Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e08 Episode Script


Greetings and hello.
This is tansut welcoming you to another
Space Ghost coast to coast.
Tonight, entomologist Dr. maxcy nolan
and exterminator Steve Arnold.
Nobody special, but we think they're funny.
That counts for something, don't it?
Well, don't it?
Nobody listens to me.
I don't know why I bother.
Here's Space Ghost.
Greetings, one and all.
I'm Space Ghost.
So what?
Go on and start the dumb show.
Actually, we're not doing our
regular show tonight, zorak.
You mean, it won't stink?
Ha ha!
And so it begins.
No, zorak.
I'm saying that I have a special
surprise for you tonight.
Oh, great.
Moltar, why didn't you warn me?
Hey, nobody tells me anything.
That's right, zorak.
Moltar didn't know a thing about this.
Moltar didn't know a thing about this.
You see, I only told 2 special
friends of yours, and then they told
2 friends, and then they told 2 friends,
and so on, and so on, and so on
Well, I don't want no stinky "here is your life."
It's embarrassing.
"Here is your life."
It's embarrassing.
Oh, hush up, Mr. party poop bug.
It will be fun, fun, fun!
We're going to have guests who
will talk about you, and surprises,
and afterwards, we're all going to
a party downtown at the taco king.
The taco king?
It's where the refried bean reigns supreme.
All rightie.
Here comes your life.
Can't we skip this garbage
and go straight to the tacos?
No. Now, pipe down.
Ah, zorak, what can one say?
Born into a small family made
even smaller by disgusting acts
of cannibalism, you quickly entered
into young bughood and a life of evil.
Hail evil.
Hail evil.
May I continue?
It's your show.
Now, zorak, tell me if you remember
this voice from your criminal past.
Well, um Do you remember this voice?
Hi, zorak.
My name is Brak.
Hmm Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell.
This one?
Hey, zorak, you evil locust.
Aah! Work with me here.
Now, do you know this voice?
Hey there, zorak.
Remember that cavity search warden
Smith put us through that one wacky
new year's?
I give up.
You're not even trying, are you?
Shh! Don't give him any hints.
I don't know.
No, no, no!
Lord, man, don't you know your own life?
It's your old cellmate from prison
planet Alpha d. D.-7, master villain
and would-be world conqueror, cyclo.
Hey, zorak.
SoWhat you been doing?
Oh, the usual.
10 to life.
Ha ha ha!
Ahem. Sorry.
Well, see ya, zorak.
Uh, yeah.
So long, cyclo.
So, cyclo, will you be joining us
at the taco master after the show?
I can't, stupid.
I'm in jail.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Being here tonight reminds
me of how much I miss prison.
Ha ha ha!
Isn't this "here is your life"
stuff great, zorak?
If we're really going to do this,
I got to go change vests.
Ok. Here's our first special guest to
tell us all about zorak and his ilk.
Greetings, citizen.
Welcome to zorak's life.
Hi there.
Identify yourself to the universe, please.
I'm maxcy nolan, Professor of
entomology at the university of Georgia.
Um That means "bug guy," right?
Um That means "bug guy," right?
Great! We've brought you here
tonight to talk to us about
our little friend-- the great zorak.
Uh, look, friend, I know zorak, ok?
And he's not that great.
Got that?
As I was saying, this is our
mantis of the quarter hour--zorak.
Hi, zorak.
Kiss my-- pretty scary, huh? Huh?
Yes, yes.
Freaky, in fact.
6 feet in size 6 feet in size
and a praying mantis at that.
And evil to boot.
Now, technically, is zorak an insect or a pest?
What is your definition of a pest?
I don't know.
I asked you.
A plant out of place is called what?
A transplant?
A weed.
I knew that.
An insect that's out of place
and doing bad things is called-- a weed.
A pest.
What category should we place zorak in today?
I think that's very clear.
Yep. He's a pesty insect pest.
But shouldn't he have 6 legs?
Well, they're supposed to have 6 legs.
How many legs does zorak have?
2 legs Um2 arms Kind of got a beak.
Is it possible that under that red vest
Red vest He is carrying
an extra set of arms that no
one has found out about yet?
Ugh! Barf!
Actually, that's where I keep my mintos,
das freshmaker.
Have you ever dipped a mantis into rich,
creamy milk chocolate?
I've taken mantis, and I have dipped them in
Alcohol and made them drunk.
Sign me up!
Hello, sailor!
Why do you like these evil green things anyway?
One thing that I find just most
absolutely amazing about the mantises
is the fact that they can stand
motionless for hours, literally not moving
any body part that is visible.
Actually, nobody moves much
in a Hanna-barbera cartoon.
That's very interesting.
Not really.
Well, thanks for being with us,
Mr. nolan, and telling us all about
Will we see you at ye olde
taco shoppe after the big show?
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
I'll take that as a maybe.
Ok, folks. Next we have an old
film clip of zorak to show you.
Ye gods! You're not going to
show that old thing, are you?
That's right. We're going to see the
first time I ever met our evil-weevil
little bug pal and beat the
living daylights out of him.
It's called, simply, zorak.
UhSorry, man.
So Space Ghost is not here,
but he left us 2 hostages.
I can still have my revenge.
Where are we going?
No questions.
"It's a trade"
"Signed, zorak."
Those stupid kids.
Why did I even bother?
What have you done with jan and jace, zorak?
They are right here, Space Ghost,
and they are still alive.
And they will stay that way if you follow orders.
It's your life I want, not the hostages.
Man, zorak, what was with your voice back then?
Yeah, well, what's up with your voice?
Ha ha ha ha!
Those sounds you hear are my
killer mosquitoids, Space Ghost.
Not the killer mosquitos. Ooh!
Ok. Watch what I do here.
Ha ha! You thought you had me here, didn't you?
It's blip with my power bands.
Good work, blip.
Space Ghost has regained his powers.
Take them to the flying bomb.
I've got to get them out.
Flying time bomb?
Ha! Brilliant.
Ha! Brilliant.
Boy, are we glad to see you.
No time to talk.
Take these emergency rocket packs and eject fast.
I'll head this ship back to
zorak with our best wishes.
There, zorak.
Let's see if you can take it
as well as you can dish it out.
Oh, do we need to watch this part?
Oh, hold on. Hold on.
This is so good.
Ha ha ha! Did you-- did you see that,
where I blew up his planet?
Ha ha! Oh, man!
Feh! I would have defeated you if
it wasn't for those meddling kids
And that monkey.
Well, I mean, putting jet packs in the rocket?
That's not too smart.
Oh, shut up!
Hey, Moltar, let's see that footage
of zorak's planet blowing up
one more time.
Ha ha!
I'm sorry, zorak.
I'm not laughing at you.
I wasI was Ha ha! Well Well,
ok, I was laughing at you.
Ha ha ha ha!
Say, zorak, just how did you
escape certain death when I blew up
your planet?
II crouched.
Down low, behind a rock.
Our next guest is an expert in pest control.
That means killing insects.
Greetings, citizen.
Welcome to zorak's life.
Thank you for having me.
Identify yourself, please.
Steve Arnold, peachtree pest control.
Boo! Boo!
Pest control?
That's right.
Pest control.
That means you kill insects, right?
Uh, yeah. We try not to use
those words, if possible.
Why not?
Them's good words.
Say, Steve, you know,
I need help controlling a pest.
You know, I need help controlling a pest.
I was afraid you was going to bring him up.
Oh, he's my, um I know. Ha ha ha!
Uh, you know who he is?
Know him quite well.
Gonna get you.
Ooh! Pretty scary, isn't he?
Only when he's looking my way.
Gonna get you!
What would you use to control pests like zorak?
Uh, hammers, bricks, 2 by 4s.
You go right at it, huh?
I go in there with intent to kill,
destroy, eliminate.
Sounds good. Do you have anything cool
you say right before you whack 'em?
"Take this."
Take this. Hmm.
Take this.
Take this!
Take this.
Take this.
Take this and this and this. And this.
I like it very much.
I like it very much.
It's short, it's simple, and it usually works.
Do you mind if I use it?
Can I take "take this?"
It's yours.
Say, Steve, what else can we learn about manti?
The Mantis family has a tendency
to be cannibalistic of their own kind.
Knew that one already, thanks.
Here's a stumper.
Any idea why mantises wear cheap polyester vests?
Any idea why mantises wear cheap polyester vests?
Uh, to impress the females, I would assume.
It used to work in the sixties back here on earth.
It doesn't work nowadays.
Do any other pests wear polyester?
No. Matter of fact, most of them
have moved up into the wools
and silk blends.
Ha! Well, thanks for being with us,
Mr. insect killer.
Thank you for having me.
Gonna get you.
Well, zorak, there you have it--
your miserable little life.
I only have one thing to say, Space Ghost.
Here is your death!
Ha ha ha!
Jerk! That hurt.
It was supposed to.
Oh, I see.
Well, take that!
EhWhat a night.
I've never been so humiliated.
I wish I wish I'd never been born.
Hey, what's going on?
Is Turner de-colorizing now?
Zuzu's petals!
But it can't be.
I ate you episodes ago.
I'm an angel now, Uncle zorak, second class,
and I'm here to show you what life
would have been like if you had never
been born.
Oh, brother. Everybody has to do shtick.
Oh, brother. Everybody has to do shtick.
Look, Uncle zorak, if you hadn't
been born, look, Uncle zorak,
if you hadn't been born, diff'rent strokes
would still be on the air.
What you talkin'
'bout, Raymond?
Lokar would have gotten your job on the show.
No way!
Space Ghost's show would have been a huge success.
He would have been elected governor
of California and then president
of the whole universe.
What? You mean all that would
have happened if I wasn't born?
Raymond I want to live!
I want to make Space Ghost miserable!
Thanks, Uncle zorak.
I'm alive!
You hear that, you old ghost planet?
Previous EpisodeNext Episode