Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s03e06 Episode Script


It's me--Space Ghost.
Please say hello to my band, zorak and the original way-outs.
My first guest is both an author
and an expert on the supernatural
and hereafter.
Ghost expert Michael Norman.
Greetings, Michael.
Well, thanks.
Nice--nice being here, I think.
You think?
I hope.
You hope?
I'm sure.
You're sure?
Ok, Michael Norman, what makes you a ghost expert?
I'm a ghost writer.
Haunted America-- the historic haunted America.
Maybe you can help me write haunted universe.
I'm probably too busy with my show, but thank you for the offer.
You could be my research assistant.
Too busy, I said.
Hey, Mike, why don't you write a book about me?
Absolutely, absolutely.
We'll have a whole chapter on--on Space Ghosts.
I don't want a chapter, son.
I want a book.
You can call it portrait of Space Ghost as a young man.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ahh I'm looking for a good research assistant,
somebody who could help me
and identify those places in the universe that might have
some ghost stories.
Look, Mike, I'm not going to be your assistant.
I host my own talk show.
I'll give you credit in the bibliography.
I'll even put your-- Mike,
tell the universe what you know about ghosts.
The ghosts of Halloween are nothing like ghosts in real life.
You don't say?
Ghosts exist in a plane or in a time that is when they lived.
In other words, they don't exist
on the same level or the same plane
that we do.
Meaning ghosts are wiser and more sophisticated than
Certain other beings, of course.
Ha ha ha ha!
So, uh
Who are you again?
Say the question again.
So, you are I'm Michael Norman.
Ok, Michael Norman.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ok, Mr. expert, so, explain to the
universe how it's ok that my existence
defies all known laws of physics.
I think you'd have to explain that to me, because you're the
first ghost I've ever met.
I'm the first ghost you've ever met?
I thought you were the expert.
I've not seen a ghost up until today.
So I suppose this is my scariest encounter,
but it's been very benign
and a very nice encounter, if I may say so.
Of course you may, Mr. expert!
How long have you been a ghost?
Oh30-odd years, give or take.
What caused you to be a ghost?
UmAn accident.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Oh, that's ok.
It was a long time ago.
I'm much better
Since the accident.
What kind of an accident?
Oh, you know.
A farming accident.
What happened in the farming accident?
We were farming.
Things got out of hand.
It all happened so fast.
It was horrible.
Ok, and now-- I'm sorry.
It's difficult for me.
I'm sure you understand.
And somehow that caused you to become a ghost.
You know what, it was fishing!
It was fishing.
A fishing accident.
You're not sure how you became a ghost.
Are you really a ghost, or are you
sort of making this up as you go along?
IUh What, you think I'm lying?
Do you require oxygen?
Then, I suppose you're not a living thing.
Oh! I mean yes!
I do!
I do require oxygen.
UmI mean no, I don't?
Go on!
What kind of plane are you on?
What kind of a level are you-- I'm sorry.
I don't understand the--
are you in the same dimension that I'm in, or are you in
a different dimension?
You're in both.
How do you manage that?
Uh, I'm sorry.
I meant the first one.
That's it.
Yup, the first one.
Hey, Moltar, this guy is trouble.
Why did you book him?
You booked him yourself.
I did?
Yeah. You wanted him to write a book about you.
Oh, yeah.
You could always just blast him.
Oh, now, zorak.
Blast him! Blast him!
Michael, why all the probing questions?
I hope you're not planning one of those silly tell-all books
that will make me look bad,
and-- when you're a ghost-- Blast him!
Are people scared when they meet you?
Who? Me?
Blast him!
Who wants to know?
Blast him!
Blast him!
Uhh What was the question again?
Blast him!
Blast him!
Do you mind, zorak?
I'm trying to do an interview here.
Blast him!
Blast him!
Now, zorak, violence is not the answer.
Blast him! Blast him!
Blast him! Bllll--aah!
Hey, Mike, when zorak dies, will he become a ghost?
Well, is he a prayin mantis, first of all?
Ok, well, if he's a praying mantis, then perhaps he has
prepared himself for death.
Bring it on!
He's in his own little world, Mike, not like you and me.
You and me, Mike-- nice guys.
That's what we are, the same good stock.
I would want to know what it's like being a ghost.
Uh, what is what like?
Is it lonely?
Actually, I'm the only ghost on ghost planet.
Ahh! Ok.
I think.
Would you like to go searching for
ghosts in other parts of the universe?
Oh, I've tried.
I've tried.
How would you do that?
Would you advertise somehow or talk to your friends?
Well, I would probably take out an ad in the paper.
Ahem. Smsg, 30, clean-shaven,
seeks a like-minded sfsg who enjoys
long walks underwater Mexican fiestas,
drives through hyperspace,
and quiet evenings at home.
And if that didn't work,
I'd still have my sleek phantom cruiser.
Ok, all right.
And how would the cruiser help?
They would see that and know that you're driving it, and then--
and then they would associate me with the cool ride.
So, there are ghost babes out there.
Oh! Sure!
For the pickin'.
Beefy guy like me Well, 30 years when you're very masculine,
you know, if you haven't found a space babe,
can be a tough time.
Well, I have my talk show, you know,
and my hobbies.
What does a ghost do to pass his time in the universe?
Oh, not much.
You know, interview people.
Interview people, and so forth.
Yeah, and interview people.
You still consider yourself male, or
Or what?
Ha ha ha!
Or what?
Ha ha ha!
Or what?
Ha ha ha ha!
Ok, Michael Norman, what's so funny?
I'm sorry.
Tell me what you said.
You said you were masculine, very masculine.
So I'm sure-- 30 years has been a long time, I'm sure.
Look, mister expert, I don't need
you coming on my show and making me
feel stupid.
I get enough of that from my staff.
Yeah, that's our job!
Yeah, back off!
I'm not scared of you.
You're not, eh?
Well, maybe this will scare you, Mr. expert.
Whooo oooo!
All right!
Moltar, find me another expert--
one that likes me this time, ok?
I'm a regular American.
All right, well, please welcome your
next guest, science guy bill nye.
Ok, please welcome my next guest, science guy bill nye.
It's great to be here.
It's great to have you here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Science guy, I'd like for you to explain to our young viewers
why they should believe in ghosts and that it's ok that
I'm able to transcend all laws of
physics and appear on television.
You must be part of science that we don't understand yet.
That's what I figure.
You hear that zorak?
Keep a-talkin', bill.
You're from stuff that's too complicated for us at our level
right now to get.
You know what, bill?
Perhaps I am.
Ha ha ha ha!
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