Stella (2012) s02e09 Episode Script

Series 2, Episode 9

Please don't kiss me Rob, if you kiss me I don't stand a chance.
No-one is taking over our club.
Not now! Not ever! Zoe, get over here now! You don't own me.
Do not follow me, Sun, you are pathetic.
D'you wanna stick it in again before I piss off? And my Dad'll come and get you when you're ready, OK? Yes! Stop frettin.
You can't blame me you live with a psychopath.
Used to live with a psychopath.
Excuse me.
Missed you last night, Aunty Paula.
Thought you'd be there cheering your favourite nephew on.
You sure your Mam's OK - y'know about us movin in.
Cos it's a lot to ask - with a baby an' that.
Mam loves babies.
It's just she seemed a bit y'know this mornin.
She's alright is she? Can I start doin' boxin'? Yeah.
Serious? Yeah.
What? No course you can't, don't be ridiculous.
Tell him, Luke.
Aw, you never let me do anything.
It's not fair.
I let you do a lot more things than most kids, Benjamin Morris.
Like what? Never you mind! S'long Ta-rah.
I never knew his full name was Benjamin? I always thought it was Benson.
As in cigarette.
Not one of my better ones I admit, but a smile wouldn't go amiss Sorry.
You worrying about Emma? Her and Sunny and this Leah girl? Cos you know it'll all blow over It's your dad.
Oh, what've he done now - was it last night? Did he upset you? No.
He kissed me.
Look, what happened last night must never be disclosed.
Never.
Ever.
I always wondered why they called him "Big Al?" Now I cockin' know.
We're not y'know it's not like that.
I warned you - you are never safe my bitch boy.
Oh.
Hello, Jane.
Cup of tea? I was doing SO well, Luke.
I kept turnin him down, puttin him off, battin him away like a wasp on a jam jar - and then he bloody kissed me and I hate him for it.
You don't hate him do you? Yes I do, cos now I can't stop thinkin about him and he's swannin' off back to Canada next week.
What the frig happens then? I'm left swingin in the Berry, weepin' like a schoolgirl, just like before.
Maybe he'll stay.
Bollocks he will.
Rob Morgan living round here? Do me a favour.
Well if you feel that strongly about it, maybe you better just stay out of his way.
Until he flies back.
Yeah.
Yeah you're right, presh.
I will.
He's taking me out for lunch.
Maybe we could do something different like.
Y'know, go to Bristol Zoo or something? A little day out? I get you bitch boy! Animals is it? Oh God.
So where you takin' my mother then? Erm new restaurant in Cardiff.
Thought we'd give it a go.
This is alright isn' it? It's not too much? No it's fine.
Right, well you make sure you get her home on time.
Or else you'll have me to answer to young man.
You know that's a bit weird don't you? Talkin' like that.
Don't tell me what's weird! My father's datin' my mother.
Shut up, it's not a date, is it Rob.
Just a couple of friends eating a bit of fish.
That's exactly what it is.
S'long.
Have fun! Yeah, see you.
You look very lovely by the way.
Thanks.
I been such a fool, y'know? Runnin' around like a ham bone, and now Dai wants a divorce! Dai's not a twat Daddy Not much of a one anyway.
I guess so.
You and Mummy fought for your marriage didn't you? Then so will I.
I'm gonna win my husband back, Daddy.
Whatever it takes.
D'you still miss Mummy, Daddy? Not bad, Selena - if I do say so myself.
My application's been turned down.
That's it.
We've lost the club.
I bet you eat in places like this all the time in Vancouver don't you? It's got some fabulous restaurants.
D'you not cook in your own kitchen then? Sometimes yeah Remember when I used to make us carbonara every Sunday night at your house? And we'd eat it up in your bedroom? And pretend we were doing schoolwork But really we were listenin' to the Top 40 and shagging.
And having lots of sex.
So what are we doin' now then? About to have dessert No, I mean I'm wondering what it is you actually want from me Rob.
A bit of Pontyberry rough is it? I suppose more than anything I want you to forgive me.
For leaving you.
I forgave you years ago, presh.
I just like givin' you a hard time.
And I want you to trust me again.
Hmm, well that one's a bit trickier.
Is it? OK, anything I ask you, you have to answer truthfully.
And I'll know if you're lyin'.
How? There's this little thing you do.
With your mouth.
Right.
Question number one - did you or did you not fancy Cara Blake when she wore that see-thru skirt to Jackie Phelps's 18th? Bit twp of you mind.
Thinkin they'd give you a remortgage.
A taxi driver? On your wages? Don't matter no more anyway.
Game's over.
Good God, the game have only just begun! What we need is a fundraiser.
I got it! I got just the thing! Imagine this is Pontyberry Rugby pitch, we mark it off into squares like this and we sell off the squares! Who to? Anyone who'll pay.
It's a community pitch! We'll sell it BACK to the community.
That's not legal though is it? Legal schmegal.
We're not really selling it.
It's a token gesture Al - a gimmick if you will.
But is that enough? No.
And that's where YOU come in.
We need a game for them to watch.
Pentrwg still your biggest rivals? Oh, Aye.
So let's play on what the Welsh love best - blatant tribalism.
Pontyberry, versus Pentrwg.
It'll draw a crowd and they'll all stick their hands in their pockets.
Whadda you say kid? The Olympics won't hold a torch to it eh.
Don't be ridiculous, Alan.
How can it possibly be anything like the Olympics.
And talking of Olympics, I hear you had intercourse with Rhian Evans last night.
All I'm sayin is I hope you've had a good wash.
And I don't mean under your arms! Oh God! Right.
Final question.
Christ, how many questions are there? What's really going on between you and Melissa Williams? We're working together.
On a project.
Oh, right! Bloody hell, not the rugby pitch? What? You're not workin' on the rugby pitch thing with her? Out of interest why would that be so bad? You windin' me up? No cos surely it'd bring a huge amount to the whole valley - and Luke, it'd be really good for him wouldn't it? Well I don't know about you but I wouldn't want that on my conscience - destroying a whole community just so my son can earn a few quid.
Being a bit melodramatic now Oh my God - so are you working on it? No! I'm we're developing some flats over at Marshfield.
I didn't want to say anything until it was all confirmed.
You're doing that thing with your mouth.
Jokin' I am.
Hello? Not back yet.
D'you want a cup of tea.
Aye, go on then.
Bloody hell I remember that perm.
When I had it done, I couldn't leave the house for three days until it dropped.
Didn't Ritchie Grick have a perm? No! That was natural curl.
I don't think it was y'know.
Shut up! What are you doing tonight? See that pile of ironing? Well that's just the start of it Come to my hotel.
Don't give up do you.
Stay with me.
No.
Why not? I just erm.
.
I'm hanging on by a thread here, Rob.
Kissin' you was bad enough.
But if I sleep with you, that's it.
I'm done for.
But we already have slept together.
I know and look where that got me.
Come on.
I'll order carbonara on room service Thank God for that.
Make the tea you perv.
Sean! Is this a bad time? Erm Well Cos it won't take long.
When d'you get back? Last night.
I didn't know.
Why would you? Look I got something I wanna tell you.
Can I come in? I've got a visitor.
Is it Rob? No.
Kettle's just boiled if you're interested.
Sean - look why don't you come back later when Forget it.
What d'you do that for? No point giving him false hope.
Honestly.
What? Look, Rob, we both know from the moment you came back to Pontyberry, Sean never stood a chance.
Didn't he? No, he didn't.
So can we drop all this Alpha male nonsense.
You won, OK? Now bugger off back to your cave.
You sure you wouldn't like to see my Neanderthal drawings? No! I already said! Anyway you were always rubbish at art.
Classic.
Babes.
Did I leave the seat up? I'm late.
Don't worry I'll drop you off once I finish this.
No, mun.
I'm late.
Late.
Whoah! Serious?! Have you done a test like? Cos you don't wanna make the same mistake Stella did.
Are you sure it's not the menopause? With respect Karl, I'm hardly in the same boat as Stella.
I'm half her age for starters.
And no.
I haven' done a test.
We'll do it later.
When we've both had a wash.
Yes! So Emma hasn't spoken to me for almost 48 hours now.
Don't blame her.
What you doin' kissin' this Leah girl for anyway? I didn't.
She y'know, she kissed me.
And you were powerless to stop her were you, mate? Thing is, the sex is amazing.
Yeah, you said.
Y'know, I mean me and Paula did some outrageous things in our time - but, Jane, she's - well she's off the recter scale, mun.
So what you moanin' for? She's given the phrase "Strong arm of the law" a whole new meaning.
I'm in constant pain.
I'm black and bloody blue.
Six more months with her and I'll only be recognisable by my dental records.
Perhaps you should try suggesting something more cerebral? What's that mean? Less violent! Welcome team! To Operation SOP.
Save our Pitch.
Yes! So this Saturday is the last dance saloon.
That's why I've chosen you.
The best of the youth.
The firsts.
And the vets.
Oh, and Dai Davies.
And it's not just about beatin' them bastards from Pentrwg - sorry kids For sayin' "Bastards"? No, for sayin' "Pentrwg".
It's about playin' like our lives depend upon it.
Because right now, we are the only hope this club has got for its survival.
What? Oh, Christ.
Rumour has it you've stirred your spoon in her porridge, Al.
Don't be so ridiculous.
Hey Al - I think I left my brassiere in your cockin' bed and I only got the one.
These puppies been bashin' my ankles all day.
So pop it round if you find it.
Oh my God, it's Scott Quinnell? Meet Pontyberry's secret weapon.
The legend that is Mr Scott Quinnell.
He owes me a couple of favours so he's gonna get you in tip top shape for the match.
Over to you, Scotty.
Thanks, Aunty Brenda.
Alright boys? Wanna play some rugby? When we cross that white line you gotta be nasty! We got to be the horrible bastards.
Are you a horrible bastard? Well I Are you? Nice one! For 80 minutes you gotta wanna kill someone.
When I cross that white line I have got to become someone else.
You ever been someone else? Yes, John Major, an alien, King Kong Shut it, bitch boy.
Just 'give me the fuckin' ball!' Job done.
That was stunnin Di, you shoulda been there.
Scott Quinnell came and babes? Right, I'll come to the point Karl, the test was negative but I'm turnin' it into a positive.
I thought we was gonna do the test together? I couldn't wait.
Anyway, if we can't have our own, we'll adopt.
So I got this for us to look through, alright? And they're really pretty the little Chinese ones.
Or there's Romania.
The orphans like.
Oh Karl, mun.
I feel such a bloody failure.
Ey, ey - 'diney! Oh babes, come here.
It's OK.
Sorry I'm late.
Got held up.
Presumably with your little scheme.
It's not a little scheme actually - the whole town is getting behind it.
Oh, Alan, bless you.
You never change - always the dreamer.
Don't start on him, Mam.
It's alright Little Alan.
Go wait in the house, eh? My solicitor tells me he still hasn't heard from yours.
Oh, he'll be hearing from mine alright.
Once I've once I've What? Once I've got one.
Dad there's no bread! New loaf in the freezer.
He'll have a binge tonight thanks to you.
He always overeats when he's upset.
That boy doesn't need an excuse to overeat.
What is wrong with you, Melissa? You destroy everything.
Little Alan's confidence, the rugby pitch.
Oh, wake up and smell the cement, Alan.
I'm not the only one involved in this project.
Who the hell d'you think is building all these bloody houses? Eh? Rob Morgan of course.
Rob wouldn't do something like that? Wouldn't he? The treacherous little get.
Never trust a Morgan.
Oi! Hoist me out a sec.
What's that? Fish pedicure.
It's all the rage.
With goldfish? I thought they had to be a special type? Fish are fish and feet are feet, Al.
And take it easy - I felt two of em pop like bubble wrap when I stepped in.
Down.
Now listen here good boy.
Pontyberry is revolting.
Beg pardon? Up in arms.
This pitch invasion has brought the hool community together.
Use it! Wait till the big fundraising day and THEN expose Rob Morgan for what he really is.
In front of everyone.
Be the saviour of the rugby club - and Stella's hero! Make it a day to remember, Al.
You can do this! You're right.
We can do this.
That's what I just said.
I'm ready.
The boys are ready.
The hool town is ready.
Just one thing.
We need a referee.
And he's gotta be impartial.
I know just the man.
Hello, Aunty Brenda.
Cut the smarm pretty boy, you're not my type.
Now, do you want to be part of this community? D'you want to make a difference? Eh? What d'you know about rugby? Very little.
Then you're just the man for the job.
Ooh, what a lovely shape.
I beg your pardon? The pears.
A lovely shape.
Just right.
Ripe.
Juicy.
Yes, well I take pride in the freshness of my produce.
I bet you do.
Are you free this Saturday? It's a massive cause.
It's for the community.
Well as you put it like that.
Yes of course.
I'll be there.
Thank you, Jagan.
Oh, Your plums are also perfect by the way.
What's so important that you can't pop down for a couple of hours.
I'm going to stood there like a bleeding Suffragette.
The least you can do is come and shake a tin for us.
Stella, you know I only want what's best for you, don't you.
And Luke.
Err Yeah? And I'd do anything for you.
Good.
So come and show your support this afternoon.
And if you're not here by half-time to peel the oranges, you and me are gonna fall out good boy.
S'long.
We'll keep a welcome in the hillside We'll keep a welcome in the dales We'll still be singing When you come home again to Wales.
Save our pitch! Surely to God you an' Sunny are speakin' by now.
He kissed another woman, Mam.
Yeah well, your dad kissed a couple of women when we were together - y'know, drunken snogs at Christmas an' that.
Sometimes you just gotta turn a blind eye.
Well that didn't work, you an' dad got divorced! So, doesn't mean I don't understand men, good girl.
With the exception of Rob Morgan.
Is he comin down? He better bloody had.
Oh, he's in a proper funny mood today.
Right.
Save our pitch! Save our pitch! After this, you can do my other elbow.
That'll pop out if they're not strapped.
Jessie Mawr.
There were less bandages on Tutankhamen! OK, boys? I am proud to lead you out today.
On your feet.
Now grab a shirt.
Now let's give them a spectacle to behold.
Let's get out there and save our pitch.
Ready? On me.
One, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Berry! Sorry I'm late.
Good God.
What you come as? I'm supposed to be the pitch in' I? Karl's idea.
You alright? Yeah.
Beryl Rogers from Rogers The Gas, have just bought five squares of the pitch for fifty quid a throw.
I think she was drunk but I ain't judgin'! Nadine, I know it's none of my business but I hear you haven't y'know, caught like.
How the hell do you know? I told her.
It took me 18 months to get pregnant with Emma.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
I'm worn out to be honest, Stell.
Yeah, well he always had stamina did Karl I'll give him that.
Just try and relax.
It'll happen.
Thanks.
Cockin' hell! You seen the legs on that? I mean I thought Alan's were good, but them! Back in a minute.
Bet she wishes she never let that one go? Good luck, mate.
Sean? Hiya.
Come on, boys.
Didn't expect to see you here.
Aunty Brenda can be very persuasive.
Right, come on boys.
Oh, Dai! Are you alright, mate? No, my knee.
It's popped.
Alan! Man down, man down.
Eh? Dai Davies has kicked the bucket.
Oh Christ.
His wife.
His kids.
Never mind them.
It's my KNEE! OK.
Bobby - get changed.
No way! Yes way, Bobs.
It's for the club.
Oh, Jessi and all his followers.
Give me strength.
Lloyd.
This was supposed to be across the club.
Don't see many vets on your team.
They've all aged well.
And where's your youth player? That's him.
What?! Puberty hit early! I'm sorry about the other day, with Rob an' that.
It must've been a bit of a shock.
Course it wasn't.
It's what I predicted.
Look Sean, I know how much I hurt you, and I can never be sorry enough I didn't come to your house to talk about you Stella.
Or Rob.
I came to tell you that I've met someone else.
Ref! Gotta go.
Ignore em Bobs.
Go get em tiger! Go on! Go on! Sean's met someone else.
Aw.
Time don't stand still.
I know that more than anyone.
Bloody hell! Where you going? Fishing.
Knock on.
Scrum.
Go, bitch boy, go! Touch.
Lineout there.
What you doin' callin' my Dai "Bitch boy"? It's his pet name - and he LOVES it! Bobby.
get in here.
Me? You, in.
Play.
Just a minute good boy.
What exactly d'you think you're doin? Don't be daft, mun.
Turn round and show us your cheeks.
I beg your pardon? He's putting you up Bob.
Up? Up whe ere! Try there.
We'll have to go for a little celebratory drink after this, Rob.
Seal the deal so to speak.
Lovely.
And your husband, will he be joining us? So, of course today is about fundraising, about a sense of community, it's not about scoring tries.
Atta boy, Dai stuff it to 'em the little shits! Sorry where were we? Excuse me, I better take this.
Hello.
Where are you? Well I'm uh in a meeting.
Well, we're one try up and I don't want to watch the rest on my own OK? OK.
Honestly it's brilliant down here, Rob.
Everyone's behind the whole thing.
And we might just do it y'know.
We might just raise the money and I'll be so bloody proud if we do.
Come and join in.
Be a Pontyberry Boy, Rob.
Rob? I gotta go.
Yeah, OK well if Charmin'! Now if it's not too much trouble, perhaps we can continue.
You need to sign here and here Right.
Seven, eight, nine, ten pounds.
One poun' two Close innit? three, four God, Sunny are you alright? Thought we weren't talking.
Stop being a knob.
You've pissed me off, but you're still my husband.
Come on, let's get you to the ambulance.
Just get me to the bar.
Trust me.
I'm a trainee doctor! Over here, let's rally our boys.
Follow me.
Well, fancy seeing you here.
Let's go, Em.
No way.
This is MY turf.
And she's just made a big mistake.
I've come to support Sunny.
I don't need your "Support".
This has got to stop, Leah.
I take it he's told you then has he? About us? Yeah.
He has.
We kissed.
I know.
Big fucking deal.
Then we slept together.
No we didn't.
You're not enough for him Emma.
He's a medic - what are you? I mean if you hadn't got pregnant d'you really think he'd still be with you? Yeah, I would.
Because she's my wife and I love her.
Come on Sunny, there's no point in pretending anymore.
Emma, let's go He's got a birthmark on his left thigh that looks like a tiny butterfly.
He loved it when I was on top and he said we did things you'd never dream of doing.
Not in a million years.
Didn't we.
D'you think I don't know that, you mentalist.
D'you think me and my husband have got secrets from each other? Well you got a lot to learn about marriage if you think that's the case.
Cos he's told me everything.
Now piss off before I whack you in the chops.
Oh, Sunny.
Penalty.
But he ran into ME! Ben, you alright, mate? Yea.
I'm alright.
Hands off my son, butt.
Crazy Karl here! Who? Calm down Karl.
Calm down.
I'm the captain.
Leave it to me.
What the hell you think you're doing? Hello ladies! Alright? There you go.
Thanks.
I'll bet you're proud as shit of your man, Tan.
Well, yes, I suppose I am.
Aye.
Nice to be in cockin' love innit.
Buddy you're a boy, make a big noise, Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day You got mud on yo' face, You big disgrace Kickin' your can all over the place Singing We will we will rock you We will we will rock you Buddy you're a young man hard man, Gonna take on the world some day.
What sort of fool does he take me for? Publicly humiliating me like this! Tan? Oh, cock.
Keep your hands where I can see em please, lovely boy.
Get showered, get dressed and get home.
I got plans for you.
How did I do? I was impressed.
So who is she then? Katie.
She's Australian.
Wow.
She's asked me to go to Sydney with her.
For a holiday? For good.
Wow again.
I just need to know you're happy.
I need to be sure.
That there are no regrets.
Are you happy? You're the one who was messed around.
I've survived haven't I? Evidently.
Stella, Rob's always let you down.
How d'you know he's not going to do it again? Cos he's proved himself over the past few months.
I hope you're right.
I was about to give up on you.
Oh, don't ever do that.
Listen, I'll be there in half an hour.
I'll get you a little shandy in.
Stella, I've got something I need to tell you.
Go on.
No.
It has to be face to face.
OK! I look forward to it! Please, Em.
Let me in.
How can I say sorry to you from the other side of a bloody door? Com on, babe, you're my girl, you know you are.
Em? A fine game.
No doubt about it.
And in years to come, I'll be able to say "I was there".
You were "There"? I heard you were in the back of the St John's Ambulance for most of it.
Yea, but have we done enough? Cos I couldn't go through that again.
I can't feel my legs and if I turn my neck everything goes black.
Oop, there we go again.
Silence, everyone.
Aunty Brenda has finished the count.
Aunty Brenda? Everybody has given their most.
The hool of Pontyberry have dug deep.
Even George the butcher.
Nobody could ask any more of a community.
Oh, come on Aunty Brenda, did we make it? Not even close.
The hool thing's been a waste of time.
We're short by ten grand.
Ah, well what's the point, we may as well just all kill ourselves and go home.
I'll get you that ten grand.
I'll ask Rob Morgan for it.
Well that won't do any good.
I've already tried.
Yeah, but I haven't.
And he'll do anything for me.
Stella it's Rob who's buildin' the houses.
What? Bollocks.
Melissa told me.
I wanted to keep it from you.
No.
No, you're wrong.
Melissa and him are working on something, yes.
But it's some flats over at Marshfield.
Isn't it, Luke? I don't know nothin about any flats at Marshfield.
That's cos there aren't any! I'm sorry love, but Alan's right.
It's Rob Morgan who's behind this.
Behind what? Well, look who the cat dragged in.
You got a nerve showing your face in here, good boy.
You Judith! Turnin' up from California with your fancy clothes and swanky cars and wot not.
Canada, mun.
Canada.
Can I just say something? Look, I genuinely thought this development was a good opportunity.
Yeah for you maybe! No, for a lot of people actually.
Someone told me recently I'd been away from here for too long and I think they were probably right.
I knew that this rugby club meant a lot to you all.
But I just didn't realise quite how much.
And so I'm sorry.
Yes, well fine words butter no parsnips Robert J Morgan.
That's true.
Which is why - if you let me finish Aunty Brenda, I decided to pull out of the development deal.
Well that's very noble, Rob, but Melissa will just get herself another builder.
With all due respect, you lot are ten a penny.
That's also true.
Except a builder needs land.
And if the land's not available I don't understand.
I'd like to take you up on that offer to become your sponsor, Alan.
I'll buy the lease for the pitch and whatever you raised today can buy some new stands.
Looks like you need them if we're to get this club back on its feet.
So, what d'you say, Alan? Can I be your sponsor? Well, I'd have to ask the committee, naturally, but if we Alan .
.
Yes.
Yes of course.
I knew it, I knew he'd never let us down.
Trusted you all the way.
You or me? Together? Together! Rob! Ohh! What was that for? That was for lying to me.
And that was for saving our club! Always the bloody hero in't he? Oh, I dunno love.
Without you, none of this would have come about.
We have a lot to be grateful for.
Get us a pint of Bow in will you, lover boy? My mouth's like the inside of a bouncer's dap.
OK, you win.
You've discovered my Achilles heel.
What? Acts of overwhelming generosity completely turn me on.
So you're gonna have to shag me now.
Aren't you.
Some people you just think are gonna live for ever don't you.
Like Harry Hill.
Paula? I can't do it Dai.
I don't think I can even look at him.
Get in that bloody car.
Ow! Hey! I want you to come and live with me in Canada.