Spun Out (2014) s02e06 Episode Script

All right, here's the place.
- Sorry it's a bit of a mess.
- What a night! Oh, you don't need to take your shoes off.
We're not fancy here.
I want to take my shoes off.
By all means, take them off! Throw them on the ground! - In the trash if you like! - Ooh, you just got a whole lot taller.
Technically you just got a whole lot shorter.
Technically, I should stop saying words like "technically".
- Ha! - What can I get you to drink? We have vodka, I got wine, I got a couple of beers - I'm not thirsty.
- Oh! Maybe just an ice water for the back of my neck! - You are pretty hot.
- So that's where this is going.
You see, I knew that because I am a cool guy - who picks up on cues.
- Shut up and just kiss me already! Come on! Fill the lens With all your friends Oh Now is forever Come on! Fill the lens With all your friends (huge sigh) Holy moly.
(huge sigh) Agreed! You know, I got to admit, Andrea, when my boss told me we were repping a documentary filmmaker, - I pictured Michael Moore! - Listen, we need to talk.
Wow! One bad joke and it's all over? No! So, I'm right in the middle of editing footage of military drones.
I know it sounds super cool and bad ass.
So I don't have time for anything serious.
- Hope you understand? - 'Course! To be clear we still get to have sex? - That answer your question? - As a matter of fact, it does! Um, I have a follow up to that! (long satisfied sigh) 'Morning, Nelson! How is my best bud in the entire world on this fantastic day? Aah! You got some last night! What? No! Why would you jump to THAT conclusion out loud? My room is next to yours and uh, the walls are so thin that not only can I hear you, - I can see you.
- Ah! So, do I hear wedding bells? Pff! Please, it's only been a day.
Yeah, but it's you! I mean a girl can smile at you on the bus and you start saving two months' salary.
Well, Andrea and I have decided we're just going to keep it casual.
Nothing serious.
(laughing): OK! Good luck with that! - What's so funny? - Because it's you! You can't do casual.
You need, like, depth and satisfying conversation.
Please.
I'm Beckett Ryan.
I can do both.
I can set up a booty call with Andrea for later tonight and I can find satisfying conversation - with somebody else right now! - Can you? - All right, maybe not you! - (Ding!) Watch this.
'Morning, Dave! - How are you today? - Very busy.
- Ah! No time to talk? - No! OK, good talk! Ah! Bryce, my man, you know, - I don't think we talk enough.
- Oh, I think we talk just the right amount.
Hey, Gordo! What's new? I lost a fight with my toaster this morning.
- Walking away.
- But I want to talk about it! - No! Ah, hi, Stephanie! - Hi! What you got there? Everything bagel? Yeah Is it really "everything" bagel if it's just poppy seeds and a mish-mash of crumbs on top? That's a good point! They should call it: - a "few things" bagel.
- Yeah! I mean, poppy seeds and crumbs are everything, - then stop the world, I want to get off.
- I'll get you off! - Oh! Ha ha ha! - The world! Ah! Thank you, Stephanie, it was a very satisfying talk.
- Still not going to work.
- We'll see.
Nelson, look what I got! - Is it cookies? - Better! It is the monthly trend report.
Ho ho! Sorry, cookies, this IS better! All right, Nelson, are you ready to predict the list? You know it! Here we go, girl! Ah, OK, so, um, Capes and cloaks are in.
Wool sweaters, also in.
Town cryering, out.
- And, uh, monocles, super out.
- Mm-hm! - You're missing one! - No, I'm not! - Somebody's off his game! - What!? What the hell is it? What trend could I possibly have missed? - (together): Axe-throwing! - Axe-throwing? - Mm-hm! - That sounds made up.
Damn, Nelson, everybody axe-throws.
Gordon's in a league! Axes, they're not just for creepy murderers! OK, so, wait a minute, not only did I not know about this trend of axe-throwing, but Gordon knows about it before I do? So embarrassing! So, how's our new 'Questions and Comments' box doing? It's great! I ignore it and nobody gets hurt.
Now, Abby, I've set up that box so that you could ensure - customer satisfaction.
- What about MY satisfaction? Manion's isn't responsible for YOUR satisfaction.
I'll leave that to the next poor, besotted soul entrapped by your feminine wiles.
I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear it over the sound of your shirt.
As General Manager of Manion's, I expect you to respect my wishes and address all questions and comments.
(Lets out long breath.
) Ah! "Why doesn't Manion's offer vegan options?" Oh, it does! It's called: leaving! "Why is it always so bright in here?" Because we want you guys to stop making mistakes! Yeah! "When is last call?" Ho ho ho! When I put you in a cab, Gary! I got me a bagel with some sesames Toasted it perfectly like I please - A bagel, bagel, bagel - Hey! - There's my sexy skyscraper.
- Andrea! I just had a meeting with someone who smuggled drones - into the middle east.
- Oh, did he go on, and on? - Like, did he drone on and on? - Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Ah! Um, what are you doing here? You asked to meet me about my body It was an awkwardly worded text, but, uh, message received.
Oh, uh, wow! Um, - that was meant for later.
- Here's the thing about text: - they get there right away.
- I know, um, listen, I love the direction this is taking, but maybe we could do this during non-firing hours? - Like, after dark? - OK! Thank you for understanding and turning out the lights.
- Well, it's dark now.
- Hell, I can find another job! (giggles) - Hey! - Yo! Gum! - Bagel! - What.
.
? No, bro! This is the treasure I found while Geocaching.
It's this 'way ahead of the curve' trend I've spotted.
Yeah, I love Geocaching.
I took my dad last summer.
Your dad! The guy who wears socks with sandals and still thinks the internet is for hippies is geocaching? Not anymore.
Now, he's axe-throwing.
- Why? - Axe-throwing No, no reason.
Dude, you need to relax.
I don't think I've seen you with sweat on your forehead before.
Tell you what; I found a way to relax at work that I highly recommend.
- What are you talking about? - Moments ago, I was in the boardroom with a lady.
- Things got crazy.
- Wow, B.
, proud of you! You seem to really have a handle on this whole non-relaysh thing! - I know! I was pantless at work! - Oh! I must have - missed THAT casual Friday.
- Steph! Hey! Didn't hear you come in! I meant metaphorically pantless.
I was in a heated meeting, I got caught with my pants down in that meeting.
Um how are you today? Ah, feeling a little left out.
Everyone's doing this fantasy football thing in the office, but me.
- You can play! - Nyeah, I could, except I don't know anything about the players, never watch the game and I really hate football.
You could play fantasy fantasy football.
- What's that? - It doesn't exist.
Yeah, it is! We use fictional characters, we make up the rules as we go and you don't have to watch a single game! I LOVE fantasy fantasy football! Everybody does! It's the hottest trend right now.
No, no, no, hang on a second, if it actually becomes a trend, - our friendship should end.
- Well, you're in trouble because I just chose Thor as our quarterback.
- Oooh, yeah! - Right!? You know, I got to get my head back into the game.
I'm going shopping.
Good luck! - Thanks, Beckett! - Aw, come on! Thank you for attending a very important focus group.
The product you are about to experience has never been seen before.
If you like it, turn your dials to the right.
If you dislike it, to the left.
And it will begin now! HO! That's what's up.
Drink it in.
Drink it all the way in, babies, huh!? Ha ha ha HA! - I know, to the right, guys! - (Beep! Beep! Beep!) Nelson, what are you doing with my focus group and and you know what? In the future, dress yourself, THEN, do crack.
- I think he looks cool! - Thank you, Gordon.
Almost as good as the mannequin wearing it at Target.
Nelson, I'll be back in 5 minutes, at which point I would like my focus group back and I would like my boardroom to be free of whatever this is.
- (Ding! Ding!) - All right, guys, - "Beer Abby" 's back in session! - (all): Woo! (applause) "Will you go out with me?" Let me take a quick scan! And no! "Beer Abby"? It's my way! I got to do it my way, Bryce! Awesome, Abby! Way to take charge! "Do you have any training that qualifies you to give advice?" Ha ha ha! I'm not even qualified to work in a bar! (laughter) This is not the intended purpose of the 'Comments and Questions' box.
No one wants to hear your quippy japes.
Uh, are you guys loving "Beer Abby" or what? - (all): Woo! - I love you! I'm totally fan-girling out right now.
- The people have spoken.
- No this is not how it's done.
It's time for Advice With Bryce.
"What is the WI-Fi password?" It's Manions, no apostrophe, underscore 7.
- (booing) - Boring! Just imparting information! Ooh! I've never been on a sex crawl before.
I was on a sex walk once, but it was just a fundraiser for HPV and not nearly as enjoyable.
I'm going to put on a little music, what kind do you like? Beckett, you're starting to pry! Yes, right! Just keeping it caj! - (text alert) - Oh Wow!! - Yeah, super caj! It's one of my wicked links contacts.
He finally agreed to meet with me for an interview.
Ah but it has to happen now, so Oh yeah? Caj! We're all caj! Caj you later! Is the other one! (big breath) (text alert) "Why don't they call a plain bagel a nothing bagel? "Would a nothing bagel even exist? Did I just blow your mind?" "If a nothing bagel falls in the forest, does anybody eat it?" "You would.
Ha ha ha.
#Loser.
" Funny story: - my contact's car blew up.
- Oh my God! Is he all right? Yeah, he's fine.
And you know how it is! You and I have very different lives.
Do you need a second? Well maybe a second helping of you! Well, you're in luck because papa made a big batch! Wow! Meet me in the shower.
- Right behind you! - (giggles) (text alert) Ah! - " Are you still there?" - Beckett, you there? Yup! Dig up lots of soap because I'm feeling dirty! - Hey, Beckett! - What's up? I was thinking, if you get to have Thor on your fantasy fantasy football team, then I want Batman.
The Norse God of Thunder for a guy with nocturnal identity issues? You got a death wish, Lyons? Says a guy who put Tickle Me Elmo as a defense? He has a belly full of giggles! It's very disarming.
- It's stupid.
- Trust me, you're gonna want Hey! What are you guys talking about? Uh, just our fantasy fantasy football league.
It's a fantasy football league with fictional characters.
See, fantasy football league is regular characters; - fantasy fantasy means you - Yeah! yeah, yeah, I got it.
- Oh! Bye! - Bye bye! So I was wondering if you want to help me out with a shoot.
Sure, yeah, are you shooting today? Yes.
Us.
Us? Oh! Us! Uh I don't think I'm camera ready.
Maybe just grab a bite to eat? Yeah, and then we'll go antique shopping, - we'll buy a dog! - Oh, right Not a couple! Come on, it'll just be for the two of us.
- (text alert) - Oh! I got to take this! My fixer just got abducted in Kabul! - Lord! - What? Did you finally realize that Toucan Sam could never coach a football team? Hey! If he can find Froot Loops, he can lead a team.
It's all good! He said he was Canadian, and they let him go! Hey! So, uh, you're ready for your close up? Yeah, listen, um, what if we were to make it less of a thing that could come back to haunt me? Instead of a sex tape, maybe we make a sex play? It will still be scripted, fancy wardrobe, just not so much post-production.
Well, as long as I get to direct.
I'll head up the props department.
(loud forced sigh) (other forced sigh and Ahem!) - (exaggerated sigh) - Oh, for God's sakes, what is it, Nelson? Dave, I'm glad you asked.
(Snif!) (loud sigh) The focus group, Ha! They said that I was overcompensating.
ME! Well, you are wearing a cape! Capes are for cartoon characters.
This is a cloak, OK? This is Haute Couture.
This is me being ahead of the trends.
Yeah, well, you look like a vampire that's trying to score ecstasy.
Nelson, you're just having a quarter-life crisis.
It's very common for people of your age.
- Oh, I'm of an age now? - Yes, you are.
That means old! Next thing you know, I'm going to have hankerings for dinner in the mid-afternoon.
Hankerings! What have I become? I don't know, but I've got to go to my jet-ski soccer game.
Wait, that's a thing now? No, no.
I just made that up to hurt you.
(laughter) "How do I ask my girlfriend to have a threesome?" You wait for her to bring it up.
P.
S.
She ain't gonna.
Ahem! "Any advice for someone with a Fine Arts Degree?" Get comfortable, you are going to spend a lot of time here.
"What the " dollar sign, hashtag, ampersand, exclamation point" are you doing? Oh, heh heh, Beer Abby will be right back, folks, because Beer Abby might Beer-fired.
Abby, excuse my language, but for pity's sake, - what are you doing? - Well, right now, I think I'm being scolded by a guy who thinks "for pity's sake" is a swear word.
Abby, language! You have not sold a drink in over an hour.
You know what, everybody? "Beer Abby" is cancelled.
Hey! Where have you been all afternoon? Um I went to the theatre with Andrea.
- Oh, nice! what did you see? - It was a lot like Wicked.
- Did your girlfriend like it? - Oh, she's not my girlfriend.
- Really? - No, we're just keeping it caj.
It's kind of like casual only half as serious.
- Well, I am really jealous.
- I beg your pardon? I've never been able to keep anything casual.
- Oh.
- I always have to know that we're building towards something, you know? But that's - just the kind of person I am.
- I gotta go.
Oh, I'm sorry, is it weird - that we talked about all this? - No.
This was exactly what I needed to hear.
Nelson you were right.
What in the hell are you wearing? I don't even know anymore! Nelson, have you gained weight? Ew, no! Just wearing 4 shirts in case one of them goes out of style.
What are those? Pogs.
Yeah, they were really popular back in grade school.
And you know who knew they were going to be really popular? Me.
Now my magic's all gone.
Nelson, you'll never be able to predict all the trends.
The important thing is to set the trends.
Speaking of which what the hell happened to the 'Beer Abby' Box? I got rid of it because she wasn't selling any drinks.
- All right, let me at that bell.
- (Ding! Ding!) - Hear ye, hear ye! - Yup! Town cryering is back in! New rule: anyone who wants to ask Abby a question has to buy a drink.
"Beer Abby's" back! (cheering) Take that, Molly Ringbald! And you will give Molly Ringbald the respect she deserves.
Bryce, get a hold of all the major lifestyle magazines, tell them about the hottest new trend.
Will do, sir.
Remember, it was all my idea.
Mm-hm! Yeah, before you know it, there'll be versions of 'Beer Abby' in bars all across the country.
Don't be ahead of the curve, Nelson, - be the curve.
- Wow! OK, OK, idea: Um What if your napkin was also a fashionable ascot? A a 'napscot' if you will.
You know, that's a really good idea! If we get Ryan Gosling to wear one, within a week, they'll be selling them at Target.
What do you think? - Just picturing Ryan Gosling.
- Wearing your 'napscot'? No, I'm just just picturing Ryan Gosling.
Ah So you want to stop seeing me because we have too much incredible sex? Well, when you say it like that, it sounds crazy! No, I want to stop seeing you because all we have is too much incredible sex.
That doesn't sound a whole lot better, does it? It's OK, I mean, do you really think this is the first time - this has ever happened to me.
- So, you understand? No! This is the first time this has ever happened to me.
- Are you insane? - Look, I'm just not that guy! I guess I don't do 'casual'.
I tried to be that guy.
I played that guy in a risqué off-Broadway play.
- But I'm not that guy.
- God! You're such a good person.
Well, it was fun being your friend with benefits.
(moaning) (more moaning) Ah! (yelling in a hush): Am I insane!? (text alert) "I made a major decision.
" - "Me too.
" - "I changed my entire defensive line to the Transformers.
" "Mine are the Garbage Pail Kids.
" #YouAreTheRealGarbage #TrashTalk Folks, let me tell you about a little thing called a 'napscot'.
All right? It is a hybrid of a napkin and an ascot.
Feeling sloppy? No problem, Papi! Because you can wipe that mess up with class.
It's a perfect combination of function and fashion.
OK? When I put it on, I feel (Breathes in.
) I feel confident.
And I feel warm, and I feel secure.
- What do you all think? - (positive buzzes) Now, you guys feeling sloppy? Don't you worry about it, Papi! (laughter) - Sorry, I don't know! - (laughter from production team)