Slings and Arrows s01e04 Episode Script

Outrageous Fortune

(translation from spanish) no one can force you to work on a Sunday.
We could use the extra money.
Anyway, she can't take care of herself.
She's a grown woman.
She's an actor.
You know what they're like.
Oh my! Actors are pigs! Ethmerelda: Oh miss ellen! (sighs) Ethmerelda: (blood curdling scream) Ellen: Sorry.
Ô cheer up, hamlet ô Ô chin up, hamlet ô Ô buck up, you melancholy dane ô Ô so your uncle is a cad ô Ô who murdered dad and married mum ô Ô that's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become ô Ô so wise up, hamlet ô Ô rise up, hamlet ô Ô perk up, and sing a new refrain ô Ô your incessant monologizing ô Ô fills the castle with ennui ô Ô your antic disposition is embarrassing to see ô Ô and by the way, you sulky brat, ô Ô the answer is: To be ô Ô you're driving poor ophelia insane ô Ô so shut up! You rogue and peasant ô Ô grow up! It's most unpleasant ô Ô cheer up! You melancholy dane! Ô (cheers and applause) Anna: It was not a riot.
Basil, it was not a riot, it was a party.
No it was- it was a prop sword.
Jesus, it had a thingy on the end.
I don't know why you have to write about this.
You're a critic.
There's nothing here to criticize.
Where's fucking richard? Richard will be in shortly At which time he will happy to answer any questions You may have about shows Currently on stage or in production.
Thank you and goodbye.
And when exactly might that be? Any minute now, I promise.
This is an outrage! I am outraged! Darren, please.
It's Sunday.
I'm not supposed to be in here.
I haven't had my breakfast yet.
I spent the night in prison.
I had to share a toilet With members of the young company.
I am so, so sorry.
Fuck your apology, And fuck this tarted-up street fair That calls itself a theatre festival! Agh! Fuck you too, you dumbass bastard! Richard: Anna.
There's been an incident.
Richard: A million people have already told me.
I hope that's juice on your pants Why don't you go use the ladies room.
I want her fired! I want everyone fired! Darren, you're upset.
No, I'm outraged.
He stabbed me, richard.
I want him fired first - publicly.
Have you had any breakfast? What is this obsession you people have with breakfast? I was stabbed by a madman.
Have you eaten anything? I had a cruller in the hospital.
Well come, look, let's Let me buy you breakfast And then we'll talk about this incident.
Incident? You make it sound like an ill-timed fart.
I was stabbed, for the love of god! Come on, let's Ugh! I can't rehearse today.
I can't face the actors.
Where am I going? He could be out there With a gun waiting to shoot me down.
Darren, you're safe.
Geoffrey isn't going to hurt you or anyone.
I've made sure of that.
Go! Officer radley: You've been charged with causing a disturbance As defined under section 175 of the criminal code.
Frank: Well I'm certainly guilty.
I'm truly sorry for my terrible behavior.
He's not the judge, duckie.
Save your groveling for the court.
Officer radley: Talk to a lawyer.
He'll explain your options.
You're free to go.
Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer.
I have an agent.
Oh please, duckie.
Marcel couldn't even get you out Of that bloody tour of "godspell".
Do you really think he can keep you out of jail? Well that's the last of them.
Except for one.
Geoffrey tennant.
Him, we're gonna have to keep him for observation.
Why? Officer radley: Because he was found drunk, in tights, Trying to stab people with a sword.
That's just geoffrey being geoffrey.
Well regardless, we're gonna have to keep him 'til the doctor says it's okay to release him.
Oh, please Look, I know what you actors are like.
Oh, let's not get ugly here.
Officer radley: I know what you actors are like Because my son is an actor.
He's in paris right now, studying buffoon.
What's- It's a kind of a clown.
Now, I'm worried that mr.
Tennant's recent display Was something more than an actor's tendency To deal with powerful and conflicting emotions In a theatrical manner.
This morning I had a call from someone at the theatre.
Now I want you to be honest with me Is he crazy? No.
Well, he was at one time.
Thank you.
You'll get him back after the doctor sees him.
Oh (frustrated sigh) Jack: Were you ever in girl scouts? Kate: I was a brownie, briefly.
Jack: So you went camping? Kate: Sure, if you call two nights With a premenstrual ranger camping.
Why do you ask? Jack: This is the first time I've ever slept outside.
Kate: Get out.
Jack: I had allergies when I was a kid, So I never got to go to camp or anything.
Did you have braces? Jack: Yeah.
I was fat too.
Kate: (gasps) You were a loser.
Hard to believe, isn't it? (laughs) Man, it's amazing we didn't screw last night.
Sorry, but it is amazing.
Are you disappointed? No.
I hate sex.
You know, I might be a weirdo or something.
I don't think you're a weirdo.
A weirdo would have killed me in my sleep last night.
Come on.
Why do you want to have sex with me? Jack: Why? Yeah.
Jack: 'cause We've got a thing here.
A thing? Jack: Yes, there's a thing happening between us.
Right? Yeah, there's a thing.
Take me out for breakfast And we'll talk about when we're going to screw.
Jack: Do you have hash browns in canada? Kate: (laughing) yes! Cell mate: (groans and moans) Officer radley: You're up.
Where are all the others? Officer radley: Released - about an hour ago.
If you're hungry, I can get you juice and a bun.
Geoffrey: No thanks.
I think I'll just get something on the outside.
Officer radley: Yeah well, I can't let you go just yet.
Why not? I'm required to ask you a question.
Are you a suicide risk? (laughs) Isn't everybody? Officer radley: Okay, I'm gonna need your belt and your shoelaces, please.
Oh you gotta be kidding me.
Officer radley: I asked you if you were a suicide risk, You did not reply in the negative.
Please, I was kidding, And I just can't take any more humiliation right now.
And I can't take anymore Suicide spectacles in my memory.
That gallery is full.
Now your belt and your shoelaces, please.
Sid, I need backup.
Oh come on, please don't call sid.
I apologize for being sarcastic And I promise you I am not a risk of any kind.
I can see this is upsetting for you.
And I know you have a job to do and all that, but I mean really, am I likely to do something crazy With another guy in the cell.
We can do this the easy way- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
You know, christ isn't a bad place to start When you feel this way.
Hey wait a minute.
What about the other guy? Why don't- why don't you take- You're not gonna take his belt too? Oliver: Well don't you remember, geoffrey? I'm a suspender man.
Better for the digestion.
Oh no.
Oliver: "christ isn't a bad place to start when you feel this way"? Isn't that rich? (laughs) That's not a good position for prison, darling.
Ethmerelda, um Que esta pasa? Some people at the house last night.
There was some troubles - a fight.
A fight? Princess! She's in the back, mr.
Gracias ethmerelda.
Ellen: Mmm! And sloan just came in.
Sloan Right, that one.
Well, it was wonderful for you to call, bassy, And I'm fine, really.
But I would appreciate Some restraint from the press.
Yes, I know you will.
(chuckles) bye bye.
(sighs) I want to know everything.
Oh, honey, there was a party, People got a little drunk, then there was a fight And the police came.
It was nothing, really.
See, there was a fight and you didn't call me? I didn't think of it.
(sighs) but I'm your man.
Of course you are, sweetie.
Wait, who started it? Why? Are you gonna avenge my honour? Fuckin' a.
Oh honey, don't get all worked up.
A bunch of actors were letting off steam.
Everything's fine.
Nothing too valuable got broken.
This is the little pig I bought you in barrie.
Oh I'm sorry.
Oh let's forget about it.
Do you want to go upstairs and have a little snack? You know I want to.
Well, let's go then.
I can't.
I got a race tonight.
Oh god, the moto-thingy.
You know I can't do the deed on a race day, you know that.
Don't call it "the deed", honey.
What about after the race? I could meet you somewhere.
You're not coming to watch? No, I have a late rehearsal.
Why do you want me there? I don't know anything about it.
The biggest hill is right in front of the stands, right? So when I hit the top, I hang in the air for like 3 seconds of air.
I want to be able to look down there And see my lady, you know? I'll see if I can get off early.
But don't be angry with me if I can't make it, all right? I can't be angry with you.
I love you.
It was geoffrey tennant.
He started it.
Fuck! You mean your old boyfriend came to our house To stir up some shit? Our house? Sorry, the fucker broke our pig.
Put it out of your mind, sweetie, you're in training.
Oliver: Well, at least you're not in A straight jacket this time, geoffrey.
'tis a cruelty to load a falling man.
Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Are you dead or am I insane? I don't see why those two thoughts Are mutually exclusive.
Geoffrey: Well if I'm ins ne, Then I'm talking to myself, aren't I? Oliver: And I'm a figment of your deranged mind.
I'd rather be dead, thank you very much.
Geoffrey: And I do not want to be insane.
I refuse to be insane.
That's the spirit.
Geoffrey: So I'm going to assume that you're a ghost, oliver.
It's the only sane thing to do, given the circumstances.
So you're dead then.
If you say so.
All right.
What's it like - "the undiscovered country"? It's not far off from what I expected, really.
Geoffrey: Is it a relief though? It must be a great relief, being dead.
Has death put an end to "the heart-ache And the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to"? Hmm, my knee doesn't bother me anymore.
More than anything I feel forgotten Like an old phone number.
I feel like I'm barely here at all.
Does that make any sense to you? Oh yes.
Death really isn't worth the effort, geoffrey.
A gift from god.
U know.
It's all so sordid.
Oh, come on.
It's not like we got pictures of him getting it up the ass From a tranny hooker.
My god, the life you've lead.
You made the call? Yes.
He's being held for psychiatric evaluation.
Okay, you make sure that the press is there When he's released.
We want more pictures.
Oh and I spoke to darren nichols.
He's very upset, naturally.
Well, he was stabbed.
He wasn't stabbed.
He was twacked on the arm with a prop sword.
He'll barely get a bruise.
No, no, he was viciously attacked and stabbed By a wild-eyed drunk.
That's good.
Anyway, he's very upset at geoffrey Because he thinks that geoffrey Turned part of the cast against him, Which is true, I think.
Okay, you have to fuel his paranoia.
A crippled hamlet will definitely help our cause.
What? May: Richard.
May: I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? No, no, we were just discussing the incident.
May: Yes.
Richard, I just wanted to say that the whole affair Is disgraceful And I can't help but feel responsible.
Oh no, may no.
I encouraged the board to bring geoffrey in.
It was my mistake.
I thought he was more stable.
May, you can't be responsible for the actions of a mad man.
Where is geoffrey now? I think he's being held for a psychiatric evaluation.
Oh good lord.
Well, I'll do what I can to calm the board.
If you need help dealing with the press Oh no, may.
I've got everything in hand.
May: Yes.
Well I Won't waste your time any longer.
Um, thank you, richard.
Holly: Thanks may.
It's a gift from god.
Jack: What about tomorrow night? I can't have sex tomorrow night.
I'm understudying caroline in the cherry orchard.
After the show? Mmm mmm.
Claire's gonna be home and And I'm just not ready To spend the night at your place.
You don't want to have sex with me.
Yes I do, mr.
Okay, how about Wednesday morning after claire's gone? I like doing it in the morning.
Oh shit! I have stage combat.
You're killing me.
Kate: Well, maybe we should have done it last night.
Jack: We could do it right now.
We could roll around on the counter.
And just waltz into rehearsal all smiley faced With hash brown in our hair? People'll never make the connection.
Unh uh.
Dj 1: It was some sort of a riot at a party, wasn't it? Dj 2: Well details are sketchy But it seems artistic director geoffrey tennant- Dj 1: (laughs) a bit of a nutbar Dj 2: Right.
Well he crashes the party In full shakespearean gear- Dj 1: Get outta town! Dj 2: Yes, complete with leotards and a sword.
Dj 1: Oh mama! Dj 2: That settles it kids, stay in and watch tv, Theatre's just too, too violent.
Dj 1: Good one, vince.
Oh my god.
Do you think they're gonna cancel rehearsal? If they do we're screwing at my place.
(sighs) (murmur of audience) Officer radley: How are you feelin', mr.
Tennant? Peachy.
There's a doctor in my office Like to come in and have a little chat with you.
Does he wants to have a little chat, Or is he employed by the city To evaluate the mental state of violent detainees? Take a couple of minutes to prepare yourself, And then I'll let him in.
Danke schoen.
Oliver: Let's hope the doctor's a fan.
Oh no, please.
Not now! Oliver: Geoffrey, I think you should prepare, Just as the good officer suggested.
Oliver, go away.
Oliver: Honestly geoffrey, honestly, I don't think you're insane.
At worst, you're conflicted.
You don't really expect me To take anything you say seriously, do you? Oliver: Why did you attack darren last night? Because I hate him.
Oliver: No, you've always hated him.
All right.
Because he's ruining the play.
Why not just take it over? Geoffrey: I don't want to play this game, oliver.
Oliver: Why did you choose corporate masturbation Over the greatest play ever written? You know why.
Why? Because Because I'm- Because obviously I'm Because I'm afraid.
Oliver: Afraid of what? Of looking like a fool.
I am sick of looking like a fool.
Oliver: Look at you.
You couldn't look more like a fool If you were wearing the cap and bells.
What's your point, topper? What you did last night Had nothing to do with darren or the play.
It was all about ellen.
Ellen? Oliver: You still feel a strong erotic desire to possess her.
You Bite me.
I mean, look at the freudian symbolism.
You penetrated her home and exploded, didn't you? You little horn dog.
It wasn't about revenge or artistic integrity, It was about sex.
Sex, sex, sex.
You're conveniently forgetting That I would not even be here at all If you had not screwed her in the first place! That was something else entirely.
Oh, was it? That was about power.
Oh god, they're coming to take me away.
Hee, hee, ha, ha, ho, ho.
Look geoffrey Resolve your feelings for ellen And everything else will fall into place.
Trust me.
Do you honestly think I could ever trust you? The dead don't lie.
Ah ha! What if you're not dead after all? (sighs) jesus murphy.
Then listen to what's left of your reason.
(snaps his fingers) Geoffrey, dr.
I'll be right outside the door if you need anything.
I'm a huge fan! Thank god.
Holly: Whether he is deranged or not is beside the point.
No, he may have been In complete control of his faculties When he crashed oliver welles' memorial, Or when he slammed the festival Over and over again in the press, Or when he stabbed darren nichols With a sword.
No, clearly the question is not "is he a madman?" The question is, "what can this man Possibly offer our festival?" (murmurings) Holly; now, may silverstone is perhaps the best qualified person To answer that question but um, unfortunately She seems to have forgotten our little meeting.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I put it to you That the biggest crisis facing new burbage right now Is not flagging ticket sales, nor is it changing demographics But frankly, frankly it is a lack of damn leadership! Cyril: Okay, back to the bloody - grindstone.
Frank: I'm glad I'm out of that dreadful cell.
Not exactly the stuff of adolescent fantasies, was it? The whole thing has been dreadful.
That lawyer tells me I'll have to pay a fine.
Here, you don't think I'll have trouble Crossing the border, do you? Ah, not with a clean record, no.
I get stopped every time.
What you? An inopportune fellatio at the '79 royal winter fair.
I've been persona non-bloody grata ever since.
Oh there's a lesson in that.
Well, everyone's gathered for the return of the fallen.
A pint says we lose another day.
They wouldn't send us back home again.
It's hamlet.
We do have to rehearse the damn thing.
Honey, can I give you some advice? Kate: Sure.
Stop it now.
You're making a fool out of yourself.
Kate: (laughs) what? I'm just doing a sun salute.
Look, I know what you're doing.
I've seen a lot of pretty girls Before you try to become players at the festival By blowing the star, or the visiting director Or the designer or whatever.
And it doesn't work.
Frankly I thought you were above it.
(sighs) You don't know what you're talking about.
Oh I do, kate.
If you want to make a name for yourself at the festival? Try being a good actress, Okay? Ellen: Sorry, sorry.
Relax, darren's not here yet.
That doesn't surprise me.
Ellen, I want to apologize for my outburst last night.
You'll have to be more specific.
There were so many outbursts.
About actors being filthy children Who can't take of themselves blah, blah, blah Mmm, yes.
That one.
I'm sorry.
I was drunk.
Maria, don't worry about it.
Anyway, as it turned out Your comments were sadly prophetic.
No need to apologize.
Run and get me a coffee, will you? Double, double, And see if you can scrounge up a couple of biscuits.
Darren: Fuck I can't.
I can't go in there.
Oh darren, pi can't face them.
I've lost their respect.
Darren, you're exaggerating.
They hate me.
Some of them said so to my face.
They were cheering geoffrey on.
Darren, they're actors.
They're dramatic- I'm used to being hated, that's my thing.
Ard! But I can't function as a director Unless that hatred is kept in check By a thin, calculated veneer of invulnerability.
Darren, please.
We have- And another thing I may have cried when I was stabbed.
They may have seen me crying.
Darren, everyone cries when they're stabbed.
There's no shame in that.
Now, come on.
Okay? If the actors attack, you know what to do.
Frank: Here he comes.
Okay everyone, before you begin today I would like to say something.
The last 24 hours have been very difficult for everybody.
And I'm not here to point fingers, However, the reputation of this festival Has been tarnished.
I mean, we've gotten bad press before But never has it sunk to the level of ridicule, And that is something I will not tolerate.
So I want everyone to put this incident behind them, And to focus on the matter at hand And to put on a good hamlet, because that, after all, Is what you're paid for, if I'm not mistaken.
Are there any questions? Who are they? Richard: Oh uh, darren requested them.
They're for your own protection.
(snickers) That's it! I can't continue.
I am not mentally prepared for hamlet at this time.
Richard: All right, release them.
Richard:A: Yes, again.
Everyone's released.
You owe me a pint, duckie.
Sloan: Geoffrey tennant? Geoffrey: Mmm hmm.
Oh! Sloan: Get up, asshole.
C'mon! Geoffrey: Oh yeah.
You would be ellen's boy.
I'm her man, sucker! Uh huh.
And so this would be an ass kicking? Damn right.
Well I think I at least deserve to know why.
Sloan: 'cause you busted up her place, asshole! That right.
And why did I do that? Sloan: I don't know.
Some fucked up crazy ex-boyfriend shit! That's right.
That's exactly what it was.
Fuck, my hand.
It's my throttle hand, too.
Geoffrey: Well can you open it and close it? Barely.
Geoffrey: All right, well it's not broken.
Stop whining.
How's my eye look? Fucked up.
I think you should know that ellen's place getting busted up, That was an unfortunate result Of me kicking another guy's ass.
Sort of like collateral damage.
What other guy? Darren nichols.
He's a director and he said some disparaging things About her in rehearsals.
Disparaging? He said some bad things.
So I stabbed him.
Get the fuck outta here.
With a sword.
Okay So why'd you kick another guy's ass For disparaging a girl you're not even with anymore? Do you love ellen? Fuckin' right.
Geoffrey: Well, if you feel the same way now as I did seven years ago, Then you're gonna spend the rest of your life Kicking other people's asses for her, Whether you're with her or not.
That's just how truly horrible life can be.
Give me a hand.
I've got some ice in my office.
What? For your fist and my eye.
(heavy breathing) Kate: You know what? I did have sex with a star once.
It was in fort mcmurry And he was in a tim horton's commercial.
Jack: Oh yeah? Kate: He was the star at our school.
Jack: I did an arby's commercial once.
Kate: Don't ruin this for me.
Ellen: (screams) Hi.
Ellen: Oh god, geoffrey.
(clears his throat) I'm sorry.
There are so many things To which your pathetic apology could apply.
Well, we could start with the duel.
You mean the riot? I was not specifically responsible for the riot.
The riot was a result of the duel.
I'm on my way out.
Ellen I am making an attempt here to start the healing process.
Do you think you could at least acknowledge that? Acknowledge the empty gesture? Sure, I'll acknowledge it.
I don't remember darren doing that.
Oh no, it's very hard to punch someone in the face When you're crouched in a corner weeping.
Your boyfriend did this.
You sicced him on me.
Well, I like him.
He's going to make a fine man one of these days.
Can I come in? No.
You know, I really didn't get a good look At the old place last night, what with all the hullabaloo, And the swordplay.
Oh look, you repainted.
Said goodbye to the whimsy of the pea-green living room.
Get out.
What else has changed? Still got the big thing.
We got that in st.
Jacob's, if I recall.
Had to rent a truck.
What about the bed? 'ol' ironside still there? I had some of the best times of my life in that bed.
Ellen: That's it.
I'm calling the police.
Geoffrey: Ellen I see oliver Frequently.
What are you talking about? He pops up when I'm distraught, Which is quite often lately.
Anyway, when I was in jail, Without my belt and my shoelaces, I might add, He said something.
He said that I still desire you.
And that this motivates me, Or prevents me from doing certain things - This desire.
I'm paraphrasing.
My god, you are mad.
But not in the way that you think.
Well, I'll uh I'll go.
So you, you You don't see him? Oliver? No, geoffrey.
I just thought maybe because we both loved him once that I don't know how these things work.
I'm sorry for everything.
All right.
I thought I saw him once, last Thursday.
It was the top of the second act of the dream, I was on stage, And I caught sight of someone in the wings.
He was staring at me and I thought, It's oliver.
A chill ran down my spine.
Yeah, of course.
It was the look on his face.
It was so Sad and frightened.
Full of dread.
It put me off for the rest of the show.
Oh I'm sure his expression Wasn't a comment on your performance.
I'm sure it had something to do with being dead.
(rumble of a motorcycle) (horn honks) I have to go.
I have an appointment.
You can take a few minutes to look around if you like.
Just lock the door when you leave.
Ellen: (screams) Jack: (whistles happily) So is "moving target" gonna be a huge hit? Jack: What do you think? I think it sounds like a nice quiet little movie.
Who's going to play dr.
Janna north? Jack: Madonna.
All I can say is wow.
Um, uh what about "montana untitled"? Jack: Oh that one's great.
It's perfect.
Is there a part for you? Yes.
Kate: Is it a good one? A great one.
I want it, But they're probably going to give it to someone else.
Did you have to read for it? Eight times.
It was good, too, best reading ever.
I loved playing the part just in the room.
Kate: I hope you get it.
They're going to give it to someone else.
That's one of the reasons I'm here, actually.
To get some legitimacy as an actor, you know? But playing a part like hamlet, even in canada,s stupid Ups your credibility in the states.
What's the matter? Okay, um claire freaked me out in rehearsal.
She said something What? She accused me of being a player by sleeping with you.
A player? She's one to talk.
It's the cast slut thing.
It's started.
Jack: Yeah well, fuck her.
It's just that if she thinks it Then everybody thinks it, right? You said you didn't care what people thought.
Kate: Well, I guess I do.
And anyway, madonna? You're going to be in a movie with madonna? Jesus christ, you are a star.
She might not do it.
Oh my god, what am I doing with you? Kate: You know, maybe I am having sex with you 'cause you're a star.
Come on.
That's insulting, okay? Kate, claire is just- kate! Claire's just being a bitch.
I just have to think about this, okay? I loved it.
I'll see you at rehearsal.
(mutters to himself) (continues muttering) An after eight Hi, I'm okay now.
Geoffrey: Darren, it's okay.
I've come to do you a favour.
A favour? You're fired.
Thank you.
Geoffrey: You're welcome.
Oh, I am sick of this place.
I am sick of being stabbed.
Geoffrey: I know, I know.
So, what's next for mr.
Nichols? Darren: I don't know.
I might go to berlin.
They understand me there.
Artists are embraced as heroes in germany.
Geoffrey: Yeah, I understand hitler was a fine painter.
Ah, the tennant wit.
It's nice to see It wasn't completely vapourized by the electroshock.
So, you're closing down the hamlet? Geoffrey: No, I'm gonna take it over.
Good, I hope it kills you this time.
It might, but what the hell? Always the hero, geoffrey, the defender of integrity.
It's pathetic.
Geoffrey: Your know darren your problem is You hate the theatre, you always have.
Darren: I don't hate it.
I pity it.
Sad little medium, struggling to be heard.
More people listen to the radio than go to the theatre, And nobody listens to the radio.
Goodbye, darren.
Goodbye geoffrey.
It's was fun.
Sloan: Darren nichols? Darren: Yes? I know the two of you are close.
I feel very uncomfortable telling you these things.
Oh no, please may.
If you think she's being unethical- No, it hasn't gotten to that point yet.
She's convened board meetings without telling me.
That is the extent of her duplicity.
Wait, uh Are you sure she's misleading you? I mean You couldn't have just forgot? You see? She's undermining my credibility.
She's an opportunist, no, richard.
Ant- She's building a power base, but I don't know why, exactly.
Has she mentioned anything to you? No, no.
Geoffrey: Richard May! May: Oh, the trouble you've caused me, geoffrey.
Geoffrey: I know.
I know.
May: I put my faith in you.
I put my reputation on the line- Geoffrey: May, please.
I am a turd, I know that, But I have finally done something.
Something positive.
What? You're going to see a therapist? (laughs) no.
I fired darren nichols.
Oh, god no.
Richard: Jesus christ.
You can't do that.
You don't have the authority.
Really? Well I just did.
He's on his way back to the weimar.
Forget about him.
Richard: What about our hamlet? I'll direct it.
You? That's what you wanted in the first place, wasn't it? That was before you went on a drunken stabbing spree.
Geoffrey: Come on I barely broke his lilywhite skin.
May, may I? Walk with me into the theatre, will you? Cast is assembled, I believe.
Fine, just March out of here.
Leave me with this public relations nightmare.
Because apparently, I'm terrible with the press.
(dials phone) Holly, can you talk? May: I'm glad to see you are focused, geoffrey.
Nothing focuses the mind like the sight of the gallows.
May: Wait! I can't keep up.
Geoffrey: Oh, I'm sorry.
Geoffrey, something is happening.
Oh, uh, come here.
Anna, can you get may a glass of water please? May: I hate to sound dramatic, But I think there's going to be a coup d'etat.
It's That american woman, holly day, And I don't know who else, I'll do what I can to hold firm, And defend the integrity of the festival, But you've laid the groundwork for the opposition, I'm afraid.
Oh I know, I know and I'm sorry.
Go rehearse your play.
Just be prepared for a rough ride.
(laughs) a rough ride? May, we've lost two weeks of rehearsal, The new director is a certified madman And hamlet is an action figure.
It's going to be a god damned death March.
You all right? Yes, dear.
I'm fine, thank you.
It's been a difficult time for everyone.
Geoffrey just fired darren.
Oh god! Oh I have such mixed feelings about that.
No, it's good.
I hate him.
Do you want an asprin? No thanks.
I thought you'd be at the board meeting.
What board meeting? The one in the boardroom.
It started at 9:00? (laughs) oh, yes.
Well, I'm on my way.
Geoffrey: Greetings, actors.
I have news from my planet.
Darren nichols is gone.
He has been sent packing.
You will no longer see him or his post modern, Pseudo-brechtian, leather-clad school boy Buggery of a production design again.
No there will be some of you who will be terrified to learn That I am taking over direction of this play.
There are others who will be thrilled Because you know that in my production There will be little danger Of you stepping in a pile of horse shit.
(crazy laugh) But I think there is one thing That both the pro-geoffrey and anti-geoffrey camps Can agree upon, and that is that my reason May very well be hanging by a thread.
Well my friends, it is my belief That the best stuff happens just before the thread snaps.
So, take out your scripts, let's begin.
And a free read of the play, Sitting, standing, walking, dancing, levitating, And maria, I imagine, we're still waiting for ellen.
I'm here.
Maria, off we go.
All right, then.
Hamlet, act 1 scene 1.
Enter two sentinels.
Nay, answer me.
Stand and unfold yourself.
E? Frank: Long live the king! Cyril: Bernardo? Frank: He.
Cyril: You come most carefully upon your hour.
Frank: Oh it 'tis now struck twelve, get thee to bed, francisco.
Cyril: For this relief much thanks.
Holly: No, we are in this situation because of your bad judgment.
Did you not walk into richard smith-jones' office and say, And I quote "this whole affair is disgraceful And I can't help but take responsibility for it?" Yes, I did say that.
And yet you expect this board to believe That this latest insult, The impulsive firing of a director, Represents a step towards stability? It represents a possible- The fact is, ms.
Silverstone, if you had bothered to attend The previous three board meetings- I was not informed- You would know that the board has taken steps to ensure That it will no longer have to depend on your judgment.
What does that mean, exactly? I'll state it as plainly as I can.
Effective immediately richard smith-jones Will assume the new position Of executive director of the new burbage theatre festival, With full veto power over its artistic director And answering only to this board.
Richard knows this? Everyone knows this, except you, apparently.
I was not informed of the meetings.
Okay, ms.
Silverstone, you were informed By phone and e-mail.
No, I was not! I have been left out of the loop, Purposefully compromised.
You have to realize what is happening here.
This is a plot.
There is some sort of conspiracy to- To destabilize what we have created.
I was here in the very beginning When there was nothing but a tent! Board members: Oh my! Oh my god! Holly: Okay, someone call 911.

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