Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e09 Episode Script


Hello and how do, folks!
This is tansut, fearless space criminal,
welcoming you to Space Ghost coast to coast.
I'm not allowed to say who the guests
are tonight because two villains whose
name I won't mention but they're are on this show
said they would hit me in
the face if I told anybody.
I don't know what the point
of being an announcer is
if I can't announce something!
I hate this job!
Greetings! I'm Space Ghost.
On tonight's show, we have Ohio
state senator Howard metzenbaum
and America's most lovable drunk, foster Brooks.
Ready when you are.
Zorak, what's that on your head?
A cap.
Uh-huh. And does that say "Sci-Fi con '97"?
You know, I believe it does.
And when was this "Sci-Fi con '97"?
Oh, uh, last weekend.
And all last week.
Here? On ghost planet? Why wasn't I invited?
We only invite guests of honor.
Everyone else is 4.50 a day
or 12 bucks for the weekend.
Oh, yeah.
Well, then who was your guest of honor?
Bill mumy.
He signed my helmet.
Bill mumy? You honored bill mumy?
What did the famous bill mumy do to get invited?
Only Babylon 5.
Lost in space. Twilight zone.
Space cases.
Oh, and he was the only one to
play the child version of Darrin
Stephens on bewitched.
Bewitched isn't Sci-Fi.
It's got witches.
Oh, yeah, magic. I'll give you that one.
Duh! Ok, ok, ok!
I can't believe this!
I sit here with you guys week after week,
and here you go behind my back
and invite mumy?
And here you go behind my back and invite mumy?
Uh, he's your first guest.
My first guest?
Where's metzenbaum?!
Uh, he's been detained.
Uh, he's been detained.
On the planet rumyung-Yung-sun Sun.
On the planet rumyung-Yung-sun Sun.
There is no planet rumyung-Yung-sun-sun.
Well that's where he is.
Zorak? Don't look at me.
You didn't even book Howard metzenbaum, did you?
Did you?!
Here's bill.
Don't do it.
Come on, he came a long way.
Space Ghost I'm just gonna keep
on blasting the screen until you
get rid of him.
Uh, can't let you out there just yet, bill.
We're, uh, having some technical problems.
Thank you, sir.
Aw, nuts ran out of juice.
Now, Moltar, now!
Space Ghost, pleasure to be here with you, sir.
Zorak, you're looking good.
Thanks, bill.
Moltar, how you doin', man?
He can sit there, but I won't talk to him.
Did you have a good time at Sci-Fi con?
Yeah, absolutely.
Man, the costume show was awesome.
I'm not listening to you
it was a great time had by all
Except for Space Ghost. Ha ha ha ha!
Yep. Yep, it was a fun 8 days, you know?
Look! I drew a piggy!
Er, uh so, bill, er, uh so,
bill, tell us about the worst lost
in space episode ever.
Tell us about the worst lost in space episode ever.
Yeah, like you told the panel at the convention.
Oh, yeah. Well, this was called
"the great vegetable rebellion,"
and the Jupiter ii had landed on a
planet with sentient vegetables,
and the Jupiter ii had landed on a
planet with sentient vegetables,
and while we were collecting specimens
For our galley for dinner,
we started this great rebellion
by this talking carrot named tybo,
and it's really more than I'd even
hoped to remember about that show.
Than I'd ever hoped to remember. Blah blah blah!
Now, if you'll excuse me, boys, I've got to go.
UhSo, bill Uh, what was
the name of that carrot again?
There. That's done.
What did you just do?
Oh, I unplugged the feed.
That's ok, isn't it, Moltar?
You idiot. Why did you do that?
Now I got to go downstairs
and reboot the entire system.
Now I got to go downstairs
and reboot the entire system.
You know, zorak, I've been thinking
of having my own convention.
It'll be called Space Ghost con '97!
And it won't involve you, because I don't need you.
Knock yourself out.
What are you wearing?
I am gowron, leader of the
klingon high council. You have
dishonored your family name, worf, son of mog!
I said, I am gowron, leader of the
klingon take off that stupid hat!
It's a mask.
I don't care what it is! It's not
getting you into Space Ghost con '97.
Take it off!
Space Ghost?
Um, foster Brooks has,
uh Also been detained on the
planet rumyung-Yung-sun-sun?
And who do you propose we replace him with?
Well, mark hamill's here.
The star wars guy?
The star wars guy.
He was here for your dumb convention, wasn't he?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
He was here for the, uh The
Corvette summer convention.
Yeah, the Corvette summer
convention At theLa quinta.
Yeah, down the, umStreet.
Yeah, down the street.
Huh. Well, maybe he'll take part in
Ahem Space Ghost con '97!
Heh heh. Maybe he won't.
Yeah. Maybe he's got other plans.
Oh, what do you guys know?
Uh, this is mark hamill here.
Wow! Look who's here, young people!
It's none other than Duke fartknocker.
Luke Skywalker.
Luke skytopper of the popular
space wars science fiction
mega-empire franchise.
Uh, I think it's much more
along the lines of a fairy tale
than it is straightforward science fiction.
Whatever, Professor.
How's Chewie?
Chewie? Well, you know,
uh Ha ha ha! You and me both.
But seriously, mark,
was it scary working with lord vader?
James Earl Jones is just such a
gifted person, and, uh Prowse.
David prowse.
He played vader in the movie version, not Jones.
Maybe I said a dirty word.
Oh, you did, pal.
David prowse? Are you joking?
If this is a joke, I'm not laughing.
Prowse is the true lord vader.
Prowse?! He was a figurehead.
It is Jones who was the true vader.
Answer me this, Moltar Who patrolled
the galleys of the death star?
The ewoks.
Don't patronize me, bantha fodder!
Well, if you consulted your handbook,
you would know it was the
Yes, of course, but who led them, Moltar? Huh?
Who led 'em?
Refresh my memory on this one, if you please.
Would that be pr prPr Prowse?
Prowse? But he exactly!
exactly, Moltar. That's exactly what I thought.
Hey, what do you fellas
think of those ghostbusters?
You'd think they'd scare me because I'm
You know, I'm a ghost.
I mean, hey, zorak, who you gonna call?
I mean, hey, zorak, who you gonna call?
I'm gonna call you an idiot.
You heard me mouth-breather.
Trust in your feelings, tad.
Use the power bands.
Wouldn't be interested in a new
career as a sidekick, would you?
Well, you know, it beats ed McMahon.
I must warn you, you would be
required to laugh at the outrageously
hilarious antics of a talk show in outer space.
Ha ha ha ha! Yes! I can do that.
I like your attitude, hamill.
Come in Monday for paperwork.
Ha ha ha ha! Yes!
Whoa! Save some for the convention, buddy.
Ha ha ha ha! Yes!
So, what do you do at these conventions?
Do you, say, show how you
ate breakfast on Tatooine?
Is it "Tatooine"?
Oh. Me eating cereal would be
Hmm. Impressive.
This is just sad.
That's amazing, mark!
Would you bring your imaginary
bowl of cereal to my convention?
That'd be great. If I'm in
your galaxy, I'll stop on by.
Great! Then I'll see you at Space Ghost con '97.
Thank you so much for having me.
I don't know he sounded iffy.
That's not the Luke skytopper I know.
You don't know Luke Skywalker.
Can you ever really know a man, zorak?
I mean, sure, you can know
what he does, where he lives,
the way his hair smells in the
morning after a brief rain
Wait a second. I've got to buy
supplies for Space Ghost con '97!
What a selection!
You don't have to be a superhero
to appreciate these supersavings.
This is CNN.
Oh, and, uh, Luke I'm your father.
Did youGet to sign my helmet yet uh, son?
Yeah, I signed it.
It was great having you at our Sci-Fi con, man.
Thanks so much.
You're not really going to
Space Ghost con, are you?
No, no, no.
I was working, and I have another
job after this, actually.
The future of convention excitement
awaits you at Space Ghost con '97!
Space Ghost con '97!
Use the phone, tad.
The phone lines are open to order
your tickets to Space Ghost con '97
featuring me, Space Ghost.
Call now. The lines are open, and I'm standing by.
Lines are open.
Tad, remind them about the free patch.
First 10 callers get a free patch.
And did you mention the balloons for the kids?
Balloons for the kids.
Space Ghost con '97.
Whole lot of fun.
Tad, maybe mention the patch thing again.
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