Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s05e03 Episode Script


Boys, this is it.
I'm in love.
With us?
No. With merrill.
I'm not sure if I remember how to
behave around women of the opposite sex.
Questions? Comments?
Oh, uh, take your shirt off.
Yeah. Take your shirt off and chase her around.
I can see I'll need to bring in an expert.
Moltar, book Lee majors.
greeting! I'm Space Ghost.
Zorak, you've got something on your face.
Oh, it's your nose!
Ha ha ha!
Moltar, you also have something on your face.
Oh, it's your breathing receptacle!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
I'm playful because I'm so deeply in love.
My guests tonight include the ravishing,
radiant, and most resplendent lady
ever to grace this desperate,
lonely hovel-- writer merrill markoe!
As well as Hollywood's leading love authority-- Lee majors!
Moltar, we can't have Lee majors in here
pawing my precious merrill. What were you thinking?
We can't get him anyway. How about Adam carolla?
Um, Hollywood's leading love authority-- Adam carolla!
Zorak, play me to the desk.
You're already at the desk.
Oh, yeah.
I must be crazed with desire.
Moltar, bring in my first desk.
This woman, she means a lot to you, huh?
Yeah, zorak.
I'm the happiest I've been since my action series days.
SheCompletes me.
Why is that interesting?
Space Ghost.
Greetings, Adam. How you doing?
I'm well, thank you.
And thank you for agreeing to help me get some advice
for my rendezvous with merrill.
Well, it is part of my job, you know.
Yeah, right. Adam, love is the universal language,
and seeing as I'm not from your universe, I need your help.
Will my relationship with merrill suffer
because of our differing gravitational backgrounds?
No. Although I don't believe your refractory period
is quite as long in the absence of gravity.
Refractory period?
I believe even superheroes have refractory periods, don't they?
Is she here yet?
What's a refractory period?
I'll show you later.
Maybe you should explain what you're talking about
to some of our less sophisticated viewers.
Well, that is the time between hugging your partner.
You know, Adam, I can hug all night.
Although I never see you with any women.
What do you mean? Women are all over me
like proton shields on the lost city of guf.
But yet you go home from the studio each night alone.
I have my puzzles.
But you can't squeeze puzzles.
You could squeeze puzzles.
Yeah, but the covered bridge you just made
would break and go into a million pieces,
and you'd have to rebuild it again on your lonely kitchen table.
Not if you laminate them.
You know what, Moltar, I would like to say,
not only do I know letterman-- I know Jay leno,
and I would recommend that,
if you allow me to intercede on your behalf,
I can try and get you a job with Jay leno.
Would I be allowed to bring my oily directing rags?
Absolutely. You can bring all the flammables you like.
Oh, hi, merrill!
Uh-oh. Ahem!
So, yeah, hang on while I go let
Space Ghost know that you're here.
Moltar, why didn't you tell me merrill was here?
Merrill's here.
Thanks for the update, Geraldo. Send her in, you dumb clown,
and don't screw it up or you're dead!
See you out there, merrill.
Ok, Adam, that's all the time we have. Thanks for stopping by.
You're on the cartoon network, right?
You know, that's really a Moltar question.
Hang on, and I'll transfer you.
Hmm. Minty or mediciney?
Oh, I can't tell!
My next guest is a very special lady.
She means the planet to me, and we couldn't be happier together.
Miss merrill markoe.
Well, here we are.
Together at last.
You And I.
Together at last.
Is this the beginning of the interview?
You like toast?
Do you like toast?
We have a lot in common. Right?
Don't we?
You know. Because, uh Because of the toast and all.
Pardon me, merrill. I think someone's at my door.
You're going to take off in the middle
of my interview and answer the door?
SoDo you come here often?
I've been on before. You don't recall?
Oh, yes. How could I forget?
It must be wonderful to be so talented and yet So beautiful.
By the way, I love your body Of work.
Help me, Adam. I ran out of things to talk about.
I think she might be intimidated by my remarkable physique.
Women want They like a humbler man.
Humbler, eh?
Well, then I shall unleash a firestorm of humility
the likes of which this universe has never seen!
And when I'm not making cheese,
I spend a lot of my time line-dancing.
Would you be willing to dance with me? Oh, you bet.
Merrill. Shh! Wait, wait.
Merrill, have I ever told you about how I'm amazing?
You mind if I ask you a personal question?
Not at all. We should get to know each other better.
I'm wondering-- are you married?
Not yet, my pretty pony.
Hmm. Interesting.
Why is that interesting?
I don't know.
Are there any females on your show at all?
I've never seen a female on your show.
You're on-- besides me.
I mean, in the group that participates in the show.
You have that-- zorak's a woman. Aren't youHoney?
Nope. I'm all man, and I can prove it.
Sit down, you crazy broad!
Ha ha ha ha! Women.
So you don't have any women at all on your show.
What are you getting at?
Well, it just strikes me as being You know, very Macho?
Well, no.
What, then?
Uh, pardon me, merrill. I think someone's at my door.
Oh, jeez!
Merrill, I'm sorry. I don't know why he's treating you this way.
He should be asking you about your new book.
Merrill markoe's guide to love.
I bet it's pretty interesting.
It looks fascinating Like you, merrill.
Adam, she's slipping through my fingers. What do I do?
Hmm. Beat it, simpleton.
Moltar, what are you doing?!
You don't need that guy, Space Ghost. I know how women work.
You do? Tell me!
Ok, now, listen up.
Do you like dogs? I need to know.
I mean, if we're going to spend time together,
I need to know if you like dogs.
Do I like dogs? I love dogs!
Why? Do you have a dog?
My dog Louis.
Oh, he's darling!
That's my dog Tex.
Ooh, he's a big boy!
Be a man, Space Ghost!
You're right. You're right.
Of course I'm right. Now, get out there and show me something.
Hey, winky! What about bo?
That's right. I don't have a picture of bo.
Do you know bo?
I know all about you, merrill.
Hey, woman, my dinner ready yet?
No? Well, then, go iron my jeans.
I think you're starting to offend me now.
This is how we men are, merrill, so get used to it!
Are you kind of simple-minded?
Huh? You are about the most annoying talk show host
I've ever dealt with, and I've dealt with them all.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're the guest who was a whole lot funnier
the last time she was on.
How do you expect me to keep up any
energy or mood with you being that rude?
But I'm supposed to be rude. I'm your lover.
Now you're telling me I'm not funny.
Hey. You're telling me I was funnier
before and I'm not as funny now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What do you want from me?
Come over here and give me a kiss.
Hmm? Plant one on me. You know you want to.
Oh, don't you start.
Don't you even try.
Yeah, right. Now, come on.
I would find that Delightful? Dangerous and repellent.
Don't mess with me that way.
Here. I'll make it easy for you.
Listen, I think I didn't come here to be insulted by you.
What do you want from me?
How about a foot rub?
I'm never coming on this show again.
Moltar! I don't even care what planet this is.
You'll never see me again.
Where's Adam, you dolt? I need some good advice.
It's too late for that.
Check this out.
Now that you mention it, it is appealing in a dangerous way.
Yeah, I would like that. Do you mean it in an affectionate way?
Mm. Mmm.
What in Gordon's seed is going on in here!
No! My pretty pony!
Why, zorak? Why? You could have had any woman you wanted,
but you chose the woman I love almost as much as I love myself!
You ruined my life! You ruined her life!
And now I'm going to ruin your life!
Next week, join spacey and friends as
they welcome the Tampa bay buccaneers.
Think they're going to need a bigger monitor.
Right now, let's meet a disgruntled employee
who earned a little o.T.
By making the boss' wife scream, "oh, me!"
Ladies and gentlemen, preops and postops,
introducing our talk soup clip of the week!
I didn't even like her.
I just wanted to ruin Space Ghost's life.
Get him off of me!
Ha ha!
Take that!
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