Stuck in the Middle (2016) s02e15 Episode Script

Stuck with a Dangerous House

1 Okay, who broke what? No, we're just helping with the laundry.
- Like we do.
- Because we love to.
Oh, man, whatever they broke is gonna cost at least a grand.
Everything's fine.
But if you wanted to say thanks, you could let us go to the big concert on the pier next Thursday.
Rocking On Water.
All the biggest bands in Boston, one night only.
This is the most exciting thing to happen in Marshport since the Shoe Outlet opened on Route Two.
Thursday, as in school night Thursday? - No.
- No?! But it's going to be the most amazing night ev Ooh, paisley knee sock.
Give me some love.
I'm sorry, but I don't like the idea of you girls on the pier at night; it's not safe.
There's plenty of dangers you should be more worried about at home.
Even the playhouse Daphne sleeps in has been pulled off the market.
BOTH: What? Yeah, I printed out the recall notice for you last week.
That roof can collapse at any time.
Everybody step off.
That playhouse is mine.
Not anymore.
This roof could fall in.
- Says who? - Harley.
She saw a recall.
Thanks Harley.
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) I feel like you don't really mean thanks.
But where's Daphne supposed to sleep? In the middle of the hall? I sleepwalk.
She'll have a fat lip, and I'll have a broken ankle.
Good point.
She'll sleep in the bed that pulls out from under Rachel's.
The bed below the real bed? I've said it before.
I don't do trundles.
You've been sleeping in a dog bed.
This is a step up.
At least the trundle's meant for humans.
Thanks, Georgie.
- Is your heart racing? - Oh, yeah.
One small problem with the trundle bed.
TOM: A shoe caddy? I needed sandal space, so I gave away the mattress.
You literally always say we should donate what we don't need.
That is literally so generous.
I guess you girls will have to figure out who's sleeping in the shoe caddy.
Thanks, Rachel.
Are the hairs standing up on the back of your BOTH: Yes.
Now a furious Daphne's moving into our room.
And Mom and Dad think a concert would be dangerous? See you tonight roomies.
- (DOOR SLAMS) - Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Tryin' to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you You and ya brotha, sista and your motha Mean streets is where I'm from I'mma ridin' till I'm done Comin' at you from L.
Clear the set.
I'm trying to film something to post on my new E-town McMoney channel.
Hey, Lewie and I are doing important work, too.
We're looking for garbage so gross, it'll make you hurl.
Like our TV hero, Dumpster Jack.
You can't just wear the Jack suit.
You need to earn the Jack suit.
Hey, can you film us holding this rotten turkey leg to put on Dumpster Jack's channel? We posted there last week, and 832 people liked it.
832?! The most I've gotten is like five, and I come from a family of nine.
You're obviously not eating the right garbage.
But you are.
You guys should launch your own channel.
I'll be the director, you'll be the stars.
We'll call it Trash Twins.
Our own channel? And somebody to document our rise to garbage glory? - When do we start? - Now.
Let's hit the bins.
Actually, let me change first.
E-town McMoney's saggy pants are actually Dad's dress jeans.
Daphne's moving in tonight, so stash anything you love in a safe spot.
Like if you were expecting a tornado or an angry bear.
Hopefully, she won't sniff this out.
I'm leaving all the cheap stuff on the dresser as a decoy.
HARLEY: Forget makeup; Daphne's going to want revenge.
We should probably sleep in shifts - so someone can keep an eye on her.
- Oh, totally.
Last time she was mad at me, I fell asleep and woke up with no eyebrows.
Yeah, that wasn't so terrible.
They needed maintenance.
Hey, sisters.
Hit the deck! I get it.
You thought I'd be mad.
I'm not.
Okay, what's in the suitcase? Spiders, rats? Just get it over with.
Hit the deck! Me and Deathnee realized it would be fun to be part of the big girls' room.
Now, can someone please help me get the dog bed I sleep in? I like to have head on pillow by 8:00.
She hasn't moved for hours.
She's gotta be dead or asleep.
Either way, she won't be shaving our eyebrows.
Should we shave hers? Strike first? We don't need to.
Turns out the Daphne monster was mostly in our minds, which is good, because I have the perfect plan on how to sneak out for the concert next week.
Here it is.
We wait till everyone goes to sleep, and then we put on all black.
It's not only stylish; it's good for sneaking.
Ooh, nice and crispy, like I like.
Hey, that's mine.
Not anymore.
You can't just I can just anything I want unless you want me to tell Mom and Dad a few things.
Things? What things? There's a lot of interesting stuff that goes on in your room at night when you're supposed to be sleeping.
Harley's using outside tools inside.
Rachel's making church clothes into party clothes.
And Georgie's racking up charges playing fantasy softball with her pals in England.
You want more bacon? I'll make you more bacon.
You obviously don't know the code of room sharing, but what happens in the sisters' room stays in the sisters' room.
DAPHNE: Yeah, that's over.
Now we all live by another code.
The "do what Daphne wants or else" code.
Not the best name, but I'm not looking to impress you.
Daphne, I'm sorry your playhouse got taken away, but we didn't do it on purpose.
Why do you have to go all gangster on us? I'm the last man in the room, and the youngest.
I don't want the sticky drawers, the broken hangers, the trundle bed.
I'm used to a certain standard of living.
Your house was two feet away from the toilet.
I'm going upstairs to see which of your beds Deathnee and I like best.
And now, I'm starting with yours.
Mom and Dad seem like such nice people.
How did they produce that? Guys, she's trying to rattle us.
We just need to let her settle in, then she'll back off and leave us alone.
Hmm? Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah Someone's in the kitchen, I know, I know Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah Strummin' on the old banjo Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah Someone's in the kitchen, I know, I know Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah (LIP SYNCING) Strummin' on the old banjo Fie, fi, fiddly I oh Fie, fi, fiddly I oh - Fie, fi, fiddly I oh - RACHEL: We're done here.
What? See, here's the basic blueprint for Daphne's playhouse.
If I simply make a hinge from here to here, ta-da, faulty roof problem fixed.
Ta-da! Daphne goes back to her playhouse.
Ta-da! I stop having to be a part of things where we say "ta-da!" I'm really sorry, girls, but it's too late.
Your dad already got rid of the house.
- It's gone.
- Seriously? It takes him until April to get rid of the old Christmas tree, but he does this in a day? Ta-da! Sorry, but it's probably for the best.
It's time Daphne grew up and stopped sleeping in there.
This is just another Diaz happy accident.
Once again, life steps in to make us much better parents than we are.
Life is our co-parent.
I don't need a third parent or a fourth roommate.
Sorry, life, Daphne's going back to that playhouse.
And now, the Trash Twins bring you found finger food of the week.
You know pig in a blanket.
Get ready for pickle in a jacket.
This is your basic dill wrapped in strawberry fruit leather, but use whatever flavor you have handy.
Have fun with it.
How is it, Beast? Fantastic! Well, that's our show, folks.
Till next time, Trash Twins are out.
Guys, our channel is blowing up.
I know.
We're total rock stars at school.
A third grader asked me to sign her banana peel.
And then she asked me to eat it.
- Let's go ride bikes.
- Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're hot.
If we wanna keep this momentum going, we've gotta create fresh content.
But Arnie Kaplan's brother built a bike jump so awesome, three kids already broke their arms.
People are waiting to see what the Trash Twins do next.
Do you want a broken arm, or 1,000 more followers? I checked every toy store everywhere.
Unless you're up for a road trip to Saskatchewan, Daphne's dollhouse is sold out.
Found it! Right here in town.
It's at Cush's Toy Store.
Cush's? How far is Saskatchewan? Why? What's the problem? Our family may have a bit of a reputation with Mr.
Cush when it comes to returning toys.
BEAST: Hey, it came out of the box that way.
DAPHNE: It didn't say you couldn't put this in the oven.
LEWIE: Manufacturing error.
Cush will never sell it to us once he sees we're a Diaz.
Lucky for us, there's one Diaz he doesn't know.
One who is such a people pleaser, she's never returned anything in her life.
I'd like to say that's not me, but I'm too much of a people pleaser to disagree.
Oh, yeah, really dip that chocolate doughnut into the clam chowder.
I want to feel the whole choca-clam doughnut mush.
Dude, we've been at this for hours! Even the best garbage doesn't taste good after a while.
Yeah, and those peanut butter oysters are starting to swim their way back up.
Can't do this anymore.
We quit.
No, no, no.
You can't quit.
Um, hang on.
New plan.
What if you don't actually eat? What if we use camera tricks to fool the audience into thinking you're eating? Isn't that cheating? No, it's movie magic.
Do you think they actually built an amusement park with cloned dinosaurs? No.
Do you think they can by the time we turn 18? We had a trip planned.
Watch and learn.
This is how you're gonna fool the general public.
Good job.
Good job.
Okay, just go up and ask for the playhouse.
Don't mention any of our names.
Especially Diaz.
Don't even say the letter "D.
" I got this.
I'm good.
I'm not, but the people pleaser me doesn't want you to know.
Then the people pleaser needs to please me and stop talking.
I'm nobody.
Do you have the Teeny Tots Country Cottage? Oh, that's a hot item.
We've only got one left.
Oh, it's my lucky Diaz.
I mean day.
I'm so excited, I can Harley stand it.
I mean hardly.
Just give me the playhouse, and I'll Beast outta your hair.
Be out of your hair.
Okay, you got me, Mr.
I'm Georgie Diaz from the Diaz family.
I'm Duncan Gloverman from the temp agency.
Cush went to lunch.
In that case, can I get the house? Quickly.
I don't want to bother Mr.
Cush while he's Ethan.
I mean eating.
Here it is.
You look at this and see a little plastic house.
I look at this and see A miracle! Adios, Daphne.
Here we come! Your brand-new, really hard to get up the stairs playhouse! I just need to hang up the curtains, but it's exactly the same as your old one.
Minus the roof that can flatten you like a pancake.
I don't like it.
Just to be clear, I am not going back to return this.
Hey, Daphne, you're missing out on a pretty great tea party.
All the headless dolls keep asking where you are.
(DOOR OPENS) RACHEL: This is so fun.
I'd live here if I could.
You should.
It would give us more space in the room.
Is it the dolls? I know they're creepy, but in our defense, those are yours.
They are; the house isn't.
It's exactly the same.
No, it's not.
Where's the dent from the pumpkin Lewie threw at Beast? Or the chip where Ethan lost a tooth? Or the hole from the time Georgie tried to roller skate? That's what our family does to stuff.
We wreck it.
Those are Diaz defects.
This one's perfect.
Not to me.
Hang on.
The defects are what she likes? Why? I guess the holes, the dents, the dings, those are her memories.
I had no idea Daphne had such sentimental feelings.
Or feelings.
There goes my evil robot theory.
I did a terrible thing.
Because of me, Dad got rid of Daphne's playhouse.
I had no idea she was so attached to it.
Here, eat this.
I already said I did a terrible thing.
You don't need to poison me.
No, it's fine.
Thanks to a little food coloring, I've recreated the perfect moldy green.
Luckily, we have a lot of examples in our fridge.
Cool, huh? Hello?! BFTF, feeling sad here.
Where's the love? I don't know where the love is, but the playhouse is sitting in the dumpster - in an alley behind the Sheltons' house.
- What?! Yeah, I saw it when I was scouting locations.
You think Dad's gonna go all the way to the dump when he can unload it a block away? Yes! Okay, let me talk you through the "garbage food" you're gonna eat.
Today's menu features a moldy bologna sandwich, but don't worry.
The green is just kale juice.
Still gross, but you'll be able to keep it down.
Boy, fooling the general public is a lot easier than it seems.
Yeah, that general public is pretty dumb.
MAN: Where are my Trash Twins at? That sounds like BOTH: Dumpster Jack!! Hey, little Jacks.
A bunch of fans turned me on to your channel.
I was in the area and figured we could do dunch.
That's dumpster lunch for the insiders.
(FORCED CHUCKLE) Would you believe that we already filled up on "dreakfast"? Yeah, that's not a word.
Don't the Sheltons raise chickens? I really hope so.
The alternative is too scary to consider.
Sorry, but I'm gonna say no to getting in that thing.
I don't have whole outfits I can just throw away like you guys.
You can stand there clean, or get in here, get Daphne's playhouse back, and maybe go to the Rocking On Water concert tomorrow night.
But if you tell anyone this story, change my name.
Dumpster Jack and the Trash Twins.
Gonna be epic.
Now, who's ready to make a dumpster cry uncle? (WEAKLY) We are.
Who needs a dumpster? We got some spontaneous garbage right here.
Really authentic fridge mold.
Mmm eww! Look at that green.
(MAKING RETCHING SOUNDS) Hey, guest gets first bite.
Appreciate the hospitality, but I drove by a dumpster on my way here that I could smell from Ducksberg.
Let's shoot there.
Last piece! It's gonna be a while before I can eat chicken again.
Or anything.
Hey! There's my roller skate dent.
It does bring back memories.
Oh, man.
Someone beat us to our dumpster.
- That's our sisters.
- Nice.
The family that dives together thrives together.
Dumpster's all yours, boys.
We gotta get this thing home.
Taking your meal to go.
Very smart.
If you're trying to lead me into the woods and leave me there, you should know, I'm like a bloodhound.
I'll find my way back and end your world.
Which is one of the reasons we don't want you in our room anymore.
It's your old house.
I reinforced it, so it's safe.
See? It has a flip-top roof.
We know you love it.
In case you get teary.
"Thanks"? That's it? I'm covered in cock-a-doodle doo-doo.
You three are the reason I lost my house.
Now it's back.
What do you expect, a parade? Okay, not the warm, fuzzy moment I expected, but we have our room back.
I can still smell you.
Move along.
We're going to have to eat real trash.
This wasn't the plan, Ethan.
It's hard-boiled.
I can't say how long ago, but that's what makes great TV.
Start rolling.
Beast is typically more of the egg man in this operation.
Yeah, I've been meaning to let you in on that fun.
Go for it.
If I hadn't seen all your videos, I'd think that you guys didn't want to eat that egg.
Nooooo! Look at you.
This family just gets better and better.
Stand back.
I'm a-divin'.
Did you use a camera trick to eat that? Because you really look like you're about to barf.
Oh, I am, but I got you guys into this mess.
I couldn't watch you look bad in front of Dumpster Jack.
He's your hero.
He's not our only hero.
Getting teary.
Then again, that may be the kickback from the egg.
Bonus! Old Chinese food.
And this place was closed for health violations.
Who's in? Tell Mom and Dad I love them.
Ethan, no.
The truth is, Dumpster Jack, our taste for garbage died many days ago.
We're frauds.
We don't deserve to wear these overalls.
Go easy on yourselves, little dudes.
This skill takes years to master.
When I was your age, I could barely eat food off the floor.
I can eat off the floor in my sleep! In fact, I have.
You keep at it, and in no time, you'll be able to do this.
I can see why this place was shut down.
Looks like someone's sneaking out to go to the Rocking On Water concert.
Just because you sleep in a dog bed doesn't mean you're a guard dog.
SUZY: Tom, you coming up? It's Mom and Dad.
Back in the room.
- I locked it.
- What?! I didn't want Daphne to get in while we were gone.
- Where's the key? - In my purse, on the bed.
What are we going to do? I got an idea.
Daphne, what are you still doing up? Just enjoying my house.
Pride of ownership.
Don't stay up too late, beautiful.
Sweet dreams.
Thank you.
Good night.
(DOOR CLOSES) Coast is clear.
Thanks, Daphne.
Bless your little metal heart.
Hey, you're the one who got me this flip-top house.
Besides, you know the code.
What happens in the sisters' room stays in the sisters' room.
Even if your sister lives in the hallway.
Daphne may march to her own drummer, or sometimes just hit you with the drum sticks, but at the end of the day, she's definitely part of the sister team.