Scoundrels s01e01 Episode Script

And Jill Came Tumbling After

(Macy Gray's "kissed it" playing) (man sighs) (kissing sounds) And get the money off of Charlie for those phone cards, right? Been there, done that.
And you gotta get those cases of scotch to Falani.
Mm-hmm.
Just leave it in my very capable hands.
(chuckling) Hey! Don't forget to shred the tracking numbers.
Wolf, shut up and get on top of me.
Mm.
ooh rain be pourin' down every day my mind is cloudy (chuckles) (sirens wailing) they say that I'm a drag, tell me I been lookin' sad and nobody wants to party with me and it's because of you the stupid things you do the low ways that you treat me e endlessly I was gonna leave you till you kissed it kissed it I wanted to leave you, then you kissed it kissed it I was gonna leave you then you dipped it dipped it baby, you fixed it fixed it when you kissed it kissed it I don't wanna fight (pounding on door) (groans) Open up! Police! Oh, come on! Not today.
(groans) Ugh! (sighs) (pounds on door) open up! Police! We have a warrant to search this address.
(police radio chatter) Sorry I didn't call first, but, uh You know how it is.
Don't be silly.
We love it when you guys drop in.
So, uh, where's cal? (police radio chatter) (sighs) (radio chatter continues) Heather, rise and shine.
Cops.
How am I supposed to shine If my skin cells can't get enough sleep? Hope, get up.
We got company.
Why don't they just move in and save on gas? Cal! Up and at 'em.
(sighs) (whispers) I'm gonna kill him.
(sighs) (police radio chatter) What'd we steal this time, the raisins? So when's the last time you saw cal? You know, sergeant, I don't recall.
I didn't have my watch on.
Tell you why I ask.
Couple of guys raided the home of an Asian businessman, Beat up an old lady pretty bad, put her in the hospital.
Got a description.
One of 'em sounds a hell of a lot like cal.
Huh.
You know, I know what you think of this family, sergeant, But we do not beat up old ladies.
That's right.
I forgot.
West code of honor, right? No violence, no drugs.
Just forge a few bad checks, Rip off a few overpriced hotels.
Oh, and, uh Heist a shipment of lobsters on its way to Morongo casino, And get caught red-handed, right? (officers speaking indistinctly) You have a warrant for my son's arrest, sergeant? No, I don't, But we would very much appreciate his assisting us With our inquiries.
Well, we'll be sure to tell him when we see him.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a court appearance to shower for.
(police radio chatter) What about Logan? Where's he? You're reaching, Detective.
Well, come on, Cheryl.
I mean, they're identical twins.
You know, a description matches cal, it matches Logan, too.
You know, you oughta know by now That Logan has nothing to do with-- West family business? He's your big success story, isn't he? Pretty ironic, though, him being admitted to the bar The very same day his daddy's put behind 'em.
You know, it wasn't enough, you testifying against my husband Without you going after my son? (Heather) put those back, you freak! You have no right to go through my stuff! Gimme this! What the hell's going on in here? This pervert is trying to I only looked at a couple of them.
Go through my stuff! Couple of what? What the hell are these?! My future? I'm sure you can find your way out.
(Heather groans) Nice job, guys.
Really.
Best raid yet.
(shower running) you're the one who's always telling me To get off my butt and do something with my life.
Everything okay? Fabulous.
When I told you to get off your butt, I did not mean put it on exhibit.
These are modeling photos, mom.
For what? An invisible line of clothing? Mom, Rene is a brilliant artist.
See? Totally legitimate.
He shot Gisele Bundchen when she was 14.
You know what she made last year? Some dirty old men very happy? Over $30 million.
I just need another $1,500 to get the rest of my photos.
He's holding the best ones, with all the emotion and stuff, Till I pay him.
Okay, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
You take off your clothes for this man and you pay him? This guy isn't getting one more cent.
(shower continues running) (door opens and closes) (shower turns off) daddy.
I'm sorry, baby.
I-I can't get involved in this.
Way too dangerous.
Can (groans loudly) (Melissa McClelland's "a girl can dream" playing) Hey, this tie make me look contrite or just fat? Don't even joke about it.
There's nothing funny about you being gone.
Hey, cousin j.
J.
Says seven months tops, out in four.
Now we've made it through worse.
We can make it through this, right? (hope) cousin j.
J.
's here! Thanks, sweetheart.
(whispers) hey.
Mm.
Remember this morning, Right before they burst in on us and you were just about to Yeah, I remember.
Hold that thought.
a girl can dream I have sinned I've been around I have cried Wolf? Hmm? Do you have any idea where cal was last night? No.
I haven't got a clue.
(door opens) (sighs) a girl can dream Oh.
Oh, come on! You never let me go.
I could break down in tears, soften the judge up for ya.
That only works with me.
I'm feeling good about this one, Cheryl-- All the ducks in a row.
Seven months at the most, out in four.
Glad to hear it, j.
J.
(cries) Hey.
(sniffles) stay beautiful for me, okay? This won't happen overnight, but But it will happen.
It will happen.
(telephone rings) I'll meet you there.
Yeah.
(Heather) hello? Tell Logan I'm sorry I won't be there this afternoon-- Not that he'll miss me.
Daddy, it's for you.
Tell 'em I'll call 'em back in four months.
It's, uh, grandpa's neighbor.
She says his unit is kinda burning down.
Go.
I'll deal with your dad and I'll get there as soon as I can.
And he thought I married the wrong girl.
Okay.
Bye.
All right, j.
J.
Let's do this.
(door opens) Okay, you two.
Let's go get grandpa.
Mom, no.
No! Do not let him move in here! Remember last time? He thought my closet was the bathroom.
He peed on four pairs of my shoes.
He's crazy.
He's family.
Family beats crazy.
(indistinct conversations) J.
J.
, would you please stop pacing? I'm the one being sentenced, not you.
Nice suit.
Thank you, dad.
So what brings you here? Oh, you know, just being a loving and supportive son.
Where's mom? Don't worry.
She'll be here.
Your mother would never miss the day Her favorite son gets admitted to the bar.
(man) gentlemen.
Logan.
Whoa.
Nice suit.
(clicks tongue) (man) tell me all the things I can't (hope) it'll be a little crowded, grandpa.
Sorta like prison, but it'll be fun.
(Cheryl) okay, everybody out.
I've still got time to make it to the courthouse.
If you go 95 and run all the red lights.
You School.
Uh Shouldn't I stay with grandpa In case he's traumatized? School.
And, Heather, Get grandpa set up.
It'll give you something else to do Ugh! Besides watching the soaps all day.
That's not fair! I was gonna do Stuff.
And hey, stay away from that photographer.
And when I get home, I expect you in this house With your clothes on, and all of you in a damn good mood For your brother's ceremony.
School! (engine revs) (rock music playing loudly) (turns engine off) What? Where the hell have you been? Cruz's place.
What happened to your face? Nothing.
Uh, I fell down.
I had a leg cramp.
We were raided this morning because of you! Once again.
Okay.
Cal, listen.
I want you to think very carefully About how you're going to answer what I'm about to ask you.
Cal think? We're gonna be here all day.
Heather, shut up.
Cal, listen, do you know anything About a home invasion on some Asian guy? Answer me.
No.
Okay, well, sergeant mack thinks you do.
Yeah, well, I think I don't.
So All right, you know what? I'm late for your dad.
But we are gonna talk about this when I get back home.
All right.
And, cal, can you please Wear something nice for your brother's ceremony? Something you haven't slept in.
Wait.
Ever? Ever.
Okay, grandpa.
(chuckles) welcome to your new home.
Let me show you exactly where the bathroom is, okay? (laughs) (Heather) okay, come on.
(tires squealing) (tires squeal) (door creaks) (indistinct conversations) What happened? What'd he get? Five years.
Years? (whimpers) (exhales) (sighs) Five years.
What about your friggin' ducks, j.
J.
?! The ones you had in a friggin' row! Apparently, judge Keller's up for re-election And needs to show that he's tough on repeat offenders.
You just now found this out, And you don't think that little detail may have come in handy? You idiot! We'll be appealing this.
You bet your ass you're gonna be appealing this, Till you're declared brain-dead, officially! Because right now, there's not a lot going on in there.
Now get out of my face before I lose my temper! Oh.
(sighs) I don't know what I'm gonna do.
(clears throat) I mean, I go crazy when he's gone for a weekend.
And I--and I don't know how we're gonna manage.
Listen, I'm gonna talk to cousin j.
J.
We'll try and figure something out.
Okay? Okay.
All right.
(cell phone rings) oh.
(beep) ugh.
Heather, this is really not-- Mom, you have to come home right now.
Grandpa's insane.
(knock on door) He thinks I'm grandma.
It's just the Alzheimer's.
Can't you just play along for a couple of hours? He thinks I'm pregnant with daddy.
(knocks on door) okay, Rita.
Time to go now.
Grandpa, go away! Rita! Mom, he wants to go with me to the delivery room So he can cut the cord.
If you don't come home right now, I am leaving.
Okay, fine.
I'll go get hope from school.
She can miss half a day.
She knows how to talk to him.
Yeah, she speaks fluent pervert.
Rita! Look, just stay there until we get home.
(sighs) (beep) Mom? Mom.
Huh? Hey.
What can I do to help? You can go back to work.
And I'm gonna see you later on this afternoon.
You don't have to come to that.
It's just-- it's a stupid ceremony.
Hey, there's nothing stupid about it.
It's my son being admitted to the bar.
I'm so, so proud of you.
Aw, thank you, mom.
Everyone's really excited to be there.
(chuckles) all right, I'm excited to be there, okay? They have no choice.
You call me if you need anything.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for hope West.
I'm her mother.
There's a family emergency.
I believe she's sick again.
Excuse me? Her lupus.
Hope doesn't have lupus.
As far as I can figure out, Ms.
Bottoms, My daughter has been out of school for months.
As vice principal, can you enlighten me As to why I haven't been informed of her absences? I really can't, Mrs.
West.
I'm so sorry.
But I will look into it.
You have my word.
Thank you.
This is not what I needed, today of all days.
I'm sure, what with Logan's swearing in this afternoon.
You remember Logan? He was here years ago.
Well, he was really Exceptional.
Oh! Yes! Oh! I always knew he'd go far.
The whole faculty did.
Anyway, I will get to the bottom of this whole hope matter.
Is there anything else I can help you with? I'm gonna go find her.
(exhales) (man and woman speaking French on TV) Where's hope? Isn't she at school? (sighs deeply) A-aisle two.
German impressionists.
On the floor, under fritz Lang.
Thank you, tad.
(woman speaking French) (clicks keyboard keys) (woman continues speaking French) (man speaking French) Our screenplay's at a really crucial phase.
We have this giant problem in the second act.
I don't get it.
You're the smartest one in the family-- Smarter than Logan even-- And you're willing to throw it all away? I wanna be a filmmaker.
You don't need an education for that.
Do you wanna end up like your sister? It's too late.
I've already read more than one book.
All right, come on.
I need you to watch grandpa.
You're the only one he can talk to.
(sighs) How the hell did you get away with it for so long anyway? (camera shutter clicks) (Ms.
Bottoms moaning) (click) (click) But this was years ago.
I know, and Logan was 17.
It had a pretty good zoom, didn't it, For a cheap little camera? What do you want? Hmm.
Never to go to school again.
If I get through this day, it'll be a miracle.
What happened with dad? (woman speaking French and crying) Five years.
No way.
Yes, most definitely "way.
" Come on, you can help me tell your sister.
She's not gonna be too happy about it either.
(heather) five years?! What I am supposed to do without him for five years? When he gets out, I'll be old.
We'll get through it one day at a time Because we have no other choice.
Now look, I've gotta go open the store While Charlie's out getting new inventory.
And I don't want either one of you Leaving this house until your brother's-- coronation.
And where the hell is cal? He said he had some stuff to do.
Hey, sergeant mack was looking for you.
(cal) he was? Yeah.
Guess he didn't find me.
(laughs) so, uh, Charlie, Maybe we shouldn't tell my mom about last night.
You know, like, where this stuff came from and everything.
You could trust me, cal.
This is just between us, buddy.
You said, uh, 2 grand.
This is $1,700.
Really? Huh.
(laughs) Whoops.
Sorry.
I was never very good at math.
(chuckles) It's good thing your mom looks after the books, And I could just keep track of the inventory, huh? Here you go, Cruz.
Wait, wait.
One more thing.
(object clatters) How much for this? What the hell is it? It's a priceless Chinese relic.
Looks like somebody took a crap and glazed it.
Oh, come on, man.
This is--this is an antique.
It's from, like, the Wong dynasty, you know? Wong.
One of those--one of those Chinese emperors, man.
Oh.
"the Wong dynasty"? Ah.
Yeah.
20 bucks.
20 bucks? Charlie, come on, man.
This could be worth millions here.
$50.
Sweet.
(chuckles) There you go.
Hey.
What happened to your face? (laughing) Nothing.
Tripped.
Shoelace.
What else they got in here? (light switch clicks) (grunting) uhh! Oh! Aah! Ah! Ooh! (laughs) Hey, Charlie.
Hey.
Just heard about wolf.
Yeah.
If you need anything Anything Mm-hmm? Okay.
Yeah, thank you.
I really, really appreciate your concern.
Yeah.
I just wanted you to know.
You know, you didn't happen to, uh Get in any new inventory last night, did you? Any Asian artifacts? Anything like that? No.
Unh-unh.
No? Nothing, nothing.
(bead curtains clatter) (bells on door jingle) (Cheryl) sorry.
We're closing early today.
Hello, Mrs.
West.
I'm Patty Hong.
I'm sure you know why I'm here.
I'm sure I don't.
Your son cal robbed my father's home.
He put my grandmother in the hospital.
I'm sure you're mistaken.
This was found on the floor next to grandma Hong.
Anybody could wear that.
His name tag's sewn into it.
What do you get for home invasion these days, 12 years? What do you want? It's not what I want.
It's what my father wants.
Okay, look, why don't you just tell me the value Of whatever it is he took and-- money's not important, Mrs.
West.
Most of what was taken can be replaced At better-than-wholesale prices.
But one thing cannot.
This? It is a priceless family heirloom.
This? It's pretty.
Recovering this item would mean a great deal to my father.
I'll do my best.
Let's hope your best is good enough For your son's sake.
(bells on door jingle) (sighs) (door closes) You know, You would almost be pretty with your hair up.
Why don't you just let me-- I can't give you $1,500.
I don't have it.
Liar.
I've seen your bank statements.
Look Why don't you go back to your room, Take off your clothes, remove your brain And, uh, practice being a model? I will pay you back after my first modeling job.
I promise! I'll even finance your stupid movie.
(chuckles) I'm not smart like you and Logan, okay? All I have is my looks.
And this is the best I'm ever gonna be.
I need to cash in right now before it's too late.
(sighs) (sighs) okay.
All right.
Okay, fine.
Fine.
I will give you $500.
(gasps) really? Mm-hmm.
At 15% interest, And I get morning dibs on the bathroom For the next three years.
All right.
Take it or leave it.
Take it, and if I'm still using this bathroom In three years, kill me.
Mm.
Why are you being nice? You're never nice.
Because I thought about it, And I can't come up with a single job That you'd be good at with your clothes on.
(sighs) Hey, ma.
(revs engine) What are you-- Ma! Ma! (tires screech) Aah! What-- W-- (pants) Ma! (grunts) You robbed that house last night, didn't you? What? Shh! I don't care who hears me.
It was you, wasn't it? I challenge anyone to prove it.
You left your ski mask there.
So? You sewed your name in it! Oh.
And you beat up an old lady.
She came at me, ma.
Oh.
She came at me like she was Bruce Lee or something.
She nearly killed me.
There's two rules this family has always lived by.
One, we do not invade people's homes.
At least, not when they're in them.
Well, she wasn't supposed to be there, obviously.
And two, we never, ever use violence.
I didn't! She did! She should register her feet As, like, lethal weapons or something.
Yeah, well, she's in the hospital, And I'm the one with the Hongs breathing down my neck.
Who? The Hongs.
It was their house.
You stole an antique ornament.
Get it back to them, and this whole thing goes away.
What "whole thing"? Haven't you ever heard of the tongs, cal? They're dangerous, gang-affiliated.
Wait, Mr.
Hong is a tong? (laughs) Cal, focus.
We're in real trouble.
Why? 'cause what we did to Mr.
Hong was Wrong? Do not-- it's a rhyme, mom.
That's good.
Do not piss these people off, not if you wanna live.
All right.
Now get the ornament and give it back to him.
You can do that, can't you? Won't take me long.
All right, mom, I'll get-- I'll get it, okay? I'll get it.
Thank you.
Hey, ma.
What happened with dad? Five years.
It's bad.
But it's not as bad as the 12 years you're gonna get If you don't give them what they want.
(car door closes) (indistinct conversations) (buzzer sounds) (lock clicks) (door bangs) Hey.
I'm sorry I missed it this morning.
How's your mom? She wasn't looking so good the last time I saw her.
Yeah, you know, she's a little Cranky.
Well, help her out, okay? Do whatever you can To make her life easier while I'm gone, all right? Oh, yeah.
Her wish is my command.
(scoffs) Hey, dad Remember that Asian job that I was telling you about? Well, it might've kinda turned up something.
There's this ugly-ass statue, And this guy's-- he's achin' to get it back.
And I'm thinkin' there might be something inside of it.
(lowered voice) like what? Well (whispers) it's from Asia.
(lowered voice) smack, dad.
Why are you telling me this? Because we don't touch the stuff, right? How much do you think is in there? Are you telling me you want me-- I'm not telling you anything.
Just You see an opportunity, you explore it (whispers) carefully.
Right.
(lowered voice) I'm looking at five years, kiddo.
Your mom's gonna need money, And you're the only one who knows how we operate.
Right.
Right.
You're gonna have to start making your own decisions, cal.
I can't be there to hold your hand.
You're the man now.
(woman) do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me? And I can give you the rest after my first modeling job.
I'd love to help you out, h.
, But this isn't even a third of my asking price.
Wouldn't be fair to the other girls.
Maybe there's a way we could make up the difference.
do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me? (moans) Actually, no.
Whoa.
No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
Whoa, whoa.
H.
, it's okay.
Chill.
I never said that I wouldn't help ya.
Yes, you did.
Well, then let's have a little drink and discuss it-- As friends.
Cool? Oh, you know what? My brother has this thing I'm supposed to go to, and-- One drink, h.
What's one drink? I can see you're a girl who values herself.
I respect that.
(giggles) Maybe we could come up with a, uh (cork pops) Layaway plan? do you wanna get played? To the next supermodel.
(chuckles) do you wanna kiss, do you wanna kiss me? I thought you didn't want to.
Well, that was a thank-you kiss for believing in me.
Oh.
Okay.
Mm.
Mm.
Well, drink up, girl (chuckles) And let's start talking about launching your career.
do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me? Wow! Is that, like, really expensive champagne? Yes, it is.
'cause trust me, when I'm famous, I'm only gonna have the most expensive champagne.
But not too much, of course, Because alcohol causes dehydration, Which causes dry mouth, which is the leading cause of bad breath.
Whoa.
(laughs) that stuff is strong, huh? I think I-I think I might've, like, Dranken it too fast or something.
Wow! (laughs) You know, um I think I'm gonna lay down for a minute, If that's okay with you.
Now then Where were we? So why do you want this back? I don't know.
It just Speaks to me.
Huh? What's it say? I don't know, man.
It's in Chinese.
$50, right? Well That's what I bought it for.
So? Well, this is a business, cal.
You gotta make a profit, right? All right, fine.
$100.
$500.
(imitates cal) it's a precious antique from the Wong dynasty.
(normal voice) right? Pleasure doin' business with ya.
(chuckles) (whistles) (grunts) Huh? Shoot.
(grunting) God, I'm so dead.
Hope? Heather? Is anybody home? Oh, no, you don't.
Wakey-wakey.
Hi.
I can imagine how you must feel.
(grunts) I mean, it was supposed to be me there, right? And you up here, having all the fun? Well, guess what.
You forgot something.
I'm a West.
(muffled groan) Did you really think my daddy was gonna let His little girl start dating without a couple of tips? Like always watch really closely When a sleaze makes you a drink.
Now I want those negatives, Rene.
Where are they? Ow! You stupid bitch! You're never gonna be a model.
Really? I'm gonna give you till the count of three.
Whoa.
Okay? One Oh! Two Coffee table.
The drawer.
Three.
Oh! (pants) (laughs) what do you know? It's empty.
I am such a stupid bitch.
Mm! Mm! Mnh-mnh! Mnh-mnh! Mm! (Cheryl) open up this door! (pounding on door) I wanna see my daughter! Oh! My mom.
(chuckles) um (muffled shouting) Open up this door, you bastard! Don't get up.
I'll get it.
(reggae music playing) ah.
(laughs) Some reggae.
Doesn't that make you just wanna Get up and dance? Mm! I had to use a credit card to get in.
Thank God you're okay.
Do you have any idea what you've put me through? And I told you to stay away from that sleazebag.
That sleazebag just gave me the rest of my photos For a third of his asking price! God, why doesn't anyone in this family Think I know what I'm doing? Because we live with you, which is why I'm gonna hold on to these till you're either Mature enough to understand what's good for you Or I die of old age-- whatever happens first.
(muffled shouts) (rock music playing indistinctly) (door closes) 20 years from now, you're gonna thank me for this.
Did you get that statue? (music stops) I kinda ran into A bit of a problem.
Like what? Like, I kinda Broke it.
Can it be fixed? I don't think so.
The pieces--they're very small.
Why are the pieces very small, cal? I hit it with a lug wrench.
Don't you realize who you're dealing with Ow! And how dangerous these people are? Forget about the 12 years for home invasion.
You'll be lucky if the tongs don't kill you first! And why did you hit it with a lug wrench? I thought there might be something inside of it.
Like what? You know, why should I tell you, huh? While dad's inside, Someone's gotta make decisions around here.
That's what he told me.
That's what he told you when? When I went to see him.
(groans) He said I'm the man now and I've gotta look after the rest of ya.
What did you think was in the statue, cal? Maybe drugs.
This family does not deal in drugs! Well, maybe we should! Oh.
Look what dad got For sticking to the stupid West code of honor.
Five years.
Five.
Where you going? I'm going to see your father.
And for his sake, let's hope there's a guard present.
(door closes) (indistinct conversations) (buzzer sounds) (lock clicks) Hey.
(man shouts indistinctly) Hey.
Listen (sighs deeply) Babe It's gonna be fine.
J.
J.
's already working on the appeal.
We'll get Logan to assist.
I don't want you to worry.
I'm fine, wolf.
Really.
I mean, I was a little shaken up When I saw you being dragged away for the next five years Till I found out you won't have to suffer in jail alone.
You'll have cal to keep you company Now that they got him for home invasion.
What are you talking about? Of course, when you get out, He'll still have seven years left-- That is, if he isn't dead because some bastard (whispers) told him to start dealing drugs.
I never told him to do that.
(normal voice) really? That's funny, Because that's sure as hell what he heard.
What I said was that he was in charge now, That I needed him to be smart.
And you thought that would do it? You never give him any credit, do you, Cheryl? I mean, not like your precious Logan.
Wolf, I love each one of our children equally.
(sighs) but I love them where they are, Not in prison or dead.
And I will stand between anything or anyone That threatens to cause them harm, even you.
Cal looks up to you, and here you are, Stuck in this place for the next five years.
Is that what you want for him? Is that what you want for me? He was just trying to look out for you, Cheryl, Like I am.
Wolf It's a miracle I still love you.
You cannot succeed in this business, Cheryl, Without taking risks.
You either go where the money is, or you get out.
It's as simple as that.
Now you're a good wife.
You've been great with the store.
But this is our side of the business-- Me and Cal's.
You're not strong enough, babe.
You don't have the balls.
You should just stay out of it.
(scoffs) (chuckles) (man shouts indistinctly) (sighs) (the Gabe Dixon band's "further the sky" playing) (crying) when you don't know where you're going Oh! Charlie.
It's Cheryl.
I want you to listen very carefully.
The secret of this life the higher you reach Look, I-I know it's been a hell of a shock With wolf and everything, but-- you clear out the accounts like I asked you to? Yeah.
the steeper you climb That's it? Well, uh, Inventory's not moving like it used to, Cheryl, You know, due to the Financial downturn.
Well, lucky for you, 'cause you just bought me out at basement prices.
Who knew you had such a good head for business? the rougher the ride the truer the love It's all yours, Charlie.
Good luck.
The ache the blinder the faith the tougher the go the higher you reach the further the sky the more miles you walk (rings doorbell) the longer the road oh I'm here to see Mr.
Hong On business.
I have a proposition for him.
It's nice being in a room with young people.
Much better than being alone.
Worth burning your house down for, grandpa? (whispers) turn it off.
(woman speaks indistinctly) (normal voice) how's dad? (TV turns off) (sighs) You guys know that I love you more than anything, right? Your dad said something to me today that made a lot of sense.
"you go where the money is or you get out.
" And it made me think, 'cause that's what we've been doing, isn't it? We go where the money is.
(sighs) and look what it's gotten us.
So Starting today We're getting out.
You mean we're moving? Out of what we do, What we've always done, what this family's become.
Heather, tomorrow morning you will start work At Rusty's burgers at 9:00 A.
M.
Sharp.
I've already informed unemployment That you will no longer be needing their assistance.
And, hope, I spoke with vice principal bottoms, And I have assured her that as of today, Your attendance record will be spotless.
Even if you are dying, you will die in school.
And, cal, I've already given the Hongs some money for the statue.
It was a family heirloom, period.
All right, cool.
I told you it would work out, ma.
Starting tomorrow, you will be working for them Until you can pay the rest of it off.
They need somebody around the house--cleaning the pool, Doing some driving.
Wait, wait, wait.
You want me to be Hong's butt boy? Well, it's a hell of a lot better than jail, Where you'll be everybody's butt boy.
Don't you think?! (lowered voice) your father went in for five years today.
He's gonna miss five years of your lives, And we're acting like it's some sort of occupational hazard.
(normal voice) well, not anymore, 'cause it all stops.
As of today, We're going straight.
What do you mean, "straight"? I mean this family is out of the crime business, And that includes me.
No more dirty money.
I'm finding a real job.
(Cheryl sighs) Okay, then.
I'll go do my hair.
And then we are all gonna celebrate Your brother's example.
Just because we're wests Doesn't mean we have to be criminals.
(Sara Bareilles' "uncharted" playing) Ahh mm, mm, mm no words my tears won't make any room for more and it (sighs) don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before this is no broken heart no familiar scars this territory goes uncharted (cheering) thank you, your honor.
(Heather) Logan! Whoo! Whoo! Brava! Lawyer! Yay, Logan! Whoo! Whoo! Logan! Logan! (cal shouts indistinctly) (hope) Logan! Whoo! (whistles) (cal speaks indistinctly) You look good, baby.
(wests cheering) Of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how I mean, she'll get over it, right, The whole "going straight" thing? Yeah, maybe she's just in, like, shock over dad.
Yeah.
You think? Not a chance in hell.
So all these years in the trenches Training to defend my family, You go and change the rules on me? Don't get disbarred just yet.
I may still need you.
You want me to No, I'll do it.
Ah.
Stay.
(sniffs) If you've come here for cal, not now, please.
The Hongs have changed their story.
It seems grandma is a little senile, Says we should be looking for a 6'5" West Indian.
But I'm sure you already know about that.
You won't be seeing us anymore, sergeant.
The West family will no longer be bothering The palm Springs police department.
You moving? No.
We're turning over a new leaf.
We're changing our business model.
(laughs) oh.
You crack me up, Cheryl.
A leopard can't change his spots.
Can't be done.
I say it can.
Just wait and see.
All uncharted la la la, oh (laughing) it's not funny, dad.
I had all these jobs lined up and everything.
(chuckles) I'm sorry.
(chuckles) Oh.
She really thinks she can pull this off? I mean, turn you all into law-abiding citizens? Yeah.
(chuckles) God You gotta love that woman.
(laughing) (continues laughing) (continues laughing)