Shameless US s10e03 Episode Script

Which America?

1 Were you just looking at my ass? I know you were just looking at my ass.
You saying you wanted to know what happened last week on Shameless.
Sure you were.
You're Carl.
Heard of me? This is Anne Gonzalez, assistant manager.
Tough as nails.
She keeps everybody in line.
I know you're selling vape pens to little Mexican kids.
And I want to go into business with you.
Remember when we first got here, we had fun together.
All we did was bang.
We laughed too.
Are you dumping me? Fuck you! You're not dumping me.
I'm dumping you.
What'd you decide to name him? Freddie.
My professor's name.
Hopefully Tami likes it.
We didn't really have a chance to discuss it.
What about the returns? That's right.
There must be tons of stuff out there.
Yeah, well, we're not giving it away for free this time.
- We're not? - No.
We're gonna auction that off, make some money off these ingrates.
Do you know who banged a black person in our family lineage? Someone from your mother's grandfather's side of the family had a mistress.
- Lives down the street.
- Why didn't you tell me? Get away from the house, Frank! That's why, son.
It pisses me off I got an inheritance waiting for me, and Debbie's holding it hostage.
You let women run your life.
So you're buying this shit and returning it, aren't you? Get out of my she shed.
You get these back when Frank is head of the household.
Make things right.
What I do have are ATM cards: One for the each of you.
Frank, if you want to take over as head of the household, please do.
It's a shit job.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Today's his coronation.
You know what that is? The crowning of the king.
We're drinking all day in my honor.
Here you go.
Just put it on my debit card.
No, that's not possible.
My daughter just gave that to me.
Try it again, please.
Please? What the fuck? Maybe there's something wrong with the magnetic strip.
Can you enter it manually? Yeah.
- Can you lick it? - Get up on the Put some elbow grease into it.
Do it real fast.
There's a line.
You got cash? What the fuck? Debbie.
Declined? No, no, I just I just activated that.
Could you, uh Could you just run it again? Thanks.
Uh, sorry then.
Um, I'll, uh I'll put these back.
What the fuck, Debbie? What the fuck, Debbie? Miss Gallagher! Miss Gallagher, just a second.
You forgot this.
Thank you so much.
You see, this is why I shop here.
The customer service.
Come back soon, Miss Gallagher! I sure will.
In thirty days or less.
What? How many minutes till lunch? Check the clock.
I would, but your big fat fuckin' head - is blocking my - So fuckin' move.
I can't.
I'm not allowed on your side of the cell, remember? It is 10:56! Now, was that so fuckin' hard? Heads up, Gallagher.
Letter from Santa.
It's from the parole board.
Oh, shit.
I have a hearing on the 10th.
I thought I'd be here at least a year, didn't you? Yo, you hear me? I have a hearing on the 10th.
I heard you.
And? What? You got a parole meeting, man.
Good for you.
That's all you got to say? Oh, shit.
Forgot to set the DVR to record the Sox/Cubs game.
You gonna be playing it in here? Yeah.
But the game's in six hours, Tommy.
You got time to run home.
Already got my beer, though, my stool.
That was me and Fiona's jam.
Put on short-shorts, see how many free drinks we could score, how many fights we could start Damn, I miss my girl.
You should go to the game, V.
Take a friend.
What friend? I don't know.
Any of 'em.
You got tons of friends.
Name one.
I'll go.
I'm your friend.
I would legit not say hello to you if I saw you in public.
What about Debbie? She's still a teenager.
All right, how about Gina? Gina has four kids.
She's home clipping coupons, trying not to drink till noon.
It's no big thing, not having close girlfriends.
Grown-ass women are busy with marriages, kids, jobs, lives Okay, I got one.
What about that girl that you used to party with all the time, then you wore the same size shoes! Fiona.
Hey, man, what are you drinking? Got some TVs fell off the back of a truck.
This where you can sell stuff? No, this is not the place that sells stolen goods as a side hustle.
Unless you got a secret password? Alibi side hustle.
I'll meet you in the alley out back.
Come in! Get that Cuban outta my house! Addie! Don't be rude.
You have a guest.
She's harmless.
Just Alzheimer's mixed with full-blown racism.
Hi, I'm Liam.
I come in peace, ma'am.
Liam? What kind of name is that? Guatemalan? Get his Guat ass outta here! Sorry, maybe this isn't a good time for her.
- Hello? - Who's that? It's me! MaVar! Your favorite great-nephew! What's up, little lady? Yeah! Hey, got you some doughnu Ah.
There you go.
Who's this little tyke? I'm Liam.
Monica's son.
Who's Monica? Whore.
She was the half-sister to Omar's cousin.
You're Frank Gallagher's boy.
Yeah, uh, listen.
You're not welcome here, Liam.
You gotta understand that Frank and Monica wronged this family 20 ways since Tuesday.
I mean, sued Addie for a loose handrail on the porch; opened credit cards in all our names; stole our Chevy Malibu; made meth in the bathroom upstairs.
No, I get it.
But I'm just the only black person in a house full of crackers.
But that's not on you.
Thank you for your time.
Hold up.
A black man in need is a black man in need.
I see you.
And you need guidance.
A Sherpa Someone like me.
Holla that.
That's No holla.
Never holla.
Now, just sit your ass down.
Yes, sir.
I mean, take your time.
Business meetings can start late.
That's professional.
I'm sorry.
I got held up at the ATM.
You know, I couldn't get my breakfast sandwich.
My morning's all fucked, and I'm hangry Shut up and check out that line, son.
All asking for tartar sauce.
Drove up new business.
I underestimated you.
- You have game.
- It was easy.
Middle school was having a field day.
You know, three-legged-races, egg toss shit.
You know, it was like taking candy from a baby.
Well, here's your cut, partner.
Thank you, partner.
Yo! I got a line forming in here that's longer than my grandma's tits! - Clock in, pirates! - Sorry, Lori.
Yes, master.
Have fun deep-frying shit in trans fats.
Oh, I will.
Jealous? Hey.
Hey, little man! How's my favorite nephew? Let me take an uninterrupted nine-minute nap last night.
You eager to get back to work? Already? Oh, no, no.
Listen, I was wondering if I could get an advance on my paycheck.
No problem.
Cami'll cut ya a check.
Hey, Cami! Ca Lip needs an advance! Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You want to see him? - Yeah.
Any news on when Tami's getting out? Not yet.
They said they were moving her into a regular room today.
So and they said that Freddie can come see her, which is is good.
Thank God.
Killing her not being able to hold him.
It's killing her not to be able to wash her hair, too.
You know, I got an itemized list of hair products to go buy after this.
Um, look, Lip.
About the advance.
The IRS called yesterday.
I'm supposed to garnish your paycheck this week by half.
- Wait, what? - I don't know.
Something about student loans? Or your Social Security? Right.
No, sorry.
I, um I I can take care of that.
I'll take care of that.
Debbie used my real Social Security on a bank account? Have I taught her nothing? Don't be so hard on yourself, Frank.
Look, we've all had accounts frozen by the IRS.
What was she thinking? I haven't used my real Social since draft-dodging in '69.
Well, you can lead a horse to water, - but if the camel's an idiot - What are you doing? No, don't don't don't Don't do I figured I'd give it a shot.
It ate the card.
God dammit! You think this is funny, don't you, you little robot nerd in there! You and your big bank Big Brother and paving the way for automation! This is horse shit! Hey, we're gonna call your Aunt Debbie, huh? Yes, we are.
Yes, we are.
It'll just take a sec.
Boop, boop, boop, hoo.
Hi, Aunt Debbie.
It's Lip and Fred calling.
And we were just wondering if you happened to use my real fucking Social Security and place of employment when you put me on the bank account for my debit card? 'Cause I've got Sallie Mae calling and my paycheck got garnished, and this is exactly what I want to be dealing with with Tami in the hospital.
So I'm feeling a little bit like I might stab you in the fuckin' eye.
Call me back.
You ready, Freddie? Let's go.
Pa, pa, pa.
If somebody comes to the workplace talking about unionization, you probably have somebody, likely from management, come down here and tell you that unions are bad, right? Hey, who is this guy? Union rep.
He stopped us on the way in to tell us about the advantages of organizing.
I'm gonna give him one more minute just to get that free T-shirt, and then I'm gonna clock in.
What the hell is on your wrist? A tennis bracelet.
Why? Because I'm worth it.
But why would we unionize? Isn't our thing that we're not union? Like, in a good way? Yeah, but apparently we can get overtime and dental if we listen to this guy.
Actually, what I said was we have to fight for paid overtime and dental.
2019 is a big negotiations year for us, and we're gonna fight like hell for all of our members.
Let me ask you something Debbie.
All right.
Did you know that this is what the ironworker's union gets as an annual childcare credit? I want a childcare credit.
Yeah, I know you do.
Plus paid holidays, paid overtime, pension and benefits, job security.
Right? You need it, and the only way to get it is with the union.
Now, do you have a voice, Debbie? Yes.
"Yes" or "yeah"? Yes, bitch! Damn.
- I know.
- That's crazy soon.
Yo, you know the rumor is, they're trying to kick out the nonviolent offenders.
Making room for the violent offenders, murderers and armed robbers and the true derelicts like us.
That's right.
I mean, I blew up a van.
Look, I shot a man in the face seven times.
I tortured a rival gang leader for two weeks, fed his body to my pit bulls.
Look, man, you know to watch your back right now though, right? When a brother gets his date, people start coming at him all jealous, trying to sabotage his parole.
How'd your boy take it? Mickey? Uh He didn't really say much, you know? What's his position? His position? His position, man.
Like, what's your deal on the outside, you know, when one of you is out and the other one is still in here? Like me and Consuelo.
He's out; I'm in.
We're doing long-distance the first two years with an option to renew, and we granted mutual permission to engage in sexual activity with other people so long as there's no kissing on the mouth.
Yo, tell me that you and Mickey have had the talk, right? I mean Oh, shit! Oh, this brother is fucked! I mean, why would we talk about something completely hypothetical? My sentence was supposed to be three to five years.
They didn't have the talk.
Look, man, that is prison-gay 101, Gallagher.
You gotta have the talk.
Man, you gotta know what the deal is.
You gotta know where you stand.
Otherwise people get hurt.
Psst! Carl! You want a hot fish filet? Nice.
Very mature.
Jesus, Stump.
Grow up.
Okay, Carl, come with me.
The fish dicks can handle things, can't they? - Yes, Lori.
- Sorry, Lori.
I got a special cleaning assignment for you, my little pirate.
Come with me.
Oh, spoiler alert: It's already clean.
So then what am I cleaning? Hey, use a safe-word! "Harder" is not a good safe word.
See, that's the thing, Liam.
Pride equals job equals self-esteem equals more pride.
Repeat that back to me.
Pride equals self-esteem equals pride.
See, that's why I do what I do.
That's why I sell used cars.
Because I believe in value.
It's rewarding to put a beautiful, proud black man in a good, reliable car.
Let him hold his head sky high.
I just wish there was a list of rules.
How to be a black man in America.
Which America? This one? No, no, no, see: There's black America, like here in South Side.
And we're black, and there's a set of rules for how to be black here, right? Gotta be strong but never the aggressor.
Can't let anyone punk you.
No open toe shoes, etcetera.
But then there's being black in white America.
Now, which America we talking about? I'm not sure.
All right.
Which elementary school did you go to? Hopkins Academy.
Okay, we going straight white America.
Rules for a black man are simple: Never go out after 6:00 p.
Never wear a hoodie darker than sky blue.
And never acknowledge sexual desires around white women.
Gotta eat sushi now.
Yes to yoga.
Yes to farm-to-table.
Yes to TED Talks.
Yes to Banksy.
No to all other street art.
You getting all this? Okay, wow.
Now, if a cop stops you, that's its own list: Never run.
No reaching.
No sudden movements.
Little smile can't hurt.
Compliment the cop.
I like your tie, sir.
What lovely eyes you have.
This is all Debbie's? Debbie Gallagher's? Yeah.
Someone has a secret she-shed down by the seashore.
I It's like the moment a-a master forger sees his student's work for the first time and recognizes her brilliance.
What does she do, re-sell all this? She wears it and returns it within 30 days to get a full cash refund.
What a conniving, nasty, little genius! And here I thought she was a straight shooter.
This requires real craft.
I feel deep love for her.
Grab the totes and clutches.
I'll grab the pumps.
Let's bleed her dry.
No, no, wait Well, hold on a second, Mikey.
She earned all this stolen shit fair and square.
And I'm not a tyrant king, am I? I want to be benevolent and fair with my subjects.
We'll only take the Gucci.
Just enough to cover the ATM mishap, plus interest.
Your grace is a thing of beauty, your grace.
You missed a spot.
Over there.
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
So, Carl.
You've had some time to unpack and settle in.
I wanted to give you that.
But I think it's time we have a chat about our relationship now.
You mean like a performance review? 'Cause I'm your employee? Carl.
Carl, Carl, Carl.
Lori, we can't.
- The employee manual says - I I wrote the employee manual, Carl.
Oh, okay.
Well, there's someone else.
Who, Anne? I saw you checking out that little gordita today.
The new girl? I wasn't checking her out.
I have a girlfriend.
The Navy girl with the dumb truck? Yeah, and she's at plebe summer.
We're more serious than ever.
Plus you're my boss.
And old.
No more talking, Carl.
Lori, please.
I love my girlfriend Kelly! You know how to knock, Gonzalez? Sorry.
We ran out of napkins.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
All Gucci or Prada.
All NWT.
"New with tags.
" You like that term? I just learned that.
Where'd you get all this shit from, Frank? Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies.
Can I get a Jamie neat double with a Jamie back? Me too.
I gotta piss.
I'll give you 50 bucks for the bag, Frank.
Oh, grow up, Kevin.
There's $2,500 worth of goods there.
The Blue book's over a grand.
Make it a hundy? Done.
That wasn't a very good negosh, Kev.
Watch and learn.
All right, Frank.
20, 40, 60, 80, 100.
- I thank you.
- Except you gotta pay your outstanding Alibi tab.
How much was that again, V? Infinity dollars.
So this just goes back to the house.
Well, this is some tomfuckery! You're gonna take my goods and leave me with zero? Correct.
Kermit! Tommy! You just gonna sit there and let this happen? - We hate you, Frank.
- Yeah.
Sounds like he's in labor.
Nah, he probably just really needed to pee.
Ow, fuck! The burn! All right.
I'll go check on him.
You doing okay in here, Mikey? - Yeah, yeah.
- Jeez.
I'm okay.
Here, give me your hand.
You look a little moist there, my friend.
What's wrong? What's the date? I don't know.
June? Ish? Do I look a little yellow to you, Frank? Mustard-y, now that you mention it.
I got to get to the vet.
To the vet? Beaks, Whiskers & Snouts Animal Hospital on West Ellis.
Ask for Dr.
Tell him you got a husky.
Did you take something you should've been sharing with me? Quickly, Francine.
Before I get wacky! Okay.
Okay, okay.
You're a husky.
You stay with me, Mikey.
Hey, you free at the moment? What kinda dumb fucking question is that? I think we need to have a talk.
About? About what we're gonna do.
About? Parole, Mickey.
About me getting out and you, well, not.
Do we do long distance or no distance, marriage, kids, or or, uh, retirement? - What are you talking about? - I don't fucking know! Apparently we were supposed to have a talk a while ago but just never got the memo.
What memo? Well, do you or do you not want to be in a long-distance relationship when I'm out? No.
What is this, a fucking rom-com movie? If you're out there, you're gonna be fucking other people; so will I.
No long-distance.
Can't we just, like, wait for each other? So, great, now we're in a fuckin' horror movie? Look, it would be one thing if you felt differently about leaving, but you don't.
What does that mean? It means if there was a part of you that felt maybe you owed it to me to throw your To throw your parole hearing so that you could stay in here because I threw my whole fuckin' life away getting tossed in here to be with you, then we'd at least be having a different conversation I didn't ask you to do that for me.
No, I just did it 'cause it was the right thing.
You want me to tank my parole hearing on purpose so I'm stuck in prison with you? I'm not asking you for shit, Gallagher.
You want me to choose to do it without you asking.
I want you to want to do what you want.
But if I choose it, you would be happy.
I just want to know, yes or no.
Would you be fucking happy? - Yes, fuck, yes.
- Then I'll do it.
I'll fuck up my hearing so that I can stay with you.
If that's what you want, fine.
- Yeah, fine.
- Good.
Hey, V, guess what.
I have a new black uncle.
- You do? - His name's MaVar.
He's great.
He's taking me to the Sox/Cubs game.
Wait a second.
Who is this guy? Used car salesman.
Lives down the street.
Used car salesman? That's code for shady.
He married? Got kids of his own? I think he's gay.
And he dresses real slick.
He says I can bring a friend.
Wanna come? No.
And neither should you.
Stranger danger.
V, you should go.
You were just talking about how you need to make new friends.
And I think a little gayboy car salesman sounds perfect for you.
My mom loves hers.
Found him at Toyota.
And it's the Cubs/Sox game.
What do you have to lose? Fellow welders.
Thank you all for joining me and union Jerry here in this neutral, non-work-related location.
Have you all got fries? Perfect.
I've done some Googling, and I've gotta warn you: what I'm about to say is triggering.
The plumbers get Easter off.
They get Veterans Day off, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Fourth of July, their birthdays, and get this: Columbus Day, Farhad, take a wild guess.
How many paid weeks off do you think they get at Christmas? One? Three.
Two for Christmas, one for Hanukkah/Kwanzaa.
They get sick days.
They get dental, including orthodontia.
Look at this bitch.
She has Invisalign.
Now, do we believe in change? The rights of workers matter.
Union Jerry, I would like to commence a vote.
To join the union! Who's with me? - Sorry, I - It's okay.
I can wait outside if you want.
No, whatever.
We're all adults here.
So you all done for today? Uh, yeah, because shift's over.
It was a dumb question anyway.
Shift's over.
You got anything going on for the rest of the day? More work.
Got my third job with my family.
My stupid cousin threw his back out landscaping, so it's all hands on deck for the family business.
Oh, yeah? You guys need a hand, I could come by.
You would not last an hour making tamales.
Look, I don't mean to straight-up neg you, but FYI I'm not trying to be some pirate's side-piece this summer.
I heard you say you have a girlfriend.
Yeah, so? I mean, we can still be friends.
We're vape partners, Captain Bob associates.
We should be able to hang out.
Plus I make dope tamales.
You know how to make tamales? Oh, yeah.
Big time.
Hey, sorry for the wait.
A corgi came in with a cyst.
Had to aspirate, very stressful.
So, Mikey.
How you feeling? Not good, doc.
Ah, well, of course you're not feeling well.
You need dialysis.
Were due days ago.
Dialysis? Mm.
Kidney disease.
End stage renal at this point.
That's full kidney fail, stage 5.
You have kidney disease? I only have one kidney! We have so much in common.
Here we go.
Take your own temperature, Mikey.
You know the drill.
Yeah, we do dialysis every few weeks.
It keeps him walking around.
But this dialysis is for pets, So about an eighth of the strength he needs.
About ready? Let's see what we got.
Mild fever.
All right, well, let's, uh, let's get that shirt off and hook up the port.
Up you go.
- Oh, jeez.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Jesus H.
- Lucifer.
Yeah, it's a little angry right now.
No, that is infected.
Mikey, and maybe staph, too.
Oh, god, what a stench.
Like a can of tuna in a hot car, buddy.
That needs to be replaced immediately, and that is people-doctor stuff, Mikey.
You're gonna have to go to an ER.
That gonna cost a lot of money, Doc? I have no idea.
If you were a dog, I'd recommend we put you down.
Okay, I'll go.
But could you just do me a little doggie dialysis right now, please? Do you have the 150 you owe me from last time? Aww, give the man an hour on the machine! Payment is due at time of service.
150 from last time, 150 for today, 300 total.
I can't do math, Doc.
I'm sick! Okay, you get that dialysis ready.
We'll go visit the Debbie ATM.
All right.
- Oh.
- There you go, buddy.
Let's go.
Look who's up and outta ICU! Hi.
- How's she doing? - Good.
Blood pressure's only slightly elevated.
177 over 122.
That's good.
- Hi, you.
- Hi, you.
Getting better one day at a time.
And one fart conversation at a time.
I swear to Christ, a doctor asks me every 20 minutes if I've passed gas, 'cause apparently that's how they know if my abdomen is permanently severed.
All right.
Ooh, did you bring my shampoo? Oh, no.
But I brought you something better.
You did? What? Ta-da! Thought that now that you're out of ICU, you might like to try some skin-to-skin.
What do you think, buddy? Huh? Hey, hey.
Hey, what's wrong? Sorry.
He's just so beautiful, and he's meeting me like this, with tubes in me and my hair all gross and matted.
Tami, he doesn't care.
He just wants to see his mom, you know? And it's gonna hurt to hold him.
Maybe not.
Want to say hi, Fred? Fred? I thought we were naming him Gabriel.
Well, then you shouldn't have been under general anesthesia then, should ya? - Here.
- Okay.
- You got him.
- Ow.
She's got you.
She's got you.
Ow ow.
Not there.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
- Okay, okay, all right.
- Ah.
Nurse, could she get something for the pain, please? She's on something.
Maximum something.
Tell me about you.
You know, distract me.
I'm good.
Yeah, yeah.
Things are great.
I was thinking we might need a hand with childcare, you know.
Just so I can get some overtime at work.
Why? Just 'cause he costs a lot of money.
I don't know when you're gonna be back up on your feet, doing hair again and stuff.
Uh, we yeah, we do.
It's gonna be soon.
Right, Raquelle? Hopefully, honey.
Hopefully real soon.
How's it going? Oh, you know, I'm crushing it.
They're just admiring your handiwork! Oh, yeah? Thank you.
Mucho gracias.
So these people all related to you? Three generations, yeah.
We're like a street-food conglomerate.
They all look like they really like each other.
They do.
Weird, huh? Well, I gotta get back to the mole.
But you're doing great.
Just hang in there, okay? We take a break at 8:00 p.
What time is it? 3:30.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Mucho! The colors.
The textures, Frank.
- You get the fragrances, yeah? - Okay.
I'll get the shoes and the dresses.
MaVar, over here! No.
'Sup? - You ready? - Yeah.
Let me introduce you to my friend, Veronica.
MaVar, V.
Veronica, MaVar.
Var and V! I'm V.
You're Var.
- Lots of Vs.
- Yeah.
I'm going to a sporting event with you? It's nice to meet you, V.
Look at you with your strong handshake! You know, I work out.
What's up, man? I'm Kevin.
Are you gay, yes or no? Uh Hey, Kev.
No, I'm not gay.
Though people think that because, you know, I'm an activist for the LGBTQ community.
You know, I help them with the parade, provide fancy convertibles and such.
- You guys ready to roll? - Yeah.
Uh, no, V, you can't go anymore because of that thing.
What thing? The thing that I need to discuss with you for a moment over here, away from the linebacker.
Oh, man, I'm much too big to be a linebacker.
But I did play basketball at Georgetown.
Oh! Is that right? Okay, this is not what I meant by a new friend.
I meant a girlfriend or a very gay man.
Oh, please.
I'm in love with you.
There's nobody gonna change that, baby.
Guys ready to go? Go, Sox! All right, here we go.
Pleasure meeting you, Kevin! Yeah, you too, buddy! All right, quick.
Tell me how I find a new best friend for my wife.
Yo, it's Lip.
Leave a message.
- Hey, dick! - Sorry.
I'll be quick.
One call each! Hello? Collect call from Yes, I accept the charges.
Hey, Ian.
What's up? Hey, Debs.
Do you know where Lip is? I couldn't get a hold of him, and, you know, I could really use some advice right now.
Oh, I think he's probably still at the hospital.
No way.
Is Tami in labor? She had the baby.
The whole thing's fucked up.
Tami almost died.
She's still in the hospital.
Lip's up shit's creek trying to handle the newborn alone.
It's a hot mess.
But the baby's all right? Debs? Debbie? No.
Debbie, can you hear me? - No! - Hello? No! No! No! What's with you? Lip had the baby.
Oh, yeah? Boy or girl? I don't know.
We got cut off.
Something's wrong.
Tami's still in the hospital.
Lip's all alone with the baby.
Well, congrats.
You're an uncle.
I already was.
All right, then.
Stop the tape.
Can you zoom in? Those motherfuckers.
Then they return with a dolly at 016:00 hours.
Sorry I missed it.
I nap from one to three, usually.
Can I borrow your gun? No.
Taser? - Twenty bucks? - Forty.
Be right back, okay? Be right back.
Hey, excuse me.
Can you hold that? Thank you.
Hey, it's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
Here, give him to me.
I'll hold him so you can smoke.
Oh, really? The struggle is real.
I haven't finished a cigarette since 2015.
Go on, I got him.
You a child abductor? I'm Sarah.
I have three kids under five.
If I wanted to run, I'm too tired.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, take this.
You got him? I'm gonna be right over here, okay? What brings you to church? AA? OA? NA? Al Anon? Nar Anon? Actual Catholicism? AA.
You? NMAA.
New Mom AA.
We're self-titled.
Basically a bunch of new moms in sweatpants trying not to lose our shit and blow our brains out, all while lactating on each other.
Sounds like a real rager.
It is.
He likes you.
It's my eau de breast milk.
Shoulda worn it in high school.
Been prom queen.
Thank you again.
That's the nicest thing anyone's done for me in a long time.
You're welcome.
I gotcha.
We meet at the end of the hall, last door on the left, if you ever wanna come by.
See, I'm not a mom.
You sure? Frank Gallagher! Show yourself! I want my stuff back! Come out, Frank! I'm gonna find you! This shit is about to get biblical! You're not gonna believe this.
We actually made a profit selling Debbie's stuff today.
After we pay that vet, we got 50 bucks left.
Let's have a party.
A quinceañera.
I'm 15, in a dress.
Hit the piñata.
You know, that's not a bad idea: Maximize our profits.
We take the fifty bucks, we buy a keg, charge 10 bucks at the door.
We do it at my house so it doesn't cost us anything.
- Ca-ching.
- Yeah.
- Hello.
- Hey, Doc.
It's all there.
Count it.
Dialysis time.
Hey, surprise, surprise.
All righty.
Now, uh, I can't stick the dialysis into a port that is that infected.
So I'm gonna have to douse ya with disinfectant first.
Okay? Yeah.
This'll do it.
Cleans the kennels.
- Rubbing alcohol? - Yeah.
You're gonna want to hold him down.
'Cause this is gonna hurt.
Get the shirt off.
Here we go.
- Christ on a cracker.
- Jesus.
Getting notes of buttered popcorn this time.
Here you go, buddy.
I gotcha.
I gotcha.
I gotcha.
There you go.
All right.
Get him something to bite on too.
Okay, here we go.
On three.
Ready? One, two Think of the party.
Be brave.
Three! Here, you earned it.
Thank you.
So you guys do this every night? You ever get any sleep? Yeah, that's why they call it a family business.
So labor laws don't apply.
What's your family's business? Uh, you know, drugs? Abuse? Sometimes we show up for each other's court dates.
I gotta say, I lied before.
I don't really know how to make tamales.
No shit.
Really? I just wanted to spend time with you in a place that smells like corn.
'Cause you like me? Uh, si? What about your girlfriend? And you have this whole thing with Lori too? Lori? No, I don't I don't have a thing with Lori.
And the Kelly thing is, you know, I don't know.
She's gonna be at Annapolis for years.
She wants to be an admiral or some shit.
I don't know.
It's it's complicated.
What'd he say? Uh, break's over.
- Back to work.
- Wait, that was break? I thought we were done.
We're just getting started.
Hey, it's Milkovich's boy.
What's up, Milkovich's boy? How your daddy? Fucking miss that guy.
He still alive? Yeah, unfortunately.
Oh, he's a jokester! Funny guy.
Should we cut this bitch, Nana? Nah.
I liked his pop.
He had manners.
I got manners too, Nana.
I brought smokes.
Three packs.
I'm listening.
I guess I need some advice.
It's about my partner, Ian.
Business or pleasure? Pleasure.
Found out he's up for parole next week, and I But you had the talk, right? We kinda didn't until earlier today Didn't have the talk.
Fuckin' amateur hour.
But he says he's gonna throw his parole so he can stay in here with me, which I want him to do.
I mean, I fucking got myself put in here just to be with him.
So I mean, I'm right, right? But now your conscience is saying, no, dog, you're a dick, right? See, the thing is, little Milky You can't make someone love you.
You can't let someone throw their parole for you neither, son.
It's like my tattoo says: Let her go.
No good's gonna come from both of you being here together.
If you make him do this for you, he's gonna wind up resenting you and hating you.
You gotta set him free.
What do you boys think? I think number 7, number 14, and number 31.
And, uh, maybe 42, too.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, ladies.
You are the bold and brave who responded on Tinder.
I'm Kevin, your host, if you will.
Let's begin.
Now, if I don't call your number, please go home.
Number 7.
Number 14.
Number 31.
Number 42 Number 2, number 11, number 26, number 37, number 85, number 5, number 17, number 62.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, so does anyone know what this is? I thought this was a booty call.
Now I'm thinking maybe undercover reality show? All right, ladies.
Congratulations on making the first round.
Now you guys are probably wondering what you're doing here.
To hook up with you, was what we thought.
I'm flattered.
Thank you.
But no.
What you could win is way better than that: a friendship with a really great lady.
Now, the first round is simple.
Tell me about your hobbies, your dreams.
Tell me about your education history, any little tidbits about work life, marital status.
Ooh, I also am curious who you root for: The Cubs or the Sox.
Are those baseball teams? Get out.
Now, my assistants are passing out paper and pencils.
Excuse me, friends and friends of friends! Hear ye, hear ye! The fuck am I? Party at the Gallaghers' house, starting right now.
A keg has been procured, and for 10 bucks at the door, I invite you to celebrate my coronation as king.
All are invited! And unlike this piece of shit country, my border turns away no one! Free mushrooms, blow, and chicken wings.
- Yeah! - Let's go! Come on! Just down the street.
All right, ladies, and Begin.
Yo, you sure about this, Gallagher? Said I was gonna do it.
Gonna fucking do it.
Who's the target? Him.
The fat one? Man, they're all gonna scream for the guards, which means you're gonna get caught for sure.
Yeah, okay.
How's my form? Solid.
Go get him, tiger.
Come here.
Shut the fuck up.
- What the fuck? - Shut the fuck up! Fuck.
What do you think you're doing? You're gonna fucking shiv somebody? What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Not that.
You're not throwing your fuckin' parole for me.
We need to get you the hell outta this shit-hole.
I want to be with you! You don't get to be.
I want to be where you are, Mickey.
You don't belong in here, Gallagher.
Go get a job.
Be an uncle to Lip's kid.
I'll get out soon.
I shouldn't have asked you to stay.
I love you.
I know.
I love you, too.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
My father stole my shit.
It's just been a horrible day.
Hello? Hello? The mighty, mighty union! Show us the money! We want respect! We are the union! The mighty, mighty union! Show us the money! Debbie! O, captain, our captain! Guys! Debbie's here! Yes, yes! We're sticking it to the man! We're on strike! But we just joined the union.
I know! Isn't it inspiring? We are the union! The mighty, mighty union! Debbie! This is the day that welders are gonna be talking about for generations to come.
You gotta be so proud.
Cut the shit, Jerry.
- How long's a strike? - Well, it depends.
How long was the last one? How long was the last strike, Jerry? Seven months, 16 days.
We want respect! How do I apply to be a scab? That's good.
Hey! You made it! I'm so pleased.
Howl with me.
I don't know why I like doing that.
Southside rocks! Are you having fun, everybody? Say "Southside, Southside!" Whoa! Hey! Holy crap.
Have fun, everybody! Mikey? You little Spanish bull, you, I got I got news.
Mikey, you in here? Holy shit.
I'll be back, okay? Don't leave.
Mikey, are you That's really beautiful.
Mikey, we did it! Port money! We got money! We can go to the ER for your disgusting, infected port thing.
Right now, dance with me.
No, we should get you to the ER, right? Tomorrow, Frank.
Today, dance with me.
Hold me.
Tell me I'm okay.
You're okay.
Everything everything is gonna be okay.
Excuse me, excuse me.
A fuckin' house party, Frank? What grade are you in? Grade A! Frank's the best grade.
Jesus Christ.
And finally, number 14.
Tell us, what do you think makes you a good friend? Like - I'm a really good listener.
- Mm.
I could listen to you for hours, Kevin.
Thank you, number 14.
You may be seated.
And that concludes our interview portion.
It's tough to stay at this time, but right now, I think, uh, number 14 might be in the lead.
Are you serious? Now, our next test is simple.
I ask, you answer Just simple word association.
Can we get another round of shots? Yes.
Gretzky or Orr? Gretzky.
Hoops or soccer? - Hoops.
- Excellent.
Polo shirt or tank top with gold chains? - Polo shirt.
- Tank Who said polo shirt? You're gone, 7.
Auf wiedersehen.
Fries and a Frosty at Wendy's or off the menu MexiMelt at Taco Bell? - MexiMelt.
- MexiMelt.
Oh, hey, V.
There she is, everyone! - Say hi, V.
- Hi, V.
Hi, ladies Who are they? Oh, they're his Tinder dates.
But he's doing it out of love for you.
His what? Thanks for coming to the game with me, little man.
Thanks for taking me, MaVar.
Uh You know, you sure we shouldn't take you back to the bar we dropped Veronica off at? This is my home.
Gotta face my fate.
All right.
Let's do it again, okay? Definitely.
- Have a good night.
- All right.
I'm gonna cut you, motherfucker! Fight, fight, fight! - Fight, fight, fight - Sorry.
Look, I can't leave you here.
You know how to play Nintendo Wii? - Yeah.
- All right, let's go.
Maybe grill some steaks, watch Do the Right Thing.
- You know who Spike Lee is? - Yep.
All right, of course you do.
Sorry about him.
Get home safely.
Thanks for playing.
Sorry about him.
Have a good night.
Go with God.
Thanks for playing.
- Sorry.
- You can keep that.
You know, there's an app for making platonic friends, dick.
- FriendFinder.
- Good to know.
Thanks for playing.
That everyone? I'll get her some coffee.
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
Thanks for letting me crash tonight, seriously.
Hey Are you sure you don't want to stay at the house? - Crash on the couch? - Nah.
The whole block's loud as shit and I don't want to put you guys out.
It's all good.
This is this is good.
All right, man.
Seat yourself.
Take any booth you like.
Frank usually sleeps in that one.
Got my shit? You got mine? FaceTime your brother.
See the baby.
You got five minutes, starting now.
Rise and shine.
Did I win? There's nothing to win.
There never was.
My husband's a bit disturbed.
I got you some coffee though.
Oh, my God, thank you.
Hope you didn't ruin your whole night.
It was fun.
Free drinks and my kid's with my ex all weekend Girl's gotta put on lashes and lipstick every one in a while.
Yeah, gotta remember you're not dead, even though you basically are as a mom.
Got twin girls.
How old's your kid? Six.
Like the jewelry store.
"He went to Jared.
" Too bad no one's ever going to Jared for me.
I had to buy this for myself.
A little self-care.
I put jewels and decals and shit on my nails.
My little treat.
It's hard to get out when you're our age.
So hard.
Hard to meet people.
It's hard to put yourself out there.
I'm Mimi.
Well, Mei Ling, but Mimi.
Veronica, but V.
Do you wanna get a nightcap, V? Maybe somewhere that people aren't staring? Yeah.
Bye, best friends.
Have fun.
- Hello? - Ian? How the hell are you on FaceTime? Can I see the baby? Yeah, yeah, no, he's, uh, he's right here.
Hey, buddy, whoa.
Eight pounds, eight ounces.
This is Fred.
Fred, hey, hey! I'm your Uncle Ian.
Lip, you have a son.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, fuck.
Hey, buddy.
Fred Gallagher, huh? It's nice to meet you, Freddie.

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