Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s03e11 Episode Script


Last week, on a very special Space Ghost coast to coast
Get me 100 cc's of bolgerdrine stat! Clear!
Still no pulse.
I'm Moltar.
No, Moltar.
W-wait a minute.
A stolen treasure map?
A stolen treasure map?
The clock is ticking, Mr. president.
You must make a choice.
A stolen treasure map?
I I think I'm pregnant.
Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho!
And now, the conclusion.
Space Ghost coast to coast , a Martin quin production.
With Space Ghost
Zorak Cuchi-cuchi girl charo
Metallus Well, there we are!
Adrienne barbeau
Do you believe in magic?
any young girl
And special guest stars metallica.
Space Ghost coast to coast will continue after these messages.
Hickory dickory dead.
I'm Space Ghost.
Meanwhile, back at the set.
I can take it from here.
I'm sorry.
Did you get Moltar?
Nope. Got something better.
You ok in there, buddy?
Think we're about to start in a minute.
Is this on?
You got tansit?
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
Is this on?
If you like babies.
Is this on?
Yes, tansit. Go ahead.
Space gh-- Yes? Go ahead.
Is this on?
Yes, tansit.
I can hear you.
That you, space gh--
I'm a--
--Thing is broken!
I think-- no, it's not broken.
Just keep the button pushed in.
It's the red button.
No. Just keep the button pushed in!
Whoops! Hello.
No, no.
The other button!
It's right in front of you!
The other one!!
Ok. I think I got it.
You're clear on how the feeds work, right?
10-4 on that, Space Ghost.
Over and out.
Send the musical guest.
Is it that time?
Yes, it's that time.
Let's see. Uh Yeah, ok.
Please welcome heavy-metal music makers metallica.
Ok. All right.
Tansit I can do that better.
Uh, you know, folks, I ran into metallica just last year
at a celebrity pro-am down in myrtle--myrtle beach last year.
Myrtle beach, right, zorak?
Pebble beach. Right.
Got it!
I--I thought I got it.
Tansit, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?
Guest coming up, fresh off the griddle.
Well, it's about time.
This isn't metallica.
Yeah, I know.
This is metallus.
No, it's not right.
It's wrong. Very wrong.
I think we have a problem.
Listen, zorak, can you operate the feeds?
Well, super.
Oh, shut up!
Sorry. I just had, like, a tuna sandwich with slimy eggs in it.
Yeah, I could tell.
Would you like a mint?
Tansit, what are you doing?
Is metallica here?
Yeah, he's out there.
He? You gave me metallus.
Oh. Well, no biggie.
Yes, biggie!
You screwed up the fe-- wait a minute.
Who's this?
That's the mighty hetfield.
Mighty hetfield of earth.
I'm kirk of earth.
And you're Metallica.
Yes, sir.
That is correct.
We were just having a lovely conversation about tuna.
Well, that's nice.
Now would you give me the right guests so I can do my job?
You know, talk show host?
Ooh. Sorry.
You think you're so hot.
I could twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly.
I could-- I heard that.
I didn't say anything!
I'll tell you why you're so--
look at Space Ghost, man, when you talk.
Well, looky there, zorak.
It's metallica!
Well, everybody limbo.
Howdy, dude.
Howdy, metallica.
Did tansit treat you in a pleasant,
courteous, and professional manner?
I--I hated him.
Oh, you did?
What was the problem?
His annoying little voice.
I wanted to smash him with my boots.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Well, uh, we're-- we're in a transitional stage.
Hey, everybody, listen up!
Space Ghost, cleanup on aisle 8.
Yeah. He was annoying.
This intercom thing is a pip.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
You're squeezing my arm.
Space Ghost, I think I'm pregnant.
Ha ha!
That's pretty keen.
You guys are quite the musicians.
And we're big fans of the musical part of your show.
You like the zorak, do you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Love zorak.
Well, what do you know?
Hey, zorak, did you hear that, buddy?
Looks like you've got some fans.
Bite me, metallica!
I bet you think you're evil now.
We love evil.
Well, aren't we the pretty ones.
They're fans of yours.
Well, that's what they expect.
You're twisted.
Well, boys, I'm going to give you a break.
I'm going to let you play a song for zorak.
Ladies and gentlemen, metallica.
All right. Ready?
1, 2, 3.
Mine's louder, though.
Space Ghost, you're, like, the dude
you oughta, like, hang out and be in our band
you're, like, the man
and, uh, you are 'cause you kick a lot of buttock
Well, that was stupid.
Well, it was.
Hey-- ha ha ha!
Could we smoke a cigar, or is that
going to mess with the oxygen in here?
And just where, pray tell, did you get those grubby things?
Did tansit give them to you?
You want a cigar?
No. You go ahead, man.
Mol--er, tansit!
Did you give the boys cigars?
Well Yes.
And why did you do that?
Well, my daddy always says, "there's nothing like a good stogie
to clean the pipes,"
you know?
No, I don't know.
Here I am on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons,
dressing as a clown, and visiting children's hospitals, donating
time and money out of my own tights,
and then here you come, "here, fellows.
Smoke up!"
But--but I was just being hospitable.
Hospitable? Hospitable?!
Tansit, you're fired!
S-s-s-stay away from me.
I'm a villain.
Tell me where Moltar is.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't play dumb.
No! Please.
Don't hit.
Tell me where Moltar went, and I won't!
But I can't.
Zorak told me not to tell!
I did not.
He said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen.
He said that he was going to shove a-- zorak doesn't have
a swarm of henchmen.
He doesn't?
Ha ha ha!
You liar, you!
You give me no choice, tansit.
I'm going to count to 3.
But--but I-- 1, 2, 3!
Ok, ok!
Moltar's on a bus.
A bus?
To Jacksonville.
That's all I know.
Just--just don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
Calm down, you big baby.
Don't touch me!
Zorak, take over the show.
Don't escape, ok?
Oh, I won't.
I've got some heat to seek.
Well, um You know what I'm talkin' about.
Space Ghost, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant.
Wanna go outside?
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
What would happen?
You'd explode.
Come on. It's fun.
Everybody's talkin' at me
I don't hear a word they're sayin'
I just-- going somewhere, little Timmy?
Whoa! Whoa.
It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?
Look, if you're trying to wear me down so I'll confess something
I didn't do, I won't do it.
I just want the truth.
Listen, the truth is I know nothing about the plane crash
or the whereabouts of umberto malzone.
You think he's going to protect you?
You fool. You're useless to him now.
Men like him don't hang, Moltar.
Men like him watch their own neck.
You're kidding.
I don't feel like kidding today, Moltar.
I need to know Are you going to leave me?
After the Jacksonville incident, Moltar was returned to his post
as director of the show, given a spanking,
and told never to escape again.
Tansit was also swatted lightly across the Fanny for his role
in the metallica debacle.
Space Ghost would resume his duties as host of the popular
animated talk show and was later to be spotted that very evening
with gal pal Tori spelling.
Upon Space Ghost's arrival,
passenger 12 choked on a cracklin' tatah.
Witnesses quoted him as saying,
"man, there's a cracklin' tatah choked in ma throat."
Zorak eventually led metallica to the outer air lock,
where members of the band were heard to say,
"shouldn't we put on
a suit or something?"
Metallica exploded in deep space.
Mwam mwam mwam.
Mwam mwam mwam
The story you have just heard is true.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy.
Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa
and I say, "down, Fluffy, down,
or Fluffy get no din-din."
Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner.
Fluffy knows better than that.
Cats are fun.
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