SLiDE (2011) s01e09 Episode Script

Episode 9

1 Ed Newman.
4 out of 10.
Four? Best I can do.
Sorry.
Is it in yet? Two?! Two points for trying.
Loser.
What? Hello? Tams! Hey, Tams! OH! Oh, ahh! What do you want? I just sprained my ankle! Shhh! It's late.
I've got an exam tomorrow.
I know, I know.
So do I.
Can we talk? No.
No, I need to.
I can't study.
I'm going crazy.
Please, Tam.
Agh! Fuck! Get away from my house.
I just wanna explain what happened.
Agh! Just stop hitting me! No, I can't.
We need to talk.
Go talk to Phillipa.
OK, that's just it.
The whole Phillipa thing, it was an accident.
What, you tripped and fell and landed partially inside someone? I don't know how it happened, OK? It was a mistake.
I'll do anything if you can just stop hating me.
I don't hate you.
It's more like a mild loathing.
Revulsion.
And it's mostly because you lied to me.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
You made me believe in something that wasn't true.
That's what a lie is, Ed.
Something that's not true.
I didn't know how to tell you, OK? I was ashamed.
You told everyone else.
You told them about the pact, and you told them about Phillipa.
No, I just it was Look, there's a way we can fix this.
I mean, if you're agreeable.
Agreeable to what? Are you kidding? It's the only way to move forward.
I'd rather go backwards.
But you promised.
We said we'd help each other out if we were still virgins.
Yeah, and you're not one anymore, you stupid person.
I could pretend.
This is what you came here to talk about? Don't hit me.
Shh.
Scarlett.
Hey, Tams.
Am I interrupting? No.
Yes.
Yeah! Nah.
Ooh, are you having some secret thing? No, we're not.
I live here.
I'm about to go to sleep.
Not with him.
I can't get to sleep.
I'm having nightmares.
What about? About my own sexual performance, actually.
Yeah, not surprising.
Hey, Tams, I really need some cash.
Can you loan me? You came to borrow money? At this hour? Yeah, I lost my purse.
How did you get here? I walked from a friend's place.
What friend? So, what are we drinking? Oh, yeah, let's raid the liquor cabinet.
Let's not! I've got an exam in a few hours.
Yeah, I'm doomed.
My brain's scrambled and I have to get at least 80% if I have any chance of getting into Vision Science.
Then go home and go to bed.
I can't.
I'm too wired.
And plus this whole nightmare thing.
It's like I had an egg in my mouth.
What? In my nightmare.
I had a blue egg.
I think it means something.
It means you're a nut job.
You need pills maybe.
Blue pills.
Like sedatives? That could be it.
I need sedatives.
Who's got 'em? What was that? Sounded like drums.
Tam, don't go out there.
Argh! Ankle! Shut up.
Don't go out there.
You don't know what's out there.
Yes, I do.
It's a hallway.
I heard drums.
It's Meg White.
She's broken in.
Arr! Oh, Charli, what are you doing? I couldn't sleep.
I heard noises.
There's no noises.
Go back to bed.
Who's in your room? There's no-one in my room.
Come on, before you wake Mum up.
I heard you talking to someone.
There's no-one in there.
Yo, Scarlett! Charli! Hello.
C-Monkey.
- Yeah! People, it's bedtime.
I'm not sleepy.
Me neither.
Charli, do you have a piggy bank? Didn't you tell me last time Uh-huh, yeah.
$41.
Scarlett 40 would get me home.
I'll pay it back.
Plus 15%.
15? Where'd you get that from? Out of office hours.
Go 'The Apprentice'.
Take it or leave it.
Leave it.
Leave it, everyone.
Charli, you're fired.
Go to bed.
What time is it? Lucas? Luke! What's he doing? Uncle Luke? Tell him to come over! - Hey, Charli, show me your nails.
- Can you fix them, actually? These dreams.
Mate, you were in my dream.
Oh, yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, come round.
Do you like that? Oh, no, but this one is Ooh, they're very Yeah, I know, they're like Calm.
Calm, breathe.
Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'.
Cripes, is she prepared enough? For life or this stupid exam? Um, if I don't pass this exam, I won't have a life.
Wow, that's really sad.
It's true.
It's true, it's true, it's true.
Oh, God, 'Hamlet'.
'Hamlet', I know thee so well, and yet and yet and yet Ed, are you speeding or something? No.
Had a U-Schtoober.
Two of 'em.
Caffeinated energy drink.
U-Schtoober - clarity in a can.
Plus, I might be a little bit freaked out right now due to circumstances of a personal nature.
Oh, your little homemade porno.
"Is it in yet? Is it in?" "Is it in yet?" Please do not say that.
Hey, it's a catchy little phrase.
Stop.
Stop right there.
OK, you, back to bed.
I'm not sleepy.
Get into bed, now.
Come on.
Oh! You're hurting my Don't care.
Night, Charli.
"Is it in yet? Is it in? Is it" Hope you die in your sleep.
And, you two, get your shit together.
You're leaving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! What's the matter with you?! Not going.
Nothing.
No, no, no.
Charli, please.
I don't have time for this tonight.
I hate my room.
What are you Whoa, what are you doing? You're jumping on Ruby Rose.
Hey, listen, Charli! Whatever's going on between you and Ruby, you need to sort it out between yourselves! The problem for Hamlet is that he has to kill his uncle, right, but he's too freaked out.
So he keeps putting it off.
I get that.
Just I don't really believe it.
What do you mean, you don't believe it? It's Shakespeare.
Oh, you guys are still here.
Cool.
Scarlett's attacking Shakespeare.
Doesn't make any sense and everybody in the play is completely nuts.
Just seems unrealistic.
My hands are shaking.
Charli seems kind of agitated.
12-year-old drag queen.
I'd be agitated.
Yeah, there's some drama going on there, but I'm tired, I'm going to sleep.
Luke's picking us up any minute.
Luke's coming here? Yeah, he's got Dylan's car.
Move.
Move! I need my jacket.
Thought you're going to sleep.
Yeah, I sleep better with my jacket.
Hello? Home-dawg.
What's your ETA? What? How long you gonna be? Dude, dude, I can't hear you.
What? What'd you say? Hey, can you get me some milk, like flavoured stuff? Take that as a yes.
Couldn't hear a thing.
Should be here soon, but.
Tremendous.
Oh, you made a mess of Ruby! Hate Ruby.
Yeah, maybe you're a bit too cool for her.
So you got school tomorrow? Hate school.
Right.
But your friends'll be there.
Hate my friends.
OK.
Well, that's pretty normal.
'Night, Charli.
What do you mean, it's normal? It just is.
School, what's there to love? And friends are just enemies you can't kill.
But you don't have enemies, do you? 'Cause you're C to the H I've got enemies.
You do not.
Who? Charli? Hey, Tams, you studying? No, I'm fly fishing.
Oh, God, I wish we were.
Goddamn trout and salmon and lures Ed! Yeah, shut up.
I get it.
My trembling hands.
Jesus.
Think I should call Eva? I think you should set yourself on fire.
Me and Eva did a study session on 'Hamlet' - nailed it.
And did you have sex with her too? By accident? Huh? What makes you think that? I don't.
Eva's got too much class.
I might make a coffee.
Luke! His name's Henry.
He's bigger than me.
Of course he is.
Bullies always bully someone smaller.
He comes to the pool and says stuff in front of everyone.
Bastard.
What am I supposed to do? Punch him in the dick.
He's bigger than me.
So So you get him when he's not looking.
Anyone want coffee? Like you need caffeine.
Good point.
But I think I'm OK.
I think.
Yeah, I think I'm settled.
Whoa.
What's that? What? Smoke.
What's burning? Something's burning.
Have another U-Schtoober.
U-Schtoober - clarity in a can.
Oh.
Oh, watch out! Ed, hey, listen.
Dylan's car.
What about it? Was Luke definitely driving it? Yeah, why? Eva? Luke said he had it for the weekend.
The car's down a ditch and there's no sign of him! There's blood on the steering wheel.
What, uh What's the story? It's Luke.
It's a car crash.
Holy shit.
Holy, holy, holy, holy shit.
This is not good.
Charli's piggy bank? You stole it? I borrowed it.
I thought we might need taxi fare.
Here.
Any sign of him? Nuh.
Still not answering his phone.
How did you find this? I was just driving past, and I saw the car.
We should go knock on some doors, ask if anyone's seen him.
No, I don't reckon.
They'll just call the cops and then we've really got problems.
Why? We haven't done anything.
It doesn't matter.
You never call the cops.
Luke might've done a runner or something.
Yeah, or he might be walking around hurt.
He could be lying in a ditch somewhere.
With a broken neck.
Ed.
I saw this.
I saw this in my nightmare.
Luke was wearing a neck brace.
Ed, what are you talking about? You too, Eva.
You were wearing a neck brace.
OK.
I'm gonna ride to Luke's.
We'll see you there.
I'm fine.
Honest, I'm fine.
Dylan's in Rockhampton for a couple of days, so I thought I might as well use the vehicle.
- He's gonna go mental.
- And you just left it there? Yeah.
I thought I might be slightly over the limit.
Maybe.
You got trashed the night before your 'Hamlet' exam? No, I just I woke up and Ed said get over to your place, and You woke up trashed? Oh, were you sleep-drinking? I had a bit of a night.
And I just didn't want the cops testing me.
Where was the party? How come you didn't tell us there was a party? Is that relevant right now? Parties are always relevant.
Oh, I gotta move the car before the cops find it.
Well, you've cut yourself.
Ah, it's no big deal.
Well, it could've been.
Yeah, but it wasn't, so I can't believe this.
The neck brace, the crash, the blue egg.
It wasn't a nightmare.
It was a warning dream.
What is he on? Ed thinks he's psychic because he has dreams about you.
Dreams in which you're wearing spinal supports.
No, it's true.
I was holding this egg, this amazing blue egg.
That's obviously your own penis.
Was it small? Was it in yet? I'm serious, OK? It was a warning, to all of us.
Life is short.
Life is fragile, precious.
We should get wasted.
Yes, we should.
We should really genuinely have fun.
A lot of fun.
Man, you are psychic.
Pool party! Whoo! Hey! Hey! What about the car? And what about the exam? It's 5:00am! So the car got stolen when? When was the last time you saw it? Yesterday morning? No, it's too long ago.
You would've reported it missing before that.
Not if I didn't notice it.
Wasn't it parked in the driveway? Wouldn't the neighbours have seen it? Are you really gonna do this? Go to the cops and tell lies? No, I'm gonna tell Dylan I wrapped his car around a tree.
The car that he told me not to touch, quote, unquote.
That car.
The one he's psychotic about.
You didn't mean to.
Why can't you explain that to him? Sure, if I wanna die.
You'd better get to the cops before they get to you.
As soon as I sort out my story.
You should just go now while you stink of booze and your head's bleeding.
It's a good look.
Ed, what the hell?! Frog Man! How is that Frog Man? Frogs don't spit.
They do now.
You do and you're dead.
Frog Man! Mm? Whoo! Ed! What the hell is with him? Life is precious, apparently.
Life's cheap.
This top is precious.
Hey, wanna see my dolphin? I already have.
Are you OK? In what way? I mean, are we OK? I don't know.
But I apologised.
Yes, you did.
So So you can't be angry.
Not with true friends.
Ed, if you're gonna do this "life is short" speech again, I'm gonna throw up in the pool.
But I really like being liked.
I like it when people like you like me.
It's fun.
For me.
Yeah, I know.
What about this exam? What about it? It's on in a few hours.
Yeah.
I should get my act together.
If we leave now, we can both get some sleep.
Separately.
And then we go in there and we nail it.
Yep.
Yo! Yar, yar, yar! Uhh! White whale! Ahh! This one time, we were driving back from the coast, five of us in a sports car, and we rolled it.
Oh, get out! Serious! I ended up on the floor under the, um What's it called? Uh, the driver? The dash! I ended up under the dash.
What's in it? Bit of everything.
Scar, I can't.
I've gotta drive.
It's one drink, and it's my special recipe.
Scar, where's Charli's money? Somewhere safe.
What? I offered it to you and you didn't want it.
Tam, where are you going? I'm making you a cocktail! Where you going? Home.
Got an exam.
So do we all.
Yeah, well, I'm planning on passing, rather than failing.
Now, hang on.
Just because Luke is in party mode.
He had a close call.
You saw the car.
He could've been hurt.
Well, he's lucky he's got you guys.
Far out, there's more to life.
You think so? Mm.
You're way smarter than her and you don't go on with this shit.
I reckon, first up, we get back to the car, wipe your prints off the steering wheel, mess up the lock.
Yeah, I don't wanna get seen.
Yeah, I'll come with you, keep watch.
OK.
Where's Tams? She went home.
Huh? Her Holiness has left the building.
She went back to study.
Fair enough.
Goddamn U-Schtoober.
I may never sleep again.
You've overdosed on clarity.
Sure.
Hey, um do you hate me because of the Phillipa thing? 'Cause I'd totally understand if you do.
Hadn't really thought about it.
Wasn't even my idea.
I'm not even attracted to her.
Genuinely don't mind if you are.
No, but I'm not.
Ed.
You could care a little bit about it.
Maybe sort of be vaguely grumpy about it.
Probably not.
It was nothing like you and me.
I'm just saying, you know.
Look, you weren't an accident.
I was probably the accident for you Edmund.
No, you're not you're you're cool.
Hot, whatever.
Guys, come help me! Help me! - He just fell! He just fell! - He's fitting.
It's OK, it's OK.
He's turning blue! Ed, shut up and call an ambulance! Blue.
Blue egg! Call an ambulance! Go! Luke! It was turning It was turning blue.
A blue egg, coming out of my mouth.
This is bullshit.
We should be in there with him.
They'll be doing tests.
We should be in there with him.
I might try Tammy again.
We've left messages.
She's not interested.
Maybe she didn't get them.
Of course she got them.
If Luke dies Can you not say that, please? But if he did, we'd be excused of sitting the exams.
Like, all the exams.
Well, fingers crossed, hey? I mean, obviously, he's not going to die, but the mere fact that he might've, maybe we already qualify for some sort of exemption.
You're like a corrupted file.
E, you do the talking if the doctors start asking questions.
Why me? Because you're medical.
I'm what? My parents are doctors.
Exactly, so you know how it all works.
Sunil Bhattacharya? Sunil? Sunil Bhattacharya? Sunil Bhattacharya? I'm gonna get some air.
I cannot breathe in this place.
"U-Schtoober.
" Clarity, I need it.
This whole thing, it's a wake-up call.
Is he OK? Is he gonna be OK? I'm not sure who Luke Gallagher.
He had some kind of fit, but he's gonna be alright, isn't he? You know, he's not gonna be some kind of wedgetable.
I'm sorry? We just need to know he's OK.
Are you the next of kin? Yeah, I'm his sister.
He wasn't drinking, just so you know.
He hadn't taken any alcohol or drugs.
Why was he brought in? Well, he had a car accident.
Ow! No, he passed out in the kitchen.
There was no car.
No car, that's true.
No drinks, no car.
S to the C.
Hey.
What's the word? Still waiting.
They said he's OK, but OK, I'll come in.
Nah, it's cool.
You need to study.
'Hamlet, Prince of Denmark'.
What, have you been spying on me? Nah, I'm just not stupid.
Yeah, well, how is it any of your business what I do? Hey, calm down.
It's no big deal.
I studied my brains out.
Yeah, and you have brains and everybody knows that.
No, I just work hard, that's all.
Because I have to.
Because if I don't, then I won't get into stupid medicine and the olds won't speak to me again.
I have to blitz this exam just to get them off my back.
Yeah, well, at least they give a shit.
I don't even know why I bother.
Scar, it's OK.
There's a psych ward real close.
OK, let's go back inside.
Sunil Bhattacharya? That'd be me.
Chest pains? Yeah.
Among other things.
Charli, your swimmers are in the dryer.
I don't need swimmers.
Yes, you do.
You've got swimming class today.
Take it.
Come on, I've got a rehearsal.
I'm not going.
Darling, you've gotta go to swimming You can't make me.
Got to go! See you! 'Bye! Yeah? What? Energy drinks.
Caffeine and energy.
I think I've overdosed on energy.
But now I'm nauseous and I have no energy.
I think my ankle's wrecked and this nightmare that I think I misunderstood, I think I'm supposed to pass my exams, do well, you know, achieve the blue egg.
Could I maybe have something to calm me down? Or pick me up, maybe? You're not Sunil Bhattacharya, are you? No.
Not exactly.
I'm Ed Newman, and I'm a very sick man.
Nurse? Excuse me, nurse.
Luke, are you alright? You have to get me out of here.
Garrigan? No, Gallagher.
Luke Gallagher.
I'm not seeing his name.
Well, he was brought into Emergency.
There he is.
Luke! No, shh! It's not us.
It's not him.
Luke, what Are you alright? Is that Mr Gallagher? Yes.
No, absolutely not.
Eva, keep going, keep going.
Have you signed your discharge form? Huh? No, he didn't have any discharges.
What is going on? I'll tell you later.
Edmund! Morningations.
Can I just see your paperwork, please? Hey, stop for a second.
Patient forms.
Matron, step aside.
We have roughly two hours to take control of our future, so back off.
Thank you very much.
Collect me at 1230 hours.
We'll go directly to the exam.
- Yes, Captain.
- See you then.
Ed seems to have straightened out.
I reckon he's weirder than ever.
One more word about achieving the blue egg You guys do have homes to go to, you know.
Yeah, and the cops are probably at mine, so Here, here, here.
Here.
After you.
Is it in yet? 4 out of 10.
Loser.
Last-minute dash? We could do it together.
Are you maybe menstruating? Just the way you left my place.
Yeah, I was bored.
You just want everyone to come running to watch you remake 'Jackass', starring yourself.
And we all clap and cheer I didn't deliberately trash the car.
I didn't on purpose get a concussion.
No, it just happened.
And you're the innocent victim of happenstance.
And you're Mother Teresa, Joan of Arc and Jesus Christ, all in one.
Oi, careful.
They're virgins, the three of them.
Jesus was a virgin? Luke, thanks mostly to you, and Ed's desperate need to impress you, I haven't had any sleep.
So? It's an exam.
So what? If you can't nail 'Hamlet', then what's done is done and cannot be undone.
That's not 'Hamlet'.
Is it? No, it's 'Macbeth'.
It's a much better play.
And, Tammy, you go on about how we ruin your study time, but methinks you protest too much.
That's 'Hamlet'.
What are you talking about? You love it when we mess you around, when we screw up.
It confirms you as superior.
I never said I was superior.
You think it.
And yet I bet I beat you in this exam.
Shut up.
I'm not betting on an exam.
What have you got to lose? I bet you dinner and a movie.
And maybe some drunken groping.
Is that human? Take that! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ed! What are you doing? Cleaning up.
Cleaning out! Ahhhh! Ed, stop it! Ahhhh! Ed! Ed! Ahhh! Give me the sledgehammer.
In my hand, not my head.
This is where it all started.
All the bad stuff.
Ed, are you OK?! I'm awesome.
I'm awesome! Oh, I love you guys.
I love you.
Scarlett, you are one hot marsupial.
Thanks, Ed.
I'm Tammy.
And Lukey.
Lucas Klucas.
Yep.
Where are you? Where's Lucas? I'm right here.
Ed, come on, on the bed.
So glad.
So glad you're not a wedgetable.
What were the pills you took? Sexy pills.
Oh, great.
Why is he on my bed? Because his parents can't find him here.
Come on, Ed.
It's sleep time.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, sweet ladies.
Goodnight.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! One thing.
What? What do you want? You may not be one, but you have the soul of a wedgetable.
Think he might be talking to you.
You reckon? Who kills someone by pouring poison in their ear? Claudius, the King.
He killed Hamlet's father It's messy.
It's like, "Come here, tilt your head this way, "let me pour this liquid into your ear.
" I think you do it while they're sleeping.
Sounds awkward.
Why don't you just stab 'em in the throat? Yeah, that's so neat and tidy.
What the hell did Ed take? I think he scored something at the hospital.
And another can of U-Schtoober.
Well, we have to get him straight, and we haven't got long.
We've got Holy shit, we've got an hour at the most.
Yeah, and if he goes to sleep now, he'll crash completely and he'll never make the exam.
Trust me.
Ed, wake-up time! Come on, Ed! Edmund! Wide awake.
Oh, Tammy.
No, Scarlett.
Scar, can you can you be naked? Yeah, because you look so hot when you're drooling.
Come on, get up.
Oh, get in, baby.
Ed! What the hell?! Get off me! People, get a room.
Ed, stop it, you mental case Threesome! Just us.
Come on! Ed, let me go! Oh! Scarlett, that is my bed! Too much of water hast thou! That's it.
He speaketh Shakespeare.
OK, Ed, come on, get up! Oh, shit, I feel sick! Look, can we get him out? I don't want him to spew in my room.
I've got an idea.
It's on the way.
What what are we doing here? We're swimming.
It'll shock your system.
Why in the public pool? Well, I don't know.
It's noisy, it's cold, it's ghetto.
Ah, sleepy, sleepy sunshine.
Wow, he is retarded.
Ed, this way.
Come on.
Ahhh! Cold! Ah! The Apostle Edmund! Tam! He is saved! Tams! Oh, shit.
Henry.
Are you Henry? What's it to you? Shut up or I'll stab you.
You go near Charli again and I will kill you.
But but I wasn't Shut up and stay away.
Right, now, if he comes and hassles you again, you come to me, OK? Scarlett? What? I think he's drowning.
He's faking it.
He can't swim too well.
Fuck you! Shit! Just calm down, you little shit.
I'm trying to fuckin' save you! Oh! Anytime, Henry.
Anytime, I will find you and I will drown you.
He can't even swim.
How do you get bullied by someone who can't even swim? I didn't.
He's my friend.
This is friend Henry, not bully Henry.
You're kidding.
Bully Henry's over there.
Over it, Charli.
Wait Fight your own battles, kid! We gotta go.
Is Ed OK? What do you reckon? Ohhhh Like an angel.
Harris, Havich.
- I'm not gonna make it.
- Yes, you are.
Come on, Edmund.
My brain's trapped in my eyeball.
Where's Eva? She's inside already.
I didn't see her Yeah, she went ahead.
OK, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed.
Straight.
OK, straight.
Straight.
Ed Newman, Luke Gallagher, Tammy Lane Hang on, one at a time.
One at a time, alright? I'm straight.
Straight edge.
I'm sorry? Oh, I can't do this.
Ed, you can.
You must be seated in five minutes.
Ed! Hey! Goodnight.
Goodnight, sweet prince! It's OK, it's only me.
You alright? Brilliant.
My parents are gonna kill me.
Yeah, mine too.
At least you made your own decision.
You yourself.
Is that what I did? You wrote what? That Hamlet's a fruitloop and the story's weird.
I just told them what I thought.
How'd you go, Luke? You're awfully quiet.
Yeah, I um I did OK.
Enough to win the bet? Hey, Eva, bad girl! Shh! Quietly.
What the hell? Where were you? I didn't go.
Yeah, no shit.
What happened? I don't know.
I just didn't.
If I did the exam, then I'd pass the exam, and then Why are we whispering? Sleeping nut job.
Oh, his parents are gonna go orbital.
Yep.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Huh? He might get away with it.
Somehow.
You didn't.
What? You signed his name instead of yours.
What? You did that? No.
Maybe.
He needs it more than I do.
Eddie? Eddie boy? Eddie boy? Love you guys.
Aw, that's so cute.
Ew, he's drooling.
Again.
Yeah.
Hey, Luke! Oh, shit.
D, you're back.
Where's the car? What car? In the driveway.
It's what? It's right there in the driveway.
Or it was last time I looked.