Shameless US s09e04 Episode Script

Do Right, Vote White!

1 The fuck were you doing last week that was more important than watching Shameless? Protesting homophobia and bigotry? Damn right you were.
- [ALL CHEERING.]
- Now watch the show! They made a list of the rapiest bars on the South Side, and The Alibi's number one? I can't go to public school.
Hopkins made me soft.
I have manners now.
I eat pâté.
There's three weeks of school left, and you got to go somewhere.
What if I help you get better grades? For free? No, for protection from Cracker Girl.
Okay, deal.
Your political contributions are welcome and most appreciated.
Mo White is our only hope.
You sure this isn't about the money, Frank? Of course it's about the money, Tommy.
- You got a sister? - Half-sister.
She's been in and out of rehab, like, 100 times.
I look after her kid sometimes.
The woman who owns box 669 Could you tell me about her? - I mean, what's she like? - She's a junkie.
Her daughter's in here all the time looking for her.
There's a kid I want you to recommend to West Point.
I already recommended someone.
- [WUBBY.]
Oh! - Bitch, I'm not asking.
[WINCES.]
What's his name? Carl Gallagher.
Aah! Why do you wear an ankle bracelet that shocks you when you get near a school? She told me she was 18.
- But - But? She wasn't.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
I'm not feeling so good.
Think I'm coming down with something.
Buddy, it's not happening.
You're going to school.
Go.
It's a waste of time.
I'm not learning anything.
Can you just homeschool me? No coffee.
Milk or juice.
[LIAM.]
All the famous people are homeschooled Leonardo da Vinci, Abe Lincoln, Justin Bieber.
I don't see you painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel anytime soon, Biebs.
Go.
[DOGS BARKING, GROWLING.]
Hey, Carl, how much longer those dogs gonna be dying down there? It's in God's hands now.
Well, tell God to hurry the fuck up, all right? The whole house stinks.
I'm providing an essential service to below-the-poverty-line animal lovers while racking up on community service hours for my West Point application.
- It's a win-win.
- Hey.
Military service is for losers.
Spoken like a true patriot.
And I'll be proud to protect your Constitutional right to be an asshole, Frank.
- What's with the outfit? - Got to hit the stump with Mo.
Tomorrow's election day.
We're fighting for the under-represented Caucasian male.
I think you're on the wrong side of history on this one.
Oh, I know Mo probably - isn't gonna win.
- Probably? [FRANK.]
But democracy's about fighting for what you believe is right.
And rounding up as much campaign contribution cash as possible.
[FRANK.]
Mo isn't taking money from lobbyists and corporate elites.
Only small donations - from the local citizenry.
- [TOASTER DINGS.]
[LIP.]
'Cause nobody with any sense would want to support a pedophile.
Au contraire, fruit of my loins.
No less a luminary than the president of these United States supported a candidate of questionable sexual history in regard to the chasing of underage tail.
Yeah, and the guy lost.
How much you getting paid, Frank? [LIP.]
Here you go.
I take a small stipend, as is the custom for campaign managers.
Might not want to wear that shirt out of the house, Frank.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, you okay? Couldn't sleep.
Got used to all the noise in jail.
It's too quiet here.
First time anybody's ever said that about this place.
Hey, you meet your public defender yet? Geneva and the Gay Jesus donors got a lawyer for me.
Rich queer, too much time on his hands since same-sex marriage got fixed.
[LIP.]
All right.
Hey, Xan, Liam, we got to go.
Here you go.
Hey, uh, Ian, Debbie was supposed to come home last night.
Franny's sleeping upstairs.
Can you keep an eye on her until, uh, she gets back? Debbie didn't come home last night? No, no, she said she was going to see a band with some friend.
[FRANK.]
Just like her mother, ready to spread her legs for any guy with a wallet chain and a flaming skull tattoo.
Still Father of the Year, Frank.
[DOGS CONTINUE BARKING.]
[SEDATE MUSIC.]
Before you, I was all alone You have time for breakfast? Yeah, sure.
- I work swing today.
- Mm.
Mm.
Patsy's? Ah, you mind if we stay in? I can make us some waffles.
- Waffles? - Yeah.
I love waffles.
Mm.
And I have fresh strawberries.
- Fresh strawberries? - Mm-hmm.
- I love fresh strawberries.
- [LAUGHS.]
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
I just can't believe that Frank is supporting that child-fucker Mo White.
I'm surprised anything Frank does still surprises you.
You have time to knock on a few doors for Ruiz with me later? Ruiz, not Wyman? Why would I support Wyman? 'Cause she's a woman.
Oh, I should support her just 'cause she's a woman? So you would never support a woman 'cause you're a man? Ruiz is pro-development, pro-business.
He'll be good for the South Side.
[CHUCKLES.]
And he'll be good for you.
I'm not gonna apologize for enlightened self-interest.
That's what makes America work.
Spoken like a true robber baron.
Spoken like a true socialist.
I'm Irish Free health care, free college tuition.
Endless rain, potato famine.
Bit behind the times, aren't you? It doesn't rain? Patsy's at 5:00.
We'll hit Pilsen.
We got to get those Ruiz votes out so I can continue exploiting the masses.
- [FORD.]
Mm-hmm.
- [SMOOCHES.]
[LAUGHS.]
[DOGS GROWLING, WHINING.]
Oh.
Sure they wouldn't have been better off if you'd just gassed them like you were supposed to? I couldn't bring myself to do it.
How are you gonna order men to kill the enemy if you can't put down a couple of old dogs? What? That's what officers do Order men to kill.
What'd you think they were gonna teach you at West Point, marching cadences? Is that what Gay Jesus would do? [IAN.]
What, kill old dogs? Hell, no.
Gay Jesus is all about inclusion and grace, but you're not looking to get into Heaven.
You want to lead lean, mean murdering machines.
[IAN.]
Can't kill a couple of old dogs, might be about time to start considering teaching kindergarten? Nursing school? [DOG WHINES.]
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING, DOG WHINES.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
You don't think someone could misinterpret that sign? What? How? If you have a vagina, you're safe.
Vagina Safe Zone.
But it could mean all the vaginas inside are safe from disease.
There is no way we are still on that rapiest bar list.
We have all the signed sex consent forms, we took down all the rapey posters and the bondage stuff.
It's time to call that bitch from the Southside Beat and get her back here to re-inspect.
Mo, where you been? I've been looking all over for you.
Today's about getting out the Mo vote and rounding up a few more campaign contributions while we still can.
Bus'll be along any minute.
You okay? Did you see the polls in the Tribune this morning? They have us at six percent, Frank.
Six.
I didn't get back into politics to be humiliated.
No, no, no, you got to look at the glass as half-full.
The Tribune had us at three on Saturday.
You've doubled your support in two days.
There's the bus.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Yeah? [FRANK.]
Mo? [ROMANTIC SOUL MUSIC.]
[PLAYFULLY.]
Eh Mmm.
These are wonderful waffles.
Right? Right, thank you.
- Very crispy.
- Mm-hmm.
Nice.
Mm.
- Hmm? - Mmm.
I've been searching for a spark You didn't lie Let's move in together.
- We should move in together.
- Yeah, we should.
Stormy clover eyes in every [UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC.]
[MRS.
WINSTON.]
Let's check our progress on Chapter 13.
You have 20 minutes to answer the ten questions.
Don't spend all your time on any one question.
If you don't know the answer, move on to the next and come back if you have time left.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hi.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Okay.
Sorry.
Okay.
Hey, Tyesha, what the hell is this? Oh, your dad came by.
He said you were okay with him putting it up.
Where is my Ru Scotch tape, please.
- Okay.
Last time.
- [PEOPLE MURMURING UNHAPPILY.]
Enjoy.
Hey.
Wyman? Give it.
[SIGHS.]
Take off the Wyman buttons.
Guys, no electioneering in the workplace.
Thank you.
No.
No, absolutely not.
Give it.
You want me to start singing We Shall Overcome? Loud? Anybody who agrees to wear a Ruiz pin gets a free piece of pie.
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Our social media group is really taking off.
[GENEVA.]
77,000 new followers on social media in the last five days.
Chapters are springing up all over the country, and even in Europe.
The Gay Jesus Germans have unsurprisingly turned militant quickly and burned down two evangelical churches in Stuttgart.
- [WOMAN.]
What's up? - Who are they? Our Lesbian Legion from the MMA gym on Racine.
Your gays turned out to be too sweet to handle security.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DEBBIE SIGHS.]
I'm in love.
What's his name this time? [DEBBIE.]
Alex.
Well, Alexandra.
- [REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPENS.]
- He's a she? Sort of.
She's pretty masculine.
- So you're a lesbian? - [BOTTLE CAP POPS, CLATTERS.]
Yeah, I am.
No, you're not.
You have a kid.
Carl, a lot of lesbians have children, and besides, I hate men, so maybe I am.
We're in love, and we're moving in together.
[KEYS CLACKING.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
- You gonna get that? - [DEBBIE.]
Nope.
- Yo, I'm coming! - [POUNDING CONTINUES.]
You Carl Gallagher? Yeah.
What the fuck? You took my recommendation to West Point.
Congressman Ubberman promised it to me, and you stole it.
I think you broke my nose! Now my dad says I got to enlist in the Marines.
And that's my problem how? What the fuck? Stop hitting me! I'll fight you for it.
A duel, to the death if necessary.
I challenged you.
You pick the weapons.
Fists and feet, guns, knives, bats, bricks What the fuck is a duel? Duty, country, honor It's the West Point way.
Meet at Damen Silos, tomorrow at dusk.
The person still breathing gets the recommendation.
I was staying at a motel in Gary, laying asphalt after high school.
Invited the front-desk girl to my room for a few beers.
We ended up having sex, but she kind of cried through the whole thing.
What's that called? Did you stop? Banging her? Hell, no.
That's a Kobe.
[TOMMY.]
You think she wanted me to stop? You think she was crying because she was having a good time? What's a Weinstein? Being manipulative and pathetic.
About the only way I ever get sex is being manipulative and pathetic.
You ever jack off into a potted plant? Ask for massages wearing an open bathrobe? Hmm? [KEVIN.]
Rape a couple dozen? Allegedly.
No.
Then you're probably an Ansari.
[KERMIT.]
What's an Ansari? That's just being a dick.
Slipped a woman a Quaalude once.
- Then fucked her? - Mm-hmm.
A Cosby.
What about that handsy Dr.
Rob at the clinic, with the deep body hugs and the butt pats? - A Lasseter.
- Who the hell's that? Cartoon guy.
He made Toy Story.
I love Toy Story.
Buzz Lightyear! [CHUCKLES.]
- Holy shit.
- What? - Willy wagging.
- CK.
[TOMMY.]
I mean, I slept with a woman I was dating's 19-year-old daughter last year.
That got a name? That's a Woody Allen.
W she made all the first moves, though.
[VERONICA.]
You're gonna need a bigger board for your list, babe.
Consent, gentlemen.
A clear and verbal consent to participate in sexual activity, freely given and reversible.
Even if we're both naked and already doing it? Even if you're already naked - and banging.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
When she says "stop," you stop.
Kevin Ball? - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- That's me.
Beth Watson, Southside Beat.
Beth, thank you for coming.
Can I get you something? Maybe a chilled glass of Chablis or a Cosmo? Whiskey, neat.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[BRAD.]
That dentist came by again.
Still wants to buy that bike you rebuilt.
Said he'd pay you two grand over book.
It's not for sale.
Two grand? Sentimental value.
[RENEE.]
There's a lady up front looking for you, Lip.
- What's she want? - [RENEE.]
Didn't say.
[SNIFFS.]
Hi.
You Lip? Yeah.
My sister says you have my kid.
Xan.
I want her back.
Where is she? She's at school.
Where? I got to go get her.
Where are you living? What? Where will Xan live? None of your goddamn business.
Where's my kid? No, not until you tell me where she's gonna be living.
We got an appointment.
- Oh, you have an appointment? - Tell me where she is.
What kind of appointment, huh? With Social Services? You need to show up - Give me my fucking kid! - with Xan so you can keep collecting your benefits? And then what, you're gonna dump her back out on to the streets? Who the fuck do you think I'm someone who gives a shit about your daughter! Jesus, what the hell's going on out here? I got customers.
- I want her back.
- [GROANS SOFTLY.]
What was that all about? [ROCK MUSIC.]
No more hippies Stealing daisies These ladies No longer lazy Fuck, yeah.
[MO.]
You won't regret it, sir.
Remember, a vote for Mo White is a vote for the way things used to be - and can be again, huh? - You got it.
Take care.
Ooh.
[FRANK.]
Every little bit helps to save our South Side, Mr.
Nowakowski.
Most people give a 20, but a 50 would make you a true American patriot.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.
Oh, this is a-a $5.
Did you think it was a $50? Oh, fuck.
Washington is a fascinating place.
Incredible opportunities for young student citizen interns.
Hello, girls.
Oh.
Well, it's you're too young to vote in this election, but you make sure to register the minute you hit puberty.
Okay? Off you go.
[CHUCKLES.]
[FRANK.]
Off you go.
Hello, Kitty.
That's not how you say it, Mo.
[LAUGHS.]
[MRS.
WINSTON.]
Liam.
Am I in some kind of trouble? No.
We've been monitoring your test results during your first weeks here at Richard Milhous Nixon, and we don't think we placed you in the right grade.
Am I getting held back? That happens a lot in my family.
No, we're moving you up.
Let's try you in Mrs.
Metzler's class this fall.
She teach third grade? Uh, no.
Sixth.
Oh.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[QUIETLY.]
Guys, guys, don't stare, but three women just walked into the bar.
I said don't stare.
V, look.
[KEVIN.]
Ladies! We're off the rapiest bar list.
No shit? And there is a picture of you standing out front.
- I look good.
- Hell, yeah, you do.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, man, it's working! Just sit anywhere you like, ladies.
[WOMAN.]
Thank you.
[VERONICA.]
She says we are now the most female friendly dive bar on the South Side.
- Boom.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- C-can you - I got it.
You the, uh, Vagina Safe guy? Yes.
I'm Bill Doyle.
I own the Spread Eagle on 52nd.
Oh, yeah, I know the place.
Uh, deep-fried pickles, right? So, um I was number two on the rapey bar list.
Then you got off it, so now I'm number one.
Sorry to hear that, Bill.
You already got women coming in.
Wow.
How'd you turn it around? I had to take an honest inventory about how The Alibi was contributing to the oppression of women and help furthering the patriarchy.
So maybe you could stop by the Eagle and give me a few pointers, you know? I mean, I'm willing to pay you for your time.
[WOMAN CHATTERING.]
Have a seat, Bill.
- [RENEE.]
Hey, Xan.
- [XAN.]
Hey, Renee.
Hey.
How was school today? Same.
Eh? Uh, your snacks are in the fridge.
You gonna tell her about her mom? Why? Can't see myself giving her back to a junkie.
Look, she'd be Dumpster diving, sleeping in a cardboard box.
She's still her mom.
Call DCFS.
They deal with this shit all the time.
I know you're trying to be a good guy, but you should've called a long time ago.
[FIONA.]
Come back tomorrow with an "I Voted" sticker, and you get free nachos.
You're going to hell.
It's the way of the world, Tyesha.
Every vote can be bought.
Some votes are just cheaper than others.
You don't think giving away nachos for the Hispanic guy is maybe a tiny bit racist? Ruiz is from Puerto Rico.
Nachos are from Mexico.
Hey, Jorge.
- You registered to vote? - Yeah.
You want to come in a little later tomorrow, have time to get your family and friends to the polls for Ruiz? I'm not voting for Ruiz.
[TYESHA.]
Hey.
Some handsome Irish dude out here waiting for you.
Hi.
Is it 5:00 already? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay, uh, we'll hit Pilsen.
Then we'll go over to Logan Square.
[SIGHS.]
The son of an Irish socialist helping a capitalist convince the immigrant masses to vote against their own interests.
James Connolly would be spinning in his grave.
Who? James Connolly.
Hey, you're Ian, right? Gay Jesus.
Yeah.
Um I've been watching your videos with my friends.
Burning vans, the sermons It's inspiring.
Thanks.
You really believe that's what Jesus was teaching? What, inclusion, love and acceptance for all? Yeah, absolutely.
You don't think God sees homosexual bestiality as a sinful perversion of His divine creation? What? Get him! [ROCK MUSIC.]
Not the boy with a steadfast notion [MAN.]
Faggot! Heavy hands never can we stay [MAN.]
That way! That way! Ah, you'll pay for it Ah, you're wasting it Ah, don't taste the same Rock is still a racket on the Eastside Stake your claim Step away when my heart's not shaking Raise the blades when the song starts straying [DOG BARKING.]
I can't say no Ah, you'll pay for it Ah, don't taste the same [MEN SHOUTING.]
Rock is still a racket on the Eastside Stake your claim - [MAN.]
Come back, you bitch! - [MAN.]
Get him! [MAN.]
We'll get you next time! [MAN.]
I know who you are, bitch! Ah, you'll pay for it Ah, don't taste the same Rock is still a racket on the Eastside Stake your claim Hello, sir? Sorry to bother you.
My name's Carl Gallagher.
I'm hoping to go to West Point next year, but I've lost my killer instinct.
Word is around the neighborhood you're a highly decorated haji-killing machine.
I was hoping you can give me some pointers on how to get my homicidal mojo back.
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE.]
[SOMBER ROCK MUSIC.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
When they look up at you with those big, sad eyes, you can see the life you're gonna be taking.
Yeah, but that's dogs, kid.
I mean, I couldn't kill a dog.
Oh, we had this straggly little fucker following us around during my third tour - in Kandahar.
- [BEER CAN OPENS.]
Fleas jumping off of him.
Smelled like an Iraqi shithouse.
I loved that little pooch.
Ah, I couldn't kill a dog.
But hajis? Oh, you bet ya.
See these? Confirmed kills.
I promise you, first one is the toughest.
After that it's a hot knife through butter.
You know who kills dogs? Hajis.
Yeah, they eat 'em, too, okay? You think about that when you're killing them.
Okay, they eat your dogs.
And if dogs don't work for you, then you imagine they want to kill your sister or your buddy, and you imagine that that man at the receiving end of your burst of automatic weapon fire wants to kill your mother.
My mother's dead, sir.
And guess who killed her.
That fucker you just shot in the face with your M4.
Well, I guess I took the West Point recommendation from a kid who had the spot on it before, pissed him off, and he came over and challenged me to a duel.
Whoever lives gets to go.
Yeah, that's typical officer bullshit.
Joker have soft hands? I didn't feel his hands.
This might be just the chance you need to get your kill-feet wet.
I mean, he challenged you, so you get to pick the weapons, right? - Mm-hmm.
- Good.
Pick rifles and then shoot the bastard in the fucking face.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Hi, I'm with Mo White.
We're hoping you'll make a contribution to help keep the Hi, I'm Mo White.
I'm running for C Hi, I'm Mo Hi, there.
Is your mother home? Hi, I'm with Mo Hi, I'm Mo White.
Hi, I'm Mo W [WOMAN YELLING.]
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Hey, what do you say we find a spot to knock back a few, then look for more promising Mo White territory? Maybe that titty bar on Keller, the one with the Confederate battle flags? Yeah, it felt good, telling the truth, letting people know what I really think.
Doesn't happen much in politics.
You know, I wasn't expecting to actually win, but single digits [EXHALES POINTEDLY.]
My old friends in Congress would be laughing their asses off.
It's all the illegals who can vote now.
Otherwise, you'd be winning for sure.
I guess.
What were you hoping for? 20%, 22%.
Maybe force a runoff.
A runoff? Yeah, a few extra weeks to make my case to the voters.
Ah, fuck it.
I'm gonna go over to Chuck E.
Cheese, watch the girls jump into the foam pit.
Thanks, Frank.
For what? For believing.
[UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC.]
Hi.
A vote for Ruiz is a vote for the future.
Gracias.
Hi.
Election's tomorrow.
- Don't forget to vote.
- Thanks.
Why all this sudden passion for Ruiz? Wyman always seems to be on the right side of things.
Wyman supported Lift the Ban.
Lift the Ban? Election day is tomor Yeah, rent control.
She's for it.
Ah.
And Ruiz opposes it? He's a businessman.
He gets it.
Rents are getting pretty high.
So are property taxes and utility costs for apartment owners.
Working people need somewhere affordable to live as well.
Yeah, and the city should build them some.
There's lots of weed-filled lots all around here to build low-income housing without sticking apartment owners like me with more regulations and bureaucracy.
What? Nothing.
No, go on.
Say it.
Don't think that I'd better.
What, that That I'm a traitor to my class? That rent control is there to protect people like me and my family, poor people? Something like that, yeah.
I've worked my ass off every single day since I'm ten years old to get a little something for myself, and now the city wants to tell me how much rent I should charge? Why? So that deadbeats like Frank can leech off disability and live in my rent-controlled apartments while I can barely keep up with rising costs? Is that why you didn't want to say anything? Pretty much, yeah.
You get all your homework done? Yeah? [SIGHS.]
[TENDER MUSIC.]
Do you want to stay with me here? If your mom doesn't come back? Forever? Yeah, that'd be good.
Hey.
Hey.
You all right? Not really.
Think I might have pulled a hamstring.
Yeah? How? Running from homophobes.
I guess there's nothing new about that, right? [SIGHS.]
[MICROWAVE DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
- [MICROWAVE BEEPING.]
- Think you could do hard time? What, in prison? Uh Rather not.
Gay Jesus kids don't want me to cop a plea.
Want me to take it to trial, get as much publicity for the cause as I can.
Yeah, and what's your lawyer say? Could be looking at 10 to 15 if I don't take a deal.
[MICROWAVE BEEPING.]
You, uh, hearing Shim again? Sometimes.
Well [SIGHS.]
what's Shim think? Unclear.
Xan's mom showed up today.
She's a junkie hooking.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
Maybe you should try asking Shim.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, maybe.
[ALEX.]
You know, I just realized I never really established any clear boundaries with Sara, you know? Mm.
You know, she was the last person I ever let go down on me.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's a trust thing.
We were engaged.
We had already picked out the names of our first three kids.
We already reserved our burial plots.
- You were engaged? - Yeah, twice.
You ever think about getting married? [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Yeah, lots of times.
Mm-hmm.
There was Matty and Derek, Franny's dad, and Neil, but that was just kind of for the cash.
I thought it would be weird having sex without penises, but it's not that bad.
There's also other things we get to do, too, that are pretty good.
It's not so messy.
We don't have to worry about birth control I mean, Matty did have a really big dick, which was super great and everything, and Derek really knew what he was doing and had such a good body.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know.
Having sex with a girl is like It's kind of like having sex with yourself.
You know? [TRAIN PASSING OVERHEAD.]
[DOG BARKING.]
- [TERRY.]
Down! - [DOG BARKS.]
- [TERRY.]
Down, Adolf! - [SMACK.]
- Down! - [DOG WHIMPERS.]
[LOCK CLICKS.]
Jesus! What the fuck you want? I heard you got out, Milkovich.
Couple weeks.
[SIGHS.]
- What are you doing tomorrow? - Why? Want to help a good man save the South Side? You paying? Yeah.
[PATRIOTIC MUSIC.]
Oh.
What, you headed to church, Frank? Got to head out early, convince the Mo voters to get to the polls.
Mo voters.
What, is there a branch of the Klan somewhere around here? God-fearing European-American patriots are everywhere, son.
Carl, you gonna vote? - Too young.
- Ian? Doubt it.
What's the point? Lip? Not registered.
How are we ever gonna effect real change in this country if our young citizens refuse to participate? Now, you do know it's illegal to ask for campaign contributions after you lose an election, right? Well, you never know.
Could force a runoff.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
You're up early.
Wanted to vote before work.
You can vote? Yes.
I'm a citizen.
Eight years.
Who'd you vote for? Wouldn't you like to know? Wyman? [CHUCKLES.]
Mo? Eh, definitely not Mo.
There's bacon and half an omelet in the oven.
See you later.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hi.
Good morning.
[GRUNTS.]
Uh, is it my turn to pick breakfast today? I could make us some eggs.
Uh, no.
Actually, I kin um I kind of got to get to work, so Oh.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Bye.
[ROCK MUSIC WITH SYNTH.]
[MAN SINGING IN SPANISH.]
Think I could kill a man, Jasper? Think I could do it? Shoot him in the face? [CARL.]
Watch his brains blow out the back of his head as the life slowly drains from his eyes and his blood puddles at my feet? - [SIGHS.]
- [GUN UNCOCKS.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Okay, just sort of spread out, casual.
Easy, casual.
Put the chain away.
Thank you.
- [FRANK.]
Okay.
- [VAN DOORS CLOSE.]
Okay, half now, half when the polls close.
No violence, no verbal threats.
Just act scary.
Got it.
We hit the party, it was 2:00 a.
m.
The place was jumping, it was most of our friends And in the corner crept a black-haired vixen She looked like she could use Some of my fixin' [IZZY.]
What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't be out here.
Those shirts are advocating for a candidate.
No, no, these proud men and women of European extraction are just exercising their right to free expression and comfortable warm-weather outerwear.
No electioneering outside of polling places.
I'm waiting for my mother to get out of Mass so we can vote together.
I'm waiting for my sister.
And I give her Exactly what she needs My fixin' Will bring her to her knees To her knees To her knees Hey, I didn't see you come in.
Oh, I came in the back.
All the applause and hugging when I come in the front is kind of weird.
What is this? Oh, just a couple of the arty kids are working up a few ideas for if you do end up in prison.
Couple assholes in a van chased me last night.
Apparently, they're not very big fans of my interpretations of Biblical verse.
Fuckers.
I'll get you a couple of Lesbian League bodyguards.
They'd love nothing more than a chance to stomp homophobes.
Think any of this is gonna end up making a difference? Ian, you've given thousands of gay and lesbian teenagers a voice.
You've inspired us to stand up and fight for ourselves.
You know what I was thinking when I was running away from those bastards? It's been 2,000 years since Jesus died on the cross, and I'm still running for my life down an alley 'cause I fall in love with men instead of women.
- Yeah.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Just got a 911 from Antifa.
Bunch of Nazis are keeping people from voting at an elementary school.
Jeez, what's with the suit? We have a new consulting business - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Vagina Safe.
It's Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, but for not being rapey.
We're doing an inspection.
We check out bars and make sure that they're safe for women.
Mm, definitely not gonna be safe wearing that outfit.
You see, that's exactly what we're talking about, Tommy.
A woman should feel free to dress however slutty she wants, whenever.
- "Slutty"? - No, baby, not you.
You know, other women who are slutty.
We award the bars one, two, or three vaginas after our inspection.
- Three vaginas are the safest.
- What is that? Spy camera.
Cool, huh? [VERONICA.]
What's up with you? You okay? Well, I'm heading over to vote, but Ford got in my head, and now I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing voting for Ruiz.
You're definitely not doing the right thing.
Why does everyone think I'm supposed to vote for Wyman? Just 'cause she's a woman? Ruiz is a successful businessman.
He knows how to get things done.
That "successful businessmen in Washington" shit's not working too well for us right now.
So not voting for Wyman makes me a racist and a hypocrite? If the tiny glove fits We got to go pretty soon, baby.
Bye, Fi.
You're drinking a beer in the middle of the day.
It might be a clue as to whether you're making the right decision or not.
Bye, girl.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING.]
Lightning struck my mind [ENGINE TURNING OVER, REVVING REPEATEDLY.]
With the ashes of my own hand Torn by angels' claws Mystics told and sold their dirty cross How much you get? - Twelve.
- [TIRES SQUEALING.]
You know, he's probably gonna wreck that bike within a week.
Yeah.
You may even get a chance to rebuild it again if he lives.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, Frank.
What the fuck is going on here? What? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC.]
[TERRY.]
Who are these ninja motherfuckers? [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[TERRY.]
Shit.
Are those women? Fuck you! You did this? Hey! [LAUGHS.]
[LOCK CLICKS, DOOR OPENS.]
Hey.
Hi.
Did I do something wrong? - I can't do this again.
- Do what? It's just It's too many triggers, - and it just - Triggers? Falling in love with a straight girl, it's too painful.
Oh, Alex, I'm gay.
[SCOFFS.]
You've been gay what, two days? I always do this.
I always do this.
I promised myself I wouldn't do it again, and What what if I am gay? See, you're not even sure.
You don't know if you're in love with me or you just hate men.
Can't I be in love with you and hate men, too? Please go.
Just go.
[MARTIAL MUSIC.]
You choose.
We count off 20 paces, turn, and shoot.
- Okay.
- [GUNS COCK.]
Uh, back to back.
Saw it in a movie.
[BOTH.]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
[SCREAMING.]
What the hell did you do that for? I don't want to go to West Point! - Fucking kid - It's my dad! [SCREAMING.]
I want to go to Sarah Lawrence and be a poet.
What? [GASPING.]
Hey, hey, hey Oh, I'm a I'm a cripple now.
I don't have to go into the military.
Yeah, I don't know if it works like that.
It's a flesh wound.
Probably heal up pretty quick.
Shit! Shit! Shoot me.
- What? - Yeah, through the bone.
All right, I'll have a limp.
Great poets have limps.
No fucking way.
"I wander, lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vale and hills, when all at once, I see a crowd, a host, of golden daffodils" Jesus, knock off that golden daffodils shit.
"Besides the lake beneath the trees, fluttering, dancing in the breeze, continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle in the" Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Thank you.
[GASPS.]
Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh, one was enough.
I'm good.
[WHIMPERS, PANTS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Ah, hey.
[BEN.]
Hey, thanks, man.
Dude, kill it at West Point! [DOOR CLOSES.]
[FORD HUMMING.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What happened to your hand? I was in a riot outside an elementary school.
A riot? It was Frank.
Don't ask.
[SIGHS.]
I voted for Wyman.
Good.
So I'm not a traitor to my class.
No, I never said that you were.
- You thought so.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[LIP.]
What's going on? [CRYING.]
I'm moving back home.
You moved out? Alex and I broke up.
[SNIFFLES.]
Who's Alex? Shut up, Lip! Shut up! Hey, um, are you gonna be all right hanging here if I have to go out for a while? Where are you going? I'll be back, all right? Just do your homework.
Those hairy-armpit Rastas are tougher than they look.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Fought the good fight, Mo.
You got nothing to be ashamed of.
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
[WOMAN ON TV.]
In a shocking development on the South Side, and with all polling locations now reporting, Maurice "Mo" White is the surprise victor - Holy shit, Mo.
- collecting just over 52% of the votes cast.
- [CROWD CHANTING.]
Mo White - You won.
[WOMAN.]
Pollsters admit that estimates were likely skewed due to the reluctance of most voters to admit they're actually bigots.
You're a congressman again.
What are you gonna do? - [CROWD CHANTING.]
Mo White! - Huh.
- Mo White! Mo White! - Absolutely nothing.
That's the beauty of being in Congress.
You don't have to do a goddamn thing.
[LAUGHS.]
[WOMAN.]
where shocked supporters can't believe the results and are already calling for a recount.
Wyman collected only 20 What the fuck do you want? Ten grand.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
I give you ten grand, and you agree to stay away from Xan.
You have to sign some papers.
What kind of papers? You'd relinquish your parental rights and make me Xan's legal guardian.
[PAPERS SHUFFLING.]
Ten grand.
Take it or leave it.
Can I see the papers? [BREATHES RAGGEDLY.]
You'd have to sign it in front of a notary to make it legal.
We can go in the morning.
Mom? I knew you'd come back for me! [MERCY.]
It's so good to see you.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[MAN ON TV.]
Congressman Mo White was sworn into office - on Capitol Hill today.
- [CHUCKLES.]
The surprise winner won a hard-fought campaign against Isaac Ruiz and Eleanor Wyman, capturing 52% of the vote.
Not long ago I didn't know Mo had a family.
[MAN.]
He campaigned relentlessly He doesn't.
[MAN.]
and it definitely paid off.
[ROCK MUSIC.]