Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e01 Episode Script


Instead of over to the desk, theme music,
cold open, opening remarks.
I get it.
You got it.
So you're saying cold open first,
then the theme music.
Then we hit them with opening remarks.
ThenThen I go to the desk.
That's different.
So you're saying cold open--
it's--it's a continuity thing.
You see, you can't have a cold
open after the theme.
Mm hmm. Got you.
Ok, places everybody.
Zorac? Ready to go with the theme music?
Eh, hang on a minute.
There we go.
Ok, people?
Less than two days before the big premiere.
Today we're rolling tape on this
stand-in guest, this guy, uh,
FredSchneider, uh,
before the real deal on Friday, ok?
Is this thing on?
Whoa, zorac! Save some for Friday night, huh?
You know, this sound effect isn't working for me.
It's too wacky.
You're right.
You know what? I'll pull some stuff tonight.
Ok, everybody, look alive,
cue music and title page.
We're rolling tape this time.
And fry
Hi, mom!
UmWhere's Space Ghost?
Hiya, I'm Space Ghost.
Hiya, I'm Moltar-- hold it!
You missed your mark.
Shoot. Sorry.
Still rolling.
Go again.
Hiya! I'm-- cut!
Looks good. You looked good coming out.
But, Space Ghost, yeah?
Let's see if you can come
up with some better words.
You know, you're a superhero. Feel that.
Ok, ok.
"Hiya"--it just doesn't cut it.
Got you, chief.
Mm-hmm. I'm feeling it. We ready?
All right, go.
Skip the invisible.
Salutations, citizens of earth.
Space Ghost of the cosmos here,
and I am commanding you-- cut! Cut!
I went off, didn't I?
It's a little strong.
Almost there, but not so Overbearing, you know?
Take a deep breath and
I'm Space Ghost.
Tonight on Space Ghost coast to coast,
we have Fred Schneider
of the b-52's.
Not yet, Moltar.
Don't put this on the tv-- sorry.
You don't have a line, zorak.
You're just playing off Space Ghost.
Um, I'm challenging him To give me a line.
Ok, but, uh, for our first show,
let's try something a little less oblique.
Easy. You caught me off guard. Sorry.
Ahem. Now what's my motivation?
Ok, you're a space villain.
Space Ghost has enslaved you to
work on his show, just like in '68,
only more angry.
UmOk. Ready?
You betcha. Let him have it, and Action.
Space Ghost!
Say hello to zorak, ladies and gentlemen,
my green-with-evil sidekick.
Fear me, o people of earth!
Memorize my grim vizaage-- cut.
Visage, zorac.
Why don't you try "countenance" instead?
Countenance, huh?
All right.
Fear me, o people of earth!
Memorize my grim count--
Cut! Hang on, everybody!
Joe, get in here, will you?
What's the deal here?
Say, I didn't even fire.
Techies, in here?
This is just a glitch, people.
Hey, uh, Bob?
I got to go.
Uh, everyone?
Moltar has to go.
Uh, can someone come escort him, please?
Oh, and I'd like another coffee,
and some of those biscuits,
if there's any left.
Bring me some of those, uh,
orange crackers-- Space Ghost is
the cinderella story in this year's tournament.
One well-placed blast, and he'll
take the championship-- Space Ghost?
Space Ghost?
Space Ghost!
Huh? What? Hey!
Hey, all righty!
I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean to yell like that.
I just--I want to try that remote segment, ok?
I'm going to have zorac improv a little
intro thing-- ehYeah. Well, ok.
And, bill, could we get space
ghost in the banana suit, ok?
I'm ready when you are.
Space Ghost is going to inviso down
to his mark in Atlanta, gotcha. Uh,
where do I look?
Straight ahead.
And we're ready?
Ok, andAction.
Ask the big banana
uh, was that ok?
Aw, give me a little more, zorac.
Come on, stretch a little.
We're still rolling, right?
Ok, here we go.
Hey kids! It's time for
Time to ask the questions,
time for your wacky questions,
to the big banana in Outer space.
I'm not real comfortable here, Bob.
The suit's on backwards.
This is great.
Uh, the suit's on backwards.
Is th what it is?
Mostly. Um Just try to go with it,
would you, please?
I Ok.
Hey, you!
Come here.
They call me the big banana.
Got any questions for me?
UhWhere's your face?
Ha ha ha!
Where's my face?
Well, I'm a banana, see?
Bananas don't have faces.
Ok, that was fun.
Can we try something else now, Bob?
Just one more, please.
I'm starting to sweat, Bob.
Ok, ok.
Come on out.
Um, Bob? I-- I can't reach my inviso-belt.
You better send--
zorac, I need you to run
over to the desk music, ok?
All right.
I had a new idea that I want to tr--
That's not good.
What in Andromeda's name is going on?
Where are we?
Did I miss something?
I'd just like to see it coming.
Is th too much to ask?
We're sorry, zorac, but it's rehearsal, right?
I mean, that's why we're here.
Fran, get some makeup on zorac again--
I'm not sure that banana
segment is working.
We'll deal with that later.
You up on all your questions?
Definitely. What are your
superpowers, oxygen? Got it.
We're going to take it from the intro of our guest.
Zorac, you're back, right?
Yes, I'm fine.
Say, who's up on Friday night?
Um, it's not firmed up yet, but, um,
we've got calls in to Johnny Carson
and Barbra Streisand-- I like Streisand.
I like her work.
And Susan powter's on standby
if anything falls through.
Yeah, and birdman waiting in the wings,
if you keep flubbing your intro.
Oh, please, please, please Ok, let's go.
Let's welcome tonight's guest.
He's one of those zany b-52's,
ladies and gentlemen,
let's give it up for Fred Schneider!
Hello, hello, hello!
Good, good.
Greetings, citizen Fred!
Welcome to my show!
Thank you very much.
Are you getting enough carbohydrates?
Oxygen, sg.
"Are you getting enough oxygen?"
Don't use it myself.
No, your line, Space Ghost.
Just funning you.
Birdman, coast to coast.
So, Fred Schneider, singer, activist, performer.
Are you getting enough oxygen?
Um, no, because of hay fever I am suffering.
Sorry to hear that.
Got any?
Well, besides super b. O.-- super b.O.?
Get ready for a blast from my
aerosol deodorant ray, mister!
Whoa, cut!
Whoa, put that-- hey, put that down!
Do not threaten the guest.
Um Hang on, people!
Hey, man, you, uh, need anything right now?
Stay where you are,
because you don't want to be here.
I heard that.
Mr. Schneider, we apologize. S.
G.'S a little nervous today.
No, not at-- Fred, look at me.
Do you have any advice for me,
as I take on the late-night talk show wars?
Let it happen.
Let it all hang out.
Just sort of relax and go with it, you mean.
Do you think I should be a serious
talk show host, or just plain wacky?
Just do anything.
Who cares?
Just shake it.
Shake it loose.
Gotcha. I'm shaking it.
What's this love shack all the
kids are talking about?
Um, we're out of time, Fred.
Thanks for coming in for the run-through.
Would you consider doing an actual guest spot?
I will if you pay me enough money.
Of course.
Well, um, thank you.
Good job, sg.
That feel good for you?
I was horrible.
I spent so much time worrying
about which question to ask next,
I wasn't even hearing his responses.
Well, look, you'll grow with it.
Listen, I got to-- I got to take this call.
Everybody take five!
You know, this is something--
guys like us with our own talk show.
It's a testament to our continued popularity.
Yeah, well, I hear it's a cost-saving measure.
How do you mean?
It's the nineties, Space Ghost.
Network brass is openly referring
to us as the "b" characters
in their cartoon library,
something about building equity.
I can't believe that!
They told me-- aw, don't get your nylons in a wad.
It's just a business.
I'm under no delusions about this particular gig.
Yeah, but come on.
"B" characters?
Zorak's right.
The only thing to do right now is put
out the best darn talk show we can.
Arsenio, Dave, leno
You know, maybe it's time you fellas took a step back
from the klieg lights of adulation
and took a good look around.
There's a distant thunder drawing near,
rolling in across
the vast wasteland of popular entertainment.
Maybe you can't see it coming,
because your view is blocked
by cheap facades of skylines and cityscapes.
But you'd better make ready, my friends,
because this thunder is
preparing to rain down fear and terror
on your gilded houses of complacency.
Mark my words, big shot late-night gabfest mavens!
You're about to tangle with
a one-dimensional caricature
A bug and a--
what are you, anyway, Moltar?
I'm a poorly drawn lava kind of a molten man.
And a poorly drawn lava kind of a molten man!
There's a new player in this
late-night talk show war!
And his name is-- Space Ghost?
Yeah, Bob?
We need to book, man.
The snorks are in here for a
promo or something at 4:00, ok?
Oh, right, right.
Hey, uh, who played the part
of the director, anyways?
I don't know.
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