South Park s25e02 Episode Script

The Big Fix

1 I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor!" Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine As farmers and cultivators of marijuana, we have a responsibility to society I know we all respect the crop here, and we seek each day to better understand the nuances and legitimacy of its uses.
Let's go weed! Wew! But we growers must face a harsh reality Since the legalization of marijuana, communities of color, black and brown Coloradans, those most affected by the racist war on drugs, have now been locked out of the wealth creation of the industry.
Luckily, the public is starting to understand this unfairness And many people are now talking of boycotting cannabis growers who are only white owned.
Boycotting what? Wait What? We are seeing a healthy and dramatic spike in consumers who demand that their marijuana be grown by those who understand the fight for social equity.
Ugh ahhug The bottom line is this A completely white owned weed business these days just isn't going to survive.
Guys I wanna have kind of a tough talk with you.
We don't really have any black friends, we don't reach out to the black community.
Shelley you never bring any black dudes over.
I mean, Stan, your three best friends are all white.
There's only one black kid in my whole class.
Yes, that kid Token.
How come you never hang out with him? I do hang out with him.
In a group maybe but I don't recall just you and Token ever doing anything.
I've never seen Token here at the farm just like the two of you guys.
Why not? I I don't know.
Randy, stop, we're not racists.
We'd like to think that, wouldn't we? But actions speak louder than words, gang.
I guess I guess I just want you to think about it.
- Uh, hey, Token.
- Oh, hey, Stan.
Uh listen, I uh How're ya doin? Fine.
Um You think your family would wanna come over for dinner? Out at our farm? - It's kind of far isn't it? - Yeah, but Look, Token, I think maybe you and I should hang out more.
What are you talking about? I mean we never just hang out, you and me.
Hey we never hang out just you and me either, Stan! Shut up, Butters.
Look, just will you please just see if your family will come over for dinner? It would mean a lot.
Okay, there we go.
That is a farm fresh hemp salad sourced locally here at Tegridy! Alright, come on, everybody, dig in.
Thank you so much for having us over.
This is really nice.
We've never been to a marijuana farm before.
Well, you know, with our boys starting to become so close We thought we better get the families together! If they're friends then we need to be friends! Huh? Do you mind if I post this? Check out our friends! Randy I hope you didn't invite us here because we're black.
W-What are you talking about? It's just that the past year or so a lot of people have been inviting us over to dinner and then taking pictures of us to show everyone on Instagram.
Oh, that's so lame.
No, we really just wanted to get to know you guys better since Stan is friends with Token.
You know Just out of curiosity Why did you guys name him that? What do you mean? Well I mean, it's just kind of an odd name, isn't it? Like, some people might think you guys naming your son that isn't very cool.
People have a problem with Token's name? Well, I mean other people just think it's a little I mean, come on, I mean, I'm I'm not calling you guys racist, but Why did you name your son that? My husband has always been a huge fan of "Lord of The Rings" and "The Hobbit.
" I wanted to name my son after my favorite author.
But she didn't want to name our son J.
, so we just named him Tolkien.
His name is Tolkien? Yes, you know his name is Tolkien.
- I thought your name was Token.
- My name is Tolkien.
Sorry, I don't think it's that weird.
Tolkien is one of the most prolific, influential writers of our time.
Holy shit, that's what his name means? What did you think his name meant? Would you like to see how we grow and process our weed? You see, it's all about refinement.
Here at Tegridy, we believe the best weed is untouched from the earth So we distill it down to its basic essence.
Over there are our clean out vats and up here we have our first stage drying racks.
Oh, real quick! It all takes about six days from the field to a jar that we can sell.
So What do you think? It's uh, very involved.
It takes a lot.
You know I just had a crazy idea Our boys are best friends now Why don't you come work for Tegridy? Randy, I have a job.
I'm a very successful co-executive of a financial consulting firm.
Oh my gosh I was just saying we could really use a co-executive of financial consulting! Look, I Would it be okay if If I sent you some of our receipts and you could help us financial consult? That's what we do Sure.
Oh, my God, this is amazing.
Here's to the start of something wonderful.
Would you like some free weed? No.
Hey, Stan.
Dude My head is reeling, you're not gonna believe this.
Not gonna believe what? Token's name isn't Token.
It's Tolkien.
Yeah, I know it's Token.
No, no, no, no.
He's named after the guy who wrote "The Hobbit" and stuff! Yeah, I know.
What did you think it was? You knew it was Tolkien like the writer.
Everyone knew it was Tolkien.
No, no, no! No, no, no, no! I distinctly remember Cartman wearing a shirt where he spelled it T-o-k-e-n.
Yeah, dude, cuz Cartman's a [BLEEP.]
Wha Hold on a second! Whatsup, dog.
Dude, Cartman, did you know that Tolkien is named after J.
Tolkien? Well, yeah, I just figured.
Then why did you spell it Token without the "L" or the "I"?! J.
Tolkien has an "L" in it? That's gay.
Who did you think Tolkien was named after? Stan? You out here? Uh, yeah, hang on a second Tol-kien, - just taking a shit.
- Oh, okay, sorry.
Oh, my God I suck This is your mornin' commute, South Park.
Looks like we have a bit of slowing heading into town.
There's like a truck and a couple cars maybe take ya a couple minutes there.
Also, if you're heading out of town on the main road there's a there's, like, a car there, too.
What the [BLEEP.]
? - - Now let's look at the weather.
Weather's looking like we're gonna have a little bit of snow.
And the, uh the What the hell are you doing? Taking shit tons of Tegridy orders.
Sales are going nuts right now.
No why is my face on a billboard?! Because we work together.
You said you just needed someone to help with accounting! Yes, but then You got promoted! I was gonna surprise you.
Don't you see how lucrative this can be? I mean, we make a pretty damn good team in the weed business.
I mean, we are Ben and Jerry We're Ben and Jerry.
- You're Jerry, and I'm Ben.
- I thought I was Jerry.
- No, you're a towel.
- Oh, that's even better.
I told you before that I'm not interested in the marijuana business.
I don't believe in drinking or doing drugs.
Doing dru Do you remember when Bilbo first set out with the dwarves to fight Smaug? What's the first thing they all did? They partied their asses off.
Chip the glasses, click the plates That's what Bilbo Baggins hates And then they certainly had an adventure together, didn't they? Filled with lucrative treasure.
You really think we could make a lot of money together? Ben and Jerry, my man.
Ben and [BLEEP.]
Hey-hey! Stan the man! - How ya doing, buddy? - Okay, I guess The nurse said you came here by yourself.
No parents? I kinda wanted to talk about something in private.
Oh, okay, pal What is it? I think I might be horribly racist.
Well, kiddo You don't normally go to a doctor's office for feeling racist, but tell me what happened.
So there's this kid at my school and he's black.
And his parents named him after the guy that wrote "Lord of the Rings.
" Uh-huh, Tolkien.
Great name.
Yeah well I-I thought his name was Token.
Like Like a black kid that's just there so that like there's a black kid.
Uh huh and how long have you thought that? The whole time! I've thought that the whole time.
Wow - [BLEEP.]
- Huh? You really thought a couple of black people had a child and named him Token? Why would anyone name a black kid Token? - You're a piece of shit.
- No, I was just try You were just going along with the dominant culture of the white paradigm, that's what you were just Get out of my office, you make me sick! I'm sorry! I don't know what's wrong with some people.
I wonder if anyone else thought that this kid's name was Token? Hmm? Anybody? Anyone else just assume his name was Token? Because that's disgusting, and you are the problem.
Doctor? I thought I told you to get out of my office because you seriously make me sick I'm gonna shit my [BLEEP.]
pants right now.
Doctor, please, I don't want to be like this! I'll do anything, just tell me what to do.
Oh, you wanna change? Then I suggest you start doing a lot of reading.
What should I read? And I suggest that when you're reading You do it from the perspective of a black person! The knight Pigwiggen rides on a frisky earwig, and sends his love, Queen Mab, a bracelet of emmets' eyes, making an assignation Old Tom Bombadil was a merry fellow.
Bright blue his jacket was, and his boots was yellow It is told that in their beginning, the dwarves was made by Aule in the darkness of Middle-Earth.
Black puppy and white puppy Play together in the backyard Why can't we? Getting rough with a brand new chew toy Oh, boy Let's all get along We all know that puppies are the same wherever you go - There are good puppies - Mm-hmm And bad puppies When one of them chews a shoe As the owners of Tegridy farms, you are accused of plagiarizing a song for your marijuana company.
How do you plead? Not guilty, your honor.
The complaint says that you asked for the rights to the song "Ebony and Ivory," but when you were turned down by Paul McCartney, you copied the song into something similar.
Not true, your honor.
I've never even heard Paul McCartney's version.
"Black Puppy White Puppy" is a song I wrote by myself on my piano keyboard.
Black puppy, white puppy Playing in the back yard, why can't we? Black puppy, white puppy, playing in the back Guys Lately I've been doing a lot of soul searching.
I've had to ask myself hard questions, because for a long time now, I've misinterpreted some amazing writing.
I've done a lot of reading And I've learned why Sauron built the black gate of Mordor across the pass of Cirith Gorgor, which led into the enclosed plain of Udun.
I've learned that the Mouth of Sauron was once a man, who commanded the orc armies of Gorgoroth and dismissed Aragorn's claim has King.
I think Stan's lost his marbles.
I firmly believe that everyone would benefit from the school making required reading of these books.
Because if we don't fully know about Tolkien, then we can make some terrible, offensive mistakes.
In fact did you guys know that our friend Tolkien, who goes to school here, is named after J.
Tolkien? Yup! Yeah, I knew that.
Why else would his name be Tolkien if it wasn't for the guy that wrote the books? My point is, we need to petition the school to make Tolkien required reading.
To better understand our classmate.
I think maybe we all haven't done enough to make sure that Tolkien doesn't feel isolated and left out.
Guys? Can I come in now? Not yet, Token.
Just another couple minutes.
W-What are you guys talking about? Just a couple minutes, bro.
Black puppy bitch, black, black puppy bitch White puppy bitch, black, white puppy bitch Black puppy bitch, white, black Hey, guys, I've got something really exciting to show you! Ohhhh, buzzkill I had this awesome idea last night and I couldn't even sleep I thought it was so cool Oh, okay, what is it? We do an entire line of cannabis based on all the different races of Middle Earth! We do seven different strains in all, representing the dwarves, the elves, even the uruk hai! Uh, yeah no.
Everyone will think we're dorks! Randy, you seem not to care very much about any of my ideas.
Well, you're just You know, you're just not the idea guy.
I don't seem to be the anything guy.
I thought we were Ben and Jerry.
Alright, look, I'm gonna tell you the truth about ice cream Jerry actually doesn't do shit.
Ben does it all, everyone knows that.
Well, I don't want to just be here like some kind of token black person.
Oh, come on, I'm sorry.
No, I totally get now why you want me around, and I'm not gonna do it.
He doesn't even really sound like a black guy, you know that? Alright, everyone, listen up! We have a special announcement today.
One of our fourth grade students says he's done a lot of work and has grown as a person.
And he'd like to share his journey with you.
Please welcome Stan Marsh.
Sup guys.
You know, I've done a lot of reading lately.
And I'd like to announce that the school has allowed me to declare today J.
Tolkien appreciation day.
These books go so much deeper than the Hollywood movies.
And we see its influences everywhere in our modern culture.
In fact, how many of you knew that our classmate Tolkien was named after J.
Tolkien? But you don't know that "Lord of the Rings" was an analogy for World War II, did you?! And I'll bet you didn't know that there was originally 19 Rings of Power that were forged by Celebrimbor! So there's much we need to understand.
And so I would like to bring up the man himself.
Come on up here.
Tolkien! Come on! I actually don't like "Lord of the Rings" and I don't like "The Hobbit.
" Just cause my dad's into that stuff doesn't mean that I am.
I've always hated that my name is Tolkien, but I didn't really have a choice, did I? So please, whatever you do, just don't draw any more attention to my name.
I can't stand any of it.
It's a bunch of nerdy, jive-ass dragon shit.
Stanley, are you feeling any better? Nope.
Not any better, mom.
Well Your friend Tolkien came over to see you.
He's downstairs.
Tolkien is here? Hey, Tol-kien.
Oh, hey, Stan.
What are you doing here? Stan Are you okay? You've just been acting kind of strange the last few days.
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm No I'm not Tolkien I have something I have to tell you.
This whole time.
I thought your name was Token.
Like the token black person.
Wow Yeah.
Wow Why would my parents name me something that means the only black person? I don't know.
So I understand if you don't wanna be around me anymore.
Well, it's not like I really have a choice.
That's why I'm here.
My parents just bought the farm across the street.
- What?! - Yeah, out of the blue, my dad was just like, "We're going into the farming business!" And we all just picked up and moved.
Oh, my God, this is great! Mom! Dad! Guess what?! Tolkien's Family bought the farm across the street! We're neighbors! Oh, that's great! Yeah, that's really cool, boys Wait, wha-a-a-a-t?! What the hell's going on? Oh, hey, Randy.
What'dya think of the new place? Credigree Weed?! How stupid is that?! Credigree isn't even a word! Oh, hello We'd like to buy a little weed.
It's our anniversary! Well, there's really good weed across the street! Tegridy weed? Yeah, we're just We're looking for something with a little more street cred.
Yeah, a little more cred! Well, ya'll came to the right business, cuz this shit is hard.
Oh, oh! He didn't even talk like that before! This guy is a total phony! Now just come across the street, and I'll show you some real nice weed made with Tegridy.
These people don't even belong here.
Wow, bro you're a racist piece of shit.
Can we see what you've got, please? Hell, yeah, we got all kinds a shit Lemme give you a sample of my Rivendell Elvish Magic They stole it! They stole my idea! - Who did? - Those dickheads across the street! They took everything I learned about using black culture to make a bigger profit and they're doing it themselves! Get this little prick outta my house! - Dad! - Get him outta here, he's a spy! Hey, [BLEEP.]
face! I don't want your kid over at my house, you got that?! Hey, man, what's your problem? You want a war? Well, you got one! Game on, asshole! Game on, mutha[BLEEP.]
Everyone back in the house.
Come on, let's go.
- But dad - Shut up! The story of young Stan Marsh might seem incredible, but the fact is many people suffer from unconscious biases.
If you or someone you know might have also thought the name Tolkien didn't come from J.
Tolkien, then please call 1-800-I AM A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT.
Because you are the [BLEEP.]

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