Sports Night (1998) s01e12 Episode Script
Smoky
[ Up-tempo instrumental music|plays .]
-- Casey?|-- Yeah.
I've made a decision.
What is it? -- It's time.
|-- It is? It's time.
Natalie! It's absolutely time.
We've been having some|very bizarre computer problems.
|Have you noticed that? The LC wire's been getting|numbers wrong.
What do you need? Messersmith won the gold medal|in the pole vault with a leap of 238 feet,|6 inches? That doesn't sound right.
Yeah, it lacks|a ring of truth, yes.
That'd be a record,|wouldn't it? Yes, it would.
Elliott! -- Why are you staring at me?|-- Because it's time.
-- It's not time.
|-- It is time.
-- It's past time.
|-- It's not past time.
It's well past time.
|You need to start meeting women.
-- I've met many women.
|-- No, you haven't.
No, you haven't met many women.
|That's why I'm here.
Oh, boy.
|I like the sound of this.
You got married at 23 to a woman|you met when you were 19.
I know.
I was there.
-- So you agree.
|-- To what? You agree that it's time.
You said it was past time.
-- Well, it is past time.
|-- Then I'm screwed.
I'm gonna help you out.
Oh, thank God for that,|Danny.
-- Thank God, indeed.
|-- lndeed I do.
-- Do you know why|I can help you out?|-- Why? 'Cause there's still time.
Loading effects BF4.
Preview animation 1, 1A,|and 4.
BF4 -- Boston foxhole.
-- Jeremy?|-- Yes.
Tell me the story so far|on UCLA/Arizona.
The story, Dana,|is shooting percentage.
Shooting percentage|and offensive glass.
Last I checked, UCLA was|1 2-for-24 from the field,|1-for-6 at the stripe.
Arizona's press forced|12 turnovers, which led|to 15 points.
The 'cats, needless to say,|were dominant in the paint,|and McDuffy's got four fouls.
-- That is the story.
|-- Jeremy? -- Yes.
|-- What's the score? -- Wow.
|-- Jeremy? Devil's in the details.
-- Jeremy|-- 66-50, Arizona.
-- Thank you.
|-- No problem.
Stand by, audio.
|Stand by, VTR.
Preview 6 and 16.
Will, let me hear|sound effect 7.
Just me.
Here we go.
-- Roll VTR.
|-- Good show, everybody.
The time is right, Casey.
|The time is now.
-- You strike|while the iron is hot.
|-- What iron? The iron.
|You're gonna strike it.
-- Because it's hot|right now?|-- Scorching hot.
-- Okay.
|-- It is.
Uh, Natalie, can I get|a re-cal time on 7? How much? -- How much? Lee Trevino.
|-- On 7? Casey, don't make a meal|out of it.
-- How much?|-- 5 seconds.
You go to 10,|and I kick your ass.
You ever hear of|artistic freedom? You ever hear of me|kicking your ass? -- Yes, I have.
|-- Five seconds.
-- 15 live.
|-- A lot's changed|since you've been out there.
Out where? There -- out there.
Where the women are.
Everybody still wears shoes,|right? Ha! Do they ever.
In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus we'll|show why if you haven't seen|Davis Love play Pebble Beach, then you haven't seen|Shakespeare the way it was|meant to be played.
College hoops?|You want college hoops? How about|Syracuse, New York, where the Orangemen blew|the roof off the Carrier Dome? How about Oklahoma,|where the corn's not the only|thing high as an elephant's eye? All that coming up|after this.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
You know|the biggest difference? Biggest difference|between what? Biggest difference|between women then|and women now.
What? You're on television.
Stand by.
[ Knock on door .]
|Isaac: Come on in.
[ Door opens .]
-- You wanted to see me.
|-- Yes.
Sit down.
I got a note.
|It said you wanted to see me.
Yeah.
Have a seat.
-- Is anything wrong?|-- No.
Sit down.
-- You never send me a note.
|-- I usually call your office.
Yes, or you have|Marsha find me or you grab me at the rundown|and say, "Can I see you?" Why don't you have a seat? -- But this time you sent me|a note.
|-- Please sit.
It said|you needed to see me.
Dana, I need to move|my day along just a little bit|faster than this.
I'm just saying|if this is gonna be bad news,|I'd like to sit.
-- Feel free.
|-- Thank you.
I want to start|grooming you.
-- I don't understand.
|-- You heard me.
-- You want to start|grooming me?|-- Yes.
-- You better be talking|about my hairstyle, lsaac.
|-- Don't go nuts.
I am not going nuts,|I'm just saying that's|the only kind of grooming that I'm|prepared to talk about|at this particular moment.
Was there anything else? When the time comes, I want the show to go|where I want the show to go, and I want the show to go|to you.
-- lsaac|-- I'm not fooling around,|Dana.
Fine.
Then we'll have this|conversation 15 years from now.
|Is there anything else? You want to be in a position|where it's a smart choice|for Luther to make.
I don't want to|position myself.
You're gonna start coming|to the monthly lunches|at Continental Corp.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- Yes, you are.
How do you know|I even want your job? Everybody wants my job.
Not me.
|I think your job stinks.
You get to create your own show|and make all the decisions and have a big staff|and make a lot of money.
That's not for me, lsaac.
I like to answer to people.
|I don't want to create.
-- When I get a thought|in my head, I like it|to die right there.
|-- [ Chuckles .]
These monthly lunches -- When you hired me --|when you hired me -- didn't you swear that you|weren't going to leave? You did.
I remember|you swearing.
You swore.
I'm talking about|down the line.
-- How far down the line?|-- Far.
Then stop sending me notes.
Dana, that was a near-death|experience at Christmas.
I don't think|I've ever seen Luther so mad.
You embarrassed|him on television.
|He'll get over it.
He may get over it,|but he certainly won't|forget it.
Look, he yelled, he screamed,|but he didn't fire you.
If he was gonna fire you,|he'd have fired you.
You don't fire|a black executive during a race-related|public-relations problem.
You wait awhile.
See? That's the kind of thing|I don't know.
So, you know, stop grooming.
Start coming with me|to the lunches and to|the budget meetings.
What are you gonna do|if you don't work here? I've been thinking a lot|about gardening.
Gardening? I think I'd like to try|organic gardening.
Do you even know what it is? -- No, but I was gonna get|a book.
|-- Good plan.
Let's keep this|our little secret.
I shouldn't tell anyone|that you're grooming me? You shouldn't tell anyone|I'm grooming you.
What if people ask? -- Dana|-- No, I'm serious.
What if someone asks a direct|question about the grooming? -- Dana, I'm serious.
|-- All right.
All right.
I won't tell anyone|that you're grooming me.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
[ Telephones ringing .]
He wants to groom me.
-- What'd you say?|-- I said I didn't want|to be groomed.
I said everybody here is|very happy with the jobs|they have right now.
Right? -- Sure.
Yeah.
|-- Natalie You're thinking about|how you'd redecorate my office|right now, aren't you? I was not! -- Yes, you were.
|-- I was totally not at all.
In your little mind,|you were measuring|for new curtains.
I was not measuring|for curtains.
-- You'd keep the curtains?|-- And dump the plants.
Thank you.
You are wrong.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- You want to make a bet? I don't want to take|your money.
They weren't gonna play|Virginia in the next round.
They were gonna play|Louisiana Tech.
You were gonna play|Louisiana Tech.
No, we were|gonna play Clemson.
|That's when I injured my ankle.
It was your knee, and it was|against Louisiana Tech.
Oh.
This is my ankle.
No doubt about it.
It was injured|playing Clemson.
Came out of it okay.
-- You think?|-- Whoa, whoa, whoa,|whoa, whoa.
-- What have we here?|-- Hello, Dan.
Sally, put your leg|on the floor.
I was telling Casey that I injured my ankle|against Clemson.
-- It was your knee.
|-- It was my ankle.
And you see how you were able|to tell me that without taking|all your clothes off? I just assume you do that|in your head.
I'll see you later, Casey.
Dan's gonna want to|warn you about me.
Bye.
Bye.
[ lndistinct voices .]
What were you just doing? Nothing.
-- You were flirting.
|-- No, we weren't.
-- You were flirting|with Sally.
|-- I wasn't conscious of it.
-- Conscious or not,|you were doing it.
|-- Was Sally flirting with me? Yes, indeed she was.
I missed the whole thing.
Thank God I got here|when I did.
I'm not gonna go out|with Sally.
You don't have to|go out with her.
She was stripping down|right here.
We were talking about|women's college basketball.
Oh, Casey, please.
-- I'm not other people.
|-- I know.
And I know I said|it was time, but just to be|clear about something --|it's not time for that.
-- It's not time to dally|with Sally.
|-- Dan That was an unfortunate|rhyme, but still.
What's your problem|with Sally? Look at her.
I don't think|she's of this world.
-- You don't think|she's of this world?|-- I do not.
What world do you think|she's of? She scares me.
|She's too good-looking.
Nobody's that good-looking.
|I'm not that good-looking.
Do you really think|she was flirting with me? And her beauty comes from|a very strange place.
Have you noticed that? The places her beauty comes from|weren't that strange to me.
I can identify|almost all of them.
Don't do it, Casey.
|She's got an agenda.
You think she wants a job|on "Sports Night"? No, I think she wants to rule|all of Metropolis.
You see the job she does|on "West Coast Update.
"|She's a very skilled producer.
Of course she's skilled.
|She's Satan's handmaiden.
She's not Satan's handmaiden.
On the entire planet,|have you ever seen anyone|with eyes like that? Huh?|She's a Stepford producer.
I say|she's a very nice person.
I say she has no reflection.
You are worrying|about nothing.
She wasn't flirting with me,|I wasn't flirting with her.
It's a well-oiled machine|here.
I don't want to see anything|interfere with that.
Did a high school girl|from East Lansing run the Boston Marathon|in 2.
6 seconds? That doesn't sound right.
Not as well-oiled|as you think.
[ Computer beeping,|keys clicking .]
See?|It says, "-1 SM trunc err.
" You should really call|technical support.
But I like it when you fix it.
|It's so cute andnerdy.
I could just lick you up.
This is|a serious computer problem.
I don't want|to fool around with it.
|Call technical support.
What does "err" mean? It means a mistake.
Is it Latin? It's English.
It's "E-R-R.
"|It means "error.
" -- Call technical support.
|-- "-1 SM trunc" --|what does it mean? -- Natalie|-- Come on! Just one.
[ Telephones ringing .]
It means the truncation|indicator alone is wider than the specified width.
It probably also indicates|a -5-type SCP, which is|an invalid queue element.
Okay.
[ Exhales deeply .]
And it says "-15 out of range.
"|What does that mean? That means it's out of range.
-- Oh, you're not|doing this right!|-- What the hell|are we doing? Well, I thought|we were having phone sex, but I guess|you just weren't interested.
-- We were having phone sex?|-- Well, not phone sex, but whatever --|we were having sex.
-- I didn't even know.
|-- And frankly, it showed up|in your performance.
I wasn't having sex.
I know that, Jeremy.
|I was sitting here having sex|all by myself.
-- You were having sex.
|-- Yes! Well, I think maybe|you're not doing it right.
Call technical support.
Hello, lsaac.
Hello, Sally.
Sharp suit.
Thanks, Sally.
No, I mean it.
|That is a sharp suit.
Thanks again.
-- Who makes that suit?|-- Well, I have no idea.
Is it Armani? Uh, no --|honestly, I have no idea.
Could be Hugo Boss.
You never know.
But either way,|it's a very sharp suit.
I'm awfully happy with it.
|Thanks.
Sure.
Sally? Yes.
What do you want? Are you quitting your job? -- No.
|-- You're not? -- No.
|-- I heard you were.
-- You heard wrong.
|-- I keep my ear|to the ground.
-- I have no doubt about it.
|-- And I'm happy for Dana.
-- She'll be glad to hear it.
|-- Can I be blunt? As evidence has suggested,|you're capable of it, yes.
I think I'm the right person|for the job.
-- Whose job?|-- Dana's job.
-- Dana wants Dana's job.
|-- No, Dana's gonna|have your job.
No, sadly,|I'm gonna have my job.
I want to executive-produce|"Sports Night.
" -- May I give you|my credentials?|-- I see no way|of stopping you.
I've been executive producer|of "West Coast Update"|for 1 6 months.
Our show has never failed|to win its time slot.
You're on at 2:00 A.
M.
,|Sally.
Your competition|is a "Bonanza" rerun|and four guys making cheese.
To say nothing|of Fox on Sports and CNN/Sl, both of which were on top|of us to the tune of a|share point before I came in.
My shows are tight,|my shows are hot, and my shows are paced to|within an inch of their lives.
My staff is professional,|and they place a premium|on professionalism.
My staff is professional,|Sally.
As we speak,|one of your LC wireframes|is misprocessing data while two of your|associate producers|stand over the monitor, attempting to have phone sex.
God, people don't tell me|which two.
Just think about it.
All right.
My guess is|it's Jeremy and Natalie.
I meant think about me|for the job.
-- Dana's job.
|-- Yes.
-- When Dana takes my job.
|-- Yes.
And tell me again|what I'll be doing.
I heard organic gardening.
-- You can leave now.
|-- Sharp suit.
Thank you very much.
Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus we've got|a major league baseball trade that brought some birds home|to roost.
-- [ Snaps fingers .]
|That's you.
|-- What? Major league baseball trade|that brought some birds home|to roost, and then you say Yoko Ono.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
Okay, but it might be better|to say something about hockey.
-- I'm gonna fix you up|with Yoko Ono.
|-- I don't think so.
-- Yeah.
I really am.
|-- No, you're really not.
-- Are you concerned|about the age difference?|-- Do you even know Yoko Ono? I'm a fan of her music, yes.
A major league baseball trade|that brought some birds home|to roost.
You can get away|with that if you want,|but it's not "birds,"|it's "chickens.
" Do you really think|Dana was flirting with me? -- Dana?|-- Sally.
You said Dana.
-- I meant Sally.
|-- Stop thinking about Sally.
I'm not thinking about Sally.
This is science fiction.
I'm all alone on this.
|I stand completely alone.
Sally is an alien.
|Do you understand me? At night she peels off|her body and lives on|Steve Guttenburg's boat.
-- And you can't get anybody|to rally around that theory?|-- My point is, you said Dana.
Hey, pigeons roost,|don't they? -- Yes.
|-- So what's wrong|with "birds"? What's wrong with|the unmistakable human frailty|of Yoko Ono? Uh, Dana? You're still 1 :20 fat|in the 40s.
We're getting there.
|Can I say, "Birds come home|to roost"? Yeah, I saw that.
-- Can I say it?|-- It's "chickens.
" Well, I think|it's also pigeons.
[ Telephone ringing .]
|Do pigeons roost? -- I think they do.
|-- I think they perch.
I think they roost.
Look, it's fine with me.
Hey, you know what? I think someone was flirting|with me today.
I'm sorry? Someone might have been|flirting with me today.
Sally? How did you know? Sally's always flirting|with you.
-- No, she's not.
|-- Yes, she is.
It's okay.
I wasn't flirting back.
You're kind of feeble,|aren't you? -- Well, have l?|-- I really don't know.
-- I don't want to|look foolish.
|-- Not much chance of that.
Do I flirt badly? -- You flirt fine.
|-- Seriously.
-- You flirt fine.
|-- Dana Flirt with me now.
Flirt with you now.
Yes.
I will.
Start.
How you doin'? [ Laughs .]
That's good, Casey.
|How many years of college? I've got more.
|I'm just saying hi.
Lay it on me.
What's your name? Casey,|I'm saying flirt with me.
I'm not playing|somebody else.
-- You're not helping.
|-- Start again.
Flirt with me.
I'm startingnow.
[ lnhales deeply .]
What's your name? My name's Dana,|you unbelievable moron.
|You've known me for 15 years.
Flirt with me.
Tell me why you like me|better than Sally.
I do like you better|than Sally.
-- Tell me why.
|-- I don't understand.
I don't think you're ever|going to have sex again.
I got to go.
You're smoky.
I'm sorry? The difference between you|and Sally -- you're smoky.
I'm smoky? You're smoky.
You're a lot of other things,|too, but you're smoky.
I don't know what that means,|but I like the sound of it.
|Tell me what it means.
-- No,|it's hard to translate.
|-- Try.
You'll make a joke.
We're flirting.
|It's okay.
Are we really flirting, or are you just pretending|to be you flirting with me|actually being me? You think I'm smoky? Classy, impressive,|sexy -- Was sexy going too far? I-lt was fine.
You're smoky.
Thank you.
Uh, Natalie, wait up.
I'm sorry.
|I've got to talk to Natalie.
Uh|[ Bottle clatters .]
that's fine.
We're on the air|in verysoon, andNatalie's there.
-- Okay.
|-- So -- I'll see you later.
|-- Yeah.
In just|a little bit, in fact.
-- 'Cause we're going on|the air.
|-- And you're okay|with birds roosting? I'm okay withbirds doing|anything you tell them to.
[ lndistinct voices .]
Were you two flirting? -- No.
|-- You were.
We were, but it was|a rehearsal of sorts.
It was aclass.
If you guys aren't too far|along, could Jeremy join? Sure.
Isaac, you got a minute? Kim, Elliott,|how can I help you? [ Exhales deeply .]
I'm a team player, lsaac.
Always have been,|always will be.
But everyone here|moves up one notch and you make|this woman senior associate, I'll lead a mutiny|the likes of which will sink|this show for good.
Okay.
Kim? When I get Natalie's job,|is there a union regulation that prevents me from making|Elliott my man slave? All right.
That's it.
Follow me.
I'm saying it! -- Let's just forget about it.
|-- I'm saying it right now! Far be it from me to be|adventuresome in our sex life! Thanks very much, folks.
|Be sure and tip your waitresses.
Dan, Casey,|Dana, Jeremy, Natalie -- in the conference room,|right now.
What's going on? In there.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Sally, why don't you join us|as well? What are we doing? We're having|a little meeting.
-- Is this|what I think it is?|-- Probably not.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Good evening.
|How are you all? [ All talking indistinctly .]
Oh, who really gives a damn? My name is lsaac Jaffee.
|I run this place.
Anybody else who runs this|place, please raise your hand.
Good.
|Couple of things.
I am not quitting,|and I am not getting fired, at least not today|and probably not tomorrow.
Let me add, Dana, that things that I say|in my office stay in my office.
Natalie's my --|my second in command.
|She's the only one I told.
Jeremy's my boyfriend.
|He's the only one I told.
I told many, many people.
Elliott, Kim, the production team is,|in fact, a team, and you will work with and for|whomever Dana tells you to.
-- Thank you.
|-- Shut up.
Okay.
Finally, I'd like to say that while there are|many programs here at CSC, and there's nothing wrong|with healthy competition, we are all a family, and we are to treat each other|with professional respect.
I think|I can speak for everyone|on the "West Coast Update" team when I say|we have nothing but respect for each|and every man and woman|who works on "Sports Night.
" He's talking about you,|you freak.
Thank you, Daniel.
I hope this meeting has|cleared up any confusion.
It's 5 minutes to 1 1 :00.
Please go do my show.
Stand by, audio.
|Stand by, VTR.
Preview 3 and 13.
-- Here's 3.
|-- 13 is standing.
Get me Holly in L.
A.
He said you were smoky? Yes, he did.
Holly.
Holly, you were right.
It's 14 points|off the fast break,|and send it back to the studio.
I like that.
-- Smoky?|-- Yes.
-- It was very complimentary.
|-- It was very complimentary? -- Yes.
|-- Well, how good of you|to come to tea.
Hey, I talk the way I talk.
|I'm smoky.
Roll the VTR.
We're live in 60.
Good show, everybody.
Good show.
Casey said she's smoky.
She is smoky.
-- Am I smoky?|-- You better believe it.
I'll tell you|what else you are.
You are|a slow drink of whiskey.
Say some computer things --|right now.
Listen, seriously, those new|herbs you've been taking --|I think you should stop.
I'm a slow drink|of whiskey? Among other things, yes.
Preview 6 and 6A.
It wasn't flirting.
|It wasn't actual flirting.
-- I don't like you going off|on your own like this.
|-- I know.
You have to listen|to what I tell you.
I am.
You could be having sex|with Yoko Ono right now.
Please don't ever say that|again.
-- I've made a decision.
|-- What's that? I don't think it's time.
In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus|a major league baseball trade that brought some birds|home to roost.
The ACC was the place to be|in college hoops last night, and we'll take you|to the Dean Dome after a quick stop|in the land of Lincoln.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
[ lndistinct voices .]
-- All right, guys.
|That was great.
|-- Thank you.
So what do I hear|about you and Yoko Ono?|What's up with that? Move along, buddy.
Yoko?
-- Casey?|-- Yeah.
I've made a decision.
What is it? -- It's time.
|-- It is? It's time.
Natalie! It's absolutely time.
We've been having some|very bizarre computer problems.
|Have you noticed that? The LC wire's been getting|numbers wrong.
What do you need? Messersmith won the gold medal|in the pole vault with a leap of 238 feet,|6 inches? That doesn't sound right.
Yeah, it lacks|a ring of truth, yes.
That'd be a record,|wouldn't it? Yes, it would.
Elliott! -- Why are you staring at me?|-- Because it's time.
-- It's not time.
|-- It is time.
-- It's past time.
|-- It's not past time.
It's well past time.
|You need to start meeting women.
-- I've met many women.
|-- No, you haven't.
No, you haven't met many women.
|That's why I'm here.
Oh, boy.
|I like the sound of this.
You got married at 23 to a woman|you met when you were 19.
I know.
I was there.
-- So you agree.
|-- To what? You agree that it's time.
You said it was past time.
-- Well, it is past time.
|-- Then I'm screwed.
I'm gonna help you out.
Oh, thank God for that,|Danny.
-- Thank God, indeed.
|-- lndeed I do.
-- Do you know why|I can help you out?|-- Why? 'Cause there's still time.
Loading effects BF4.
Preview animation 1, 1A,|and 4.
BF4 -- Boston foxhole.
-- Jeremy?|-- Yes.
Tell me the story so far|on UCLA/Arizona.
The story, Dana,|is shooting percentage.
Shooting percentage|and offensive glass.
Last I checked, UCLA was|1 2-for-24 from the field,|1-for-6 at the stripe.
Arizona's press forced|12 turnovers, which led|to 15 points.
The 'cats, needless to say,|were dominant in the paint,|and McDuffy's got four fouls.
-- That is the story.
|-- Jeremy? -- Yes.
|-- What's the score? -- Wow.
|-- Jeremy? Devil's in the details.
-- Jeremy|-- 66-50, Arizona.
-- Thank you.
|-- No problem.
Stand by, audio.
|Stand by, VTR.
Preview 6 and 16.
Will, let me hear|sound effect 7.
Just me.
Here we go.
-- Roll VTR.
|-- Good show, everybody.
The time is right, Casey.
|The time is now.
-- You strike|while the iron is hot.
|-- What iron? The iron.
|You're gonna strike it.
-- Because it's hot|right now?|-- Scorching hot.
-- Okay.
|-- It is.
Uh, Natalie, can I get|a re-cal time on 7? How much? -- How much? Lee Trevino.
|-- On 7? Casey, don't make a meal|out of it.
-- How much?|-- 5 seconds.
You go to 10,|and I kick your ass.
You ever hear of|artistic freedom? You ever hear of me|kicking your ass? -- Yes, I have.
|-- Five seconds.
-- 15 live.
|-- A lot's changed|since you've been out there.
Out where? There -- out there.
Where the women are.
Everybody still wears shoes,|right? Ha! Do they ever.
In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus we'll|show why if you haven't seen|Davis Love play Pebble Beach, then you haven't seen|Shakespeare the way it was|meant to be played.
College hoops?|You want college hoops? How about|Syracuse, New York, where the Orangemen blew|the roof off the Carrier Dome? How about Oklahoma,|where the corn's not the only|thing high as an elephant's eye? All that coming up|after this.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
You know|the biggest difference? Biggest difference|between what? Biggest difference|between women then|and women now.
What? You're on television.
Stand by.
[ Knock on door .]
|Isaac: Come on in.
[ Door opens .]
-- You wanted to see me.
|-- Yes.
Sit down.
I got a note.
|It said you wanted to see me.
Yeah.
Have a seat.
-- Is anything wrong?|-- No.
Sit down.
-- You never send me a note.
|-- I usually call your office.
Yes, or you have|Marsha find me or you grab me at the rundown|and say, "Can I see you?" Why don't you have a seat? -- But this time you sent me|a note.
|-- Please sit.
It said|you needed to see me.
Dana, I need to move|my day along just a little bit|faster than this.
I'm just saying|if this is gonna be bad news,|I'd like to sit.
-- Feel free.
|-- Thank you.
I want to start|grooming you.
-- I don't understand.
|-- You heard me.
-- You want to start|grooming me?|-- Yes.
-- You better be talking|about my hairstyle, lsaac.
|-- Don't go nuts.
I am not going nuts,|I'm just saying that's|the only kind of grooming that I'm|prepared to talk about|at this particular moment.
Was there anything else? When the time comes, I want the show to go|where I want the show to go, and I want the show to go|to you.
-- lsaac|-- I'm not fooling around,|Dana.
Fine.
Then we'll have this|conversation 15 years from now.
|Is there anything else? You want to be in a position|where it's a smart choice|for Luther to make.
I don't want to|position myself.
You're gonna start coming|to the monthly lunches|at Continental Corp.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- Yes, you are.
How do you know|I even want your job? Everybody wants my job.
Not me.
|I think your job stinks.
You get to create your own show|and make all the decisions and have a big staff|and make a lot of money.
That's not for me, lsaac.
I like to answer to people.
|I don't want to create.
-- When I get a thought|in my head, I like it|to die right there.
|-- [ Chuckles .]
These monthly lunches -- When you hired me --|when you hired me -- didn't you swear that you|weren't going to leave? You did.
I remember|you swearing.
You swore.
I'm talking about|down the line.
-- How far down the line?|-- Far.
Then stop sending me notes.
Dana, that was a near-death|experience at Christmas.
I don't think|I've ever seen Luther so mad.
You embarrassed|him on television.
|He'll get over it.
He may get over it,|but he certainly won't|forget it.
Look, he yelled, he screamed,|but he didn't fire you.
If he was gonna fire you,|he'd have fired you.
You don't fire|a black executive during a race-related|public-relations problem.
You wait awhile.
See? That's the kind of thing|I don't know.
So, you know, stop grooming.
Start coming with me|to the lunches and to|the budget meetings.
What are you gonna do|if you don't work here? I've been thinking a lot|about gardening.
Gardening? I think I'd like to try|organic gardening.
Do you even know what it is? -- No, but I was gonna get|a book.
|-- Good plan.
Let's keep this|our little secret.
I shouldn't tell anyone|that you're grooming me? You shouldn't tell anyone|I'm grooming you.
What if people ask? -- Dana|-- No, I'm serious.
What if someone asks a direct|question about the grooming? -- Dana, I'm serious.
|-- All right.
All right.
I won't tell anyone|that you're grooming me.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
[ Telephones ringing .]
He wants to groom me.
-- What'd you say?|-- I said I didn't want|to be groomed.
I said everybody here is|very happy with the jobs|they have right now.
Right? -- Sure.
Yeah.
|-- Natalie You're thinking about|how you'd redecorate my office|right now, aren't you? I was not! -- Yes, you were.
|-- I was totally not at all.
In your little mind,|you were measuring|for new curtains.
I was not measuring|for curtains.
-- You'd keep the curtains?|-- And dump the plants.
Thank you.
You are wrong.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- You want to make a bet? I don't want to take|your money.
They weren't gonna play|Virginia in the next round.
They were gonna play|Louisiana Tech.
You were gonna play|Louisiana Tech.
No, we were|gonna play Clemson.
|That's when I injured my ankle.
It was your knee, and it was|against Louisiana Tech.
Oh.
This is my ankle.
No doubt about it.
It was injured|playing Clemson.
Came out of it okay.
-- You think?|-- Whoa, whoa, whoa,|whoa, whoa.
-- What have we here?|-- Hello, Dan.
Sally, put your leg|on the floor.
I was telling Casey that I injured my ankle|against Clemson.
-- It was your knee.
|-- It was my ankle.
And you see how you were able|to tell me that without taking|all your clothes off? I just assume you do that|in your head.
I'll see you later, Casey.
Dan's gonna want to|warn you about me.
Bye.
Bye.
[ lndistinct voices .]
What were you just doing? Nothing.
-- You were flirting.
|-- No, we weren't.
-- You were flirting|with Sally.
|-- I wasn't conscious of it.
-- Conscious or not,|you were doing it.
|-- Was Sally flirting with me? Yes, indeed she was.
I missed the whole thing.
Thank God I got here|when I did.
I'm not gonna go out|with Sally.
You don't have to|go out with her.
She was stripping down|right here.
We were talking about|women's college basketball.
Oh, Casey, please.
-- I'm not other people.
|-- I know.
And I know I said|it was time, but just to be|clear about something --|it's not time for that.
-- It's not time to dally|with Sally.
|-- Dan That was an unfortunate|rhyme, but still.
What's your problem|with Sally? Look at her.
I don't think|she's of this world.
-- You don't think|she's of this world?|-- I do not.
What world do you think|she's of? She scares me.
|She's too good-looking.
Nobody's that good-looking.
|I'm not that good-looking.
Do you really think|she was flirting with me? And her beauty comes from|a very strange place.
Have you noticed that? The places her beauty comes from|weren't that strange to me.
I can identify|almost all of them.
Don't do it, Casey.
|She's got an agenda.
You think she wants a job|on "Sports Night"? No, I think she wants to rule|all of Metropolis.
You see the job she does|on "West Coast Update.
"|She's a very skilled producer.
Of course she's skilled.
|She's Satan's handmaiden.
She's not Satan's handmaiden.
On the entire planet,|have you ever seen anyone|with eyes like that? Huh?|She's a Stepford producer.
I say|she's a very nice person.
I say she has no reflection.
You are worrying|about nothing.
She wasn't flirting with me,|I wasn't flirting with her.
It's a well-oiled machine|here.
I don't want to see anything|interfere with that.
Did a high school girl|from East Lansing run the Boston Marathon|in 2.
6 seconds? That doesn't sound right.
Not as well-oiled|as you think.
[ Computer beeping,|keys clicking .]
See?|It says, "-1 SM trunc err.
" You should really call|technical support.
But I like it when you fix it.
|It's so cute andnerdy.
I could just lick you up.
This is|a serious computer problem.
I don't want|to fool around with it.
|Call technical support.
What does "err" mean? It means a mistake.
Is it Latin? It's English.
It's "E-R-R.
"|It means "error.
" -- Call technical support.
|-- "-1 SM trunc" --|what does it mean? -- Natalie|-- Come on! Just one.
[ Telephones ringing .]
It means the truncation|indicator alone is wider than the specified width.
It probably also indicates|a -5-type SCP, which is|an invalid queue element.
Okay.
[ Exhales deeply .]
And it says "-15 out of range.
"|What does that mean? That means it's out of range.
-- Oh, you're not|doing this right!|-- What the hell|are we doing? Well, I thought|we were having phone sex, but I guess|you just weren't interested.
-- We were having phone sex?|-- Well, not phone sex, but whatever --|we were having sex.
-- I didn't even know.
|-- And frankly, it showed up|in your performance.
I wasn't having sex.
I know that, Jeremy.
|I was sitting here having sex|all by myself.
-- You were having sex.
|-- Yes! Well, I think maybe|you're not doing it right.
Call technical support.
Hello, lsaac.
Hello, Sally.
Sharp suit.
Thanks, Sally.
No, I mean it.
|That is a sharp suit.
Thanks again.
-- Who makes that suit?|-- Well, I have no idea.
Is it Armani? Uh, no --|honestly, I have no idea.
Could be Hugo Boss.
You never know.
But either way,|it's a very sharp suit.
I'm awfully happy with it.
|Thanks.
Sure.
Sally? Yes.
What do you want? Are you quitting your job? -- No.
|-- You're not? -- No.
|-- I heard you were.
-- You heard wrong.
|-- I keep my ear|to the ground.
-- I have no doubt about it.
|-- And I'm happy for Dana.
-- She'll be glad to hear it.
|-- Can I be blunt? As evidence has suggested,|you're capable of it, yes.
I think I'm the right person|for the job.
-- Whose job?|-- Dana's job.
-- Dana wants Dana's job.
|-- No, Dana's gonna|have your job.
No, sadly,|I'm gonna have my job.
I want to executive-produce|"Sports Night.
" -- May I give you|my credentials?|-- I see no way|of stopping you.
I've been executive producer|of "West Coast Update"|for 1 6 months.
Our show has never failed|to win its time slot.
You're on at 2:00 A.
M.
,|Sally.
Your competition|is a "Bonanza" rerun|and four guys making cheese.
To say nothing|of Fox on Sports and CNN/Sl, both of which were on top|of us to the tune of a|share point before I came in.
My shows are tight,|my shows are hot, and my shows are paced to|within an inch of their lives.
My staff is professional,|and they place a premium|on professionalism.
My staff is professional,|Sally.
As we speak,|one of your LC wireframes|is misprocessing data while two of your|associate producers|stand over the monitor, attempting to have phone sex.
God, people don't tell me|which two.
Just think about it.
All right.
My guess is|it's Jeremy and Natalie.
I meant think about me|for the job.
-- Dana's job.
|-- Yes.
-- When Dana takes my job.
|-- Yes.
And tell me again|what I'll be doing.
I heard organic gardening.
-- You can leave now.
|-- Sharp suit.
Thank you very much.
Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus we've got|a major league baseball trade that brought some birds home|to roost.
-- [ Snaps fingers .]
|That's you.
|-- What? Major league baseball trade|that brought some birds home|to roost, and then you say Yoko Ono.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
Okay, but it might be better|to say something about hockey.
-- I'm gonna fix you up|with Yoko Ono.
|-- I don't think so.
-- Yeah.
I really am.
|-- No, you're really not.
-- Are you concerned|about the age difference?|-- Do you even know Yoko Ono? I'm a fan of her music, yes.
A major league baseball trade|that brought some birds home|to roost.
You can get away|with that if you want,|but it's not "birds,"|it's "chickens.
" Do you really think|Dana was flirting with me? -- Dana?|-- Sally.
You said Dana.
-- I meant Sally.
|-- Stop thinking about Sally.
I'm not thinking about Sally.
This is science fiction.
I'm all alone on this.
|I stand completely alone.
Sally is an alien.
|Do you understand me? At night she peels off|her body and lives on|Steve Guttenburg's boat.
-- And you can't get anybody|to rally around that theory?|-- My point is, you said Dana.
Hey, pigeons roost,|don't they? -- Yes.
|-- So what's wrong|with "birds"? What's wrong with|the unmistakable human frailty|of Yoko Ono? Uh, Dana? You're still 1 :20 fat|in the 40s.
We're getting there.
|Can I say, "Birds come home|to roost"? Yeah, I saw that.
-- Can I say it?|-- It's "chickens.
" Well, I think|it's also pigeons.
[ Telephone ringing .]
|Do pigeons roost? -- I think they do.
|-- I think they perch.
I think they roost.
Look, it's fine with me.
Hey, you know what? I think someone was flirting|with me today.
I'm sorry? Someone might have been|flirting with me today.
Sally? How did you know? Sally's always flirting|with you.
-- No, she's not.
|-- Yes, she is.
It's okay.
I wasn't flirting back.
You're kind of feeble,|aren't you? -- Well, have l?|-- I really don't know.
-- I don't want to|look foolish.
|-- Not much chance of that.
Do I flirt badly? -- You flirt fine.
|-- Seriously.
-- You flirt fine.
|-- Dana Flirt with me now.
Flirt with you now.
Yes.
I will.
Start.
How you doin'? [ Laughs .]
That's good, Casey.
|How many years of college? I've got more.
|I'm just saying hi.
Lay it on me.
What's your name? Casey,|I'm saying flirt with me.
I'm not playing|somebody else.
-- You're not helping.
|-- Start again.
Flirt with me.
I'm startingnow.
[ lnhales deeply .]
What's your name? My name's Dana,|you unbelievable moron.
|You've known me for 15 years.
Flirt with me.
Tell me why you like me|better than Sally.
I do like you better|than Sally.
-- Tell me why.
|-- I don't understand.
I don't think you're ever|going to have sex again.
I got to go.
You're smoky.
I'm sorry? The difference between you|and Sally -- you're smoky.
I'm smoky? You're smoky.
You're a lot of other things,|too, but you're smoky.
I don't know what that means,|but I like the sound of it.
|Tell me what it means.
-- No,|it's hard to translate.
|-- Try.
You'll make a joke.
We're flirting.
|It's okay.
Are we really flirting, or are you just pretending|to be you flirting with me|actually being me? You think I'm smoky? Classy, impressive,|sexy -- Was sexy going too far? I-lt was fine.
You're smoky.
Thank you.
Uh, Natalie, wait up.
I'm sorry.
|I've got to talk to Natalie.
Uh|[ Bottle clatters .]
that's fine.
We're on the air|in verysoon, andNatalie's there.
-- Okay.
|-- So -- I'll see you later.
|-- Yeah.
In just|a little bit, in fact.
-- 'Cause we're going on|the air.
|-- And you're okay|with birds roosting? I'm okay withbirds doing|anything you tell them to.
[ lndistinct voices .]
Were you two flirting? -- No.
|-- You were.
We were, but it was|a rehearsal of sorts.
It was aclass.
If you guys aren't too far|along, could Jeremy join? Sure.
Isaac, you got a minute? Kim, Elliott,|how can I help you? [ Exhales deeply .]
I'm a team player, lsaac.
Always have been,|always will be.
But everyone here|moves up one notch and you make|this woman senior associate, I'll lead a mutiny|the likes of which will sink|this show for good.
Okay.
Kim? When I get Natalie's job,|is there a union regulation that prevents me from making|Elliott my man slave? All right.
That's it.
Follow me.
I'm saying it! -- Let's just forget about it.
|-- I'm saying it right now! Far be it from me to be|adventuresome in our sex life! Thanks very much, folks.
|Be sure and tip your waitresses.
Dan, Casey,|Dana, Jeremy, Natalie -- in the conference room,|right now.
What's going on? In there.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Sally, why don't you join us|as well? What are we doing? We're having|a little meeting.
-- Is this|what I think it is?|-- Probably not.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Good evening.
|How are you all? [ All talking indistinctly .]
Oh, who really gives a damn? My name is lsaac Jaffee.
|I run this place.
Anybody else who runs this|place, please raise your hand.
Good.
|Couple of things.
I am not quitting,|and I am not getting fired, at least not today|and probably not tomorrow.
Let me add, Dana, that things that I say|in my office stay in my office.
Natalie's my --|my second in command.
|She's the only one I told.
Jeremy's my boyfriend.
|He's the only one I told.
I told many, many people.
Elliott, Kim, the production team is,|in fact, a team, and you will work with and for|whomever Dana tells you to.
-- Thank you.
|-- Shut up.
Okay.
Finally, I'd like to say that while there are|many programs here at CSC, and there's nothing wrong|with healthy competition, we are all a family, and we are to treat each other|with professional respect.
I think|I can speak for everyone|on the "West Coast Update" team when I say|we have nothing but respect for each|and every man and woman|who works on "Sports Night.
" He's talking about you,|you freak.
Thank you, Daniel.
I hope this meeting has|cleared up any confusion.
It's 5 minutes to 1 1 :00.
Please go do my show.
Stand by, audio.
|Stand by, VTR.
Preview 3 and 13.
-- Here's 3.
|-- 13 is standing.
Get me Holly in L.
A.
He said you were smoky? Yes, he did.
Holly.
Holly, you were right.
It's 14 points|off the fast break,|and send it back to the studio.
I like that.
-- Smoky?|-- Yes.
-- It was very complimentary.
|-- It was very complimentary? -- Yes.
|-- Well, how good of you|to come to tea.
Hey, I talk the way I talk.
|I'm smoky.
Roll the VTR.
We're live in 60.
Good show, everybody.
Good show.
Casey said she's smoky.
She is smoky.
-- Am I smoky?|-- You better believe it.
I'll tell you|what else you are.
You are|a slow drink of whiskey.
Say some computer things --|right now.
Listen, seriously, those new|herbs you've been taking --|I think you should stop.
I'm a slow drink|of whiskey? Among other things, yes.
Preview 6 and 6A.
It wasn't flirting.
|It wasn't actual flirting.
-- I don't like you going off|on your own like this.
|-- I know.
You have to listen|to what I tell you.
I am.
You could be having sex|with Yoko Ono right now.
Please don't ever say that|again.
-- I've made a decision.
|-- What's that? I don't think it's time.
In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus|a major league baseball trade that brought some birds|home to roost.
The ACC was the place to be|in college hoops last night, and we'll take you|to the Dean Dome after a quick stop|in the land of Lincoln.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
[ lndistinct voices .]
-- All right, guys.
|That was great.
|-- Thank you.
So what do I hear|about you and Yoko Ono?|What's up with that? Move along, buddy.
Yoko?