South Park s22e09 Episode Script


1 LES: I'm goin' down to South Park Gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation LES: I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" LES: Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! LES: Come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine [TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS] Oh, boy! This is looking so great! Hey, Dad, the big bike parade is this weekend.
How's it look? First prize is $50.
What are you saying, that our family needs cash?! I'm busting my ass trying to make ends meet! You wanna go live with Kim Kardashian? She's better than me 'cause she's got money?! (BLEEP) you, son! [DOOR SLAMS] Butters really loves that bike parade.
I don't need to be reminded every 10 minutes that money's tight.
[SIGHS] I'm sorry.
It's just this new job.
It can be such a grind.
You work too hard at that place.
Kids these days just don't understand how much their parents break their backs to provide.
BRITISH WORKER: Come on, Stotch! You're driving carpool today or not? Gotta get down factory before the bell! Goodbye, Linda.
Don't let that place work you to death.
Some people say a man is made outta mud A poor man's made outta muscle and blood Muscle and blood and skin and bones A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong You load 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt Saint Peter, don't you call me 'Cause I can't go I owe my soul to the company store I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine I loaded 16 tons of number 9 coal And the straw boss said, "Well, a-bless my soul" You load 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt Saint Peter, don't you call me 'Cause I can't go I owe my soul to the company store I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain Fightin' and trouble are my middle name I was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lion Can't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line You load 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt Saint Peter, don't you call me 'Cause I can't go I owe my soul to the company store You load 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt Saint Peter, don't you call me 'Cause I can't go I owwwwwe my soul To the company store [SPOKES CLICKING] Yeah! Yippie! Hey, fellas! What'dya think? Think about what? How my decorations are coming.
The big bike parade is this weekend.
Bike parade? That's so dumb.
Well, you won't think it's dumb when I win first prize.
I'm going all out this year.
I'll finally beat Larry Zewiski.
Dude, nobody cares about a stupid bike parade.
LARRY: Hey, Stotch! You gettin' pumped for the big bike parade? Yeah, I'm pretty excited, I guess.
Wow! Hey, nice bike, Larry.
Are you gonna be in the bike parade? Yeah, I'm thinking about it.
Come on, girls.
I'll show you my blue ribbons.
Later, Stotch.
Well, anyway I'm gettin' some more things for my bike, too.
I'll I'll see ya, fellas.
[MACHINERY WHIRRING, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] So, this is where all the main boxing and transferring happens.
I'm excited to have you guys working here at the fulfillment center, Mr.
and Mrs.
We didn't really have a choice.
Since the fulfillment center opened, me and wife's coffee business has gone belly up.
Yeah, people are ordering everything online these days.
That's why you'll find a lot of familiar faces working here.
Everything's automated and timed to precision to get people's orders out to them as soon as possible.
This is Josh.
He'll be your section manager.
Howdy, folks.
In these warehouses, there are over one million items, from toothpaste to go-karts, and it's the work of both humans and machines that make the work possible.
Ahghghgghgh! You'll get a message on your device which item to get, then get it to one of our loaders, and the machines do the rest.
[SIREN BLARES] We got another one! Josh! Ahghgh! Ahghghgh! Wahghgh! Hang on, Josh! Ahghghggh! Shut it down! Shut it down! It's not shutting down.
- [WHIRRING] - Ooohhh! [PLASTIC SQUEAKS] Ahghghghghggh! Ahghghghghgh! [THUMP] Whenever there's a workplace accident, you need to fill out a 1081 form.
[CAN RATTLES] [PAINT HISSES] What are you doing? Mrph! Mrph rmhmhm! Mrph? "Wassup" is I thought we agreed bike parades are stupid.
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Don't lie, Kenny! You saw that Larry kid scoring chicks with his bike, heard about the cash prize, and you decided to do the bike parade behind our backs.
I know 'cause I thought the same thing.
Me, too.
Is this really what it's come down to, you guys? Whatever happened to us? What do you mean? It used to always be the four of us.
Now Stan's moved to a farm, I have anxiety, Kenny Nobody really talks to Kenny.
And then there's just Kyle.
We used to do everything together.
What if we did this, like the old days? Four bikes.
One common theme.
We could totally own the bike parade.
- Mrph! - If we order everything online, we can have it delivered tomorrow! We need props, pyrotechnics, the works! Yeah, and we gotta order some bad-ass spokes and those wheel bumpers! I'll start looking for costumes! What theme are we thinking?! Kenny, get on your mom's laptop and start ordering streamers, sparklers, and rockets! Make sure everyone ships Next Day Delivery! This is gonna be just like the old times, you guys! [CELTIC MUSIC PLAYING] IRISH SINGER: Working me fingers to the bone I needs me a drink before goin' home Be back in the morning, pack boxes at dawn Workin' for Amazon Can I get a beer, please? Whatcha got on tap? Amazon, Amazon light, and Amazon IPA.
Gimme Amazon light.
I'm a Prime member.
What the fook are we doin', anyway? Breakin' our backs! Loadin' up forklifts! Gettin' papercuts from boxes! And for what? A measly paycheck that just barely covers our online purchases.
Yeah, well, we should be thankful we even have jobs, huh? Before the fulfillment center opened, we didn't really have anything.
We had our dignity! Everyone! Everyone, listen! Amazon just posted a statement about Josh's accident.
They're calling it human error.
[ALL SHOUTING] "Amazon regrets the recent workplace accident" and is working to better train its workers "so that no future accidents occur.
" - [ALL SHOUTING] - Who do they think they are?! It was the bloody machines! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Okay, hold on, everyone.
I'm sure there's an explanation.
This is what we've been reduced to! We are the backbone that makes the fulfillment center work! Maybe they should see what it would be like if we didn't show up to work! [CHEERING] We'll do it for Josh and so what happened to him never happens to anyone else.
Hold on, guys! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] M-My son has a big bike parade coming up.
I-I can't just not show up to work now.
What's more important to you, Stotch? A bike parade or Josh? A bike parade.
Amazon workers, we are on strike! [CHEERING] [ALARM BEEPING] My stuff's here! My stuff! My stuff! My stuff, my stuff, my stuff! - Morning, hon.
- Shut up.
Stuff? Stuff? Mom, were there a bunch of packages for me? I don't think anyone's getting packages, sweetie.
[CROWD SHOUTING] The Amazon Fulfillment Center has been shut down as hundreds of employees refuse to work.
Customers all over the state are wondering where their Amazon orders are as workers demand more respect and more money.
The uprising started with a workplace accident which Amazon blamed on human error.
Joining me now is the victim of the accident Josh Carter.
And, Josh, how does it feel to have your accident spark so much upheaval? You know, Tom, I think something like this was bound to happen.
There's those at the top who control the means of production, and then there's the working class that enables those means by selling their labor power for wages.
When there's conflict, the ruling class tries to blame the working class.
Can you get out of the box? No, my organs have been compacted, so if the box opens, I spill out and die.
I believe the working class needs to revolt against capitalism and bring about socioeconomic emancipation.
Do you get hot in the box? Ship to address.
About socioeOrder now.
Usually ships in four to six weeks?! I can make my own towels in four to six weeks.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Mayor, you have a visitor.
Not now.
I'm having problems.
But, Mayor, it's, uh, Jeff Bezos.
Founder and CEO of Amazon Jeff Bezos? Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Uh, let him in.
Right on through here, Mr.
Bezos! How great to see you again! How have you been? [THINKING] I wish I was doing better.
Please, Mayor, have a seat.
Oh, thank you.
I guess you're here because of the strike.
We had a deal, Mayor.
You told me this town would be the perfect place for one of our fulfillment centers.
And it has been.
It gave so many people jobs, and I'm not really sure why everyone is so Disgruntled? Dissatisfied? Unamused? Would you like to know why Amazon is so successful? Because the customer is all that matters.
Now orders are going unfulfilled all over the State of Colorado.
That makes us look very bad.
It makes you look very bad.
Perhaps you should no longer be a Prime member.
Please I-I'm trying to get everyone back to work.
I-I'm going to do everything that I can.
Then we have an understanding.
Goodbye, Mayor.
If everyone stays unfulfilled, it will be you who pays the price.
Unfulfilled And now tomorrow's nothing but another day Somebody came and took my hopes and dreams away And now I'm lost And unfulfilled Curtains close All we were a distant memory Somebody just bitch slapped the smile right off of me And here I am So unfulfilled The happiness I knew just got raped and killed And all I am Is unfulfilled Nothing that I have seems like enough All I'm left to ask is, where's my stuff? It's sitting somewhere Unfulfilled Anything? Did you get anything? Mrph rmphm.
[ALL SIGH] I guess it's time to face it.
We aren't gonna get our stuff.
Maybe if we re-order everything and have it shipped to a different fulfillment center There's no time.
Let's face it, we can't be in the bike parade.
No! I refuse to believe we have no other options.
What What did we do before Amazon? Mrph rmh rmphm? I mean, before we could get whatever we wanted, where did we get stuff? At the The m The m-m-m the mall.
- Oh, yeah! The mall! - Rmphm! - [DOORS CREAK] - [RAT SQUEAKS] Guess we haven't been to the mall in a while.
There's nobody here.
There's gotta be somebody.
Look! It's Wiener on a Stick.
[HISSES] Uh, hello? Welcome to Wiener on a Stick.
Are you the only one still at the mall? There are many and yet none.
[CHITTERING, HISSING] There he is! Dad! How did it go.
They voted to keep striking.
There was a run in violence between some of the strikers and corporate.
They've decided to punish us by taking our status.
There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just come out with it then.
We're not Amazon Prime members any more.
Then what are we? Everyone involved in the strike has been dropped down one level from Prime.
We're We're now Amazon USDA Choice.
That's fine.
We'll be USDA Choice I-It's almost as good as Prime.
You're a good woman for saying that.
But you're a bitch because it's a lie and you're patronizing me.
If I win the first prize in the bike parade I'll give the money to you guys.
Please I don't know what else to do.
My family is all that matters to me.
I made a promise to provide for them.
What if we never get what we're asking for from the strike? What if they just get others to do all the boxing for us? [THINKING] See how the worker begins to question his determination.
Without his Amazon Prime status, he fluctuates between being and non-being.
My family has to come first.
Now torn between memberships, the consumer-worker will reason that the strike is pointless.
Prepare a bus.
We must make sure that boxers who wish to box have a safe way into the fulfillment center.
[CHITTERING, HISSING] I think maybe it was a bad idea to come here, you guys.
[CHITTERING] Why have you come to this place? We came because we need stuff.
Do you seek cosmetics? Do you need puppies? - Sample of lotion? - What?! Why, it's lemongrass lavender.
No! [HISSES] No, no, look! We need very specific stuff.
There's a big bike parade on Saturday.
Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! - Bike parade! - Bike parade? Oooh! Bike parade! Yeah, and the four of us are actually doing a group theme.
The changing faces of immigrants in America as told through bicycles.
So do you need shoes? Yeah, color coded specific shoes in four specific sizes.
- Aw! - Aw! What? We do not have the inventory that online wholesalers can provide.
[HISSES] This is a waste of time, you guys.
Mrph rmh rmphm.
Please! You are the only customers we've had the pleasure of assisting since the fulfillment center opened! H-Hold on a minute.
You all stay here 'cause you want to work? It is our purpose.
Our purpose Our purpose - Our purpose - [HISSES] Wait a minute.
You guys I think I have an idea.
REPORTER: A bus with employees wishing to return to work is about to arrive here at the fulfillment center and the strikers are not happy! Also, dozens of Amazon customers have shown up angry customers who wish to be fulfilled.
[ALL CHANTING] We want our stuff! The customers say the boxers need to return to work because the shut down is hurting everyone.
I have a weed business to run! I need my shit from Amazon to make it all work! At what cost, sir?! Do you care that personal worth is being reduced by capitalists to exchange value?! Oh, yeah.
That's typical rhetoric from a Marxist box.
Free trade is not free-dom! Perhaps socialism is the answer! If you pay for shipping, can you go anywhere you want? Here comes the bus! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! [POUNDING ON BUS] [CHANTING CONTINUES] Hey! It's Stotch! [SHOUTING CONTINUES] Ya can't do it, Stotch! Ya damn us all! Don't you understand, it's not about me! It's my son! If those orders get fulfilled, then we got nothin'! He's just a kid! He wants to be in the bike parade! My son's in the bike parade, too! [VOICE BREAKING] He's got little tassels off the back of his seat.
Tiny flags stickin' out the handle bars.
But he deserves more, Stotch! If we don't make our stand now, he doesn't have a chance.
He'll get fookin' third or fourth place or just a fookin' participation ribbon! [VOICE BREAKING] I'm sorry.
Stotch!! [THINKING] It is not as I expected.
Only one consumer-worker broke through the picket lines.
Your townspeople are more stubborn than I thought.
They're prideful people, yes.
Perhaps I should give up.
How I long to return to Bezos and touch butts with my wife.
[TELEPHONE RINGS] Amazon Fulfillment Center.
Uh, yeah, hi.
We ordered a bunch of stuff, and we haven't gotten it.
Yes! Yes, the workers are striking.
We're (BLEEP) working on it! No, that's actually why we're calling.
We know a whole bunch of people who can come work for you.
Is that so? Now those fools will pay! What fools will pay? Oh, no, sorry, um You say you have worker-consumers willing to box? Yeah, but listen We want our stuff.
We ordered a bunch of shit for the bike parade and if we get you workers, we want them to deliver our stuff first.
Very well.
Stay right where you are.
You didn't tell me there was a bike parade.
I didn't think it was relevant.
Everything is relevant when it comes to customers.
VOICE: The history of this world is the history of class struggles.
Alienated from the products of their labor from their fellow laborers, and from their very essence, the oppressed worker will eventually strike back at those capitalists who control the means of production.
We have nothing to lose but our chains.
We will unite in revolution.
And if others try to break through the picket line? Nothing else can be allowed into the fulfillment center No matter what the cost.
We're ready to follow you, Josh.
Then follow me to hell.