Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s01e03 Episode Script


- Greetings.
- I am space ghost.
Welcome to the show.
Appearing with us on this episode
will be the comedienne, Judy tenuta.
And the dissident, Dr. Timothy leary.
Say hello to my band, zorak and the original way outs.
Let's get started.
Please welcome stand-up comedienne, Judy tenuta.
Welcome to my show, citizen tenuta.
Oh, hello.
How was the transport to the ghost planet?
Are you comfortable?
Oh, I would be a lot more comfy if
I could sit on you, space ghost.
You should be my furniture.
Heh-heh. Judy, what is your true form?
Tell me your secret identity.
Space ghost! Then it would not be a secret.
Come closer to the goddess and I will tell you.
- No, not that close.
- You cannot possess me.
No. Oh-h-h-h-h.
I am the goddess of the galaxy.
Also known as rue mcclanahan.
Yes. The golden girls.
I love the one where they all eat contaminated geritol and die.
Zorak, that's not one of their episodes!
Well, it should have been.
Judy, what sort of superpowers do you possess?
Sometimes, I get possessed.
I get possessed by others, like Cher.
Oh, no. Here she comes.
Ohhhhh. If I could turn back time.
What does that do for you, space ghost?
I see you have your accordion.
I command you to play it.
Space ghost! The goddess does not take orders!
No! Take that back, take that back.
Get on your knees and beg me.
No, I think not.
Ok, I'll do a song for now.
Oh I love space ghost, he's a hot stud
yeah polka ha ha ha ha.
Judy, tell me.
Is there anything you admire about me?
Oh, space ghost.
I love it that you're invisible, and that you don't eat my food
because you're a cartoon character.
You know, like my big, fat roommate, blow-sanne.
Hi, Judy.
He-e-e-ey. I want that donut and stuff.
It sounds like you have many friends.
Do people want to be your friend because you're so famous?
Space ghost, you must remember one thing.
Friends are just enemies who don't have the guts to kill you.
Judy, are friends just enemies who
don't have the guts to kill you?
Yes. Friends are just enemies who
don't have the guts to kill you.
Listen. Are you ever going to play Vegas?
That's right.
And I'm engaged to zigfried and Roy.
- And I get to be the husband.
- It could happen.
Maybe you and I could go to Vegas, visit the Elvis chapel.
- Yeah, that could happen.
- My hormones are slam dancing.
I think I have to sing about it.
Space ghost, space ghost
he's got muscles that you can't see
space ghost, space ghost
and he can count to 3 space ghost she digs me!
Can you handle it, hog?
Is he gone?
Let's get out of here.
Hey, Jack.
How are the kids, Jack?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Where'd everybody go?
- He's pathetic.
- Ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hello? I've got to find these guys.
We'll be back after a word from our sponsors.
All right, we're back.
As you know, I got my start in show
business doing action adventure.
To keep with that tradition,
I have a few rare clips that moltar has found
back in the vault.
The good people of earth call them "blooters".
That's "bloopers", space fool.
Oh, how I hate you.
Now, there are some days when it seems like nothing goes right.
Roll the clip.
- Space ghost!
- That was my car!
Oops. Sorry, Mr. landis.
- Moltar, stop.
- I am embarrassed.
Too bad.
Ah ha ha ha!
Hey, how do you turn these things off?
- Unplug me!
- Unplug me!
- Enough, you fiend.
- Cut it out!
Space ghost. Can I ask you something?
Why are you so stupid?
Stupid? Who was waiting for you
clowns when you got off the elevator?
You were.
All righty. Our next guest has
been called Uncle Tim, the guru of
psychedelic utopians.
Please welcome citizen Dr. Timothy leary.
Welcome to the show, Dr. leary.
Do you have enough oxygen?
Turn on his mic.
We all make mistakes.
Just make that your last, moltar.
- Yeah. Whatever.
- Heh heh heh.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Now, Timothy. Tell me.
What is your secret identity?
I'm an outlaw, I'm a counterculture person,
and that's where I like to be,
out there on the front lines with my friends.
What sort of superpowers do you possess?
Oh, flood your eyeballs, overload
your earballs, I'll give you patterns
and swirls of color and making you
feel better and better, yeah
The power of using light to enhance
consciousness and to alter consciousness
is the tricks I'm using now and
so far they're legal, space ghost.
Now, Tim, people depend on me to defend
their planets and save millions of
innocent lives from impending doom.
What do you feel people expect from you?
Uh, Richard Nixon called me I'm proud of this, space ghost
he called me "the most dangerous man alive"
and I tried to be as dangerous to him as I could be.
Mmmmm Uh, outsiders like me a lot because,
uh, I've given the man fits
and so I got a lot of friends out there.
Let me ask you one thing.
Are friends just enemies who uh, anyway, I fly, you don't.
I'm a superhero, you're not.
That's all right.
You must be in awe of my extraordinary powers.
I agree. You're my idol, and I hope in
my next incarnation I'll be floating
up there with you, space ghost.
Yeah, whatever.
Thanks, Tim. Come see us again, won't you?
Oh, no.
Ok, that's it.
Let's go get some tacos.
- All right.
- Ha ha ha ha ha.
Space ghost You have an incoming transmission.
Well, who is it?
It's Ashley judd, space ghost.
Ashley judd? I thought she was next week.
All right, put her through.
- I'm famished.
- Greetings, Ashley.
We're hungry. Would you like to run out and get us some tacos?
Not particularly.
Well, then, could you whip us up some?
I can bake really good chocolate pies.
- Tacos, Ashley.
- Tacos.
You know, Mexican.
We're out of here.
You're welcome to join us at the taco bonito.
Zorak on the wand.
I can bake really good chocolate pies.
So, uh, anyone watch Seinfeld last night?
Was it a repeat?
There is something on your cape.
Has it been there all night?
It's not that noticeable.
How ya doin'?
All right.
Good, good, good.
Zorak, are you sure you know where this restaurant is?
Whoops, wrong floor.
I think it's the next one.
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