Sports Night (1998) s01e23 Episode Script

What Kind of Day Has it Been

[ Up-tempo instrumental music|plays ] There's the formality.
Please stop moving.
Strange formality.
Why do you worry about it? 'Cause I'm his father.
You know what|he started doing? He started|shaking hands with me.
He's 9.
You'll see when he comes|by tomorrow.
He'll be like"Hi, Dad.
" -- What is that?|-- Leave him alone.
Kim: Five minutes to air.
First team in the studio,|please.
On the other hand,|he's started playing|baseball well.
Did I mention|yesterday's game? Yes, you did.
In fact, I believe|I know the stats.
Well, you don't think|that's impressive? I think|it's very impressive.
You bet your butt|that's impressive.
It is.
He started off slow, but it turns out|he's got some game.
He does.
You're done.
My boy can play ball.
I'd think about taking him|out of school.
See, you joke about this.
I'm not kidding.
There's nothing he can|learn in fourth grade that he can't pick up in a good|minor league farm system.
You should be his agent,|'cause that usually|works out well, too.
I'm just saying.
Wouldn't you think|she'd have come crawling|back to me by now? -- Rebecca?|-- Yes.
I would have thought so, but instead, she went crawling|back to her husband.
It's a world gone mad,|Casey.
Dan fixed it.
|Check your shot sheet.
Dan fixed 30.
|Show me Riverfront.
Stand by.
Three minutes to VTR,|four minutes live.
-- Riverfront's up.
|-- That's not Riverfront.
-- You're right.
|-- That's Three Rivers.
I know.
Riverfront's in Cincinnati.
I know where Riverfront is.
-- Three Rivers|is in Pittsburgh.
|-- Yes.
-- Pittsburgh is|in Pennsylvania.
|-- Thanks very much.
It works.
|My new camera works.
The Soshi/Suntac RTS-lll,|baby.
-- Riverfront's up.
|-- And it works.
Thank you.
|Show me Phoenix.
Well, I don't know if it works,|but it looks incredibly good.
-- What's the count back in?|-- 18 seconds.
Judy, that's 18 seconds|for 30 cold.
I'm going to take the|inaugural picture tomorrow --|the maiden photograph.
I'd like everyone|to bring nice clothes.
You're gonna take a picture|of our clothes? I think she meant she wanted us|to wear the clothes.
That's exactly what I meant.
|Spread the word.
Dave: Two minutes to VTR.
Three minutes live.
It's an 1 8-second|count-back.
From the Red Sox? Yeah.
And Dana wants to take|everyone's picture tomorrow.
Why? She bought a new camera.
I didn't know Dana|took pictures.
She doesn't.
|She doesn't know anything|about cameras.
But she felt the sudden|need to own one.
-- Is this part|of her psychotic episode?|-- Yes.
-- Well, then, sign me up.
|-- 18 back at 30.
You guys are all set.
|Have a good show.
Thank you, Alyson.
Alyson, did you know my son,|Charlie, went 3 for 3 yesterday, with 2 RBls, 2 walks,|and a stolen base? -- No.
That's great.
|-- He did.
I wasn't there to see it,|but that's a different thing, -- and I'm not gonna get|morose right now.
|-- Okay.
-- I'm not gonna lay|all that on you.
|-- Okay.
-- I'm not gonna get heavy|with you.
|-- Okay.
Even though I can see you're|feeling chatty right now.
-- Good show.
|-- Jeremy Seven pitches,|you believe that? Yes, I do.
Three batters,|seven pitches.
Dana: What do you got? Nothing.
Bottom of the order|went down in seven pitches.
Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever happened to the|ninth-inning rally, huh? Yeah, and why don't we use|semicolons anymore? This show needs|a ninth-inning rally.
I think, under the|circumstances, the|show is doing fine.
I think so, too.
Then why did you say we need|a ninth-inning rally? I wasn't speaking|metaphorically.
I meant the show could use|an actual ninth-inning rally.
The show hasn't even|started yet.
I'm not talking|about the show.
I'm saying, "Wouldn't|it be great if the show|we're about to do included|a ninth-inning rally?" And we're saying that|in order to have|a ninth-inning rally, the show would|have to necessarily begin|from a disadvantageous position, which neither one of us|thinks would be great.
I'm gonna start again because that's how completely|you've both missed the point.
Dave: Roll VTR.
|60 seconds live.
Will: Stand by.
Chris:|Loading 1, 2 and F/X-2.
Stepping out now.
|We're live in 60.
-- Elliott.
|-- What do you need? Wouldn't you think|that Rebecca would've come crawling back|to me by now? If you love something,|you gotta set it free, Dan.
-- That's good advice, dude,|thanks.
|-- 30 seconds.
Do me a favor, would you?|When he comes by tomorrow, make a big deal out|of the baseball thing.
I will.
And try not to traumatize|the new nanny.
Why would I traumatize|the new nanny? I don't know,|but you always do.
-- I like nannies.
|-- I know.
I'm thinking about|getting one for myself.
'Course she'd probably end up|going back to her ex-husband.
You'll make a big deal? I'll make a big deal.
-- He's shaking hands, Danny.
|-- Stop it.
Dave: In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories,|plus we'll show you what a long, strange trip|it's been for the grateful|Reds at Riverfront.
And we'll show you how|Geraldo Garcia can just keep on truckin'|at Three Rivers.
All that coming up|after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
We're out.
Kim: Two minutes back.
Listen to me.
|This isn't hard.
Forget we work|on a television show.
We're just sports fans,|and we work in a haberdashery.
A ninth-inning rally|would be a fun thing to see.
-- Ah, I understand.
|-- Yes.
-- Thank you.
|-- The haberdashery.
That was all|I was saying.
-- I was confused.
|-- Yes, I know.
But your haberdashery parable|cleared it up for me.
Picture time! -- Speaking of confused.
|-- Be nice.
Kim, let's get everybody.
Kim: Dan! Dana,|do you have the first idea how to operate|any of this equipment? This is called an|owner's manual, my friend, and I have read it|cover to cover.
I've read Doctor Zhivago|cover to cover.
It doesn't make me the czar.
We have a name|for people like you back home in Cedar Rapids.
It's called sourpuss.
We have a name for people like|you back home in Boston, too.
It's called --|Ow.
Dan -- Good,|get over here.
Dana, what the hell -- Do you love it? How much did you spend|on this? It's a little extravagant, but I think a hobby's|a good idea for me.
Annie Liebowitz|doesn't have -- -- I'm treating myself.
|-- Go to Vegas.
I don't like Vegas.
If you don't like Vegas,|then you're just crazy.
That's what I'm saying.
Dave, Chris, Will,|you guys are professionals.
You couldn't talk her|out of this? We're just happy|to be in the picture.
Where's Casey? Madison Square Garden.
What's he doing there? Interviewing Michelle Kwan.
That was supposed to be you.
Michelle Kwan|doesn't like me.
You're wrong.
She dissed me|at the Espys.
-- She did not.
|Dan, she did not|-- She dissed me.
I gave her a little|of this at the Espys, and she frosted me,|not unlike Rebecca.
We can't do the picture|without Casey.
I gotta go someplace|and weep.
Hang on, hang on.
|You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna do|a practice picture.
-- Dana|-- Yes.
Without Casey.
That way I can work out|any kinks, and he won't be|able to make any jokes.
-- He wouldn't make|any jokes.
|-- Yes, he would.
-- Dana|-- Gather up.
We better do what she says.
All right.
Now|just so you know -- what we're workin' with here|today is the Soshi/Suntac|RTS-lll with the built-in datapack|and a 70mm -- -- Dana.
|-- Okay, everybody hold still.
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna hear|three beeps --|beep, beep, beep -- followed by|a one-and-a-half-second pause, then a flash from my Exeter 220g|strobe with the 18-inch|parabolic reflector.
Ready? Could you tell us|again what the beeps|are gonna sound like? Hold still.
[ Beeps ] [ Sighs ] [ Beep, beep, beep ] [ Telephone ringing|in distance ] Don't be impatient now, 'cause a second and a half|is a lot longer than you think.
[ Ringing continues ] [ Camera shutter clicks ] Well, it's a little timing|problem.
I can fix that.
Also, the flash|didn't go off.
That's right.
[ Gasps ] Well, I don't see where Casey|could have gotten any material|here, Dana.
I don't think you have|anything to worry about.
I'm gonna iron out|these wrinkles, and we're gonna do this|again later.
We'll gather.
Dana, Gordon's on your line.
Hello? There are 28 teams|playing tonight.
What we want is for one of them|to be getting absolutely|humiliated in the late innings.
Why? -- 'Cause we're sports fans.
|-- In a haberdashery.
Wow, this is quite|a place, huh? Holly, do you know|what time it is? It's half past 4:00.
|We're fine.
'Cause it's just my mother|will be mad if I'm late.
We're fine.
Hey, Charlie, I heard a rumor|you were paying a visit.
Dana Whitaker.
Hi, I'm Holly.
|I'm the new nanny.
-- Deborah had to --|-- I heard.
Hey, listen, Charlie,|your dad should be here|any minute.
He had to go crosstown|to interview an ice skater.
Do you mind if we wait? No, of course not.
I'll just -- I have to be here|because I got a phone call.
Someone's meeting me here,|but I'll meet you -- I'll put you|in the conference room.
We shouldn't be late.
We're okay.
Jeremy, come here.
|Meet Charlie McCall.
Hey, nice to meet you.
|I'm Jeremy.
Jeremy, could you take|Holly and Charlie|to the conference room? -- Sure.
|-- I've gotta wait here.
-- Um, Holly?|-- Yeah? -- I think my mom --|-- We're meeting her soon.
Jeremy I've gotta wait here.
|I'll be right here.
Gordon! -- Dana?|-- I'm over here.
I'm sorry it took so long.
Something's|happening on Sixth Avenue.
I know.
|Casey isn't back yet either.
I was worried on the phone.
|It sounded important.
-- Yeah.
I-I wanted|to come over --|-- You want to sit down? I wanted to come over,|'cause I know we're supposed|to go to that thing tonight.
-- We're not going?|-- Listen I'm not saying we need to go,|I just thought it would be fun, 'cause we don't get to get|dressed up that much -- I need you to stop talking.
I wanted to come over -- [ Sighs ] What is it? Unless you're calling off|the engagement, I can't even imagine what it is|that has you so frazzled.
Why would you call off|the engagement? Because -- I'd prefer not to talk here.
-- Should we go someplace?|-- Yeah.
[ Telephone ringing ] Dana, how would you feel about moving the pre-fight|coverage to the 4-block? Kevin would need|to give us 15 back.
Man:|We're two minutes long.
We'll get it.
So Yeah.
What were we talking about? -- Dana|-- That was a joke.
-- Look|-- It was a joke.
I know.
I'm just saying|I think I'm funnier than you've given me credit|for being in the past.
Here's what I've been thinking|the past few days -- I'm just saying, if you're|calling off the engagement because you don't|think I'm funny enough -- Would you stop? You're angry right now?|You're mad at me? Dana, I am not gonna -- You spend six months|making me feel guilty|for liking my job, then propose to me,|then two days later, you tell me|you've slept with the woman|who wants my job.
I say, "Fine.
"|I say, "Fine.
" Then six days after that,|you tell me you want|to break off the engagement? Here's the thing --|I think only one of us|should be angry at a time, and I have a hunch|it's gonna be me.
I think you're hung up|on Casey.
-- That's what this is about?|-- That's what this is about.
-- I am not.
|-- You are.
|You don't cover it well.
This is a cheap excuse|to get out of marrying me, which you never wanted to|do in the third place.
And the only reason you proposed in the second place|was out of guilt for having slept with Sally|in the first place.
You say, "Fine"? I sleep with Sally and|you say, "Fine"? Casey sleeps with Sally,|you have a level-3|nervous breakdown.
You're calling off|the engagement because I wasn't mad enough when I found out|you were sleeping around? Let's do the whole thing|all over again, and this time, I'll just beat|the living crap out of you.
-- I'm leaving.
|-- Don't go.
Dana -- Don't go.
Oh, what the hell.
Maybe we can talk more|about this later.
[ Laughs ] Yeah, let's talk about this|as much as humanly possible.
This is yours.
-- Thanks.
|-- Gordon? Yeah.
I was a lot funnier|than you ever gave me credit|for being.
How's it going over there? I've got nine of them.
How many are there? You're almost halfway done.
Maybe it's okay if I leave|a note for my father.
You don't have to|leave a note.
We're gonna see him|in a minute.
-- Charlie|-- Hey, Dan.
What is up with you|not coming by to say hi? I was in here.
I can see that you're in here.
|Can you see that over there? That's my office.
I make it a six-and-a-half-|second walk from here.
What do you think? Sorry.
Yeah, sorry don't make|the buttercup shine.
|Who's your friend? Hi, I'm Holly.
|I'm the new nanny.
Deborah -- I lived through the trauma.
Listen, I need to speak|to Charles for a sec if you feel like|taking five.
What's a stolen base? I'm gonna pop|this tape in here.
It's the show your|father and I did|the night before last.
Ken Griffey Jr.
,|busting out of his slump|at the Kingdome by going 3 for 3|with 2 RBls, 2 walks,|and a stolen base, raising his season batting av-- What's going on? What do you mean? I know there's nothing wrong|with padding your stats over pizza after the game, but I'm a little concerned|you feel you need|to lie to your dad.
I can't play very well.
Most people|can't play very well.
I can't play at all.
Charlie, listen --|[ Knock on door ] Hey, hey, big man,|I'm sorry I'm late.
Hi, Dad.
Charlie, are you selling me|an insurance policy? Casey, can I speak to you|for a second about Cleveland? Well, I just got here.
Just one second,|then he's all yours.
[ Sighs ]|I'll be right back.
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
-- How'd the interview go?|-- Fine.
Say, listen,|I think I know why Charlie's behaving|a little strange.
-- Really?|-- Yeah, it's 'cause|you're a jackass.
What are you -- Casey, he can't play.
You've seen him play.
|You know he can't play.
What made you think|all of a sudden -- Wait.
He lied to me? Yeah, and you know what else? It's actually the first time|in history that a son has lied|to his father, so I would definitely|go off the deep end.
Charlie! -- Casey.
|-- What? He's such a good little guy.
Dad, I shouldn't be late|for meeting Mom at the -- Your mom can deal with it,|and if she can't,|she can learn how.
Come with me, please.
[ Telephones ringing ] [ lndistinct voices ] [ Sighs ] You know I don't like lying.
There's no need|for it, Charlie.
Did you really think|I was gonna be mad at you because you didn't play well|in a baseball game? I'm sorry.
I got to find this out|from Dan? I also think you're old enough|to have something more than|"I'm sorry.
" But I can't play.
And I lied 'cause I didn't|want to embarrass you.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
That was really hard for you|to say, wasn't it? You were scared during that? Yeah.
Well, it didn't show.
|You were really calm and honest.
But I knew you|were scared anyway,|'cause I'm your father.
You were worried|you might embarrass me.
There should be no doubt|in anyone's mind|that you're my son.
And you can't even blame me, 'cause Grandpa started it.
And I have a hunch his dad|was no picnic, either.
So, Charlie, I am nipping this|in the bud right now.
Pay close attention -- in your lifetime,|you will never embarrass me.
It's not gonna happen.
You play baseball|if you want to|play baseball.
And the only thing|you have to do to make me|and your mom happy is come home|at the end of the day.
In your lifetime,|you'll never embarrass me.
You know why? 'Cause I'm your father.
|Who'd you think I was? [ Knock on door ] Casey, we gotta meet Lisa.
[ Sighs ]|Then be gone with you both.
Bye, Dad.
[ Sighs deeply ] [ Horn honking ] [ lndistinct voices ] -- We're in business.
|-- What business? We're in the comeback|business.
You told me we sold men's|accessories.
Try and be with me on this,|would you? Listen to me.
|Everybody, stop your work.
A writer once wrote, "As if it matters|how a man falls down.
When the fall is all that's|left, it matters very much.
" What did he mean by that? He meant do not abandon|blow-outs.
Watching proud|and accomplished athletes battle in the face of odds|that are virtually hopeless is one of the more stirring|sights in all of sports.
The Phillies have been down|14 to 1 since the third inning, and I think it's the best|game we've got.
That is all.
-- Picture time.
Let's go.
|-- Excellent.
Natalie, gather everybody up|and tell 'em it's picture time.
Hey, maybe you could start|by just drawing a picture,|that way -- Ow, ow, ow.
-- Hey.
Picture time.
|-- Hey.
What happened to your ring? -- What do you mean?|-- What happened to your ring? -- My engagement ring?|-- Yeah.
It's being cleaned.
|It's at the ring cleaners.
I didn't know they had|special places for that.
Charlie looked good.
-- Didn't he?|-- Yeah.
I don't understand.
|You leave the ring|there overnight? Yeah.
Well, how does a ring cleaner|carry the kind of insurance|premiums to cover -- Don't worry about it.
It's picture time.
|It's picture time.
I've fixed the glitch.
|We're good to go.
We're ready to roll.
|Let's make some magic.
I've forgotten --|do the three beeps come before or after|the strobe blows up? Hold still.
Hold these positions.
Here we go.
Whoo! Whooooo! [ Telephones ringing ] [ Beep, beep, beep ] All right.
Everybody just stay where|you are.
This is nothing.
This is|a small timing problem.
[ Gasps ] [ Laughter ] Casey, if you even say|one word -- At least the strobe|didn't explode.
[ Explosion ]|Aaahhh! All right, that's it.
That is absolutely it! Hey, where's your ring? It's at the cleaners.
It's not at the cleaners,|you idiot! There's no such thing|as an overnight ring cleaners! Gordon and I broke up, which is just|the most recent in a series|of recent humiliations! And I'm okay with it!|I can take it! But this|is really the living end.
I have seen enough to know|that I have seen enough, and now I want something good|to happen! I want something good to happen|before the day is over, -- and I'll be the judge|of what's good!|-- Dana One good thing|before the day is over,|I swear that's all I want! Isaac: Hey, lady.
Are you thinking about getting|my show on the air anytime soon? Isaac.
[ Cheers and applause ] When did you get out|of the hospital? -- This morning.
|-- Man: First team|in the studio, please.
[ Shouting ] lsaac! Would you like to watch|the show from your office?! -- Why is she shouting at me?|-- Hang on.
Before anybody goes anywhere,|I'm gonna give it one more try.
Dana -- -- What the hell is all this?|-- I'm taking a picture, and you're gonna be in it.
|I need a minute.
Five minutes to air.
I just need one minute.
|I know I can get this to work.
Here it is.
Here it is.
|Last batter.
Chris, Will,|can you get me sound on 40? -- 40?|-- Yeah.
-- You know, lsaac|-- Yeah? Casey and I were talking|before and, well What? We think you're a bit|of a cheese danish.
A strawberry parfait, lsaac.
I had a stroke.
Out six weeks on the D.
|with a stroke? I've seen gored matadors|get up off the floor|faster than you.
You're a bit|of a crumbcake there, aren't you, pal? Let me look at you both.
You look good, boys.
So do you, sir.
Dana, three minutes.
I'm almost there.
[ Camera shutter clicks ] So, what's the problem? Well, Casey,|it's pretty complicated.
This is a sophisticated|instrument.
It's not any one thing, and it would be difficult|to explain to someone who didn't have at least|an intermediate background|in photography.
But by and large,|it's that I put the film|in backwards.
-- [ Laughing ]|-- What? Nothing.
|I just think you're funny.
Man on TV:|As Donovan fouls off a slider down the left-field line.
You know, Ben Leeder's been Dana, we've really|gotta move it.
-- Okay.
|-- Before we do this, can I call my broker real quick and tell him to buy|some Eastman Kodak? Get in your places.
Here we go.
and Leeder winds up.
[ Beep, beep, beep ]|The 0-2 pitch to Donovan|[ Bat strikes ball ] Hey.
[ Camera shutter clicks ] Casey: Good evening.
|Dan: Good evening.
From New York City,|I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
-- Those stories|-- Those stories Those stories and more, plus we'll take you|live to the locker room|at Arrowhead -- -- Tulane|-- Talladega -- Play of the year|-- Battle Creek Invitational We'll take you|out to Pauley Pavilion.
That was the voice|of Desmond Corey.
-- Jason Grisham|-- Marcus Ryan Leonard Mooker of Newton,|Massachusetts Kim Galey can't stop|breaking records.
Ntozake Nelson's|got something to say|about a world record.
Thank you Kelly Kirkpatrick|in Green Bay.
All that coming up|after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
[ Rock music plays ]