Sports Night (1998) s01e14 Episode Script


Casey:|Leonard Mooker of Newton,|Massachusetts, asks, "If the 1927|New York Yankees team played "the 1 998 New York Yankees team|in the World Series, who'd win?" Leonard, get a grip.
The World Series, by tradition, is contested|by two different teams made up of players|that are alive at the same time.
But if you want an answer|to your question, my guess is that the '27 Yankees|would be confounded by the jet airplanes|flying overhead.
And that does it|for "Ask Dan and Casey.
" Dan.
We've got more coming up,|including Michigan/lndiana and a swim in the shark tank, plus you never know when Casey's|gonna freak out on the air.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
-- We're out.
|-- Three minutes back.
-- Do you understand?|-- No.
-- You don't?|-- No.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
-- Can I spread it out for you|in a nutshell?|-- No.
-- I can't?|-- No.
-- Why not?|-- 'Cause I'm tired of you|mixing your metaphors.
"Spread it out for you|in a nutshell"? How you doing?|I'm a professional writer.
You got a spot|or something right there.
[ lndistinct voices ] Does 20B have film? -- The end of the Michigan game?|-- Yeah.
|-- Not yet.
Jeremy, we don't have film|on the end of the Michigan game? -- No.
|-- Why not? We're waiting for them to play|the end of the Michigan game.
All right.
Load 16 and 16A.
-- Show me Denver.
|-- Denver's up.
It was 66 degrees|in Denver today.
Tell me quickly why I care.
No earthly reason.
-- So you really don't|understand?|-- No.
Then I'm gonna have to spread it|out for you in a nutshell.
[ Sighs ] Okay.
I was riding the elevator|a couple of weeks ago.
Riding up to work? No, Casey.
|Just riding around.
-- Listen --|-- You don't have to ask|questions.
I'm gonna tell the story|clearly.
The things you need to know,|I'm gonna tell you.
Yeah, but I married|someone once who said that.
|Now she has half my stuff.
-- I don't want your stuff.
|-- You say that now.
Natalie introduced me|to this woman who works|in the building.
Did you make a pass at her? -- Again, there's the asking|of the questions.
|-- Did you? -- I don't even think people say|"make a pass" anymore.
I just did.
I didn't make a pass at her.
|You know why? -- 'Cause you're not that guy?|-- 'Cause I'm not that guy.
Elliott: 90 seconds back.
I guess my point was that it was|unseasonably hot in Denver.
-- Was it a record?|-- No.
-- Then I don't care.
|-- That's okay.
In fact, I'm pretty sure|I wouldn't have cared even|if it had been a record.
There was record rainfall|in Katmandu.
Are you sensitive|about being a weather nerd? I mean, if I make fun of|your being a weather nerd,|will it hurt your feelings? He prefers "meteorology nerd,"|don't you, sweetie? -- Actually, yeah.
|-- Where's 20B? You understand you're|asking for film of something|that hasn't happened yet? Thank you, Mr.
-- Don't get persnickety.
|-- Was I getting persnickety? A little persnickety.
You're wrong.
|Where the hell's 16? -- 16's up.
|-- You want 16B?|-- 16B? -- Yeah.
|-- No, and the way|you can tell I don't want it|is that I didn't ask for it.
That was persnickety.
I heard that.
-- Dana's preoccupied.
|-- Natalie -- Why?|-- Kim She thinks Gordon's about to|break up with her.
Natalie, are you able|to distinguish between|conversations we have in private and conversations we have|in a roomful of people? Also, she's secretly in love|with Casey.
Oh, I want this commercial break|to be over so bad.
-- Dana?|-- Yeah? I'd like the senior staff|in the conference room|after the show.
-- Why?|-- Because I said so.
-- Oh, and that's|not persnickety?|-- He makes it work.
Isaac, at this meeting|after the show, are any of these|people here gonna get fired? -- No.
|-- 'Cause I don't care|if they do.
So then I started going out on|a couple of dates with Elaine, and now it would be wrong|for me to call this girl|and ask her out -- even though Natalie keeps|telling her that I'm gonna.
|-- Telling who? The girl from the elevator.
|There's only one girl|in this story, Casey.
There were three girls|in that story.
-- 10 seconds back.
|-- Anyway, that was it|in a nutshell.
-- You understand now?|-- Actually? -- Yeah.
|-- No.
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
The horse's owner,|Sheik Abdul Al Ben-Venista, said the syndicate will|seriously consider entering Fool's Ransom|in the Kentucky Derby.
Trainer Tubby Licht said|he thought Fool's Ransom could run the table|and win the Triple Crown.
Fool's Ransom declined|to comment.
That's gonna do it for us.
We'd like to welcome|the Four Corners Cable System|in Pena Blanca, New Mexico, to the Continental Sports|Channel family.
Any of you out there|in Pena Blanca, New Mexico,|who are watching us right now, turn off your television sets|and go outside.
You live in New Mexico,|for cryin' out loud.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
|We'll see you tomorrow.
Good night.
-- Music.
|-- Yep.
-- Animation.
|-- Go.
We're out.
Everybody, senior staff|in the conference room.
So I'm gonna try telling you|this story one more time.
Can I just make a suggestion? Sure.
What if,|instead of you telling me|the story right this second, you never tell me the story,|ever? I'm riding in the elevator|with Natalie, Natalie says,|"Oh, hey, Rebecca.
" And Natalie wasn't talking|to you? No.
I think she was talking|to Rebecca.
-- 'Cause I thought maybe|you had a new nickname.
|-- I don't.
-- So if I shout, "Yo, Rebecca,"|you won't turn around?|-- No.
What about "Becky"? Anyway, we talked for maybe|14 floors, she gets off -- -- Natalie?|-- Rebecca.
And I say,|"Natalie, she seemed nice.
" Couple days later,|Natalie tells me that Rebecca really liked me|and that I should call her, so I said I would.
Couple days go by,|Natalie keeps telling me how much Rebecca likes me|and wants me to call her, but unbeknownst|to either Rebecca or Natalie, a third character has|now entered the story.
I started dating Elaine.
Tell me|I'm not paying attention.
-- [ Snaps fingers ]|-- The breakup's coming.
He's gonna break up with me.
I've got to pull a rabbit|out of a hat.
-- You should talk to someone.
|-- I'm talking to you.
You know|who you should talk to? -- Who?|-- Casey.
Would you please,|in the name of everything holy,|give that up? You should talk to Casey.
That's your only advice? -- No.
|I have other advice.
|-- What? That was my only advice.
Natalie, I'm really scared.
-- I know.
|-- [ Telephone ringing ] You know what you should do? What? You should talk to Casey.
Why should I talk to Casey? Casey's good at this.
-- We have a meeting.
|-- Also, you're secretly in love|with him.
I'm not secretly in love|with him, all right? I'm in love|with Gordon publicly.
That's why you can hear me|saying it.
I am, on every level,|in love with Gordon.
-- I know.
|-- Good.
But you're secretly in love|with Casey.
We have a meeting.
[ lndistinct voices ] -- So you understand|my problem?|-- Oh, now? -- Yeah.
|-- No.
Are you gonna call Rebecca? Absolutely.
Yeah? I'm absolutely gonna call|Rebecca.
She can't wait.
I can't call Rebecca.
Anybody know|what this is about? -- lsaac called it.
|-- Is there any food? No, 'cause the caterer|called in sick.
What's with her? Nothing.
Is it nature's special time? Oh, you know what?|Bite me so hard for that.
[ Flicking sugar ] Two inches of rain in Katmandu.
Geek boys.
Is everyone here? Yeah.
|This won't take long.
There's gonna be|a piece in tomorrow's|Wall Street Journal.
Don't worry about it.
[ Taps table ]|That's all.
-- Whoa, whoa.
|-- lsaac? -- What?|-- What are you,|Agatha Christie? What's in the Journal? Don't worry about it.
Good night.
-- Well, that was reassuring.
|-- [ Door closes ] [ lndistinct voices ] -- You can't go in there yet.
|-- Why not? He's in with J.
-- What are you doing?|-- Waiting for him to be done|with J.
-- How long|has he been in there?|-- About 20 minutes.
-- How long have you been|out here?|-- About five minutes.
-- What do you think --|-- How many more questions|do I have in my future, Casey? Makin' a little|conversation.
What's going on? Dana's not fielding|any more questions right now.
He's in with J.
-- I didn't think|it was so bad.
|-- No.
Who do you think the source is|on the quote? -- Danny thinks it's Luther.
|-- It's Luther.
-- Who do you think it is?|-- I think it's Luther, too.
-- You're both idiots.
|-- Who do you think it is? Oh, I think it's Luther.
|I'm just saying you're|both idiots.
Let's go in there.
He's in a meeting.
I think we should join|the meeting.
I don't think we were invited|to the meeting.
Perhaps he didn't know|we were available.
He's right.
Knock on the door and say|you're looking for a pencil.
No, no.
|A pencil's too obvious.
-- Yeah, you're right.
|We need something a --|-- A staple remover! [ Snaps fingers ]|Staple remover's good! [ Exhales sharply ] [ Laughing ]|What are you doing? I was trying a magic trick|on the off chance that the two|of you would burst into flame.
No luck.
You're 100% right|to be upset.
-- I'm not upset.
|-- You seem upset.
I'm about to be upset.
-- lsaac, you --|-- When I'm upset,|you'll know it.
"While confirming|the two-hour meeting "between Sachs and Delahansen, "a spokesperson for CSC denied|that the meeting was an effort "to court|the programming veteran.
"'Luther Sachs and Delahansen|are social acquaintances, ' "said the spokesperson.
'They met for lunch.
"' Who was the spokesperson? Betty Gates in P.
-- I've heard stronger denials.
|-- She's already been called|on the carpet.
"One source familiar|with the situation "and speaking on the condition|of anonymity "said that recent friction|between Sachs "and 'Sports Night"s|managing editor, lsaac Jaffee, "had more to do|with on-air content than off-air differences|of opinion.
" Who's the unnamed source? We have no idea.
Isaac, we have no idea.
When I say something,|I put my name next to it.
Luther wants you to know|that he regrets that the lunch with Delahansen|became public.
And he also wants you to know that he regrets|any embarrassment|this may have caused you.
Yeah, I can tell|by the way he hasn't|called me all morning.
-- [ Knock on door ]|-- Come in.
[ Door opens ] I'm sorry|to bother you, lsaac.
I was just wondering|if you had a staple remover.
Hey, J.
Hey, Jeremy,|you got that staple remover|that we're all -- Hey, J.
-- Hi, Dan.
|-- Who else is out there? -- How you doin'?|-- Hi.
[ Chuckles ]|What's up? Not too much.
You remember when I said|don't worry about it? Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Should I close the door? As long as you're all on|the other side of it, yes.
What'd he say? He said|not to worry about it.
Feel like doing|some tape work? Yeah, in a minute, but I'm gonna|go see Rebecca first.
-- Elevator woman?|-- It's the menschy thing|to do.
It is.
I could blow her off, but -- -- But you're not that guy.
|-- I'm not that guy.
-- This would be a good time|to talk to him.
|-- Leave me alone.
'Cause you can see|he's by himself in his office.
What makes you think Casey's|interested in advising me on how I can get Gordon|not to break up with me? -- He's not,|but he'll do it anyway.
|-- Why? 'Cause he's secretly|in love with you.
-- He's not.
|-- He's only pretending|he's not.
We've been through this,|you and l.
He's pretending|he's pretending he's not|so I think he is, but he's not,|but he thinks he is, which doesn't matter, anyway,|because I'm in love|with Gordon.
-- I know.
|-- Good.
But you're secretly in love|with Casey.
[ Telephone ringing ] What do you need? This will sound ridiculous, but I actually need|a staple remover.
Leave me alone.
Hi, there.
Listen, you have|every right to be mad, but before you say anything,|can I just speak? Sure.
Here's the thing -- I did tell Natalie|that I liked you when I met you|in the elevator, and I did tell Natalie|that I was gonna call you, but then, like a day later,|I went out on a date with|this woman named Elaine, and then I went out|on another date with her, and it's gotten|a little serious, which is|why I never called you.
But I wanted to come up here|and tell you that personally, first of all|'cause I thought it was|the menschy thing to do, and second of all|because I really did like you when I met you|in the elevator.
Now you should feel free|to yell at me.
Who the hell are you? It's me.
-- Is this a joke?|-- No.
-- It isn't?|-- No.
I'm not that good with jokes.
You don't have to|be good with jokes.
|This isn't a joke.
Jennifer didn't put you up|to this? -- I don't know a Jennifer.
|-- I don't know you.
I'm Dan Rydell.
We met in the elevator.
[ Snaps fingers ]|Yes, we did.
What can I do for you? I'm Dan Rydell.
So I heard.
[ Laughing ]|Andhere I am.
Yes, you are.
Jennifer didn't put you up|to this? -- Stop w-with the Jennifer.
|-- Okay.
Natalie told me that you were|expecting me to call you.
-- You didn't think|I was gonna call you?|-- No.
[ Laughs ] [ Sighs ] [ Engines revving ] [ Click ] [ Click, revving resumes ] Wow.
|[ Clears throat ] "Wow" what? Those cars are going fast.
Yeah, they're going|as fast as they can, 'cause the first one across|the finish line gets|a trophy and a check.
-- Like a race?|-- Right.
What do you need? -- What do I need?|-- Yeah.
-- You came in here.
|-- Right.
-- Yeah.
|-- I just had|a strange experience.
Why did you come in here? [ Laughing ]|lhonestly can't remember.
I'll see you later.
That woman is crazier|than any 10 people I know.
She wasn't expecting me|to ask her out.
Rebecca? Yes.
In fact, she|barely remembered who I was.
That must've been awkward.
Indeed it was.
She didn't remember you|from the elevator? Eventually.
But first she thought Jennifer|was playing a practical joke.
Who's Jennifer? Who cares?|I was standin' up there.
So Natalie blew the call.
Oh, Natalie blew the call|in a big ol' way, yes, but that's not my real problem.
I want you to take note|right now -- I am not asking you|what your real problem is.
My real problem|is that I seem to have made no impression on her at all|in the elevator.
And then I was talking|to her just now being cute as a button,|thinking that she'd say,|"Hey, listen, I don't --" "Well, as long as you came|all the way up here, how about|a date for lunch?" -- Something along those lines.
|-- Yeah.
Yeah, but the reason you went|up there was to tell her you couldn't go out with her|in the first place.
Right now that seems|beside the point.
Does that look like|he ran the caution? No.
They're moving|on the outside.
|That's what I thought.
I'm gonna go talk|to her again.
I'm gonna stay here|and do our job.
Is there a message you want me|to deliver to Luther? No message|I want you to deliver.
Isaac, I'm on your team.
You know, I know|you don't think of me that way,|but I am a good go-between.
I don't need a go-between,|J.
Luther isn't hiding out|in the mountains|with the rebel army.
Isaac -- This has got to stop, J.
|-- I agree.
I worked on newspapers|for 23 years, -- l|-- and I know|how to read one.
-- lsaac|-- More to do with problems|on camera? That's not good for the show.
That's not good for CSC, it's not good|for Continental Corp,|and it's not good for Luther.
Give him that message.
You know,|I wish you'd use me more.
You know,|I think I could help.
I suppose you're right.
Oh, uh, my fiancée is|back in town.
Do you mind if I bring her|to watch the show tonight? I don't mind.
|Ask Dana.
All right.
|See you later.
-- [ Door closes ]|-- Do me a favor, Toni.
Run that by Paul or somebody|in the general council's office.
-- Hello.
|-- Hey, Don.
-- Dan.
|-- Dan.
I just came back|because I felt bad|about our first meeting.
-- In the elevator?|-- No, that meeting|I felt good about until our second meeting,|which I felt bad about.
Well, Dan, there's|really no need to feel bad|about any of our meetings.
That's easy for you to say.
|You don't remember any|of our meetings.
It was 10 seconds|in an elevator.
Yeah, but you've seen me|on TV.
When have I seen you on TV? I'm Dan Rydell.
And we're back|to the starting gate.
Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
I'm that Dan Rydell --|"Sports Night.
" Oh! I've never seen|"Sports Night.
" Don't you work for CSC? I work for Continental Corp,|so I do work for CSC,|but I'm an analyst.
They don't make me watch|the show.
[ Laughs ] There are people|who watch it voluntarily.
I'm sure there are.
It's a good show.
Yeah, I like the part|where you said your names.
-- We do more than that.
|-- I would think.
Anyway, like I said,|but for this woman Elaine, I definitely would've|called you.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
You bet.
[ Laughing ]|I really do have to work here.
No, listen,|I was just thinking --|I really like you.
I mean,|these little conversations|have been kind of fun, and I was wondering|if you'd like to maybe have|a drink later.
Oh, that's --|that's really sweet of you.
But no, thanks.
This thing with Elaine|isn't that serious.
-- Who's Elaine?|-- Exactly.
Dan, l-I really have|got work to do.
-- Look, do you want --|-- Dan, I'm flattered, honestly, but I'm just not interested.
Hey, you don't have to|hit me over the head.
[ Both chuckle ] At least you don't have to|do it seven or eight times.
It was good talking to you.
Yeah, it was a real clambake.
I'm gonna go scrape|my self-image off the floor and then get ready to do|my show, which, um, by the way, can be seen every night|on your network.
I'll keep an eye out for it.
[ Chuckles ] What? I just thought of|a funny visual.
I may need more time|in the 20s.
-- I can take it out of Seattle.
|-- Thanks.
Don't you want to know|my funny visual? Does it have to do with|the Zamboni? -- How did you know?|-- 'Cause you like Zambonis.
Everybody likes Zambonis.
-- Uh, I think you're wrong.
|-- There are people|who don't like them? I wouldn't say that, but I'd say|that most people are probably|indifferent toward them.
Do you think I'm weird? In so many different ways.
Because I like Zambonis? What's on your mind? I don't know|how to keep Gordon.
I don't know what to say|to him.
What do you want to say|to him? Don't break up with me.
That's not gonna work.
It won't? No.
|What else you got? Nothing.
[ Sighs ] -- You're wrong.
|-- No, I'm not.
You've got the truth.
I don't have the truth.
You'd be amazed|at how attractive -- the truth can be sometimes.
|-- Not for a woman.
-- You're wrong.
|-- The truth is, I have a job that involves me|and stimulates me and rewards me and|takes up a lot of my time, and I'm not willing to do|my job just a little bit.
I want to do all of it.
It's part of me,|and I am different without it, and that is who I am,|and that is who you|need to love.
-- Except it won't work.
|-- Yes, it will.
It won't! -- Say it just like that.
|-- It won't.
Dana, any man who hears that|and doesn't say, "For a woman like you,|for a person -- for you, "l will take whatever time|you can give me and be grateful for that|all my life.
" [ lndistinct voices ] Any man who hears that|and doesn't throw you down|on the nearest flat surface -- [ Laughs ]|-- is just taking up space|for the rest of us.
And you shouldn't need Natalie|to shove you in here anytime you want to talk|about something.
She didn't shove me in here.
Kim:|Five minutes to air, please.
|First team to the studio.
I gotta go.
I appreciate your talking.
I can have that time|in the 20s? Check back with me.
"VTR" -- that means|a videotape record.
That's the taped intro, then|they come live to the studio|30 seconds later.
-- J.
|-- lsaac.
Uh, Judith,|this is lsaac Jaffee,|the managing editor.
Uh, lsaac, this is|my fiancée, Judith.
How do you do?|So nice to finally meet you.
I hope I'm not imposing.
Judith, you are charming,|and you're welcome here|whenever you like.
Thank you.
Watch out for lsaac|and the ladies.
This is J.
's fiancée,|Judith.
-- Nice to meet you.
|-- Hi.
Would you give Judith|a quick introduction -- to Dan and Casey|before we start?|-- Sure.
I was thinking|about what I said earlier.
About what? About creating division|between the show|and the network.
I said it's not good for CSC,|it's not good for the show, it's not good|for Continental Corp, -- and it's not good|for Luther Sachs.
|-- Yeah.
So I asked myself,|"Who would it be good for?" Yeah.
I find out that quote|in the Journal came from you, I'm gonna own your ass.
I mean,|I'll absolutely own it.
They're both very nice|and very funny, and they like you a lot, J.
That's good.
Now, you're sure|I'm not in the way? Absolutely sure.
|Enjoy the show.
Roll VTR.
[ "Sports Night"|theme music plays ] Jeremy, what do you have|for a 30-second fill? -- What do you need?|-- Something that's 30 seconds.
How about a precocious|little high-pressure system|moving in over the Rocky Mountain region, creating winds|of up to 30 miles per hour|out of the northwest? Or how about something|having to do with sports? Excellent.
-- You talked to him?|-- Yeah.
-- What'd he say?|-- Nothing.
How do you feel? Better.
Dave: 20 seconds live.
Have a good show, everybody.
She likes you in the elevator,|then she pretends like|she doesn't know you? -- She's playing hard to get.
|-- I don't think she's playing|hard to get.
I think she has no interest|in me at all.
Got to respect her for that.
I don't even know her,|and -- no joke -- I -- I really like her.
It's little painful to me|that I'm not gonna be|seeing her tonight.
[ Chuckles ] You understand|what I'm saying? Truthfully?|Yes, I do.
Dave: In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
Bats and balls,|balls and strikes --|let's play ball.
It's time|for spring training.