Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006) s01e08 Episode Script

Nevada Day, Part II

Previously on Studio 60: The Bible says it's a sin.
It also says, "Judge not lest ye be judged.
" And it was something for smarter people than me to decide.
- Call me a fag! If people were talking Call me a faggot.
- Say what you want but stand back.
- You have right to speak to an attorney.
Tom got arrested.
We came out of dinner and guys got Harriet for the gay marriage in The Post.
Tom tried to break it up, pushed one of them and the guy's pressing charges.
Does Tom Jeter have a girlfriend? She wants to meet Tim Jeter from Studio 60.
- Tom Jeter.
- She's gonna be our way into Macau.
We're this close.
I just drove us 99 yards down the field.
Take it the last yard.
Is Zhiang gonna base his decision on $ 100 million? Who knows what the hell guides his decisions.
Might be a 19-year-old viola player.
Post ran an excerpt from my ex-husband's book.
- Saying what? - I don't like children don't wanna have, I'd never hire a woman with children.
We're all gonna get on the NBS jet and go to Pahrump, Nevada.
We got a problem because I don't like your television program.
It's condescending and smartass.
- You tell them why you were speeding? - No.
- Tell them why you were speeding.
- Why not? - Because.
Well, it all started like this, Harriet was born and became a homophobe.
Thank you.
So Tom had to fend off some gay street toughs, one of whom is pressing charges.
From there, they found an outstanding warrant for failing to appear for a speeding ticket in a place called Pahrump, Nevada.
Tom had borrowed Simon's jacket and the rest you know.
I have every hope they'll get back for dress, but if they're not - Alex? - I'm sorry, man, Pahrump? - It's a funny name, let's get past it.
- Done.
I'm gonna rewrite Tom's sketches for Jeannie - What are you laughing at? Still Pahrump.
- Is Tom in jail in a Marx Brothers movie? - That's good.
That's funny.
Keep that sense of humor, you'll need it waiting tables at the Hooters in Santa Monica.
- Yes.
Start looking at Tom's part in the "Visa Customer Service" sketch.
I can help you with that.
Look at "Red Carpet at the Nobel Prize.
" My first thought was that Harry would do the news alone but I don't think that's a good idea.
- It's not.
- It needs the Ping-Pong.
Dylan, guess what.
- What? You'll do the news with Harry if Simon doesn't make it back.
- No.
- We can start working out a little bit.
- You'll be good.
- No, that's Simon's chair.
I know, but And I can't believe I really get a chance to say this.
The show must go on.
Let me hear the Lifetime Television Network Movie Achievement Awards.
Nominees for Best Writing on a Dramatic Movie Miniseries are: Debbie, Leave Him: - The Debbie Lieberman Story.
- Okay.
Maggie, He's Hurting You: Margaret McCastleman Story.
- Go.
- Matt.
- Go! I gotta write.
- Stephanie, Run While He Sleeps: The Stephanie Davis Story.
Get out.
- You honestly think I'm a homophobe? - I really can't - You honestly think? - Yes.
Yes, I do, and you know why? Because you are.
Now, go to work.
- I said, the Bible says - Yeah, yeah.
Don't "yeah, yeah" me.
And seems to me every Democrat on a ballot answers the same question by talking about civil unions and leaving it up to the states I don't need reminding that my party is full to brimming with panderers and mediocrity.
What's wrong with civil unions and why shouldn't? No way to get to the end of that sentence without saying that homosexual love is less than heterosexual love.
And watching you trip all over it makes me wanna hit you in the head with Liberace.
Go work with Dylan.
Did you just punch the wall? - Yeah.
- Did the wall have it coming? - The wall was a victim of anger.
If you examine it, it's a veritable hieroglyphic of meetings in Matt's office.
- Your hand is bleeding.
- I'm fine.
- Matt's free, you can go in and see him.
- I came to talk to you.
- You know what I love about Brazil? - The country? - Yeah, the country.
- No? In Brazil, you're not allowed to be a journalist without two things: A degree in journalism and a license.
This has in no way hampered freedom of speech or freedom of the press.
As the requirement of a law degree and a license has in no way hampered an American's ability to become a lawyer.
Listen to me.
I said, the Bible says it's a sin, but it also says: "Judge not lest ye be judged.
" So it's up to smarter people than me to decide.
That's what I said.
It's been two days now and I still haven't had anyone explain to me the crime I committed.
No one's saying you committed a crime.
Quite a few people are saying it.
That's why I'm talking to you.
- Jordan Here's how I need you to fix it.
By going on the cover of Newsweek and saying I'm gay? Would you be willing to do that? I'm kidding.
- Sometimes it's hard to tell.
- I'm dry.
I know.
- No, I want you to do nothing.
This one doesn't live unless we give it air.
When it comes to doing press, I'm happiest doing nothing.
No, I wasn't talking about press.
I'm talking about the concerts.
Women United Through Faith, what about them? You have six concert appearances scheduled with them on six consecutive Mondays.
- Yeah.
You shouldn't be appearing in front of groups that oppose gay marriage.
- Are you censoring me? - Don't put it like that.
- Give me another way to put it.
- Harry I grew up with Women United.
I was a teenager when my mom died.
- She asked them to look out for me.
- Harry I don't agree with everything they believe in nor everything you believe in.
- Doesn't stop me from working for you.
- I understand.
I do "Crazy Christians," "Science Schmience," "Cheeses of Nazareth," I - "Cheeses of Nazareth"? - It's Matthew's latest.
Cheddar, Port-Salut, Gouda, all from the Holy Land.
"Cheeses of Nazareth.
" - That's a little funny.
- Yes, it is, they all are.
I'm saying they are, so why can't I go out? Young girls attend these events.
They admire me.
I'm in a position to show them Christianity has a nicer voice than Ann Coulter's.
Carol Channing has a nicer voice than Ann Coulter's.
I couldn't admire you more for the time and energy you devote to groups like this.
Aside from the negative attention it'll bring to the show I'm concerned about your career, that you wouldn't recover.
- Please - Series television, features, record labels.
You have more doors open to you than anybody and they'll close if what you're most famous for is being a gay basher.
- I'm not.
I know.
So please, sit down for six weeks.
My career will be fine.
I'm sure you're right, but for a second opinion, let's go ask Anita Bryant.
She was a gay basher and she had to be something because she sure wasn't talented.
- I'm not Anita Bryant.
- Like I don't know that.
Harry, really.
Friend to friend, okay? You trust the media and the American public to make the distinction? - You're just thinking of me? - No.
I'm thinking of you but I'm not allowed to just think of you.
You know that I wouldn't ask something like this if I didn't think it was serious.
You know the network doesn't actually have a say in this, right? It's producers' discretion.
- Matt's in his office? - Yes.
When I leave, don't hit the wall with your knuckles, okay? - Hello? - It's Danny.
Danny who? - Danny Tripp! I know, I was being dry.
Why don't people ever get that? - Well, for one thing - And then I was being rhetorical.
- What's going on over there? We're gonna be fine.
The judge left the room to take a call from a guy in the governor's office.
Judge's name is Bobby Bebe.
I'm in the middle of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Jack's raised a lot of money for the governor.
- That's why we'll be out here in a minute.
- Good.
- Listen.
- What? - Jack and I had a conversation on the plane.
About what? Not important.
I wanna know what you and Shelly are doing about this round of press.
- With Harriet? - With you.
You don't want kids, don't like kids, don't wanna hire women who have kids.
What are you doing about it? I've been reading this book Oliver Twist and sounds like the best thing for me to do is to get bunch of them in my root cellar, set them to work for me as pickpockets.
- You're being dry? - Yes.
Okay, well, you're also being an idiot.
- That's not out of the question.
- Suit yourself.
I usually do.
- Excuse me.
Yes, ma'am? Would you mind taking a picture of Tom and me? You know I'm Simon Stiles, right? I'm on the show too.
- Yes.
- Take the picture.
- Hey, Kim, is that the new Nikon S10? - I just got it.
- Can I see it? - Sure.
Oh, no.
I'm so sorry.
I I dropped your camera on the ground.
I owe you a new camera.
I feel terrible.
What is the matter with you? For starters, I'm in Pahrump, Nevada, and I have a show in six hours.
When the man comes back, tell why you were speeding.
I received some instructions from the statehouse.
Sorry to throw the weight of the governor's office, but this is an urgent matter.
So if you could just set bail.
The instructions were to be very careful not to show Mr.
Jeter any special treatment.
Apparently, Mr.
Rudolph, you're a big contributor and fundraiser for the governor and he's a little sensitive about that.
- Really? Yes, sir.
Well, I guess now I'm a little bit sensitive about that myself.
Who's hungry? Best diner in the state's right across the road.
- You don't wanna miss this.
- We have a time problem Boone, you hungry? - Yes, judge.
We can't let you stay all alone in the sheriff's office so you just have to come along.
Grab the prisoner.
We'll buy him a slice of pie.
Thanks, Mindy.
How do you get your hair to do that, Sammy? - What? - How do you get your hair to do that? My name is Simon, Your Honor.
- I keep forgetting that.
- Yes, you do, sir.
- Are those cornrows? - No.
- Dead bolts? Dreadlocks.
- Dreadlocks? - No, sir, they're called twists.
- Twists? - Is this for real? Your Honor, this is outrageous.
I'd tell you that absent a court reporter, I have been tape-recording this proceeding.
Good for you, Matlock.
Jeter, you were cited for speeding on August 16th.
Deputy, why does that date sound familiar? That was the protest at Nellis, judge.
You were called to Clark County to help Judge Martin.
War protest over at Nellis.
A hundred arrests.
Feature this: A protester was injured during the demonstration.
He got trampled, he broke his leg and two ribs.
He is now suing the U.
Air Force because the injuries were sustained on government property.
What do you think about that? - Sir - The guy suing the base.
What does this have to do with Mr.
Jeter? - August 16th.
Were you at that protest? - No, sir.
- No? - No, sir, I was in Reno.
What was your hurry? - Tom.
No hurry, I took my eye off the speedometer.
You don't need a speedometer to know you're going 120.
- Is the man gonna be arraigned? - Yes, he is.
- Can you tell me when? - No, sir, I cannot.
And why not, sir? If you'll look around, you will notice we are missing someone.
A representative of the people of Nye County.
- He needs a prosecutor.
- Thank you, Matlock.
Assistant District Attorney Finney has been called from his paintball competition and is on his way.
I cannot formally hear and rule on Mr.
Jeter unless both sides are present.
What I can do is make PCD That's "probable cause determination.
" - And throw Mr.
Jeter into jail until the next business day.
In this situation, are you allowed to pretty much do anything you want? Why you think I'm smiling? So you use some kind of conditioner on that hair? - Man.
You hear anything? - I'm waiting for a call.
- Me too.
- Does Simon know that use is a felony? - He doesn't care.
Matt? Yeah? - Danny.
- Pick up.
- Hey.
- It's Cal too.
What's going on? They're bringing an ADA in from a paintball competition.
A paintball competition? Yeah, the judge can't do anything without a prosecutor.
You'll come back? People ask questions as if I know what I'm doing.
- I know the feeling.
- Danny I'm getting rehearsal feed off the Internet, I'm in touch with all the department heads.
- We're fine.
No, we're not.
No, we're not, but we will be.
- You ever do that? What? - Paintball? - No.
Me neither.
- Wanna talk about it some more? - No.
- Can I ask you something? Yes.
Sometimes I hear people calling other people "sir.
" There doesn't seem to be a pattern to when and who.
I don't wanna be impolite, but I don't wanna look like an idiot either, so - What? - Who gets called "sir"? - I'm working on a sketch right now.
- Okay.
There are no rules to it, it'll come naturally.
Like calling a conductor "maestro" when he's in the vicinity of the podium.
The nearer we get to Friday night, the more you'll hear Matt and Danny called "sir.
" Cal too.
Department heads, anybody who deserves it.
It's not a big deal.
- Is this a white people thing or? - I'm not white, Darius, I'm English.
Put that line in a damn sketch.
In an effort to uncover pirated DVDs the Motion Picture Association of America began the use of trained dogs at London's Heathrow Airport.
The dogs uncovered more than $60,000 worth of stolen movies but seemed completely uninterested in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde.
The U.
Immigration Dept.
Is teaming up with the Dept.
Of Homeland Security to use the citizenship test to root out terrorist cells.
As a result, question number 90, "Where is the White House located?" will be changed to, "Why the hell are you looking for the White House?" - Dylan? - Russia's Interfax news agency is Here's your camera.
Russia's Interfax news agency is reporting that researchers at the Plant Inst I'm sorry.
The country's Plant Inst - Let me take that again.
Look at me.
Okay, go.
Russia's Interfax news agency is reporting that researchers at the Plant Institute in St.
Petersburg have invented a strain of cannabis.
One that is free of mind-altering properties.
Here at News 60 our question is, why? - That may not work.
- Is Simon getting back? We don't know yet.
Let me have you one second.
Former NBA star and TBS basketball analyst Jordan spoke about the concerts.
Producers' discretion.
Gonna be punitive? - What do you mean? - You don't like the people I'm singing for - Yeah, that sounds like me.
This group means a lot.
They're family.
- I'm not saying you can't do it.
- Thank you.
- I think it's dumb to do it.
- You know what? When George Michael does some guy in a bathroom Woody Allen marries his daughter or a molester gets an Oscar nomination it doesn't give Hollywood a moral authority on sexual behavior.
Hollywood? Who else are you talking to? You say Hollywood like, A, you're not a part of it and B, we all get together to decide what we think.
I've worked in Hollywood, I've never been with people who agree with each other.
All right, keep talking.
I have to call back my agent because I know this is gonna be good news.
By the way, you know what never happens? An evangelical preacher getting caught with his secretary or hooker, we never see that.
Absolutely nobody is listening to you.
So I've learned after 35 years.
Here at News 60 our question is, why? Oh, my God.
It works if Simon's saying it.
- What works? The punchline.
"Here at News 60 our question is, why?" Works if Simon's doing it.
Or Alex.
- Dylan - Give this to Alex.
Why are you the only guy who's looking for less camera time? I don't know how to play it.
Do you want me to act sincere? I don't want you to act at all.
Pick up your cues, aim for the end of the line, just Don't do a character.
This is Dylan Killington doing the news.
Because on the rundown so far, Alex can make the wardrobe change.
- Wardrobe needs to fit him for a suit.
They did.
Sorry, Dylan, let's get back to it.
What did she want? I'm gonna get whacked by The Advocate for being intolerant.
- Lf that's the worst that happens - It's not.
I've been asked not to appear at the Women United Through Faith concerts.
- Why? - For not being intolerant enough.
- Talk about - Shut up.
You live off Mulholland.
There are other streets in the country where marriage is important.
It's important off Mulholland too.
But let me ask you something.
How is my marriage, your marriage or anyone else's marriage marginally affected by the gay couple two doors down getting married? And if it is, how does that become their problem? Relax.
Let's go from the top.
Jack, you know the thing's not true, right? - With Jordan? - Yeah, this kid thing.
She said it because she didn't want When are you defending her? I thought you didn't like her.
- Me? Yeah.
I mean, you know, I don't like network presidents vocationally.
It's not personal.
She's only been doing it six weeks.
Her only big move has been Studio 60, and Studio 60's working.
- It is? Where are we right now? - This isn't her fault.
It's not mine either, but that's not what Wilson White's gonna say.
I'm sorry it took me a bit to get here.
It's all right.
Here's your file.
Sorry, judge, left the safety off.
Yes, sir, you almost hit the chairman of NBS.
Shepherd, Matlock, you're up.
Let's go back across the street and administer some justice.
"Judgmental Credit Card Rep" is up.
Alex, Samantha, item nine.
- This is for camera marks, let's go to one.
- Ring.
Hello? Mr.
McCallister? Speaking.
This is Miss Jenning with Visa Customer Service.
We're calling to inquire about some unusual activity with your Visa card.
Can you tell me where you last used your card? Sure, I think it was at the Ralph Lauren store on Rodeo.
Can you tell me what you purchased? A pair of socks.
- And can you tell me what you paid? I think about $60.
Oh, that's a lot of money for sock, don't you think? Excuse me? I say $60 is a lot of money for sock.
Well, what do you care? No reason to be rude, sir.
Were the socks a gift or were they for yourself? Look, is there a problem with my card? Paying $60 for sock on Rodeo Drive when there's three pair for 9.
99 at Wal-Mart I don't think the problem is with your card, sir.
All right.
Thank you.
We move to item 10.
News 60.
Harriet, Dylan.
- Matt? - Yeah.
- You hear anything? - They'll be back in time.
But let's cover ourselves.
Because watching Alex, it really seems to me like What is your problem? Your rehearsal before was fine, you'll be fine, be yourself.
- I can't just be myself.
- Why? Because I'm not Robert Redford.
I'll be honest with you, Dylan, I really don't, you know I don't pay attention to other men's bodies.
- Yeah, he's not homophobic.
- Homophobic in a way that makes sense.
- Matt - I don't want you doing anything that you're uncomfortable with.
If you feel better with characters, voices and wigs, that's fine.
- Alex.
- Thank you.
Yes, sir.
- Pretend you're talking to me for a second.
- Okay.
When I say "now," you'll look over at the News 60 desk with nervous concern mixed with eager anticipation.
- Okay.
- Now.
What? How was that? I could use another take for safety, but we'll live with it.
Hey, Dylan.
- She's talking to me? - Hey - Don't flirt with me, rook.
You should be getting ready for the news.
Alex is gonna do it if Simon doesn't make it back.
- Why? - Matt's call.
I wonder why.
I saw your rehearsal before and I thought it was good.
It showed a new side of you.
And I was looking forward to seeing you in a dark-blue suit.
- Yeah? - Don't flirt with me, rook.
Yes, ma'am.
How come I never get to be the sexy shill? - She is money in the bank.
- Yes, I know.
Matt? Dylan, what can I do for you? That's a little personal, sir.
- Yes.
I'm sorry, you withdraw the question or you don't care? I don't care.
I had said to my ex-husband that I didn't wanna have children because I didn't want children with him.
- Oh.
Well, you know what Mark Twain said.
"They're after us, Jim, now lay into that pole!" "A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting its shoes on.
" Much more germane to the situation.
Within the scope of TMG, NBS is a drop in the bucket.
Content may be king, but distribution pays the king's mortgage.
With the entertainment division's I sometimes wonder why I bother.
- Sir - But I don't wonder for long.
Because NBS will always be the public face of TMG.
Our broadband service has never landed us on the cover of TIME.
And no TMG board member has ever had to account for our theme parks at a Princeton Parents' Day Weekend.
- But they have to account for me.
- Yeah.
It's much ado about nothing, Wilson.
It's a combination of a bottom-feeding ex-husband, coat-holding media outlets some of which, sir, are owned by TMG and religious groups angry over the fact that I I don't care.
Make it stop.
Danny Tripp.
You screw up this TMG deal in China and I'm gonna hire real Germans to kill you.
I don't have anything to do with the deal in China.
Neither do I, so deal with it.
- What's going on there? - There's now an assistant DA here.
In Thunderdome.
He's looking over the file and they'll all get into it in a minute.
Let me know when your cast is out of jail.
Well, we got a reckless driving.
Willful and wanton disregard for public safety causing death, bodily injury and harm.
A speeding ticket.
Assault and battery charge.
- He stepped in between - That's the purview of L.
And the FTA, failure to appear, which ups the whole thing to a Category B felony.
Category A includes murder, so you don't wanna get too high up on that alphabet.
- And the marijuana in the jacket.
- Which is mine.
Possession's just a misdemeanor but the joint was half-smoked, suggesting use, which is a felony.
- Thank God it is.
Jack We should get these dangerous pot smokers off the streets than a run on Pop-Tarts at the grocery stores.
- Are you mouthing off to this court? - Yes, I am, judge.
That's what happens when I've been screwed by someone other than my wife.
- Jack Judge Been playing with us like we're a toy because you think it's funny.
- Judge How is that different from what these guys do Friday night? These guys aren't the law, they don't wear a frigging robe.
- Jack, really, he needs a lawyer.
- I am a lawyer.
And Buffalo Bob and his sister Sue over here are gonna keep Tom in jail because they don't like Studio 60.
Deputy, handcuff Mr.
Rudolph charge him with contempt and read him Miranda.
You can tell the governor he can find a new ATM machine.
Deputy, hang on.
That prisoner guy's got some kind of alarm bracelet.
Looks like a military thing.
I don't know what it means, but Mr.
Jeter, come here, let me see your wrist.
Isn't that an illegal search? He's under arrest.
I can search whatever I want, and I just wanna see his wrist.
- How much do you pay this guy? - He's a copyright lawyer.
- Now they tell me.
Let me see your wrist.
You weren't protesting at Nellis.
- You were driving to Nellis.
- Finally.
- You were driving to Nellis, right? - Yes, sir.
- Mark Jeter, he's your brother? - Yes, sir.
Older or younger? - He's my little brother.
- What's going on? Mr.
Jeter's younger brother is a staff sergeant with the 820th Red Horse Squadron deployed out of Nellis Air Force Base.
You know what Red Horse does? They go into war zones and they build things incredibly fast.
A hospital in three days.
Roads, bridges.
Is it dangerous? You wanna go to a Taliban-controlled region of Afghanistan right now with an American flag on your shoulder and build a school? Why didn't you say anything? This isn't his first tour, is it? It's his third.
You see, Staff Sergeant Jeter's just playing Russian roulette at this point because you should see what happens to the casualty numbers with multiple tours.
He didn't want his little brother's last act on this earth to be getting him out of a speeding ticket.
- I'm right, right? - Yes, sir.
What do you know, I'm Agatha Christie.
On my own motion I moved to dismiss all the charges in my jurisdiction against Mr.
I do so in the interest of - Well, really, just because I feel like it.
- Thank you, sir.
Stiles and Mr.
Rudolph, they're both friends of yours? Yes, sir.
- You sure? - Yes, sir.
- You're absolutely sure? Yes, sir.
- Deputy, can I see that evidence bag? - No, sir, we've lost the evidence bag.
Well, what do you know about that.
Well, Sammy, citing lack of corpus That's evidence to you.
- I do not accept the charges of possession or use.
And, Mr.
Rudolph, we'll just chalk you up to being an Ivy League tight-ass who needs a vacation.
- That should go for me too.
Don't press your luck, funny man.
And stop thinking everybody between Fifth Avenue and the Hollywood Bowl just stepped barefoot out of the cast of Hee Haw.
Tell your friends about it.
You're all excused.
- Are we flying as fast as we can? - Captain said we were.
Doesn't seem like we're flying as fast as we can.
It's hard to gauge air speed.
- But we're not trying to conserve energy? - No.
Because this is no time to get serious about global warming.
The pilot's flying as fast as the plane will go, and that's pretty fast.
We're not being slowed down by the fact that you're making salad for everyone, right? No.
- What do you want? - Good thing about Jordan: Anytime something goes wrong, you can blame her.
- That's the best you can do? - True.
I talked to her.
Wilson White's ready to blame her if the China deal falls through.
I can assure you that Wilson will assign a healthy portion of the blame to me.
Not everybody can afford to be indifferent toward making money as you are.
Yeah, but you're somebody who can afford to be.
You're already rich, Jack, why not be a broadcaster now? - Oh, get away from me! - I'm saying You sit over there in your theater I sit over there in my theater? You have no idea what I do.
If you had my job for a day, you'd sit in the room and cry.
Maybe, but if you had my job for a day you'd lose a couple hundred million of other people's dollars and not care.
NBS would be number one within a mile radius of Zabar's and the Chateau Marmont.
You call me an elitist, but I'm not the one who thinks shows need to be dumber to work in Central and Mountain Time.
- She's got a paper.
What? The kid, she's got one of the tabloids.
Move, move.
Hey, folks.
- Reading the papers? - Yes.
You mind if I check something out? When you borrowed my camera, you broke it.
Can't really break a newspaper.
When I'm done.
I'm looking for the celebrity gossip.
- You know what's fun? The Jumbles.
- They're pretty easy.
Well, it's not like the challenge of celebrity gossip, but it passes the time.
You tell your father we appreciate him flying in more than one direction even though it is my company's plane? He knows.
- Any chance you'll tell him again, anyway? - No, he knows.
Talk to her.
I don't want her dad to see about Jordan in the gossip columns.
- What is there about Jordan in the gossip? - Just do it.
We flying as fast as we can go? - Hi.
How are you? I'm good.
Russia's Interfax news agency is reporting that researchers at the country's Plant Institute in St.
Petersburg Hey.
They're back.
- Great.
- Thanks.
You got it.
You look good in that suit.
- I mean, I don't, you know, check out - Yeah.
- You should get in costume for dress.
- Sure.
Annie Got Her Gun: The Annie McNichol Story.
Laugh all you want, Sam, but you're their target demo.
We'll start the dress late.
Fifteen minutes, a couple of hours, depending on traffic.
- Okay.
- We'll be doing the dress at 8:30 and broadcasting it.
- Start the dress late, word will get out? - Yes.
- Press inquiries? - Yes.
We need a believable excuse.
We're the Keystone Cops and we feel lucky when everybody finds the building much less start dress rehearsal on time.
- Well, they'll buy that.
- Yeah.
I was wondering if you'd look at a sketch.
- You're pitching me Friday at 5:15? It's not for tonight.
- I was hoping for some feedback.
- Show it to Ricky and Ron.
- I'm finding it difficult to get their attention.
- There's a guy - I'm having difficulty getting their attention! - Okay.
- And you're here for? - The learning experience.
It's a parody of the board game Operation.
You know the game? There's a body and the players remove parts with tweezers without I know the game.
"Operation on a single girl.
Show a cardboard cutout of a woman and plastic parts to be removed with surgeon-like precision.
A group of single men sit around the game and laugh while taking turns with the tweezers.
'Let's take out her self-esteem.
Her dreams.
' 'Hey, what's this? You got her soul! My turn, my turn! I wanna get the vulnerable part.
"' It's good so far.
Can I ask, by any chance, did you just have a bad breakup with a boyfriend? Uh It's okay.
It's all right.
Let it out.
Ow! Okay.
Ow! Ow! Okay, okay.
All right, everybody out.
Let's go.
- Get up.
- Go downstairs.
- We've got another car waiting for you Dad.
Right over here.
When we talked about Jordan, that was me talking to you.
Okay? Yeah.
He says, "Just a moment, please.
" She's got the gossip news on her BlackBerry.
Drunken driving? Sex clubs and pornography? She objects to women having children? Of course she doesn't object to women This woman has brought shame to your company.
I'm sorry for my father.
He's very much set in old and maybe clichéd ways of honor.
- Is that right? Yeah.
Why don't you tell your father he can take his business to Time Warner? - You don't really want me to Tell him.
My company doesn't have honor? One of my guys spent the day in different police stations because he came to the defense of a woman who was being abused.
He could've been out of it easy if he'd played the support-our-troops card but he won't minimize the sacrifice of his brother and his buddies.
Simon Stiles has prior convictions but with the Budweiser Clydesdales, you could not stop him from making it clear that this marijuana was his.
This guy?! I don't know what the hell he was doing.
Except trying to convince me that Jordan McDeere has been all over the gossip pages because when she was 25 she married a fraction of a man.
And this man has been telling tales, both true and false in the hope of selling a book and working the talk shows.
Sir, of all Jordan McDeere's faults And there are many.
- Lack of honor is not among them.
She's killing me with her honor.
So I'm sorry, Mr.
Zhiang, you have insulted me and you have insulted my company and you should take your business to Time Warner! This is my fault.
I translated wrong.
He said that it's the ex-husband that brought dishonor upon himself by speaking.
It's a subtle grammatical nuance.
Important one, though, wouldn't you say? All right, well, I'm gonna go inside, but, Jack I could kiss you all over the face right now.
Nice meeting you all.
I don't have a seat on the board.
She's in trouble.
And if you have any influence over her at all, now's the time to use it.
All right, let's take this from the top.
I heard you were good.
- Oh, man, you're back.
- Yeah.
Oh, you're a sight for sore eyes.
Tom's okay? - Yeah.
I heard you were good.
- No, no.
- I heard you owned it.
- No.
I'm back in a Santa suit where I belong.
I talked to Danny, and just now to Matt.
I feel bad, you've been working all day.
You share the desk with me and Harriet tonight.
- You sure? - Yeah.
That's your chair.
Well, thank you, sir.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
I thought he was the one.
I thought he was the man I was gonna grow old with.
But he just used me for sex.
I'm sorry, I can't understand you.
"I thought he was the one.
I thought he was the man I was gonna grow old with, but he just used me for sex.
" Welcome back.
Put it into the writing, we need you now.
- Do not tell her to put it into the writing.
Let's go.
See how I did that? Well, I loosened the ketchup bottle a little.
I was here for her.
I'm gonna go around the building, settle everyone, have them take a deep breath.
- You're the one who started all this! - I know! Okay! Okay, I'm gonna go downstairs.
Hey, there's a diner in Pahrump you gotta eat there.
You've never tasted food this good.
- Got a judge who knows what he's doing.
- I'll see you after the dress.
What? A simple life and a job, a living wage.
It's what most people want.
A safe place to raise kids.
And the world is changing too fast for them.
How about giving the rest of the world a little time to catch up? I'd have said that to Martin Luther King.
"Give us a minute to be white and racist before marching through Montgomery.
" - Don't compare being black to being gay.
- What the hell's the? The difference is that black people have lived openly as black people for 400 years before civil rights.
For 400 years.
Gay people have lived openly for about 30.
- Tough.
- Matt.
That doesn't mean you say to a reporter I said, the Bible says it's a sin but it also says, "Judge not lest ye be judged.
" I said, I don't know.
Three words that would make a nice addition to your vocabulary.
Harry, I can't believe you didn't tell me about it when it - What would you have done? - That was supposed to be me in jail.
I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting you.
From gay street toughs.
That was supposed to be me.
God, Matthew.
Are you crazy about me or just crazy? I don't know.
Now he learns how to say it.