Solar Opposites (2020) s01e02 Episode Script

The Unstable Grey Hole

[dramatic music playing]
Whoa, hey. Oh, what is that thing?
Oh, don't throw that out.
I can sell that on eBay.
It has an unstable gray hole inside.
You're an unstable gray hole.
- JESSE: Nice. [snickers]
- It's too big for the trash.
I'm gonna dump it behind the Burger King.
Don't, no, I can sell it
and then buy a chocolate fountain
so I can stop making
a mess in the microwave
and you won't have
to yell at me anymore!
Look at the Pupa. I told you
to stop giving the Pupa candy.
He can't eat candy, it gets him sick!
I didn't I don't give him
candy anymore.
Well, he's getting it from someone!
TERRY: God, one time.
[tapping on door]
Oh great, now what.
The homeowners association
is updating the rules again.
"Gardeners need to have marked trucks.
"No RV parking in the driveway.
All spaceships sticking out of houses
need to be painted to match the trim."
- Are you hearing this?
- Ooh, we should totally get an RV.
It looks fine the way it is.
I don't want it to blend into the house.
It's my whole thing,
I'm the spaceship guy!
Damn it! There's a gray hole, Terry!
A gray hole in the house!
If we had an RV, that probably
wouldn't even be a big deal.
'Cause we could just live in an RV.
Stupid HOA, singling us out.
You know, Terry, this proves that
everyone in the neighborhood hates us.
Oh, speak for yourself, man.
I am extremely likable.
I mean, why do you think everybody gives me
more room when I'm walking down the street?
- They're avoiding us!
- They love us.
I think there's only one way
to find out who's right.
- Nanobots.
- Buy an RV.
Nan Nanobots.
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
Until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
and escaped into, uh, the space,
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
This is this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
People are stupid.
I don't understand why people
have so many outfit choices
when you could just wear
a thick, coarse robe.
It's the perfect garment.
Boots and a robe. Easy.
[dramatic music playing]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you
weren't shrinking kids down anymore?
These are adults.
I got a couple litterbugs,
a lady who had 15 items
in the 12-item lane,
and a guy who pronounces schedule
like "shed-jewel."
That's not wall worthy,
that's you being a jerk.
Relax, they love it.
[people screaming]
Ha ha ha, look at 'em.
Seems like somebody needs
to learn a lesson.
YUMYULACK: Hey, little guy!
[dramatic music playing]
- [laser pulsing]
- [alarm ringing]
That's the alarm! Lucky for you, I've
been teaching myself to hack at night
while you've been wasting
your time sleeping.
Alexa, turn off alarm.
- [alarm stops]
- ALEXA: Alarm deactivated.
Stupid Alexa. Always listening.
Hold it right there! I'm armed!
Lethal force!
Zap him with the bone zapper.
- [laser zaps]
- Crap, now it's out of charge!
Bite down on your poison teeth!
Wait, you-you work here?
Yup, yeah, man, it's my third job.
I got three jobs, one, two, three.
- Got the three banger jobs, you know.
- Oh, man, well, that's good news.
You guys just here to jump in
and splash around the water pools?
Yeah, duh, but we also want
to dump microscopic robots
in the town water supply so we can
find out if people like us.
- Wait, what?
- No, it's not what you think.
Everyone will unknowingly drink water
contaminated with our nanobots,
which will harvest all their memories,
and then they'll pee them out
and they'll end up back here.
I think that sounds like
a lot of fun, guys.
Hey, the room with
the big pool of water
that everyone drinks from
is right over here.
- Come on.
- How do you, uh, know this guy?
He sold me a gun.
Be sure to break up the clumps
or they might become sentient.
Hey, man, are you sure
this is gonna work?
Well, it better, each one
of these nanobot cost me 24 cents.
[dramatic music playing]
[nanobots clinking]

Each Mortal Kombat movie
is better than the last.
I mean, they should reboot them.
Honestly, can you imagine how boffo
the box office would be?
We forgot to check the nanobots!
- [door opens, closes]
- [grunting on TV]

- [bird cawing]
- [Pupa groans]
- [caws]
- [Pupa grunting]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it.
How can you be sure you're gonna get
all of those things out of there?
I'm just kidding, I don't care.
I work at the water treatment plant,
I'm not a cop.
Oh, hey, by the way, I got some heroin.
You guys wanna do heroin?
It worked. We have pee-data
on everyone in the neighborhood!
I can finally reduce people to statistics!
Blood type, what their favorite song is,
what percentage gay they are
Ooh! This is how much people like us!
What the hell? Trent from
around the block doesn't like
that I let Pupa go number two on his lawn?
Where the heck is he supposed to go?
Brooke and Diane both think I ask
too many questions at the grocery store.
I'm from outer space!
It's not clear to me why you have
to cook bread twice.
Mitchell thinks I'm too loud!
I knew it! We're unlikable, aren't we?
Is it the sci-fi stuff?
Do I smell bad? What is it?
Looks like people
just generally don't like us!
One guy hates you.
- Who?
- This, uh some dude Tyler.
I don't even know anyone named Tyler.
Ugh, it feels like I'm covered in bees!
Fuck this Tyler guy.
What did I ever do to him?
We-we-we can act different, Korvo.
I mean, we can make people like us.
I need to repair this godforsaken ship.
And if people don't like us,
that will make that job
so much harder in so many ways.
So to be clear: I don't need to be liked,
it's strictly a work necessity.
Well, I need to be liked!
Dang it, have you seen
my shrink ray anywhere?
I'm hoping it didn't shrink.
How ironic would that be.
- I hid it.
- Give it back!
I will, but first I want to prove to you
that humans are mostly
basically good life forms.
For the last couple months, you've been
putting way too many people in the wall.
You need to pump the brakes, mister.
All I have to do is follow
you around? Fine. Easy.
And you have to do all my homework
and laundry for a week.
Hmmm let me think.
Uh, laundry's not my strong suit.
Um, dang it, did you hide my gun
that makes people do what I want?
Yeah, I hid all your guns.
All the blue areas are pockets
where people don't like us
as much as they should.
And over here in this green area,
that marks which houses give out
the biggest candy bars on Halloween.
With a little extra effort, I think
we can up our likability fast.
Are you ready to do what it takes?
You mean sex stuff?
- It's possible. Yeah.
- Then yes.
Then let's aggressively
make people like us!
Shauna, the complete
McNugget buddy collection.
- Here you go.
- Jeremiah, here's a gold bar.
You can put it up your butt.
Carson, it's your son.
He's alive again. There you go. Have fun.
Courtesy of Korvo!
Oh my god, I can feel my legs!
I have legs!
These are kind of hard to control.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No traffic, no traffic!
You're all gonna be early.
Keep moving. You're welcome.
- Everybody's welcome.
- You're getting there early!
You're getting there early!
No traffic today.
- Terry and Korvo.
- All right, Terry, that's enough.
L-L-let's go.
No, no, no, no, no!
[horn blaring]
I don't wanna talk
to Mr. Dutch, he's a dick.
He always eats lunch
alone in his office.
Let's find out why, shall we?
Hey! Get outta here.
I had an extra pudding cup
today, Mr. Dutch.
I thought you might want it.
I don't want any stupid pudding.
I [babbling]
My ex-wife used to pack my lunch.
Ever since we separated,
I've been doing it on my own.
I'm sorry if I've been
kind of a dick this year.
I've I've been going through a lot.
Everyone has shit to deal with,
Mr. Dutch. You hang in there.
Thank you, Jesse.
You know what? Neither of you need to run
the mile in next week's fitness test.
I'll just say you both got six minutes.
See? We were nice
to someone who was mean,
and now we don't have
to run the mile.
That's true.
That's how it panned out.
Yeah, that might work on a sad,
old, lonely gym teacher, but
What about those mean surfer guys
at Fourth Beach?
Ugh, I hate them.
They're always mean to me.
Something tells me that today
might be a little different. Wink.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Are you seeing this, Terry?
It's working! We're tricking people
into being our friends!
Ah, this feels so good, I feel so whole!
We're popular!
Solar Opposites will be right back
after these set of
[stammers] this set of
subsequent advertisements.

And now, back to Solar Opposites.
Unless you spring for expensive Hulu,
then there was no commercial break
and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense
and is probably quite jarring.
Good for you, Mr. Moneybags.
[people chattering]
Phil, I've got a brat
with your name on it.
It's laser engraved
right there in the middle, see?
How's that amicable divorce, A-A-Angie?
Phil, try the potato salad:
your stomach acid will break it down,
and then you'll poop it out in a few days.
Look, this is the best town
I've ever lived in,
and I'm from space.
I should know a good town when I see one
'cause I've been to the moon.
Oh, oh, hey, hey. Don't hide
from me over there, Delvin.
I wanna hear about that dental thing.
Show me those chompers!
You and Korvo have gotten
pretty popular around here, Ter.
Yeah, some people are just
natural unifiers, I guess.
We have the juice.
It's like a little charisma thing.
Charisma action going on.
You guys should run
for the president of the HOA.
Ruth, the old lady who runs it now?
We would be so happy
to see that bitch go.
Some weird guy
with a ponytail just told me
that if we ran for president
of the HOA, we'd win!
Oh my, Terry, do you know
what that means?
We could park an RV in the driveway.
We could make all the rules around here.
No more "paint the ship."
No more "don't build a giant hole
in the middle of the road
to capture children in."
I-I-I could do some crazy
Disney's Blank Check style stuff,
like build a water slide that goes down
under the ground with a window
and you can see the dinosaur diorama
we built down there
and, oh my god,
it would be so awesome.
Everyone would have
to like us, by HOA law.
Which means they would have
to like me digging up dead bodies
at the cemetery and fucking them.
And the only person who can get in
the way is the old lady president. Ruth.
- Ruth.
- Ruth.
BOTH: Ruuuuth.
Terry, no. Let's just go spy.
I don't get it, she's been sitting
on her porch for seven hours.
- Doesn't seem that tough.
- TERRY: It's called stamina. She's flexing.
I'm freaking out. She's the incumbent,
Korvo. They never lose!
You boys want
some peanut butter cookies?
Oh, she's threatening us!
Can you help me get
a blanket down from my shelf?
She's a million years old, man,
she probably knows everything.
How do we compete with that?
We need an edge!
I can update the nanobots,
make them bigger
so they can gather more information.
You're going down, bitch.
[engine starts, tires squealing]
Sorry about the razzing, Yumyulack.
I guess, like, we were so focused
on nicknaming and mocking your nipples
because our buddy JT got
mondo chomped shredding the nar
and had to have
his totes bummer jammed.
I totally understand.
See? They were projecting
their own insecurities onto your nipples.
I would have done the same thing
if you'd been mondo chomped.
Ugh, why are we being nice?
I want to kill this little blue
Yumyulack rules!
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Jesse, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm actually glad
you hid my shrink ray,
because today I learned that people are
only jerks when you're a jerk to them.
Wait a minute, you're not just
pretending to like humans
so you get the shrink ray back, right?
I'm no schmuck.
No way, I genuinely want to make
friends with every jerk in town.
- Yes!
- And I know the perfect place to go next!
Hmm, let me guess.
The guys who work at GameGrape,
the used game store in the mall.
They're always so mean to you,
but I think today
No, way better. Come on!
What? Um, okay, uh,
wait, ooh, uh, oh boy
[punk rock music playing]
- [barking]
- [man grunts]
A-actually, you know what?
We've done enough for today!
- You've grown so much and I think
- No way.
I need to find out
why these guys are so mean.
I bet it's the ex-wife
lonely lunch thing again.
Oh man.
Hey, do we have any scissors?
I'm in a little over my head here.
Shut the fuck up, Terry.
I'm upgrading the nanobots.
Smarter nanobots means more information,
and more information means
there's no way we lose the debate.
Such a good idea. Nothing ever goes
wrong when you make robots too smart!
[ominous music playing]
Well, I'm sure that's the last
I'll see of that.
[ominous music playing]
[weights clinking]
- [whooshing]
- [gasps]
[line beeping]
Hello? If anyone is in here,
the police are on their way Ohh!
Oh, oh, ow!
[Pupa pants, grunts]
[machine beeping]
We know everything there is
to know about everyone in town.
What they want, what their secrets are.
I know things about people
they don't even know about themselves.
Like Todd? His favorite color isn't red.
It's orange.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares,
who cares. What about Ruth?
What is she afraid of?
Does she have any allergies?
- What is gonna take her down?
- That's my one blind spot.
That old withered bag refuses
to drink water.
Of course! Old people only
drink Coke and they never shower.
It doesn't matter. The only thing
we have to know about her is that
she's about to be the ex head of the HOA.
Nothing can stop us!
Ha ha ha ha, Terry, ha ha ha ha ha ha.
[roaring softly]
Okay, look, you all know us.
Me and Korvo, we give you what you want.
If you vote for us, we've got you covered.
You want big speed bumps
that launch your car
in the air like Dukes of Hazzard? Done.
You want a ski-lift?
I already crayoned up the plans.
We can break ground today.
Two words: Internet. Fiber.
Not in that order.
You're getting it!
[crowd cheering]
You're all gonna have
super-fast interneeeet!
You know what?
I kinda feel bad for Ruth.
I bet she dies right
in that chair when we win.
I can't believe we're going
to be presidents.
This is amazing.
President Korvo. Mister Korvo.
Wait, what the hell is that?
Oh my god, no, the nanobots!
[raspy voice] I must speak.
Hey, hey, no, no, no, no.
Don't listen to this guy.
He isn't even really a guy,
he's just a-a pile of robots.
It's true.
I am composed of a trillion microscopic,
self-replicating robots,
but I know [coughs]
that all humans require
[clears throat]
[normal voice] a stop sign
at the corner of Oak and Main.
People speed through there
like they're street racing.
It's got to stop,
and I can make it happen.
- No. What?
- No, no, no, no, no.
I-I-I don't think so, stop the clock.
We already had the debate.
Everyone has to vote right now.
Where did you get that suit?
Take it off.
[audience gasps]
- Uh, it's my suit.
- Gordon, what the hell?
I too thought at first that this
Nanobot Man was some kind of frightening
X-Files type, you know,
monster creature.
But then, he took me
to a nice steak dinner.
KORVO: That's all it takes?
Folks, last thing I want to do is drag
this boring HOA election out any longer,
but I think if you listen
for a moment, I could
whoa, flip your vote.
- [crowd laughs]
- I-I command you to leave this place!
Let's hear him out!
[heavy metal music playing]
Hey, guys, we got pudding over here!
Anybody want chocolate-vanilla swirl?
Man, these guys are real wound up.
This might take more than a pudding cup.
I know, we should probably
just go, right?
You're gonna have to sing them
your friendship song!
[nervous giggle]
I don't know if that's a good idea
- What the fuck?
- Hey, guys, if you think that's punk rock,
wait till you hear my sister's song.
[all shouting]
Interracial love friendship ♪
- Ah!
- Ohh! Ah!
Look, I do think humans
are generally nice,
but to prove that point to you today
I installed microchips
in all of your enemies' heads
that made them nice
when I clicked this button.
But I didn't know about these neo-Nazis,
so it's not gonna work
and I think we're gonna die.
Ah, I told you some people are bad!
You're right! Some people
are really, really bad!
This is just like the movie Green Room!
[both scream]
Darnell, your lawnmower broke,
and they don't make
the gear anymore, am I right?
- [straining]
- [clanking]
There you go, 3D printed on the spot.
And little Elizabeth, born blind.
Let's see what we can do about that.
[machine powers up]
There you go.
I can see all the smells
and sounds! It's amazing!
Seems like your choice is clear:
a vote for Nanobot Man
is a vote for happiness.
The only reason he knows what you want
is because he's been inside your pee.
[crowd gasps]
That's right, Nanobot Man has been spying
on you this whole time.
Do you really want to elect a man
who's been inside your balls
or, or the other stuff?
It's true, I can see it!
I can see everything!
[clears throat]
It's true, I have been in all your pee.
[all gasp]
I didn't want to bring this up,
but they've forced my hand.
Korvo is my dad,
and he built my nanobot bodies.
And he and Terry put me in the water
so they could read your minds
and give you presents.
You can't elect these two liars.
You're not their customer,
you are their product.
We harvest the data for the good
of the community! [crowd shouting]
How else would we know
that Dave needs a new shed
for all his sex dolls?
We can give him that shed!
That's not true! I have sex
with living, human beings!
I love the feeling
of being pressed up against
[shudders] a warm bag of bones
and blood that can give consent.
I know you better than these guys.
I know that Becky buried her Guatemalan
housekeeper in the back yard. [crowd gasps]
NANOBOT MAN: How 'bout that?
That's a big secret right there.
I'm sorry, what? You killed Lupe!
Uh, uh, Jeremy's poisoning
his wife for insurance.
Uh, Lesley Donovan teaches class
while wearing a hidden vibrator.
Samantha is cheating on Michael with Joey!
[Samantha gasps]
What the fuck?
TERRY: Phyllis spent all her kid's
cancer medicine money on a purse.
KORVO: Bobby snuck shit in a pie
at the pie place.
Everyone should be mad
about that.
- Gary has a cactus fetish.
- Robert keyed Leslie's car.
This is all your fault.
You're making everyone fight!
Fuck you, Terry!
- [Terry grunts]
[Neo-Nazis screaming]
- Give me the shrink ray back!
- It's in my dollhouse!
What? You know
what's going to happen right now
- because you did that?
- Yeah.
Now I have to take these guys out
with lethal force!
I'm going to stick
my knife up your Ahh!
[all groan]
[The Blue Danube Waltz playing]
- I don't like doing this!
- I said I was sorry!
It's the suit, not me, it's the suit.
The suit's on auto pilot.
- [screams]
- YUMYULACK: It just does this, sorry.
Maybe, uh, I don't know,
maybe be tolerant next time.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry about that eye.
- Ugh!
- [rifle zapping]
- Damn you, nanobots!
This is all your fault! Nobody likes you!
Take that back!
[gulping noisily]
Ah! Ahhh!
Okay, stop! Everyone stop.
Everyone just shut the fuck up.
Look at yourselves.
T-this is fucked.
I've been living here for 30 years
and we never had any sci-fi bullshit.
You want things normal and regular.
Don't vote for these
stupid ugly Alf-lookin' motherfuckers.
I've had enough. Fuck these guys.
You tell 'em, Ruth!
You're goddamn right I'll tell 'em.
It's fucking bullshit.
I just want to fucking live in peace.
Vote for me, that's all I got to say.
[crowd chanting]
- Ruth! Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!
But I can make free electricity
by harnessing the temperature change
in the air!
It solves global warming! Come on!
A-and I have big ideas for a video
game library that we can all use!
Shut up and go back to your home
in the Abyss!
Not all aliens are from the Abyss!
I don't even know you, who are you?
I'm Tyler, and I think you suck.
I knew it! I knew that was Tyler!
Fuck you! I've always hated you!
Why would we even be from the Abyss?
We have a spaceship sticking
out of the top of our house.
NANOBOT MAN: I guess sometimes
when you gain sentience
and you're full of data about
a neighborhood, you can overreach.
I was just trying to help,
and I ended up hurting
the people I love the most.
I'm sorry, guys. Truly.
I hope you still like me after all this.
Yes, I still like you, Mr. Nanobots.
But you know what?
I'm starting to think
I have to stop worrying
about who likes me.
I guess some humans
are unevolved bigots
who don't know a good thing
when they see one.
Us sci-fi folks need to stick together.
To be honest, I'm proud
that I made such good nanobots
that they tried
to take over the neighborhood.
Now all of you: back in the bag.
We've got work to do on the ship.
But I want to live in a house
and fall in love
and build a recipe folder.
Well, tough. I need to spray you
on a navigation panel.
You know you have to listen to me, right?
Get back here!
You can't just be free! Damn it!
Man, they grow up so fast.
Well, since we lost the election
and everyone's all crazy
high-concept racist now,
I guess that means we better paint
the ship to match the roof, huh?
I'll be painting it
even more silver than before.
I'm going to light it up at night
so Ruth can see it from a mile away.
- But the rules
- It's a $50 fine. I'll eat it.
Yeah, but then people won't like us
- Did you give him candy again?
- No!
Damn it, Terry! He's getting it
from somewhere
and if he's not getting it from me,
he has to be getting it from you!
I don't know, man.
I-I would remember if I did, but
What do you mean you would remember?
If he's not getting it from you,
where is he getting it?
- I don't know okay!
- Where?
- Stop yelling at me!
- I'll yell at you as much as I want.
[Jesse sighs]
I shouldn't have lied to you.
Humans are complicated, but I
didn't think they were so complicated
that they would try to kill us.
After today, I can tell
it's important to you
that I be careful who I put in the wall.
So from now on, I'll make sure that
everyone in the wall deserves to be
Ooh, a guy in a red shirt!
[blaster zaps]
- Wait, but
- Look, I had people in shirts of all the other colors.
I promise we'll use due process
on the next one.
Don't yell at me.
Eh, he was probably a Nazi.
I like humans, but I hate shoes.
Like, how are we supposed
to taste the ground?
I don't know, they don't flavor
their ground either.
- Pff! Weird, right?
- [man screams]
Hey, hey. What's going on here?
Where are we?
W-what is this? What is this?
[rumbling, clattering]
What the hell is happening?
[all screaming]
[ominous music playing]
Oh my god. What is this place?
Wait, why w where are you going?
Anywhere but here!
[all gasp]
[all screaming]
- D-don't hurt me, don't hurt me.
- Empty your pockets.
- Ugh!
- Hey wait, wait, wait, hey.
I don't belong here!
Two little aliens just shrank me down
for no reason.
I'm just a regular guy.
I didn't do anything to anybody.
More Taffy bandits
will be arriving soon,
and the gum boys move south at night.
We don't want to be anywhere near here
when they meet.
Why are they called gum boys?
They love gum.
[dramatic music playing]

Did they make a True Lies 2?
The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
Is there a sequel to that?
[dramatic music playing]

[imitating laser fire]
Previous EpisodeNext Episode