Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e20 Episode Script

Stuck in Harley's Quinceañera

1 [birds tweeting] [gasps and screams] Not today! Not today! I overslept! My quinceañera's tonight, and I'm already an hour late preparing.
Why are you just standing there smiling? Because we turned off your alarm.
We wanted you to sleep in, so you'd be relaxed for your big day.
Swing and a miss, Mom.
Swing and a miss.
My party starts in - [beeping] - seven hours and 21 minutes.
I'm supposed to be showered, dressed, and eating half a chicken.
- For energy.
- Oh.
To get my dress, blow up balloons "Make sure Deathne's wearing both a top and bottom.
" We already started your list.
You took my list? I thought we had an understanding.
No one takes anything in the middle of the night unless it's under the pillow.
You always take care of the family.
Today, let us take care of you.
This family? Uh, thanks, but I feel like the system's been working.
Besides, my party's theme is science.
My logo is a chemical element I created for myself: Hd15.
It does not react well to change.
A girl's quinceañera is her passage into adulthood.
This is your last day as a child, Hd15.
Enjoy it.
Just sit back and relax.
It's our gift to you.
Oh, feel free to regift that on my birthday.
Hey, want to do something? The family stole my to-do list.
Sorry, part of the crime ring.
Dad and I are picking up your dress.
Because it's the easiest job.
Because it's the most important.
As your best friend in the family, I don't trust anyone else.
Hey, ready to do our easy job? Important job, yes.
One more time, where, when and how do we pick up this dress? And should we keep the window down so it doesn't get car stink? [Suzy sighs] Time, place, contact.
And of course keep the windows down.
Harley can't turn 15 smelling like an old meatball sub.
Guys, it's the easiest job.
All right, fine.
You got me.
Want to do something? Oh, sorry, can't.
Mom and I are off to decorate the party hall.
I'm doing balloons.
Based on my chemistry grade, that's the only thing I should touch at a science-themed party.
Based on her hand-eye coordination, I'm not feeling so good about those balloons either.
[sighs] Ethan's busy, Georgie's busy, Rachel and Aidan are on another continent.
Hey, Ellie's home for my quince.
My bestie's always up for some fun.
Sorry, busy.
But this is your last day to spend time with your pal Harley as a kid.
I'm planning a big surprise for you.
Which I can't do if I'm with Harley the kid.
So you want to hang out? Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are out of control Like you're living in a circus Trying to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kind of perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the game begin, let's jump right in I want to get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I want to get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I want to get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I want to get stuck with you Okay, so I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and letting my family take care of my quince to-do list.
But here's one thing I'm not letting them handle: the box for my surprise grand entrance tonight.
It says, "Science Jokes and Puzzles," because I knew they wouldn't touch it.
And "Box of Broccoli" seemed too suspicious.
Nobody's getting a peek at this.
Not even you.
It's like we're building a pop-up museum of Harley.
This stuff's adorable.
Oh, here's the sad face picture you drew when you found out Pluto wasn't a planet anymore.
Sure you guys don't need help? Because my watch says you should be heading out right now, and you seem pretty here.
Wow, you're really bad at doing nothing.
Look what I found in the basement when I was collecting things for your collage.
Even as a kid you loved making lists.
That could be anybody's.
It's titled "Harley's Buck-kid List.
" Aww, you misspelled "bucket.
" [Harley] That's because it's not a bucket list.
It's a "buck-kid" list.
Stuff you want to accomplish while you're still a kid.
"Make a raft out of soda cans.
" - Did it.
- "Convince Mom to have a little sister.
" Did it.
Regret it.
[Harley] "Dance on a cloud" may have been a little over-ambitious, but there's only a handful left.
It's a shame you didn't finish, considering you're retiring your childhood today.
Oh, my gosh, Georgie, you're right.
This is my last chance.
If I hurry up, I can finish the list before my quince.
I can't believe Rachel got her boss to make Harley an original designer dress.
Bummer she couldn't get time off work.
- Aah! Whoa! - [car tires screech] What? What did I hit? - Dr.
Cream! - What? A person? Where? - I didn't even see him.
- No, no, no, no.
It's the hot new ice cream place.
And there's no line.
We have to go! Ethan, I thought I just killed a man.
I am in no mood for a sweet treat.
Plus, Harley's going to be checking in.
We don't have time.
Not even for salted caramel ice cream between two warm doughnuts? Uh You think it's possible to get the whole list done in a day? This is a pretty aggressive itinerary with a razor-thin timetable.
But you've come to the right place.
Giant pancake.
Ball pit room.
Gelatin slip 'n slide.
Dance on a cloud.
It's not going to be easy, but making history never is.
I'd want to spend my last day as a kid with me too.
- [watch beeps] - Oh.
Dad and Ethan should be at the dress shop now.
I'm sure they've got it.
It was the easiest job.
I'll just make sure.
[cell phone rings] [sighs] - [Harley on phone] Hey, Ethan.
- Yeah, Harls, just got here.
Dresses as far as the eye can see.
Sprinkles? Shh! Yeah.
That's the dress shop owner's dog.
Who's a good boy? [speaking gibberish] All right, got to go.
That was Harley.
Surprise, she was checking up on us.
We decided between 300 different flavor combinations.
I think we can pick up a dress.
[laughs] Huh.
Where's the car? Towed? You know, most girls go with flowers for their centerpieces, not molecular compounds.
And this is only high school science.
Can you imagine her wedding? [sighs] At least I brought Harley's diagram to follow.
[sighs] These are the instructions for my step tracker, which I also don't know how to use.
[Harley] First up: giant pancake.
Okay, aim every reflector at the griddle.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Now, batter up.
[camera shutters clicking] You know, like pancake batter? Even adult Harley would enjoy that one.
[cell phone rings] [gasps] It's Harley.
She's going to ask us how it's going.
Hey, Harls.
Hey, just a friendly check-in.
How's it looking? I We How's my baby daughter On her 15th birthday? Getting ready to be A woman soon All right, sounds like everything's going well.
Works every time.
Are you done yet? Driveway's pre-heated.
Time to pour the batter.
Yeah! - Go.
- Go.
Man, everything's going great today.
What do you mean the dress isn't here? We're supposed to talk to Fluoride.
No, that's not right.
Ah, Monique.
Monique? Oh, you had an appointment an hour ago.
She had to leave.
Our car got towed.
We had to walk 2 miles to the impound lot.
Well, the dress probably got restocked in the back room.
Do you know what it looks like? Call Rachel.
She designed it based on Harley's idea of the perfect dress.
Way ahead of you.
Ugh! Voicemail.
[Tom] You know what? We can figure this out.
Where would the dress have been restocked? Why did we think this was the easy job? This buck-kid list doesn't stand a chance.
Okay, people, now butter it up.
- All right.
- Okeydoke.
Let's keep it running, baby [camera shutters click] Giant pancake: check.
I don't want to come down I don't want to come down Yeah, I don't want To come down Ready set go! [all scream] Ball pit room: check.
Next up: gelatin slip 'n slide.
[camera shutters clicking] Here I go! [excited yells] We can't find the dress.
We ruined Harley's quince.
We can't do the decorations.
We ruined Harley's quince.
I don't want to come down I don't want to come down I don't want to come down I can't get it off.
I ruined my quince.
No, no, no, no, no.
No! Come on.
It says, "will stain clothes.
" Skin is the clothes of your body, so there you go.
How did I not see that? Well, in your defense, you are still a child.
I guess there's no reason you can't dance on a cloud if you're purple.
- Moving on.
- Forget the cloud.
I have to find a way to get this off of me.
My quinceañera's in two hours! As a father, you have to make a lot of tough decisions.
But this was the toughest.
Taffeta or chiffon.
- This is satin.
- [sighs] Oh, good, you got the dress.
Let's see.
[door closes] Ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, I get it.
It's horrible.
No, but really, where's Harley's dress? No.
Uh, little snafu.
By the time we got there By the time you got there? Guys, I wrote it down! I gave you the easiest job, and you still messed it up? How'd the centerpieces turn out? Great.
I just followed the directions.
These directions? You wrote the dress pickup instructions here.
So, if we're keeping track, you guys messed up more than us.
And you didn't even get ice cream.
You got ice cream? [gasps] Congratulations.
You ruined Harley's quince.
[Harley] Actually Harley did that all by herself.
You're purple.
Was one of the things on your list "be a grape"? [laughs] I've taken two showers, and it still won't come off.
I don't know, it kind of gives you a nice, rosy yeah, I can't spin this.
I never should have given up control.
This is a nightmare.
Hello? - [all cheer] - [Tom] Rachel's here! [all] Rachel! Rachel, you said you couldn't be here.
Changed my mind.
I told Christian Lamond he could fire me, but I'm going.
Turns out, he likes a girl with 'tude.
Then you're going to be a superstar.
[all laugh] Yeah, well, I don't have enough 'tude to pull off this look at my quince, so Oh, no, no, no, no.
I did not fly across the ocean for a big party to have this family ruin it with their Diaz-ness.
I love your enthusiasm, but we only have an hour and I look like pie filling.
Soaking in a tub of fresh lemon juice and vinegar will remove any stain.
What? My clothes, this house? You think I don't know how to remove a stain? You guys, we need every lemon from Miss Peters' greenhouse.
- Got it.
- Dad, Ethan Oh, please be the easy thing.
No! I don't know what that means anymore.
Go back to the store.
I'll text you a picture of the dress, and pretend I'm not related to the people that picked out that.
Mom, Georgie, take the instructions and make those dorky centerpieces how Harley wanted them.
[Harley] Hey, they're not dorky.
They're just molecular compounds okay, yeah.
[laughs] You have no idea how much this means Save the sweet.
You need to soak so I can make you look more princess and less Papa Snoozleberry.
Well, for a family that just got dressed on the drive over, I think we clean up pretty nice.
Luckily, we run late a lot, and most of the makeup's already in the glove compartment.
[gasps] [all] Wow.
[Georgie] I hope things are working out with Harley.
Oh, Rachel just texted me from the cab.
Is this emoji laughing-crying, or crying-crying? - Laughing.
- Crying.
- Hey.
- How'd it go? We did everything we could, but all the lemons in the world couldn't [Harley] Hey, guys.
I heard there was a party? Oh, come on, you were supposed to let them suffer a little longer.
[all cheer] Wow, look at this place.
It's amazing.
I wasn't sure you guys could pull it off, but everything turned out perfect.
When I become an adult, I'm gonna start letting you guys do more.
[all laugh] Thank you, Harls.
And you look gorgeous.
Thank you.
Rotten bananas, rotten bananas.
[sniffles] I'm trying not to cry.
I can't pinch my ear, because my nails are wet.
Chocolate fountain! [Beast] Yeah! Ellie! [both laugh] - Hey.
- Hey! You smell like lemonade.
Yeah, long story.
I could charge 25 cents for a cup of my sweat.
Time for my present.
I made it because one Harley is not enough.
Especially on her quince, when everybody wants to get a picture.
It has changeable faces to take you through the whole night.
Beaming Harley, dancing Harley, emotional Harley, no-more-cake-I'll-burst Harley.
I was only going to go with one face, but it was impossible which one of you I liked best.
I love it.
There's only one Ellie, and I'm so lucky to have her as my best friend.
- Let's take a selfie.
- Okay.
[camera shutters click] Hey, we're about to let the guests in.
So unless your entrance is some type of "before and after" thing, you better go.
[watch beeps] Right on schedule.
Time for my grand entrance.
It's been six months of blood, sweat and tears.
Well, no tears.
But those will be coming from you, because this is going to blow your mind.
Where's the box I brought from home? Uh, box? I don't see a box.
It said "Science Jokes and Puzzles" on it, and it's gone.
Oh, then you're better off.
I had it when I left the house.
I remember I put it on top of the taxi Oh, no.
No! My grand entrance into adulthood just blew off the top of a taxi.
I was going to doesn't matter now.
There's no need for you to be as disappointed as me.
I've looked forward to this day for 15 years, and now I'm going to need a minute.
I can't believe it.
I was so worried about you guys messing up.
And I made the one mistake that can't be fixed.
But you're Harley.
You can fix anything.
Yeah, this isn't our first quince dark moment.
[sighs] Remember mine? I sprained my ankle, a hurricane hit.
I was ready to give up.
But you built a hoverboard so I could dance.
That's what you do.
You turn Diaz disasters into opportunities.
Plus this dress is way too nice for you to be crying in a corner.
So get off your flowery butt and make it work.
Thanks, guys.
But part of growing up is accepting that there are some things even I can't fix.
Aww, sounds like someone needs one of my famous heartfelt speeches.
[clears throat] Now, Harley, have you ever been Stop.
Trust me, I've done it a thousand times.
It'll work.
Now, Harley, have you ever been No, I mean stop.
I just got an idea.
Give me 10 minutes, then gather everyone.
I've got a grand entrance to make.
I'm still taking credit for that.
And now, the moment we have all been waiting for.
Introducing our quinceañera queen: element Hd15, more commonly known as Harley Diaz! [cheers and applause] - Oh! - Oh, no.
Did we just pep-talk her into taking a 50-foot swan dive? Light the way Things will always turn around If you seize the day You've got to find the spark That will pull you out Of wherever you are And make this your time Don't let it pass you by It's like she dances on a cloud.
She finished her buck-kid list.
Take a chance this time Stop standing there in line Say it's mine And seize the day And they can never bring you down [applause] Light the way Things will always turn around If you seize the day Whoa-oh That was incredible.
Next time, just warn me so I don't have a heart attack.
[laughs] I can't believe my 15-year-old just double-pirouette dropped her way into womanhood.
- You want me to pinch your ear? - [both laugh] I'm so glad you made it back.
I wouldn't miss it.
Oh, and if Dad asks, the only thing available was business class.
Oh, my little sister is all grown up.
What am I going to do without you? You realize I'm going to see you tomorrow, right? [laughs] I've got to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it Flea-az Diaz.
You're my best friend outside of the family, too.
[laughs] Yeah! [Harley narrating] Turns out, despite all my preparation, my quince was still full of surprises.
Aidan? I thought you left.
My father has a million frequent flyer miles.
And your sisters are very convincing.
Come back, come back to life Seize the day [Harley narrating] Nothing went according to plan.
But everything turned out exactly how I wanted.
Because even though science is my life, my life isn't a science.
I can make all the lists and have all the data, and still not be able to predict how any day will go.
[camera shutters click] And you know what? I'm good with that.
Maybe that's what it really means to grow up.
Come back, come back to life Seize the day [all] Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Happy Quince, Harley! [all cheer] Not so long ago I thought being stuck in the middle of this family meant I was Wednesday, the forgotten kid.
Now I realize, being in the middle means I have love on all sides.
My family gave me the best quince ever.
There's only one way to thank them.
Doughnuts! [kids shouting excitedly] [Ethan] Yeah! [indistinct chatter] [all shout] It's a good life Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh It's a good, good life