Sports Night (1998) s01e13 Episode Script

Small Town

[ Up-tempo instrumental music|plays ] Dan: It was the fourth|second-round knockout recorded by the middleweight, whose next fight will be in June|against Ramon Castilla at the MGM Grand|in Las Vegas, Nevada.
A city, I'm told, that recently|legalized gambling.
Dan, fill for 15 seconds.
Our producer, Dana Whitaker, has asked me|to fill for 15 seconds, -- but I honestly don't have|anything to say.
|-- Dan -- She's begging me now.
|-- Dan Now she seems pretty mad.
-- Dan|-- You'd all like her a lot|if you met her.
You're a funny boy, Daniel.
And that was 15 seconds.
-- Casey?|-- That does it for us.
I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
I'm off tomorrow,|but I'll be back on Friday.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
See you later.
-- Music.
|-- Go.
-- Animation.
|-- Go.
We're out.
-- Here's the thing.
|-- Yes.
I don't have to take|tomorrow night off.
Yes, you do.
I'm saying I could do the show|with you tomorrow.
And I'm saying when your night|off comes up in the rotation, you take the night off.
Yes, but I'm saying I'm willing|to waive that tradition and not take the night off.
No, what you were saying was|you're a big wuss who wants to get out of|his date tomorrow night.
I don't believe|I was saying that.
-- I believe you were.
|-- And it's not a date.
I believe it is.
I'm saying|it's not an actual date.
-- Right, and I'm saying|you're a wuss.
|-- Look Can we be men for a second? All right,|but just a second.
-- I really don't want to go.
|-- No kidding? I-I really don't want to go|on a date, and there's no question|there's a way to look|at this thing that makes it appear|a lot like a date.
-- Yes.
|-- Plus it's a double date,|and it's a blind date.
On top of which,|let's not forget, it's a date, so there's about three different|ways this thing is bad.
Wow.
What? You're just a really big wuss.
I'm just saying|I don't have to take|the night off.
-- Tomorrow?|-- Yes.
It's your night off.
It is my night off,|but I don't have to take|the night off.
Then it wouldn't be|your night off.
And I'm saying|I'm okay with that.
-- I thought you had plans|with Gordon.
|-- I did.
You don't anymore? No, but now Gordon|fixed Casey up with|a woman from his office, and it's the four of us.
What are you doing? We're going to see|a modern-dance concert|at City Center -- and then we're having dinner.
|-- That'll be nice.
-- Casey hates modern dance.
|-- So do l.
But this is the Holly Dixon|Dance Company.
These were very hard tickets|to get.
I'm sure you'll all have|a good time.
I would have had a good time.
I would have had a wonderful|time sitting with Gordon, watching the Holly Dixon|Dance Company and then having|some dinner.
But I don't think|I'll have a good time doing the same thing|with Gordon, Casey, and|blind-date-lawyer woman.
Does she like modern dance? Who cares, lsaac? Certainly not me.
The point is I can work|tomorrow night if you want.
No, the point is you|don't want to see Casey|out with another woman.
Another woman? Yes.
Another woman other than whom? Can I please go home? That is not true.
I love my home.
You are wrong.
Then enjoy the Holly Dixon|people.
Holly Dixon Dance Company.
And I can't believe|that you, of all people,|have joined those who believe I have anything|but a friendly interest|in Casey.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe|I've been standing here|talking to you this long.
-- Hey, lsaac --|-- I'm going home, Casey.
Yeah, I was just thinking, tomorrow midnight's|the trade deadline.
-- Yes?|-- There might be|an eleventh-hour trade.
-- There won't be.
|-- There might be.
-- There won't be.
|-- There could be.
-- Casey --|-- Look Natalie's running the room|for the first time.
If there's breaking news,|I should be there.
-- To do what?|-- The things I do.
Good night.
Isaac -- -- Casey's right.
|-- I am? Yes, except I should be|the one to stay because of the trade deadline|and because Casey won't be here.
I will be here.
You don't have to be here.
|I can be here.
Any chance I can not be here? Isaac -- I've talked to four people|in the G.
M.
's office,|including the G.
M.
they are not making the trade.
Nothing is going to happen|at the eleventh hour.
Natalie's show will be simple.
Both of you are off.
|Is there anything else? -- It is possible|-- I'm just saying Good.
|I'll see you both Friday.
Well, you seem awfully eager|to bail on your date.
-- It's not a date.
|-- It is a date.
And it seems to me|your reason for wanting|to work tomorrow night has a lot to do with|not wanting to see Gordon|and me on a date.
It seems to me|the reason you're practically|tackling lsaac to the ground is because you don't want|to see me go out on a date|with anyone who isn't you.
-- Casey.
|-- I'm excited for this date.
No, you're not.
Particularly|the Hickory Dickory Dancers.
The Holly Dixon Dance Company, and don't think|I don't know your M.
O.
-- I don't have an M.
O.
|-- Yes, you do.
My M.
O.
is to experience|lively conversation,|fine dining, and some of the best|interpretive dancing|money can buy.
No, you think at a certain point|during the evening, you'll say something wonderful|to me, and I'll melt, and that'll teach me|for going out with Gordon|instead of you.
I'll settle for you spilling|something on yourself.
-- I'll see you tomorrow.
|-- Yes, you will.
Jeremy: Am I the only one|who thought they were gonna|make the trade?|Natalie: Yes.
I really thought|they were gonna make the trade.
-- And I was pretty certain|they weren't.
|-- I know.
In fact, I'm pretty sure|I bet you $5 they weren't|gonna make the trade.
-- Yes, I know.
|-- You took the position that|they were gonna make the trade, and I was an advocate for the|notion that they were not.
These are all things|that I know.
-- Do you know you owe me $5?|-- The trade deadline's|midnight.
I'm gonna want a crisp $5 bill, not some raggedy-ass thing|from the newsstand.
Yeah, yeah.
Bumpers in and out of 10.
We'll tease Villanova for now,|but that might change.
Elliott, where are we on time? Uh, we need a buck fifty back.
-- What can we cut?|-- Formula 1.
That's good film.
|Let's bump Oksana Baiul.
-- Oksana Baiul?|-- Lose it.
The Ukrainian jewel,|Oksana Baiul? -- Yes.
|-- You can't bump Oksana Baiul.
And yet look how I just did.
Here at 6:00.
Will, Chris, Dave,|I can count on you guys tonight? -- Absolutely.
|-- Big night.
|-- Natalie's running the room.
Nat, you got a sec? -- One sec.
Kim?|-- Yeah? Should we hold off|in the 40s? -- Tampa Bay?|-- Should we wait? -- I'd wait till 10:00.
|-- Tell Elliott.
|-- Okay.
How can I help you? -- First let me say this is|an exciting night for you.
|-- Yes.
-- We're all very excited|for you.
|-- Thanks.
-- 'Cause it's exciting.
|-- What do you need, Dan? -- Special night.
|-- It's no big deal.
-- It's a very big deal.
|-- What do you need? You know I would never question|your choice of substitute|anchor, right? -- Right.
|-- I mean, this is your first|time stepping in for Dana.
These are your decisions|tonight.
I would never second-guess you,|and I would certainly|never question your choice|of substitute anchor.
-- So what's on your mind?|-- l-I question your choice|of substitute anchor.
-- Bobbi's fine.
|-- She's better than fine.
-- She's very good.
|-- She's very, very good.
-- So what's the problem?|-- There's no problem.
-- It sounded like|there was a problem.
|-- I'm not spreading ill will|here.
That should be clear.
|I'm not dropping a dime|on anybody.
Where I come from, we don't|say things about people.
-- You come from Connecticut.
|-- That's right.
You don't say things about|people in Connecticut? -- We do not.
|-- What's the problem? -- Bobbi's a lunatic.
|-- Dan -- She's an off-the-charts|lunatic.
-- Why don't you like her?|-- I like her fine.
-- Talented.
Smart.
|Very professional.
|-- But -- Total nut bar.
|-- Got it.
She's convinced|we slept together once|and I never called her.
-- Did you?|-- Did I sleep with her? -- Did you call her?|-- I didn't sleep with her.
-- Why does she think you did?|-- It's hard to say, but it could have something|to do with the fact|that she's psychotic.
It's gonna be Bobbi.
It's your decision.
Yes, it is.
-- Very exciting.
|-- Thank you! [ lndistinct conversations,|silverware clinking ] Actually I asked for an olive|instead of a lemon twist.
I hate to bother you,|but I'll tell you why --|I'm allergic to lemon twists.
Not lemons themselves,|just the peels.
And not always.
|Just recently.
-- Honey?|-- Yeah.
That's my drink.
-- Ah.
|-- Yes.
Are you allergic to lemon peels? -- No.
|-- Ha ha.
Then we're fine.
-- I'll get some menus.
|-- Thanks.
So I was telling|Gordon that it's funny|your name is Lisa, because my ex-wife's|name was Lisa.
In fact it still is.
I was married|to a woman named Lisa|for a little over 10 years, but now I'm not anymore.
My name's Leesa.
"Leeza"? -- Yes.
|-- With a "Z"? -- Spelled with an "S.
"|-- But pronounced with a "Z.
" -- Yes.
|-- lnteresting.
My ex-wife spelled hers|with an "S," pronounced it with an "S" --|the whole nine yards.
You know, maybe Leesa|doesn't want to hear|all that much about Lisa.
I'm sorry.
Well, it is sure nice|being out like this, huh? -- Cheers.
|-- Cheers.
-- Cheers.
|-- Cheers.
[ Glasses clinking ] [ Sighs ] Sothe name of this restaurant|is Tony Anthony's.
Anthony Anthony.
In Cuba, Ricky Ricardo|would've been Ricardo Ricardo.
And Lucy would've|been pronounced "Loozy.
" Dana: Hey, you know|what might be fun? If you didn't talk for, like,|a minute and a half.
Well, I definitely will, if that means we get to|hear more about your|citrus allergies.
Are you gonna let him talk|to me like this? It would've been|Ricardo Ricardo.
Thank you.
-- [ Cellphone rings ]|-- Oh, that's me.
Is it Natalie?|If it's Natalie, let me|speak to her right away.
If it's anyone from the show,|let me speak to them.
|Is it -- Is it Natalie? I think I have to answer|the phone before I can say|for sure.
Yes.
Good.
|Answer the phone.
Thank you.
-- Hello?|Dan: Hi.
|-- Is it Dan? If it's Dan,|I need to speak to him.
No, that's silly.
|Natalie's got it under control.
-- Is it Dan?|-- What's happening? Dana's about to pull|a hamstring, which is more than|I could've hoped for during the Humpty Dumpty|dance-a-thon.
Holly Dixon Dance Company, and they were off their game|tonight.
Give me the phone.
Uh-uh-uh.
|Somebody forgot the magic word.
Please.
Would you please|give me the phone? No.
Leesa, would you|excuse me for a second?|I'm gonna take this over|where it's quieter.
Sure.
Gordon, could I have|your phone please? Honey, why don't you just|relax tonight? I am relaxed.
It's just that it's five minutes|to air, and I'm a little nervous|for Natalie.
Oh, well, I'm sure|Natalie can handle it.
I'm sure she can.
Can I have your phone? You need to let the show go|once in a while.
-- Yes, I do.
|-- You know I'm right.
You are right.
-- So let's just have|a good time.
|-- Let's do.
But first, how 'bout you|give me the damn phone? Or I could just give you|the phone.
Thanks, pumpkin.
[ Dialing ] I'm having a really good time.
|This is nice.
Man: Five minutes to air.
|Five minutes to air.
I don't know, man.
|She's got the crazy eyes.
Well, you should've called her.
I never slept with her.
You should've slept with her|and then called her.
How's Lisa? I'm having some trouble|pronouncing her name.
Lisa? It's Leesa.
-- With a "Z"?|-- No.
-- I don't understand.
|-- Yeah, me neither.
Hey, you know|who looks good tonight? Dana.
How does Gordon look? Have a good show.
Thanks.
[ lndistinct conversations ] Please understand.
It's not that I don't think|Natalie isn't capable.
She's extremely capable.
Her capability really|can't be questioned.
But Natalie's young, and she's|from a very small town in Ohio, a very small town.
There were 32 people|in her high school class.
Her town was so small, it's almost hard to believe that|she's kept me on hold this long.
[ Light laughter ] Dave: Stand by audio,|stand by VTR.
-- Elliott, get me F/X-4.
|-- Comin' to you.
Thank you.
|Show me San Diego and preview 7.
-- 7's up.
|-- San Diego's on 2.
Dana's still on hold.
This is a comfortable chair.
You took your sweet time.
Hey, could you put Casey|on the phone for a second? -- But --|-- Just for a second,|then right back to you.
She wants to talk to you.
Hey, Nat.
-- Keep her off the phone.
|-- You bet.
-- [ Cellphone beeps ]|-- [ Gasps ] Hey, hey! Thank you.
Hey, what do you know|about the fennel salad here? What do you need to know? Well, like, for instance|what's fennel? Excuse me.
Where's she going? She's going to tell|the bartender to change the channel to CSC.
[ Music plays ] You see, Leesa, unlike Dana, I am able to enjoy|a relaxing night out.
What time do you have? -- Oh.
It's about --|-- I mean the exact time,|don't give me about.
It's 1 1 :00.
Eat 'em up, Danny! [ "Sports Night" theme music|plays ] How you doin'? [ lndistinct conversations ] Listen.
Please.
|Listen to me.
You're obviously mixing me up|with someone else.
You know what, Dan?|I'm a professional broadcaster,|and I have a broadcast to do.
You got me at a time in my life|when I was very vulnerable, but you'll be happy to know|I am not that silly little girl|anymore.
No, those days are over.
It wasn't me.
Let's not play these games.
Dave: In 32 Good evening.
From New York City,|I'm Dan Rydell alongside Bobbi Bernstein|sitting in for Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we'll take|you to Talladega, Tallahassee,|and Tuscaloosa, where the ball had trouble|finding the basket.
We'll take you to Salt Lake,|Westlake, and Westwood, where the team had trouble|finding the bus.
All that coming up after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
-- We're out.
|-- Two minutes back.
Natalie? Yeah.
I just talked to my guy|at L.
A.
X.
Yeah.
-- Are you ready for this?|-- What? They weren't on the charter.
-- Are you sure?|-- Yeah.
I mean, is he sure --|The guy in L.
A.
? He says they weren't|on the plane with the team.
Did I call it? -- Who else knows?|-- I don't know.
She means the guy|at the airport.
|Who else has him? -- Nobody.
|-- You trust him? Yep.
Kim, the Breakfront Hotel|in Vero Beach.
Ask for Housekeeping.
|When you get Housekeeping,|ask for Angela.
Tell Angela|that Natalie Hurley would like her to go|to Mr.
McDermott's room -- to see if he'd like|turn-down service.
|-- Do I wait? -- She'll call back.
|-- Let's get this.
Stand by, 5.
Nothing like|a good shrimp cocktail.
Shrimp cocktail is comfort food.
Shrimp cocktail|and a couple of vodka martinis.
I'm glad|you're starting to relax.
You're out of town|covering a game, you're in a strange hotel,|you know what you do? -- Order a shrimp cocktail?|-- You order a shrimp cocktail.
Leesa, tell Casey about what|that guy said this morning.
-- Casey's not paying attention.
|-- Yes, I am.
In your head,|you were counting yourself back|from the commercial.
-- No, I wasn't.
|-- You were counting yourself|back from commercial in that big,|block head of yours.
-- Dana's a lot of fun,|isn't she?|-- Gordon: Yes.
I, on the other hand, -- am relaxing|and enjoying a shrimp cocktail.
|-- Tell us the story.
It's just there's|this trade deadline.
-- I know.
|-- And it could be|a last-minute trade.
There's not gonna be|a last-minute trade.
You're an expert|all of a sudden? Tell us the story|about the guy.
Did I mention that the place|where Natalie grew up isvery small? Natalie:|Stevie, that's a slow 10.
Kim, what have you got? The housekeeping woman|said there were five men|in the room.
She described them this way -- "Tall, balding man|with a mustache and|slightly tinted glasses.
" -- That's Marvin Kaufman.
|-- Who else? Late 20s, tan, Pat Reilly hair.
-- Don't know.
|-- Who else? -- Heavyset, beard.
|-- That's Rudin.
|-- They're making the trade.
You know what, Dan?|It was Spain.
I was young and wide-eyed|and in Spain.
And I don't mind so much|that you took advantage of what was obviously a very|vulnerable time in my life.
And I don't mind that you danced|with me and held me and whispered your lies|in my ear but to not call again -- In my entire life,|I have never been to Spain! -- Lies!|-- Natalie! -- Hey, Dan|-- Will you tell her that -- -- we've got a situation.
|-- What's going on? Elliott's contact at L.
A.
X.
|says someone never got|on the charter, and Kaufman, Rudin,|and two other guys are sitting in McDermott's|hotel room in Vero Beach.
-- Let's get it.
|-- Work the phones.
Who do you know at the Dodgers? Flowers, I'm sure,|would've been too much to ask|from the great Dan Rydell.
Hey, crazy lady,|we've got breaking news here.
|Are you up for this? Oh, sure, Dan.
|Whatever you say.
|Women are just here for you.
Dave: All right Thank you, Tracy Heller.
We'll be back to the MCl Center|later in the show, but first a little trip|to the Cameron lndoor Stadium, where the Duke Blue Devils|are playing host to their crosstown rivals.
The University of|North Carolina Tar Heels, coming off the win against LSU,|had their sights on [ Continues indistinctly ] She's doing fine.
Yes, she is.
Ooh.
-- What?|-- Jealous? Guys.
The fill-in's doing fine.
-- I agree.
|-- Then why'd you say|what you said? What did I say? You said,|"She's doing fine.
" No, you said,|"She's doing fine.
" What did you say? I said, "Yes, she is.
" And what did you mean by that? I meant she's doing fine.
Listen, I don't know you two|very well, and maybe it's just because|you're drunk, but I think you're unnecessarily|intense about your show.
Gordon's right.
It's just sports,|for crying out loud.
It's not the Paris peace talks.
Ah, get yourself a real name.
Nice! We just want you to confirm|or deny.
-- We're not gonna make it.
|-- lsaac -- We don't want to use|your name.
Can we just say "confirmed,"|is what I'm asking.
Chris, give me a preview|of 66 and 70.
-- You need 68.
|-- Stand by 60.
-- You want 68?|-- Just 66 and 70.
-- And 68.
|-- lsaac -- -- 68's coming.
|-- I don't need 68.
You need 68.
-- No, I don't.
|-- Chris, show her 68.
Chris, preview 66 and 70.
|Isaac, please stay quiet.
-- Please stay quiet?|-- We blew off 68|in the 10:00 rundown.
Now, please stay quiet.
-- Go 60.
|-- Isaac -- May I ask why?|-- Not right now you can't.
Right now you can fire me|or stay quiet.
You're very good.
He won't comment,|but it's happening.
You let him up off the mat.
Natalie: Jeremy --|-- He wouldn't comment.
You let him up off the mat,|Elliott.
Damn it! This guy's calling Vero Beach|right now and everyone in Florida's|gonna shut the hell up.
-- Cool it, Jeremy.
|-- That is,|until they can feed it -- to anyone who works|for Rupert Murdoch.
|-- Cool it! -- That was a blown phone call!|-- And I said cool it! Elliott, you feel okay saying|"unconfirmed reports"? Yeah.
Kim? -- Yeah.
|-- You can't run any report,|Natalie.
You've got a baggage handler|and a chambermaid.
No one's saying|this is happening.
-- You want to leave the room?|-- No.
Then allow for the possibility|that from time to time, other people might be|at least as smart as you are.
-- lsaac?|-- Yeah.
"Unconfirmed reports"|and I call McDermott? Absolutely.
Get me the hotel.
I'm sorry about that.
Yeah.
Elliott, we don't even have|unconfirmed reports.
McDermott doesn't know that.
Dan, listen Sources inside the Dodger|organization? Say "sources inside|the general manager's office.
" Are you sure we want|to do this? Yeah.
-- Okay.
|-- Talk to me.
Do it.
You've got the hotel.
-- McDermott?|-- Yeah.
Mr.
McDermott,|this is Natalie Hurley|over at "Sports Night.
" And I'm very sorry|to bother you this late, but we've got two people|from your office who say you're about to close|a 7-player trade.
Well, you don't have to take|my word for it, sir, you can turn on your|television set right now.
In 32 Welcome back.
We have an unconfirmed report|involving the Los Angeles|Dodgers -- and a seismic 7-player,|eleventh-hour deal|-- I think it was a good idea|we stepped over to the bar -- to have a drink.
|-- Absolutely.
The environment was getting|hostile at the table.
And I really haven't been|a very good date.
No, you haven't.
But we have the whole rest|of the night, and I think I can make|a comeback.
Well, okay then.
-- Can I just ask one question?|-- Sure.
Did he just say something|about unconfirmed reports|of a trade? Yes.
Okay.
Have you noticed how I haven't|looked at the television|in a while? Yes, I have.
I've been rotten tonight.
Yes, you have.
I'm not the world's greatest|girlfriend, am l? There's some room|for improvement.
That actually wasn't|the response I was hoping for.
[ Scoffs ] Uh Iook, Dana|I don't know if -- Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
-- Dana.
|-- What? Unconfirmed reports|coming out of Vero Beach.
Uhexcuse me.
-- I --|-- Go.
I'll be right back.
Go.
[ Silverware clanks ] [ Footsteps depart ] My only question|for you, Dan, is why.
-- Oh, for God's sake.
|-- Is it just so hard for you to be with a woman|who's your equal? I didn't sleep with you.
|If I'd have slept with you,|I would have called you.
If I'd slept with you,|you'd know it.
If I'd have slept with you,|I'd know it! [ Telephone rings in distance ] Confirmed.
-- What?|-- Confirmed.
-- You're kidding.
|-- Danny? Fantastic, Natalie.
|Way to go.
Are you sleeping with Natalie? -- Would you shut up?|Dave: In 32 The Lady Tigers have won|seven in a row at home and 10 of their last 12.
The unconfirmed reports|from the Dodger camp have now been confirmed, and CSC is now reporting|that a 7-player trade, including three all-stars, -- has beaten the trade deadline|by a scant four minutes.
|-- She did it.
|-- Yeah.
For more, let's go|to Kelly Kirkpatrick|at Vero Beach.
Kelly? What was Gordon about to say? What? -- What was Gordon about to say?|-- When? Just now.
Nothing.
You look really nice|tonight, Dana.
[ Laughs ] [ Dialing cellphone ] [ Sighs ] Thank you.
Hey, girl.
Look what you did.
How's dinner? Casey doesn't like|fennel salad.
-- Hey, Dana?|-- Yeah? What do I do at the end|of this thing? Take a bow, Natalie.
-- You think?|-- Absolutely.
Tag it, Dan.
Their combined contracts make for a total package|in excess of $120 million.
That was a CSC exclusive.
-- All right.
|-- You've been watching|"Sports Night.
" I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Bobbi Bernstein.
That's all for us.
|Have a good night.
-- Music.
|-- Go.
-- Animation.
|-- Go.
We are out.
Nice show, everybody.
|Way to go.
Natalie, I got a beer for you|in my office right now.
This woman gets scotch|in my office.
I'll be right there, guys.
[ Telephones ringing ] You see? And that is what is|so cruel -- you lift a woman's spirits up, and then you just dash them|to the ground.
Well, it's the only way|I can get them to my laboratory.
What? You're good, Natalie.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
What'd you think|I was around here,|Jeremy, some gal Friday? No.
I just didn't know|you were that good.
[ Papers rustling ] Wellyou were right|about the trade.
Go log the floor manager's|report and then come have a drink.
You bet.
[ Soft instrumental music|plays ] [ Up-tempo instrumental music|plays ]