Single Parents (2018) s02e16 Episode Script

Hips$ for Dolores

God, I hate when they close the school for no reason.
Well, there is a good reason.
Teacher enrichment? It's gonna be off the hook.
You didn't hear this from me, but word on the street is there's gonna be bagels.
So, now we're stuck with them? Is that even legal? Guess that means I'm bringing Graham to the law firm with me.
And apparently Rory, too, because he is obsessed with some dumb law show.
It's called "Gavel Town," and it's about Deb Schwepps, a big-city lawyer who gets banished to a small town in Georgia.
Tagline "Don't judge her.
" My man.
My job is nothing like "Gavel Town.
" Overruled.
- Pro bono, you didn't! - What's that? "LL"? Who's LL? Cool J or Bean? Cool J or Bean?! Okay, it's "landlord," as in the Winebrary landlord, and I haven't opened it yet because it's scary mail, and when I get scary mail, I have to wait until I'm emotionally ready to read it.
And I'm thinking I'll be there in about 10 more business days.
Well, that's insane.
What if it's important? Uh, what's important is that she's honoring her own timetable, and there's real power in that.
To which I say, madam Sorry.
I've been spending a lot of time at the Winebrary, and it's having a real effect on me.
I'm very into female empowerment now, and also I am drunk most of the time.
Wait, so you've been skipping out on work? As much as possible.
I just can't face it.
It's been so awkward since I broke up with Tracy.
I have been doing a lot of pretend phone calls.
Gary? Gary, calm down! I can help you land this plane, but you gotta remain calm, okay? Gary? Gary, lower your voice.
Gary, pull up! Gary!! I'm sorry, I just couldn't watch you land another plane.
Are you almost done with the toaster? Guys, I dated my boss.
Why did you let me do that? This is on you.
Okay, while you were all spellbound by his story about toast, I did a thing.
I opened the mail.
Turns out that they raised your rent two months ago, and between the late fees and some other crap, you owe 8 grand.
Douglas, this is why I said don't open it! And not to be that guy, but you also owe me 10 bucks from the movies last week.
I can't believe this.
Like, what kind of landlord just raises the rent? A good one.
I raise the rent on the shed every year.
You're not seeing a dime over 5%.
Talk to us when our lease is over.
Oh, okay, look, I'm gonna write you a check, and I'm gonna fix this all up, all right? Oh, you think you can just solve a woman's problem - with your checkbook? - Yes.
Why don't you swipe your credit card on her ass while you're at it? Will, you gotta hang out here less.
Douglas, I don't need your money.
- I'm gonna handle this on my own.
- Okay, option B and I'm sure this isn't gonna be a crowd pleaser - cut your losses and close.
- Huh? - Huh?! - W-What? It's the best business decision.
Douglas Robert Fogerty.
Close?! There is no way in hell I would ever shut down the Winebrary! I'm gonna figure this out.
Yeah, and I'm gonna help! As long as it doesn't involve going near KZOP, seeing Tracy, or making toast.
That's a real trigger snack for me.
Oh, see, my trigger snack is popcorn.
It's just like, oh, so g Wait, don't distract me! Come on, let's go, Will.
Watch the bar for me, okay? W-W-W-Wait, y-you're gonna leave me alone with these people? "These people" are regulars.
Right, right.
And what do they call themselves? The, uh The Wine-o's? Winebrarians.
And we run this joint.
I've seen this on Animal Planet, and I'm the antelope.
Objection! Judge, this is a mockery of our judicial system.
In New York City You're not in New York City anymore! You're in Gavel Town.
You're gonna be eatin' those words with your grits for breakfast.
Your mom's office is nothing like this show.
Yeah, this place is the pits.
Mom, we're bored.
Well, I'm bored every day of my life.
That's why they pay me the medium bucks.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Oh, my God.
I forgot you worked here.
Yeah, people always tell me that.
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about Poppy.
I wish we could help her.
I spent all my money on my custom calendars.
"Miggy at Large: 2020.
" This is just you shirtless around the office.
Right? Plus I added three new months Monember, Julip, and February Two.
Oh, oh, oh! Hey, maybe we can sell those and make money for Poppy.
Miggy, no one wants to buy a calendar in late February.
I mean, the year is basically half over.
- What? - Hello, co-workers! And co-lurkers.
My niece is selling Girl Scout Cookies, - and I would love it if you - Tell her to go shake it outside the grocery store like everyone else.
Beat it, Kammy.
Bye, Kammy.
See you later.
Oh, my God.
That's it! I have been buying crap from my co-workers for years cookies, wrapping paper, magazines because apparently those still exist.
But I've never hit them up for any cash.
Today is the day we are fundraising for the Winebrary! I don't know if people are gonna give us money for our friend's wine/bookstore.
But what about raising money for our beloved co-worker Dolores who's recovering from a hip injury? Hold up, who's Dolores? No one.
I just made her up.
Angie, you bad.
Ooh! All right, plan time.
I just checked the forecast.
We got a Category Five brainstorm coming! Not now, Will, I'm looking for something.
Ah-ha! I found it.
My engagement ring from Ron.
It's my backup plan.
I always told myself if I got in a pinch, I could sell it, and we're in pinch time, baby! Okay, you know, there's actually a little part of me that thought you were gonna propose to me right now, and my immediate answer was not no.
I-I'm gonna blow by that.
This is worth a lot of money.
Ron was a bad husband, but he could splurge on some jewelry.
- Mm.
- That and designer overalls.
So, we find a jewelry store, and I help you jack up the price.
I've already got a character locked and loaded that is going to guarantee you top dollar.
But just don't do your Mrs.
Doubtfire voice.
Honestly? I might.
I might.
Hello! Hello.
Beautiful, isn't it? And not small.
I mean, look at what that thing did to my finger.
It's called finger droop.
Whoop! You want me to look, or you want me to listen? Oh, yeah, you do your thing.
Um, excuse me.
I'm developing a headache from the glare of that majestic piece.
- You're not selling it, are you? - I am.
Mark Tiffany! Yes, that Tiffany.
I was just doing my regular stroll through the District that's what we call the Diamond District in my family.
That must save you a great deal of time.
May I? Oh, it's spectacular.
99-scale capture, deep-pressed water blessings The 4 and 12s are nearly jumping off the crest-piece! I-It's a wearable miracle! I'll give you 200 bucks.
$200?! - What? - Yeah.
For the band that holds that fake diamond.
What?! It's fake? Ron told me he spent a fortune on this.
Well, uh, congratulations.
Sounds like you divorced the right guy.
Hey, Gabe, sorry to bother you, but we're collecting money for Dolores.
Dolores? Do I know Dolores? Of course you know Dolores.
She drives a mid-size sedan, loves Showtime.
She's got a real middle-of-the-face kind of nose.
Anyway, we're we're raising money for her hip replacement.
Yeah, sure, uh I got something here for her.
She's actually getting both hips replaced.
Yeah, she fell and broke one hip, then got up, whoop! Fell and broke the other one.
Then she landed in the toilet, got a staph infection.
It's tragic.
So tragic.
Thanks, Gabe! Oh, by the way, I hope they find your brother.
Yo, you were amazing.
Where did that story even come from? I don't know! It just flowed out of me.
Am I a master storyteller? - Should I start hitting open mics? - Yeah.
Ha! Don't give us that look.
I know lying is wrong, but it's for a good cause, so that makes it okay.
Spare us the after-school special.
We're bored and want in.
And we can help.
These dimples are just sitting here, ready to make you money.
As tempting as it is to use your pretty faces, that would make me a bad mom that and the fact that I count ranch dressing as a vegetable.
Now, you two run along, go get yourself a snack, okay? Don't worry.
That one's on Gabe.
Rory, why did we get one salad when we could've gotten 10 plastic-wrapped apples? Because I really want to tell people that I'm saving space for dinner.
- Oh, no! No! - Ooh.
I'm so sorry.
Uh uh Here.
Here's $20.
You guys get another.
- I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
Aw, man.
Graham, do you know what this means? - 20 plastic-wrapped apples? - No.
With that one salad, we can bleed this office dry and help Poppy save the Winebrary.
We'll bleed them just like Deb Schwepps' low-life ex-husband did on "Gavel Town.
" There's scams on "Gavel Town"? There's everything on "Gavel Town.
" I can't help but feel like I'm not welcome here.
Pretty sure they hate you, Dad.
The one in the glasses is mine.
I wouldn't read into it.
As long as you pour them wine, they won't hurt you.
All righty, ladies.
That'll be $9.
Here you go.
What the hell is this? A Bess Buck.
Keep the change.
I mean, really? It's basically an IOU.
Poppy lets the Winebrarians use them to pay for drinks.
It's all in the books.
What? Wait a minute.
No way, p-people are paying for drinks with folded pieces of notebook paper? Good God, Fran has a deal where she doesn't have to pay for drinks un until a woman is president? No, no.
This stops now.
There's a new sheriff in town.
Buckle up.
Oh, no! My salad! Aw! Hey there.
Looks like your hips work.
You got money for someone with two janky ones? Hey, helter skelter, back in the van.
But I'm so hungry! Anything for Dolores? Thank you.
You pee, you pay.
6,998, 6,999 7,000! There's 70 bucks here.
That's why I was counting in pennies.
- It's much more exciting.
- Did someone say, "Ain't no scam like a Rory scam 'cause a Rory scam's got Graham"? Oh, my God! There must be, like, 50,000 pennies here! I know I should be mad and force you to return this, but instead, I'm gonna keep it.
'Cause it's just so flattering when you see yourself in your child.
Oh! It is true! You raised all this money for me? Who the hell are you? I'm Dolores! Ohh, so that's where I got it from.
Pack it up, Shakespeare.
Everyone here is writing a screenplay.
Yeah, you're the one it's gonna happen for.
I think you guys are missing the real point.
The Winebrary is all about vibe.
It's not supposed to feel like an airport.
Well, maybe it should.
Airports make money.
Vibe don't keep the lights on.
Dude, the regulars are leaving! That's okay.
Let them.
Sometimes you gotta prune the vine to get to the harvest.
Look, if you want to make money and turn them into paying customers, then I know what to do.
But you're not gonna like it.
Does it involve Enya? No.
It's listening.
Just try it.
Ladies, why don't you join me for a glass of Girls Just Wine-a Have Fun? - Oh, come on.
- Oh, my God.
On the house.
- That would be nice.
- Okay.
- Maybe.
- Okay.
All right.
I can't believe that my backup plan was a fake ring.
Actually, I can.
I mean, I married Ron, for God's sakes.
Then I started a business that's now underwater, and I can't even open mail that scares me.
Plus, you're wearing two very similar, but different shoes.
Oh, get it together, Banks! See? I'm a mess.
I'm not a badass businesswoman I'm a big dummy who makes bad decisions! I hate seeing you so down on yourself.
It's just, I've been at this rock-bottom place before.
I remember feeling this lost the day I decided to leave Ron.
It was every woman's worst nightmare.
You caught him cheating? No, he bought an alpaca with the last of our savings.
Alpacas are cute.
- Will - Sorry.
Something inside me just snapped.
You know what? No.
No, Ron.
It was the weirdest feeling.
I'm driving around, and Rory's in the back, nowhere to go, no one to talk to, no idea what I was gonna do with my life, and that's when I saw it.
Ah, the Winebrary.
- Okay, stop skipping ahead! - Sorry again.
You like it? I love it.
How much? 50 bucks.
$50? That's insane.
Look, Team Poppy all day, but maybe your landlord should raise your rent.
Oh, no, no, no.
So, that guy was just a squatter who thought I was propositioning him.
I met the real landlord a few days later.
Poppy, do you hear yourself? You took a dark moment and turned your whole life around! You're right.
I don't wallow I face my fears head-on.
I don't need a stupid ring to be my backup plan.
My backup plan is me.
I want to say "Yaaaas queen" so bad.
It's right there.
I appreciate the restraint, but I thank you for being with me today, Will.
Bring it in.
And you know what? You've inspired me.
I want to try to be friends with Tracy.
I think of all you've gone through with Ron and your business and your current shoe situation Dude, your shoes have wheels on them.
But if you can get through all of that, then I can get through some awkward moments with my ex.
All right! Take me to KZOP.
I'm ready to make some toast.
I am so proud of you.
Launch me.
So, after my drinking got the best of me, my husband left me.
I needed a place to go, - and this place became my home.
- Wow.
So, you picked a bar.
Okay, there's no judgment.
Just listening.
Poppy was really there for me.
She was my shoulder to cry on.
She was my therapist.
She was my maid of honor when I married myself down at the courthouse.
I don't think I would be alive today - if it were not for her.
- Mm.
Well, you know, I-I-I'm just trying to fix things for Poppy.
You know, I always assumed that this place was just paper and grapes, but I can see that it's so much more.
Fixing is his love language.
- Ohh.
- Ah.
My what now? Oh, it's how you show people you care.
Right? But, you know, since we're on the topic, maybe you can get your love languages to help you pay your Winebrary bills so Poppy can pay hers.
What are they doing? Are they gonna turn into one giant Winebrarian? No, this is good.
They're considering it.
This is how they decided to let Miggy join their full moon drum circle last month.
How often are you here, Sophie? A lot.
My dad had a girlfriend last year, so really lost track of me.
Man, I can't believe someone named Dolores works here and she needed two new hips.
I guess that's why that lie came out so smooth.
I'm not a master storyteller.
I'm just a really bad person.
This sucks.
We stole that money fair and square.
She just took it.
Honestly, I think she's faking.
You know, episode 109 of "Gavel Town," "Innocent Until Proven Filthy.
" - So basically, the - Rory, not right now, okay? We are in crisis mode! Hey, my calendars! Oh, my God.
He's covering his junk with my work cardigan.
I love it! He's bench-pressing my chair! In June! - That's That's my birth month! - I know.
This calendar is about all of us.
I gotta have one.
How much? - 20 bucks a pop? - Sold.
Yeah, I-I can do that.
- I can do that.
- Yeah.
Miggy, we can charge double if they're signed.
- Oh.
- Start signing.
Show these kids how to forge your signature.
Okay, okay.
- Hey! - Douglas.
What a day.
Oh, you're so peppy.
So, you must have gotten the rent? Nope.
In fact, I lost money today.
Got a parking ticket downtown.
That curb was a big girl.
She was red as hell.
So, why are you happy? Because I remembered I'm resilient.
I mean, I'll figure out a way to pay for this place.
Maybe, you know, get a small business loan, or start serving cheese.
Wine and cheese is a thing, right? Listen to me.
There is no way that you're losing this business not if I have anything to say about it.
That's right.
I'm a convert.
- I love it here.
- Say what now? I don't know, maybe it's a combination of knowledge and alcohol because I All right, no.
You know what? I'm not gonna mansplain your business to you.
You know why it's great.
Oh, my God.
I am very turned on right now.
Oh? And also a little concerned.
Did you vape with Fran in the alley? Fran! I only vape in the restroom now! Poppy, you have built this business from the ground up.
And also there's an army of people who will fight to make sure that you can keep it going.
Now, I have been drinking Chardonnay for the past six hours, and I need to lie down.
- Okay.
- Stop! Don't lock it down! Miggy, there's no bulldozer.
It's just a rent increase.
I know.
I tried to explain it, but he just really wanted to see a bulldozer today.
Poppy, we come bearing gifts.
We are proud to present to you this gift of Oh, my God, you talk slow.
Here you go, Mom.
Money? Oh, my gosh, you guys! How did you Thank you.
Yeah, as much as I'd like to take credit, this one was all Miggy.
Guys, this calendar is making me reconsider my stance on heterosexual sex.
And office work.
Check this mess we are going to start paying for our drinks now.
- With usable cash? - Mm-hmm.
Like, money? Real money.
This means so much to me.
Thank you, guys.
I really appreciate it.
We got your back, Poppy! No one yells the thing we're all thinking like Miggy.
- Damn right! - We love you.
- We love you, Poppy! - We love you.
And, you know, not to be that guy, but Rory spilled my salad earlier.
It was $15.
You ruined it.
Hello! Damn it.
I thought I was ready.
- "Hi, Tracy," is what I meant to say.
- Hi, Will.
That was a really good Mrs.
Oh, I know.
Hey, would you like to get coffee with me sometime? Just as friends? Are you sure you're not too busy trying to land Gary's plane? Can I be honest with you? - Gary does not exist.
- What? - Yeah.
- I am shook! - I'm so sorry I've been so weird.
- Ahh.
I-I just I've never worked with an ex before.
Me neither! I can't believe I dated a co-worker.
- Mm-hmm.
- Why didn't my friends stop me? That is exactly what I've been saying.
There's too much interaction, especially when we're both obsessed with toast.
Right? Hey, are you thrown off by the fact that the new toaster goes all the way to 10, so now 5 is medium-brown as opposed to the most brown? It has ruined my life! Hey, you guys hear? Will and Tracy broke up.
I'm Guy McCormick, and that's the news.
Oh, dear.

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