SpongeBob SquarePants s01e07 Episode Script
Plankton!
1 SQUIDWARD: One Krabby Patty for table two.
SpongeBob, I don't have the whole day! Oui, oui, une Krabby Patty, monsieur.
There's les patty.
Come on, SpongeBob! Next, l'ingredients.
Ah-whee! Les mustard.
Will you quit fooling around?! Where's my Krabby Patty? Les hold on a second.
And voila.
It's under your nose! ( cackles ) ( laughs ) You're killing me, SpongeBob.
Ha, ha! You really are.
SPONGEBOB: Look at it, Squidward-- Mr.
Krabs' gift to all of Bikini Bottom-- the Krabby Patty.
Okay, give it to me.
Come on, SpongeBob, stop it! I swear, I'm not doing anything.
Mr.
Krabs! That Krabby Patty is haunted! Avast, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost.
This is Plankton! Stealin' me booty! Hear me, Krabs-- when I discover your formula for Krabby Patties, I'll run you out of business.
I went to college! Hey! Let me go! Oh, I'll let you go, squirt on a flying saucer! ( laughs maliciously ) Back to the Chum Bucket with you! You'll pay for this, Krabs! Uh Plankton, sir? Aye, he's been trying to steal me secret formula for years.
But ye haven't got it yet, have ye, bug? ( both laugh ) ( stops laughing ) Okay.
Enough, lad, it wasn't that funny.
Get back to work! SPONGEBOB: Okay, Mr.
Krabs, see you tomorrow.
Good night, me boy.
PLANKTON: Psst young man Yes, over here.
Come on, boy, a little closer.
Closer.
Not that close! Ah! You blasted barnacle head! I mean hi! Plankton? Ouch! What do you want? I just want to talk.
You could say we're friends, right? Um no.
Acquaintances.
No.
Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we? I guess so.
You see, everything works out.
I have something for you.
I've been keeping it in my secret compartment.
Ching! Sparkle, sparkle! Wow! A golden spatula! And it's even got my name on it.
It's a gift.
A gift from a friend.
Friends give each other gifts.
And tomorrow is my birthday.
( toots ) And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? A booster seat? Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no.
What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those tender delicious Krabby Patties.
( cries out ) You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow! Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! Even if we are friends! Never, never, never, never! Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty.
And you're going to hand-deliver it to me personally, you weak-minded fool! ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) SPONGEBOB: Night, Gary.
( meows ) ( snoring ) ( chuckles ) SpongeBob, you will be mine.
WOMAN: Letters of the alphabet, a, b, c ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) It should be in here somewhere.
But where? Where? Oh.
This will be the beginning of the end.
( snoring ) Ouch! Stupid brain.
Come back here, you swine! Whoa oof! That's it, brain, you're going down! Yes, yes, that's grand.
And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan.
And now it's time for a little wakey-uppy.
Morning already? I I feel a little funny today.
Yeah, yeah! I have you now.
Time for a well-balanced breakfast.
This isn't what I had in mind.
Let me just grab my pants.
I guess I'm not wearing any pants today.
Oops! I guess I'm not using the door, either.
See you later, Gary I guess.
( Gary meows ) You're right, Gary, there is something wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some help! Squidward! Help! Be quiet, SpongeBob! Help! SpongeBob, what are you doing? I'm talking to you! SpongeBob, SpongeBob! Are you mad? ( in Plankton's voice ): Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
Mediocre? You pretentious little insignificant artist.
Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.
( in his own voice ): Something must be wrong with my brain! ( gasps ) Plankton! What kind of friend are you? Nonsense! You never liked me, anyway.
You wouldn't even come to my birthday party! Get out of my head! Leave my brain alone! ( with Plankton's voice ): Never! Never! ( laughs evilly ) ( sighs ) ( snoring ) Toot, toot! How about a little takeout? SPONGEBOB: Nope, no, never! ( Plankton laughing evilly ) You can't fool me, Plankton.
You want the Krabby Patty formula! PLANKTON: You are going to hand-deliver it to me personally.
No, no, no! There's no one here.
Don't remind me.
PLANKTON: Brace yourself, SpongeBob.
This is my lab! ( barks ) And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) I must fight.
( mumbling nonsensically ) No, no, no, no! ( screams ) Ow, ow, ow, ow! PLANKTON: There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it.
ANALYZER: Seaweed: 50% sea, 50% weed.
Impressed? Now let's reveal that secret formula.
And this little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty.
This little piggy will help me drop it in.
Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants? I I I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr.
Krabs down.
I let all of Bikini Bottom down.
But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
Mmm! With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
Steamy! SPONGEBOB: I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickle, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-seed buns.
Yes yes yes! Come to papa! Oh, boy.
( electricity crackles ) ( analyzer beeping ) Plankton: one percent evil, 99% hot gas.
Well, this stinks.
Well, patty, I guess we can go home now.
PLANKTON: SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! No!!! I'll settle for some fries.
SpongeBob, I don't have the whole day! Oui, oui, une Krabby Patty, monsieur.
There's les patty.
Come on, SpongeBob! Next, l'ingredients.
Ah-whee! Les mustard.
Will you quit fooling around?! Where's my Krabby Patty? Les hold on a second.
And voila.
It's under your nose! ( cackles ) ( laughs ) You're killing me, SpongeBob.
Ha, ha! You really are.
SPONGEBOB: Look at it, Squidward-- Mr.
Krabs' gift to all of Bikini Bottom-- the Krabby Patty.
Okay, give it to me.
Come on, SpongeBob, stop it! I swear, I'm not doing anything.
Mr.
Krabs! That Krabby Patty is haunted! Avast, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost.
This is Plankton! Stealin' me booty! Hear me, Krabs-- when I discover your formula for Krabby Patties, I'll run you out of business.
I went to college! Hey! Let me go! Oh, I'll let you go, squirt on a flying saucer! ( laughs maliciously ) Back to the Chum Bucket with you! You'll pay for this, Krabs! Uh Plankton, sir? Aye, he's been trying to steal me secret formula for years.
But ye haven't got it yet, have ye, bug? ( both laugh ) ( stops laughing ) Okay.
Enough, lad, it wasn't that funny.
Get back to work! SPONGEBOB: Okay, Mr.
Krabs, see you tomorrow.
Good night, me boy.
PLANKTON: Psst young man Yes, over here.
Come on, boy, a little closer.
Closer.
Not that close! Ah! You blasted barnacle head! I mean hi! Plankton? Ouch! What do you want? I just want to talk.
You could say we're friends, right? Um no.
Acquaintances.
No.
Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we? I guess so.
You see, everything works out.
I have something for you.
I've been keeping it in my secret compartment.
Ching! Sparkle, sparkle! Wow! A golden spatula! And it's even got my name on it.
It's a gift.
A gift from a friend.
Friends give each other gifts.
And tomorrow is my birthday.
( toots ) And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? A booster seat? Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no.
What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those tender delicious Krabby Patties.
( cries out ) You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow! Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! Even if we are friends! Never, never, never, never! Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty.
And you're going to hand-deliver it to me personally, you weak-minded fool! ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) SPONGEBOB: Night, Gary.
( meows ) ( snoring ) ( chuckles ) SpongeBob, you will be mine.
WOMAN: Letters of the alphabet, a, b, c ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) It should be in here somewhere.
But where? Where? Oh.
This will be the beginning of the end.
( snoring ) Ouch! Stupid brain.
Come back here, you swine! Whoa oof! That's it, brain, you're going down! Yes, yes, that's grand.
And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan.
And now it's time for a little wakey-uppy.
Morning already? I I feel a little funny today.
Yeah, yeah! I have you now.
Time for a well-balanced breakfast.
This isn't what I had in mind.
Let me just grab my pants.
I guess I'm not wearing any pants today.
Oops! I guess I'm not using the door, either.
See you later, Gary I guess.
( Gary meows ) You're right, Gary, there is something wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some help! Squidward! Help! Be quiet, SpongeBob! Help! SpongeBob, what are you doing? I'm talking to you! SpongeBob, SpongeBob! Are you mad? ( in Plankton's voice ): Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
Mediocre? You pretentious little insignificant artist.
Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.
( in his own voice ): Something must be wrong with my brain! ( gasps ) Plankton! What kind of friend are you? Nonsense! You never liked me, anyway.
You wouldn't even come to my birthday party! Get out of my head! Leave my brain alone! ( with Plankton's voice ): Never! Never! ( laughs evilly ) ( sighs ) ( snoring ) Toot, toot! How about a little takeout? SPONGEBOB: Nope, no, never! ( Plankton laughing evilly ) You can't fool me, Plankton.
You want the Krabby Patty formula! PLANKTON: You are going to hand-deliver it to me personally.
No, no, no! There's no one here.
Don't remind me.
PLANKTON: Brace yourself, SpongeBob.
This is my lab! ( barks ) And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? ( dramatic film music plays, sinister chuckling ) I must fight.
( mumbling nonsensically ) No, no, no, no! ( screams ) Ow, ow, ow, ow! PLANKTON: There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it.
ANALYZER: Seaweed: 50% sea, 50% weed.
Impressed? Now let's reveal that secret formula.
And this little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty.
This little piggy will help me drop it in.
Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants? I I I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr.
Krabs down.
I let all of Bikini Bottom down.
But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
Mmm! With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
Steamy! SPONGEBOB: I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickle, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-seed buns.
Yes yes yes! Come to papa! Oh, boy.
( electricity crackles ) ( analyzer beeping ) Plankton: one percent evil, 99% hot gas.
Well, this stinks.
Well, patty, I guess we can go home now.
PLANKTON: SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! No!!! I'll settle for some fries.