Shameless US s05e12 Episode Script

Love Songs (In the Key of Gallagher)

This shit was going on, and I still watched last week's episode of Shameless.
What the fuck were you doing? Aah! - I want you.
- You have me.
No, I want to have sex with you.
Uh, I kind of got this situation with one of my professors.
- Sweetheart? - It's my husband.
Yeah, her and her hubby, they have this agreement, you know.
They're evolved.
This is Lip.
This woman is just tearing me up.
I just can't shake her.
- Oh, I need a drink.
- What's the occasion? Cancer.
You're not going to the hospital? - Where are you going? - I'm thinking Costa Rica.
- What the hell is that? - You moving? In my dreams.
- How much did she have? - Enough, I guess.
You're breathing, right? Ah, fuck.
She's dead.
- Aah, fuck! - Aah! - What's in the crate? - How the fuck should I know? You need to be with people who accept you for who you are.
Anywhere south of here is great! We're good for each other.
Although according to NA, I'm not supposed to lean on anyone that I'm deeply attracted to.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside that you speak of? What is this feeling you're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside that you speak of? What is this feeling you're so sure of? Oh, yeah.
Been on the road five weeks.
What are you like after two months? Oh, no, you couldn't handle two months.
No, uh, groupies on the road to help relieve the stress? Yeah, lots, but not worth the expense.
"The expense"? Yeah, you know, penicillin, amoxicillin, Z-Pak.
I learned that the hard way.
Since when do you smoke? I only smoke on tour, but, uh, I'll quit in a couple of days.
Yeah, thanks for coming last night.
I wasn't sure you'd show.
I liked that last song you ended the set with.
- Was that you? - Chris and me.
It was beautiful.
The lyrics were kind of, uh, angry and sad.
What's it called? Uh, Betrayal.
I only wrote the music.
Chris wrote the lyrics.
Really? Lip.
I want to make it right Hey.
I want to make you cry Um I follow soon, I follow soon I follow soon, I follow Makes papa want to crawl up his old truck Stop swaying when the moon is shaking thou Makes mama throw her hands and flip around Your husband's sitting in the corner of the room.
Yes, he is.
Say hi, Theo.
What's he doing? Just waiting for us to finish so he can come to bed.
You don't mind, do you? Uh - I don't know.
- Mm.
We can stop if you want.
You want me to stop? Do you want me to stop, Philip? I follow Oh Mickey.
Yeah? Ooh, it's been, like, an hour.
I got to go pee.
At least you finally got hard.
We can try some more when I get back if you got lube or something.
I had an aunt who lived south of Phoenix somewhere, and she had oranges and lemon trees growing right in her yard.
She'd make us cookies at the holidays, you know? Those Christmas trees with the green icing on top.
And then she'd put those little silver sugar balls on 'em, like ornaments.
She would make dozens of them and mail them up to us.
Most of them got broken, but you can piece 'em together and they're still good, you know? You have to go? Uh, yeah.
- Fell asleep.
- Stay a little longer? Nobody's here, and they wouldn't even care, if they were.
I got to be home before my dad gets up.
I love you.
I love you too.
It rained hard in the night.
Everything smells fresh.
Is the pain back? - You got enough pills left? - Plenty.
I could walk back to the village.
That central market's like a narco Kmart.
Guy offered me a gallon jug of Propofol for 50 bucks.
I think I'll go for a swim.
Sharks feed before morning.
Mm, that's what makes it fun.
Come on, get in here! Debs? Kitchen.
Cup of Noodles? For breakfast? No bread, no eggs, no milk, no cereal.
Why are we out of food? 'Cause nobody's buying any? Who's been doing the shopping? Well, Sammi was.
Well, I'll get to the store today.
What about you? You get something to eat for breakfast? Hate breakfast.
No sugar either.
So where were you last night? I called.
Gus got back from tour.
Husband Gus? What other Gus is there? So you guys are back together? We were never not together.
He was on tour with his band.
- What is that look? - Nothing.
Gus is back.
I went to see the band play a show, and I spent the night, like husbands and wives do.
So you tell Sean that Gus is back? Sean is just a good friend.
Liam, plate to sink.
We should see Karl this weekend.
So does husband Gus have a car, or should we ask good friend Sean to drive us up to juvie jail again? Jeez.
There's a Russian prostitute in my kitchen talking Diaper Genies and infant diarrhea with my husband.
So are you and Kev Giving it another try.
That's great.
Is that a hickey? - Yeah.
- What? Are those teeth marks? Tell that boy no teeth.
Just lip and suction.
Didn't you have the talk? "The talk"? Birds and bees.
His thing, her thing.
She's on the pill.
No shit? Mm-hmm.
Svetlana's still at your house? Just until we get another bed to put in the apartment above the Alibi.
She's gonna help with the twins for a while instead of paying rent.
She's great with kids.
- Don't you have school? - Yeah, but this is more fun.
Oh, shit.
Go! - Food.
- I promise.
Oh, can you take Liam to Head Start on your way? Like I've done every day for the last four months? Yes, I think I can handle that.
Oh, and I'll be sure to pick Liam up after school like I always do too.
- Come on, Liam.
- Sammi sleeping.
Come on, Liam! The pill at 13? Really? Well, I guess she should.
I started at 11.
Developed early.
Boys started sniffing around when I was 10, grown men by the time I was 11.
Mama had to beat 'em off with a claw hammer.
The deacons at the church were the worst.
Nothing but hands.
Kevin fucked a bunch of coeds at Lip's college.
"A bunch"? He doesn't know the number exactly, but double digits.
And Svetlana-- mouth only, but still.
For Svetlana or the coeds? Svetlana.
The coeds were the whole 15 inches.
Double digits.
That's a awful lot of need.
This morning I woke up thinking, "What are the chances he didn't pick up one of those nasty bugs or something?" I mean, the man has got to be a human petri dish.
- Ian split again.
- Mm.
Thought the Army had him? Got out, took off with Monica.
He needs to be on his meds.
Not like Monica will help with that.
She never stayed on hers.
I'm glad you and Kev are back together.
Me too.
All right, bye, Bill! Thanks! I'm starving.
Are you starving? Yeah, I could eat.
Yeah, let's get some great big steaks and baked potatoes with everything on it.
I bet they have a salad bar.
Get some blue cheese and pie.
Oh, truckers are very serious about really good pie.
I don't have any money.
- What? - No.
The Army didn't give you any cash before they let you out? - Uh-uh.
- Fucking assholes.
They arrest you on some bullshit charge and then just toss you out without a dime? No back pay? Nothing? Ah.
No worries.
I got money.
Go on and get us a table.
Yeah, go on in.
Really, go on, go on.
See if they have those jalapeño poppers.
I love those! Hey! I walked into town.
How about I whip us up some scrambled eggs and gallo pinto? Oh, and I got some of those great coffee beans from the old woman on the road.
Uh, no, thanks.
Not hungry.
You got to eat.
Keep up your strength.
How about some avocado on bread? It's loaded with vitamins and healthy fats.
Not hungry.
Oh, my.
What's that? That is nature, 'cause you were standing over there stark naked.
Let's go get drunk buy a gun.
A gun? Yeah.
A gun? Mm-hmm.
A really big gun.
- You coming? - Absolutely.
Oh, my God.
Ooh, great, thanks.
Do you have any caramel sauce? I love caramel sauce on apple pie.
Do you want anything else? I don't think I can finish all of this.
They have cheeseburgers too.
Hey, you can pay for all this, right? - Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
So I'm not gonna have to sneak out the back window, like when I was little? Really? I don't remember that.
Frank, uh, broke open the bathroom window.
I tried to climb out.
I ripped my pants on the glass.
How old were you? Uh six, maybe seven.
We had a lot of good times back then, didn't we? Mmm.
Hey, what were you doing with that trucker to get money? I saw you walking with him.
I thought maybe you were gonna Gonna what? I don't know.
Do something.
But you weren't gone for very long.
What kind of girl do you take me for? I don't know.
But you did get money.
I sold him something.
What? Nothing very important.
And it got us a lot of great food, right? Your boyfriend? Again? Fuck him.
What? You are so beautiful.
You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
I did fucking good making you.
Two patty melts, one with fries, one with slaw, and a cheeseburger plate, medium.
Here you go.
Here, ma'am, I'll be right back with your check.
Need something? Gus is back.
How'd it go? We talked a bit, caught up.
The tour-- was it a success? Oh, yeah.
Part of it got canceled, but he said it went okay, anyway.
That's good.
Will get to Pittsburgh okay? Yeah.
So he's settling in okay? Yeah, he seemed fine.
I just wanted you to know that Gus is back.
That's good to know.
Table eight.
Welcome to Patsy's.
I'll give you a second.
Do you know what you might want to drink? Hey, what you, uh-- what you doing? Hiding.
Muff? She's officially gone psycho.
She's threatening to throw all my clothes into a pile in the alley and set them on fire, preferably with me still wearing some of them.
Did you call campus security? It's kind of sweet, really.
No one's ever been homicidally obsessed with me before.
It's kind of a turn-on.
Unless she actually does it.
I mean, getting burned to death, that has to suck.
You spend the night over at Mrs.
Robinson's again? That's got to be against a few faculty rules.
We're both consenting adults.
Separated by two decades, numerous advanced degrees, several published works, a husband in tenure.
Look, uh, you can stay here till Muff chills out or runs out of matches, okay? I won't be back till after lunch.
Okay, thanks.
I used condoms.
On your tongue? Mr.
Ball? Here.
Wait, wait, wait.
You don't have to come.
Oh, you better believe I'm coming.
What seems to be the problem? My husband's a slut.
V, that's a little harsh.
He slept with a bunch of girls, and I want to make sure he doesn't have any nasty diseases.
How many sexual partners have you had in the last 12 months? What, you want names? 'Cause I didn't catch many names.
Just a number will do.
Uh Frontal and anal? Anal? Well, yeah, you'd be surprised how many coeds want it up the butt.
Think it preserves their virginity.
They call it "the poop-hole loophole.
" Damn, Kev.
It's a really big school, V.
Ballpark? More than X, less than Y? Is that math? I really wasn't-- How about best guess? Uh What? I was the rape-walker.
I had lots of opportunities.
Oops, huh? Pregnancy test, morning-after pill.
Oh, right.
How old are you? Old enough.
I can see that.
Big fella, huh? What? Magnums.
Ah, ribbed good choice.
Your daughter is very beautiful.
What? Your daughter.
You know where I can buy a gun? What kind of gun? One with bullets.
Pistol? Shotgun? Semiautomatic? Assault rifle? - Machine gun? - Pistol should do it.
Do you see the skinny Brazilian with the Neymar jersey? He is your man.
He slept with half the school.
You threw him out.
I didn't throw him out.
I left.
Same difference.
Nurse gave him the biggest damn shot I've ever seen.
Asked if I'd been vaccinated for HPV.
A big old handsome man like that good in the bed? You bet other women are gonna try to jump his bones.
Shut up, Billy.
Nobody asked you.
Not women, girls.
A lot of girls got daddy issues.
And he's one hell of a daddy.
Could you stop doing that, please? Doing what? Acting all knowing about my husband.
If the shoe fits You don't have to rub my nose in it, Mother.
You never ever let a good-earning, good-looking, good-in-the-sheets man like your Kev off a leash, unless you're ready for him to run wild in the neighborhood sniffing after every bitch he sees.
I didn't know that he was gonna round up half of Delta Delta Sluta for a dip-the-stick marathon.
A thirsty man coming out the desert is bound to take a drink.
Now I'm a damn desert? A man only has one kind of camel to ride for many years.
That camel run off, he gonna try to take a few other rides out for a spin before he decides which one he's gonna drive off the lot.
That was, like, 15 different insulting metaphors all mashed up into one incredibly nasty sentence.
So your man likes lemons? Make yourself some lemonade.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Dress up like a little girl, if that's what he likes now.
Go to one of those, uh Forever 15 stores in the mall, buy yourself some of those cheap little-girl college clothes.
Make your man happy.
Yeah! We're here! Thank you.
Okay, we're here.
Where are we? Home.
Oh, God! He's back! He's here! Who's here? Walter! Walter! Walter! Oh.
I missed you.
Who is this? This is my son.
Walter, this is my son Ian.
Ian, this is the fantastic, fabulous, incredible Walter.
You wanted-- Uh, honestly? Yeah, I'm sick of this shit.
I know.
You know what it feels like to me? Like the same thing, like I-I'm just hearing you say the same thing over and over again, so I-I-I don't need-- Yeah, okay.
Yeah, let-- yes.
Jesus Christ.
How you doing? Fine.
Who were you talking to? You want to talk about it? We could grab a cup of coffee.
And why would I want to do that? 'Cause we're friends.
Figured you might need someone to talk to.
We're not friends.
Of course we are.
You should be getting home.
Your husband will be worried about you.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Muff still threatening arson? Yeah.
I ordered a pizza.
It's kind of cold now.
I thought you'd be back a couple hours ago.
I can go heat it up in the lounge microwave.
No, no, it's cool.
I like it cold.
Another trip to the cougar cage? No, no.
The, uh, physics lab.
My, uh, phonon spectra of crystals project is due Friday.
Does she make you happy, or is it just about the sex? It's the sex, mostly.
Is she better at it than I am? No, just, um more practice, I guess.
Lots more, if what I hear is true.
She do stuff that I should probably know how to do? Anything you'd like to teach me? Cold pizza sucks.
I'm gonna go warm this up.
Hey, Liam, what you watching? Jesus, what the hell is this? Come on, it's after 10:00.
It's time for bed.
Debbie! Debs! Debs, you can't just leave Liam sitting in front of the TV.
He was watching, like, The Walking Dead or something.
Je-- Oh, fuck.
- Sorry.
- What the hell is going on? Liam, go.
Go to bed, now.
What are you doing coming into my room without knocking? - I knocked.
- We weren't doing anything.
Well, why is Derek in his underwear? - He's spending the night.
- No, he is not.
- Yes, he is.
- Uh, no, I'm not.
What do you mean? My dad would kill me, okay? I'll see you at school tomorrow.
Sorry, Miss Gallagher.
Don't embarrass me like that.
Embarrass you? Hey.
Brush your teeth, now.
You can't have a boy in your bed.
Why not? You do.
- I'm a grown-up.
- I'm pregnant.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
Are you sure? Maybe.
Well, you're getting an abortion, tomorrow.
- No.
- Yes.
- I love him! - No, you don't.
- We're gonna get married.
- No, you're not.
Derek's mom got pregnant when she was six months older than me, and they've been together 20 years.
What are you talking about? I love him, and we're gonna get married, and we're gonna have a lot of babies, and we're gonna be happy! Oh, for fuck's sake, Deb.
Why won't you ever let me be happy? Talk dirty to me.
Dirty little bitch.
Can you do it in Spanish? You dirty, dirty little bitch.
Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh! Hey, where'd you put the gun? It's in the the big pot.
You be careful with that.
It's loaded.
My dad taught me how to shoot.
Aah! Oh! Jesus.
Holy fuck, what a rush.
Do you want a go? Christ, no.
Oh, fuck, stop that! - Come on, give it to me.
- No.
You're being crazy.
Let go.
No! Jesus.
Your arm.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I got you.
I got you.
It's okay.
I did! That's okay.
You know what? You smell good.
Oh! Shh.
What are you doing out here? Oh, just looking at the stars.
Come on back in.
You know, you can never see this many stars from Chicago.
There's uh, too many lights from the city.
It crowds all the stars out of the sky.
It's beautiful.
You like Walter? He's nice, right? I barely met him.
How old is he? I don't know.
Come on, let's go back in.
It's cold.
Come on.
All right, well, I'm going in.
Are you selling meth? What? I found some in your bag.
You're going through my stuff? Is that how you got that money? And what is he doing out here? Shh.
Will you keep your voice down? It's his grandma's old place, and Walter keeps an eye on it.
Is he cooking out here? I-I looked into that trailer over there, and I-I saw some stuff.
He takes care of me, and I take care of him.
A-and I'm happy.
Okay? Hey.
The fuck is going on out here? We're just talking.
Well, shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to sleep.
Okay, we will.
- Jesus.
- Shh.
What the fuck you say? - Jesus.
- No.
- I said fucking "Jesus.
" - No.
Don't eye-fuck me, motherfucker.
Did I make you hear me right? - No, he's just tired.
- Asshole.
- Fuck you.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Come on, baby.
Babe, no, no.
- Back off.
We're just-- he's just tired.
We're all just tired.
Come on, babe.
Go back to sleep.
Okay? Please? I'll just-- I'll be right in.
- Fucker.
- All right, you go to bed.
I'll be right back.
He's just under a lot of stress now, okay? I mean, most of the time he's sweet, really sweet.
Ian, I'm finally happy.
People like us, we can be happy.
I love him.
And that's the most important thing, to find somebody you love, right? Who loves you back for who you are.
I want that for you.
I love you.
We're gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Fuck it.
Come on, cupcake.
They were in her bed together, in their underwear.
She asked him to spend the night.
Ian's off his meds.
He ran away with our batshit-crazy mother.
Carl's doing time in juvie, and now Deb wants to be a contestant on "Teenage Mom.
" Is she really pregnant? I don't know.
I don't even think she knows.
Could I possibly be doing a worse job of raising these kids? Liam isn't smoking crack.
Thanks for coming over.
I'm just having a meltdown.
What are friends for? Is that what we are-- friends? It's not a bad place to start.
The kids have got to be up in four hours.
You coming home tonight? I should be here in the morning, make sure Debs is not packing a bag to elope and picking out baby names.
You can stay here.
Uh, your bed sucks.
Never had complaints before.
You probably shouldn't be reminding your husband about how many men have tried out your mattress.
So you'll stay? I-I-I just don't think that the kids should get too comfortable with me being around.
Why not? 'Cause you haven't decided whether you really want to be with me yet.
It doesn't have to be tonight, Fiona.
But soon, okay? I need to know.
Bianca? Bianca? - Pain's back? - Uh-huh.
Your pills.
Where are your pills? Okay.
Ready? Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Good? - Mm-hmm.
How many have you had so far? More.
- It's too-- - Please, please.
I couldn't do it.
I tried.
But I was too afraid.
I thought it would be easy, but I couldn't do it.
It's okay.
Thank you.
For what? You've made me happy.
I've never been very happy, you know? Debbie.
Are you sure you're pregnant? Did you-- did you take a pregnancy test? We'll go buy one today.
I want to have a baby.
No, I-I know that you think that you do, but-- I know what I want and what I don't want.
No, you don't.
You're just a kid.
- I'm not a kid.
- Yes, you are.
It's my body, my decision.
You're just a kid if you're willing to make a decision that could ruin the rest of your life with a boy you barely know.
You married a guy you barely even know! Do you even love him? O-or do you still love Jimmy or maybe Sean or some other cute guy you run into on the street? Okay, okay.
Don't do this.
Don't have a baby.
It's a mistake.
I know who I love, and I know what I want even if you don't.
Oh Kev.
Kevin, wake up.
Dave is in the back, Dave is in the back You like? Did you go shopping? Mm.
Isn't this what you like? No.
I mean, what's the right answer? Is this what they wore-- those slutty coeds you nailed? Oh.
I mean, I don't-- sort of, I guess.
I mean, they wore a bunch of different kinds of things.
They wore skirts and sweatpants, most of 'em.
They wore jeans with those torn knees and-- Ow! Hey! You asked! V Oh, V, honey.
Go away, Kevin.
Oh, come on.
Go away.
I don't want you to dress like anybody else.
I want you to dress like you-- Veronica clothes.
Babies, Kev-- you better go and hold 'em.
Babies, Kev! No.
I know that's where you want to be, so you better go before they die! No, I want to be here with you.
Go get the babies! Kevin.
We'll go do it together, okay? Oh, shit, they sure can scream, can't they? As time heals a wound I will be dreaming In the meantime What the hell am I supposed Where's Gus? He left early.
Will you tell him I came by with some, uh, coffees? We were up kind of late last night.
Hey, Fiona.
If you don't love Gus, you're gonna have to man up and leave.
He won't do it.
He's too nice a guy.
And you you know Me what? You're not.
In the meantime What the hell am I supposed to do? _ Shit.
Bianca! Bianca! Bianca! Bianca! Not today! - You disappeared last night.
- I know.
That was a really shitty thing to do.
I know, I know.
I just had something to do, okay? You just split and left me there.
I waited for two hours.
Listen, I never asked you to come over, okay? What the fuck was that for? Making me fall in love with you.
I didn't make you do anything! Yes, you did, because you're so fucking you! You're not like anybody I know or have ever met or will ever meet.
You're just-- Oh, fuck! Aah! Thank you.
Thank you.
You're not on the schedule today.
What's going on with us? - Well, you're married.
- So? So, you're married.
I think I'm in love with you.
And I'm pretty sure you're in love with me too.
- Pretty sure, huh? - Or could be.
Gus seems like a good guy.
Something is going on with us.
We both know it.
Well, I don't want to be that shithead who's sleeping with some nice guy's wife, okay? I've been that guy, hiding in a closet.
What if Gus and I split up? Well, don't do it 'cause of me.
That's the staff.
I got to let 'em in.
Come on in.
It's 7:00.
I got to open.
You make me happy.
I'm happy when I'm around you.
Happy is overrated.
Grow up, Fiona.
Hello? Hello? Hey, Mick.
Where the fuck are you? Where the fuck you been? With my mom.
You okay? I hate the meds.
You gonna make me take 'em? You get fucking nuts when you don't.
Are you gonna want to be with me even if I don't? You used to love me.
Now you don't even know who I am.
Shit, I don't know who I am half the time.
You don't owe me anything.
I love you.
What the hell does that even mean? It means we take care of each other.
I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit.
It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit.
You gonna marry me? Are we gonna go down to the courthouse in some tuxes like a couple of old queens? Fuck you.
No, thanks.
I've already done that.
What the hell is wrong with you? Too much! Too much is wrong with me.
That's the problem, isn't it? Too much is wrong with me, and you can't do anything about that.
You can't change it.
You can't fix me, 'cause I'm not broken.
I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me! This is it.
This is you breaking up with me.
Really? Fuck.
Mickey! Holy shit.
Is that Sammi? Mickey.
She's got a fucking gun.
Do you think I'm a good person? Was that a gunshot? Fuck you! Oh, you're gonna get fucked! Is that Sammi? You tried to fucking kill me! Fuck you! Fuck you, too! Fuck you and your weird-ass kid! Oh, you're gonna get fucked, you little bitch! What the hell is going on? You shoot like a bitch! Hi.
What is going on? I'm not sure.
Mickey tried to kill Sammi.
Sammi's trying to kill Mickey, and something about her being in a box for a week.
When did you get back? Couple minutes ago.
How's Monica? Living with a teenage meth dealer.
Sounds like Monica.
That can't be good.
That's why I walk a thin line leads through every loop Shoot like a shotgun, hit like Mac truck Brawl like a number one cool Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
What happened to your face? Girl hit me.
Probably deserved it.
There's no such thing as casual sex anymore.
You know, I, uh I think I'm falling in love with one of my professors.
Woman? Yeah.
Is that Frank? Oh, yeah.
She's gone, boys.
She's gone.
I'm going out fighting, like lightning I'm blowing the ammo away I'm going out fighting, igniting like octane in my veins I'm going out fighting, so blinding like an ounce of sugar kane I'm going out fighting, so striking like a beast you can't restrain Let's do this.
Hey! Hey!
Previous EpisodeNext Episode