Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e13 Episode Script

Stuck in the Dark

1 Yep, I'm on the roof.
Don't tell Mom.
I'm getting my stargazing geek on.
This Sunday night I'm going to Boston to see super scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
When science looks itself up in the dictionary, it sees a photo of him.
Ooh! I think I see a shooting - Hey! - Ethan! You know how we all think I'm gonna be a rock star? You're the only one who thinks that.
Not for long.
I put up some flyers looking to start a band.
I'm meeting with the three top choices tomorrow.
Don't worry.
You can be our manager.
The only thing I wanna manage is some Harley time.
I'll put you down as a strong "maybe.
" [scoffs] Oh, wow, there's Orion's Belt.
And I'm pretty sure that's the Big pain in the butt.
On the subject of butts, get yours in gear.
I'm gonna host a sleepover tomorrow night.
[sighs] That's against the rules.
Diaz kids can't have sleepovers until they're ten.
It's as non-negotiable as the "no-eating-chili- before-a-car-trip" rule.
Suit yourself.
But it'd be a real shame if the night Mom was going to take you to see that boring science dork, I came down with a tummy ache.
"Ooh! I have an ouchie in my tum-tum.
I need my mommy.
Mommy, no go Boston!" We both know you don't talk like that.
That's up to you.
Whoa, do you even shop with a list anymore, or just ask for one of everything? I volunteered to make chowder at the Marshport Seafood Festival which was a mistake.
Well, I hope you're still in the yes mood because Daphne wants to have a sleepover tonight.
Fun, right?! I'll go tell her you're on board.
Uh, just because I'm making 400 gallons of chowder doesn't mean I've lost my mind.
No sleepovers before the age of ten.
Eight year olds at sleepovers do stupid stuff.
They clog the toilets, give each other weird haircuts, lose their favorite teddy bear.
Next thing you know I'm unclogging the toilet, getting yelled at by a mom about some janky bangs, and ordering a new Mr.
Sorry, no.
I have to turn that no into a yes or Harley "no go Boston.
" Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Tryin' to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you OK, I get that most third graders aren't ready for a sleepover, but Daphne is very mature.
Kids twice her age cross the street when they see her coming.
Are you arguing for her or against her? Hey.
I'm about to have my first band practice.
If things go according to plan, I'll be on the road with a sold-out tour next Summer.
Hang on to that.
Is it fair that Ethan's delusional and he gets to have sleepovers? Fine, but just so you know, if there are any problems there will be consequences for you as in lockdown.
Mom, do you really think I would be doing all of this if I thought I was risking Neil deGrasse Tyson? [sighs] Or if I had a choice? So, this is my blazing take-no-prisoners super band.
That's what I get for putting the flyers on the ice cream truck.
Look, guys, I'm sorry, but this band's supposed to play rock and roll not Rock-a-bye Baby.
[drummer playing rock beat] Wow.
That was unexpected.
Guess I can make one exception.
[bass player riffing] Two exceptions! [playing rock tune] Three exceptions.
[laughing] Oh! We take Music together at school.
Gang, get ready to go down in rock history! I need this sleepover to be foolproof.
So, like any scientist, I've broken the problem down into a simple theory.
A cool sleepover involves the four "F" s.
- [doorbell rings] - Now let's get ready to see them in action at Daphne's.
[girls screaming] [Harley] The first "F", food.
Most parents want their kids to avoid sugar.
At a sleepover, that's a mistake.
Sure, you pay the price of crazy kids for half an hour.
But they'll crash quicker than you can say [Suzy] Harley! What's the racket? Uh, give me three minutes, Mom! [Harley] Every sugar high comes with a low.
So, the next "F" fort.
Keep 'em comfy, keep 'em quiet.
Slow down, Naomi.
That's a load-bearing pillow.
Which brings us to our third "F" fun.
And what's more fun at a sleepover than a little scare? It was pitch dark as the little girl tiptoed into the room and as she slowly reached her hand - under the bed - [Harley] Aah! [girls screaming] And so we've come to our final "F" finished.
This concludes "Sleepovers" by Harley.
I wouldn't go in there.
I've seen a lot of things never come out.
Daphne and kids who wanna hang out with Daphne are downstairs.
It's safer to forage for snacks up here.
Hey, hey! Found a couple of jelly beans from Easter.
Fuzzy green's a color, right? Ah, I'll eat it anyway.
Glad I caught you in a win.
Hey, can my band rehearse at your store tomorrow? The backyard's too distracting.
Drummer keeps wanting to play on the slide.
I don't know.
Kids at my store, no adult supervision? Uh, you're an adult.
Me? I haven't played in years.
I do miss it, though.
I suppose I could bust out the old keyboard.
You mean for the band? [chuckles nervously] My band? Everybody jammin' at the Bait and Bite.
A little father-son bonding.
I mean, the fact that you would even consider me.
That is what you meant, right? Welcome to the band.
[shrieks] [groans] - What are you doing? - I'm scared.
Scared? Of what? You let a tarantula crawl on your face at the zoo.
In the daytime.
I'm afraid of the dark.
You made me afraid of the dark.
Nice try.
You can't suddenly be afraid of the dark.
- [crying] - [sighs] Now quit the fake - Those are real tears.
- [cries] Uh, okay.
How about you sleep in this nice, cozy hammock, and I'll keep watch? [whispers] Harley.
Do I hear crying? Crying? Uh, what? No, it it's laughing.
[fake laughter] [laughing, whining] I'm in so much trouble.
Daphne freaked me out last night.
I've seen her be a lot of things.
Scared? Not one of them.
Luckily, this morning, she seems like she's back to her old self.
[Daphne] Which one of you losers took my fuzzy green jelly bean? Yep, she's definitely back.
Oh, Harley, great job on the sleepover.
The house is still in one piece, and everybody came and left with the same haircut.
Looks like you and I have a date tomorrow night with everybody's favorite science genius.
You don't remember his name, do you? I've got seven kids.
You're lucky I remember your name.
Oh, Daphne, I found Blue Fairy.
[cowbell ringing] Mom, that was for tonight! You ruined my ghost trap.
Ghost trap? Why do you need a ghost trap? She said ghost rap.
You know [rapping] I am a ghost, and a ghost goes "boo," I like to rap and you should too.
Ay, klingety-ang clang! And that's a ghost rap.
[mimics explosion] Oh, right.
A ghost rap.
[chuckles] I'm not that old.
What was that? I was gonna ask you the same thing.
I set up a booby trap for when it gets dark.
I thought you weren't afraid anymore.
Not during the day! Oh, so a fairy on a cowbell's going to make you feel better? You're right.
I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad I'm sleeping with them.
No, no, no, no, no.
Then I can't go to my thing tomorrow night.
I can fix this.
If I can scare you that fast, I can cure you that fast.
I hope so, 'cause now there's two things that terrify me: The dark, and you rapping.
Ugh! How can I get out of this? Seven kids, and not one of you has to go to the hospital right now? Ethan, I'll give you 100 bucks if you break a finger or a toe.
There's that Suzy-style parenting we all know, love, and swallow our comments about.
I think that one got away from you.
As vice chairperson of the Marshport Seafood Festival, it's my duty to check on our wild card volunteers.
I made ten pots of bass last night.
And I trust you used organic potatoes? Of course Now I'm off to the store for unrelated reasons.
Miss Peters, great news.
My new band's available to play at the festival on the pier.
I mean, it's right outside my dad's store, so we could even do some overflow seating at the deli counter.
Oh, as delightful as ham-adjacent seating sounds, the entertainment's all booked.
Uh, come on.
Haven't you ever had a dream? Playing in front of a crowd, fans cheering your name.
[chanting] Miss Peters! Miss Peters! I know you're a music lover.
I've heard you practice violin - through your window.
- Well, it's a viola.
There's no wretched, high E string.
[scoffs] They are the worst.
E strings? Boo.
You know what? I will play in the band.
Band? What band? My band? Are you ready to rock? Hey, man.
A word? Isn't the band getting a little Large? I was going to say weird and old.
Santa's weird and old.
Everyone loves him.
Look, just give 'em a chance.
We haven't even heard 'em play.
[clears throat] Miss Peters? [clears throat] [playing rock riffs] Does anyone want to hear some Nirvana, or will that suffice? I'll make an exception.
All right.
Dad, showtime.
[playing simple tune] [chuckles] I haven't had the old keyboard out in a while.
And I hate to lean on this, but just till I get my "C" legs [preset beat playing] [discordant playing] Better, right? [sighs] We're back to the scientific process.
Curing phobias can be solved with one simple "D".
"Desensitize" OK, this box will gradually get you used to the dark.
It's a little something I like to call, "A dip in the darkness.
" It's a little something I like to call, "not gonna happen.
" [rapping] Then I'mma do something that scares ya most, Hey, everybody, it's the rapping ghost! Clingety-clang-clang.
Box! I'll take the box.
[chuckles] OK, here you go.
- You okay in there? - I think so.
See? Nothing to be afraid of.
Aah! Unh! [grunting] [grunting viciously] Aah! Well, now the box is definitely afraid of you.
Here's a new "D": "Defense.
" This spray, utilizing cutting edge anti-monster biochemistry, is guaranteed to ward off anything that goes bump in the night.
[sniffing] That smells like the air freshener from the bathroom.
Have you ever seen a monster in the bathroom? Not because of the spray Seven kids use that thing.
Even a monster would be afraid to go in.
Mom, you know how Dad said he was in a band in high school? He was in three.
His talent really never matched his enthusiasm.
Each one kicked him out after the first show.
Well, the modern world works a little faster.
It's him or us.
I can't cut my dad from the band.
You must, E-man.
The integrity of the Marshport Seafood Festival demands it.
I need to figure out a way to let Dad down easy.
This is my dream.
I I can't let it slip away.
He'll understand, right? Guess who found his old gig-gloves.
[sharply exhales] [groans] I've tried everything.
The only way she can sleep is with me right here.
What if I have to sleep with Daphne for the rest of my life? Stay with her at every turn? [gasps] What if I'm the new Deathne? No offense, girl.
You do you.
Thanks to you watching for monsters, I got a great night's sleep.
Come on, Deathne.
Let's get some breakfast.
[sighs] Don't call me Deathne.
Don't flatter yourself.
I was talking to her.
Ow! Ow! Two nights of this.
Turns out everything they say about sleep being important Yeah, that's true.
[sighs] I can't fix this.
Gonna have to tell Mom I traumatized Daphne.
[sighs] Better get out there quick if you want a cup of Suzy's famous homemade chowder.
I was lucky to get this, and I'm Suzy.
I wish I had an appetite.
I have to tell Dad he's about to start his solo career.
[Tom] Hey-o! I'll go get him some cheer-up chowder.
I found my lucky show sunglasses.
Ah! Dad, we have to talk.
Can you take those off? I'm having a hard time looking myself in the eye.
Remember when I didn't make the little league team, and you made me feel better by telling me music was my baseball? Yeah.
Well, what if your music is bait and tackle supplies? What I'm trying to say is I've heard this speech enough to know where this is going.
Uh, I'm not good enough to be in your band.
I knew it.
Just didn't want to say anything 'cause I was enjoying spending time with you.
I'm gonna [chuckles] Let's just, uh You know what? I'm gonna go get a scissor.
No, Dad Those guys aren't good enough for us.
The bandana stays, and so do you.
Really? Father, son? That's a thing people want to see.
Father, son, Miss Peters, a bunch of musical prodigies? Dime a dozen.
[laughing] Who wants some cheer-up chowder? No need, Mom.
Come on, Dad.
Let's go out there and play.
You and me, and in front of all my friends.
Just like I've always dreamed.
The festival's been shut down.
There's an outbreak of food poisoning.
It's the chowder.
Aah! Don't worry.
I know where there's a lobster fest we can play at next week.
Even bigger crowd.
[sighs] Sorry to hear about your chowder.
Well, you held up your end of the bargain.
Are you ready to go to Boston to see your hero? About that.
Um I don't think we're going to go after what I tell you.
You know how you said the sleepover had to go well? Turns out, Daphne Wants an autograph from that science guy.
I'm a big fan of Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Well, I'll go get ready.
I don't want to meet an astrophysicist smelling like rotten chowder.
Hi, Mom.
What are you doing? I have to tell Mom you're afraid of the dark.
No, you don't.
I'm not afraid anymore.
What? Since when? The last thing you did really cured me.
I'm fine.
You sure? Beause it will be night soon, and I won't be here.
Bring it on.
I'm not scared.
Go do your thing.
[Suzy] Let's go! We're gonna be late.
Be right there.
I got my notebook, got his book, and got my hydrogen-is-number-one foam finger.
Oh, wait.
My bag.
Who's there? What's going on here? Just reading.
Don't wanna strain my eyes.
Then you should probably read it right side up.
[cowbell rings] [sighs] Another booby trap? You're obviously still afraid of the dark.
Why didn't you tell me? Because a deal's a deal.
I got to do my sleepover, now you get to do your thing.
I'm really sorry.
I never thought this could happen.
I mean, the best times of my life have been in the dark.
So it's hard for me to The best times of my life have been in the dark.
Scoot over.
[sighs] I thought you were going to see boring science guy.
I think I have an ouchie in my tum-tum.
Harley no go Boston.
[laughter] How would you like to do something with me later tonight? Sure.
[Harley] When you're little, there's a lot to be scared of.
There's monsters, things that go bump in the night even the dark itself.
But with your family by your side, life sure is a whole lot brighter.
Jam, pump this jam all night Whoa Yeah Whoa This is my life This is my life, whoo! Whoa Yeah Whoa This is my life This is my life Whoa Yeah Whoa This is my life This is my life, whoo! Whoa Yeah Whoa This is my life This is my life See how much fun the dark can be? This is awesome.
Can we do it again tomorrow? Sure.
There's the Big Dipper, and there's the Little Dipper.
[Harley] I guess you could say that's us.
That's cute.
Awkward timing, but I'm gonna need you to sleep in your own bed tonight.
Me and Deathne were talking, and you're kind of a dog-bed hog.
Sleep in my own bed? Think I can do that.
Whoa Oh Whoa This is my life