South Park s19e05 Episode Script

Safe Space

I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind Ample Parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine So, these guys made fun of your weight and made you feel ashamed? Yes, I was just trying to do my job as a food critic, and they all ganged up on me and said I was fat.
All right, why don't you take me back to what happened.
I was in the locker room And I was in my underwear, and these kids walked by.
Then I looked in the mirror, and I thought I looked kind of ripped, and so I asked one of the kids if he would take a picture of m-me, and he did.
And I looked at the picture, and I looked pretty ripped, so later at home, I put the picture up on my Yelp account, And I typed in, "Don't I look ripped?" And I thought people would be stoked on me.
Then this morning, I saw the comments on Twitter, and some people c-called me names and said I wasn't ripped, and they said I was fat, and I didn't have muscles.
Internet m-m-made fu-fun of me and Well, Eric, maybe you shouldn't have put a picture of you in your underwear up on social media Hey! You got a fucking problem, Mackey?! N-no, P.
Principal! Because body shaming is fucking serious, and I'm not gonna allow that shit in my school! Nobody should have to feel that kind of shame.
Okay, sir, looks like your total is $37.
All right.
Okay, and would you like to add a dollar donation to help hungry kids around the world? Oh, uh, no, th-that's okay.
- Sorry? - I'm I'm good.
I'm sorry, you don't want to give the dollar to hungry kids? - Not today, thank you.
- Okay, no problem.
Window's gonna come up and ask if you're helping the hungry kids.
- Just hit "No, I'm not.
" - Oh, come on.
Try hitting it again.
It's the box below the one that says, "Sure, I'd love to help however I can.
" Ah, darn thing.
Most people give the dollar.
I can do this manually.
Look, I give money to charity a lot, okay? Oh, sure you do.
I do! I just don't want to every time I shop for food.
That's completely understandable.
"Have customer speak on the" Oh, okay.
If you can just speak into the voice decoder and say, "I'm not giving anything to the hungry kids.
" I'm not giving anything to the hungry kids.
Okay, that's got it.
So, with the ice cream, the vodka, pizza pockets, and nothing for hungry kids, that's $37.
Oh, don't forget your change.
Look, if I gave money every time I went grocery shopping, I would be Thanks for shopping, sir.
Next, please.
Come on in, Kyle.
Have a seat right there.
You probably heard that Eric here has been dealing with some body shaming.
Well, Eric and I have been talking, and we've decided it's probably best for him to get off of social media.
Yeah, probably.
So, what we're looking for is a student volunteer.
Somebody who can put the things Eric wants up on the Internet for him, and also filter through all the comments and make it more of a safe space for him.
Wait, what? I said you were perfect because you're really good at getting all your schoolwork done on time, s-s-so you'd probably do a really good job.
You want me to run Cartman's Twitter and Yelp account and only give him the good comments? - That's right.
- No.
Kyle, you know what body shaming is, right? How much it can hurt someone's life? All you have to do is check out all the comments, type out just the positive ones, and give that to Eric on paper.
If he doesn't like what people say on Twitter, he can get off.
Okay, Kyle, well maybe you'd like two weeks detention instead.
Give me Give me detention.
- You sure about that? - Yeah, I'll take the detention.
That's two weeks detention for you, bud.
I'll see you at 4:00.
And when we said someone should probably help Eric by filtering out any negative comments, he mentioned you by name.
Is this a joke? I'm not a joke! Nothing funny about this, Testaberger.
- This is a big problem in our country.
- I'm not doing it.
And that's two weeks detention for you.
And so any comments that seem inappropriate or hurtful in any way, you need to delete and not include in your daily report to Eric.
I wanted someone smart and hardworking! - Do I gotta? - You want detention? Well, if I get detention, I'll get grounded.
Then you start today.
Butters, it's your job to make sure Eric has a safe space.
Oh, I'm sorry! Oh, no, my my fault.
Isn't it great having a Whole Foods? This is where I come for lunch every day.
Got to eat healthy to stay fit.
Oh, shit.
It's that guy.
And how are you today, sir? Great.
Uh, listen, before you ring me up, I just want to let you know I'm not gonna be giving extra money to charity, so can we can we just skip that part? Oh, no problem, sir.
They've updated the system so it's a lot more streamlined now.
Find everything you need today? Yeah, thanks.
There we go, and that's Okay, and would you like to give a dollar to hungry kids today? - No, I said no before.
- Oh, that's right.
Okay, there's a picture of a little hungry boy.
Will you just press on his belly? Owww! Owwwww! Okay, that's got it.
So, with the no help for hungry kids, that's $18.
Out of $20 Your change is right there.
Just pull out the sandwich out of the little girl's mouth.
This is not streamlined.
It's just the new change dispenser, sir.
I I-I can't Yeah, she's a hungry one.
You got to pull hard.
The sandwich isn't coming out.
Try putting your foot on her face.
Have a nice day, sir! I was having a nice day.
Eric, hold up.
There you are.
You have my social-media comments? Yeah.
Yeah, right here.
I just finished this morning.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, great.
This is all the Twitter comments? Yeah, and people commenting on your Yelp page starts here.
Okay, nice.
Oh ni Oh, very enthusiastic.
This is so great! Oh, Kyle! You thought me having someone edit my social media would make me look stupid? You should see all the comments I'm getting.
People are actually really stoked on me now.
It's a pretty brutal job sifting through all that darkness.
All right, everyone, listen up.
In order to better understand the negative affects of body shaming we have Hey, Leslie, put a fucking sock in it!! We have a guest speaker today who will challenge our perceptions of physical beauty.
So, please welcome action star and hero Steven Seagal.
You got a problem with me? I'm your worst nightmare.
I have no fear of death.
More important, I don't fear life.
I'm a big action-movie star, and people are pretty stoked on me.
And then I put a picture of myself up on the Internet, and I had my shirt off, and I said, "Do you think I'm ripped?" and some people commented saying I didn't look ripped, that I was fat, and they called me Steven SeBoomBoom, and so then I put another picture on the Internet, and I thought people would be stoked on me, but they said I looked like a fat turd, and they said I wasn't buff.
Body shaming isn't cool, And if p-people shame you on the Internet, You have to make sure that you stay You stay strong, And tell everyone you're proud of how you look.
Like this.
What you find, ahh What you feel now Hey, Seagal.
Listen, that was a really amazing talk you gave to the kids.
Thank you.
I can see that you're in a lot of pain, bro.
I've got someone who I think can help.
So, I want you to do for Mr.
Seagal The same thing that you're doing for Eric Cartman.
But P.
Principal, I really don't have time.
This man took the time to come to your school And help spread body-shaming awareness! I think you can give him a little of your time! Yes, sir.
Find everything you needed today? Yes.
Okay, looks like your total comes to $37.
Would you like to give a dollar to help feed hungry kids? Yes, I would like to give a dollar.
You want to give a dollar? Yes, I will.
Oh, wow! Okay! So, that's $10 for the beer, $4.
20 in chocolate-covered peanuts, $26 in filet mignons, And $1 for hungry kids around the world.
On amount of donation, it will say $10, $20, or $50.
Can you just press the $1 box? Attention shoppers! Somebody just joined the one-dollar club! Giving one whole dollar to help feed hungry children! Here's your T-shirt! Oh, won't the kids be thrilled when they get their piece of that big, impressive dollar! For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellooow He ended world hunger Oh God, that's terrible.
Yeah, no, I'm telling you, Tracy, It's the greatest thing ever.
I'm getting all my Twitter and Instagram comments on paper, And the nasty mean stuff all gets edited out.
Oh, my God.
Yeah! And the coolest thing? Ever since I started using this service, All my followers are actually way more stoked on me! So cool, right?! Butters! What the hell is this?! The last report you gave me has a comment that says, "This picture of you burned my eyes, fatso.
" I'm sorry, Eric.
I-I guess it slipped through the cracks.
I'm overloaded with all the new people.
What new people? I've got Demi Lovato to take care of now, And Lena Dunham just put a picture of her asshole On Twitter and wants only the positive comments.
Dude, fuck Demi Lovato.
She's fucking hot.
She's not being fat shamed.
Am so! But I don't care.
People just have to accept my body the way it is.
Butters, I want this fixed by tonight.
You got that? Okay, Eric.
Amazing grace How sweet the sound This is a place where hope is scarce.
These people are hungry.
Little Jo Jo here might not eat today.
But does that mean it's okay for cashiers To ask us for money while we're in the checkout line? It isn't right, and it isn't fair.
Just 2 dollars a day adds up to 62 goddamn dollars a month If you go to Whole Foods as much as I do.
Nobody should have to feel the shame, the humiliation, Of being asked to add money onto their grocery bill.
Help now.
Let's make grocery stores a safe space for all.
Together, we can make a difference.
Because charity shaming hurts everyone.
You know, if there's one thing I really respect, It's plus-sized models who challenge the idea Of what makes a woman beautiful.
These ladies are gonna be part of a big ad campaign For plus-sized lingerie, and we want make sure They're protected from any harassing comments.
Do I have to, sir? Hey, they're gonna be putting themselves out there, And all I'm asking you to do is go through their social media And delete the two or three comments that are mean.
Principal, I don't think you quite realize How much negative stuff I have to sift through.
I know it's a lot, but I just really need you To help these plus-sized models.
And Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel, too?! Look, bro, You've done an amazing job with Eric Cartman.
You have really turned his life around, And other people deserve to be as happy as he is.
Everyone likes me and thinks I'm great In my safe spaaace My safe space People don't judge me and haters don't hate In my safe space Your safe space Bully-proof windows, troll-safe doors Nothing but kindness in here You might call me a pussy But I won't hear you in my safe space My safe space Bully-proof windows If you do not like me, you are not allowed In my safe space My safe space Look and you will see there's a very select crowd In your safe space My safe space People that support me mixed in with More people that support me and say nice things Rainbows all around me There is no shame in my safe space My safe space Bully-proof windows I am going to tear down your safe space Brick by brick, I shall smash it with glee What? Who is that? You cannot stop me from getting inside I am cold and I am hard and my name Is Reality Oh, no, not Reality! Somebody stop him! I'll take care of him, Demi! Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! You can't ruin our lives, Reality Our safe space will keep you out Drat! We can face almost anything But Reality, we can do without Noooo! Bully-proof windows Troll-safe doors My safe spaaaaaace That was nice.
All right, thanks! Have a great day.
Good afternoon, sir.
Oh, hello.
You might know Steven Seagal.
You want to play with me? And this is Vin Diesel.
Oh, hello, gentlemen! It'd be a really bad idea for you to charity shame me today.
These guys are here to protect my safe space.
That's great! This little piggy went to market This little piggy stayed home This little piggy was in "Fast and the Furious" And this little piggy goes direct to cable And this little piggy just bought $53 in beer and frozen pizzas! Would you like to make a dollar donation to hungry kids today? Amazing grace Look around you.
What do you see? People who are slim, skinny.
But not everyone can have nice bodies like them.
Just imagine it Putting your pictures up on Twitter Just to have some people write comments about your weight.
It happens.
All too often.
But it doesn't stop there.
People also can be shamed for other traits viewed as negative.
Mike here was shamed for not being a good recycler.
And so, together, we have created "Shameless America.
" So no one is ever labeled Tubby.
Bad with tools.
Butter, butter dirty line-cutter.
Let's work together to create a completely shameless America.
Because shaming hurts everyone.
"Hey, Demi Lovato, I bet your vagina has a" Oh oh, God Oh, that's ter horrible! Geez.
Delete that, too.
"I'd like to stick my wiener in those fat rolls of" Oh God! Delete.
"You aren't fat, but my dick is.
" Oh, God.
Ha ha! Aaaah! So, you're the one trying to destroy me, eh? What?! You little shit! Keep me out, will you?! I don't know you, sir! You can't stop me! I'm going to kill you! Butters! What are you doing!? W-well, the man! The man is gonna get me! And some chocolate-covered almonds Vanderpump sangria mix Yeah, I'm I'm a little tired because I'm actually hosting a huge fundraiser for my charity organization.
That I'm sort of the head of.
That's great, sir.
Ice-cream sandwiches Yeah, we're gonna raise a lot of money.
Celebrities are coming.
Demi Lovato has given $100,000 for the event.
Rotisserie chicken Oh yep, got to have that Frank's Hot Sauce.
I just thought, you know, a fundraiser dinner Was sort of the appropriate place to ask for donations.
That's great, sir.
Okay, your total's $37.
And would you like to give a dollar to help put a hamster through college? What?! Did you not hear anything I said?! I'm I'm doing all this stuff! Not a problem, sir.
If you could just press the "No" button, And tell the little hamster he's not going to college.
Just look him right in the eye, sir, And say, "Not today, buddy.
" Actually, my big fundraising gala Is helping put hamsters through college, too.
Oh, really? Wow! Did you hear that, Banjo?! You've got support! Well you have a nice day sir, And thank you so much for being so generous.
You're welcome.
Hey Kyle, you want to see What people on the Internet said about my dick pic? Everyone's pretty stoked on it.
There's more than two people on the Internet! The man! The man, the man, the man, the man! The man! He's gonna get me! He follows me everywhere! Did you see the man?! Butters, what are you doing?! He's gonna get me! Dude, Butters, you're seeing things! Sifting through all the horrible stuff People say on the Internet is making you lose it.
The world is darkness! The man is coming! Dude, Butters! And what color is the little ball the kittens are playing with? Run for your lives, you little The man is coming! Butters, listen to my voice.
The man is gonna get me if I don't stop.
Then stop, dude.
Butters, all this isn't worth it.
Just take the detention, dude.
Yaaaah! All right, everyone, thanks for coming To help raise money to stop shaming and put hamsters through college.
What'd he say? And now a woman who knows about shaming firsthand, Supermodel Gigi Hadid.
All right, everyone enjoying themselves? How's that filet mignon? Good! Really nice! Great! You know, we're all here for a really important reason.
Because everyone should have a safe space wherever they go - Randy! Randy, we've got a problem.
- What? Reality's here.
He's trying to crash the party.
Reality?! Who let him in?! Shit! Our hope is that with your donation Ooh, nice wine, huh? What do you think of that? You know what I think of your pretty flowers? There you go! How do you like that? All right, buddy, let's go.
I shit on all of you! Seagal! Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you! Give me that, you stupid bitch.
What a lovely charity event.
I suppose you're all feeling Pretty good about yourselves, hmmm? What have you done? You've raised $300 by spending $500,000 On Filet Mignon and crystal glasses.
Look at you.
Vin Dipshit You say fat shaming is wrong, So in response you show off your abs.
You're the one fat shaming, idiot! What's the matter with you people? You're sad that people are mean? Well, I'm sorry, the world isn't one big liberal-arts college campus! We eat too much.
We take our spoiled lives for granted.
Feel a little bad about it sometimes.
No, you want to put all your shit up on the Internet And have every single person say, "Hooray for you!" Fuck you.
You're all pricks.
And I've got news for you.
While you've been sitting here trying to feel good, the little boy who sucked all your shit is about to die from it! What? Oh, my God.
What have we done? Jesus.
I-I didn't even think I guess I asked too much of one kid.
Listen, everybody I think there's a way to try and make this right for everyone.
To date, Shameless America has raised over $40,000.
With that money, we are putting more and more iPads Into these people's hands.
With iPads, these people can finally help more Americans Get rid of negativity on their social media.
Oh, thanks, Jo Jo.
I'm shame-free now, and you can be too.
For just $1 a day, one of these beautiful children Will protect you from trolls and make your Internet a safe space.
We won't rest until America is completely shameless.
The world can be brutal.
But Shameless America is going to continue to take steps to make sure everyone has a safe space forever.
Are you sure this is a good idea? Uh-huh.

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