Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s02e03 Episode Script

Girlie Show

I'm space ghost.
Big whoop.
Tonight we present a special theme show--
an all-star spectacular
tribute to
Our special guest women are "nanny" Fran drescher;
that "hello, Dolly" herself, Carol channing;
and horror rock and roll riot girl Alice Cooper.
It was my idea.
My idea was much better.
I told you, zorak, we are not doing
a musical tribute to Jack klugman.
But klugman is terrific.
Klugman is dynamite.
Klugman is klugman.
Enough, zorak.
Didn't I give up on us appearing in women's clothing?
Ugh. You bloody fool.
Sore loser.
British imperialist swine.
Tax-and-spend democrat.
Jive Turkey.
Big baby-- baby mantis.
Am not.
Anyway, it's my show, so what I say goes,
and I say we salute women.
How about a tribute to-- shut up!
Shut up!
Hey, I heard that.
Zorak, that wasn't my patented theme music.
I'm on strike.
Stick it to the man.
Uh-uh, zorak.
This is a nonunion show.
To With your show, you.
I'm on strike.
Hey, pal, watch the gutter language.
This is a woman's show.
Speaking of women, moltar has whipped
up a little something on them.
Roll it, boy.
Down in front.
Now, that's entertainment.
Time for our first woman.
Hope my breath's all right.
Welcome, citizen nanny.
Oh, hi.
Ooh. She's a little ViXen.
But what did you say before the word nanny?
Why, I--ahem.
I, uh, said citizen nanny.
Oh, citizen nanny.
Oh, hi. How are you?
Ha ha ha!
You know, I'm having trouble hearing.
Can you hear me now?!
It's too loud.
Sorry. Moltar!
Turn it down.
It's too loud.
That's much better.
Moltar, I swear-- I know. Sorry.
I--I think that's better.
What? Jack?
Now I'm deaf in one ear.
That voice-- that bewitching voice.
That nanny needs a lozenge.
Nanny, may I ask you some questions so I can hear more of your
enchanting voice?
Um, well-- all righty!
I'm going to ask the pretty nanny questions.
Steady, boy.
Keep cool.
Ask her about klugman.
Uh, tell the show about us, nanny.
Ha ha ha! Am I supposed to answer now?
Uh, yeah.
Ask me the same question.
Oh, dear. I can't.
Besides, I forgot it.
Uh, think, tad. Think!
How many times has Jack klugman been on the twilight zone?
Incorrect. Moltar?
Uh, one?
Sorry. Johnny, tell them what they've won.
They've won diddley squat!
Yes, diddley squat, one size fits all.
Tons of uses.
It's diddley squat. Zorak?
Space ghost.
I've got it.
Nanny, do you nanny for radio-controlled robot children?
Ooh. Dumb question.
Radio-controlled robot children?
Let me try another question.
You know, arsenio hall used to give out Nice gifts.
Ha ha ha! Nanny, please.
Ha ha ha!
We'll just let that one go since you're so adorable.
Thank you.
Not you, zorak.
Sorry, nanny.
He's just jealous.
I'm not jealous.
I'm on strike.
Man, he's annoying.
You obviously enjoy being in that
kind of love/hate relationship.
I don't love zorak.
I love-- Can it be?
Do I love the nanny?
Ha ha ha!
Zut alors!I do love the nanny.
I can feel it deep inside, in my icky stuff.
Every fibre, every iota of my magnificent being feels it!
So will this space ghost fella
tell that nanny girl he loves her?
Will the nanny feel, you know, likewise?
Will that bug meet that actor fella he always talks about?
And the other one, what's with him? Ah, who knows?
Hey, hey, ho, ho.
Space ghost has got to go.
After lunch, we'll marry in a simple ceremony.
She'll grow to love the ghost planet after a while.
Hey, hey, ho, ho, space ghost has got to go.
Don't mind him, dearest.
Labor dispute.
You can fire him.
You're the star.
He can't fire me.
I'm the hardest-working mantis in show business.
Forget him, my fair nanny.
He's but a lowly proletariat.
Actually, I'm episcopalian.
You know, I've never met a woman
guest quite like you before, nanny.
Thank you. I know.
Oh, yeah. I can sense quality in a
female of the species when I scan for it.
Zorak, there's a nanny present.
Watch your mouth.
I--I can't.
It's too underneathy.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
My husband says that-- husband?
I'm sorry, nanny,
but good-bye.
Don't want no more of this cryin' game.
Space ghost loves the nanny
Do not!
Tainted love.
I wonder what lucky citizen is her husband.
Don't you know, space ghost?
Mr. belvedere?
Mr. French?
You've never heard ofnanny and the Professor?
No, no! It can't be true.
Space man, space master Mother!
You getting it?
Hello, space ghost well, hello, space ghost
Space ghost, you got a channing at 3 o'clock.
Hello, space ghost.
Oh. Hello, Carol.
I'm sorry, but I don't feel up to this right now.
I'm a downy clowny.
Oh, please come out of yourself.
All right. I'll try.
Carol, are you getting enough oxygen?
No. I haven't-- oh, what's the use?
I'm a 50-car pileup of misery.
The nanny dumped space ghost.
How dare she!
She was miffed.
She was mad.
She had gained 10 pounds over the Christmas holidays.
It was fruitcake.
I've--I've never known love, Carol.
You haven't, space ghost?
You'd be divine.
I want to know what love is!
Love is watching Jack klugman.
Is not.
Yes, it is. Also-- I want woman love.
You're pathetic.
Be a man. Be a klug-man.
I think space ghost is strangely sweet.
Really? Thanks.
I'm glad we had this little talk, Carol.
I feel more confident now.
Oh, space ghost, I've enjoyed it.
Could I ask you to dinner after the show?
Sure, you could.
We'd be cute together.
Really? We'd be cute?
Say, would you go steady with me?
Ha ha ha!
Fine. Be that way.
Good-bye, Dolly moltar, next guest!
I'll charm the pants off her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Alice Cooper.
Welcome to our nightmare, Alice.
Ha ha ha!
Hello, Mr. ghost.
Or is it space?
You're not a woman, are you?
Oh, no. No, not me.
But you have makeup on.
I was actually born with eye makeup on.
Ah! What the Is going on here?
Well, it's, uh-- has society totally broken down?
I think that we all-- is nothing sacred?
Is love a lie?
Space ghost, I made you something.
I think you need it.
An ejector seat.
Good one, dude.
Game over, man.
Game over.
Prepare yourselves for klugman.
Zorak-- we're short on time here, Alice, dear, so chop off your
head or eat a rat or something so we can wrap this up.
You know, actually, I've never ever
bitten or killed anything onstage.
Ok, Cooper, how much to get rid of you?
1.5 million, after the show.
Done and done.
See you, creeps.
No, skinny.
Get away from that fence, skinny.
Sam, roll klugman.
Ok, quince.
Please, someone, anyone, tell me this
is all just a horrible nightmare.
No, it's not.
Space ghost's 15 minutes of lame are up.
Let the klugman revolution begin.
Ha ha ha!
And now, klugman, klugman, klugman, klugman, klugman!
Good night, my little nanny, wherever you are.
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