Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e16 Episode Script

Stuck Without the Perfect Gift

1 Harley, you're too kind.
And how about another bowl for my friend? I like mine with extra butter.
And replace the popcorn with macaroni and cheese.
That's for Aidan, he's coming over to watch TV.
Go find someone else to annoy.
If you need suggestions, Ethan's upstairs.
Why do you think we're down here? You know, we're getting tired of you always kicking us out every time Aidan comes over.
Especially when you combine that with all the other times you kicked us out.
I'm sorry we helped convince you to hang out with that guy.
Well, it turned out to be great advice.
I have new found respect for you two.
- [Aidan] Hi, Harley! - Get out! Go, monkeys, go! So, what are we watching? Well, since yesterday you sat through the "Shouty Housewives" with me, I'm going to watch the first season of "Ow, That Hurts!" with you.
See, it's things like that that have made these past couple weeks so special.
Speaking of special, I got you something.
My first gift from a boy whose last name isn't Diaz.
It's probably flowers, or candy, or a charm bracelet.
Which reaction says "I really love it" most? Combination gasp and aww? [gasp] Aww! Or should I get emotional? Can't find the words? Yes, that's the one.
You got me a wrench? I can't find the words.
I really can't find the words.
The other day you were working on your mini-sea drone and couldn't finish because you needed a wrench with extra reach.
- You remembered? - Yup.
This is made of a tungsten alloy.
Your favorite.
it's got a slip-resistant handle, and a tapered jaw for work in tight spaces.
I couldn't find anything for that.
I tracked down some guy in Canada who makes his own tools.
He also makes personalized pliers, if that's your thing.
Aidan, this gift I really, really can't find the words.
Aidan got me this and all I got him was a bowl of popcorn that Lewie and Beast had pawed over.
A wrench? Can I take a picture of that and send it to Chloe? She'll think the ping-pong net I got her isn't so bad.
Don't you get it? This is the perfect gift for me.
Somehow, Aidan knew what I needed even more than I did.
Now I have to get him something just as thoughtful.
Is that what Chloe expects? Ugh.
Maybe we should break up.
Why did Aidan have to nail it on the first try? I could kill that wrench guy in Canada.
Come on, you're the one who always makes Mom the perfect Mother's Day gift.
Remember that one year, you lost the car and still had her crying tears of joy? That's it! I'll make him a gift.
I just have to figure out what he'd want.
While you're at it, can you make something to give Chloe? Here.
- A flipper? - You got her a ping pong net.
Anything is better than that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like Things are out of control Like you're living In a circus Trying to figure out Your way in the world Where you're at Is kind of perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing Don't stop Let the game begin Let's jump right in I want to get Stuck with you In the middle Of the party We're just getting started I want to get Stuck with you In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I want to get Stuck with you Get stuck in the middle With you I want to get Stuck with you Okay, Aidan's first gift to me was great, but wait until he sees what I got for him.
It's personal, unique, and I made it myself.
Winner? Harley.
Not that gift-giving is a competition, though, you know, it kind of is.
Hey.
I got your text to "meet me at the swing-sweat.
" Good thing I speak auto-correct.
What's this? I was thinking about how awesome your gift was, so I wanted to get a little something for you.
And as you might know this by now, but I don't do "little" anything.
Whoa, first gift.
Warning: I might get emotional.
Ta-da.
It's our announcement booth at school.
Those two are us.
Oh, check this out [Harley's voice] You are the worst! You're rude, self-centered, obnoxious, rude.
Did I say rude twice? Yeah.
That's because you're twice as rude as anyone I ever met! [chuckling] It's funny, right? The audio was easier to get than you'd expect.
Turns out, most of the school recorded it.
Um, yeah.
It's very detailed.
Why exactly would you want to remember this moment? Because it shows how far we've come.
We can laugh about it now.
It's funny, right? Well, he got emotional, just not exactly the emotion I was hoping for.
[sighs] You know Mom and Georgie already left for that dance competition, right? I thought you'd be plopped on the couch, watching TV.
First, I have to do one thing for Mom secure these frames and her decoupaged plate to the shelves.
Nice.
So the one clean plate in the house, you want to hang up on the wall? Your mom's not even home.
We can eat out of coffee mugs.
Doing this isn't gonna take long.
After that, it's Dad TV.
No British accents, no brides choosing dresses.
It's apes on horseback, carrying swords, blowing things up.
Congratulations! One of you lucky dogs gets to take us to laser tag.
Sorry, can't.
I'm doing something that's not that.
Alright, Dad.
Grab the keys, let's go.
I can't either.
Doing a big project for Mom.
Going to take most of the day.
Save it, Dad.
We know "Medieval Monkey Wars" is on TV today.
Look, I took you to laser tag last week, it cost me 90 bucks.
When you have that much, we'll talk.
Okay.
Can we borrow 90 bucks? No.
Two reasons.
One, I don't have it.
Also, this a great opportunity for you guys to make your own money.
Business ideas, go.
Golf ball retrievers.
Pro athletes.
Live mannequins in a children's dress shop! Selling brownies.
Lots of good stuff here, guys.
Let's focus on the brownies.
There you go! You'll get that 90 bucks in about a month.
See you shortly, Sir Monkey the Exploder.
I don't think you're seeing how funny this is.
Let me get to the best part.
[Harley's voice] Drumming on the desk! Drumming on the fence! Drum drum drum drum drum drum drum! I sound crazy, right? It's hilarious! Usually, you only say "drum" like once, but I said it, like, a whole bunch of times! You sure did.
If I wanted to remember this moment, this is totally the best version.
It accurately depicts what is forever seared into my mind.
You're right.
I was trying to be clever and cute and personal, but this is terrible.
I'm sorry.
No, come on.
It's really great.
Plus, I didn't have to worry about getting emotional.
So wins all around.
We blew it.
I need a do-over, but I don't know him well enough to do a do-over.
What do I do? Okay.
First I need to stop saying "do.
" Then I have to figure out his perfect gift, and fast.
His birthday is right around the corner I think.
Yeah, I've really got to get to know this guy.
Check it out.
Oh no, is Harley counterfeiting now? That seems like a line-cross.
A lady came and bought all our brownies.
She said we were so cute.
That was my contribution.
She was looking at me.
A hundred bucks for brownies? She made us promise when we grew up and saw some kids selling brownies, we'd do the same thing.
[laughing] Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
So you can take us to laser tag now.
And if you get us there fast, we will buy you dinner.
All right, deal's a deal.
As soon as I hang Mom's plate.
Which I can't seem to find.
I left it right here.
First time making brownies, and they're way better than Mom's.
Either we're great or she's terrible.
Right? [gasps] You guys ate too many.
Now this doesn't look full.
Where's the plate now? I guess we sold it with the brownies.
When a lady flashes a Benjamin, you don't think details.
Guys, Mom made that plate.
She's going to be furious.
You have to get it back.
Okay.
We'll just check our paperwork to see what that lady put down as her forwarding address.
- We took that? - Of course not! So you're telling me we lost Mom's plate?! - What are we going to do? - We? You're the one who left it where us Littles could touch it.
Everyone knows we're a menace.
Which is also your fault.
You raised us.
Okay, so discipline starts now.
No one's going to laser tag until I figure this out.
We kind of walked right into that.
How can we help? That plate had some of your mom's favorite pictures from that phone she lost! She didn't lose it, she just didn't want to dig it out of a port-a potty.
Okay, what if we recreate the photos and glue them on a new plate? She won't notice.
Maybe she won't notice.
Oh, I pray she won't notice.
Told you we weren't the only ones afraid of Mom.
I came up with a plan to figure out what Aidan wants.
Well, it's not really a plan.
It's more of a scheme.
Sure, I'm up for playing a game.
What kind? It's time to play America's favorite family game "Who Knows Who Best?" What's going on? You know my family, always playing wacky games.
This is a favorite.
We've never played this before.
I made it up just to get personal info on Aidan.
I mean, I guess I could have talked to him for hours and found out what he wants that way, but come on, a fake game show, way more fun.
Let's find out who knows who best Put your opponent to the test Check out this sweet velvet vest Get to the questions.
We don't need a theme song.
But I have six more verses.
Brace yourself.
You're about to see something that's not going to be pretty.
Me losing.
Big time.
It's my only choice.
I have to get personal info for Aidan's gift.
So if you're keeping score, this does not count against my record.
Who Knows Who Best? First question is for Harley.
What is Aidan's sneaker size? 8? Actually, it's 10.
- [buzzer] - Ooh, wrong answer.
I'm also a 10! We should trade kicks.
Now, question is for Aidan.
What is Harley's last name? Yeah, I didn't put too much effort into writing questions about me.
The quicker we get through those, the more intel I can get on him.
Harley's last name is Diaz.
Yes, it is.
- [bells dinging] - Correct! Let's check the scoreboard.
Aidan-1, Harley, the big goose-egg.
We've made it through round 1.
We're playing "Who Knows Who Best?" It's a fun-filled question-answer fest Move on to round 2.
I guess my sister's not impressed.
Okay, we've got our work cut out for us.
Deceiving Mom is going to take everything we have.
And before I forget, this is wrong.
Now, let's go make some fake memories.
Boys, you're on.
Ooh-ooh - Ooh-ooh - Got it.
- Ooh-ooh - Great.
Yes, girls, let's hold it together The party is gonna over Let's you and I The score so far? Aidan, 7, Harley, zilcho.
Let's see if she can make some noise in the bonus round.
[beeps] What is Aidan's favorite band? Imagine Dragons? Aerosmith.
What color are Harley's eyes? - Brown.
- [bell dinging] What is Aidan's favorite vacation spot? - Hawaii? - Close.
Tokyo.
[buzzer] Name any letter not in the word "Harley.
" "Q.
" Who is Aidan's favorite athlete? - LeBron James? - Sorry.
David Ortiz.
[buzzer] I'm going to call this, it's getting embarrassing.
Aidan wins, 19 to zero! Well, it was kind of a ridiculous game.
The questions Harley got were way harder.
Were they? I didn't notice.
Maybe you're just really, really smart.
Why are you dressed like that? You're not even in this picture.
Any chance to wear the uniform.
Okay, onto the real hard part.
Recreating the pictures the other family members were in.
I think we can make this work.
All right, guys.
What do we think? It takes more than a $20 wig to make Beast look like Georgie.
Oh, yeah, well next time you want to be Rachel, maybe pluck your eyebrows.
Well, maybe if I hang it on the wall really high You better be talking airplane height, because this thing's a mess.
I can't wait to see the look on Aidan's face when he sees what I got him.
Does it need a theme song? [quirky music] No.
I need you to pull that rope when the surprise gets here.
[Aidan] Hey, guys.
Hey.
Whoa, did you know there was a carpet here? I thought it was just piles of toys and clothes.
We picked up a little.
Yeah, we thought we'd try something different.
[doorbell rings] Would you get that? I've gotta put this awway.
[fanfare] What are you doing?! You're early! Go! You get real excited about pizza.
[doorbell rings] You should get that.
It's for you.
For me? But it's your house.
I wanted to get you the perfect gift.
That's why I staged that crazy game show to find out what that would be.
Most of your answers had something in common.
Aerosmith.
Because they're my dad's favorite band.
Tokyo.
Because my dad lives there.
David Ortiz.
My dad caught a home run ball off him for me.
We even got it signed.
So, based on your own answers, here's your perfect gift.
Dad? What just happened? Hey, what's going on? I thought you'd love seeing your dad.
I got the right guy, didn't I? How many Charles Peters could there be in Tokyo? That's him.
- Then why are you upset? - Because I've been wanting him to visit me for months And here he is! But he only came when you asked him to! Oh.
Yes.
Yes.
But there's a reason for that.
Aidan talks about you all the time.
Like how you caught the home run off Big Papi.
How you play a mean air guitar to "Walk This Way.
" Oh, and about that diner you'd take him to every Friday for pizza burgers.
He really misses you and wants to see you.
I had no idea.
He hasn't said any of that to me.
I get that.
I had to concoct some crazy game show to figure it out.
Aidan's maybe not so good at talking about his feelings.
I'm afraid that might be another thing he's got in common with his old man.
I'm maybe not so good at telling him how much I miss him either.
Your dad came when I asked because you never did.
Oh.
[chuckles] Well, if I was comfortable talking about my feelings I'd say I feel like a jerk right now.
Don't worry.
My reaction to the wrench took some time too.
[chuckles] Thanks, Harley.
This is the best gift anyone's ever given me.
You better get back in there before Ethan starts singing him the game show theme song.
Am I nuts, or does that look like It is! It's Mom's plate! I don't believe it.
It still has our brownies.
That sweet old lady threw them out.
Looks like she only had one.
Correction.
One bite.
If she hadn't paid us a hundred dollars, I'd be really hurt right now.
I am so glad you found that in the dumpster.
This is great! Not if you baked the brownies.
Try being more sensitive.
Best part is, I can still get in a whole day of Dad TV - before Mom gets back.
- [clears throat] I believe someone forgot a little arrangement we had regarding laser tag.
Shall we say tomorrow, 10 AM? Make it 9.
Just for the crack about the brownies.
Hey, I got your text that you wanted to see me.
I was worried I might be walking into another fake game show.
No.
From now on, I'm being honest with you.
That wrench you gave me was perfect.
But there's one gift you could give me that would be even better.
[softly] What? Will you be my escort at my quinceañera? Wow.
It means so much that you'd ask me.
I'd love to be your escort [giggles] but I can't.
When my Dad leaves tomorrow, - I'm going with him.
- To Tokyo? We both thought the other one was doing okay, but turns out, we weren't.
We Missed spending time together? Yeah.
I'm still not great with the feelings stuff.
But family is the most important thing.
I learned that from yours.
I lose my way There's a voice that always brings me back to you I lose my faith You're the angel that reminds me what I had to do We laugh and cry And say good-bye Thought you might want your favorite blanket.
And your favorite slippers.
And your favorite tea.
Made with honey, like you like.
And your favorite way to be cheered up.
Actually, it's my second favorite way to be cheered up.
[Harley] After all Aidan and I had been through, letting him go wasn't easy.
But it was right.
The perfect gift isn't giving someone what they want.
It's giving them what they need.
Wherever you go I'll go