Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e19 Episode Script

Stuck in a Fake Out

1 My quinceañera is coming up fast, so I'm all about planning the most important stuff.
My dress, my big entrance, and of course, dessert.
That's why I've created the Sweets 16.
Each dessert squares off with another until there's only one left.
We'll see who takes the cake.
Not that I'm giving an unfair endorsement to cake.
- Harley! - Whoa! Ellie! I didn't know you were coming back from school this weekend.
I have a big video project due for filmmaking class.
Are you making desserts fight? Stay focused, Ellie! If I don't get an A on this, I'll have to stay over break and redo it.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Listen, crepes or peach cobbler, head to head, who wins? Break is during your party.
I'll miss your quinceañera.
What? But my bestie has to be there.
I figured my best shot to ace this project was to make it about something I know really well.
So I talked my teacher into letting me come home to film Harley Diaz, Genius Girl Inventor! I'll give you an A for the title.
[laughs] Ellie, you're back! No time for chitchat.
We've got a video to make.
Hey, are you busy? I can be camera-ready in 10 minutes.
No, I need you and Dad to choose the dessert for my quince.
Even better.
It took 18 years, but finally one of our kids gave us a job we'll enjoy.
[laughs] [sighs] Do you think I'm going to get an A on this Harley? It'll be easy as pie.
Ooh, pie.
Mom, add pie to the chart.
Okay, let's do this.
And that's why I converted this boxing dummy into the Robo-Roper.
For him, swinging ropes was a big upgrade from being hit in the face.
You never did thank me for that, by the way.
[no audio] It is a vacuum [no audio] louder than your phone How did I invent the H-2-Whoa? I asked myself, what's the best way for a concertgoer to get sunscreen and glitter? Because who says you can't be skin-safe and glam at the same time? I think we should cut.
Sorry, I was just picturing myself using the H-2-Whoa at a concert.
Why are you on the floor? [sighs] This is worse than I thought.
If Ellie needs a good grade to come to my quince, she'll never make it.
Despite me looking at the ceiling, things are not looking up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are out of control Like you're living in a circus Trying to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kind of perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the game begin, let's jump right in I want to get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I want to get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I want to get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I want to get stuck with you That story you told about your first invention was absolutely perfect.
Sorry I didn't realize the battery ran out.
At least this time you put it in.
I'm going to miss your quince.
If only you could be in front of the camera and behind it.
What if you do your project on someone else? I can't.
For the last two weeks, I've been selling my teacher on Harley Diaz, Genius Girl Inventor.
But he doesn't know what I look like.
Oh, hi, guys.
Hey, Genius Girl Inventor.
[clears throat] Ethan, Ethan, you're a busy guy.
You can't be troubled with making your own sandwich.
You need to hire [all] A Little Help.
To touch my food? I don't think so.
Come on, we've run into some unexpected debt.
Poopy and Goon invited us to their party, and now they say we owe them $10 for the cake and drinks.
What? It's an understood social contract that refreshments are free at a party.
That's kind of the "party" part of party.
Poopy and Goon make their own rules.
Now we need 10 bucks to get them off our backs.
Tell them I said to stop messing with you, or they'll hear from your big brother.
[all laugh] That's adorable.
But these guys will stop at nothing until we give them what they want.
Boy, it's weird to be on the other end of that.
Nice call smuggling these goodies up here in a suitcase to keep them away from the kids.
I hope the brownies don't taste like sneaker.
I put them in the shoe holders.
[sniffs] You know, when Harley first asked us to narrow down her quince dessert, I was excited.
But now, knowing I have to eat 16, it's kind of intimidating.
Even for me.
Oh, we don't have to eat all of them.
I mean, chocolate chip cookies vs.
rice pudding, that's easy.
The obvious winner is - rice pudding.
- Chocolate chip cookies.
Come on, cookies have a whole aisle in the supermarket.
Rice pudding is on the bottom dairy shelf next to cottage cheese, where it belongs.
Try it.
It looks like something you wipe off a baby's face.
- Whoa! This is delicious! - Mm-hmm.
I guess we can't count anybody out.
[sighs] We've got 16 contenders.
I'd better go put on my pregnancy jeans.
Thank you so much for being me.
And just a note, I carry my invention bag on my other shoulder.
You're so nitpicky.
I'll use that.
And now, my next invention is the Pick-Me-Up.
The Pick-Me-Up does a lot.
Whoa! Right now, we have popcorn on the floor, and it's got to pick it up.
That's its job.
Hello, I'm Harley, and this is my invention, the Floor Finder.
Picks up a lot of stuff.
Everyone will really like it, and it's just fabulous.
This is what I like to call the Laundry Me.
I love this invention, because if you don't know how to fold, this is the invention for you.
We live in a house full of many messy people who need assistance in folding.
This will do the trick.
[sighs] I don't want to jinx anything, mostly because my mom forbids jinxing, but I think we got some great footage.
My bestie came through again.
It was all you.
I just got the ball rolling.
You know, once those directing juices started flowing, it actually was kind of easy.
Easy for her.
I ran a collision course and nearly broke my thumb catching the camera.
But it was worth it, because Ellie's going to be at my quince.
And I actually do think she got better along the way, so everyone's a winner.
Ow! [drone buzzing] What the? [Ethan screams] Ooh.
Mustard drone.
That's Poopy and Goon's calling card.
"We want $10 now.
" Wow.
Yellow and brown.
Those guys really go the extra mile.
What's going on? Ooh, mustard drone.
Makes sense.
We told Poopy and Goon you said not to pay.
That's it.
I'm confronting these jokers.
Regular mustard is one thing, spicy brown is over the line.
[sighs] You're a natural.
You're definitely getting an A.
Hey, I've been thinking about what special gift to get you for your quince, and now I know.
I'll be your videographer.
You want to film my quince? The party I've been planning my entire life and definitely, definitely want to show my children? And my children.
They'll be watching it together.
You know, that is such a nice offer, but you've gotten so good, I can't ask a filmmaker like you to do a silly birthday party.
Plus, there's no way I could afford you.
Oh, you don't have to.
It's a gift.
A gift I would like to return.
What am I going to do? I am not going to help Ellie do the video while you play me at my quince.
So tell her she can't do it.
And break her heart? Come on, Georgie.
So let her do it.
And have it turn out awful? She'll feel horrible she messed it up.
And 10 times worse she let me down.
You know, helping you is a lot of work.
And so is filming a quince.
I'm surprised she'd even want to do it.
What if she doesn't? What if she realizes how hard it will be and decides not to on her own? This is going to take the rest of my day, isn't it? [sniffs] I smell skunk.
Do you smell skunk? That's me.
I went to the address you gave me for Poopy and Goon's house, and before I got to the door, I was stink-bombed.
[coughs] Ooh, those have bite.
And when I got back to my bike to escape, instead of my pedals, I found these.
[Daphne] "10 dollars.
" Ooh, with frowny faces on the O's.
- They mean business.
- Mm-hmm.
Better pay up.
Stink bombs are Poopy and Goon playing nice.
Please end this while you still have a nose to smell through.
This is way too much.
We're going to war.
Right after I take a scented bath.
Use Mom and Dad's tub! Harley wants to hire A Little Help.
How much to make filming a quince seem impossible? - Why does she? - Shh! Ten dollars.
- Done.
- [all] Yes! [Suzy] And the winner is chocolate fudge cake.
You got to hand it to the lemon bar, though.
It made it much further than anyone thought.
It's the Cinderella story of this bracket.
We'd better go and tell Harley before my stomach realizes what's headed its way.
Oh, you've got a little fudge on your shirt.
Oh, that's going to stain.
Wouldn't have happened with the macaroons.
Hold on.
We didn't even consider the stain factor.
Harley's a scientist.
She wouldn't have needed a bracket if it was as simple as tasting.
She believes in full analysis.
You're right.
Full analysis.
Like, what would be slippery if it got on the dance floor? Sure, flan's tasty, but it's also a broken ankle waiting to happen.
Reset the board.
We need to redo the dessert bracket in the name of science.
Got a pair of pregnancy jeans I could borrow? [exhales] Any quince is an overwhelming experience, but a Diaz quince is on a whole nother level.
I want you to do great, so I set up something to help you practice.
Welcome to my fake-ceañera.
All right.
Remember, make sure to capture all the really big moments.
I got this.
Oh, the Easter Bunny's DJing.
Oh, the headphones are for show.
His ears are too big.
Don't worry.
I'll be here for you the whole way.
Oh, here I come.
I'm Harley, and I'm going to make my entrance into the room.
Hello, I am great Uncle Mario from Omaha.
You ever been to Nebraska? I've got many boring stories about Nebraska.
You missed the quince girl's entrance.
But don't worry, you got this.
I believe in you, Ellie.
Oh, here comes Dad with a speech.
You have to get that.
I am Dad Diaz.
I wanted to be Harley, but Georgie got that.
Fake sandwiches! Get your tiny fake sandwiches! Ellie, you're missing the doll presentation! I'm missing everything! You know what I miss? Nebraska.
Home of the Reuben sandwich.
[laughs] What's wrong with s'mores? Really? S'mores? The dessert that's cooked over an open flame? Oh! You're right.
We'll burn down the venue.
We'd have to do the family dance in the parking lot.
We're driving ourselves crazy.
Harley may be a scientist, but we fly by the seat of our pregnancy pants, and it's worked out just fine.
Let's just pick something at random.
Yeah, it's a dessert for a 15-year-old's birthday.
[scoffs] Cupcakes.
It's got cake, frosting and sprinkles.
That is three out of the four dessert groups.
Let's go tell Harley.
[Harley] Hey, don't miss this.
Harley's doing the big family dance.
Fake crab cake? My quince is the most important day of my life.
Get the big moments, don't just pick something at random.
- Round three? - Yup.
Fake crab cake? Uncle Mario's making a toast! Let me start with the day Harley was born.
No, let me start before that.
[laughs] Fake crab cake? [Harley] Dad's having an emotional moment! This is so beautiful.
I am crying.
I can't! [sighs] This is way harder than I thought.
If I can't film a fake-ceañera, there's no way I'm ready for the real one.
Don't be sorry.
You gave your best shot.
That's all that matters.
I need to go home and put on some fuzzy slippers.
Which kind of remind me of that scary bunny.
I'll go put on something else.
A Little Help's work here is done.
Could we use you as a reference if anyone else wants to crush their best friend's dream? You make it sound like I did something bad.
So is that a yes or a no on the reference? I hope this is the last time I need to play you today.
I'm so deep inside your head, I'm starting to think of inventions.
Electric spoon.
Is that something? I should write that down.
I'm not 100% proud of the fake-ceañera, but at least Ellie's over the idea of being videographer at my real one.
And for once, A Little Help was actually a lot of help.
Don't tell them I said that.
They'll want more money.
I thought about it, and I feel bad I quit as your videographer, especially after you helped me do my project.
I helped, you quit, who's keeping score? I am.
Never give up.
I learned that from you.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
That doesn't sound like me.
Are you sure? It's you.
And, with your inspiration, I cut together some footage from the fake-ceañera, so you'll see the kind of job I'll do at your real one.
I'm back in.
Can we get our $10 now? Not now.
Go! We'll go when you give us our 10 bucks.
- Go.
- [door closes] Wait, are you giving them $10 to pay off Poopy and Goon? I said we're not doing that.
We earned that for messing with Ellie so she wouldn't want to film Harley's quince.
What? I I thought you were going to have my back, not stab me in it.
I did it for you! [door closes] Hey, that's ours! Not anymore.
Thanks for blowing it with Harley.
We could've paid off Poopy and Goon and been done with this.
If you pay a bully, they're just going to do it again.
It's time to teach bad people they can't take advantage of good ones.
I've laid out a series of traps.
[Lewie] Broccoli marshmallows.
TP balls soaked in fruit punch.
Gravy hose.
This is top-notch work.
But wouldn't it just be easier to pay the $10? Besides, you ever clean marshmallow off a gravy hose? It's messy.
Just get Poopy and Goon over here.
They're going to go straight for this fake $10 bill, which is right in the danger zone.
Once they grab it, we are going to unleash a refrigerator's worth of terror upon them with the simple push of a button.
Is that the button that shoots rainbows in the Snoozleberry board game? No.
It's the button that shoots rainbows in the Snoozleberry board game, with a skull sticker on it.
Ellie's not answering her phone or her door.
Can't say I blame her.
But if she had filmed my quince, she would have messed it up and felt even worse.
Yeah, I know I keep saying that, but I have to remind myself why I did this.
And if I ever start to doubt myself, I could just watch the fake-ceañera video she made.
I'm sure it's terrible.
[Ellie] Harley's fake-ceañera.
The party may have been fake, but when it comes to friends, Harley's the real thing.
You're going to crush this next part.
But don't worry, you got this.
I believe in you, Ellie.
I'll be here for you the whole way.
[Ellie] Harley put together this whole practice run just to help me, which is why I want to pay her back and film her real Oh, I forgot to tell you about my last trap.
It's called "the final blow.
" You see, I was trying to think of a secret weapon to beat Poopy and Goon at their own game.
And there's no better ammunition than what you find under Lewie and Beast's beds.
Sadly, I didn't find a weapon.
But I did uncover a secret.
Suddenly, it all made sense.
Poopy and Goon didn't do all that stuff to me.
You did.
The mustard attack.
- [wet explosion] - [Ethan screams] The stink bombs.
- [loud pop] - [Ethan] Ah! Ah! Ah! My poor, poor bike.
You have quite the imagination.
Do I? Because I found something else under your bed.
Your yearbook.
Poopy and Goon.
Class pets.
Game over.
Okay, okay, fine.
We made up Poopy and Goon to get what we want.
Extra cake at a birthday party? Poopy and Goon need a slice.
Don't want to do chores? Sorry, playdate with Poopy and Goon.
Need $10 for a dinosaur tooth? Tell your brother you owe Poopy and Goon money.
It's just what people do.
No, it's not what people do.
Luckily, I outplayed you to get to this very moment.
Oh? This moment? When we're about to spring all your traps on you? We have the button.
And you're in the danger zone.
Goodbye, brother.
[button buzzes] No.
This moment, where I reveal that that's not the real button, and this isn't the real danger zone.
Like I said, it's time to teach bad people that they can't take advantage of good ones.
[all scream] Aww.
It looks like you guys could use A Little Help.
I wanted to make sure you opened the door.
But I do have something to deliver.
An apology.
I'm really sorry.
I watched the video.
You made a real jerk look like a good friend.
And anyone that talented is more than qualified to film my big day.
Not that you'd want to anymore.
I don't.
You're still mad at me.
Okay, well [sighs] No.
The fake-ceañera actually did teach me something.
If I'm behind the camera, I won't be a part of anything that's happening in front of it with my best friend.
[Harley] Doing the right thing isn't always easy.
Sometimes it means making the right decision.
I think I've finally realized how to make sure Harley gets the perfect dessert.
Get them all so we don't have to pick? Dessert table it is.
Sometimes it means teaching the right lesson.
What happened here? You will never believe this.
Poopy and Goon! [all giggle] Ugh, they're the worst.
Thank you, Ethan.
You're welcome.
Now that'll be $10.
[all laugh] All right, back to work.
- [all shouting] - [Harley] And sometimes it means learning a lesson you should have known all along.
I could do something else special for your quince.
I've been taking sewing lessons at school.
I could make your dress.
Friends matter most.
That sounds great.
- I'm kidding.
- Oh, thank goodness.
[laughs] [both laugh]