Solar Opposites (2020) s04e07 Episode Script

The Cardboard Dead Drop

[tense music playing]

[wind howling]
Holy tits, it's cold.
These hamster hair robes
aren't doing shit.
Can eyeballs freeze?
I feel like I could pop mine out
and use 'em in a $12 cocktail.
Keep it down, those Bowinian guards
are everywhere.
Ugh, I'm so sick
of all the sneaking around.
We've been here what,
a month already?
Yeah, and we still don't know
who the mole is.
On the bright side,
I guess that means it's possible
they could be one of the Hemsworths.
Oh, I hope it's Liam!
What, are you fucking crazy?
Shh, the mole's in
the upper ranks of the Church.
We would have heard
if it was a Hemsworth.
I don't know, I get a tingle
in my lady business
when an Australian with good teeth
and tight pecs is nearby.
Well, that's probably vaginal bronchitis
from all the snow we keep lurking in.
When are we gonna admit this is a bust?
We walk past this mailbox every night,
putting ourselves at risk
of getting captured by Sisto.
For nothing!
I think the mole's dead.
We just have to be patient,
and trust that
- [gasps]
- LYNETTE: Wait, is that?
The mole was here!
Got it!
By the bow's light, who's there?
It's after curfew, state your business.
Uh, yeah, my friend needed
to warm up her thighs
with a brisk walk.
She has vaginal bronchitis.
I did hear that's,
uh, been going around.
Then why is he here?
Uh, because, I worship
Jesse's, um, the Force,
and I have the pussy cough too?
Did you just cough with your mouth?
[snowball thuds]
[guard groans]
Get them!
Fuck, the package!
On it!
[snowball thuds]
[guard groans]
Let them g-go.
But, Montez, sir, they were out
after curfew and
Did I stutter?
Uh, yeah, weirdly you did.
That's because it's c-cold
as balls out here.
You will not question
my authority again.
Yes, sir, under her bow.
Under her bow.
Good luck, Cherie,
you're gonna need it-t-t.
God, why is it worse
on the c-c-consonants?
[foreboding music playing]

Ow, please stop, please!
I swear to you,
I had no unJesse thoughts!
[whip cracks]
[prisoner groans]
I don't even have
that many thoughts in general.
[whip cracks]
[prisoner groans]
What's going on here?
I didn't order this man tortured.
Make sure you get the other side
after this one's flogged out.
What? Nobody flogs the front,
that's just cruel!
[whip cracking]
[prisoner groaning]
Did you catch that man
speaking out against the bow?
You know how no one really knows
what a bay leaf tastes like,
but every recipe calls for it,
so you throw it in 'cause it doesn't hurt.
I was more of an Uncrustables guy.
I don't know for sure if that heathen
was thinking unJesse thoughts,
but a flogging ensures he never will.
Well, there had to be some evidence
that he strayed?
Not a lick, just a feeling I had.
I am, after all, the only person
Jesse speaks to.
So my instincts are really her instincts.
And her instincts tell me
there are spies amongst us, Montez.
Even if that's true,
isn't randomly torturing your followers
going a little overboard?
Look at what happened to The Duke,
to Tim, to Sister Sasha!
Surrounded by threats that
they ignored, and all murdered!
Technically, Tim died of lead poisoning
from a promotional glass.
They ignored warning signs
and paid for it with their lives.
If Jesse suspects something's off,
I will act on her behalf
to protect this church.
Unless, you have a problem with that?
Of course not, Sister.
PRISONER: Come on, guys,
don't flog my nipples!
[whip cracks]
[prisoner screams]
[suspenseful music playing]
- MAN: Password?
- Onion volcano.
See, told you she would make it.
Yeah, I got lucky.
That was too close.
Bad news first, our mole's package
got torn in the chase.
But the intel
they passed along was amazing.
Check this out.
Ooh, this is from a Dove silky smooth,
the ones with the inspirational quotes
on the wrapper.
"It's definitely a bub "
Ugh, the rest is cut off.
They're like horoscopes for diabetics.
"9:30 A.M. tomorrow,
Sister Sisto touring Don Head."
What's a Don Head?
I found this when I was digging
through the palace trash.
CHERIE: "TMNT Micro Machines
Splinter's Last Shred of Dignity
Playset Instruction Manual"?
Jesse and Yumyulack whined and begged
for this thing for a month.
Korvo refused to negotiate,
but Terry caved, it was a whole thing.
Yeah, and then they got sick
of it after two days.
They must have hid it in here
so Terry and Korvo
wouldn't see it collecting dust.
And of course, Sister Sisto declared it
a divine gift to the Church.
She's planning a big,
self-congratulatory opening ceremony.
The walk-through's tomorrow.
The perfect time and place
to assassinate that bitch.
No way. We're here to rescue Pezlie.
Sisto never leaves
the palace without her.
She could get caught in the crossfire.
The mole knows why we're here.
They wouldn't have given us
this information
if it would put Pezlie in danger.
Let's say we rescue Pezlie
and don't kill Sisto,
she'll never stop coming after us.
Pez would live the rest of her life
looking over her shoulder.
Yeah, the mole wouldn't put
Pezlie in danger.
Okay, but if we're going to do this,
we need a plan.
Don't worry, we'll plot this out
moment by moment
so it's poolfroof.
I just wish we knew
the rest of this Dove inspirational quote.
"It's definitely a bub"?
Bub what,
like Wolverine's stupid catchphrase?
Logan's a man haunted by his past
and it's hard for him to let people in!
Jesus, I was kidding.
Sorry, I failed out of Weapon X
when I was a kid,
so I can get emotional about that stuff.
I want to know what "bub" means too.
Just one more question
for when we finally meet the mole.
"And ye who dare eat
the protein of green M&Ms
shall burn in the everlasting fires
of Yumyu-hell."
That's what Jesse is calling hell now.
Sister Blista, did we take that down?
She whispered it to me
this morning during my wax.
What a blessing it must be
to hear from the great Jesse directly.
It's an honor, and an even bigger honor
for you to be in my presence.
Praise Bow, Sister.
Praise Bow.
Hmm, I, I fear I've written down
one of your teachings incorrectly.
Jesse said all who eat green M&Ms
will burn in hell,
but last week, she said all Bowinians
must eat green M&Ms
as part of a spiritually balanced diet.
The only mistake is trying
to predict Jesse's will.
The Bowble teaches us not to try
and find logic
in her divine choices.
Oh, of course, Sister Sisto.
I, I'm sorry, I knew the fault was mine.
More questions like those
and I'll have to seriously consider
if you're the right Bowinian
to take down my dictations.
Oh, please,
please don't replace me, Sister!
The Church is my life.
Jesse saved me from
the deepest sadness I've ever known.
Next time, if there is a next time,
think before you open your mouth.
Under her bow.
You wanted to see me?
Yes, do you have
the holy bubbles for Jessius?
Of course, Sister.
[water splashing]
[Jesse squealing]
We need to discuss Sister Blista.
She questioned me today.
It must have been harmless.
She's one of
the most devout Bowinians
in the whole congregation.
That's exactly what she'd like us
to think, isn't it?
We need to put Sister Blista on our
Eyes on me, Montez.
Ehh, sorry.
She needs to go on our list
of possible moles.
But if she's on that list, I might
Be forced to mount her
severed head on the Wall?
Yes, is that a problem?
Of course not, anything for Jesse.
Do you want a towel?
No, Jesse's righteousness
doth toast thy titties
whilth her divine light dry-eth thy bush.
Yeah, for sure,
but it's pretty cold in here and
Just give me the fucking towel!
[uplifting music playing]
Under her bow, Sister.
Under her bow, Mr. Montez.
You wouldn't believe how much
I need a hot cranberry,
I've had a day.
Nothing Jesse's light can't brighten.
That's the problem,
I misunderstood one
of Jesse's teachings today,
and Sister Sisto
was disappointed in me.
I wanted so badly to understand,
but, ugh, I should have kept
my mouth shut.
It's not you.
Sister Sisto is troubled
by the teachings of Jesse right now.
For the moment, you should consider
staying away from her.
Ha. I can't!
Sisto needs me.
I'm helping her organize
the opening ceremony
of the Donatello Head.
I think you need to remember
to look out for yourself, too.
But I'm devoted to the Church,
and Sister Sisto is the Church.
Ha, I know.
It's just, please, be careful.
That's all.
Montez, I don't need to be careful,
I am a Bowinian sister.
Jesse's light will always
and forever shine on me!
I know we've been at this for hours,
but this is our last chance to make sure
that there isn't anything wrong
with the plan.
Let's walk through it one more time.
First, we make our way
to the secret tunnel
that was used by the Gumboys Gang
back in the first days of the Wall.
There's a trap door no one knows about
at the end of the tunnel.
We pop the hatch and crawl through
to the other side.
[all groaning]
Shit, it's jammed with Ice Breaker
Peppermint Gum crystals!
It'll be a piece of cake to open.
Fuckin' Gumboys
and their stupid gum!
Ah, shit, those crystals fucked me up!
I bet it's like Candyland down there.
This is gonna be fun.
[Jimmy screaming]
Lyn, suck-soften that gum
while I wrap him up.
We're already behind!
JIMMY: Remember now,
don't have too much fun down there.
We're on a mission.
CHERIE: By this point,
we'll already be through the hatch
and under the Donatello Head.
We'll have plenty of time
to quietly knock out all the guards.
[all scream]
My mouth is fucking shredded.
Hurry, we're behind!
The guards won't be there yet,
so we can take our time
making our chlorinated gas.
JIMMY: The combination of Wow Dip
and hot piss creates the gas.
Just a whiff will knock out anyone.
Stop looking at me!
The guards will pass out,
and we'll head up the staircase,
[Cherie grunts]
[guard screams]
[Lynette and Cherie grunting]
[blows thudding]
[zips up]
LYNETTE: The staircase
leads us directly to the back
- of the Donatello Head, right?
- CHERIE: Yup!
JIMMY: What about the giant bat
that lives down there?
LYNETTE: That's just a stupid rumor
people made up to sound cool, Jimmy.
But what if it's real?
There's no bat down there.
Jesus, don't be a pussy.
[bat screeching]
Okay, fine, but can we pack
a little bat poison just in case?
We have a ton of it lying around,
and it hardly weighs anything.
It's a waste of space,
and it's embarrassing you wanna bring
something so useless.
JIMMY: Fine.
[bat screeches]
[Jimmy gasps]
Plus, it will be daytime,
so even if there was a bat,
it would be asleep.
LYNETTE: Yeah, we'll be fine,
bats aren't diurnal.
Especially not bats that don't exist.
- So stupid. [laughs]
- JIMMY: What's diurnal?
It means active during the day.
JIMMY: Alright, well, you two
clearly know more than me about bats.
I guess I won't bring any
of this bat poison with us,
even though it's really not
a big deal at all.
LYNETTE: Good, now can we
please stop talking about this?
Since it'll never, ever come up?
[punch thuds]
I fuckin' knew there was a bat!
Shut up, hurry!
Oh, great, now I pee?
Ugh, where was that when I needed it?
So after we don't see a bat,
the Donatello Head will be right there.
We'll make our way over to the hinge
and loosen it just enough
so that when Sister Sisto is touring,
we can pull out the screw
and slam it shut,
crushing her like a little bitch.
Who's there?
You're not supposed to be here!
I'm calling the guards!
It's okay, Sister,
we're just a little lost.
Hey, why don't you just forget
you saw us.
[Cherie gasps]
I haven't seen you in months.
What are you doing here?
I'm not Nova anymore.
I was saved by Jesse.
I go by Sister Blista now.
That's my name.
Cherie, we gotta get going.
Nova, I know we haven't talked
since Halk died.
I never should have asked him
to fight those mosquitoes with me.
He didn't want to be a hero.
He just wanted to be with you.
I'm sorry.
Cherie, come on, the guards
Please, Nova.
That's not my name, I told you.
I know you think
the Church saved you.
But Sisto's dangerous,
that's why we're here today.
She's not dangerous!
She told me we can bring Halk back
through the power of Jesse's light!
Oh, Nova,
you, you know that's not true, right?
He's gone.
Yes, but Jesse has a ray.
It can bring back anything
from the dead.
Sister Sisto has seen it.
No, she doesn't speak to Jesse,
nobody does!
She's evil, and she wants
to control the Wall!
You don't have to stay here.
Come with us to the other side,
you'll be safe.
The Church is my family.
This is a test.
Halk is coming back.
Lady, keep it down.
An alien is going to bring
my dead husband
back to life with a ray gun!
Guards, guards, over here!
Hurry, we gotta do this now!
[Sister Blista panting]
Oh, thank Jesse I found you!
Sister, what's wrong?
Cherie's here.
She's trying
to unscrew the hinge
to kill Sister Sisto.
You've got to do something!
Don't tell anyone.
We don't want to ruin this joyous day.
I'll handle it.
Oh, thank you!
CHERIE: Come on, come on, come on,
come on, almost there.
Keep going.
Oh shit, we're fucked.
- Run!
- Onion volcano!
How do you know that?
Because I'm the mole.
But you're the head of Sisto's guards!
Fuck this shit, I say we end him
and get out of here!
I swear it's me.
I set up your safe house
and left that package
under the Sugar Daddy mailbox.
Okay, if you're really our mole,
what's the full Dove inspirational quote?
"It's definitely a bubble bath day."
Bubble, of course!
I couldn't watch Sisto
kill our people anymore.
She's a monster.
Oh, it's really you!
What are you guys doing here?
Sisto will be here any moment
with the child!
You can't trip this hinge!
What, Pezlie's here?
I wrote it on the wrapper:
"9:30 A.M. tomorrow,
Sister Sisto touring Donatello Head
with child, stay away."
Guys, the wrapper was ripped.
We couldn't have known.
No. We did.
We ripped it.
What? Why?
We knew you'd never agree
to the plan with Pezlie here!
Fucking duh!
This is our only chance to kill Sisto.
And if Pezlie goes too,
well, that was a risk
we were willing to take.
That is exactly what Sisto would do!
You're no better than her!
Oh, you don't like us lying?
What about this?
That's different!
Admit it, you're the one who planted
the Mentos-Coke bomb
in the Gameboy!
I saw you toss this
before we crossed over.
I kept it as proof
that you've always been
looking out for yourself.
Well, if I hadn't,
the council never would
have approved this mission.
It's for the good of the Wall!
So is taking out Sisto!
You would turn her into a martyr!
This isn't an assassination.
It's a rescue mission!
[dramatic music playing]
We gotta pop this hinge now.
Uh-uh, not with Pezlie in there!
Stand down, Cherie,
let us make you a hero!
She already is one,
you son of a bitch!
[punch thuds]
Ah, shit!
[all grunting]
Looks like our mole
is more of a chicken.
Well, that was a stupid thing to say.
Fuck you!
Sister Sisto!
You have to get out of here, Sister.
Cherie's trying to kill you.
What? Take the child to the palace.
Hurry, she's going
to slam all of this shut!
- We have to go.
- Where did you get this information?
I saw her!
I told Montez, did he not tell you?!
Montez, that fuck!
Find him, kill him.
[both grunting]

[body thuds]
[all scream]
[both grunting]
[blood spurting]
[Lynette groans]
For the Wall!
[screw thuds]
Oh God, no, no, no!
[debris thudding]

Oh, Pezlie!
Oh God, mom dopamine.
I feel high.
We have to move.
[guards gasping]
We need to put some distance
between us and the guards.
Over there!
Tech Decks!
Can you believe kids in the '90s
used to entertain themselves
with finger skateboards?
In the name of Jesse, stop right there!
Hang on, Pezlie!
[Pezlie squeals]
[dramatic music playing]

[Pezlie squeals]

[guard grunts]
[Pezlie squeals]
[guard grunting]
[cell phone chimes]
Pedro Pascal just left his house!
Sweet, the AirTag is working!
[dramatic music playing]
[Pezlie giggling]
The secret passage
is just past this area!
Frozen lake?
Cherie, stop, stop!
That's a cliff!
[Pezlie babbling]
[Pezlie thuds]
Oh, shit, duh, the glass.
Holy shit, you freaked me out!
I feel dumb, sorry about that.
Hah! We made it. We're here.
You and Pezlie are gonna be okay.
[Pezlie babbles]
What are you doing?
The guards are still chasing us.
Jimmy and Lynette were willing
to let Pezlie die.
The secular side of the Wall
is gonna use her as a political prop,
just like Sister Sisto.
But we can't stay here!
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but the only way that
I can keep Pezlie safe
is by leaving the Wall, again.
But you lived out there already,
you know it's not safe.
Nowhere is safe.
But out there, it'll be us versus nature.
In here, it's us against everyone
who wants to be a duke
or a god or whatever.
The power struggles never end.
Fine, I'll go with you.
No, I'm cursed.
Everyone who follows me
gets eaten or blown up.
I know, but you're forgetting one thing.
It's bubble bath day.
[chuckles] And there's nothing I can say
to change your mind?
- Nope.
- Alright, then let's move.
This little muffin put on 10 pounds
since the last time I saw her.
My arms are fucking killing me.
Sister Blista,
I've been waiting for you.
Your allegiance to both me
and to our one and only holy Jesse
is truly commendable.
My belief in you never wavered.
Under Jesse, all things are possible.
It's wonderful to know
who the true believers are.
The betrayers will soon meet
their demise.
- Did you track them?
- Yes, Sister.
There were tracks leading
to a hidden tunnel in the Wall.
It leads to the heathen side.
Jesse foretold this to me and me alone.
She told me those secular demons
would steal our beautiful baby Jessius.
It hurts to believe that
someone would steal a baby
to use for their own selfish purposes.
But they are devils.
They tried to kill me.
They stole our shining light.
[Pezlie giggling]
Jesse has spoken to me.
She says it's time
to kill every non-believer
on that side of the Wall.
This is a holy war, for Jesse's Light!
For Jesse's Light!
For Jesse's Light!
For Jesse's Light!
[dramatic music playing]
[mimicking laser fire]
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