Still Game (2002) s01e04 Episode Script
Courtin'
1 Out! You're barred! Stick yer pub up yer arse.
How long for? Indefinitely.
What have you still to dae? Get a key cut, bulbs for the hall, a battery for that door bell, a bottle of Windolene, dusters, a belt for the hoover Aye.
PTO.
Wait a minute.
Get a pint.
Oh, aye.
Which will we dae first? What's this shop called? I don't know.
Barry O'Theme's or something.
Shitehole.
Aye.
Here you are, gentlemen.
Top o' the morning to you.
What part of Ireland are you from? Springburn.
What's in the bag? Auld claes for the charity shop.
I hope that big honey's on the day - her with the tits.
Hey! What? Stop that - "the tits".
Righto, gentleman Jack(!) You coming in? No, I'll wait here.
What's up wi' you? You aff tits? Shut up! I'll staund here.
Get in! Hello, my darlin'.
Do you remember us? EhI THINK so.
The patter merchants fae Craigbank.
Oh, yes! How could I forget? Sowhat would you like to give me? A night on the town, cosy meal, bottle of wine, dancing till two A meal, wine and dancing.
I meant in the bag.
That's the mystery, eh? Auld claes.
Excuse us.
What's the score wi' you? What? Where's the old silver tongue, eh? You're sleeping.
"Auld claes" - where's the double act? I cannae be arsed.
Leave her alane.
Leave her? You fancy her! I do not.
Aye, ye dae.
You've taken a beamer.
I havnae.
It's justit's too warm in here.
Why don't you ask her out? She's lovely.
Don't be ridiculous.
It's no' ridiculous.
Just ask her out for a wee meal.
You think? Aye! Forgive me, sweetheart.
We don't even know your name.
Barbara.
Barbaralovely.
My friend has something he'd like to ask you.
Oh? Winston! Have you see Jack anywhere? He flew by here a minute ago without a word.
Right What're ye daein'? Oh, sorry.
This is Chris, Tommo, Dylan, Kylie, and Pat and Tiffany are an item.
What the hell are ye playing at? Och, I'm barred oot the Clansman.
Why don't you get a drink in the hoose? I'm no' drinking at hame on my tod.
Sitting there wi' Jackie Bird staring at you Have you tried this? Skadooba.
Six per cent.
Strawberry Barbados in a bottle.
Why the hell did Bobby bar you? Well, it was over nothing, really.
I said, "Afternoon, Bobby.
Pint of my usual, please.
" But it seems a tad cloudy, so I suggested he rinse his pipes, but Bobby said it wisnae the pipes.
So, I merely suggested that I be furnished with a fresh pint, but for some reason Bobby escorted me oot.
Why not drink in Broons? Last time we were there, somebody got stabbed.
It's full of roasters.
It was 15 year ago, for God's sake! Nae chance! Broons is a toilet.
Coming for a game of Gran Turismo? Maybe we can have a pint in Broons.
Your door was open.
What the hell happened tae ye? I didnae gie a very good impression, did I? Oh, no, you gave a very good impression, Jackof Jesse Owens! Right oot the shopping centre! Aye, wellmy bottle crashed.
I'm past asking anybody oot.
Let's see what we've got here.
Oh, aye.
It was a rare day, that.
What was the name of that big dame there? That's Janet Freel, the spinster that lived up the stair.
Janet Freel Butter wouldnae melt, eh, Jack? Aye.
Did she no' get pumped in the lavvie that day? Aye, it was Winston's faither - dirty old bastard! Aye How long's Jean away now, Jack? In about two weeks it'll be ten year.
Ten year That means my Betty's awaytwelve year.
Aye.
It's racing away fae us noo, eh? Aye.
I cannae be bothered wi' it.
I'm no' going through that again.
Jack, it's no' my place to tell you how long a man should mourn, but ten year.
Ten years is plenty.
Aye.
Going on a date disnae betray Jean's memory.
She'd want you to be happy.
Why don't you get doon that shop, ask that woman oot, eh? Besides thae diddies! Did this no' used to be Broons? That's right.
Changed hands years ago.
Right.
So, what can I do for you, sir? Pint of lager, please.
Jeez, it must be 15 year since I was in here last.
Really? That's £1.
30.
Eh?! £1.
30! Jeezo! Look, a nice, clean pint too.
This is a smashing shop.
Thanks.
That's a message fae Boab Mitchell.
See you in another 15 year.
There you go.
Dae ye mind if I go in myself? Aye, on ye go.
What are ye going to say? I'll say, "Hello, Barbara.
It's me, Jack Nice to see you again.
"I'll be straight with you, Barbara.
"I've admired you for a long timeand we're about the same age "and I wondered, if you're free, if you'd accompany me to a movie show "or a meal or simply a drink.
What do you say?" That's lovely, Jack.
Hello.
Goout? That would be lovely.
When? EhThursday.
Oh, Thursday I generally go out then with my sister.
Oh.
Wait! What about your pal? The four of us could go out.
Aye.
Eh, just a minute.
How'd you get on? How'd WE get on! She said aye AND she's a sister! They're no' coming.
They've gied us a dissy.
Relax.
They'll be here.
It'll be that bus'll be bloody late.
Aye, that bastard that drives at two miles an hour because he's blind.
Here we go.
Are ye nervous? Nervous? Aye, I'm nervous.
I've every right to be.
I havenae a clue what this sister looks like.
This is bloody torture.
Hello, Jack.
Hello, Victor.
This is my sister Edith.
Two pints, sir.
Ehwho's the other one for? Me.
What a drouth I've got.
I'm mad with the thirst.
Like a sandal.
An arab sandal, aye.
I'm bone dry.
Is that a bottle needing changed? Here, Winston, quick! You'll get me barred too.
Cheers.
That's smashing.
Why no' just apologise? He can whistle for it! I'm fine oot here.
Tell Big Arthur to sit doon and I can see the fitba.
Hello, lads.
Hi, Winston.
Oh.
Hello-o-o, ladies! I'm Winston.
Hello, Winston.
Are you still barred? Aye.
Which unlucky bastard is stuck with the munchkin? That's it! Where are YOU going? Hame.
I'm no' sitting with THAT.
You're leaving me with the two women?! I only saw one woman.
I don't know what the other one is.
A munchkin.
Shut up! Come on.
Gie it a chance.
Bail me out.
Right.
You owe me.
Aye, aye, aye.
Are you wanting anything brought out? A bag of nuts.
Nuts, right.
Big bag or a wee bag? A wee bag.
Just like Victor's.
Victor, Jack.
What are youse daein' in at this time? We're out with friends, if it's your business.
When will you let Winston in? When he apologises.
Aren't yougoing to introduce me? No! Certainly.
Barbara.
Hello.
Hello, Barbara.
And Edith.
Victor Oops-a-daisy! Whit are youse for? Our usual.
Barbara? Gin and tonic, please.
Edith? GRAVELLY VOICE: Pint of Guinness.
I'llbring them over.
Right.
Tam, Arthur, Eric.
What's the score? 2-1 Chelsea.
BANGING Move ower! Are you apologising? There's your apology, ye prick! You're still barred.
So, is this your local? Aye, we've been coming here long and weary.
Edith so, do you work in the shop with Barbara? No.
So So.
So? So I dae alterations and that.
Sewing.
£6.
80.
Ye might want to alter HIS prices! EDITH BRAYS With Edith daein' alterations, she might want to alter the prices.
Aye, good.
Hurdy, gurdy, gurdy In the windae boxes There's your bus now, aye.
That was lovely, Jack.
Aye, I had a lovely time.
Youse are good company.
I'm just saying, Victor, good company.
Aye, good company.
Right.
See you soon, then, Jack.
There ye are, then.
Good night.
So, whit's your next move? Och, I don't know.
If she phones me, I'll take it from there.
Will you be seeing? No! I didnae think so.
THEY SIGH Oh, you beautiful doll You great big beautiful doll DOORBELL RINGS Oh.
Victor.
Hi, Victor.
Hi, Jack.
It's Sunday morning.
Let's fatten up thae ducks.
EhI cannae.
Whit are ye talking aboot? It's park day.
C'mon.
Well, actually, I'm going doon the park wi' Barbara.
Oh, right.
So, eh See you after.
Enjoy yerself.
LIVELY JAZZ Thank you.
A toast.
Here's to us, Jack.
SPEECH DROWNED BY MUSIC Eggstoilet roll Just the one big Kit-Kat? What of it? You normally get two - one for you, one for Jack.
We dinnae dae everything together.
We aren'tjoined at the hip.
Fall-oot? You cannae afford to fall oot at your age.
Why's that, Trisha? You're old men.
You could die in the night and then you'd be in separate worlds.
£2.
20.
Hello, Victor.
Jeez! Hello, Isa.
Where's your wee pal the day? They fell oot.
Oh! We havnae fallen oot.
Lucky Donkey.
Oh, me and all.
Ye'll be lost wi' Jack tripping the light fantastic wi' that Barbara.
No, Isa, good luck to them.
Two Donkeys.
Victor, I've got something tae tell ye.
What is it, Isa? This Barbara, well, she's Let me guess.
She's the Black Widow.
No! She's Junkie.
She's a lap dancer at a bad club, firing ping-pong balls oot the duff.
That's a cracker! With the duff Pong-pong-pong! You know I don't like gossip Aye, ye dae.
I was at the doctor this morning - women's troubles - and Ailsa Clark's there She's got angina, right enough.
Wee soul, her living alone Her daughter works in the Tesco's and the manager's Alec Wilson.
Everybody thought he was gay, but he wisnae.
He started a Saturday boy - nice boy, bad wi' the acne - and he's pally with Norma Flynn's boy, with the hair like a claw - the weans called him Rab The Crab, mind? His girlfriend's mother was throwing oot an auld tea set, so she gied it tae Rab to take up to the charity shop, but Rab says, "Haud on a minute.
"I wash that woman's man's car.
I'll take it up myself.
" So he does, but she's no' in, so her MAN takes in the tea set.
WHOSE man took in the tea set? Barbara's man.
She's married.
Have you, eh? I have, aye.
So have I.
So, how many books did you get? Eh, two.
Just one each? That's no' very much.
Any mair and ye'll be busier than a one-armed cabby with crabs.
I'll get the coffees.
Right you are.
Winston? Why are you here? Naewhere else to go.
You're a dab hand at that.
Aye, well, that's a week oot the Clansman.
A week already? Aye.
Longest week of my life.
Today I did the crossword, learned chess and did some wallpapering before my first shite of the day.
You missed yerself the other night.
Big Tony's steaming drunk and shouting, "I can juggle.
" Eventually, a few of us said we'd buy him a drink if he COULD juggle.
He's full of that Aftershock stuff.
He's up on a stool and they're all going, "Tony! Tony!" Aye, ye never really missed yerself.
It was a lot of shite.
Did you see Larry Hagman on Lorraine Kelly? No.
I did.
Looking his age, isn't he? Is he, aye? I thought he looked after his self.
You want to get yourself back to the Clansman.
I see you're with Boobra.
Barbara! Whatever.
Are you still seeing Victor? Aye.
No.
Giving him a wide berth now, eh? That's poor.
What? Leaving Victor hung out to dry.
If I was getting hole flung at me, I'd be distracted, but he's yer pal.
Hey, hey! It's no' like that wi' me and Barbara.
We'recompanions.
The queue was murder! Hello, there.
Winston, isn't it? Hello, hen.
Full house! (Jammy cow.
) Right, that's me off, ladies.
Goodbye.
Jack.
Barbara.
Bye.
I've got a clarinet lesson at two.
It's all aboot where you put your fingers.
Ahem! Oh, hello, Victor.
Hello, Barbara.
Cloudy the day, isn't it? Aye.
I want my pal back.
What do you mean? You know fine.
You've no right being wi' him.
You're married.
Oh.
Right.
That.
What d'you think you're playing at? Jack's been widowed ten year.
Ye cannae tinker with his feelings.
The last thing I was going to dae was hurt Jack.
He's great company, and that's all there is tae it.
What does your hubby think of that? DOOR OPENS He disnae know.
Disnae know what? Eh, disnae know what tae charge for cardigans.
What are you doing in here, anyway? Just bringing in mair claes.
Barbara, how's this for tonight? Peppered steaks.
Tonight? Och, you've got other plans.
No, no.
Tonight would be fine.
Smashing.
What about you, Victor? Eh? I thought us three could have a nosh-up.
No, you dae your thing Three's a crowd, Jack.
I was always going to ask you, like.
What's for pudding - gooseberries? Aye, well Exhibit A.
Read 'em and weep! Three juicy steaks.
How about it? Aye, all right.
Aye.
Good! Is there sugar in this, Jack? Aye, there will be.
Barbara takes sugar in tea.
Sorry.
I saw Winston earlier on.
Aye? He's still barred oot the Clansman.
Really? You're awfy quiet.
Nae reason.
Are ye in the huff cos of me and Barbara? No, it's It's no' that.
Well, what is it, then? I've something to tell you, Jack.
I'm your pal, and you need to know.
Sit doon.
PHONE RINGS 9135? Oh, hello, Barbara.
Yes.
Where are you? Well, how? Oh, I see.
No, not at all, no.
Well, I'll see you Oh, right.
Oh.
Well, that's Not at all, no.
Not at all.
Well, eh, look after yourself, then, Barbara.
All the best.
Yes.
You too.
Bye, now.
That was Barbara.
Aye.
She'll no' be coming.
No.
Said she's I know.
I'm sorry, Jack.
That's all right, Victor.
That's all right.
Cheers.
INDISTINCT CHATTER That was a rare meal, Jack boy! I am stuffed! Me an' all.
I'm full.
I see youse two are pally again.
Winston? You'll blow my cover.
Two pints, Bobby! (Three pints.
) Eh, three pints! What the hell are you playing at? He's no' winning.
I'm the perfect customer.
He'll be none the wiser.
And naebody's tippled? Youse two didnae.
Here youse go, boys.
There ye are, mate.
You dirty bastard! That's what I mean.
That's a bloody disgrace! I knew that would work, ye daft tit! Who would drink that pint there, Bobby? Watch me! Here!
How long for? Indefinitely.
What have you still to dae? Get a key cut, bulbs for the hall, a battery for that door bell, a bottle of Windolene, dusters, a belt for the hoover Aye.
PTO.
Wait a minute.
Get a pint.
Oh, aye.
Which will we dae first? What's this shop called? I don't know.
Barry O'Theme's or something.
Shitehole.
Aye.
Here you are, gentlemen.
Top o' the morning to you.
What part of Ireland are you from? Springburn.
What's in the bag? Auld claes for the charity shop.
I hope that big honey's on the day - her with the tits.
Hey! What? Stop that - "the tits".
Righto, gentleman Jack(!) You coming in? No, I'll wait here.
What's up wi' you? You aff tits? Shut up! I'll staund here.
Get in! Hello, my darlin'.
Do you remember us? EhI THINK so.
The patter merchants fae Craigbank.
Oh, yes! How could I forget? Sowhat would you like to give me? A night on the town, cosy meal, bottle of wine, dancing till two A meal, wine and dancing.
I meant in the bag.
That's the mystery, eh? Auld claes.
Excuse us.
What's the score wi' you? What? Where's the old silver tongue, eh? You're sleeping.
"Auld claes" - where's the double act? I cannae be arsed.
Leave her alane.
Leave her? You fancy her! I do not.
Aye, ye dae.
You've taken a beamer.
I havnae.
It's justit's too warm in here.
Why don't you ask her out? She's lovely.
Don't be ridiculous.
It's no' ridiculous.
Just ask her out for a wee meal.
You think? Aye! Forgive me, sweetheart.
We don't even know your name.
Barbara.
Barbaralovely.
My friend has something he'd like to ask you.
Oh? Winston! Have you see Jack anywhere? He flew by here a minute ago without a word.
Right What're ye daein'? Oh, sorry.
This is Chris, Tommo, Dylan, Kylie, and Pat and Tiffany are an item.
What the hell are ye playing at? Och, I'm barred oot the Clansman.
Why don't you get a drink in the hoose? I'm no' drinking at hame on my tod.
Sitting there wi' Jackie Bird staring at you Have you tried this? Skadooba.
Six per cent.
Strawberry Barbados in a bottle.
Why the hell did Bobby bar you? Well, it was over nothing, really.
I said, "Afternoon, Bobby.
Pint of my usual, please.
" But it seems a tad cloudy, so I suggested he rinse his pipes, but Bobby said it wisnae the pipes.
So, I merely suggested that I be furnished with a fresh pint, but for some reason Bobby escorted me oot.
Why not drink in Broons? Last time we were there, somebody got stabbed.
It's full of roasters.
It was 15 year ago, for God's sake! Nae chance! Broons is a toilet.
Coming for a game of Gran Turismo? Maybe we can have a pint in Broons.
Your door was open.
What the hell happened tae ye? I didnae gie a very good impression, did I? Oh, no, you gave a very good impression, Jackof Jesse Owens! Right oot the shopping centre! Aye, wellmy bottle crashed.
I'm past asking anybody oot.
Let's see what we've got here.
Oh, aye.
It was a rare day, that.
What was the name of that big dame there? That's Janet Freel, the spinster that lived up the stair.
Janet Freel Butter wouldnae melt, eh, Jack? Aye.
Did she no' get pumped in the lavvie that day? Aye, it was Winston's faither - dirty old bastard! Aye How long's Jean away now, Jack? In about two weeks it'll be ten year.
Ten year That means my Betty's awaytwelve year.
Aye.
It's racing away fae us noo, eh? Aye.
I cannae be bothered wi' it.
I'm no' going through that again.
Jack, it's no' my place to tell you how long a man should mourn, but ten year.
Ten years is plenty.
Aye.
Going on a date disnae betray Jean's memory.
She'd want you to be happy.
Why don't you get doon that shop, ask that woman oot, eh? Besides thae diddies! Did this no' used to be Broons? That's right.
Changed hands years ago.
Right.
So, what can I do for you, sir? Pint of lager, please.
Jeez, it must be 15 year since I was in here last.
Really? That's £1.
30.
Eh?! £1.
30! Jeezo! Look, a nice, clean pint too.
This is a smashing shop.
Thanks.
That's a message fae Boab Mitchell.
See you in another 15 year.
There you go.
Dae ye mind if I go in myself? Aye, on ye go.
What are ye going to say? I'll say, "Hello, Barbara.
It's me, Jack Nice to see you again.
"I'll be straight with you, Barbara.
"I've admired you for a long timeand we're about the same age "and I wondered, if you're free, if you'd accompany me to a movie show "or a meal or simply a drink.
What do you say?" That's lovely, Jack.
Hello.
Goout? That would be lovely.
When? EhThursday.
Oh, Thursday I generally go out then with my sister.
Oh.
Wait! What about your pal? The four of us could go out.
Aye.
Eh, just a minute.
How'd you get on? How'd WE get on! She said aye AND she's a sister! They're no' coming.
They've gied us a dissy.
Relax.
They'll be here.
It'll be that bus'll be bloody late.
Aye, that bastard that drives at two miles an hour because he's blind.
Here we go.
Are ye nervous? Nervous? Aye, I'm nervous.
I've every right to be.
I havenae a clue what this sister looks like.
This is bloody torture.
Hello, Jack.
Hello, Victor.
This is my sister Edith.
Two pints, sir.
Ehwho's the other one for? Me.
What a drouth I've got.
I'm mad with the thirst.
Like a sandal.
An arab sandal, aye.
I'm bone dry.
Is that a bottle needing changed? Here, Winston, quick! You'll get me barred too.
Cheers.
That's smashing.
Why no' just apologise? He can whistle for it! I'm fine oot here.
Tell Big Arthur to sit doon and I can see the fitba.
Hello, lads.
Hi, Winston.
Oh.
Hello-o-o, ladies! I'm Winston.
Hello, Winston.
Are you still barred? Aye.
Which unlucky bastard is stuck with the munchkin? That's it! Where are YOU going? Hame.
I'm no' sitting with THAT.
You're leaving me with the two women?! I only saw one woman.
I don't know what the other one is.
A munchkin.
Shut up! Come on.
Gie it a chance.
Bail me out.
Right.
You owe me.
Aye, aye, aye.
Are you wanting anything brought out? A bag of nuts.
Nuts, right.
Big bag or a wee bag? A wee bag.
Just like Victor's.
Victor, Jack.
What are youse daein' in at this time? We're out with friends, if it's your business.
When will you let Winston in? When he apologises.
Aren't yougoing to introduce me? No! Certainly.
Barbara.
Hello.
Hello, Barbara.
And Edith.
Victor Oops-a-daisy! Whit are youse for? Our usual.
Barbara? Gin and tonic, please.
Edith? GRAVELLY VOICE: Pint of Guinness.
I'llbring them over.
Right.
Tam, Arthur, Eric.
What's the score? 2-1 Chelsea.
BANGING Move ower! Are you apologising? There's your apology, ye prick! You're still barred.
So, is this your local? Aye, we've been coming here long and weary.
Edith so, do you work in the shop with Barbara? No.
So So.
So? So I dae alterations and that.
Sewing.
£6.
80.
Ye might want to alter HIS prices! EDITH BRAYS With Edith daein' alterations, she might want to alter the prices.
Aye, good.
Hurdy, gurdy, gurdy In the windae boxes There's your bus now, aye.
That was lovely, Jack.
Aye, I had a lovely time.
Youse are good company.
I'm just saying, Victor, good company.
Aye, good company.
Right.
See you soon, then, Jack.
There ye are, then.
Good night.
So, whit's your next move? Och, I don't know.
If she phones me, I'll take it from there.
Will you be seeing? No! I didnae think so.
THEY SIGH Oh, you beautiful doll You great big beautiful doll DOORBELL RINGS Oh.
Victor.
Hi, Victor.
Hi, Jack.
It's Sunday morning.
Let's fatten up thae ducks.
EhI cannae.
Whit are ye talking aboot? It's park day.
C'mon.
Well, actually, I'm going doon the park wi' Barbara.
Oh, right.
So, eh See you after.
Enjoy yerself.
LIVELY JAZZ Thank you.
A toast.
Here's to us, Jack.
SPEECH DROWNED BY MUSIC Eggstoilet roll Just the one big Kit-Kat? What of it? You normally get two - one for you, one for Jack.
We dinnae dae everything together.
We aren'tjoined at the hip.
Fall-oot? You cannae afford to fall oot at your age.
Why's that, Trisha? You're old men.
You could die in the night and then you'd be in separate worlds.
£2.
20.
Hello, Victor.
Jeez! Hello, Isa.
Where's your wee pal the day? They fell oot.
Oh! We havnae fallen oot.
Lucky Donkey.
Oh, me and all.
Ye'll be lost wi' Jack tripping the light fantastic wi' that Barbara.
No, Isa, good luck to them.
Two Donkeys.
Victor, I've got something tae tell ye.
What is it, Isa? This Barbara, well, she's Let me guess.
She's the Black Widow.
No! She's Junkie.
She's a lap dancer at a bad club, firing ping-pong balls oot the duff.
That's a cracker! With the duff Pong-pong-pong! You know I don't like gossip Aye, ye dae.
I was at the doctor this morning - women's troubles - and Ailsa Clark's there She's got angina, right enough.
Wee soul, her living alone Her daughter works in the Tesco's and the manager's Alec Wilson.
Everybody thought he was gay, but he wisnae.
He started a Saturday boy - nice boy, bad wi' the acne - and he's pally with Norma Flynn's boy, with the hair like a claw - the weans called him Rab The Crab, mind? His girlfriend's mother was throwing oot an auld tea set, so she gied it tae Rab to take up to the charity shop, but Rab says, "Haud on a minute.
"I wash that woman's man's car.
I'll take it up myself.
" So he does, but she's no' in, so her MAN takes in the tea set.
WHOSE man took in the tea set? Barbara's man.
She's married.
Have you, eh? I have, aye.
So have I.
So, how many books did you get? Eh, two.
Just one each? That's no' very much.
Any mair and ye'll be busier than a one-armed cabby with crabs.
I'll get the coffees.
Right you are.
Winston? Why are you here? Naewhere else to go.
You're a dab hand at that.
Aye, well, that's a week oot the Clansman.
A week already? Aye.
Longest week of my life.
Today I did the crossword, learned chess and did some wallpapering before my first shite of the day.
You missed yerself the other night.
Big Tony's steaming drunk and shouting, "I can juggle.
" Eventually, a few of us said we'd buy him a drink if he COULD juggle.
He's full of that Aftershock stuff.
He's up on a stool and they're all going, "Tony! Tony!" Aye, ye never really missed yerself.
It was a lot of shite.
Did you see Larry Hagman on Lorraine Kelly? No.
I did.
Looking his age, isn't he? Is he, aye? I thought he looked after his self.
You want to get yourself back to the Clansman.
I see you're with Boobra.
Barbara! Whatever.
Are you still seeing Victor? Aye.
No.
Giving him a wide berth now, eh? That's poor.
What? Leaving Victor hung out to dry.
If I was getting hole flung at me, I'd be distracted, but he's yer pal.
Hey, hey! It's no' like that wi' me and Barbara.
We'recompanions.
The queue was murder! Hello, there.
Winston, isn't it? Hello, hen.
Full house! (Jammy cow.
) Right, that's me off, ladies.
Goodbye.
Jack.
Barbara.
Bye.
I've got a clarinet lesson at two.
It's all aboot where you put your fingers.
Ahem! Oh, hello, Victor.
Hello, Barbara.
Cloudy the day, isn't it? Aye.
I want my pal back.
What do you mean? You know fine.
You've no right being wi' him.
You're married.
Oh.
Right.
That.
What d'you think you're playing at? Jack's been widowed ten year.
Ye cannae tinker with his feelings.
The last thing I was going to dae was hurt Jack.
He's great company, and that's all there is tae it.
What does your hubby think of that? DOOR OPENS He disnae know.
Disnae know what? Eh, disnae know what tae charge for cardigans.
What are you doing in here, anyway? Just bringing in mair claes.
Barbara, how's this for tonight? Peppered steaks.
Tonight? Och, you've got other plans.
No, no.
Tonight would be fine.
Smashing.
What about you, Victor? Eh? I thought us three could have a nosh-up.
No, you dae your thing Three's a crowd, Jack.
I was always going to ask you, like.
What's for pudding - gooseberries? Aye, well Exhibit A.
Read 'em and weep! Three juicy steaks.
How about it? Aye, all right.
Aye.
Good! Is there sugar in this, Jack? Aye, there will be.
Barbara takes sugar in tea.
Sorry.
I saw Winston earlier on.
Aye? He's still barred oot the Clansman.
Really? You're awfy quiet.
Nae reason.
Are ye in the huff cos of me and Barbara? No, it's It's no' that.
Well, what is it, then? I've something to tell you, Jack.
I'm your pal, and you need to know.
Sit doon.
PHONE RINGS 9135? Oh, hello, Barbara.
Yes.
Where are you? Well, how? Oh, I see.
No, not at all, no.
Well, I'll see you Oh, right.
Oh.
Well, that's Not at all, no.
Not at all.
Well, eh, look after yourself, then, Barbara.
All the best.
Yes.
You too.
Bye, now.
That was Barbara.
Aye.
She'll no' be coming.
No.
Said she's I know.
I'm sorry, Jack.
That's all right, Victor.
That's all right.
Cheers.
INDISTINCT CHATTER That was a rare meal, Jack boy! I am stuffed! Me an' all.
I'm full.
I see youse two are pally again.
Winston? You'll blow my cover.
Two pints, Bobby! (Three pints.
) Eh, three pints! What the hell are you playing at? He's no' winning.
I'm the perfect customer.
He'll be none the wiser.
And naebody's tippled? Youse two didnae.
Here youse go, boys.
There ye are, mate.
You dirty bastard! That's what I mean.
That's a bloody disgrace! I knew that would work, ye daft tit! Who would drink that pint there, Bobby? Watch me! Here!