Shake It Up! s01e13 Episode Script

See you next week for more great dancing, more great music and more great hosting from me, Gary Wilde, on Shake it up, Chicago! Hey, you two, terrific show today.
Really, one of your best.
What do you want? What do you mean? You only compliment us when you want us to do some funky job.
Yeah, the last time you said something nice, we had to crawl into your air conditioning vent.
There was a dead rat smell in there.
That's because there was a dead rat in there! Anyway, while I got you here I knew it! Gary, if your phone fell in the toilet it is staying there.
No, no, no.
I'm hosting Chicago's Little Cutie Queen Pageant and I want you two to choreograph the show.
I want to do it! I want to do it! Come on, Rocky.
Aren't you always trying to get me to work with disadvantaged kids? How are eight-year-old beauty queens disadvantaged? I bet some of them can't even afford the good fake nails.
That breaks my heart.
She's right.
We all need to do a little service for the community.
Oh, come on, Gary.
Well, technically, I need to do a little community service.
I got nine speeding tickets in the Porsche.
It was this or jail, and I cannot pee in front of other people.
Okay, let's do it.
Great! I'll call the pageant people and let them know my two top dancers are coming over.
You guys are fantastic.
The best! And here it comes.
Cell phone fell out of my pocket.
Second stall on the left.
Whoa.
Everybody, everybody, get out on the floor It can get a little crazy when the kick hits the 4 Make a scene, make a scene, nobody can ignore Don't knock it till you rock it We can't take it no more Bring the lights up, bust the doors down Dust yourself off Shake it up, shake it up DJ set it off, take it up a notch All together now, shake it up, shake it up Sh-sh-sh-shake it up You got to change it up And when you've had enough Sh-sh-sh-shake it up Bring the lights up, bust the doors down All together now, shake it up, shake it up Shake it up Cece, I've been thinking and I'm not really comfortable with beauty pageants.
They're demeaning to women and an archaic form of worshiping beauty over the intellectual mind.
Can you say that again in American? They teach girls that being pretty is more important than being smart.
Yeah, but they also teach a lot of important life lessons, like how to put hair spray on your butt so your dress doesn't ride up.
Why isn't there a contest that judges young girls on how smart they are? There is.
It's called school.
Come on.
My whole life I've wanted to be a Little Cutie Queen and win a crown.
I never got to do my wave, and I was so good.
You could have won Little Miss Creepy Queen.
Cutie Queen.
No, I meant what I said.
Thanks for bringing me lunch today, Dina.
That's okay, Deuce.
My mom loves to cook.
Here's my burrito.
And here's yours.
Are you kidding me? It's like trying to eat my pillow.
My mother says, "A man who does not love food "is a man who does not love women.
" And you only brought me one? Mmm, delicious! Is this chicken? No! It's octopus! I can feel it sucking my tonsils.
So, anyway, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about.
We've been hanging out for a few weeks now And you're sick of me? I understand.
It's happened before.
No, no, no.
I totally dig you.
You know, instead of being Deuce and Dina, maybe we can be, you know, Deuce-and-Dina.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I even wanna give you an ID bracelet.
Here, pick one.
I got 27.
Oh! Baby, how sweet! I got 28.
But before we can wear them, you'll need to meet my father and get his approval, and that's gonna be tough.
I'm Don Rio Garcia's only daughter.
Meet your pops? Piece of cake.
He'll love me.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of adorable.
Oh, I've noticed.
And it looks like Allison Kelly has noticed, too.
Keep walking, Ally.
It's just like I imagined it would be.
Isn't it magical? Yeah, you can hardly tell we're in conference room B of the Skokie Budget Inn.
I love the smell of rhinestones, the rustle of taffeta, the air thick with talcum powder, and the ground damp with the tears of the losers.
Look, girls! It's our choreographers, Rocky and Cece from Shake It Up, Chicago! Let's rehearse a little segment called, "Chat with Rocky and Cece "while Gary faxes in his paperwork that proves he was here all afternoon.
" Hi, girls.
I have an eight-year-old little brother and I would trade him in one minute for any one of you adorable little pixies.
Wow, that's a lot of hair and a lot of hair spray.
Hi, sweetheart.
What's your name? I'm Sally Van Buren and Shake It Up Chicago! is my favorite show, and you're my favorite dancer.
Can I just say that you look even prettier in real life than you do on TV? Not only can you say it, I'd like you to record it for my new ringtone.
Hey, what's your name? I'm Rocky.
I'm Eileen.
Can you do me a favor? Yeah.
Sure.
What is it? Get me out of here! Yeah, I'm not really that thrilled to be here, either.
My best friend made me.
Well, my mom made me.
She was a Little Cutie Queen.
So were both of my sisters.
And if I don't do this, she won't let me go out for the baseball team.
You must be miserable.
Yeah, but I found something that entertains me.
Watch.
Oh, no! We're out of mascara! Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four.
Five, six, seven, eight.
And move and dip, and jut out your hip.
Ugh! What's wrong, Sally? I don't have any hips! Aw, don't be so sad.
In a couple of years you'll have a figure.
You still don't have one.
I have a figure.
Yeah, if the figure is one.
You know, you were a lot cuter when all you did was smile and wave.
Bye-bye.
Come on, Gary.
We brought them all to the Shake It Up studio because you can't drive.
I'm not going to sing it.
It's embarrassing.
It's part of your community service.
It's either sweet little girls with too much makeup on or sweaty felons who make knives out of toothbrushes.
Hit it, Marco! In the deepest part of fairyland Where my little girl dreams come true I'll make a stop at the ice cream shop And I'll get a scoop or two I'll have charm I'll have grace Not a zit on my face I'll spread my little girl magic All over the place I'm a beauty queen I'm a cutie queen I'm a Little Cutie Queen Hello, Mr.
Garcia.
I am Martin Martinez, but you can call me Deuce.
I am Don Rio, but you may call me Antonio Jimenez Ricardo Esteban Octavio Jose Rosario Stefan Mitch Hector Shakira Garcia.
Dina didn't tell me you were funny.
I am not.
You are thinking of my brother, Juan Carlos Ernesto Pedro Paco Pancho Emiliano Zapata Jay-Z Garcia.
Wow.
I'm afraid to ask you what your sister's name is.
Debby.
Deuce, please sit down.
These are my associates, Izquierdo and Derecha.
This means "left" and "right" in Spanish.
Do I make you uncomfortable when I speak Spanish? Well, actually, both my parents are from Cuba So you like to talk about yourself, eh, Deuce? No, no, no, I was just saying Deuce, you remind me of myself when I was your age, only I was a magnificent young soldier, and you are all eyebrows and headphones and cheap cologne.
Gentlemen, you know what you have to do.
No! Cologne him! How do you like it? I think I'd rather take a beating.
Well, the day is young.
Now, onto the business at hand.
Besides my precious Dina, my favorite thing on Earth is my little piggy.
Senorita Senorita Maria Consuela Rosa Santa Margarita de la Guardia.
You may call her Pinkie.
Two thousand dollars worth of cute.
I want you to take her into your care.
Here are my instructions.
Do not let her out of your sight.
Return her to me safe in three days time and I will give you my blessing.
You won't regret this, Don Rio.
I Again, more about Deuce.
Be gone.
You got Pinkie! That's such a good sign! I have another reason why I dig you.
What's that? Your family might be crazier than mine.
Much better, Eileen.
Oof, what a lox.
Cece? Rocky? Yes, Sally? Me and the other girls can't stand Eileen, and we want your help to get her out of the contest.
Why? Are you afraid that she's gonna steal the crown away from you? No, she's just not pageant people.
She has knobby knees, bad hair, she talks about sports, and dresses like a boy.
Well, who are you, Little Miss Perfect? Actually, yes.
I won that title six months ago in Milwaukee.
Wanna see my trophy? It's bigger than you.
Everything's bigger than her.
Okay, Eileen isn't the classic beauty contest type, but she's real and fun and cute, and she has just as much right to be here as you.
Fine, you don't want to let her down easy, then she'll go down hard.
And trust me, this will end in tears.
Well, what does she do for the talent part? Go out there and bite the heads off live chickens? Those girls are terrible, mean, awful.
Just mean little girls.
You wanna quit? Oh, no, not now baby.
Now I wanna win! Me, too.
Oh, Eileen Look, I did my own makeup! Did you save some for anyone else? Shake it up Okay.
Now, the most important ingredient in all pageantry is a winning smile.
Like this.
Now, let's see yours.
Yowza.
Why are you guys helping me? Well, she's living out her fantasies through you, and I'm using you to make a feminist statement about how shallow beauty pageants are.
Can you say that in American? Oh, man, I love this girl.
Okay.
Let's start working on our slow spin.
Okay.
All right.
Now, watch how she turns around without ever taking her eyes off of the judges.
Okay, Eileen, it's your turn.
I'm not done! Chew on that, shortstop.
Oh, look, I'm so pretty.
I can walk slow and turn in circles.
Ooh! Okay, new approach.
Well, Eileen, I know this all seems sort of dumb.
Important.
And you probably feel a little silly.
Beautiful.
But don't you want to prove something to those pageant people? Make Sally Van Buren cry.
Alright, fine, but you have to buy me a new baseball mitt.
Done.
Okay, Thursday afternoon snack Brussels sprouts, potato peels, coffee grounds and a dollop of mayonnaise.
Okay.
Come on, Pinkie, eat something! Look at me.
I'm a little piggy, eating my little piggy snack.
Wow, that is surprisingly tasty.
Deuce, slow down.
You're eating like a pig.
And I'm loving it.
Wow, you really do dig me.
This is no time for jokes, Dina.
I'm freaking out.
I didn't sleep all night.
Our whole future depends on that walking bag of bacon bits.
So let me take her for one night.
I can't.
Your dad said the pig was my Relax, he'll never know.
I'll take care of everything.
Thanks, Dina.
Hey, do you think your mom could make this into a burrito for me? There.
You're perfect.
I know you're gonna be the winner, Cece.
Oh, did I say Cece? I meant Eileen.
Okay, we covered a lot of ground in the past few days.
So, tell us what we learned.
"That pageantry is a farce imposed upon us "by a society with outdated notions of femininity.
" Except for "My mother, who had misguided but well-meaning intentions.
" What? Can't go too crazy.
She needs a ride home.
Where's Pinkie? Deuce I don't know how to say this, but I I I You ate her? If I ate her, at least I'd know where she was.
I lost her.
You lost Senorita Maria Consuela Rosa Santa Margarita de la Guardia? Her skin looked a little dry, so I moisturized her.
Then I took her for a walk, she slipped her collar You know how hard it is to catch a greased pig.
Oh, no, Dina, you've doomed us.
Not only are we not going to be Deuce and Dina, now it's gonna be Dina and whatever- happened-to-Deuce Nobody-ever-heard - from-him-again.
We'll just tell my dad I lost her.
At least he'll be mad at me, not you.
Ah! Senor Martinez.
Did you get the cologne I sent you? Yes, thank you.
Come let me smell you.
Ah! Now you smell like a man angel.
But you know what I do not smell? Two thousand dollars worth of treasured family pet.
Where is my Pinkie? Pinkie is gone.
You entrusted me with your treasure and I failed you, sir.
I'm sorry.
I see.
Let me ask you a question.
Did you give Pinkie to anyone? Even for a momentito? No, sir.
It was 100% percent my fault.
Don't kill me.
Kill you? I'm not going to kill you.
I'm going to kiss you! Wow.
This is some really good cologne! You have passed my test.
But Pinkie's gone.
No Deuce, Pinkie's right here.
You found her? I never lost her.
You could have sold out my Dina, but instead you took all the responsibility for yourself.
Muy macho.
You lied like a dog to protect me! Good lying is respected in my family.
So this was a con? You put me through all this and it was just one big con? Sorry? Sorry? It was beautiful! You played me like a stooge, yanked my chain and drove me to Suckertown.
I love this family! Welcome, Deuce.
Let me take you out to lunch.
Where do you want to go? I don't know why, but I'm thinking barbecue.
She's so cute I want to eat her face.
And this year's Little Cutie Queen is Eileen Keller! No! I demand a recount! She was right.
It did end in tears.
Put me down! That's not fair! I should have won! No! Hey, yo! Stop your jibber-jabbing! I got something to say.
All right.
It's time for the truth bombs to drop.
This is what makes it all worth it.
This pageant is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I feel so pretty and special! No! No! No, no! Beauty comes from within! The cards, read the cards! I wish all the little girls could feel as pretty as I do right now.
That little diva just sold us out.
Work it, Cece.
Work it! I meant Eileen! And the winner of the 2005 Little Cutie Queen is Cece Jones! This is such an honor.
Thank you so much.
I love you all.
Cece, let's go.
It's enough already.
Not now! I'm doing my glamour walk.
But your mom's waiting outside.
Lets' go.
Fine! Thank you! Thank you all! This is the happiest moment of my life! Ah-ha! Busted! Whoa, how did that get up there? Sh-sh-sh-shake it up! Shake it up!