SpongeBob SquarePants s01e05 Episode Script

Ripped Pants

1 NARRATOR ( with French accent ): Ahh Goo Lagoon-- a stinky mud puddle to you and me, but to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful, stinky mud puddle.
( sighs ) What a great day! Hey, Sandy, look! I'm Sandy! ( chuckles ) ( in deep voice ): Hey, Sandy, who am I? ( laughing ) ( phone rings ) Hello, SpongeBob.
Could you keep it down? I'm trying to be boring.
( laughing ) SpongeBob.
( laughing ) ( doorbell rings ) Did anyone order 20 pepperoni and sand pizzas? ( both laughing ) DEEP VOICE: Hey, Sandy.
Hey, SpongeBob.
Hey, Larry.
You guys want to go lift some weights? Sure.
Well, come on, SpongeBob.
( grunting and groaning ) Give it a try, Sandy.
( grunts ) ( groaning ) Ee-yah! ( applause ) Whoa! Good job, Sandy.
That's about enough for today, don't you think? LARRY: How about a little more weight? Observe.
Yah! ( cheering and whooping ) All right, stand back, everyone.
Y'all watch this.
Ee-yah! ( cheering ) ( creaking ) ( crash ) ( groaning ) Way to go, Larry! ( crowd cheering ) Could I borrow a couple of these? Mm-hmm.
SPONGEBOB: And now, with the addition of two-- count' em, two-- marshmallows.
( cracking ) ( whirring ) ( squeaking ) ( creaks ) ( exhales loudly ) ( straining squeal ) ( snoring ) ( groaning ) ( cowbell clanging ) ( grunting ) ( cloth ripping ) ( all gasp ) ( gasp ) ( all laughing ) That was too funny.
You are hilarious! Ain't he the funniest little sponge you ever saw? Anybody up for some volleyball? ( crowd cheering ) I got it! ( crowd groans, cowbell clangs ) Incoming.
( crowd booing ) ( pants rip ) Oops! I guess I ripped my pants again.
( crowd laughing ) Once again, dude, you have split my sides.
( laughing ) Hey, Sandy! How about throwing it to me? Okay, here it comes.
( Frisbee whirring ) ( cuckoo sings ) I could use a hand here.
( giggles ) You okay, SpongeBob? I guess so except I ripped my pants! ( all laughing ) You still got it, dude.
( footsteps squeaking ) May I help you? I'll take a banana split.
Uh we don't have that.
That's okay.
I already split my pants, get it? ( giggling ) ( bored ): Tee-hee.
Anything else? How about ripple? ( giggling ) No, thanks, already got one.
( laughing ) ( footsteps sproinging ) Is that a burger you're eating? Why, yes, it is.
You know what would go good with that? No, what? Ripped pants.
( rip ) ( yelling ) Ripped pants a la mode.
( rip ) SPONGEBOB: Delivery! Did you order 20 cases of ripped pants? ( laughing ) ( groans disgustedly ) ANNOUNCER: Surf's up in the Goo Lagoon.
And here comes Larry, doing his trademark lay-back.
There goes Sandy, hanging ten fingers, that is.
There goes SpongeBob ( rip ) Ripping his pants again.
( rumbling ) Hey, look! A cardboard box washed up on the beach.
Holy fish paste! It's a guy! Why?! ( sobbing ): Why?! ( shrieking ): Why?! SpongeBob! Come closer.
I need I need ( gasping ) What do you need? A tailor.
Because I ripped my pants! ( laughing ) ( all grumbling ) SPECTATOR: That kind of stuff is uncalled for.
What is that? That wasn't funny, SpongeBob.
Y'all had me worried sick.
( rip ) SPONGEBOB: Come on, SpongeBob, you're losing them! Think! Your public's waiting.
Let's see "lifting weights-- big laugh.
"Frisbee in face-- kills.
"Surfing-- knocks 'em dead.
"Pretending to drown no.
" Come on, think! I got it! Hey, everybody.
Not ripped pants pants ripped off! Huh? Someone call the police.
There's a pants thief on the loose.
( wind howling ) ( voices in distance ) ( party music playing ) Oh, no! Everybody's gone, even Sandy.
She'd rather hang out with Larry.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We blew it, pants.
What do you mean, "we"? Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention.
Am I the biggest loser on the beach?! No, I am.
I forgot to put on sunscreen.
( electronic buzzing ) Ouch.
No, I am.
I got sand in my buns.
( thunderous rumbling ) No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach.
They buried me in the sand and forgot me.
ALL: What happened to you? I lost my best friend.
How? When I ripped ( rip ) My pants I thought that I had everybody on my side But I went and blew it all sky-high And now she won't even spare a passing glance All just because I ( rip ) Ripped my pants.
When big Larry came round Just to put him down SpongeBob turned into a clown And no girl ever wants to dance With a fool who went and ( rip ) Ripped his pants I know I shouldn't mope around I shouldn't curse But the pain feels so much worse 'Cause windin' up with no one is a lot less fun Than a burn from the sun Or sand in your buns Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget So listen and you won't regret Be true to yourself Don't miss Your chance And you won't end up Like the fool who ripped his pants.
( loud rip ) ( audience cheering ) SANDY: SpongeBob! Sandy! Your song is true.
If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself.
SpongeBob, that was so righteous.
Would you sign my pants? Absolutely, buddy.
( rips ) ( somebody whistles )