Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s03e09 Episode Script


Psst! Moltar!
Is the ghost around?
Ha ha ha!
OkGet this.
I told him he had a package down in the mail room.
Ha ha ha!
I laid a bunch of traps for him along the way.
You know, to slow him down a little.
Ha ha ha ha!
Good one.
You want a piece of me?
Well, come get some!
His birthday is today.
So what?
I kind of want to give him a surprise party,
and I'm going to round up
the council of doom to "help out. " Ha ha!
That's "help out"
with quotes around it.
Ho ho! Lordy, lord, lord.
You're sick.
You want a piece of me?
Well, come-- ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
So you and the band can do the music, right?
You know, your standard party gig?
He'll be 30 this year.
30? What you talking about, Moltar?
I'm serious.
Dead serious, if you know what I mean.
Ah! I get it!
Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah. Surprise!
Boom! Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, zorak?
If this is a bad time, I can check back.
Moltar Has Space Ghost made it to the mail room yet?
UhHe's going to be a while.
Well, I'm going to take over the show until he returns
If he returns.
Ha ha ha!
Yeah, whatever.
Zorak coast to coast.
Mmm. I rather like that.
Play me to the desk.
Please welcome my first guest.
Identify yourself.
Um, I'm Vinnie Uh-huh.
From the band sponge.
NnnNever heard of you.
The big 3-0.
30 big ones.
30. Mmm!
So what do you think?
He shows up here promptly at 3:00 every day.
You could do the studio up all nice with your webs and all.
What do you mean?
You know, streamers, lanterns,
little webby basket party favors-- all that crap.
He likes those frilly things.
How about a little something that
will ensnare the ghost and strangle
his soul and place his consciousness
into a never-ending painful inferno?
Los supremos tormentos.
Yeah, yeah!
Crap like that.
Make me laugh.
Ha ha! 2 teens and a monkey walk-- good one.
Make me laugh.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You're gone.
Now, how about noisemakers?
We hand out earplugs to everyone except
the ghost and toot our little horns.
Blam! Damaged ear canal!
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, how's it going?
Package for Space Ghost, please.
GhostGhost Ghost. Hmm.
No ghost here.
Check under "ghostal."
Hello, smithereens.
How would you like it if I blew you to smithereens?
No. I guess that's kind of dumb.
Yeah. It's stupid.
Yosemite Sam would say
"I'll blow you varmints to smithereens."
I don't watch that show.
It will be beautiful, man. Beautiful.
Ha ha! Yeah.
Welcome to my show.
Are you getting enough oxygen, my sweet?
Um Ah, what do I care?
Uh You're zorak.
You're gone.
Uh What do you mean, I need I.D.?
How do I know you're not some impostor?
I mean, if you were from another dimension and ended up being
an evil twin or clone or something?
I beg your pardon.
I believe I saved this whole
department from the diabolical mailer.
I saved you all, and this is the thanks I get?
Saved lives or not, sir, I still need to see I.D.
Holy Tim schnack!
You guys are worse than payroll!
Thanks for coming back, folks.
Space Ghost is, uh
So I'll be filling in for him until he returns.
Ha ha ha ha!
Who are you?
Hewwo, Joe.
Ha ha ha ha!
Supermodels say the darndest things.
Ha ha ha ha!
You're gone.
All right.
How's this?
We have a polynesian bovine feast-- a luau, if you will.
Yes, yes, yes.
And we'll call it "lu-wow,"
exclamation point.
And we'll have black widow pass out
leis with a little kissy for each
in attendance, and we'll caper
about in our little grass pinafores
to delicious calypso melodies,
and we'll limbo until dawn and then some.
Oh, it will be glorious!
Wait, wait, wait.
That's going a bit overboard, don't you think?
Oh, I see. You want to downplay it.
Well, then, how about mardi gras?
Fanciful disguises, body paint, capering about in the hedges.
Oh, and the dancing!
And don't forget the crawfish.
Don't forget to pinch the tail!
Ha ha ha ha!
No, no, no, no.
We want to get in close and personal and thenWham!
Ha ha ha!
Hit him hard!
Humiliate him!
Make the baby cry.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, well, aren't we the bitter little spitfire?
Oh, for humanity.
If I were, say, superman, and I wanted to pick up a package
for Clark Kent He'd need I.D.
Spider-man for Peter Parker?
Batman for Bruce Wayne or that poser Adam west?
Wonder woman for Diana prince?
What are you getting at, mister?
How would you like it if I zapped you good?
Well, how about a fifties motif?
I'll pretend to be Reggie, the lonesome miscreant
from the wrong side of the tracks.
Liking it.
You, my good man, can be Molly, my good-times gal, torn between
her cherished beau
and her wealthy patrician family that despises his vulgar ways.
Yeah. And, uh The ghost?
Pigtails and a poodle skirt.
Yes! Ha ha ha ha!
I'll be right over, meine liebchen.
Shall we cater?
No. That's already taken care of.
Hey, fellow helmeteer.
Tansut, my man!
You want to see me do my ramones impersonation?
1, 2, 3, 4 that's it.
Wait a second.
You're not al roker.
You're gone.
Hey, we out of here?
All right.
Can we jab him?
Can we poke at him?
You can do that.
Can we crumple him?
Whatever you want.
Can we hit him with the rusty metal?
UhWhat rusty metal?
You know The rusty metal.
Um Yeah, of course.
Last time, you wouldn't let me hit him with the rusty metal.
Hey, now, I didn't say that.
You did. You said that the rusty
metal would cut him, and you said
that the rusty metal might give him an infection.
You did!
You said that!
That's what you said!
WellNow I'm saying different.
So now you're saying different.
Look, are you coming over or not?
I don't know.
I'll have to think about it.
Oh, don't be that way.
Well, what?
It's just that every time you call me,
I come all the way over there,
and I don't get to do Jack!
Know what? I don't even care if you
come to my stupid party anymore.
Well, maybe I don't want to come.
Well, maybe I don't want you to come.
Oh, yeah?
So should I bring a cake or something?
That would be fine.
Ok. Fine.
I don't have an I.D.
Is what what you want me to say?
I left it in the phantom cruiser.
I forgot it.
Now, get me my stinking package!
I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to
go back to your "Phantom cruiser,"
did you call it?
And get your I.D.
Because ain't no package leaving here without one.
You get me, big guy?
Hey, wait.
I'll let you see under my mask.
I'll let you see under my mask.
I don't have time for this, space man.
You getting it?
Uh Next in line, please.
I like to eat used cotton swabs with
earwax on them and, um, pieces of curb.
No! I said "food!"
I need you to bring food to the party.
What kind of food do you want me to bring?
It has to be edible.
AhMilk solids, asparagus, ibuprofen?
Oh. I know what I like to eat.
I'm not a cook.
I'm a villain.
Here's your great big package.
This is it?
All that trouble for this crappy little envelope?
Look, what do you want from me--a parade?
Uh Huzzah.
Oh, don't mock me.
A nose flute.
A big nose flute, likeThat.
You're gone.
I don't think I have a lot of enemies.
I make a lot of friends.
You're gone.
Do you have a pen?
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
Everybody's here.
Lokar's got the theme figured out.
Widow's decorating, metallus will
work the crowd, tansut's got the food,
and Brak Well, who knows what he's doing?
And you guys have got the--
Here he comes!
Everybody, quick!
Behind the drapes!
Shut up! Shut up!
Here he comes!
Hush up!
Don't touch me, you pigs!
Hey, I think I see him.
Will you please shut up?!
I got to go to the bathroom!
Look, zorak. Look! Look!
Ooh! An envelope!
Not just an envelope.
It's the envelope-- the envelope of goodness.
Aah! Keep it away from me!
It gives me the power to get 12 c. D.S for a penny!
Hey, what's that over there?
What's what?
What are those, drapes?
Moltar, what are those drapes doing on the set?
I don't see any drapes.
What drapes?
Well, I'm just going to blast them, then.
Uh, no! No, no, no!
UmUhAh I-I wouldn't, umUh
Ok. Go ahead.
Oh, no!
Don't harm me!
I am a tired old set of drapes.
But you don't match my desk.
My bottom's on fire!
Roll the credits.
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