Sports Night (1998) s02e04 Episode Script

Louise Revisited

[ Telephones ringing ] Hey.
Hey.
Good mornin'.
Good mornin'.
You know what this week's|lnternet-poll question is? "Who's cooler --|Dan or Casey?" That's right.
Can you believe it? We're journalists.
What are you gonna do? -- You know how many people|have voted?|-- Nope.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
You know who's winning? Well, I'm assuming you are.
No.
I am? Yes.
How 'bout that? Yeah.
Hey, let's talk about|Notre Dame.
I feel -- I'm sorry? You're winning153 to 6.
[ Tapping ] Wow.
Yeah.
That's quite|a landslide so far.
-- Yeah.
|-- You wouldn't think there'd be this kind of|grass-roots groundswell so early on, but I've always|been able to count on a very rabid|and loyal fan base.
How are you rigging it? -- Danny|-- Did you stay up all night|voting for yourself? Yeah, like I don't have|anything better to do than beat your ass|in an lnternet poll.
Here's the thing|about you -- it's not that you want|to win so bad.
It's that you won't admit|you want to win.
Danny if you'd like,|I'll withdraw my name|from the competition.
-- No, no, no.
|-- You sure? I have plenty of fans.
-- At least half a dozen.
|-- [ Laughs ] I'm gonna work now.
As will l.
-- Hey, Casey.
|-- Walk with me.
Walk with you? -- Walk with me.
|-- Okay.
-- Casually|-- Casually.
So it doesn't look like|we're up to something.
-- What are we up to?|-- Nothing.
What kind of|a compromising situation -- are you about to ask me?|-- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Can you rig my computer|so it does nothing but vote? -- On the lnternet?|-- I was up all night voting.
At first I kept returning|to the home page|and going back.
Then I figured out|I could hold down|the return key and hit F12 for refresh,|but even that was|taking too long.
What kind of results|are you looking for? [ Exhales deeply ]|I want to bury him.
-- You know it's unethical,|-- Yes.
and there are probably|FCC regulations governing -- -- I mean, we announce these|idiot polls on the air.
|-- Yes.
-- I'm saying I could|get in trouble.
|-- [ Sighs ] Jeremy|your first week here, Dan Krazy-glued all your|things to your desk.
-- Yes.
|-- He made you go look|for the ignition keys|to the cameras.
Mm-hmm.
Well, this is what|men do, Jeremy.
All right, I'll tell you|what's gonna happen.
We're gonna telnet into|the network mainframe and FTP a perl script|right through a DK trapdoor into the CGl server.
I like the sound of that.
|What's it gonna do for me? -- It's gonna vote for you.
|-- How many times? How often? You are a magnificent|young man.
Ignition keys to the cameras? We'll see who has|the last laugh.
Attaboy.
I need a soda.
Go get 'em.
-- Hello!|-- Aah! -- Did I scare you?|-- No.
-- Why did you yell?|-- I meant to say "Hi.
" -- What happened?|-- I misspoke.
Why are you reading|my mail? Since when have you been|corresponding with my sister? Since when have you|been stealing my mail? -- Noon rundown.
|-- Thank you.
-- It bothers you that|I write to Louise?|-- Not at all.
Then why are you|reading my mail? I'd like to talk|about it right now, but as you can see,|there are people around -- Jeremy's reading my mail! Thank you.
[ Telephones ringing ] -- What's up, Jeremy?|-- Good numbers on Texas Tech.
-- Thank you.
|-- Plus he's been|reading my mail.
Thank you.
Casey got another|150,000 votes overnight|on the lnternet poll.
It's true.
Am I the only one|who thinks this is strange? I think you're|the only one who cares.
That's a Rose Bowl and a half|full of people.
-- Before I forget, we're doing|the 8:00 rundown at 7:30.
|-- 7:30? Yes, I have a dinner|engagement at 8:00, and so we'll do|the 8:00 rundown at 7:30.
-- Should we call it the|7:30 rundown -- I mean,|on the paperwork?|-- Elliott On the paperwork, you should|call it the 8:00 rundown.
All that's happening is|we're doing it at 7:30.
Jeremy: Like the|Saturday Evening Post, -- Yes.
Thank you.
|-- which for a time|came out on Sundays.
Jeremy's been|stealing my mail.
-- Thank you.
|-- Dana|-- Dan? What time do you suppose|the 10:00 rundown|meeting will be? Dinner engagement? -- Something we can|talk about later.
|-- Okey-doke.
Here we go.
Elliott: Word is|San Diego and Seattle are ready to make a deal,|but Green Bay's balking.
Dan: My guy says|no way Green Bay's|letting anyone go.
Jeremy: There are two features|coming out on him in|the next six weeks, and he just|signed his third|endorsement deal.
And he's not just|a good hockey player.
He's one of the best|in the league.
With 34 goals and|41 assists, I say|his time has come.
Excuse me, Jeremy.
|Sam? Yes? Is our meeting|disturbing you? I'm sorry? I was wondering if our|meeting was disturbing you.
A little bit, but I've|been through worse.
It's interesting you can|make that determination, seeing as how you've|been paying no attention|whatsoever.
How is it you can do that? Well, I'm just|that good, I suppose.
-- Look|-- Lead with the Packers, move the Chargers and|the Seahawks to the tease, get B-roll on the Patriots.
We can do better than|LeFlourier in "ln Focus.
" The 8:00 rundown is at 7:30,|and if Dan mentions the Internet poll|one more time, I'm gonna cram|a motherboard up his butt.
Did I catch the "gist"|of the meeting? Pretty much, yep.
Anything else? No.
Okay.
Cut footage for the 40s|to Natalie by 6:00.
Back in two hours.
Think I could take him? No.
Really? Yeah.
I think I could take him.
Out to lunch, maybe.
Dana -- See, you think he's|not paying attention,|but he really is.
|-- Yes.
-- That's how he gets you --|the old switcheroo.
|-- Yes.
-- Uh, dinner engagement?|-- A guy from high school I haven't seen in|a long time.
-- High-school flame?|-- [ Laughs ] Casey I don't think people are|saying "flame" anymore.
-- Boyfriend?|-- That's fine.
I'm saying,|was he your boyfriend? He was a guy|from my Spanish club.
-- Oh, what's his name?|-- You're not gonna believe it.
-- Well, try me.
|-- Cab Calloway.
-- The band leader?|-- No.
-- A different one?|-- Yes.
A different guy|named Cab Calloway is who you're|going out with tonight? -- Having dinner with.
|-- Cab Calloway.
Let me tell you something --|we had a hell of a time|finding him a Spanish name.
Yeah, I would imagine.
[ Exhales deeply ]|And? And what? -- What about you?|-- What about me? Are you ever|gonna ask anyone out? Oh, I've got a call|in to Lena Horne.
Casey, the plan|was six months.
It's been two weeks, and|you still haven't gone out|on a single date.
Well, I didn't realize|during the six months that you were gonna be|dating other people, too.
I'm not dating other people.
Yeah? What about|Mr.
Cotton Club? [ Laughs ] Don't you|want to know what his|Spanish name was? No.
Guillermo.
Thank you.
I gotta go.
[ Exhales deeply ] [ Knock on door ]|How you doin'? We're up 4/10 to 7/10|in all the key demos -- adult males 18 to 49.
I was just|shooting the breeze.
-- Ah.
|-- Are you having|any fun, Sam? -- Am I having fun?|-- I don't think you are.
You do your job good,|there's no doubt about it.
People here respect|you, but you don't seem|to be making an effort to have any fun.
-- Ah.
|-- We're fun people -- Dana, Natalie, Jeremy.
I'm nothing but fun.
[ Chuckles ]|For instance, I could say something funny|and make you laugh.
-- Yes?|-- Or it wouldn't even|have to be funny.
It could be serious|or personal.
See what I'm saying? I've noticed you people|have an ability to chatter at someone|with energy and enthusiasm, regardless of whether they|appear interested or not.
And that's not|just on camera.
Dan, I've done quite|a number of these jobs.
And there's a preconception|when I show up that I'm going to be|an obnoxious, sniveling|Philistine or a suit|or someone's cousin.
That's what you|thought when you heard|I was coming, right? Yes.
But I -- But this isn't TV camp.
I come in, I do my job.
I do it better than|anybody else, and I get out.
I stopped trying to make|friends a long time ago.
-- Well, I think that's sad.
|-- And I think that's tough.
Hey, look, I may|have prejudged you, and that was wrong,|and I hear that, but at least|I turned around, man.
You're, like,|staying where you are.
I'm saying we think|you're a good guy.
We like you.
We think you'd like us|if you got to know us.
But if you want|to do your thing and live in a cave, that's cool, too.
I won't bother you anymore.
At least, I won't bother|you anymore tonight.
Tomorrow, who knows? Who knows? See you later.
Okay.
-- You're back.
|-- Hi.
-- How was dinner?|-- Good.
-- How was Cab Calloway?|-- He was good.
# Hi-de, hi-de, hi-de ho # -- He gets that a lot.
|-- I would think.
-- Can I talk to you|a second?|-- Sure.
Something interesting|happened at dinner tonight.
What? I took off my panties.
-- Really?|-- Yes.
-- You took off your|panties at dinner?|-- Yes.
-- At the table?|-- Under the table.
-- Could people see you?|-- Not unless they were|under the table.
Okay.
-- No, those were all|good questions.
|-- Here's another one.
Why did I take|my underwear off? Yes.
-- Perfectly fair.
|-- Yes.
-- Was your underwear|making you uncomfortable?|-- No.
Sometimes when I wear|cotton briefs -- No, these were silk.
|They were fine.
Dana The thing is I'm not exactly sure why.
I think it had something|to do with Sam Donovan and not having the kind|of control over the show|I'm used to.
I think it had something|to do with Cab Calloway being a staggeringly|boring dinner companion.
But mostly I'd heard about|other people doing it.
-- What other people?|-- Other people --|in magazines.
-- What magazines?|-- Good magazines,|and at the movies.
What movies? Movies.
They do it -- at restaurants,|in limousines.
-- Which restaurants?|-- Don't ask what restaurants|and limousines.
Just they do, okay? -- Sure.
|-- Anyway -- [ Knock on door ]|Yeah? -- You want to see|the animation in the 50s?|-- [ Gasps ] Yeah.
-- Wait!|-- I gotta go.
-- That's it?|-- Yeah.
No big deal, right? Ooh! How was dinner? -- Hello.
|-- Hi.
How you doin'? -- Fine.
|-- Good.
How was dinner? Good.
# Hi-de, hi-de, hi-de ho # Yeah, I bet he doesn't|get that a lot.
Hey, I ran your dating plan|by Sam Donovan, and he thinks you're insane.
He had a conversation|with you? Uh, no, but I could tell|from his demeanor.
I'm gonna look at graphics.
[ Telephone ringing ] Hey, did you catch the stats -- in the Philadelphia/|Anaheim game?|-- Can you believe it? -- 179 penalty minutes.
|-- In a 60-minute game.
-- That's crazy.
|-- Not as crazy|as Dana coming back from|dinner without her panties.
What? Hmm? -- What'd you say?|-- When? -- Just then.
|-- Nothing.
-- Dana came back from dinner|without her panties?|-- No.
-- Why'd you say she did?|-- It's just an expression.
You said it's not as crazy|as Dana coming back from|dinner without her panties.
-- Well, technically,|it's not, Casey.
|-- [ Exhales sharply ] -- I'm just gonna let this one|roll right over me.
|-- I think that's a good plan.
-- Let it roll right over me.
|-- Yes.
Plus there's a lot|going on, I have|a show in an hour, and I'm supposed to be|dating other women|for six months.
And Dana came back|without her panties, and that's the part|I'm gonna let roll|right over me.
-- It's for the best.
|-- Okay, then.
-- Go write your show!|-- Will do.
Dan: If you're|from Cleveland, you may want to|turn down the volume on|your set for a moment.
Coach Hindle threw gasoline on his simmering|quarterback controversy|today in College Station when he sang the praises|of his sophomore sensation|after practice.
The coach refused|to name a starter -- for Saturday's nationally|televised game|-- New cut sheet, kids.
Preview camera 2.
Make 23 an over-the-shoulder.
I want to hear sound|in the 60 block.
-- Will?|-- Got it.
Stand by, 23.
Standing by.
-- Here you go, boys.
|-- Thank you.
Dan: The win was|third in a row for|the Philadelphia Flyers, who gave the Mighty Ducks|plenty to cry about with -- count 'em --|1 79 penalty minutes.
In the meantime,|for more on the Flyers|and the Ducks, -- we take you to|Jack Jankowicz in Anaheim.
|-- It's Connie.
Forgive me --|Connie Morton in|Anaheim.
Connie.
-- We're out.
|-- 5:40 back.
Dan, Casey, that's|5 minutes and 40 seconds, not 5 minutes and 50 seconds, not 5 minutes and 41 seconds, -- but rather --|-- 5 minutes and 40 seconds.
-- Yeah.
|-- Cracked your code.
Can I tell you what bugs me? It's not that I won,|it's that I won't admit|I wanted to win? That's right.
I really can't|take it anymore.
Oh, please,|I've seen you be so much more annoying|than I'm being right now.
-- I'm not talking about you.
|I'm talking about her.
|-- Dana? Yes, I can't take it.
-- What happened?|-- I can't tell you.
Okay.
But suffice it to say|it has something to do|with underwear.
-- But you can't tell me|what it is?|-- No.
Does it have anything|to do with you being a conniving, scheming, stop-at-nothing,|claw-your-way-to-the-top, cheats-at-solitaire,|you know, guy? -- What?|-- I think you know what -- I have a real thing here.
-- So do l.
|-- And I honestly|can't take it.
There are rules|prohibiting cheating.
You know what they're called? -- They're called rules.
|-- They're called rules.
I'm going in there.
-- Go in there.
|-- Nope.
That'd be bad.
Whatever.
-- You're really gonna do it?|-- Yes.
-- You're gonna write another|letter to my sister.
|-- Yes.
I have absolutely|no problem with that.
-- I'm glad, sweetie.
|-- No problem,|no way, no how.
-- Good.
|-- Crossing that sacred|territory into family members.
-- I cross it with gusto.
|-- Cross away, for I have|no problem with this, as you are my girlfriend,|and she is my sister.
Then why are you talking|like Theodoric of York? That's a perfectly|fair question.
-- Jeremy|-- Yes? -- Move.
|-- What? Move.
I need to talk|to Natalie.
-- Why can't you talk to|Natalie --|-- I need to|talk to her privately.
Ah.
No problem.
I'll just stand over|there for 5 minutes|and 40 seconds and think about|what my life was like|before I met any of you.
-- Okay.
|-- Thanks, honey.
Does Casey know? No.
-- You sure?|-- Yes.
He's been acting|strange during the show.
-- He doesn't know.
|-- He's been acting|like he knows.
He doesn't.
Okay.
-- Dana?|-- Yeah? -- Casey knows.
|I accidentally told him.
|-- Oh, Natalie Don't tell me you|weren't doing something.
[ Laughs ]|2.
5 million people voted.
That's more than in most|statewide elections.
You know how many people|voted for me, huh? So don't think I'm paranoid for thinking something|fishy might be up.
I have to go ask her.
Tell me for real.
Is this 'cause|I Krazy-glued Jeremy's|stuff to his desk? -- [ Sighs ] I'm gonna|go in and ask her.
|Dave: 3 1/2 minutes back.
-- Dana?|Dana: Yes? You and I are about to have|an abrupt conversation.
-- Dave?|-- 3 1/2 minutes.
We can't have an|abrupt conversation|right now, Casey, 'cause we're back|in 3 1/2 minutes.
Well, I'm not back|in 3 1/2 minutes unless I get some|answers, so let's go.
Natalie, remind me to give you|a beating in the morning.
I'll do it.
[ Telephones ringing ] It's easy to explain.
-- Really?|-- Actually, it's hard|to explain.
-- You think?|-- So maybe when I have|more than 3 1/2 minutes -- I have all the time|in the world.
-- Casey|-- I mean it, Dana.
Okay.
All right, I'll try|and do this as best -- and as fast as I can.
|-- I'm listening.
Dinner was incredibly boring.
I shifted in my seat.
|My panties moved.
I was amused by that.
I tried shifting|the other side, it worked.
And then it became a thing,|like can I make it home|without hitting any red lights, or can I say all the|state capitals before|the plane takes off? And then|[ Snaps fingers ]|there they were.
-- Your panties?|-- Yes.
Why didn't you|put them back on? -- At the restaurant?|-- Yeah.
I snuck them back in|my purse, and that's|when I got to thinking.
What? This is the part you're|not gonna understand.
This is the part I'm|not gonna understand? I've always taken|people's word for it that certain things|weredirty and certain things weren't.
I have always taken|people's word for it.
And I'm a grown woman,|and at some point, you want to decide|for yourself, is the world gonna fall down|if I do this? Or if maybe everyone should|mind their own business.
Let me tell you|something, Casey.
|The world didn't fall down.
In fact, truth be told,|I liked it.
-- Dana|-- And that's all|I'm gonna say about it.
-- Dana|-- So think what you|will, but that's all|I'm gonna say about it.
-- Stop talking.
|-- Okay.
Do you think I think you taking your panties|off is a bad idea? -- Yeah, but --|-- I support the idea.
I'm in favor of it,|believe me.
Casey I am the president of|"Dana should get undressed.
" -- Thank you.
|-- I don't think you should|do it in a restaurant -- But w-what|am I talking about? Go ahead, do it|in a restaurant.
I'm just saying I wish|you were doing it with me instead of Guillermo|from your Spanish club.
I-I wish I didn't have|to wait through this heart-stoppingly|frustrating 6-month|waiting period before I even get to smell|what perfume you'd wear|on our first date.
[ Breathes deeply ] I wish it was me you were|having dinner with tonight.
That's all.
[ Breathes deeply ] Let's go back inside.
-- Really?|-- Yeah.
You really understand? Yeah, of course|I understand.
[ Knocks on glass ] Come with me.
Uh, we've only got|90 seconds.
Well, I guess the only|thing for me to do is|write a letter of my own.
-- To your sister?|-- To your father.
-- Jeremy|-- I've decided to become|buddies with your father.
That's not funny.
Where's Casey? Someplace with Dana.
How's that lnternet poll|going, Dan? Don't think I'm not|on to you, my friend.
I spent seven hours|looking for the ignition keys.
-- Jeremy|-- Today, I take care|of all family business.
Jeremy Dear Hank Dave: 60 seconds back.
Look in your top drawer.
-- Is there an animal|in there?|-- Why would there be|an animal in there? 'Cause last time, there|was an animal in there.
Look in your top drawer.
So you have something|to look forward to.
[ Closes drawer ] Get on the air.
I'll keep these,|if you don't mind.
I don't mind a bit.
Sam, everything's cool.
I've got her|panties right here|in my side pocket.
-- [ Snaps fingers ]|-- Okay.
# I might be old but # -- # I'm someone new, she said #|-- Hi, Dana.
|-- And as for you, you see,|you don't control my world.
-- # I'm so sore #|-- I happen to not be wearing|any panties right now.
-- # That I could cry #|-- And if you had a thousand|guesses, you couldn't|tell me where they were.
-- # Always #|-- Casey's side pocket.
# In the night lay # -- # Your tired arms #|-- Damn it.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
# And she will have her way # # Somehow I will still|believe her # Dave: Stand by, 1-4-4.
|Chris: Standing.
# She's the life|I've been frightened of # # Seems like deathly silence|and especially the dark # -- # Feels like #|Dave: In 10.
# I am heavy|and my spirit has died # -- # She will have her way #|-- In 32 -- # Somehow I will #|-- [ Laughs ]|-- Thank you, Connie Morton, -- # Still believe her #|-- in Anaheim|with NHL Center lce.
Don't forget tomorrow night|is double-header night.
At 7:30, the Rangers|take on the Bruins|at the Garden, -- # She will have her way,|one day I will #|-- And at 10:30, San Jose|travels to Edmonton.
-- # Come back #|-- All the action|right here on CSC.
Casey and I are just|getting warmed up here|in Rockefeller Center, so we'll have one more|round if you'll have|one more round.
-- # Un-doo un-doo doo #|-- You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so come on back.
-- # Un-doo un-doo doo #|Dave: We're out.
# Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # On the next "Sports Night" Abby Jacobs,|and this is my card.
-- So she's a shrink.
|-- Really? Excuse me.
Are we on|a date right now, or are we having a session? -- Which did you want it to be?|-- A date.
Tomorrow night at 6:00,|I'll recalibrate the computers to believe that|it is January 1, 2000, and you'll see that|we're Y2K-compatible and that I am facing|the future as the|servant of no master.
Huh.
Jeremy's got it just about|fixed, so it'll just be --