Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s03e13 Episode Script


Fellas, fellas, come on now.
They're both so good.
Shut up.
Good evening, and bon appetit, it's Space Ghost coast to coast.
Tonight, a no-holds-barred cook-off between television chefs
Plus, zorak and the original way outs.
And now, prepare to clean your palate with a fresh blast
of minty, wintergreen Space Ghost!
Buon giorno, hungry citizens.
Welcome to our show du jour.
Tonight, we've got 3 of tv land's favorite chefs
in the kitchen with Space Ghost
for a little cooking competition.
Here to help us judge the contest, our very own council of doom.
Lokar Oh, ho, ho, hi.
Metallus Black widow Ooh!
Tansut Just me.
And Brak.
I got I got pinkeye.
Ready to eat, zorak?
Yeah, listen, I want all the bones when we're done.
Not a problem.
Make sure he wipes them off.
And, um, get them in a bag.
A bone bag.
Give me a bone bag.
Enough! You can have all the bones when we're done.
Thank you.
Somebody I want to eat.
Grab some crackers.
That's what the machine's for.
Oh, shut up, the both of you.
Shut up.
Thanks, Brak.
No problem.
Hey, hey.
Ah, here's our first chef contestant.
Greetings, citizen, how are you today?
I'm doing unbelievable.
I believe you.
Identify yourself to the universe.
I am emeril lagasse, chef and restaurateur, of new Orleans.
Are you getting enough oxygen, chief emeril?
Uh, I'm getting plenty right now.
It's feeling real good.
Chef, chef, chef
Remember him?
He was the stooge nobody liked.
Have you ever been in outer space before?
Absolutely not.
I'm kind of excited about this.
Well, you should be.
So, how did you become a chef of the future?
I started cooking and liked it, and did more of it and liked it,
and one day I got up, and then I really loved it.
No way, it can't be that easy.
You better believe it.
Well, I don't believe it.
Say, emeril,
people are always saying things taste
like chicken. You know, frogs,
woolly spider monkeys, herculoids.
Is that true?
Well, you know, people drive me
crazy when they say it like that.
It's like anything that's mysterious, they say, "well, it tastes
like chicken."
It doesn't taste like chicken.
It tastes like frog, or it tastes
like rabbit That's what it is.
It's not chicken.
Chicken is chicken.
Huh I bet zorak would taste like chicken.
Have you ever cooked a giant, evil praying mantis?
Oh, listen, we do food from love Food of love.
So, evil is not allowed in the kitchen.
Have you ever cooked a human
Out of love?
Uh, I haven't tried any humans yet Say,
do you know chef boy-ar-Dee?
Uh, we've never met.
We've never met.
I'd like to meet him someday, though.
Beefaroni or beefaghetti?
Eat a chicken basket, you know?
What do you like to cook the most, emeril?
Well, I just like cooking food.
Well, I just like eating food.
What do you like to eat the most?
I love beef.
I love pork, too.
I think, actually, pork rules.
Actually, in my new book,
I think the slogan is "pork fat rules".
"Pork fat rules"?
Uh, the flavor is just You can't beat it.
Oh, I'm with you.
What kind of food do you like?
Well, emeril, I like food.
You know, food, food, fit-in-the-stomach food.
You like dense food?
Indeed I do.
The denser the better.
Muffins Thick, hearty, and dense.
That's for me.
Well, I'm going to have to cook something dense for you.
Uh-huh, would you?
Some dense cuisine.
Mmm Gooey and dense.
Dense, right?
I must warn you.
I can eat a manly pile.
That's ok, we got plenty of food.
Then feed me, emeril.
Make me a manly pile.
I'm looking forward to cooking for you.
And I'm looking forward to eating From you.
Space Ghost?
Anyway, while emeril goes to the kitchen Hey! Hey!
I wantUh, hrmm
I-I want I want the bones when we're done.
Okey-dokey, not a problem.
I'm thinking about making a soup.
Don't forget about the bones.
Space Ghost That's just what I need for myBone soup.
The opportunity to cook for you.
Uh, emeril, what are you going to cook with today?
Besides your hands, I mean.
DuckBut not only is it, like,
just duck, Space Ghost, it's duck confit,
which means it's been, like, smothered in fat.
Mmm, I'm in carbohydrate heaven.
And what are you going to make with this confit?
Duck tacos with kicked-up salsa and a lot of bam Bam?
Just for you.
This is the kicked-up salsa right here:
Black beans, spicy corn, lots of
peppers to just put your mouth on fire,
and some Greens.
Greens? Yuck!
I say thee nay!
Oh, well, I can scrape them off anyway.
Uh, what are you putting on the tortillas?
This is the essence of emeril right there, and, just, these are
little baby bams, see?
Bam, bam, bam.
Little baby bams.
Now, I got to, like, make this
IncredibleMixture, this duck mixture.
Did you kill that duck yourself?
Uh, we kind of don't ask those questions, Space Ghost.
On earth here, you know,
we got to be careful about those things.
Ooh, yeah, the duck people.
In order to try to get you healthy,
Space Ghost, at least for 5 seconds,
some Greens.
Ew, no. Yuck.
And this is a little cilantro dressing.
Hey, is that like ranch?
This is--it's a little bit different than ranch.
But, uh, we can pretend it's ranch
dressing if you want, Space Ghost.
Ok, let's pretend it's ranch dressing.
Now, watch this.
We're going to start by putting this dish together for you
Kind of funky shapes And we're
going to do some kicked-up salsa.
Kick it! Kick it in the head!
Then we're going to take some of these Greens.
On the side!
No! Oh go ahead, put it there.
And then we're going to do another little tortilla like that.
Your favorite, without the bones, of course, duck meat.
Of course.
Are you with me so far, Space Ghost?
All the way.
Then we're going to put another tortilla And then we're going
to take the kicked-up salsa again Kick it where it hurts!
Then we'll, like, put another layer like this.
Ooh, it's beautiful.
Kind of take a little bit more of that duck meat, you see?
It's soHefty.
It's getting tall.
Does it ever end?
I don't know how hungry you are.
That's why I'm going to keep building
it until you, like, surrender.
WhoaI surrender.
We're going to have to give it a littleBam!
Just like that.
Don't get frightened.
Dynamic reflexes.
And that's my dish for you, Space Ghost.
It's the kicked-up duck tacos.
Now, you would smother that in cheese sauce, right?
That's entirely up to you, Space Ghost.
I wouldn't recommend gravy on this particular dish for you.
'Nilla pudding?
No pudding.
No ketchup?
No ketchup.
Tartar sauce.
You got to get out of that habit, Space Ghost.
I'm trying to kick you up a notch.
Consider me kicked.
HeyThe bones.
Zorak, we'll put the bones,
when we're done, in the bag for you, too.
Just be patient.
So, emeril, who do you think will win here tonight?
Ha! Martin has big cleavers, Space Ghost.
I just have essence.
I see. Well, let's see your entry.
Ooooh. Ahhh!
Oh, I'm in love.
It's time to dine.
We'll be right back.
Oh, man.
I undid my belt 3 notches,
and I still feel like 10 pounds of potatoes
in a 3-pound sack.
Hey, wide load, we're back.
Oh, hello there.
Welcome, citizen chef.
Please identify yourself to the cosmos.
I'm nathalie dupree.
I'm the cook.
You're the cook?
Well, yes.
Oh, I'll be the judge of that.
Make me a chicken chimichanga.
Well, because this is a cooking competition, and because I want
a chicken chimi.
And because this is my show,
and because I said so.
I see.
Then start cooking.
Uh, I have a question.
Zorak has a question.
Yeah, what does he want to know?
Make it quick.
Do you have any bones?
He wants your bones.
HmmThat's really distressing.
I need your bones for my soup.
You see, I'm going to put the bones in the soup
And it's The bones go In the soup.
That's not very loving.
Life's not very loving.
Hmm So, what's the deal?
You going to cook for me or what?
So, you're not going to cook for me.
Yeah you will?
Or yeah you won't.
No. Ha! Ha!
Have it your way, then.
Cook or be cooked!
Well, you know what they say,
if you can't stand the guest, blast her out of
the kitchen.
Liar! Nobody says that!
Moltar, get me a chef that will play ball.
Greetings, citizen chef.
Identify yourself, please.
I am Martin yan of the yan can cook show.
Can yan cook?
I'll show you later.
That's what I like to hear.
So, citizen yan Are you getting enough oxygen?
Man, am I sick of that.
I have plenty of oxygen, but I want extra oxygen.
I drink soy sauce during fermentation, so I get more oxygen.
That's how I derive most of my additional oxygen.
Ha! Coo-coo-nutty!
So, do you have any superpowers besides soy sauce drinking?
I work out in the kitchen, and I'm powerful enough,
but for additional power This is additional power.
What are you doing with that?
If I don't get nervous, you shouldn't get nervous.
HmmGood point.
You know, I would like to put you in the oven,
375 degree, and roast it.
Sorry, Martin, yan can't cook Space Ghost.
It's rude.
I will put butter on you, and you'll taste better.
You taste good, you'll taste even better.
Cook him!
Cook him! Cook him now!
Shut up, zorak.
You shut up!
Make me!
When you talk too much, I'll put an
apple in your mouth, and you'll shut up.
But because you're such a nice guy, I'd never do that to you.
Suck up.
Phew, I got to tell you, Marty,
for a minute there, I thought you were
really going to cook me.
Put those away.
You're pretty crazy, you know that?
I am crazy?
That's what my mother told me.
I believe it.
As well you should, my boy, as well you should.
So, who do you think is going to win
our little cooking contest? Hmm?
You know, emeril is a good friend of mine,
and he's a master chef,
and I'm quite sure he'll win.
10 bucks on emeril.
And also he's better-looking than me, so I better let him win.
100 bucks on urkel--emeril.
Well, then, are you ready to cook and lose?
Let's cook and maybe feed this ghost.
All righty We'll be back with more
delicious food after these important
One thing. Sorry.
This cheap watch.
Say, Martin's back And so's my appetite.
What are you making, there, Martin?
I'm going to show you how to do a chicken, ok?
Mmmm Chicken tastes like chicken.
First, you seesaw your knife, and you roll your bell pepper--
look, like that.
Wow, look at that-- the whole thing Done!
Ah! I am impressed.
And then you cut it up like that.
I'm very impatient.
That's the reason why I go so fast.
Why don't you watch what you're cutting?
When I look I get nervous.
That's the reason why.
Oh, I get it.
I'm like that with girls.
You know This chicken is somewhat nervous
because it never, never get such
close encounter with the Space Ghost.
Maybe it's nervous because it's naked.
So, when the chicken is nervous, you know what?
You've got to relax your chicken.
Relax the chicken?
If the chicken is not relaxed, like it's nervous, you can't cut
through this, see?
So, how do you relax a chicken?
You hold onto it with 3 hands
Now, Moltar, pay attention, and zorak, pay
Look at it backing up.
You hold on to it like that.
You go up and down, up and down.
Never horizontal movement.
Hey, get that camera off me!
Up and down, up and down.
After 5 up and down, you go circular
motion like that Ah, the chicken is
getting nervous.
No more nervous, relaxing.
You do about 5 complete cycles.
This is great exercise.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
This is my daily exercise in the kitchen.
Man, who needs pbs with educational programming like this?
When it's nice and ready,
look at that The chicken is very relaxed.
The chicken is so relaxed The chicken isn't relaxed.
The chicken is dead.
Is not.
It was just moving.
I saw it.
This chicken is alive!
Ok, the chicken's alive.
So, yan can cook And yan can go insaneGot it.
Zorak, no insulting the guests.
Oh, but blasting them is peachy?
Darn tootin', nephew breath.
Space Ghost, Moltar, and zorak, pay attention, ok?
3 2 1 One cut,
another cut Turn it to the other side,
one cut along the back, hold it like this,
and you disjoint this,
and the whole chicken breast comes out, and the thigh,
and the leg comes out, the tenderloin on this side comes out.
Turn it to the other side, and then disjoint this.
The whole chicken breast comes out.
The thigh and the leg comes out.
The last piece of the tenderloin comes out.
Space Ghost, are you impressed?
You killed the chicken.
No, I didn't.
I just dissected.
The word "kill"
is not appropriate.
I just cut it up because I know that
you are hungry I just dissected.
I just dissected. Dissected And then, I put the chicken,
which you can marinate the chicken.
I put it right over here.
And then what?
You kill some more, o grim reaper.
Very little oil, and you stir, and you stir Look at this.
When the chicken is almost ready, you put the rest of
the stuff in like this.
MmmmYou know what?
It's going to look very, very good.
That's barely a recipe.
In such a short time, I have shown you how to do two wonderful,
delicious, healthy, economical dishes that you can serve over
rice or spaghetti.
Beefaroni, perhaps?
No, beefaghetti.
Or, maybe burritos.
Or you can wrap this up with a burrito.
Oh Moltar, a closeup of the grub.
Say, that looks good enough to eat.
Ok, thanks for coming, citizen yan.
Good night, everybody.
Hey, the bones!
Ok, zorak, have it.
Yeah, like I'm supposed to catch that.
Good night, everybody!
Hey, wait! Wait!
Hold, hold, hold.
You never told us who won.
It's a tie.
Good night, everybody.
Wait! Wait! What about the council of doom?
The council of doom? Where?
Over here, you git.
She didn't do anything to you, and now look at what you did.
Sorry, just went off.
I don't think I like you anymore.
Who invited you guys? Moltar!
You invited us to judge your ridiculous culinary display.
I did?
Yes, you did.
Uh Well, thank you for coming.
Deja vu, you pusillanimous pile of pulchritude.
Hey, that's Latin for beautiful.
You just called him beautiful.
Oh I think he's pretty.
Why don't you kiss him already?
Well, occasionally, these multisyllabic words confound even me.
Hey, lokar, confound this.
Perhaps we could discuss this Matt--aaah!
Well, tansut, looks like you've jumped out of the frying pan,
and into the Wait! No Metallus do him first.
"M" comes before "t."
"M" comes before "t."
Well, metallus, looks like you've jumped out of the frying pan
and into the fire.
Tansut Ok, now I'm ready.
Ok, widow, looks like you've jumped-- no, I've already got you.
Well, Brak, looks like Wait! Wait
Wait Um, is this going to hurt?
A wee mite.
Oh, ok, just don't get me in the face.
How was that?
That hurt! Ow!
You're going to hear from my lawyer.
I'm hungry.
I'm tired.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode