Stella (2012) s02e08 Episode Script

Series 2, Episode 8

What's going on? I'm going back to Lenny.
Save it for the fight, son.
Fight? More like annihilation.
What you been doing, Dai? Shagging a copper.
What d'you want? To know what this is all about?! It's just a rugby pitch.
Rugby's a way of life round 'ere.
Oof! Have you had a shower this morning? You smell of boy! You always say that.
What exactly does "boy" smell of? Socks, pants and sweat.
Good God.
Why for are you dressed as Elvis, Little Al? Cos I'm gonna school.
Exactly! It's come as a famous person day.
You do pay two pound if you don't dress up, but only one pound if you do do - for cancer.
Oh, mam! You've forgot to tell me again, haven't you? Sorry.
Don't move.
There you go Harry Potter.
Thanks mam.
That was interesting.
Yeah! Yeah! There's only one thing left to do.
I don't think I'm quite ready for that, love.
No, I gotta go to work, you div! I Thought you'd drowned.
Keeping the clock on me now, are you? Ey, Zoe called you back yet? How d'you know I've rung her? Luke, we live in a terraced house.
I could hear you all night, tapping away on your phone.
I thought the microwave was on the blink.
Left her loads of texts, that's all.
Had nothing back.
Yeah, well, maybe you should leave it for a bit, love.
Eh? It might make things worse for her if your name keeps coming up on her phone - wind Lenny up even more.
Why are we all worried about what Lenny thinks? The bloke's a dickhead.
Hiya, this is Zoe.
Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you.
It's me again.
Call me back.
Please.
Eh, Rocky, ready for tomorrow night? The big fight? Yeah, I'm fine.
I can handle myself.
Yeah, Lenny don't look big but I've seen him fight before, butt.
He's like lightning, mun, and nasty.
Yes, so everybody keeps saying.
Look, I been thinking, do you want me to be your second? Give you a few pointers? I don't wanna brag like, but back in the day I had a bit of a rep.
"Crazy Karl" they called me.
That's not cos you was hard - it's cos you was tup! What you on about? I can look after myself.
What about that first night we went out together and those two bouncers put you in a skip?! Look, I gotta go.
What skip? Oh, and Luke, you'll be on show tomorrow.
Why don't you pop round the shop later for an all-over Autumn mist and chest and crack wax? Oh, that skip.
It's a three-round fight, not a fashion shoot.
Please yourself! Anyway, it's just an inter-club thing, it's not a big fight.
I don't need a second.
Well, if you're sure, but me and Nads'll be there anyway, early like, to get ringside seats.
I don't really want people Now, Karl.
Now.
What? It has to be NOW! Oh, Jesus Christ! Gotta go, butt.
Duty calls.
W-I-Double L.
Double L.
No, one double L.
I-A-M-S - Williams.
Yeah, he's about my application.
I know that love, but time is the one thing I haven't got.
Al? Look, I gotta go.
I'll call you back.
Bye.
Hiya.
Morning, Stell.
Eh, you know Ronnie chimp? Always goes around with Harry Caravan? Yeah.
Well, I was at Murtle Evans' yesterday for the dirties and she said that Ronnie Chimp went in the ex-club and told them he don't want to be called that no more.
Well, I suppose if you've gone round all your life being told you look like a small monkey, eventually No, no, it's not the chimp bit he minds - it's Ronnie.
From now on, he wants to be known as Charles.
Charlie Chimp? Suppose so.
Murtle reckons it's a benefit scam.
Wouldn't surprise me.
That entire Chimp family is nothing but a bunch of animals.
You're very quiet today, Al.
Stell, you know when you want something really, really bad and you're not sure if you're gonna get it? Oh, now come on, presh, we've been over this before.
You've got accept that we are just friends.
No, no it's not that.
Good.
Now we're on that, If ever you change your mind, offer's still there.
I mean, you're not getting any younger, like Charming.
But for me you've got better as you've got older, like Red Rum.
D'you know what? I'm always glad when I come to you first - you really set me up for the day.
Not a problem.
Any time.
Come on, what is it? Oh, Al, what have you done? Ah, Luke, big fight tomorrow.
Your debut in the ring, eh, lad? Yeah, well, it's not a big thing really.
The whole town's coming.
You, er, thought about who you want to be your second? What? Cos I venture to suggest you couldn't do no better than the man here in front of you, my boy.
Look, Mr Davies Pontyberry School boys champ three years on the run, and winner in the nationals against an English school in the under 13's group, even though I was 17 at the time like.
Is that legal? Oh! Legal schmegal.
Never questioned it cos of my height, see - always been a blessing.
Pass us a bag of those satsumas, will you? You need to be a poxy giraffe to get at the fruit round here.
Ah, here she is, our Funeral Director.
It's so good to have you back.
This is Mrs Burgess and her daughter.
She just lost her husband.
I know how she feels! Right then, upstairs with you for a cup of tea, I think.
Come on.
Yes Compose yourself woman, for goodness sake! She's very empathetic - that's what makes her the best.
She grieves with you.
Not at you! What's the matter with you?! Come on! So basically, if we can't find the money for the lease by the end of the month, that's it - we'll lose the club.
This re-mortgage will just cover it.
That's a hell of a lot of money you're asking for, Al.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, how are you ever gonna pay it back? I dunno, but this is the club, Stell.
We can't lose it.
And yeah, this is your house.
Your home! You can't lose that neither.
Oh, there must be another way.
I dunno, I've racked my brains.
Even thought of selling one of my organs.
What? Apparently there's a bloke on the Rhondda who got six grand for a kidney on eBay.
Took his kids to see Santa in Lapland.
Alan Williams, you are not selling your kidneys for that blumming club.
What about Rob Morgan? Eh? Well, he's a successful business man.
He's from round 'ere.
He may well want to help.
Wouldn't know how to ask.
Well, think of a way to cos you can't afford to lose this house.
What you doing here?! Coming in.
Are you out of your head?! What if Lenny was here? He's always up the gym this time of the morning.
Gets all pumped up before he goes and gives them shit down the dole.
You still shouldn't be 'ere, Luke.
It's not fair on me.
What about what's fair on me? You haven't returned none of my calls.
I've been going spare with worry.
My phone's not working! Bullshit.
Lenny dropped it in the washing up.
Lenny does the washing up?! Said it was an "accident".
He's a total control freak.
You shouldn't be 'ere.
He's the father of my son, Luke.
Oh, that's all you ever say! Not that he's your boyfriend, or you love him, or you can't live without him.
I know.
Come back with me.
Please? I'd NEVER drop your phone in the washing up.
Never go near it.
Absolutely.
Well said.
Ultimately the finishing, in terms of handles and edging, is what takes the eye and these are available in silver brass or bronze.
We always suggest you take your time to Don't stop me cos I'm having a good time Don't stop yes I'm having a good time I don't want to stop at all As for the lining, as you can see on these pages, cotton, silk or velvet are all options and these I'm a sex machine Ready to reload.
Like an atom bomb I'm about to oh oh oh Why don't we discuss the cremation itself? I'm burning through the sky yeah 200 degrees that's why they Call me Mr Fahrenheit I'm travelling At the speed of light I wanna make A supersonic man out of you Excuse me.
Don't stop me Don't stop me ooh Stop!!! I have got a woman downstairs whose father just died in a road accident because his brakes failed! And you lot are singing, "Don't stop me now, I'm travelling at the speed of frigging light!" He's right, Paula, we've got to rehearse somewhere.
I don't care - it can't be here! You'll have to find somewhere else - rapid! Dai.
Come in.
Can't stop.
Got something for you.
Satsumas? No, this.
What is it? There's a full committee meeting - you've been called in front of them.
Full? Aye, full.
Make sure you're there.
£2.
50 please.
Oh, you're Sunny's friend, aren't you? We met at the Baby naming, that's right.
Leah.
What brings you up here, then? Oh, and don't say the nightlife cos believe me there's more going on between Katie Price's ears.
Actually, I was supposed to meet Sunny - is he about? No, him and Em have taken Abrah up Cyfartha Park - feed the ducks.
Eh what is it? I'm sorry, he said 11 - he promised.
He's supposed to be telling her today.
Telling who what? Sunny telling Emma that we're having an affair and we're in love.
I'm sorry but it's been going on for months, it was going to come out, and he needs to sort this mess out.
Get out of my shop.
I'm sorry.
Now! It's the fight tomorrow, isn't it? Eh? No.
Yeah, sort of.
It's more complicated than that.
You're being about as clear as those desk instructions.
Oh, I dunno.
Everything's hanging in the bloody air.
It's like this fight is for Zoe.
It's all got out of hand.
Why don't you just call it off? Would you? No.
Look, I'm gonna sound a bit of a dick here but will you, you know, be my second like? Tomorrow.
Course I will.
Knock, knock.
Mam, what you doing here? You forgot your sandwiches - I made your favourites today.
B-L-P-B.
"B-L-P-B?" Bacon, lettuce and peanut butter.
Oh, sounds bloody awful.
You've just got no sense of adventure.
You didn't try broccoli till you were 16.
Neither did half the Valley.
And you were frightened of donkeys! Serious? Shut up! Yeah, school trip to Porthcawl when we was 12 - your father wouldn't go on 'em.
Cos I lost my money in the sand.
Nonsense, you were frightened.
Well, as much as I just love listening to you two bicker, I gotta go.
It's not bicker, it's your mother's idea of banter.
Bicker, banter, shanter.
I'm off.
Thanks for these.
Frightened? Me? Why don't you call him? It's none of your business.
Go and Spray Mrs Watkins! There's something I've been meaning to ask you - what's your first name? And then to top it all, Kevin Frederick had a fit in the sea! - And those girls thought - .
.
he was showing off! So what've you come for? Eh? Well, I know it wasn't about sandwiches.
Oh.
It's Zoe and this blooming fight - Luke's not a boxer.
Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, you know.
Anyway I want you to persuade him to pull out.
I can't do that.
I've already agreed to be his second.
You what? Well, he's not going to pull out just cos his mammy told him to.
It's one of those bloke things.
Oh, hang on, we'll have John Wayne riding through in a minute on his horse.
All I'm saying is, that we're parents, we can't just go wading in.
That's what parents do - we wade.
Maybe we should let him sort it out for himself this time, eh? I hope you're right.
OK I'll leave you to it.
Thank you for the sandwiches.
I didn't bring you any.
Exactly.
Oh, you can buy your own, Rob Morgan, you got enough money.
Get down them sands and find it! Melissa, what can I do for you? What's in 'em? Bacon, lettuce and peanut butter.
Oh, gross, I hate lettuce.
Well? Not bad.
Bacon's a bit crispy.
You know what I mean.
I need time to think straight, yeah? I know we can't hide away like this forever.
Give me 'till tomorrow.
Please? One thing though.
What? Bacon's just right.
So, crispy not soft then.
Always.
Marmite or marmalade? Marmalade, every time.
Mmm, surprising.
Cake or biscuits? Ooh Cake.
Cheese or chocolate? Chocolate.
Toast or crisps? Crisps.
- What? Cheese and onion.
- Ah, you minger! Hiya, Bethan, how are you? Can you repeat that please? I was wondering if you'd like to go see a boxing match tomorrow night? Boxing? Yeah.
Me and you? Yeah? I know, it's my age, innit? No.
Eh? It's your gender.
I don't do boys.
What you doing home at lunch time? Huh, I need another quid, don't I? Why for? You dressed up, didn't you? The people we're supposed to come as had to be real! Well, Harry Potter's real, isn't he? No, he isn't.
In fact, I don't know what is real any more.
Bobby! She's back on the sauce! What stage is she at? Giggly and loving, or arsey and arrogant? She's gone straight to maudlin and she's asking for YOU! Lunch? I'm here today to offer you a fantastic business opp Alan.
Eh? Why don't you sit down? Well, I've practiced standing up, y'know.
So, if you don't mind? Sorry.
I'm here today to offer you a fantastic business opp Why are you shouting? Eh? I'm only sat here.
Yeah, I know but in my mind you were further back, like in Dragons' Den.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
I'm here today to offer you a fantastic business opp Alan, why don't you just sit down and tell me what you've come for? Right.
Well, I've come to ask you to be our sponsor, Rob.
I've come to ask you to save our rugby club.
You know you're my bestest friend in all the world and you know how proud I am of you, don't you? I do.
Cos you're used to losing men, see, I'm not.
That's why it's hard for me, you know, hard.
How d'you mean, "losing men"? Well they skedaddled, didn't they? Sean was too young and Karl was too thick.
Well, Rob He was the first and the worst, really.
Here's to you.
Woah, hang on a minute, lovely girl.
Rob Morgan is not as bad as he's made out to be.
He's being a bloody good dad to Luke at the moment, and he made his mistakes when he was young, not like you.
Me? Yeah, you.
Running round done up like a ham bone "Ham bone?" .
.
looking at any fella that'll give you the eye, when Dai was begging you to come back.
He was begging, weren't he? My Dai.
Oh, what am I gonna do, Stell? How am I gonna live without him? Just tell him how you feel.
I want him back Peschman will help us - he's a genius.
Is he? I'm gonna make it work, at that counselling tomorrow night.
He'll see.
To the truth! The truth! Honesty Is such a lonely word Everyone is sooo untrue You're the lucky one, Mrs Watkins - I can hear it.
Honesty is hardly ever heard And mostly In conclusion, Pontyberry RFC is the right choice, the only choice, so get on board now and join a winning team.
The end.
Thank you, Alan.
You've made a very compelling and uh unique pitch.
The use of finger puppets was a first for me.
But this is simply the wrong time for me to invest, and so I'm afraid, for that reason, I'm out.
You OK? It's just that that club It's my life.
That and Little Al is it's all I've got really.
Look, Al, sometimes we don't do ourselves any favours by hanging onto the past.
Try to think with your head, not your heart, eh? Thanks.
I'm gonna save this club whatever it takes.
You haven't done anything rash, have you? No.
Like you said, I've used my head.
I'm still waiting to hear like.
But if it comes through, I won't need your money.
If what goes through? My application.
I'm re-mortgaging my house.
Help me Rhonda help help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda help help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda help help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda help help me Rhonda Help me Rhonda What's the point? Do you have to have that thing on? Local derby, innit? Gotta have it on - the customers demand it.
But there's nobody here! They're all at the match, aren't they? Oh, this is impossible.
Let's leave it for today.
Next Wednesday at the same time, please.
Jagadeesh, a moment? Of course.
It's time I got to know your diaphragm.
My what? A few simple techniques and you'll be singing like Pavarotti.
Isn't he dead? Don't stop me now.
I beg your pardon? From the top.
Oh, yes.
Tonight I'm going to have myself A real good time I feel ali-i-i-ive And the world Ooh, is that the time? Look, I've got a delivery coming.
See you.
Close your mouth.
I've had a great time.
Thank you, Jean.
Jane.
Jane, yes, of course, Jane.
I'll see you tomorrow after my shift.
I can't do that, love.
I'm seeing Paula tomorrow - counselling session - it's important.
OK, tonight then.
I'll be late but don't wait up.
I can let myself into anywhere.
Breaking and entering - my speciality.
Ah! Ah, well in for a penny Do you know why we called you here, Alan? Yes, and I'd like to begin my defence by stating that, as a member of this great club for over Sorry, I'm late.
I'm having trouble with the sheep.
Ah, there you are.
I was halfway through a shank.
Sit down please, George.
It seems, Alan, that we owe you an apology.
Eh? Since seeing you yesterday, I've discovered that you'd been trying to get a sponsor to SAVE this club.
So, it stands to reason you wouldn't of been working alongside Melissa.
We're really sorry, Al.
Of course, I believed in you throughout, Alan.
I just had to go along with the majority, like.
Yeah, well I tried Rob Morgan but he didn't come through.
But there's still hope I've applied to re-mortgage my house.
Oh, Alan, that's an incredible gesture but it's pointless, mun.
We are but minnows to a mighty machine.
The cause is hopeless.
The club is as good as lost.
Is that what Churchill said? "The cause is hopeless?" No.
He went on the beach for a scrap.
Did Henry VIII listen to advice about his wives? No! He just cut their heads off! And why? Because they had spirit! And that's what I've got! I am NOT going to be pushed around anymore! And no-one is taking over that club, not as long as I'm here.
Not now, not ever! I'm off training.
See you later.
Oof, you ming of gin.
Charmer.
Why you in such a good mood? Cos I'm in with a chance.
You know I don't want you to do it.
I'm not talking about the fight.
I don't want to come in.
I wasn't going to invite you to.
Don't try and be clever, Alan.
Believe me, it really doesn't suit you.
I've just come to tell you I'm moving on.
What do you mean? Away from here, the Valleys.
Never really liked the place, to be honest, but then you always knew that.
Once this deal is through, I'm off.
Keith and I are moving to Surrey.
Oh, probably best for all of us, truth told.
Exactly.
Especially for Little Alan.
How do you mean? I'll be taking him with us.
You what? We've found a really good boarding school - it's perfect.
It's only ten miles away from where we'll be living.
You can't do that.
Oh yes I can.
That's why I'm here.
I've applied through the courts for custody of Little Alan.
You'll be getting a letter from my solicitor.
Oh, and I've found out about your re-mortgaging plans.
What? How? It doesn't matter.
But my solicitor reckons you've seriously jeopardized any chances you may have had in terms of a legal battle for custody.
Where would you expect Little Alan to live? With you on the streets? Melissa, where would he sleep? Who'll do his packed lunches and make his costumes for school? You know how much he loves dressing up.
Who'll teach him how to play rugby? Who'll be there when he's sad? You don't need to worry about that - he'll be with me.
Melissa Over my dead body.
Can I have a word? Hang on, where's the fire? What the fuck are you playing at, Sunny? Eh? Your friend Leah was in the shop yesterday, crying her eyes out over your affair, and telling me you were leaving Em! Oh, God.
You've got to believe me when I tell you that is total rubbish.
She's a psycho, I swear.
What's happened then? Nothing, honest.
Not nothing exactly.
Oh, my God.
We did kiss, once, but that was it.
Oh, great.
- It was a mistake.
- Ow! But you've gotta tell Emma, Sunny, it's only fair.
And if you don't tell her, I will.
Get off! She's not 'ere, Dad.
I haven't seen her all day.
Something's wrong.
You got to try and forget about Zoe for now, son.
Concentrate on the fight, OK? Don't look at him.
I'm gonna take your fucking head off.
Sorry I'm a bit late - Lidl is murder on a Friday.
Time is but a series of moments that can be suspended or cascaded within our own reality.
Lateness is therefore relative, Dai.
But we said seven.
In that case, yes, you're late.
Hiya, Dai.
You been drinking? In the blue corner Luke Morgan! And in the red corner Lenny Mack! Boooo! You know the drill - no holding, no gouging, and Lenny, no biting.
Right, touch gloves and come out fighting.
Go on, Lukey.
Go on, Luke! Round one! Right Who'd like to start? Go on, keep it going! Watch him! Look, I know I've had a drink More than just the one, I'd say.
Please remember that blame is left on the doorstep of these rooms.
Guilt is wiped away with the soil on our shoes.
But the truth is This'll be interesting, Pesch.
Oh, Dai, you haven't called me "presh" for ages.
He said "Pesch"presh.
Anyway the truth is, deep down I always wanted our relationship to work.
This is progress.
You see, Dai, sleeping with other men was not a deep-rooted subconscious parting from you in Paula's mind.
She merely slept with them for carnal pleasures and sexual gratification.
Does that help? Continue, Paula.
We are opening doors.
Counter punch to his ribs.
He opens up when he swings with his right.
Seconds out.
His ribs! Round Two! I'm begging you, Dai.
I know I made a big mistake Can you feel the open energy that fills this room, Dai? Flow, Paula, flow! But I love you and I would do anything to have you back.
Please take me back, Dai? Let's start again.
I want a divorce.
That's a boy! Get him.
Come on! Never mind that stuff, love.
It's like cat's piss.
Get your cocking tonsils round this.
Aye, alright then.
Luke, come on! Come on! I can't bear this! Yes! Oh, he's been hit again, hasn't he? No, mam, he's the one doing the hitting.
Look.
Come on! Break! Just keep him on his back foot.
Emma, I need to tell you something! Are you mental, Sun? Watch the fight.
Come on, Luke! Seconds out.
You can do it, son.
Ref! Come on! Referee! Referee! You bloody cheat, mun! One Oh, no Two Where's your glasses? Three That's not a legitimate punch! Four Five We're not bloody having this! Get out of the way, Karl! I'm going Move, out the way! Ref, that was in the cocking cock! Open your eyes, mun! You're missing a good fight by 'ere.
Get out of the ring, minger.
Oi, who do you think you're pushing? That's disgusting! Ladies, that is no way to behave Hands off the girls, little man! D'you want some then, do you? Yeah.
Come on, then Leave him, Nadine.
He's not worth it, love.
They're pensioners they are.
I said, "Out".
You should be ashamed of yourself! You stink of cabbage.
You cocking little shit.
I've had bigger boys than you, love.
Lemme at him! Leave it, butt.
Crazy Karl 'ere.
Heard of me? No.
Luke! Please, no violence, this is a boxing ring! Now, ladies, will you please leave? Well, this one's hardly a lady, is she? Oi, who you talking to, butt? Didn't you hear me? Crazy Karl ere, mun! Yes! Luke! Zoe! Zoe.
Get over here now! No.
I said, "Now".
You don't own me - nobody does.
It's over, Len.
That's it.
No gloves this time Lenny! Luke, leave it! Leave it, Luke.
Get your fucking hands off me! Arg! What the fuck do you want? One thing never touch my boy again.
Where's Jack? With my mam.
Come back with me tonight, please? Where've you been? Chatting.
Oh.
Chatting? You? D'you wanna lift? Yeah, alright.
Well, that's the most excitement I've had since giving birth.
Yeah.
Right, what's up Sunny? You been like a nagging wotsit all night! It's about Leah.
You was magnificent in there, babes.
Real masculine.
You can have one on me tonight - doggy.
Cracking.
Do not follow me, Sun - you're pathetic.
Em, please Come on, Shag Monster.
You know you cockin' want me.
Aye, go on then.
Try and keep your head up, is it? Arg! What is it with women and pillows? Stop clucking, mun.
You gonna be able to sleep tonight? Yeah.
Zoe's gonna sing me a lullaby, aren't you? Right.
See you in the morning then.
Night.
See you later.
You know I'm not gonna let you sleep, don't you? Ow.
Oh.
Oh, thanks.
God, they never stop being a worry, do they? So I'm discovering.
Just be glad you've only got the one.
So, I'm going back next week.
Yeah.
Luke's gonna miss you.
And what about you, Stella? Are you gonna miss me? D'you want a biscuit with that? No, I'm alright.
I got Kit Kats or a fig roll? Please don't kiss me, Rob.
If you kiss me, I don't stand a chance.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Sean! Is this a bad time? OK, boys, I'm proud to lead you out today.
Let's get out there and save our pitch.
Stell, you know I only want what's best for you? Yeah?