Shameless US s10e06 Episode Script

Adios Gringos

1 What the hell? Again? You can't remember what happened last week; now you want us to remind you? Lay off the vape, all right? Shit'll fuck you up.
Is Derek here? - Derek is dead.
- [Carl.]
The death benefit.
When someone dies in the military, the family gets, like, 100,000 bucks.
I'm willing to give you 1/3 of the benefit.
In return, I want full custody of Franny.
Oh, hell.
I gotta miss my meeting with Dr.
George is coming to my place this weekend for a cookout.
A ton of black doctors will be there.
It'll be good for business.
Hey, you want to hang out during my lunch break? I gotta meet my parole officer.
Kibble, JoJo, got a new friend for ya! What's the deal with Paula? The deal is, you're fucked.
I'm Sarah.
- What brings you to church? - AA.
- You? - NMAA.
Basically a bunch of new moms in sweat pants trying not to lose our shit.
Coach molested Kenny? [Mas.]
A lawyer's putting together a class-action suit against the city, says we could each get 10 grand.
You sure you weren't molested? I'd remember if he touched me.
I didn't sign on to raise your children, Frank.
Well, the joke's on you.
They're my son Carl's.
I'll give you 30 and 15.
40 and 5.
Got my third job with my family business.
You know when I said you could stay here? I didn't mean your entire family.
We thought you meant the plural you, "ustedes.
" That's why Spanish is better.
It's more specific.
[rock music.]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? This marks the ninth bus arriving here in Chicago carrying undocumented workers from Texas.
Many observers view this as a purely political move designed to punish liberal sanctuary cities like Chicago.
When reached for comment, Texas governor Tamales calientes! Tamales aquí! Where's Franny? I can't wait to see her.
Derek loved her so much.
Cut the bullshit, Pepa.
Derek didn't give two shits about Franny, - and neither do you.
- What? I can't wait to see how she's grown up.
I mean, with a genius like you for a mother, I'm sure she'll be able to read by the time she's 15.
I know what you're doing.
What am I doing? You think I'd rather lose my fair share of Derek's death benefit than let you have Franny.
Joke's on you, bitch.
Franny will be there tomorrow on time as scheduled.
And, as per our agreement, I want my check posthaste.
And I'll want Franny to call me "Mom.
" Hey.
Where you think you're going? Just taking the infirmary biowaste trash to the truck, like always.
Not today.
Budget crunch.
Biowaste truck service and a whole bunch of other shit cancelled immediately.
So what you want me to do with all this medical waste then? This shit deadly, boss.
Even the AIDS in this thing got AIDS.
Just dump it in the incinerator.
Call it a day.
- Incinerator? - [guard.]
Burn all that shit up.
I'll escort you over there.
- [loud banging.]
- [Mickey.]
Hey, there! Get me the fuck outta here! Hey Found it.
I don't keep money in there anymore, Frank, not after last time.
You kids got any formal wear with soul? All of this stuff looks like the garb of a colonizer, and I got a follow-up with the Okafurs.
A little cultural awareness on my side of the table can't hurt.
Are you busy today? I'm gonna help Todd edit his highlight reel So no.
I hereby appoint you the Gallagher special diplomatic envoy to Nigeria.
Your first duty: help me sell a baby.
Hey, you think maybe we went a little overboard? I mean, well, it is summer.
Well, I guess I could take off the parka.
- [Lip.]
- [Tami.]
All right.
What? What? No, I'm I'm happy we're doing this together.
Me too.
All right.
There they are.
They're gonna hate me.
What? Why did I agree to this again? Hey, look, you'll be fine.
All right? I'll make the intro, then I'll take off.
You can connect mom-to-mom.
You know, just share your mom stuff.
Hey, everybody! - [woman.]
Oh, hey! - [woman.]
Hey, what's going on? - [Lip.]
How you doing, Sarah? - [Sarah.]
- [Lip.]
Hey, what's up? - Hey! [Lip.]
Hi, hi, hi, hey.
Hey, guys.
Hey, everybody, uh, this is Tami.
This is Tami.
She is my, um She's Fred's mom.
So good to see you, Tami.
All right, so, uh You know, I'm gonna get going.
Yeah! Get outta here, will ya? - She's in good hands.
- [Lip.]
Okay, all right.
I'll see you later.
Have fun.
All right? Have fun.
You mad at me or something? No.
Mad at myself for crushing on you.
You have a crush on me? Calmate, past tense.
Why? Um, Kelly? Yeah, but having Kelly around just made me realize how much I like you.
We're keeping it strictly business from now on.
And we gotta get out of your house.
You were only being nice to us so you could get in my pants.
- Where will you go? - I don't know.
Our block is still crawling with ICE dudes.
Sent a couple tios over there to check it out, and they got picked up.
Might have to live on the streets for a little bit.
Like, be homeless? Anne, come on.
We'll be fine.
[indistinct chatter.]
- What's going on? - He says we can't sell here no more.
Okay? [Western music.]
Hey! Hey.
Hey! Stop! Stop it! Stop! Let me go! [Carl.]
Come on, tactical retreat.
Live to fight another day.
[smashing, items clattering.]
V, I think I hit the pedophile motherlode.
It's basically a how-to list, step-by-step instructions.
You taking on a new hobby I should know about? What? No, no, no.
This is for Coach Dickey's kid-diddling lawsuit.
I got a meeting with the lawyer, and if I can convince her to have me join the case, boom! We'll be cashing fat settlement checks like the rest of the team.
Fake it till you make it, baby.
First he gained my confidence.
Then he touched my knee.
And finally, he tickled my dick.
I don't know if I should say "dick" or "penis.
" I don't know.
Pears and cranberries? What are you making? Potato salad.
- You sure? - Yes.
This is for the sophisticated palates of Chicago's most esteemed doctors, not some hillbilly who thinks that Vienna sausages and saltines is an acceptable dinner for children.
I put Arby's sauce on it.
The girls loved it.
Will you get out of my kitchen? I need to focus.
I don't wanna fuck up these conversions.
Goop recipes are all in grams and milliliters and shit.
I'm a good girl.
Yeah, I know.
'Cause your mama's done a very good job teaching you right from wrong.
But tomorrow, I need you to be a very bad girl when we go to that mean ol' witch Pepa's house, okay? You could get a big knifey and you could poke the puppy with it till it goes "ouchie" and bleeds, or you could take a big old poopy on her bed, hmm? I'm a good girl.
Come on, Franny, you gotta work with me.
I'm a good girl.
Know anywhere I could get a redheaded toddler for rent? Well, if you attended the local ginger club meetings like I asked you to, you'd know a dozen redheaded toddlers by now.
I'm serious, Ian.
I negotiated Pepa down to partial custody in exchange for some of Derek's death benefit, but I can't stomach the thought of that bitch having one second alone with Franny.
So you wanna pass off a fake Franny? Preferably one horrible enough that she'll drop the custody fight altogether.
But apparently I've raised a great kid.
She'll totally wanna keep her.
Yeah, never gonna happen.
Pepa'll know it's not her.
People are super racist against redheads.
They think we all look alike.
Frank calls me "Ian," like, twice a week.
Uh, well, you can try the Girls & Boys Club or a group home.
Those kids are pretty screwed up.
Anyway, I gotta get to work.
Since when do you have a job? Well, it's less of a job than a Medicare scam I'm being forced into by my corrupt parole officer.
Gay Jesus to insurance fraud? Yeah.
Prison really reformed me.
See you guys.
Inmate Milkovich.
Gotta hand it to you.
One hell of an escape plan.
Hey, imagine if you could actually manage a budget, huh? I'd be home right now knocking back a cold one.
The sheer fortitude to climb into medical biowaste.
You know, we've had cases of the plague in here, actual medieval Black Death, and nine strains of flesh-eating bacteria in the C block showers too.
What can I say? Desperate times.
What kind of dumbass would go to those lengths to escape when they're already free? Yeah, that's right, free.
Your cooperation with the prosecution in the El Chapo case, that got your name jumped right to the top of the release list.
Guess that, uh, makes us all done here, huh? Heard through the grapevine that the Calderón cartel's excited to welcome you back to the world.
As you see, we are well prepared to welcome a baby into our home.
This is your home? Gotta say, I was expecting something a little more rustic.
We live in Minneapolis, Mr.
God has provided us with everything except for the blessing of a child.
When can we see the baby again? Well, there's still the issue of the outstanding application fee.
Thank you.
Well, I'm very excited to continue the adoption process.
Unfortunately, it might take a little bit longer.
There are other applicants, so due diligence on my part is a must.
In order to expedite things, it'd be very helpful to have a room on site.
We can get you a room.
A suite would be best.
And let's leave the tab open, in case the baby wants some room service.
The appetite on this kid, I gotta tell ya.
There's no way we're getting run off our own block by Chicano Woody from Toy Story.
You shoulda let me kick their asses.
Look, the enemy may have won the battle, but tactical precision will guarantee us ultimate victory.
[speaking Spanish.]
What are you talking about? I'm talking about war, people, and war is hell.
But lucky for all of you, I almost passed my battle strategy class at military school.
Let's see.
I suggest a counterattack.
What, there were, like, three or four of those guys? Last I checked, there were a million of you.
Let's use that to our advantage and strike back.
We are cooks, not fighters.
Trust me, overwhelming force.
Ever heard of shock and awe? Operation Iraqi Freedom? Worked out pretty great for America, don't you think? Won the war and got to kick it in Iraq for 20 years.
Look, you don't wanna get run off your own block.
Well, this is how you get it back.
All right, I want everybody to go grab something sharp or heavy.
Let's roll! - [Val.]
Ball? - Yeah.
Have a seat.
She'll be with you shortly.
Um Will there be a physical? This is a lawyer's office.
No, right, of course.
I just meant for the case, if she needs to see my I'll show myself to a seat.
Kevin Ball, backup center, '94.
Coach tickled my dick.
Hey, how'd it go? Fine.
That's it, "fine"? Hi.
[Fred cries.]
That accurately describes how it went: fine.
What's up? Is something wrong? [Tami.]
Uh, what, you mean besides the fact that you dragged me to the park to show off all the groupies you've been hooking up with? I'm I'm not hooking up with anyone.
Really? What about Sarah? - No.
- [laughs.]
Come on, Lip.
I saw the arm squeeze.
- Arm squeeze? - Yeah.
[overlapping chatter.]
The arm squeeze, a move reserved for someone you've fucked or someone you want to fuck.
Right, well, Sarah and I are just friends.
What's her deal? What, she's got a boyfriend, married, single? Um, she's divorced, I think.
Divorced? - Yeah.
- [laughs.]
Oh, yeah, no, she doesn't want you at all.
She gets it.
Yeah? She doesn't even understand what I'm saying, but she gets it.
Because women know.
- [Fred crying.]
- Like, we all know.
Look, Lip, you don't have to lie to protect me.
Okay, you don't have to protect me at all.
You know, we can co-parent and still do our own thing.
- Sure, sure.
- I'm not the jealous type.
But you know what will piss me off is being lied to like I'm dumb, because I'm not.
- No, no.
- It's just, um When he's upset like this, he doesn't really wanna be bounced.
It's more like you You want to put his head on your shoulder and then you kind of want to rock him - Really? - Yeah.
- Parenting tips? - Well - Really? Okay.
- Hey, buddy.
- Why don't you go to Daddy? - Hey.
Yeah, 'cause Daddy knows how to do everything.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hi, there.
I'm at the website for your group home, and I see diversity statistics for several different minority groups, but there's no category for redheads.
Seems like an oversight.
Actually, redheads are a minority, and it's statements like yours that are a reason that hair-ism is a na Hello? Hello? [Western music.]
I need off the bus.
Open the door and don't stop.
Open the goddamn door! [door squeaks.]
[rock music.]
So let me be clear Whoo! You ain't seen nothing Whoo! Whoo! [tires squeal.]
Whoo! Holy moly! That spill you took back there! Are you okay, Mr.
Milkovich? [Mickey.]
Who the hell are you? Sorry.
I'm Larry, Larry Seaver, and I have the honor of being your parole officer.
You're my parole The fuck you chasing my bus for? Oh, I wasn't chasing you.
I was gonna meet you at the next stop, offer you a ride.
A ride? Look.
We're in this thing together, okay? Excuse me.
Can I answer any questions? Oh, no, I'm just window-shopping, thanks.
Actually, can I ask about your return policy? If a foster parent wants to end an arrangement, we will accept the child back with open arms.
Can I ask about, uh, this little one? That's Bella.
Over there.
She have any major behavioral issues or anything keeping her from being adopted? No, actually, she's very sweet.
But her sister Stella on the other hand We have a policy of not splitting up siblings, so if you're interested in Bella, you have to take Stella too.
Hi! Hi, Bella.
How would you like to come and play with my daughter, Franny, and I tomorrow? We're really nice.
You a pervert or just a garden-variety retard? Girls usually aren't pedos, but I've seen weirder things in foster care.
Excuse me, little girl.
I'm neither a pedo nor dumb.
You sure about the dumb part? See, you can't honestly think you'll be able to walk out of here with my little sister by tomorrow.
And why not? Because there's a process, idiot: paperwork, background checks.
I can get Bella off-site, deliver her anywhere in the city.
Fee is five LOL Dolls, one pound of gummy bears, and a jug of birthday cake flavored vape juice.
I'm not paying you off.
Suit yourself.
Price goes up in an hour.
[hip-hop music.]
And you've seen what I've seen You know what I mean Know what I mean, know what I mean? Look around when you're all in your own light Nobody, no thing you can hold tight Sunny days turn to cold nights Sunny days turn to cold nights Veronica.
Girl, I'm glad you could make it.
Girl, you couldn't pay me to miss this.
Look at all these beautiful, highly-educated, wealthy black people.
All doctors? I love it.
For real, I could cry, I'm so proud right now.
Oh, spare me the bullshit.
Girl, I like you 'cause you keep it real.
You're here to sell, and I'm here to help you.
So let's introduce you to some folks and see if we can't get these Gluvandia scripts to pop off.
Okay, you're gonna wanna start off with Dr.
She's an easy mark.
Mm, now, Dr.
Washington's a bit trickier so wait till he's drunk.
Trust me, he gets white boy wasted.
At that point, he'll prescribe bacon to a pig.
Well, I better get that man a drink then.
- Uh, and yes.
- Thank you very much.
If your insurance company asks, you died three times, saw the light, said "Fuck you, Grandma.
I got more livin' to do.
" And when you woke up, we'd used every medical supply in here to keep your ass alive.
Got it? - [pills rattle.]
- [Ian.]
What's your flavor? Percs, please.
Three down.
One more and that's lunch.
How about sushi? I never got that.
Sushi in Chicago in the summertime? We're nowhere near the ocean.
Yeah, we are, Lake Michigan.
You know what? I'm gonna take a turn driving.
Is it the baby? [man.]
Pregnant lady, she needs help.
[speaking indistinctly.]
Hey, everything all right? [Jolene.]
Whoa! What are you doing, man? Someone needs help.
Who cares? That's not our job.
We just run the play.
That's it.
No, Paula's not gonna like it.
Get back in the bus.
Come on.
How long's she been like this? [man.]
We just found her like this.
Do you know if she's having contractions? - [man.]
I don't know.
- [Ian.]
You don't know? Grab a gurney.
Help me load her up.
Now! Okay, but you're gonna take the heat from Paula on this one alone.
I can't imagine how you must feel, living with this trauma for all these years.
Yes, it's been quite difficult.
Well, I'm eager to get you the compensation you deserve.
I don't wanna get your hopes up because it's just a coach.
Now, if we were talking about a priest in the church or a bishop or the Holy Grail, a cardinal [chuckles.]
Forget about it.
Six figures, guaranteed.
As it stands, we should be able to get you just north of rapey uncle money.
It's not much but hopefully enough to ease the pain a little.
So whenever you're ready, why don't you tell me about your time with Coach Lou Dickey? Well, it wasn't that great, I can tell you that much.
I came off the bench, and I had starter-level talent, for sure.
And when I would play the game, I played center, but I always saw myself - more of a stretch four - Sorry.
Uh, maybe I wasn't clear.
I meant can you tell me about the abuse you endured? Right.
Yeah, of course.
The no-no touch.
First, he gained my trust.
He filled my familial needs.
He gauged the level of threat.
And then he Uh He, um [sobs.]
I'm sorry.
It's just that I just [sobs.]
Excuse me.
And then he finally tickled my Vigorously molested my genitals.
I mean, he got all the way up in there.
You know what I mean? [sighs.]
That's a start.
But for this to work and for you to be added to the case, we need details, concrete facts, dates, times, specific acts of molestation in your own words.
But I had to have an emergency C-section to give birth to his son.
And while I'm in the hospital, fighting for my life, he's out there being a playa.
Fuck that.
Oh, my God, and the arm squeeze! This? Hmm? That means "I'm open for business" in any language, right? [sighs.]
He's just he's so arrogant, acting like he doesn't even notice it, like I'm just some dumb bitch in his new-mom harem that he can string along 'cause I'm gonna believe every word that comes out of his pouty little mouth.
You think I should go out, don't you, find a guy, hook up? Yeah.
How can you just sell someone? What exactly do you think you're doing with your basketball buddy Todd? College recruiters are gonna put literal bids on him.
He turns pro, who's he work for? Owners.
Bought and sold, my friend.
Bought and sold.
But this is a baby.
There's no room for sentiment in business.
Remember that.
When you negotiate with feelings, you lose.
And how about we stop talking about this as a sale? That debases it.
It's more about opportunity.
Opportunity? Opportunities this kid would never have in the Gallagher household on the South Side of Chicago.
I wish I could have offered this kind of opportunity to all my children.
If I could have, I would have sold you.
That's problematic.
I resent the implication.
I'll have you know I tried to sell Debbie too but nobody wanted a baby with colic.
Then how come it takes this long? Why can't we just sell it and get something to eat? It's a marathon, Liam, not a sprint.
In an "adoption" or an "opportunity" or a "straight-up baby sale," whatever you call it, it's still about the bottom line.
That's them.
Look alive.
They seem kinda old.
A loving parent's heart knows no age, and Google says they're loaded.
They make the heads for Barbie dolls.
So what's the plan? Get 'em to bid against the Africans, sell high.
But this price, though.
Covered by Medicaid.
A lot of my patients are working-class people, nonunion manual labor, service industry, too rich for Medicaid but too poor for good insurance.
They'd have to eat a lot of this cost out of pocket.
What about them? Does Gluvandia have plans for financial aid for patients in that demo? No, not yet, not that I'm aware of.
Excuse me.
[hip-hop music playing on stereo.]
That looks like what I saw up one of my patient's ass the last time I performed a colonoscopy plus cranberries.
Whoever brought this potato salad definitely owns a MAGA hat.
Whoever brought this already called the cops on this cookout.
Whoever brought this claps on the one and the three.
Whoever brought this doesn't use a washcloth.
Whoever brought this doesn't even own a washcloth.
[both laugh.]
[upbeat rock music.]
[man grunting.]
[cheers and applause.]
Hey, hold up.
Why's this guy alone? There should be more.
What'd he say? He just said we're fucked.
[ominous Western music.]
They burned our corn husks.
They poured bleach on our pork.
I'm sorry, Anne.
This one's on me.
Tactical error.
[man shouting distantly.]
Tamales! Compra tu tamales aquí! Tamales caliente! [indistinct chatter.]
Tamales! Compra tu tamales aquí! Tamales caliente! Compra tu tamales aquí! - [loud crash.]
- [Ian screams.]
God damn it.
Ah, fuck.
- [panting.]
- What are you doing here? Long story.
Ends in compassionate release.
Why'd you climb through the window? Bunch of fucking Mexicans out front.
What's that about anyway? It's a long story.
Ends in all-you-can-eat tamales.
Come here.
How the hell am I supposed to know if I want to foster her if I've never spent alone time with her? You're not.
But if you want an off-site visit, we need to I said I would take the sister too.
Allow me to explain.
In order to prevent impulsive decisions from first-time foster parents, the state has instituted a set of rules and regulations to govern adoptions.
I cannot just let you take her.
[upbeat music playing on stereo.]
[upbeat dance music playing on stereo.]
Hey, girl, what you doing over here by yourself? [laughs.]
Now, you better get out there! Mm-mm.
Come on.
Do you wanna get down? What you gonna do? You wanna get down? What you gonna do? You wanna get down? Ooh! - Get down on it - Oh! Get down on it Get down on it Get down on it Come on and get down on Where are the gummy bears? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not actually an idiot.
Candy when you do good on your promise.
Fair enough.
What'll it cost me to have Bella on her worst behavior? The closer to criminal, the better.
Throw in a pair of those shoes with light-up heels, and she'll do anything short of murder.
Hi! We seem to have spilled some food on the sheets.
Could you guys change them? Twenty minutes? Perfect.
Huh? Check it out.
I could do that.
Oh, big talk.
- Ready? - Yeah.
[upbeat pop music.]
'Cause I'm feeling it One.
- Oh, you're no good.
- Yeah, I'm feeling it - Want it? - No! You know, I'm feeling it - [indistinct chatter.]
- Hey, baby.
Want something to eat? [laughs.]
Don't do it Whoo! Don't [Frank groans.]
I'm glad I didn't sell you.
- [baby coos.]
- You're funny.
- Thanks.
- They think I'm lucky But it's just that I'm the bomb [water rushing.]
Tami? [Tami.]
What? You still pissed? No.
All right, well, you want to talk, you know, press the reset button or whatever? - I can't right now.
- [Fred cries.]
No? Why not? I'm going out to grab a drink with Dakota and some friends.
You're gonna wear that to go meet Dakota? Oh, I'm sure there'll be some guys there too.
Wha what fuckin' guys? You're asking a lot of questions for someone who's just a co-parent.
Uh, hey, you're cool to watch Fred, right? I mean, you're just You're so good at it.
Hey, maybe you can have a playdate with Sarah or something.
Yeah? [club music.]
Half the stores are out of corn husks.
The other half won't sell to us.
Those assholes completely cornered the market.
Might as well take the money we got left and go back to Guadalajara.
What's the plan this time? I don't have one.
I don't have it all figured out.
You guys do.
[speaking Spanish.]
You're in a place where everybody hates you.
You're stuck behind enemy lines.
[speaking Spanish.]
You built a business.
You stuck together.
When I look at you guys, I think that if my family had half the determination and work ethic of the Gonzalezes, maybe my dad wouldn't just abuse opiates.
Maybe my dad would have invented opiates.
What I'm trying to say is: whatever you've done to get you this far, dig deep and do it one last time.
Why we need meat for, huh? Three things young, educated white Americans love: to date women with bodies like little boys, to denounce God, and to eat meals with no meat.
You seen many young, educated white Americans on the South Side of Chicago? Where's the closest bougie organic health food store? You'd think the biggest pop star in the world could sniff any butthole that he wanted.
Like, he'd just call his manager and say, "Send up a wide variety of buttholes.
I'm in the mood for some sniffing.
" But he just wanted to sniff mine.
Jesus Christ, Kev.
Enough of this shit.
Put the Sox game on.
Used to love the guy's music back in the '80s.
Who woulda known he was into kids? Everyone.
Literally everyone knew.
Would you excuse me, Tommy? I'm trying to listen.
On that world tour back in '91, he spent half his time onstage and half his time with his nose between my cheeks, my butt cheeks.
[Latin music playing in kitchen.]
[indistinct chatter.]
[Fred fussing.]
[pounding at door.]
- Shh.
- [quiet commotion.]
[bottles clink.]
Need to talk to Ian Gallagher.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Gallagher! Who's asking? Hey! Who's asking? Smith & Wesson.
Ah, shit.
This is a Glock, isn't it? Ugh! That woulda been so badass.
You get the point, though, right? Gallagher! Paula, hey.
Mickey Milkovich.
You're out? Parole? What's it to you? - Who's your P.
? - Larry.
Seaver? [chuckles.]
That anthropomorphic slice of soggy Wonder Bread doesn't know what to do with a workhorse like you.
You Milkoviches are legendary, real earners.
Heard about your Mother Teresa stunt today.
Let's go for a ride.
No, hold up.
Wait a minute.
[Fred cries.]
A pregnant lady? Jesus, you're soft.
Hey, it's all right.
- It's all right, buddy.
- [Fred continues crying.]
Hey, hey, hey.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, look.
Just send me to prison if you want.
I'm never just gonna walk away from someone dying in the street.
No, no, no.
No, I got zero intentions of sending you back to prison.
I'm nowhere near being done with you.
[dog barking.]
- Come on, let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, hey.
Easy, Biscuit.
Dinner's coming, girl! The hell is that? Mama, I forgot the Electric Slide.
Wait, is that Afro Amirah.
Badass businesswoman by day, fashion model by night who didn't take none of the white man's shit.
Ah, you didn't go anywhere without it.
Aww, why are you showing me all this? If you lost touch, that came after you left my house.
My house is black.
Dom, baby, tell your sister-auntie what you watching.
Alex Haley's Roots.
You used to be that way.
Last I checked I was like a walking black history encyclopedia.
I even mentored Liam on all things black, so Well, who was mentoring you? Yeah, who was your community? I just forgot the Electric Slide.
It's not that deep.
Oh, no, it's not? So then what is that potato salad about, huh? [laughs.]
You know, you been running towards white people for so long, I'm surprised you even found your way home.
Now, white friends, white neighbors, own a white bar, got a white boyfriend.
After I had sex with Kevin, I watched Ellen the entire next week.
Ellen! Come on, now explain that shit.
No, baby, you didn't forget the Electric Slide.
You let that white boy fuck it right out of you.
I'm just saying.
- [dog barking.]
- [Ian.]
- [dog barking.]
- [Ian.]
Jesus Christ.
Tell me, you gonna follow protocol? Need to hear you say it.
- Just say it for mama.
- Fuck.
What's that? I can't hear you.
Shit! Oh, you want me to set Biscuit loose? - Okay.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, I'll do whatever you say.
Just get it away from me.
Biscuit, sit! Good girl.
You seen Ian? Not since he left with his P.
What's with the line? Your baby mama's been in there for, like, 40 minutes.
Tami? [Tami.]
Where were you? Just taking Fred for a walk.
Is everything okay in there? [indistinct chatter, applause.]
Fuck off! Hey, something happen at the bar? It's not about the bar.
Look, I'm trying to keep up with the list of things that piss you off, but it's getting pretty hard.
Would you care to clue me in? You know, we can stop playing 20 fucking questions? [indistinct speech.]
God! It's this fucking place! It's it's always crawling with relatives or convicts that Ian brought home or large Latino families that Carl brought home or, like, whatever Frank brought home.
And I You know, I can't breathe here, and I need space! Fred needs space! All right.
[somber music.]
Hey, there.
You're an early riser.
Oh, don't you look at me with those big eyes.
I know what you're trying to do.
And trust me, it won't work.
It's not gonna work.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Oh, yeah! [baby hiccups, spits up.]
Well, that's all right.
That's all right.
Grandpappy throws up every once in a while too.
Let's just get you cleaned up, hey? Easy-peasy.
You almost made me late.
But I didn't, so quit your yappin'.
I'm hungover.
She ready? She's gonna piss on the family's electronics and start several small fires.
So, yeah, she's ready.
Remember, you're Franny now.
Didn't think you'd actually show.
Here I am, and here's Franny on time, as promised.
Okay, Franny.
Go inside.
Your new mommy will show you into your new house in just a second.
So I guess I owe you a check.
I guess you do.
- [loud thud.]
- [distant scream.]
[child wailing.]
[speaking Spanish.]
Franny! [glass shatters.]
What did you do? [loud crash.]
I'll take a dozen.
Can't believe these are vegan.
- [man.]
These are fantastic.
- Thank you so much.
Thank you.
You have green salsa? Thanks.
Good morning.
Dios mio.
This is the most money we've ever made in a day.
What was that for? We'd probably be halfway to Mexico if you hadn't stepped in.
We couldn't have done it without you, Carl.
[indistinct chatter.]
[camera shutter clicks.]
Thank you.
Oh, three generations of Gallagher men.
How 'bout that? Amazing.
There's nothing better than this.
Gallagher, we've enjoyed the process so far.
But we fear we spent more time with you than with the baby.
Perhaps if we had a private visit today we may better gauge our chemistry.
Oh, no, no.
I don't think so.
It is customary.
But this is a very special little boy, and as his grandfather, it's my duty What my dad is trying to say is, he doesn't know what to do with himself if he's not caring for his grandson.
That's not really what I was Maybe we can watch a movie or something to pass the time? Come on, Dad.
Um And that's when coach invited me on a publicity tour for the team.
Have you ever traveled with a powerful man? It's intoxicating, confusing.
A thousand eyes on him, his eyes only on you.
One night, backstage in his dressing room, he put on a single sequined glove.
I can't even tell you what he did with the other hand.
All I'm saying, knife and a fork.
Simple, effective, the right men for the job.
Ever try to eat a steak with chopsticks? Because it can't be done.
[indistinct murmuring.]
The Chinese got a lot right: stuffing paper in cookies, currency manipulation, walls.
But chopsticks? Huge swing and a miss.
That's an American baseball reference.
[indistinct murmuring.]
Maybe we should go check on the baby.
He's fine, Frank.
You don't know that for sure.
Nobody does.
Maybe we should keep him.
You need to keep it together, man.
Hey, I've got it together, my friend.
Come again? The Zhengs are willing to pay $100,000 U.
cash, if they can have the baby now and, most importantly, no additional contact with Mr.
Gallagher ever again forever.
Okay, girls, pay attention.
This is important.
Ready? And five, six.
Five, six, seven.
To the right.
And yes, yes, yes.
That's it.
And duh, duh, duh.
That's it.
And back, back.
Put some funk on it.
And turn.
There we go.
That's good, Amy.
This way, this Hi, baby.
Well, looks like we're not getting that settlement.
- What happened? - I don't know.
The lawyer just didn't buy it, which is crazy because I was rock-solid believable down to every last detail.
Aww, babe.
You wanna join us? We're about to discuss black liberation theology and then watch some Martin.
I'm gonna be upstairs.
I even told them what he made me do with the chimp.
Get up, get up, get up.
We gotta do this.
You ready? You shouldn't have jumped at the offer so quick.
This is a mistake.
So I should have waited until you screwed up the deal entirely? I just needed more time is all, which would have had the added benefit of allowing us to milk these families for all they're worth.
Reel 'em in slow.
Remember? Yeah, I remember.
There's no room for sentiment in business.
Get ahold of yourself.
You're a Gallagher.
Act like it! [vacuum cleaner whirring.]
Excuse me.
Where's the couple that was staying here? Left in a hurry.
Front desk said they needed to get home with their sick baby or something.
[somber music.]
What do you want to do for lunch? How about a burrito? Or Korean barbecue? [man.]
Need your help! - [Jolene.]
Or real barbecue? - [man.]
Need some help! [Jolene.]
I don't know.
You decide.
Where you going? - [woman.]
What are you doing? - [man.]
What the fuck? [man.]
Seriously, man.
This is still on the Nigerians' bill.
Leave me alone to mourn the loss of my grandson.
You're gonna regret not stealing this stuff, especially the minibar.
Well, I suppose a little parting gift on the kidnappers' dime is only appropriate.
It's the least they can do.
What do you think? Uh what am I looking at? It's our new RV.
You bought this? [Lip.]
Yeah, Debs just came into some money, and, uh, she floated me a loan.
Yeah, Franny's dad's a war hero.
Granted, I did think his heroic sacrifice and my 500 bucks could get you something a little better.
You said we needed more space.
Right? Now we have it.
I thought you'd be happy.
Oh, my God.
- You're such an idiot.
- What? I mean, were you even listening to me? Yes, I was listening, hence the RV.
Well [scoffs.]
I guess we're living in an RV now.
Yeah? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Debs, can you give us a minute? Thanks.
Look, so we're gonna both be living in here.
We should probably come up with some kind of system, right, you know, in case you're hooking up with guys, maybe a sock on the door or [laughs.]
There's not gonna be any socks on the door, okay? I totally struck out at the bar.
The only reason I went out in the first place was to make you jealous, and the only reason I wanted to make you jealous is because, you know, obviously Obviously? I still like you.
I I really like you.
So what are we? I just agreed to move into a shitty RV with you, so I think we're together.
Yeah? Yeah.
[rock music.]
What are you doing? [Carl.]
I'm getting started on tomorrow's tamales.
Where is everybody? They're celebrating at our new apartment.
We made enough today to get a new place, North Side, by a bunch of Whole Foods.
What? No.
I told you we were leaving.
Yeah, but I said you could stay long as you want.
I go where my family goes.
Ay! Pinche guerro.
What's that mean? You're a gringo.
What's that mean? [chuckles.]
You're a clueless fucking white boy.
I can't leave without showing you how to make a tamale.
[playful pop music.]
Whoo, whoo Whoo, whoo Whoo, whoo Whoo, whoo Ah-I I hear the night calling I take the back door Out where the stars are falling I show you the world Let's paint over the writing A story on the wall We came before the lightning And now we want it all Don't know how far we'll go These wheels are made to roll You've gotta be the soul Don't stop, don't stop [Pepa.]
Oh, my God, everybody get out! Get out now! Franny! What the hell? [Stella.]
Hello, 911? I'd like to report a fire.
Let me go.
Crawl to me.
Crawl to me faster! [babies crying.]

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