Splitting Up Together (US) (2018) s02e18 Episode Script

Welcome Home

1 Milo! Dinner! What could you possibly be sighing about at your age? Whooping cough is going around.
Was that a whoop? Sounded kind of whoopish.
It's "Grandparents' Day" at school next week.
I know.
We're all set.
- My dad is - A dud.
No offense, but the guy's a walking golf shirt.
Just a super bland person who's led an incredibly uneventful life.
Milo! That's that's not nice.
Or true! My dad is very interesting.
I might even say he's fascinating.
How so? Did my dad ever tell you about how much a hamburger cost when he was your age? That's not gonna cut it.
I wish your dad wasn't dead.
Oh, he's not.
He's just dead to me.
Now, that's interesting.
None of you kids remember Grampa Brock? I kinda do.
How come you guys don't talk anymore? Well, it's part of a long-standing tradition with the men in my family.
My dad didn't talk to his dad, and his father disowned his, and so on and so forth.
- Wait, does does that mean - Probably.
I mean, I'm gonna want to talk to you.
You're just not gonna want to talk to me.
- You'll see.
- Interesting.
I talk to my family.
So, do we each get one relative we can reject when we're older? Lots of great candidates, but - I'm leaning towards - Mae! Just call him, Dad.
You'll feel better.
Ha! You really don't remember him, huh? You should be happy that you have one grandfather who's willing and able to participate.
Can I at least say he was part of a cult or something? No, but you can tell people he once saw Garry Shandling at the airport.
- Not true.
- Half-truth.
'Cause it turned out it wasn't Garry Shandling, but your grandpa said it looked exactly like him.
Keep giving me hope for a better day Keep giving me love to find a way Through this heaviness I feel, I just need - Someone to say everything's okay Everything's okay Okay, so, if I add vacation pay brings us to negative $1,200.
We're bleeding money, baby.
It-it's Lisa.
She's on the FaceTime.
Was there a wildfire? - Ask her.
Ask her.
- No.
There was no fire, no earthquake, no mudslide.
Just financial ruin.
I just wanted to let you guys know not to turn my room into a solarium, because seems like I - Oh, it's happening! - She's coming home trouble Oh, I'm so glad we bought the crib! Honey, we're gonna get a bassinet.
I think Annie, no.
You are gonna love Idaho.
Until you realize other places exist.
Then you're gonna hate it.
You're gonna hate it so much, Annie.
Oh, man! FJ rocks so hard! I'm serious.
He is just aces! Yeah.
Hey, I got a little work to do.
Mind if I set up on the table? No.
I'm gonna listen to this podcast that Lena told me about.
Podcasts! What a world! Mm.
The cities change, but the pattern stays the same a handsome man with Southern charm romances a complete stranger then slowly takes control of her money, her family, her life.
Investigators called him the "Silver Stalker," but many of his victims didn't even know his last name.
They simply knew him as Frank.
That's crazy, right? I mean, Frank is not the Silver Stalker.
No! You're not dating America's most popular sociopath.
Frank is a Pasadena dad.
The guy from the podcast is a drifter.
Yeah, but mine could've drifted here from Pasadena.
He could've drifted over.
Is that a rib? Should he be eating solids already? Kid was born with a full set of teeth.
What do you want me to do? - I know, but it - Lena, please.
FJ is capable of making his own food choices.
And today, he chose tangy, Kansas City-style barbecue.
If he was the Stalker, he probably wouldn't be dumb enough to still go by "Frank," right? Although it would be the perfect way to throw people off his scent.
It's a fun podcast, right? Ooh, yeah, baby.
Remove it.
"Remove it"? Yeah.
Isn't that what you say? Like, to a stripper? I certainly wouldn't know.
Good answer.
Now remove it.
Mm, mm Maybe don't.
So, listen, I was thinking about what Mae said, and I called Charmayne.
Who? Your cousin Randy's second wife? - She gave me your dad's contact info! - Lena Just in case you change your mind! I won't.
Honestly, if I want to be ridiculed, I could just stop by Mae's room.
But he's family.
Don't you think it's sad that you don't have a relationship with your dad? Come on, Lena.
You've met the guy.
He's a selfish jerk.
He blew off our wedding 'cause it was trout season.
How would you feel if one of our kids grew up and refused to talk to you? Well, if it were because I was a toxic person who made them chronically unhappy, I guess I'd understand.
But I don't refuse to talk to him.
It's not like he's beating down my door.
- Brock! - What are you doing here? Sorry for your loss, Lena.
I told him Dad died so he would come.
Now, this is what I'm talking about.
You should see the other grandpa I've been working with.
Martin's not dead? Oh, geez.
Hi, Pa.
Just figures.
No way Mr.
Hollywood here would have the balls to do anything to get himself killed.
I'm sorry.
Are you mocking me for not getting killed? Pffft.
Almost forgot.
Caught this little baby on the drive down here.
Oh, my goodness, Brock, look at the size of that thing! Aw, come on.
Can we eat it for dinner, Pa? Don't call him that.
Why don't I go gut it? Uh, yes.
Uh, Milo, take your Grampa Brock around back so he doesn't get his giant fish juice in the house.
So, the nurse says, "You wanna know what you're havin'?" So I say, "Sure.
" - So she says - "Congratulations.
It's a girl.
" A girl?! But Dad's a boy! - Not according to medical science.
- Okay.
It's a common mistake.
It happens all the time with ultrasounds.
I mean, I painted his room peach.
Peach! Anyway, that's - my favorite Martin story.
- Oh! There you go, folks.
Nothing I've done while alive can compete with the time they couldn't find my fetal penis in an ultrasound.
Couldn't find it - at all.
- Okay.
I mean, Mae, come on.
I'll allow it.
It just so happens that I would've loved a peach room.
Okay? Peach is one of my favorite colors.
And fruits.
God bless.
I don't have a problem with any, you know, groups.
And you two enjoy the fish.
- We will.
- Thank you? So, what are you doing these days, kid? Still working at that car rental place? The place that I worked at one summer during high school? Yeah Yeah, I'm still still there, Pa.
- Mm.
- Martin works for Forager.
! - Yeah.
- That place that sells the heated tents to metrosexuals? You really instilled a love of the outdoors in Martin.
You must feel so proud that he's followed in your footsteps.
He didn't follow in my footsteps, okay? I wouldn't take a leak on Forager gear if it was on fire.
And I love taking leaks on fires.
Tell me about it! Forager makes top-of-the-line survival gear, okay? We did a company retreat in Yosemite.
Yeah, so they could sell those overpriced canteens that are probably made in Bangladesh.
No offense.
Y-You think we're from Bangladesh? I don't want any trouble, okay? You shoving off after dinner, Pa? What?! No! He has to stay for Grandparents' Day! - Please, Grampa Brock? - Aw, I don't want to be a burden, Mijo.
His name's Milo.
It wouldn't be a burden.
But maybe in the garage you know, just so that we're not all crowded under one roof.
I don't need anything fancy.
Well, it's not fancy.
It's a garage.
But it's the perfect place to house family.
And nothing's more important, right? Martin was so upset, he left right after dinner said he needed to clear his head.
He went for a run in his jeans.
Seriously, Dad, compared to him, you were Sorry who's a famously good dad? Billy Ray Cyrus.
Really? Feel like the jury's still out on that one.
Oh, no.
He nailed it.
Well, Ray Cyruses aside, I don't want the kids thinking it's okay to turn your back on family.
I mean, look at us! Look at how tight-knit our group is, right? Right?! - So rude! Maya, say "Right"! - Right.
Why'd you even come on this walk if you were just gonna listen to that stupid podcast? You're driving yourself nuts.
- Okay.
Got to run.
- Bye, doll.
What if I'm not nuts? The Silver Stalker has a razor-sharp jawline and oppressive positivity, and he preys on the desperate and strange.
I mean You're doing it again.
You are sabotaging your relationship because you're afraid to be happy.
Look, there's got to be a way to prove it isn't him.
Didn't the Silver Stalker have some weird phobias? I don't know.
I didn't finish it.
Dogs! He's deathly afraid of dogs! That's how they almost caught him in Fort Collins.
Dad, could I borrow Dander for, like, an hour? Ooh, hold on! Don't come any closer.
I knew it.
You're afraid of dogs! Afraid of dogs? Heck no, girl.
That's man's best friend right there! I'm just super allergic.
Allergic? Ohh.
He's a heart-melter, isn't he? Oh, yes, you are! Oh, you're such a cutie! Oh, God Oh, Go Okay.
I'm going in.
All right.
Now I'm gonna rash out hard.
That's a given.
But if I stop breathing, I'm gonna need you to punch a hole right here in my trach.
Okay? Now, if I flatline, I need you to bring me back with this and then give me two of these.
Now, once I return to this plane, I'm gonna beg you to let me sleep.
You must not let me sleep.
Now, I'm gonna say all kinds of things and I'm gonna act normal.
I'm gonna be like, "What's the big deal? It's just a little sleep.
I'll be fine, girl" but I won't be.
I'll never wake.
That's right! I'm never gonna wake up! Okay.
Come here, boy! Come here! Aah! No, no, Frank! No! Dang! Look how protective you are of me.
Oh, I love it! I picked a good one.
You know, I haven't been on a dog-less walk in quite a while.
It's kind of nice mellow.
I can go any which way.
Crap! Okay, well, she hasn't seen you yet.
You could duck behind that tree with me.
Dad, no! You know, I've been avoiding seeing her ever since you got in my head about that whole Martin thing.
I'm gonna go say "hi.
" Well, I'm not.
I'll call you later.
Hey, can I help you with that? Uh, thanks.
What are you doing? Skipping town? Oh, you actually are.
I tried.
I really did.
And the extra support from you guys helped, but I'm just drowning in expenses.
And juggling a new job and a new baby.
I get it.
He's gonna be mad, huh? Not mad sad.
Thank you for everything, Lena.
Come say goodbye before you leave? I mean, you acknowledge that he's a miserable son of a bitch, right? - You see that? - Oh, totally.
Yet, and in my entire adult life, he has not done one nice thing for me.
I mean, why is he still even here? Huh? When he found out I wasn't dead, why didn't he just leave? Lisa's moving back to Idaho.
What? I ran into her loading up her car.
Well, was she planning on telling me? I think maybe she's working her way up to it.
I don't believe this.
Well, what are we gonna do? I guess we look into flights to Idaho, plan a visit.
You seem like you've made your peace with it.
Well, hey Look, no one fought harder to keep Lisa here than me.
In the end, I think this was the choice she was always gonna make.
So that's it? Unless you have another idea.
I think we just have to let the chips fall where they may.
Hey! So, how was Grandparents' Day? He killed it.
We totally won.
I'm sure it wasn't a competition.
Not by the time we got finished with it.
I'm gonna be shoving off soon.
Is Martin around? I got something for him.
Brock, you got Martin a gift? - Ah - That's so sweet.
Show her.
Let me guess Dad? Dad even had a girl name.
- Milo, it's not nice - It was Gwen! - Gwen? - Mom! I can't believe you went out of your way just to have a poster made in order to humiliate him.
I didn't go out of my way.
There's a Kinko's right across the street from the kid's school.
- Well - Hiding from Grampa Brock? No.
But is he gone yet? Almost.
With all due respect, your dad is a macho jerk.
Believe me I know.
Well, now I get why you are the way that you are.
What are you talking about? How am I? Oh, come on, Dad.
Always trying to convince me that I'm not supposed to have feelings, and when I do, not to show them? I don't do that.
Are you kidding? That's the majority of the advice you've given me.
That's great.
So I'm I'm like him? What? No! You're nothing like him.
That's how I know we'll still talk when I'm older.
You'd never walk away from your kids without a fight.
I wouldn't.
You got a divorce and didn't walk away.
Yeah, I didn't.
That's exactly right.
Thank, Mace.
Maya, are you robbing me? Oh.
Don't hurt me.
Just go.
W-why would I hurt you? You're my squeeze, girl! What are you hiding?! Hiding? Nothin', I'm an open book.
Go through my stuff pockets, e-mails, Venmo feed.
It's public.
So you're not the Silver Stalker? The podcast guy? He's in jail, serving a life sentence.
Didn't you Google him? I didn't want any spoilers.
I respect that.
Okay, let me get this straight.
If you're not pretending to be the nicest guy in the world, then you're actually the the nicest guy in the world? Girl I'm gonna murder you in your sleep.
Well sorry I missed him.
Say goodbye for me, will you, Stringbean? Will do.
Oh, and, um make sure he gets this.
- Why are you so hard on him? - Huh? All you do is make fun of him.
Is that why you dressed him up in girl clothes so you could tease him about it for the rest of his life? No.
It's just that your grandma and I didn't have a whole lot of money and we couldn't afford a second set of clothes.
We were worried about putting food on his plate.
Well, that actually sounds pretty rough.
Why didn't you just return the girl clothes? I guess I could've done that, but you know, returnin' stuff's kind of gay.
Bye, Grampa.
Hold on.
Do me a favor, will you? Tell your old man that, uh I once had a pair of gloves from Forager.
Make sure you tell him that they were pretty good gloves.
Don't tell him they were great gloves, 'cause they weren't.
That'd be a lie.
Just, uh, say they were decent.
I'm sure that'll mean the world to him.
All right.
See ya.
Oh! Hey, there you are! You were gone so long, we started to get worried.
Went to go talk to Lisa.
Babe, look at me.
I fixed it.
Fixed what? I thought about what you said.
About the chips falling where they may? No.
No, about the garage being the perfect place For cars? And storage? What? No.
No, for family.
Okay, see, I feel like, more recently, I have been talking about the chips.
Lisa and Annie should move into the garage.
Martin, that's crazy.
Babe, it's gonna help them out financially, we get to be close by and and and help.
Martin, she would never.
I've offered.
She didn't even wanna stay here for one night during the blackout, so I highly doubt that she's gonna suddenly move in just because you asked her.
Look, I don't want the kids not talking to me when they grow up.
Any of them.
And that includes Annie.
I wanna be a part of their lives.
We said it would just be for a short while.
Until, um till I get through this rough patch.
Of course.
Just, whatever you guys need.
Okay, I'm just, uh, just gonna get 'em set up in the garage.
Welcome home.
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years And the slow parade of fears Without crying - Now I want to understand - I have done all that I could - To see the evil and the good - Martin, what's wrong? You cheatin' on me with that Russian contractor? Are you from the South now? Doctor, my eyes Tell me what is wrong Was I unwise To leave them open for so long?