Single Drunk Female (2022) s01e10 Episode Script

A Wedding

What are we drinking to? Mm, we should drink to me.
Yeah, 'cause I just finished a year's probation, and my ex-best friend finally saw the light and invited me to her stupid wedding.
And, uh Oh, yeah.
I got, uh, my one-year chip.
Mmm.
- What are you looking at? - Eighth grade.
That was such a tough year for you.
Yeah, well, the bangs.
Yeah, well, they are violently irregular.
- I looked like a troll.
- I know.
Kids can be so appropriately cruel.
- I got this.
- No, no, no, come on, man.
Well, it's not like I don't owe you, okay? I left you high and dry when I kicked the bucket.
One could argue that I left you high and dry in the weeks and months leading up to you kicking said bucket.
Uh, years, actually.
Was it years? It was years.
Dad? I'm here.
I can't see your face.
Well, maybe you ought to watch what you're drinking.
Oh, shit.
I'm drinking.
- But I really want to see you.
- You can't.
This is a classic alcoholic anxiety dream.
I quit smoking 20 years ago and I still dream about it.
The good news is this means that things are going well.
Of course, the bad news is that I'm still dead.
Hey, don't let your mom date anyone.
Okay? I mean, uh, you know, unless it's, like, Pierce Brosnan.
That I would get.
You know.
The guy's a smoke show.
She doesn't stand a chance in hell with Pierce Brosnan.
- I think that's why I chose him.
- Yeah.
Don't let her date Pierce Brosnan, - I changed my mind.
- Okay, - I'll let her know.
- Okay.
Wait, Dad.
Okay.
Sign here.
Great.
Got it.
Thank you.
Have a good life.
That's it? What's the next step? Nothing.
You turned in all your program attendance, you paid your fines, you even completed your community service.
You were two hours over.
- Oh.
Is there -Good for you.
- Like, extra credit? - No.
The state of Massachusetts doesn't offer extra credit.
Right.
All right, so I'll, uh, check in with you every month now? You check in with me never.
You're done.
Congratulations.
Go revel in your freedom.
Sure you don't want me to, like, pee in a cup, for old time's sake? What is happening? - Do you enjoy probation, Samantha? - No.
No, it's just weird.
I've seen you every week for, like, however many weeks are in a year.
52.
Weeks, yeah.
I think I'm gonna miss you.
Well, tell you what, if you are desperate to see me, I will be at your mom's book club.
It's a trial period.
And they are on trial.
Use the - brush.
- Mm-hmm.
It blends it much better.
- Good to know.
- Yes.
And I would go light on that because of the little cracky lips.
Yes.
Got it.
So is today gonna be hard for you because of Joel? I don't know.
Um, I don't think so.
Bringing a nice guy helps.
I can't wait to meet him.
Oh, my God, I hadn't thought about that part.
Yeah.
Lovely.
I'm so good at this.
Hello, hello, hello! It is I, Prince Charming.
Just gonna put my fishing gear in the, uh, the closet, here, okay? - What?! - Love you.
It's okay, it's okay.
- Hey, Bob? - Yes'm? So, so, fishing stuff is kind of, like, garage materials.
You know, the closets are, like, for fancy s fancy things.
Oh.
Okay, got it.
Thank you.
I feel so seen.
Any word from James? I'm sure he will be here any minute.
Is this a bad sign? Is he not reliable? You can be late and be reliable.
Yes, of course.
Of course you can.
And he's done all that work.
Right? So, yes, of course.
He is reliable.
You know what? Just in case.
You're giving me your keys? You got your license back.
Thank you.
Just Fill it, give it a wash.
- You got it.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
- See you.
- Yeah, bye.
Oh, my God, stop texting.
Okay? I know you're out of practice.
Just say what you mean once nothing is worth a paragraph.
Nothing.
No, I know, it's just it's weird, you know? He's really not the type to ghost, so He'll make it or he won't.
Either way, there's a silver lining.
- What's that? - This is great for me.
I actually still don't know if I'm supposed to be here, so I'm gonna just cling to you like a barnacle.
What do you mean? You said she invited you.
Yes, technically, when she was under the influence - of some pretty gnarly stuff, so - Right.
- Well, well, - Okay.
- Well.
- James.
What nerve.
Hey, don't take him back.
Actually, do what you want.
I don't care.
- Hey, hey.
- Oh, my God, where were you? Oh, my God, I got rear-ended by some real piece of work, and then I was waiting for insurance, the tow truck was late All kinds of stupid stuff.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I-I'm fine, a little shook up.
Too shook up to text? Hi.
I should have, but I was just racing to get here, 'cause I didn't want to miss this, my God.
Okay, well, I'm just glad you're okay.
For the record, I did not like that, though.
I was very scared and very worried.
- We all were.
- I'm sorry.
Well, I'm gonna go see if my name is at the singles table.
Do you want to banish me there, too? It's totally fine, - I don't mind.
- Have you seen yourself in this suit? You're not going anywhere near the singles table.
Hi, guys.
Samantha.
Uh, so, I was just spreading the word.
We're actually running a little behind on, like, backstage stuff.
So while we just try and take care of things, we're gonna go on ahead and get the hors d'oeuvres going so you don't starve before the ceremony, okay? - Does that include drinks? - Yes, lots of drinks, and I'll be back soon, hopefully.
What the hell did she mean by that? I don't know.
I think I should go find Brit.
Here.
No.
People are gonna think we're together.
All right.
- She's here.
She's here.
- Oh, my God.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thank you for coming.
Honestly, it was an emergency.
Sure.
Always on call, even when I'm technically not on the schedule and been, you know, my first day off in three weeks, so Is that the dress? I'm not-I'm not looking.
Ooh, but I want to kiss you.
- Okay, go, go.
- Yes, absolutely.
So, what is the problem? Well, you know, the dress doesn't fit.
- Oh, it does.
- No.
We had four fittings, I have a picture of your boobs etched in my brain.
Um, not in a creepy way.
You know, just look at this.
Oh, yeah, well, you just need to zip it up.
- Okay, well, all right - Oh, no, - no, stop.
Oh, stop.
Ooh.
- But This time, you're gonna suck it all in when I say "suck it.
" - Okay, that's not my favorite.
- Okay.
But suck it.
There you go.
Yeah, see? Fits perfectly.
- And you look - Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Just unzip it.
Unzip it, - unzip it, please, unzip it, unzip it.
- Okay, okay.
Let me guess: you want to blame the dress 'cause you're scared.
You see your future, wedded, and it's crushing all the air out of your lungs, like you're some character in Manifest and this dress is the calling from the universe you can't ignore.
Otherwise, why did you survive? The plane disappeared for five years, and then here you are, and ev I'm sorry, what? Oh.
Manifest.
Great show.
Uh, but if you haven't watched it, this totally doesn't work here.
You know, what, I can't-I can't breathe.
Yeah, you can't breathe because your side boobs are being scooped up and mashed together to make one big glorious front boob.
That's it.
There's no deeper reason than that.
- It's painful.
- There are hundreds of people downstairs, waiting to take photos of you, and you look beautiful.
So, you ready to suck it up and suck it? I don't like it when you say it like that, but yes.
Okay.
Go.
Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, - suck it, suck it, suck it, suck - Oh, my God! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Okay, all right.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, I am not equipped to deal with this.
I'm supposed to be on a hike.
I hate hiking, but it is better than this garbage.
Also, your ahi tuna cones are bad.
Like, people are gonna get food poisoning.
So you might want to look into that.
- Hi there.
Hello.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Carol! Hey! - Hi.
Hope you're enjoying the hors d'oeuvres.
Sorry for the delay.
- Hey.
- Joel.
- Yeah.
- Uh, this is Bob.
Bob, this is Joel, - the groom.
- Yes, congratulations.
Yeah.
Yeah, uh, this is exciting, isn't it? This will be epic.
You know, what will happen? Thank you.
Hopefully, we'll get started soon, but you know women and their hair and makeup, so they Well, 'cause th-they make it look really nice, - is what I is what I mean, so - Yes, yes, yes.
I-I have some eyeliner on as well, yes.
Makes the eyes pop a bit, yeah.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- So, Joel, what - Good champagne.
- What really is the holdup? - You can tell us.
- She's just a perfectionist, you know? So I'm sure she's working on her vows.
That's-that's what it is.
The vows.
And, you know, I think they're serving the wrong apps.
It's supposed to be meatballs.
Oh! Uh, there's Aunt Teresa and her roommate Gwen.
Hi guys.
Um, see you guys at the ceremony, okay? Bye.
Hi! Hey.
Hello.
Um, are you-are you Felicia, by any chance? Brit's friend? Am I? No, uh, sorry.
Yes.
I'm Felicia, I just I'm not sure about the second part.
I'm Peter.
I work at the hospital with Brit.
- Oh, you're a doctor.
- Yeah.
Surgeon.
Holy smokes.
- Uh - You must be good with your hands.
Uh Brit said that I should find you.
Oh, you're looking for the hookup? Yeah, sorry.
That's not my MO today.
Today's about young love, not getting high, so Wait, I'm I'm-I'm confused.
She just said that you're great and that we would really get along.
Seriously? Yeah.
I was gonna play it cool and wait until after the ceremony, but it is taking a hot minute.
- Yeah.
- So want to grab a drink? Sure, yeah.
You, uh, you want to know which uncle's the tushy grabber? There's two of 'em.
One you'd expect, - the other bit of a surprise.
- Oh, wow.
You.
You horrible girl from the bridal shop.
I need you.
I was looking for Brit, actually, so Oh, perfect.
Let me take you right to her.
You're so kind.
Hi.
Guess who's here, huh? Hey.
Hi.
Big day.
Yup.
There's a wedding that's supposed to happen.
So, um So, what's going on? Is it jitters? 'Cause if it is, you know, Joel is Joel's a great guy.
He's He's so, um boy-boyish and he's great with wood.
And Yeah, he's a sweet, lovely human who's great with w Wood.
Okay, I didn't mean it like that, but if we're honest Whatever you're building up in your head Is Joel who you thought I'd end up with? No.
No, for a variety of reasons.
But I am, uh I'm really happy that you guys are doing this.
You know I mean that.
Um, can you go back to "no", 'cause why did you say no? Um, I I don't know.
Joel's really sweet.
He is.
You're right.
Right? Yeah.
Come on.
You're good.
Am I? Do you think I should go through with it? For real? I'm serious.
I'm lost.
Wow.
Okay.
I didn't, uh didn't realize this was, like, a Runaway Bride situation.
- Oh, God.
- Why don't I get Joel? - No, no.
- Not that.
Why don't I You know what? Um never mind.
Thank you.
Uh, can you just can you go get Angeline to come in here? Yeah, sure.
Sorry, I thought you wanted to see me.
Yeah, no, I know, it's just, um We don't really work like this.
- Like what? - You know, you're helping me.
It's just it's not our thing.
Well, historically, but it could be now, you know? - I've been doing a lot of self-work.
- Oh, of course you have.
You're I mean, you're good at self-work, just not other people work.
- Wow.
When did this become about me? - Oh, Sam, it's always about you.
Can you just Can you go? Mm-hmm.
Totally, yep.
Just just trying to step up to the plate, you know? Be a better friend to you.
You've always been a really good friend - to me.
- I haven't been a good friend.
Okay? I mean, you just you need me to be a good person because if I approve of you, then that means that you're good too, right? But honestly, just knock yourself out, 'cause I'm a piece of shit.
Just just tell me - I'm a piece of shit.
- Oh, my God.
Listen, yes, I was upset when I first found out about you and Joel.
Duh.
But I We all did our things, - right? - I hooked up with Joel at your dad's shiva, Okay? I just That's when we got together.
When your dad died.
Can you go now, please? Because I'm tired of being the good person.
It's your turn now.
Mm.
Good luck with the wedding.
Samantha! Look who we found.
He He's adorable, but a little odd.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, he's the best.
Um, I actually need to steal him for a second.
- James.
- Oh.
Okay.
- So, yes, we need to go.
- Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, no problem.
I've just been chilling here, talking to various people, charming babies, you know.
Yeah, I just, like, I can't be at this wedding.
You know, I feel like I'm gonna barf, like, at any moment.
- It's just a matter of time.
- Oh.
Oh, yeah, no, no, let's get out of here.
Thank you.
You're so pretty.
Have you been drinking? No, no.
Okay, I got a little nervous and I had one drink.
Um there's no such thing as one drink with us.
You know that.
Oh, my God.
Sam.
Sam, Sam, hey, hey.
Hey.
- Come on.
Don't leave like this.
- No.
- I did all the stuff, okay? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- I followed the rules, right? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
We were in this thing together and now it can't happen.
- We can't happen.
- Yes it can.
- No.
- It can.
I'll go to Club 24/7 tomorrow, raise my hand as a newcomer, - we'll be fine.
- A newcomer? Yeah, you are a newcomer, okay? This like, me and you - It can't happen now.
- Listen, I'm not as strong as you.
I took a bite out of the apple, I was just It happens.
Doesn't make me a bad person.
I didn't say you were a bad person.
Well, it kind of feels like that.
You know? Like, you're the one that brought me to this thing.
Knowing that it could be triggering.
What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do.
- You can help me.
- Okay.
Let's go to a meeting right now.
Let's go tomorrow, right? Let's go after.
Let's go back inside, make a night out of it.
You know, it was just a slip, don't worry about it.
Want me to slip, too? No, no, I I'm just saying this sucks.
You know? Let's go have fun.
You don't deserve that.
You deserve fun, - let's go have fun.
- I can't, I can't, I I worked too hard for this.
I can't.
Listen, listen, Sam S I love you.
You're drunk.
Hi.
I need you.
- Okay.
- Can I come in? Are you okay? What-what happened? It's, um It's been a day with some difficult choices.
Oh, Brit.
Oh, you bailed on the wedding.
Honestly, it's, like, not a great look, but I think it's gonna be fine.
You know, there's no rule that says, like, you have to marry someone just 'cause you said you would, and You'll be fine.
It's gonna be crappy for a while, probably, but I think you'll bounce back.
I mean, you're Sam.
It's worse now 'cause I went through with it.
I'm married.
I'm married.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.

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