SpongeBob SquarePants s03e03 Episode Script
Club Spongebob
S03E03 - Club Spongebob Wey wook.
.
wits Widward!! [Hey look its Squidward!!.]
Wha-? Widwards woing wo work.
[Squidwards going to work.]
Wherewoes we work? Wat, we Wusty Wab? [Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab.]
Whats that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code? We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron he-he-he moronas a requirementhe-he-he.
Sorry Squidward.
.
but you couldn't get in even if you tried!! Well I'll have you know.
.
that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom.
What'd he say? I dunno, something about his nose? Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in! Oh what do you two zeros know about fitting in? Whyyou should be begging me to join! No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in! Well this is stupid there's no room up here!! That's what we've been trying to tell you!! We've been stuck up here for three days.
.
We told you, you wouldn't fit in.
.
Wellsince youre here Squidward well give you the new member initiation.
Are you ready Patrick? Ready! Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.
Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!! Whoa! Make a wish, honey.
AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO Oh, no.
That didn't just happen.
Please tell me that didn't happen!! What happened? Where are we? We're lost.
There's no way out!! Stuck.
.
in the middle of nowhere.
.
with SpongeBob and Patrick!! Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY? Oh cheer up Squid.
It could be worse.
Yeah.
You could be bald and have a big nose.
Well.
.
this is the end.
.
No it's not Squidward!! It's not? Come on guys, we're gonna be fine! As long as we're stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besideswe have THIS!! What's that? OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!! Magic Conch Shell will I ever get married? Maybe someday.
Oooohhhh You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us? Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch.
The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
The shell knows all!! Oh, Magic Conch Shellwhat do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest? Nothing.
THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!! Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.
.
from a TOY!! Alright.
Alright.
Alright!! I don't need your help.
I'm gonna find my way back to sanity.
But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! Sad clowns.
.
Haha.
Haha.
Sad.
Haha.
Haha.
Clowns.
Haha.
Haha.
What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! OhhI'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! Huh? Huh? Hhahahaha!! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick! Ohhthere's no way out of here.
How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm.
I am hungry.
I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? Aahhhhh Oooohh.
.
Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days.
.
How about you Patrick? A big boys gotta eat.
.
Well you can't have any.
.
And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!! If you had listened to me.
.
youd have food.
.
shelter.
.
and a roaring fire.
.
But instead.
.
you listen to a talking clam.
.
That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your problem will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!! Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!! Praise the Magic Conch!! Ahahahaha!! Hey uhh SpongeBob.
.
that sure is a lot of food you got there.
.
It's a gift from the Magic Conch.
.
Everything sure looks delicious.
Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!! Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding around earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh.
.
Squidward Yes, SpongeBob? Once a member, always a member!! To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!! Yeah.
.
Whooloolooloo.
.
Now if youll excuse me What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat? Why don't you ask.
.
The Magic Conch Squidward? Oh, yeah, like that'll happen.
Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.
.
This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!! Maybe he's not a brother.
Heheheyou guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.
Hello there.
Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering should I have the spaghetti or the turkey? Neither.
Oh.
Well what about the soup? I don't think so.
Can I have anything to eat? No.
No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!! Here, lemme try.
Magic Conch could Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich? No.
Hmm.
.
can i have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich? Yes.
Walright!! Sorry Squidward.
Give me that.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Can't you say anything else but no? Try asking again.
Can I have something to eat? No.
Squidward, are you alrightt? Maybe we should ask the shell if he's okay.
Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? I'm SAVED!! You don't know how happy I am to see you.
.
I've been stranded out here for weeks.
.
with these two barnacle heads.
.
and their Magic Conch Shell!! MagicConchShell? YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? The Magic Conch!! A club member!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!! Abra.
My conch told me to come and save you guys!! Hooray for the magic conches!! Alright Magic Conch.
.
What do we do now? Nothing.
All hail the Magic Conch!! ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!
.
wits Widward!! [Hey look its Squidward!!.]
Wha-? Widwards woing wo work.
[Squidwards going to work.]
Wherewoes we work? Wat, we Wusty Wab? [Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab.]
Whats that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code? We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron he-he-he moronas a requirementhe-he-he.
Sorry Squidward.
.
but you couldn't get in even if you tried!! Well I'll have you know.
.
that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom.
What'd he say? I dunno, something about his nose? Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in! Oh what do you two zeros know about fitting in? Whyyou should be begging me to join! No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in! Well this is stupid there's no room up here!! That's what we've been trying to tell you!! We've been stuck up here for three days.
.
We told you, you wouldn't fit in.
.
Wellsince youre here Squidward well give you the new member initiation.
Are you ready Patrick? Ready! Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.
Welcome Squidward Welcome Squidward Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!! Whoa! Make a wish, honey.
AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO Oh, no.
That didn't just happen.
Please tell me that didn't happen!! What happened? Where are we? We're lost.
There's no way out!! Stuck.
.
in the middle of nowhere.
.
with SpongeBob and Patrick!! Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY? Oh cheer up Squid.
It could be worse.
Yeah.
You could be bald and have a big nose.
Well.
.
this is the end.
.
No it's not Squidward!! It's not? Come on guys, we're gonna be fine! As long as we're stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besideswe have THIS!! What's that? OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!! Magic Conch Shell will I ever get married? Maybe someday.
Oooohhhh You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us? Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch.
The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
The shell knows all!! Oh, Magic Conch Shellwhat do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest? Nothing.
THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!! Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.
.
from a TOY!! Alright.
Alright.
Alright!! I don't need your help.
I'm gonna find my way back to sanity.
But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! Sad clowns.
.
Haha.
Haha.
Sad.
Haha.
Haha.
Clowns.
Haha.
Haha.
What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! OhhI'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! Huh? Huh? Hhahahaha!! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick! Ohhthere's no way out of here.
How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm.
I am hungry.
I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? Aahhhhh Oooohh.
.
Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days.
.
How about you Patrick? A big boys gotta eat.
.
Well you can't have any.
.
And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!! If you had listened to me.
.
youd have food.
.
shelter.
.
and a roaring fire.
.
But instead.
.
you listen to a talking clam.
.
That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your problem will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!! Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!! Praise the Magic Conch!! Ahahahaha!! Hey uhh SpongeBob.
.
that sure is a lot of food you got there.
.
It's a gift from the Magic Conch.
.
Everything sure looks delicious.
Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!! Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding around earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh.
.
Squidward Yes, SpongeBob? Once a member, always a member!! To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!! Yeah.
.
Whooloolooloo.
.
Now if youll excuse me What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat? Why don't you ask.
.
The Magic Conch Squidward? Oh, yeah, like that'll happen.
Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.
.
This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!! Maybe he's not a brother.
Heheheyou guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.
Hello there.
Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering should I have the spaghetti or the turkey? Neither.
Oh.
Well what about the soup? I don't think so.
Can I have anything to eat? No.
No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!! Here, lemme try.
Magic Conch could Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich? No.
Hmm.
.
can i have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich? Yes.
Walright!! Sorry Squidward.
Give me that.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Could I have something to eat? No.
Can't you say anything else but no? Try asking again.
Can I have something to eat? No.
Squidward, are you alrightt? Maybe we should ask the shell if he's okay.
Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? I'm SAVED!! You don't know how happy I am to see you.
.
I've been stranded out here for weeks.
.
with these two barnacle heads.
.
and their Magic Conch Shell!! MagicConchShell? YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? The Magic Conch!! A club member!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!! Abra.
My conch told me to come and save you guys!! Hooray for the magic conches!! Alright Magic Conch.
.
What do we do now? Nothing.
All hail the Magic Conch!! ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!