Southland s04e05 Episode Script

Legacy

[ dramatic music plays ] Aah! Let me go! After 20 years on the job, Officer John Cooper has been wondering how his fellow officers will remember him, but right now the only thing he can think about is hanging on.
The one Gonzo pulled on Anderson That was legendary, man.
I've heard.
I've heard.
Man, that guy was dead wood on the missing persons desk.
But, man, could he pull off a prank.
What's up? Where is it? Where's what? Your wife Asked the same question.
My towel.
Where's my towel? I-I don't know.
- I haven't seen it.
Fischer, have you? No.
Jones? Not me.
Really? We got roll call in 10 minutes.
You know what? Actually, I think I saw it by your locker.
Yeah? Yeah.
Oh.
You're assholes, huh? You better start peeling.
Yeah? You're way out of your league, Sherman.
Oh, really? Yeah.
You better watch your six.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
- Numbers are in.
- Guess what.
Since the early release of nonviolent offenders to comply with the federal court order, violent crime has gone up.
Shocking.
Yeah.
So over the last three months, we've averaged Should have shot them all right out of the gate.
Same's been said about you.
- Whoa, whoa! - Hey, hey.
Hey, brass ain't happy, either, okay? So we got to hustle out there, get the numbers down.
Got aggravated assaults jumping off on Hollywood and Cherokee, as well as the 1100th block of Vine.
So, let's up the visibility in those areas, all right? Now, before everyone rolls out, I just want to take a moment.
I want to recognize Officer John Cooper.
in the Los Angeles Police Department.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Hey, hey.
This lazy S.
O.
B.
punched out 10 years ago and forgot to tell the city.
Actually, it'll be 22 in April, Sarge, but, uh, well, that figures, doesn't it? Hey, Sarge, when's the department gonna start passing these things out on time? Oh, it's not my gig.
You can take that up with the service pin person, okay? Hey, I'm gonna run a tab over at O'Malley's in honor of Cooper, all right? Hey, the first round's gonna be on Dewey.
That's right.
All the coffee you can drink! All right.
Roll out.
Be safe.
Let's go.
How's it feel to be number seven? What do you mean, seven? I looked you up.
You're the seventh oldest guy on patrol.
I prefer "most experienced.
" that's a long time to be lugging that 15-pound Sam Browne all over the place.
Time flies when you're having fun.
Fun? More like futile.
You don't like it, take the sergeant's test.
I am.
Move up in the ranks, get off the streets.
Really? Yeah.
I wanted to before.
I just, uh -- I got sidetracked.
Sure you're not gonna miss all this? Hell, no.
Every day is a new day.
You know what? I'm not leaving till I get six stripes.
Six? Plus one day.
Good luck with that, gramps.
Morning, partner.
Morning.
Got your usual.
Mm.
No, I'm not really hungry.
Oh, yeah.
That first trimester is rough.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? You might as well drink ripple.
Caffeine's not good for the baby.
Do you always make it a point to stick your nose in other people's business? Ah, so you are.
What next? You're gonna make some offensive statement about women and PMS? I ain't crazy.
Yeah.
You are crazy.
Robinson.
Oh, yeah.
Let me, uh, write that down.
Okay.
Got it.
All right.
We're on it.
Home invasion went sideways on the West Side.
Mm.
Yeah, let me go to the bathroom before we go.
Morning sickness.
Mm, mm, mm.
Gets better after week 16.
You know what? Take your time.
He will still be dead when we get there.
It is too early in the morning for all of that.
- I'm trying to go to school! - Get in your room! I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be! Go to your room! No, you're not who we want you to be! Don't say that to him! Hey! Police! We got a call that there was a disturbance here.
We -- we didn't call the police.
No, your neighbors did.
Yeah, they -- they won't let me go to school! Just be quiet.
Is that true? We're looking into other schools.
I'm not transferring! Yes, you are! Yes, you are! Go! Get in the back! You don't -- you don't care about anything! All right, all right, everybody, just relax! Just relax.
Stop it! Is there something wrong with the school? No, there's nothing wrong with the school.
He's the one with the problem.
He -- he's -- he's texting nude photos of himself to other guys.
He said he liked me.
Okay, I didn't know he was gonna send it all through the school.
You -- you really think this is how I wanted to come out? How could you be so goddamn stupid?! Just stop it.
I mean, weren't you thinking!? Stop it! I was thinking! Stop! You're not going back there.
Hey! I got to deal with this, mom.
Okay? No more hiding.
No, honey, we don't want to see you get hurt.
What are we supposed to say to our friends at church, huh? Screw them! I'm your son! Okay.
All right.
You.
Hey.
Come out here.
Can I come inside, please? I-I mean, do you have to? Well, I don't have to, but I'd like to.
What's your name? Mike.
Mike? You got to calm down, Mike.
All right, no.
They're trying to process this, okay? Yeah.
I knew they'd freak.
Are you sure you want to go back? You on their side? No, I'm not on their side, all right? What you do in your bedroom is your business.
But you can be who you are without making yourself a walking target.
High school can be tough.
How the hell you know? Michael, get back here! I'm going to school! No, please, don't go, Michael! Okay, just let him go.
C-can you -- can you stop him? Can't arrest him for going to school.
There he is.
Call in for air support.
A36.
Show us in pursuit of a late model BMW Orange and black on Central.
This is it.
Here.
Shit! Oh! Oh! Shit! Didn't see that coming.
Sheriff's lot truck was stolen last night.
It was found in the parking garage in the 909 this morning.
Anything missing? Nothing too serious, just a couple of machine guns.
Someone's gonna have their junk in a wringer over that one.
No shit.
Man.
Something going on over here.
Oh! Officers, thank God you're here! They took him! Okay.
Okay.
Miss, you're gonna have to calm down.
What's going on? My son was kidnapped.
Okay.
Okay.
What's your name, ma'am? Mary.
Okay, Mary.
What happened? It was last night after dinner.
J.
C.
was praying in the garden and then -- and then they just -- they just stormed in! Who did? Who did? Judas and -- and -- and guards.
Judas? Yes, he betrayed him.
Okay.
And J.
C.
stands for? Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ is your son? Yes.
You must be very proud.
I am.
I am.
Have you looked everywhere, ma'am? Please, please help me.
Help me.
Please.
We're gonna help you, ma'am.
We're gonna help you, but you got to calm down.
Have you checked inside the dispensary, ma'am? I would check there first.
And then I would go home, and I would wait.
Thank you.
Bless you.
Bless you, ma'am.
Looks like he got blown away.
Start asking questions.
Hey, fellas.
Anyone know the victims or see what direction the suspects went in? Any of you guys see who was driving the car? Got a color? No? Any description of the suspects? White, black, Hispanic, anything? Why don't you just get the hell on out of here!? Who said that? I did! Yeah? What's your name, sir? Wendell Banks.
You got a problem? Yeah, I got a problem.
Nobody here seems to care about the victims or about stopping it from happening again.
I got a problem.
Nobody seen shit, man.
Yeah? Well, I hope you know how to duck, 'cause these fools are coming back.
Thanks for your help.
Crackhead.
Morning, Carlos.
What do we have? Justin Rogers.
Shot one time in the head.
Hmm.
Who discovered the body? Dad.
After he got back home from the gym.
Any signs of forced entry? Broken glass, front door.
- Any witnesses? None -- for now.
We've got guys knocking on doors.
What about an alarm? Wasn't on.
Looks like Justin was sitting in this chair when he was shot from behind.
Check out the blood-spatter pattern on the desk.
Mm.
Spot here -- there's no blood.
Hmm.
Desk computer? Yeah.
The wires to the modem are gone, too.
Where's the father? The living room.
What time did you come home from the gym? UhAround 7:30 a.
m.
I ate breakfast and, uh, read the paper.
When I went to take a shower, I saw the broken glass by the front door.
You didn't see the broken glass when you came in? No.
I, uh I use the back door by the garage.
When I saw the glass I went to check on Justin.
Before you went to the gym, did you see or talk to Justin? He usually Sleeps late and doesn't come down until after I'm gone.
Anybody else have keys to the house? No.
Uh, the cleaning lady -- she doesn't come in till the afternoon.
Justin was always there to let her in.
Does Justin have a job? No.
I took care of him.
Uh You saw all that stuff in his room.
Did you notice anything was taken? Looks like Justin's computer is missing.
N-no.
He, uh He destroyed it about a month ago.
Why would he do that? He wanted an upgrade.
I told him no, so he threw it in the neighbor's pool.
He was kind of Stuck in life.
It's nobody's fault but mine.
I'm sure you did your best.
I think that's a division record.
Sorry.
I can't just whip it out anytime like you can.
Besides it takes a long time To take off all my gear, and I like going at the stations because the bathrooms are clean and they always have toilet-seat covers.
And to think that someone said men were bad listeners.
Officer Tang.
Bobby.
You get my letters? Yeah.
You need something? I wanted to say thanks.
For what? Not killing me.
I deserved to die, and I'm alive because of you.
Yeah, well, I need to get back out there.
I have a gift for you.
There's a lot of dudes in prison doing push-ups with my name tattooed on their backs.
Let me tell you, what you and Bobby share -- Oh, now, that is something special.
Ugh.
So, where'd you two lovebirds meet? No, it was an A.
D.
W.
call.
We roll up.
Bobby had shoved his girlfriend's head through a fish tank.
Then he comes at me with a shovel.
I draw down and fire.
I was aiming for center mass, but I missed, because, you know, I was ducking from the shovel.
He thinks I did him a favor by shooting him in the leg.
Could have saved the taxpayers a lot of dough, you get that shot off clean.
Yeah, well, Bobby went to jail, started writing me letters.
Let me guess -- found God, got off drugs.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Guys like that never really change.
Come on, now.
Now you're just being cynical.
Bobby's gonna write a couple of children's books and get nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Oh, God.
Guy gave an Academy Award- winning performance.
Him? What about you? "I'm sure you did your best.
" The sympathy card usually works for me.
See, the glass in the house was broken from inside out.
Computer got trashed a month ago? What about the blood spatter? Something was on that desk when his son got shot.
Yeah.
When we get back to the station, call the cable company and check the activity on the modem.
See if dad's story checks out.
How about our victim, huh? still living at home, freeloading off his dad.
You got to cut the cord at some point and let them off into the real world.
Mm-hmm.
"Mm-hmm," what? You live at home, right? I got a job, and I paid off the mortgage.
It's a totally different thing.
Look, I'm hormonal, and I got a gun.
Don't mess with me.
Hey, I'm just -- you know, I'm just -- just joking.
Yeah.
What are you doing here? I'm here to file a complaint on you.
For what? You called me a crackhead.
What? I don't do drugs no more, and I don't like being disrespected by guys like you.
Hey, let me ask you something.
How long have you lived in this neighborhood? Born and raised here.
Yeah? And how many -- how many shootings or dead bodies have you seen? A few.
"A few.
" And how many times have you come down to the station to tell us about what you saw? Hey, you called me a crackhead! Look, man, I'm sorry about that.
Y-your fingernails were dirty, you smelled like a sewer.
You know, you looked like a crackhead.
You look good now.
I been clean two years.
I got my chip.
I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry if I offended you.
But nothing around here is gonna change until people start taking a stand.
That's how democracies work.
Okay? It's not just on us.
Man, are you crazy? Snitches wind up in ditches.
How many of your family or friends have been hurt by the crap that goes on out here? Every time you stay quiet, you're disrespecting their memory.
When are you gonna stand up and do your part? Hey! Word on the street it's Smiley.
You been able to track down Smiley yet? Seems to have disappeared.
Maybe Dopey, Sneezy and Grumpy told him we were coming.
What? It's funny-ish.
Hey, Yazmin.
Thank you.
What's up with her? How am I supposed to know? You tapped that ass, didn't you? Jones, come on, man.
Just 'cause I -- World is your oyster, isn't it, Sherman? Hey, you know what? For the record, for the record, badge bunnies are predators.
I don't go after them.
They come after me.
Well, have fun sowing your oats now.
But when it comes to picking a wife, you need to choose wisely.
Yeah, no kidding.
'Cause before you know it, they'll have half your pension.
Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
Really.
Ben, can we talk? Yeah, sure.
I'm pregnant.
It's yours.
You got to go talk to her, man.
Go.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know what to say.
What are we gonna do? Are you sure it's mine? Yes.
'Cause it was only the -- the one time.
I'm just saying.
Oh.
I got you, dumbass! You I got you.
- Some terrifying shit.
- Oh, yeah! I got him.
Are you kidding me? Oh, my That's some scary shit, man.
Thank you, Yazmin.
Okay.
Thank you.
So, the coroner's report estimates that the victim's time of death was 9:00 a.
m.
Mm, see and dad said he got home from the gym at 7:30 a.
m.
mm-hmm.
Things ain't looking too good for big daddy.
Log from the cable company shows that Justin's modem went down at 9:08 a.
m.
So, he lied about destroying the computer last month, and the blood spatter shows that it was probably on the desk this morning.
Thinking daddy took it? Yep.
Where we going? Get a search warrant.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, it's Eddy.
Great.
I guess rehab didn't work out.
Sir! Sir, come out of the fountain, please.
What up, fuzz!? Come on out, man.
Come on out.
Come on.
Come on.
Hell, no! I ain't going nowhere! Come on, man.
We got to talk to you.
Here.
Come here.
- Come here.
- Man, you ain't catching me.
You can't catch me! Really? You're gonna make me run after -- Hey! Yeah! Yeah! He's all yours, man.
Oh, thank you.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come back.
Come back.
I ain't going back! Come on, man, really? Come on, man.
Don't get on the car.
Get off the car.
Man, get off -- you can't catch me! You can't catch me.
Get off the car.
Man! All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, buddy.
Should we tase him? Come on.
Come on.
Come down.
Come on.
Hey, man.
Come down.
Come on down.
Let go of me! Let go of me! Y'all know who I am?! The next person to get a ride in the back of my patrol car.
Man, I'm Hollywood royalty! Back in the day, my grandaddy was one of the Munchkins in "The Wizard of Oz," dawg! Last time I checked, none of the Munchkins were black.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Let go of me! Any available unit, we have shots fired on the 3200 block of West Adams Boulevard.
Standby for additional info.
Trip.
Unit to handle identify.
Right around the corner.
Yeah.
A36, show us responding.
Where y'all taking me!? Off to see the wizard.
Damn! Detectives? We have a warrant.
We need to come in and take a look.
What happened? The crackhead got shot.
He's not a crackhead.
So I say to the guy, "look, you -- you freaking -- "you scaled a wall, you ran across the field, "you slid headfirst into second base in Dodger Stadium in the middle of a game, right, "on the freaking big screen.
"So, yeah.
Yeah, you schmuck.
I think it's gonna interfere with your disability benefits.
" We don't catch the smart ones.
Man, just when you think you've seen everything, you haven't.
Even after 22 years.
Hey, Coop, when you planning on punching out? He says he's not leaving till he gets six stripes.
You know what's crazy about that is this bastard will probably do it.
Well, we're all gonna die, right? When you guys are working security at Knott's Berry Farm, I'm gonna still be out here having fun.
Hey, best FTO I ever had was a guy by the name of Jack MacFarland.
Mm, I knew Mac.
He was a hell of a copper.
He gave 32 years of service to this city.
He had three major surgeries from on-duty injuries, burned through a few wives, took 28 days once for an excessive-force complaint.
Yeah, gangsters were looking to cash in on that L.
A.
P.
D.
lottery then.
I'll never forget the day he retired.
I watched him walk out of Central Division in his civvies.
Some patrol cops were coming in, getting ready for their watch.
They didn't say shit, man.
They just passed him by.
That was that.
Couple months later, he ate his gun.
That's a real uplifting story, Dewey.
I'm just saying, man, the only legacy a cop can hope for is being mentioned by a couple of guys standing around a barbecue, talking about their last caper.
Hopefully, you're included in the conversation.
Any available unit, handle a possible jumper at 7320 Flower Street.
Jumper is on the top of the building.
Unit to handle identify.
A57, show us responding.
- Never fails.
- Roger.
Oh.
Check it out.
Hmm.
Oh.
Mr.
Rogers, you're under arrest.
I need you to stand up.
Hey, buddy.
I'm Officer Cooper.
Don't come any closer! Mike? Mike, it's John.
We met this morning.
I got to tell you, buddy You got more guts than me.
I'm I'm afraid of heights.
Please, just -- just -- just let me do this.
What's going on? M-my dad was right.
I-I shouldn't have gone.
The kids at school do this? They dragged me in the bathroom, p-put all this crap on me, and kicked my ass.
You didn't do anything wrong, Michael.
You're not the problem.
They are.
H-how could I have been so stupid? I know this is really hard, Mike.
I know it, man, but you got to hang in there.
No -- no one will care if I'm gone.
My -- my parents will probably be relieved.
No.
No.
You're wrong, Michael.
Everybody cares.
People care.
That's why we're here.
Everything is If it was Mike, I'd tell you to do it.
All right? But it's not.
It will get better.
You don't know! I do know! It's gonna get better! I know, Mike.
You're gay? Yeah.
You're just s-saying that so I won't jump.
No, I'm not, Mike.
This isn't the answer.
You're better than they are.
Stronger.
And you can't let them win.
You got to fight, Mike.
You got to fight every day.
You don't want to do this.
Come on, man.
Thank you.
Mike! Ugh! Mike! We got you! Mike! Come on, Mike! Okay, Mike.
You're gonna be okay.
All right? You're gonna be okay.
Tech guy said this was a pain in the ass to get into -- had all kinds of passwords.
Oh.
S&M porn and bondage-and-torture websites.
Lot of guys are into this crap.
Yeah? Is that your thing? I'm more of a girl-on-girl kind of guy, if you must know.
Okay.
That's no reason to kill anybody over it, though.
Yeah, well, maybe dad felt differently.
Doc says he's circling the drain.
Again.
Detectives found Smiley.
Um, they have him in custody.
They think he shot Wendell, too? Maybe, but they want -- they want us to get Wendell to make an I.
D.
I need you to do it.
Me? Why? He knows you.
But he hates me.
He -- he filed a complaint against me, remember? Now I got him shot.
He's tubed.
He can't talk, right? Just tell him to squeeze your hand if Smiley's the one that shot him.
Can you please do that for me? Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
He was 6 when my wife died.
He'd scream and rage, hit, bite.
I couldn't control him.
The nannies They all quit after just a few weeks.
So, why didn't you do anything then? I was hoping it was just a phase, that he'd grow out of it.
But he didn't.
I should have done something when I saw the dead animals.
He killed pets? Neighbor's cat.
When I saw the pictures on his computer, I panicked.
I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore.
What was on the computer? Pictures of Of women Who'd been killed.
Naked.
Horrible.
I started looking around his room to see what else there was.
What'd you find? He had a duffel bag.
There was an ax and a saw, a gun, duct tape, garbage bags, chains, handcuffs.
That must have been upsetting.
I brought him into this world.
So he was your responsibility? I couldn't let him hurt someone.
He was my burden.
What did you do? I ended it.
I shot him.
What's gonna happen to me? You're gonna be admitted for a 72-hour psych hold.
That stuff you said to me on the roof -- it's true, right? Yeah.
It's tough being a gay cop? I got a lot of problems, kid.
Being gay isn't one of them.
Thank you.
Michael.
Oh.
Where's dad? You take care, kid.
How's he doing? He's got a long road ahead.
Well, you're never gonna make it to 30 years if you keep hanging off the side of 10-story buildings.
I'm just giving the city their money's worth.
Squeeze my hand.
Come on, Wendell.
Squeeze my hand.
We got Smiley in custody.
All you got to do is squeeze my hand.
Come on, Wendell.
He can't.
He's paralyzed.
He ain't squeezing nobody's hand anytime soon.
Paralyzed? I thought Mr.
Banks was shot in the face? Banks? Officer, you're in the wrong room.
Mr.
Banks is down the hall.
Yeah.
Thank you.
"Squeeze my hand.
" "Squeeze my hand.
" "Squeeze my hand.
" That was touching.
That was touching.
Hey, man, if it makes you feel any better, old Wendell just had a flesh wound.
You guys.
Call you back.
Uh, Los Angeles pig department.
Why am I being pulled over? You were driving 55 in a 35, sir.
What about the other cars that were speeding? License and registration, please.
I-I mean, don't you have any more important crimes to investigate? I mean, what about those gangbangers bringing all their third-world corruption into this country? My job is to enforce the law, which you were breaking.
The city just wants money off the ticket.
You know what? Listen up, numb nuts.
I've been working these streets for a long time, all right? And I've never pulled over anyone where they said, "thank you, sir, for citing me.
"I was speeding, "and this isn't the first time I've done it.
"I'm really, really sorry.
"I've learned my lesson.
"You know, and I am just relieved "that I didn't run over one of those pedestrians that I failed to yield for.
" You're just trying to make some kind of quota.
Quota.
All right.
I want you to listen to me.
Are you listening? Mm-hmm.
In my line of work, people are always trying to give me advice about my job.
You ever tell your dentist which tooth to pull? You ever tell your mechanic how to fix your brakes? Do you? No.
No, you don't.
So quit trying to tell me how to do my job! License and registration, please.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It's that simple.
Yeah? Yeah, I'll let him know.
Sherman, you should have seen the look on your face.
Priceless.
People will be talking about that "squeeze my hand" prank for years.
Yeah.
I hope you ladies learned an important lesson today.
Oh, yeah? What's that? Pranking is an art form.
You need to leave it to the pros.
Oh, all right.
Okay, Shermy? Yeah.
Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
What the -- What the -- whoo! - Precision.
- God.
Hey, Sammy, smile for the camera, baby.
You have something to say? Since when did killing your kid become an option? It's not the first time in history.
Dad thought he was doing the right thing.
Yeah, but to shoot your kid in the back of the head for something you were afraid he might do? There were plenty of options he could have looked into for Justin.
Like what? Psychotherapy.
Uh, what? Medication, even institutionalizing him.
Nah, his dad probably knew deep down inside that none of those things would help, thought it might hurt his child a little bit more.
Whoa, so you're saying you would have done the same thing? No.
Hell, no.
But, you know, as twisted as it is, as a dad, I can kind of understand it.
Look, your children are a reflection of who you are -- your successes, your failures.
People deal with that burden differently.
You'll see.
See what? Well, you said that you were hormonal, so, I just thought -- All women get hormonal.
Well, congratulations Just in case.
Looks good on you.
Good night.
Remember when we rolled up on that guy who shoved the plunger up his ass? I loved that guy! "I swear to God, officers, I fell on it.
" Right? Hope he got splinters.
When was that? It was like '98? No.
It was, uh -- it was '99.
It was just after Staples Center opened.
Man, where's all the time gone? Man, I don't know.
Hey, we're still standing, brother.
Right? By the grace of God.
Oh, yeah.
He's starting with his A.
A.
stuff again.
Hey! Hey! To Cooper! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Let's have another round! Another round, ladies! Come on, you guys! That's it.
I'm done.
Oh, come on! Nope.
I had a long day.
Gonna rack out.
Hey, you're not serious.
Absolutely.
Officer Cooper It has been a pleasure, sir.
I love you, man.
I know you do, asshole.
And I mean that.
See ya, Coop.
Man, I have been through some shit with that guy.
- Yep.
Thanks for coming, brother.
Hey, John! Let me walk you out before he starts 12-stepping us.
Thanks.
For what? For this.
It was nice.
It's important to celebrate people while they're still here, you know? Yeah.
Hey, I got some news.
Um I didn't really want to tell you before.
I didn't want to ruin your party.
Okay.
That jumper kid, Mike? He He got someone from the hospital to remove his restraints, and he jumped off the 14th floor.
Yeah.
I know.
It was on the radio on the drive over.
You didn't say anything.
What's to be said? He was determined to jump.
It's just a waste for his friends and family, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, am I upset that another gay kid decided to check out because of some ignorant punks? Yeah.
Absolutely.
But I got him off the building, didn't I? That's what I was supposed to do.
I can't worry about what happens to them after I leave them.
It's hard not to.
You know, if I had, I never would have made it 22 years.
Good night.
Good night.
Hey, John.
I really hope you make it to 30.
Plus one day.
Plus one day.
- Coop! - Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Coop! Hey, whoever's got the best Cooper caper, I'm buying rounds for everybody, okay? But you got to beat this one.
All right? One night, Coop and I, it's like 2:30 in the morning.
We're rolling down Alameda.
We cruise up on this bus stop and we come across the biggest, meanest, nastiest crack whore in all of Newton.
I swear to God.
Nasty Irene.
You remember her? Yeah.
This bitch cannot stand Coop's ass.
We pull up and she starts going at him -- "nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee" -- right from the top.
All of a sudden she stops, stares him in the eye, and says, "you got any breath spray?" You know what he does? He reaches in his pocket, pulls out his mace And blasts that bitch.
Nothing ever lasts forever everybody wants to rule the world