Sports Night (1998) s01e19 Episode Script

Eli's Coming

Dan: Ernie Els, who missed|eight fairways on the back 9, still managed to finish|the day one under par to stay within three strokes|of the leader, Tiger Woods, who some of you|may have heard of.
That's all for us.
Don't forget tomorrow's|a big day as "March Madness" heads|into the ronde de seize.
You can join us|starting at 3:00 tomorrow when Dan and I will begin|our continuing coverage of the Sweet 16.
We'll be joined by analysts|in the field and our own Bobbi Bernstein -- right here in the studio.
|-- [ Chokes ] The fun starts tomorrow|afternoon at 3:00, and we'll be with you right|through till 1 1 :00 P.
M.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
-- Have a good night.
|-- Good night.
Dave: Music.
|Will: Go.
-- Animation.
|Chris: Go.
We're out.
-- Whoa!|-- Take it easy.
-- Whoa!|-- Dan.
When did this happen? You're talking|about Bobbi Bernstein? Yes, I am -- yes, I am talking|about Bobbi Bernstein.
I guess Dana forgot|to tell you.
Yes, I guess she did, Casey.
|I guess she forgot to tell me.
Oh, hey, you know what, Dan? I forgot to tell you|about Bobbi Bernstein.
-- Yes, you did.
|-- Bobbi's sitting|in for Jack.
What's wrong with Jack? -- He's sick.
|-- How sick? He's got flu-like symptoms.
Oh, honestly, who doesn't?|[ Laughs ] What's the problem|with Bobbi Bernstein? There's no problem.
-- She's good.
|-- She's very good.
She knows college basketball.
She's very good.
Listen, lsaac's gonna want|to show us pictures|from his vacation.
So I'm gonna get|a "Welcome Back" cake, and we'll have a little party|in his office tomorrow.
What kind of cake? -- What kind of cake?|-- Yes.
I don't know, Casey.
|Why do you ask? I'm particular about cake, and I have to say it's been|my experience that men buy|better cake than women.
I've found that women tend|to get these yogurt-frosted,|low-cal things Iaced with a rum-and-fruit|concoction that make eating cake into|something you do to be polite.
So that's why I was asking|what kind of cake you were planning on|getting to celebrate|lsaac's return from vacation.
Wow.
I didn't know you felt|so strongly about it.
But now that I do,|I guess the answer is|whatever cake I damn please.
Excellent.
Bobbi's coming in|from St.
Louis.
She'll be here|a little before 3:00.
-- Good.
|-- There's no problem|with Bobbi? -- No, ma'am.
|-- Good.
[ lndistinct voices ] I'd go for it.
Dan: Dana.
-- Can you believe I get|a whole little cake speech|from that guy?|-- Yeah.
I mean, is there anything|he won't make a speech about? Is there anything|he won't sit in judgment on? I mean, I am sorry to end|two sentences in a row with|a preposition like that, -- but no kidding, Danny --|-- Dana.
-- Yeah?|-- Hi.
Hi.
[ Chuckles ] Here's the thing -- Bobbi and I have|a very peculiar relationship.
-- I didn't know you|had a relationship.
|-- We don't.
-- I'm confused.
|-- You and me both.
Dan When I tell people this,|they don't believe me.
They think I'm lying.
Don't be ridiculous,|Dan.
Of course I'm gonna|believe you.
You say that now,|and that's nice, but when I say what|I'm gonna say, you're|not gonna believe me.
-- I'll believe you.
|-- Really? I'm standing here telling you|I'll believe you.
Bobbi Bernstein is convinced|that a long time ago in|a hotel room in Spain she and I slept together|and that I never called|her again.
Now, three things|are important.
I've never met|Bobbi Bernstein till she started doing|fieldwork here for the show, I've never slept|with Bobbi Bernstein, and I have never been|to Spain.
-- [ Chuckles ]|-- Thank you for believing me.
Danny|you never called her? -- Dana,|you just said that --|-- A woman likes|a phone call, Danny.
All right, listen --|and there's something with the stuff you guys|are putting in your hair.
Let me tell you something.
|I put nothing in my hair.
I was born with this hair,|and not enough people know that.
Rebecca's gonna be here|tomorrow.
-- Rebecca, by the way,|colors her hair.
|-- Dana, what She's a lovely woman,|but I'm saying that is not|her natural hair color.
Nonetheless, I think|I'd like to keep her on|as my girlfriend.
[ Laughs ] Rebecca and I are|in a very delicate period|of our relationship, and if she's standing around|while Bobbi Bernstein's|launching into arias about how I never called her|after sleeping with her|in Spain -- -- You should have|called her.
|-- I didn't sleep with her.
Flowers wouldn't have|killed you.
You're gonna be no help,|are you? It doesn't look like it,|does it? No.
Casey: Chocolate cake -- chocolate-filled,|chocolate-frosted,|chocolate cake.
I'm just saying.
There are days -- days that separate the men from the Men.
The men from the men? That's right.
-- What does --|-- The second "Men"|was with a capital "M.
" -- Ah.
|-- There are these days.
This is one of those days.
You should enjoy the moment.
What moment? This moment -- the Sweet 16.
-- Expanded coverage -- don't|you love expanded coverage?|-- Yes.
All day and all night --|a foxhole mentality.
Enjoy this moment.
Dan: Casey.
I'm pumping up the troops.
-- That's great.
|Let me talk to you.
|-- All right.
While I'm gone, everyone should|continue enjoying the moment.
[ Telephone ringing ] Listen to this --|this is all I want to say, and then I'm not gonna say|anything else.
I just went down|to Rebecca's office, and Steve Sisco was there.
Expanded coverage|all day and all night.
Maybe I'll talk about it|a little bit more than that.
-- Steve Sisco's|in her office?|-- Yes.
-- On a Saturday?|-- Yes.
What is Steve Sisco doing|in her office on a Saturday? Who cares if it's Saturday?|What's Steve Sisco doing|in her office? Hey, Rebecca, Steve Sisco,|Bobbi Bernstein -- You're gonna have quite|a little day.
-- Yeah, but I'm not talking|about it.
|-- Good.
-- I'm not thinking about it.
|-- Good.
-- We've got a lot of hours|on the air today.
|-- That's right.
-- The point is Steve Sisco|was in Rebecca's office|on a Saturday.
|--on a Saturday.
-- My girlfriend's ex-husband|was in her office on a Saturday,|and I'm fine.
|-- Good.
And I'm not saying|I'm fine in that dramatic way that's obviously meant to|indicate that I'm not fine.
That's not what I meant|when I said I'm fine.
-- What did you mean?|-- I meant I'm fine.
Okay.
-- I am.
|-- Excellent.
-- Look at me.
|-- I am.
-- Don't I look fine?|-- You look good.
-- I do.
|-- You're a good-looking|man, Danny.
Moreover, my girlfriend's|in her office talking|to her ex-husband, it's all happening on a|Saturday, and guess what.
-- You're fine?|-- I'm fine.
I just want you to know how frightened I am|with today's broadcast.
Yeah, I hear you.
A little higher.
-- Me?|-- Jeremy.
-- Higher?|-- Yes.
-- There?|-- Too high.
Actually, wait.
Yes, Natalie, you go higher.
|Right there.
-- Good?|-- Yes.
We can come down now? By all means, take a look.
|I like it.
I like the visual image,|don't you? -- The city skyline --|the banner.
|-- Yes.
Now here's the thing.
-- What?|-- I'm not wild|about the text.
-- The text?|-- Yeah.
-- It says, "Welcome back.
"|-- Right.
-- What's the problem?|-- I don't know.
It's a little on the nose,|don't you think? -- "Welcome back"?|-- Yeah.
-- Do I think|it's on the nose?|-- Yeah.
I suppose I do.
-- But it doesn't bother you?|-- Not that much.
You know who it would bother? -- Who?|-- Casey.
I think|it would bother Casey.
I find Casey to be judgmental,|and in my case, I find him to be|hyper-judgmental.
Did he say something|about your hair? No, he said|something about -- Wait.
What would he say|about my hair? Listen to this --|and this is all I'm gonna say.
|Then it's the end of it.
Steve Sisco is with Rebecca|in her office right now.
Natalie: Really?|-- Yeah.
On a Saturday? -- What the hell does|everybody care that --|-- Dan.
I'm fine.
What do you think? -- About what?|-- About the banner.
I like it.
-- Do you?|-- It's a good banner.
You don't think|it's on the nose? -- "Welcome back"?|-- Yeah.
I think it's precise.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
-- Thank you.
|-- There's an economy|of language.
Oh,|and that's unusual for me, Iike I'm the one|who can't shut up? -- Dana|-- You're damn right there's|an economy of language.
I got the job done|in two words, and I think|I can make another cut, yes.
We don't need "back.
" We can cut the "back.
" -- Cut the "back"?|-- Yes.
-- And have it just say,|"Welcome"?|-- Yes.
-- "Welcome"?|-- Do you have a problem|with that? -- He'll think|he just cleared customs.
|-- He's got a point.
What if you add|an exclamation point? I'm going to get the cake.
-- Also it should be a little|higher on the right.
|-- Shut up! Dave: Two minutes to VTR.
|Three minutes live.
Kim: We're live|in three minutes.
-- Let me hear 'em --|Continental Arena.
|-- On one.
-- Thompson-Boling.
|-- Up on two.
-- Trans World Dome.
|-- They are coming.
-- America West.
|-- On four.
Dana, we're still waiting|for Trans World Dome, but|your team's on the field.
I think it's strange|that lsaac isn't here.
When was he supposed|to get in? Uh, he said he'd be here|well before the show started.
The show hasn't started yet.
Yeah, but he said|he'd be here well before|the show started.
It's now two minutes|before the show is starting.
-- Was he coming|from the airport?|-- Yeah.
Maybe he stopped off.
-- Where?|-- For a pretzel.
I'm serious.
|He was supposed to -- Well, he has been|in Europe for 2 weeks.
|He hasn't had a decent pretzel.
Maybe he stopped off, and that|was the cause for the delay.
And how long does it take|to buy a pretzel? Well, you've punctured|a hole in my theory.
-- Also Bobbi isn't here yet.
|-- She called from the car.
-- And?|-- Stopped off for a pretzel.
-- Jeremy.
|-- She's on her way in.
Dave: Roll VTR.
|45 seconds live.
This day has got|the earmarks, Casey.
Where's Rebecca?|I ask you that.
She was gonna come by|and hang out for a little bit, yet she's down in her office|hanging out with Steve Sisco.
But you're fine.
Rebecca isn't here.
|Isaac isn't here.
There's a strangeness|about this day.
Eli's coming.
Eli? From the Three Dog Night|song.
Yes? Eli is something bad,|a darkness.
"Eli's coming.
|Hide your heart, girl.
" Eli's an inveterate womanizer.
I think you're getting|the song wrong.
I know I'm getting|the song wrong, but when I first heard it,|that's what I thought it meant.
Things stick with you|that way.
In 32 Good afternoon.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Lions, Tigers, and Bearcats!|Oh, my! We've got expanded coverage of the NCAA men's|basketball tournament, A.
K.
A.
"March Madness.
" We'll be taking you to|Knoxville, East Rutherford,|and St.
Louis, where the Jayhawks|are about to tip-off, and we want to bring you|up to date on some developments|out in Phoenix.
So we're gonna take you|to the America West Arena|right after this.
You're watching a special|Saturday expanded edition|of "Sports Night" on CSC.
We're just getting started,|so stick around.
We're out.
Kim: Two minutes back.
They say it's always calmest|before the storm.
That's not true.
I'm a serious sailor.
It isn't calm before the storm.
|Stuff happens.
Look who's here.
Hi, Casey.
Hey, Bobbi.
Hello, Dan.
Eli's coming.
[ Sighs ] How are you doin'? I'm fine, Dan.
I'm doing fine.
Dave: In 32 Hello again.
We'll send you back to|Knoxville in just a moment, but first I'm joined by|CSC analyst Bobbi Bernstein.
Bobbi, is Virginia's first-half|press a surprise to anyone? Dan, the Cavs came out|on defense doing exactly|what they said they'd do, and that's contain|Martin McMurtry.
Let's go|to the first-half videotape,|where you could see What do you know? They said his plane landed|four hours ago.
And there's no answer|at the house? No.
Jeremy: Dana, no kidding.
Saturday night,|coming in from JFK, if he took the Triboro,|four hours wouldn't be a record.
Yeah, okay.
Elliott, call the airline.
|Call Heathrow.
-- See if he got|on the plane.
|-- Okay.
Bobbi:down by six|with McMurtry posting up, and the defense|just collapses on him.
That's what Virginia's|been doing all season, Dan, and that's what Georgia Tech|is gonna see all night long.
And how's Rebecca's ankle? I'm sorry.
RickO'Brien --|how's Rick O'Brien's ankle? X-rays are negative,|and O'Brien could see some|action in the second half.
Thanks very much.
Bobbi Bernstein will be with us|throughout the evening as we send you back|to Thompson-Boling Arena|in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Dave: We're out.
Sorry about that.
Don't worry about it.
It's hard not to notice you're|a little calmer than usual.
Look, Danny -- I know you're worried|I'm gonna go turbo on you.
It's really okay.
-- What's really okay?|-- lt.
-- lt?|-- Yes.
Bobbi, I don't think -- I don't know why you're|pretending you don't remember.
You're obviously|not addleminded.
[ Sighs ] Let's just forget it.
No, let's not forget it.
You know, I've done enough|rotten things to women I like.
There's no question|I'm going straight to hell.
I don't really need you|padding the ballot box.
-- Dan|-- The reason I never|called you after sleeping|with you in Spain is that I've never slept|with you in Spain.
And the reason I never slept|with you in Spain is that|I've never been to Spain.
And the next time|you bring this up, you better be on|with the photograph of me in a hotel room|with you in Spain.
That's me.
Yes.
Can you read|what it says on the towel? "Hotel de Espana"? Yes.
-- The Hotel de Espana|is in Spain?|-- Yes.
Can I have|that picture back now? Wait a second.
That's me.
|That's me in this picture -- but that's not you.
|-- Yes, it is.
-- No, it's not.
|I know this girl.
|-- Yeah.
-- Mnh-mnh.
|I know this girl.
|-- Yes.
Her name's Roberta.
Oh, holy cow.
Bobbi Bernstein.
|Nice to meet you.
Bobbi, this looks|nothing like you.
I-I -- Yeah.
I mean -- I turned into quite the babe,|didn't l? Look, I --|I mean, I -- -- Honestly, l|-- Yeah.
-- My ankle's fine.
|-- Hey! Put some ice on it,|shot me up with cortisone,|and I'm good to go.
This is Rebecca Wells.
|She works downstairs.
|Bobbi Bernstein.
-- Hi.
|-- Nice to meet you.
You have time for coffee? Nat, do I have|a little time? Natalie: 4 1/2 minutes.
I'm gonna look at tape.
Yeah.
-- Can I make you a sandwich?|-- No, thanks.
-- In fact, I really didn't|even want coffee.
|-- We have espresso|and cappuccino.
-- What I meant was --|-- And due to a budget surplus,|I can now offer you latte.
-- Dan|-- But it's gonna look|and taste an awful lot like|the espresso and cappuccino.
-- Danny.
|-- In there.
Was that weird for you? Seeing Steve Sisco|in your office? -- Yes.
|-- No.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
-- It wasn't?|-- No.
-- It wasn't weird for you?|-- No.
It was weird for me.
-- Don't you want to ask me|why he was there?|-- No.
-- Really?|-- It's none of my business.
-- It's a little|your business.
|-- We've been dating|for two weeks.
He was in my office|on a Saturday.
Why does everyone care|it's Saturday? Would it have been okay|if he'd been in your office|on a Tuesday? -- I mean|-- Would it? It's none of my business.
So you don't want to know|why he was in my office|on a Saturday? No.
Why was he in your office|on a Saturday? Danny, Steve and l|aren't divorced.
You're not? No.
You're married? We're separated.
I see.
-- Are you upset?|-- No.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
Eh, get away from me|with that thing, huh? Of course I'm upset.
What, are you nuts? Huh? Are you -- are you just some|nutty nut girl who's nuts? There's a difference between|divorced and separated.
One is divorced,|the other is separated.
That's why they have|those names.
I never imagined in a building|populated by me, you, Dana,|Casey, Jeremy, Natalie, Bobbi Bernstein would turn out|to be the sanest person here.
Separated means you're thinking|about getting divorced.
It also means you're thinking|about not getting divorced.
-- Are you finished?|-- No, I'm not finished.
Yes, I'm finished.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
If it's any consolation,|I never felt like I was lying.
I felt like I was|withholding the truth.
Yeah, that's a huge|consolation, Rebecca.
Kim: Dan, 60 seconds.
[ Sighs ] So, what was|he in your office for, huh? It was nothing, right?|He just stopped by? -- He wants to go|to counseling.
|-- Let me tell you something.
That guy could use|some counseling.
I mean he is --|among other things --|an inveterate womanizer, not unlike the title|character from the song|by Three Dog Night -- if you choose to|look at it that way,|which I don't.
I see it as a portent|of something dark, but that's not|what you meant by counseling.
No.
He wants to go|to couples counseling? Yes.
With you? Yes.
I gotta go back on the air.
-- Danny|-- Just a second.
I'll be right back.
[ Sighs ] -- We're in the studio in 20.
|-- Stand by, 14.
Stand by, F/X-A-1,|apple-1.
What's the rule on|when do you call the police? Well, at my house it was|15 minutes after school let out.
Dave: In 32 So much basketball,|so little time.
We're gonna bring you|some first-half highlights|of Memphis/Cincinnati before we toss you out|to the America West Arena, but, first, a paid|commercial announcement from one|of our many sponsors.
You're watching|a special expanded edition of "Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
-- We're out.
|-- Don't anybody go too far.
Hang on a second.
|I feel stupid.
I'll be right back.
-- I'm saying|five more minutes.
|-- Till what? -- Till I call the police.
|-- Okay.
-- Hey.
|Jeremy: Hey, Casey.
Hey, Jeremy.
[ Sighs ] Boy, it's been a long time since|I've been in here during a show.
I can't tell you|how much we've missed you.
Thank you.
So, what are you guys doing? Sometimes|it's a little hard to tell.
I think the show|is going well.
-- Do you?|-- Yes.
'Cause your approval|is important to me.
Dana, whatever we're|gonna do, can we not do it|in front of the help? I'll be right outside.
Dave: Three minutes back.
[ Telephones ringing ] What's the problem? -- Let me off the hook.
|-- For what? You know for what.
-- I don't.
|-- You do.
-- I really don't.
|-- You really do.
You dumped the show|off to Sally.
It was after 1 :00|in the morning.
That's right.
Fedrigotti took it|to a fifth set, Casey.
The match was never gonna end.
-- Plus Gordon was here.
|-- Yes.
-- And Gordon was mad.
|-- Yes.
So you dumped off the show.
I handed it off.
-- For Gordon.
|-- Yes.
-- And you want me|to let you off the hook?|-- Yes.
Well, later, when there's|time, I'll see if I can|let you off the hook.
Right now there's not time|to let you off the hook.
|Right now there's our show.
You'll let me know if|something more important|comes along, right? Yeah.
-- Casey|-- I'm there.
[ Telephones ringing ] What's going on? I want so badly|to rip his face off! In 10! Rebecca! Did you think I'd left? I was looking for you.
I wouldn't have.
Listen, there's something|I forgot to tell you before.
What? If you want to work|on repairing your marriage, I will, in whatever way|you want, support that.
Really? Yeah.
Really.
I think I'd rather not think|about it any more today.
That's okay, too.
Thanks.
He's such a bad guy,|Rebecca.
I'm sorry if that hurts you,|but I know these things.
I'm not that good myself.
Can I stay here|and watch you on TV? Yeah, sure.
he leads all scorers|with 31 points, besting his regular season|average by five.
Back to Larry and George.
We're out.
What's up? -- McMurtry -- 5 for 5|from the arc.
|-- He's looking good.
I got to get|my head in the game.
|I've been out of it all day.
-- Dan, it's you and me next,|right?|-- Yeah.
-- Want to go over|some stuff?|-- Yeah.
You want to take|a look at this? No, I better go talk to her.
I've got some|pretty compelling stats|from the Duke game, so if you ask me about|North Carolina's bench -- What a jerk I was.
Uh, to who? To you.
I should have called you.
If my not calling you made you feel like any less|than what you are, I'm sorry.
Thank you.
All right.
-- So, I'm gonna start you off|on the North Carolina bench?|-- Yeah.
Oh, like he's never made|his personal life a priority.
Well, I guess we won't|count the 10 years that|he was married to Lisa, and I had to stand around|and watch that.
-- And who the hell|is he to judge --|-- Dana -- No, l-I really|don't understand this.
|-- l-I know -- Who in the hell is he|to judge the quality of|my relationship with Gordon? Dana.
Oh, excellent.
'Cause I'm due|for another scolding.
Dana Isaac's at Columbia|Presbyterian.
He had a stroke.
[ Telephones ringing ] W-What? Isaac had a stroke|at the airport.
-- I don't know|any more than that.
|-- Oh, my God.
I have to go tell Danny.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
I need a drink of water.
-- Coaching vacancies would|be good for the seven block,|but I can tease it right now.
|-- Okay.
-- Dan|-- Yeah.
Isaac had a stroke.
# Eli's comin' # Is it bad? -- # Eli's comin' #|-- We'll go to the hospital|after the show.
Is it bad? Yeah.
Dave: In 10.
You okay? -- # Girl,|you'd better hide #|-- Yeah.
-- Danny?|-- Casey, I'm fine.
-- # Your heart #|-- In 32 Welcome back.
-- # Your lovin' heart #|-- If you're joining us|from East Rutherford, I'm joined once again|by CSC analyst Bobbi Bernstein.
-- # Eli's a-comin'|and the cards say #|-- Bobbi, let's talk about|the North Carolina bench.
-- # Oh, broken heart #|-- Nine players -- averaging|at least six points a game.
Larry Rambis,|back from the hamstring -- -- # Eli's comin'|hide your heart, girl #|-- Which gives the T ar Heels? -- # Eli's comin'|hide your heart, girl #|-- Another 7.
2 rebounds|per game -- # Girl, Eli's a-comin'|you'd better hide #|-- I think it's worth|mentioning they've got -- # Girl, Eli's a-comin'|you'd better hide #|-- four underclassmen|who are averaging -- # Girl, Eli's a-comin'|you'd better hide #|-- [ Conversation fades ] # Girl, Eli's comin'|hide your heart, girl # # Hide it # # You better,|better hide your heart # [ Rock music plays ]