Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s01e02 Episode Script


Ah, yes, to be or not to be
a Rouge or peasant slave as what you see
a boy who loves his mother's knee
Greetings. I am space ghost.
You just saw zorak when he was
guest-starring on gilligan's island
back in the sixties.
Hey, zorak, that was pretty good.
I'm a dues-paying member of the screen locusts guild.
Zorak's been bugging me bugging me. Get it?
to get these guys on the show, so tonight, we have 3 getaways
from gilligan's island.
That's castaways, you s you whatever.
Ha ha ha! Bugging me.
All righty. My first guest is space ghost?
- What?
- Space ghost?
What, zorak?
- Space ghost?
- What?
- What?
- What?
- What?!
- What?
You know, zorak is a locust.
Locusts are known to swarm about and
leave their shells stuck to trees.
They carry diseases like a fly.
They are evil, green, and occasionally played the heavy
in late seventies films.
My first guest is gilligan himself.
Welcome Bob Denver.
I'm ready.
Citizen Bob, you have a book out:
Gilligan, maynard & me.
Tell us about it.
Well, it's a book about one character I played,
maynard g. Krebs, on a series called dobie gillie, and then
it's about gilligan and all the funny things that happened
when I was shooting, you know, both shows.
Citizen, could I affectionately call you gilligan?
Ha ha ha!
- Sure.
- Fine.
Gilligan. Yes, I rather like that.
- Well, good for you.
- Ha ha!
All righty.
When you did the Harlem globetrotters
on gilligan's island, did you think
the writers had gone far enough
with the idea?
I think so. I think it was like the
crowning achievement was to have
the Harlem globetrotters on gilligan's island.
I see.
You were on that island for 15 years.
How did you recharge the batteries for that radio?
- It was a tv show.
- You know, we knew that.
Um, we didn't believe we were
really on an island, you know, so
but you can fly, like you did on the show, correct?
Oh. Well, you know, I guess and that to be
or not to be song.
You really sang that, didn't you?
No. I'm afraid I can't sing it.
No. No, I can't sing it. Sorry.
What are you, too important to sing it now?
You got a cookbook like Mary Ann?
Oh Sing the to be or not to be song!
To be or not to be that is the question that I
That's as far as I can go.
I'd have to get my book out and look up the words.
We have a clip from that, but we're not going to show it.
Ha ha ha! Say To be or not to be,
that's Shakespeare, isn't it?
Yes. From Hamlet.
Don't you think Hamlet would have been
funnier if they were stranded
on a desert island?
- No, I don't think so.
- Oh, I do.
Well, I think it's up to, you know, your taste there,
you know, Mr. space ghost.
I mean, I think it's just good the way it is.
Hey, listen to me.
I'm talking Shakespeare with gilligan.
Package for space ghost.
Oh, look. It's from zorak.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!
- Heh heh heh!
- Ha ha ha!
You just keep it up, zorak.
Space ghost, we're back.
I don't care that we're back.
Zorak, I'll blister your butt so bad Space ghost.
We're back.
Moltar, don't these cameras have
those little red thingies on them?
- No.
- Well, they should.
My next castaway played Mary Ann.
Please welcome dawn Wells.
So far so good.
Welcome, dawn.
Bob Denver says gilligan's island wasn't real.
What do you say?
- That's true!
- It's not real.
Get out!
Overwhelming, isn't it?
What's overwhelming?
The fact that the show wasn't real.
No. I mean, overwhelming.
What does it mean?
Uhit's an adjective.
It, uh, means extreme or great.
It means you're an idiot.
I see. So, dawn, what have you been up to?
Mary Ann's been writing a cookbook,
A gilligan's island cookbook.
I call it recipes and reminiscence.
Does Mary Ann have any recipes for Tina Louise humble pie?
Ha ha ha!
Not a lot of that, no.
There are some Tina Louise recipes, however.
Some ginger snaps and a few of those.
What's Tina's problem?
I don't think she has one.
I just don't think she's real happy with,
um, always being connected
with gilligan's island.
I think Tina's more serious about a
dramatic career than a comedy career.
- And who isn't?
- Dawn, which episode is your favorite?
I think the one to do, to film, was the it was a Dr. Jekyll
and Mr. Hyde episode, and I got
to be an eliza Doolittle character
with a cockney accent.
But I think the one I like to watch most was the Hamlet.
Zorak was in that one, remember?
Oh, yes.
He's a locust.
Sexy kind of guy.
Gilligan and I were just talking Shakespeare.
What do you think about that?
That's an odd conversation.
- Ha ha ha!
- Coming from the two of you.
Do you think kids named mobley are secretly planning crimes
against the world?
And you wouldn't know unless somebody told you that people were
thinking that, so space ghost.
What now?
I am the lone locust of the apocalypse.
Think of me when you look to the night sky.
I will.
Dawn, you seem so nice, it must be my birthday.
So when you were added to the opening song, how did you feel?
Oh, thank God!
Actually, it was a political thing.
We weren't ostracized and kept from that at the beginning.
It was Tina Louise's contract was signed before ours,
and it said that, you know,
nobody could be after her so there goes
Tina again, causing problems.
- You're good.
- This is fun.
Yes, I am.
Tell us some behind-the-scenes stuff.
Give us the dirt.
No I don't think there was
anything really juicy that went on.
No funny anecdotes?
There's a cute little story about my teeth.
Ha! Ha ha ha!
Ho ho ha ha ha ha ha! Ah ha!
Ha ha ha! Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- Ah ha! Ah!
- Oh ho!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ahh. Ohh.
Whew! Boy.
Oh, brother.
- All righty.
- How about your book?
What's your favorite recipe?
Homemade raviolis.
Say, now that's Italian!
Can we come over for dinner?
Yeah! I can bake chili and everything.
How about zorak and moltar?
- Oh, boy.
- I don't know.
- Then it's a date.
- We'll see you after the show.
Ok. Ha ha ha!
Space ghost?
IHave to potty.
You should do that before the show.
What are you, a child?
No. I am the lone locust of the apocalypse.
Think of me when you when I look to the night sky.
Yeah, right.
Moltar, is the Professor ready?
Uh, yeah.
Russell Johnson.
He played the Professor.
Hmm. Russell?
I wore the two little teeth next
to your front teeth were shorter
than my teeth are.
And I didn't want to grind down two good teeth and put caps
on them, but they're very expensive
and they're very thin and they're
very fragile, and lots of times if
you leave them in, you make a mistake
and drink coffee and chew them up.
So th is what you're up to.
Prepare your hiney for another blast from the spank ray.
Warm seat.
- Enough.
- Let me entertain you.
- -
- Space ghost Roll 'em.
Mmm. Classic zorak.
Me in courtship.
Bill, I respect you.
How about love?
Yeah. That, too.
Me in gilligan.
You didn't leave any larvae on my chair, did you?
Hold on, Russell.
Need to get situated here.
Ahh. Ok.
Do you have enough air?
- Ha ha ha!
- I have enough oxygen, thank you.
I am comfortable, space ghost.
Ha ha ha!
Good. Russell, everybody has books.
Tell us about your book.
I have a book out called here on gilligan's isle.
It's, uh, concerns my time on the island.
So you really were on that island.
Bob and dawn claim it wasn't real.
I had to think about that. Uh No. It wasn't real.
Sure it wasn't. This is all a conspiracy.
No conspiracy there.
Quick! What is pi?
Pi are square.
Some people think they are round, but they are square.
Russell rhymes with muscle.
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Ha ha ha!
Anyway, next question, please, space cadet.
- Space cadet?
- Ha ha ha!
Sing us a song, Russell.
Here on gilligan's isle, hey
All those years, and you forgot the words?
I'm sending them to you telepathically, yes.
Don't you get that, space man, space master?
- Are you getting it?
- Yeah?
I'm getting it, all right.
We're way out of time.
Thanks for joining us.
Listen, I'd like to ask you a question.
Go ahead, earth boy.
Are you related to beavis or butt-head?
- You can't say "butt"
- On this program!
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