Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e02 Episode Script


They've invented the telephone?
Well, hello, there. This is tansit.
Welcome to Space Ghost coast to coast.
Tonight, funnyman Bob odenkirk and
his partner in fun, David cross.
Mama! Mama, get in the cellar!
Close all the shutters and chain down the cows!
There's a comedy twister comin'!
Here's Spaaace ghooost!
Greetings, earth people,
and welcome to a show from outer space!
I'm Space Ghost.
Joining me tonight are comedians
David cross and Bob odenkirk.
Moltar, I hear we have an extra-special
feature for the audience tonight.
Are you referring to the space time quiz fun 9000?
And who's that with, Moltar?
Your host, Space Ghost.
I'm not lying when I say I'm really
excited about this new feature.
But we'll save that for later in the show.
Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?
Welcome to the show, citizens.
Thank you very much.
Thank you ever so much.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Is it is it Mr. ghost or can we
just call you space? Or s. Ghost?
The native Americans call me
"broken wind clap like thunder."
Ok. All right.
But you may call me Mr. ghost.
Yeah, Mr. ghost.
Now, which of you is which?
Oh. I'm David cross.
And I'm Bob odenkirk.
Did I say my name right?
God, it's a tough name to say.
How long have you had it?
I just got it. Bob odenkirk.
It sounds good.
But you know how I said it?
I said "baa bodenkirk."
Don't worry about it, baa.
Moltar can fix it in the edit.
Hello, Moltar.
Just cut that out for me, will you?
Thanks, pal.
Too late, "pal."
Ever been interviewed by a
cartoon superhero before?
Uh, this is my fifth FifthSi no, never.
And I have never, ever.
This is a real treat for me,
and I've never even been to
outer space before this.
Unless you count some, uh,
parties that I had in college.
Right on!
I know what you mean.
At superhero night school,
we once had a mixer that lasted until 10 P.M.
Oh, no, not the night school story!
I had 14 cups of ginger ale, and wet my Stop! Stop!
What? I wet my pants.
I'm not ashamed. I was young.
You were in your mid-20s.
I was quite the cut-up.
I bet you two were class clowns.
David was a class clown,
I used to just laugh at him.
I was literally a clown.
I used to come in to school
with the greasepaint, the wig,
and the floppy shoes, and the A sad clown.
Yeah, sad, and I'd go,
"Did somebody order a clown?"
So what are your superpowers?
Who, me?
No, Dave and baa.
Well, quit looking at me!
I have the power to tell
when people are in trouble,
very far away, up to, like, 20 Miles away.
But I don't have any other powers,
so I have to run, or get a cab, or
Or just feel bad.
That's weak. Baa, how about you?
I crave sweets.
Is that it? Those are measly little sissy powers!
I save entire planets.
God bless you, man.
If we could, we would, but all we
can do is make one or two people
giggle a little bit.
And those one or two people will
be giggling their way to armageddon
while you two jokers do your little "ha ha" act!
What did I do?
You invited me on this show!
Blast them!
All right, hunker down!
Moltar? UhZorak?
Moltar? UhZorak?
What is the story here?
Take your medicine!
Blast the other guy, too!
I can't. He's wearing glasses.
When has that stopped you?
Go ahead, let him blast you.
It's really not that bad.
Hmm What do you say?
Give me a laser shot? Take me out?
Oh, you want it now. Would you?
It kind of stings. Are you sure?
Yeah. Where do you want it?
Take me out right in the face, middle of the face.
I don't want it. What do I gotta do?
Keep your glasses on, four-eyes.
Here we go.
Holy, ho, gee!
All right, one more.
Another one?
Yeah, all set.
Do I want one of these?
I don't know. If you like to feel good.
I don't know, you tell me.
Ah, well, to heck with the glasses. One for you.
Ow! No! I said no!
I said no! Please!
Oh, ok.
It clears the sinuses.
You like that?
I can breathe.
I can breathe.
I can breathe for the first time
in my life, and You stink!
I can't believe you stink!
Now I can't breathe.
You gave him my clear sinuses.
You gave him my clear sinuses.
Oh, no.
And I have the brain of a chicken now.
You gave him my brain of a chicken.
And there's a swarm of bees
flying around in my stomach.
Stop trying to improv, Moltar.
No, I mean it! They're stinging my insides!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Tell me, fellas, what makes you laugh?
Tickling. When I'm tickled.
People fall down.
Big people fall down.
Adult people fall down.
That make me funny. Laugh. Ha ha.
So you're telling me that if I walked
over across the set and fell down
Do it!
Would you do it for us?
Would you do it for us?
But act like you're not gonna,
act real confident, and then fall down.
Don't tip it. Let's watch.
Yes, let's all watch.
All right, here we go.
Ohh Did you hurt yourself?
Uh, yes, I did.
Did you like it?
Well, if it hurt, yes.
Do it again!
Yeah and this time run across
the floor with some scissors!
Yeah! Yeah! And put a bunch
of pencils in your mouth!
I don't know.
Sounds kind of dangerous.
You think it would be, but it's not.
You know my motto "if it hurts, do it."
Uh, ok.
Zorak, help me up.
Moltar, bring the scissors out here.
Oh, yeah!
Dave, are you talking to zorak?
Well, zorak and I used to
hang in public high school.
Yeah I passed him in gym class buddy!
Ho, ho, I got you!
Yeah. I hear you.
You're lying! Zorak never went to school!
I've got records on him since birth,
and zorak has never all right!
Blast him!
We're back with David cross and baa bodenkirk.
So now, which of you is the straight
man and which of you is the wacky
Uh, he's straight and I'm gay.
Wait what did you ask?
I said, which of you is the
straight man and which of you
is the wacky sidekick?
You're talking about oh, comedy.
Oh, shoot.
Of course I am!
What was that? Are the muffins ready?
No, you idiot!
It's time for the stupid game show segment!
You're right, Moltar.
It's time for Space quiz time fun 9000.
With your host, Space Ghost.
I ask you a question, but be careful.
If you get it wrong, you get blasted.
If you get it right
You get blasted.
I like this game.
Zorak, you're a contestant, too.
Ready, guys?
We're gonna say no.
I haven't asked you a question yet.
Also, Franklin Roosevelt.
Aah! Aah!
Ok. Next category.
Next uh
Mama's homemade recipes for 300.
Mama's homemade recipes for 300 it is.
What is the main ingredient in my
mom's delicious cheeseburger pie?
Right! It's ketchup.
Oh, man, you get addicted to that,
you know what I mean?
Zorak, I have a tattoo.
What is it of, and where is it?
I don't wrong.
I got it in Panama city over spring break.
Spring break! Whoo!
Ooh, pardon me.
You guys want to see it?
Hang on a minute.
Oooh. Yii!
Not good.
It's a cute little panda swinging from a branch.
That's a hairy panda.
Not not so good.
Put the suit back on, thank you.
Boys, we're out of time.
Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you, Space Ghost.
Thank you. Hit me!
Spaaace ghoost!
You want one for the road?
Hit me, one for the road.
Ok, here it comes.
Aw, what a bummer.
Mmmm nothing!
He messed with your head.
Ooh, thanks.
Oh, come on!
Do me, too.
You hate these.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
Come on, give it to me!
No, now it's getting out of hand.
Come on!
I'm not blasting anyone anymore.
Aw, spacey, spacey, old pal!
Come on, do me.
Do me, too.
You've never been blasted.
Oh, yes, he has.
Oh, yeah. That's the one.
You're purposely ignoring me!
Yes, I am. Bob, one more?
I don't want this to end on a bad note.
Oh, I love you, I love you.
No, ghostie.
Spacey, I love you.
Do it again.
Sick little puppies.
Come on, my friend.
Aaaah! Aaaah!
I need it, I need it, I need to feel it aaaah!
I'm gettin' a jolt! Aaaah!
Oh, ghostie
I'd do anything for you, man.
Moltar, can we cut?
What did I do?
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