Succession (2018) s02e03 Episode Script


1 Tom, it's Waystar.
He offered it to me.
To be next.
I thought that it was something that we wanted for me, to have it.
Me is just a modification of the plan.
That's q quite a big modification.
GIL EAVIS: You live in a kind of a bubble and your connections to Tom, ATN, are a distraction.
Well you know what, I'm out.
I needed a place in the city because I'm still applying for the job of president of the United States.
Never done nothing, never, to most important job in the world? LOGAN ROY: What do you think about Pierce? Buying? PGM? SHIV ROY: Think that's chasing the white whale.
Is it wise to fire the board? Take it like a fucking man.
You tried to kill me, but you failed.
We need a way forward on the Vaulter problem ahead of investor meetings in two days' time.
Doesn't fit with our core, you know, values.
So now I'm thinking, we just shutter the fucker.
I mean, it makes us look weak.
No, it makes us look ruthless.
Your brother's right.
Gut it.
I'm afraid I have to inform you, you're all fired.
We're already fully operation on seven.
Why? Because my dad told me to.
You did good, son.
Make yourself at home.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) Obviously, this is daunting, writing a biography.
A serious study of a man like Logan Roy, I Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me.
Uh, but just to be clear, uh, this isn't a meeting.
This is a precursor to see if I might be willing to meet.
You were very clear about your concerns.
Because actually meeting you would be a big step.
- Uh-huh.
- I'm a time-pressed executive, so before we even get to the ethical considerations, can I eke out time in my calendar? Of course.
Um On the other hand, I don't think it's too self-aggrandizing to hope I might have some wisdom to impart.
There's no time like the present, - right? - It would need to be discreet.
I don't wanna make my uncle mad, because he can be, uh Well, he can be scary, vindictive, paranoid - Oh, yeah.
- violent (MUTTERS) Scary, vindictive Wait, I'm sorry.
Uh No, no, no.
None of this I'm not actually saying that.
- Yet.
- Oh.
Would you like this meeting to be on background? But this isn't You can't say I said anything.
But you did.
Look, Greg, if you want this to be anonymous, you have to say that from the outset.
You can't do that retroactively.
But no, because this isn't a meeting.
- This You can't - Look - That's not fair.
That's unfair.
- Greg, I am writing this biography.
I am going to cover Logan Roy's life and work.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I really have no doubt that you have been to a bunch of meetings, and you have done a bunch of things.
So, my question is: Do you want to present your side, or are you happy for everyone else to tell their version? (GREG EXHALES SHARPLY) Okay, I need to think.
I need I'm gonna go, I I'm But this leaving How I look, and how I'm getting up and everything, is off the record, okay? - Thank you, ma'am.
- (CHAIR SCRAPES) ("SUCCESSION" THEME MUSIC BEGINS) Succession 2x03 Hunting DOCTOR: So you're still getting the stiffness? Neck and shoulders.
Chest pains, too, I heard.
(SIGHS) Pain.
One pain.
That's 'cause you've got me working out so fuckin' much.
I'm Johnny fuckin' Weissmuller here.
And the meds we've got you on, well, you let me know if you suffer from any anxiety, paranoia, - irritation - Oh, fuck off.
They're trying to destroy my life's work.
Maria just called about Mo.
She was wondering if you'd like to go to the hospice.
Oh, I'll let them know, yes.
Should I schedule a visit? She says he's probably only got a matter of a week or two.
Nah, remind me in a week or two.
And Shiv's on the line.
I'll do her after the proxy meet.
Uh, pencil it for midnight.
DOCTOR: Can I suggest you look for some downtime? Could you sit out the corporate retreat this year? (SIGHS) Let them do the meet without me? (CHUCKLES) While the cat's away, I don't fuckin' think so.
So how we looking? I've burned villages and overthrown governments on your behalf, and I believe with the right offer, correctly couched, uh, we could be at a "maybe".
Maybe? So? Just taking five to regroup.
I've got three banks, 50 lawyers, two PR agencies, DF Kings, and an army of private dicks trying to fight this takeover, but take five to eat my pastries, why don't ya? Uh, we were actually at, uh, something of an impasse, um There were some doubts as to whether, you know, an acquisition is really what we need right now.
LOGAN ROY: Uh-huh.
It is.
The bigger the better.
And I have it.
We're going for PGM.
G Great.
- TOM WAMBSGANS: That's chunky.
- LOGAN: Nice and chunky.
We leverage up and eat Pierce, we're too big for Sandy and Stewy to come for.
They'd fucking choke.
GERRI KELLMAN: Could be a great move.
It's an, um, interesting challenge, because last time we tried it, their surrogates called us "cultural vandals", and "poison in the well of public discourse".
(CHUCKLES) Well times have changed.
Um, I I don't wanna say too much.
Oh, some of the young cousins want yacht money? Well, it's it's delicate, um, like French kissing an armadillo.
LOGAN: We're gonna fucking eat them up.
- Good? - Yeah.
Let's do it.
- I like it.
- ROMAN ROY: Oh, fuck off, dude.
Don't be such a suck-up.
It's pathetic.
What about you, Romulus? Uh, I fucking love it, but that's my honest opinion.
We all like this? (ALL ASSENTING) Pierce Why does he keep coming back to this? I just You know, I wanna understand.
KENDALL ROY: Uh, because it's a force multiplier.
Once sector, many brands.
Plus PGM is basically plug and play for us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's 'cause Uncle Ewan watches it.
It's his favorite news, so Dad wants to buy it - to piss him off.
- KARL: What, for 20 billion? Well, can't he just take the batteries out of his remote? Well, Pierce also own the New York Mail, and we fucking hate the Mail.
Logan loaned a number of ancient Greek military artifacts to the Getty Villa, and held a drinks reception.
The Mail did a hit piece.
They said he served warm white wine, and that he thought Plato was one of the Marx brothers.
And to avenge that four inches of newsprint, we are rolling the dice on a 20-billion-dollar crapshoot.
So Okay, I mean, yeah.
If there are doubts, let's - let's air them.
- (KARL SCOFFS) - No, I - KENDALL: Because you're right, if the debt from an acquisition like this became unmanageable, we could death-spiral, and then, uh, we'd all go down with the ship.
It would be a reputational and financial disaster for all of us.
Right? ROMAN: What are you saying, Ken? No, I'm just gauging the room.
No, it's nonetheless extremely exciting.
Oh, yeah.
No, no.
I I I like it.
- Good.
- Good.
Let's, uh Let's bag this elephant for Dad.
ROMAN: Yeah.
Let's do it.
Let's bone this turkey.
So, Pierce is the answer.
Those blue-blooded fucks.
The business answer.
They take over defense.
It's the whole thing.
So what's next? Uh, the tough part is contact with the family.
We need a pair of safe hands.
Dainty hands, in exquisite mittens.
Who's our most pointy-headed fuck? Well, it's a shame Uh, but you did have one heavyweight that they liked.
Old Bore Vidal.
Oh, yeah.
They all love fucking Shakespeare Frank.
What? Frank? Yeah fuckin' right! Oh.
Dad, no.
Frank does have friends in dry places.
He's close to Nam Pierce, uh, Naomi.
LOGAN: You think he'd come back? (KENDALL SIGHS) Yeah, maybe.
He's power-hungry and status-obsessed, and, you know, avaricious, - so - And pretty much your godfather, - and your closest business - KENDALL: Those are just facts.
This is fuckin' bullshit.
Jesus Christ.
I think he knows he did bad.
Oh, fuck.
I swear to God, Dad, if you bring him back, I am walking.
Back to my office to - sulk.
Fuck! - LOGAN: Fine.
I don't fuckin' care.
Guest of fucking honor at the retreat.
Let's try it.
Good? KENDALL: Corporate retreat? You You still wanna do that? - You don't wanna hunker? - Nah.
It's a morale booster.
- Where is it? - Uh, Hungary.
It'll keep the top team tight till we agree on a strategy.
- No leaks.
- Okay.
Logan it's Connor.
I ranch, I ride, I earn, and I give.
Just like you.
But ding-dong, who's there? Uncle Sam.
And where's his hand? In my pants.
ROMAN: Hey, is anyone in my house? Hey.
Uh, have you seen this? Yeah.
He said he's beta testing it, before he Instagrams and enters the "ideas primary".
Maybe he's a genius.
TABITHA: That's one word for it.
ROMAN: A genius rancher.
All I want is a fair, flat tax, same for all Americans, but headed down to zero within a decade or so.
- (CHUCKLES) - CONNOR: What am I gonna do? Well, I'll tell ya.
- I ain't paying.
- TABITHA: Oh, my God.
And if you want to arrest me, go ahead.
No, really.
Just go ahead and try.
Quick question.
Do you think he even knows what a jail is? He literally only knows it from Monopoly.
(LAUGHS) He's not actually gonna put this out there, - is he? - Um I think Dad's all over it.
I have a question for you, though.
You're, uh You're pals with Naomi Pierce, right? Yeah.
Why? Dad wants to buy PGM.
But that wouldn't be allowed.
Would it? I mean that's what My parents watch that.
- That's like actual news.
- Mm-hmm.
He can do whatever the fuck he likes.
He's like a human Saudi Arabia.
So, what, you you wanna use Naomi to broker a deal? Bingo.
And I think it's a good plan.
- I land the deal - Mm-hmm.
I kill Kendall.
I'm crowned the king.
Just like in Hamlet.
If that happens in Hamlet.
I don't care.
- Just like Hamlet.
- Okay.
Um, here is Naomi's - (PHONE CHIMES) - address.
She's cool.
I think you'd like her.
- Oh, yeah? - Hmm.
How do you know her, anyway? Ew.
You fucked her.
Is there anybody you haven't fucked? You.
LOGAN: Enjoying your downtime? Uh, I'm re-reading the 10-K.
Uh, we need to talk about Pierce.
That's not to be spoken of.
Who told you? SHIV ROY: Am I not supposed to know? Hey, I was thinking, we should maybe think of a reason for me to be on the retreat, in case we're talking strategy.
LOGAN: I need you to go and see Connor.
Oh, what, I'm Connor's babysitter now? LOGAN: You're unemployed.
This is a job.
He could hurt us.
You don't go shouting about tax.
We have arrangements.
We'll talk when I'm back, - okay? - SHIV: Dad, I (SIGHS) - Hey.
- Hi.
What the fuck is happening? Do you know about chasing Pierce? Sure, I was in the fucking meeting.
How do you know about Pierce? I had Gerri on the phone.
She thinks Dad's gone woo-woo and I agree.
Did your dad update you? This is a disaster.
Who said what, - and who wants to stop it? - I think it could be good.
Dick over Pierce, dick over Sandy and Stewy, double our size.
No one is gonna wanna tackle a big angry puffer fish bristling with dick.
Tom, it's batshit.
It's an obsession.
- What? - Can you imagine the blowback? Us trying to buy Pierce, the most respected name in news? But we already do news, right? So it's just more news.
It's like synergies Yeah, but if we own all the news, I do actually wonder where I'll get my fucking news.
Because at some point, someone needs to actually keep track of what's going on in the world.
Who went where, and who wore a hat.
I think it's gonna be a separate brand.
Let me keep the truthy, oatmeal branding.
Yeah, but the American Republic is in not great shape as it is.
What, you've got the The Times, The Post, editors at Pierce, and a couple of hundred angry young women on Twitter, and that's about it.
- (SCOFFS) Please.
- SHIV: No! Tom, it is thread-fucking-bare out there, and now we're gonna eat another one? Well, do you want to tell him that? SHIV: Tom, this is serious.
It's a snake eating a crocodile.
It doesn't fit, it's too big.
It's a 20-billion-dollar acquisition that either breaks us or takes half a decade to integrate.
We need to stop him.
So, talk to him in Hungary.
- What? - Yeah.
I I don't think I wanna do that, Shiv.
Uh Oh, hello? Is this the replicant department? Yeah, my meat-puppet has stopped working.
Tom, I'm joking.
But I'm also not.
People would do well to remember there's gonna be a new sheriff in town one day.
So, rally the resistance, Deputy.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, Gerri, what's the thinking behind Hungary? I's a nice place to shoot a gun where no one cares what you hit.
So, guys, listen.
I have a great drinking game for the flight.
Any time he says Pierce, take a sip.
ROMAN: Oh, you brought your own? Super soaker? - Yep.
- I got my own.
I don't wanna get into a dick-measuring competition, but I have a better, more powerful dick than you.
Which I'm sure isn't saying much.
You're with me.
Let's talk timetables.
I can't believe I'm a on a private plane.
It's like I'm in a band.
A very white, very wealthy band.
It's like I'm in U2.
Welcome to the inner-sanctum.
Yeah, it's it's nice.
Way nicer than the outer-sanctum.
Well, I hope you like red wine and killing shit.
- about the - LOGAN: What What the fuck's the whispering? GERRI: Oh, uh (CLEARS THROAT) Carolina has bad news, I'm afraid.
On the book.
The biography.
I told you to stop it.
GERRI: I know.
I'm sorry.
We were very clear there'll be no co-operation, but I don't want it to come out.
Okay Got it.
Well, it it will come out.
I can't actually, in this nation, yet, uh, sadly, halt the publication of a book.
Yeah, we can.
GERRI: Well, we can threaten and harass, we can intimidate names who might cooperate and get a little dicey.
LOGAN: Everything.
The writer, Pantsil.
Can we not get her writing us a movie for the next decade? - Tooth comb her.
- Leave it with us.
LOGAN: Anyone who speaks to her is fucked.
They're dead to me.
No one goes sniffing round my fucking panties.
Well, I'm afraid that what her friend has suggests that she's met with someone close to you already.
- Who? - Well, we don't know.
But someone inside.
- Ken, is it you? - Is it me? Dad.
(SCOFFS) Come on.
Well, it's just, historically speaking, when I'm betrayed, it's usually you.
Oh, I'm kidding, son.
I'm kidding.
(CHUCKLES) I can get Sam on it.
Go to IT, comb emails, company phones.
Fuck! Fucking rats.
Rats! What's going on in there? Uh, somebody's trying to write Dad's biography.
Oh, sh Okay.
I hadn't heard.
That's That's interesting.
He's not a fan of the old, uh, the old biographical, uh Yeah, he's not a fan.
And, uh, seems like somebody talked.
That's bad.
So, yeah.
Someone talked.
Someone inner-circle.
Sam over there will, uh, smoke 'em out, and, uh, Dad's gonna chop them up and throw them into the fucking Danube.
Blue Danube no more.
(MUSIC PLAYS) That's because I'm at a hunting lodge.
We can start to push? Well, that would be pushy.
Well, too slow is no defense.
Well, too fast and we spook 'em.
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY) - This is just Oh! - Ah! Mon dieu! Nice, right? Good for the morale.
- How's your morale? - Great.
- We're very happy.
- LOGAN: Good.
I want my top minds on Pierce.
I'm gonna need some meat in the sandwich.
Mm? You can do that, top minds? - GERRI: You got it.
- Yeah.
(GERRI SIGHS) Good? Good.
- Here you go.
- Good, good, good.
Is this the right place for the punishment beating? Frank! How ya been? Come here, you old bastard! Come on! (SIGHS, CHUCKLES) Oh, Kendall, where's the thing? Yeah.
I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to speak at the wedding, but You must have cut me dead four times.
Ah, busy, busy, busy.
- Kendall, the thing.
- Yeah, here it is.
- For you.
- What's this? The back, the back.
(FRANK SIGHS) "Some work of noble note may yet be done, not unbecoming men who strove with gods.
" That's nice.
It's a nice thing.
You okay? Sandy and Stewy have got my nuts in a vice.
But Frank, you've got the grease to slip them out.
- Right? - Truly revolting image.
- Hey, Kenny.
- Good to see you, Frank.
ROMAN: Frank.
It's not been the same without you.
It's been better.
- I'm fucking with you.
- Okay.
I'm I'm kidding, sir.
Gentlemen, time to change.
- Our safety briefing.
- Safety briefing? Here's the safety briefing: If you move against me, I'll put a hole in the back of your fucking head.
(BLENDER WHIRRING) Connor? Hey! - SHIV: Hey! - There you are.
- Here I am.
- Hi.
- What's this? - Uh You know.
Okay, thank you.
Hey, listen.
Come with me.
I want you to meet my consultants.
(KEYS TYPING) You know Eric Schulman and Bud Henley, of course.
- They've joined the team.
- Wow, Eric.
- Hey.
- CONNOR ROY: Good guys.
- You saw the vid? - Uh, yeah.
Hey, Connor Those are serious guys.
They're fuckin' pieces of shit.
They're my pieces of shit.
(CHUCKLES) Willa's finishing up a re-write.
Would you like a drink? - Uh, no.
I'm good.
- CONNOR: Okay.
What's, uh What's in the smoothie? Burgundy.
- I'm sorry? - I hyper-decant.
You don't hyper-decant? You're just doing regular decanting? If by regular decanting you mean pouring into my open mouth, yeah.
You should hyper-decant.
It softens the tannins.
Heightens the aromas.
You can age your wine five years in ten seconds.
- Mm-hmm.
- Connor You know what they do to rich people in jail.
Yes, they let them out early to mitigate the risk of litigation.
Going to jail is not a good look.
Not many campaign posters use mugshots.
The world has changed, Shiv.
The old shibboleths are crumbling.
And you know what? The elites are scared.
I can see 'em down there, a-scrabbling and reconfiguring, with no clue what the whirlwind they have stirred heralds.
Do you think that maybe if you're looking down on the elites from, like, you know, this penthouse, maybe it's indicative of something? Smart.
My baby sister is smart, right? - She is.
- SHIV: Hi.
- How are you? - Uh, yeah.
Connor, don't release the video.
Okay? Please? (SIGHS) Why? The family.
We're worried you're gonna humiliate us, and humiliate yourself.
- CONNOR: Oh, okay.
Dad? - Yeah.
Dad wants to stop me.
Well, tell him to get in line behind Bezos and the Clintons.
Connor, I'm asking a favor.
Well, how about I make counter-offer? I'd like to make a rather indecent proposal.
I'm g (CHUCKLES) guessing you haven't seen that film.
He has.
Yeah, it's his favorite.
I happen to know you're at a loose end.
Shiv, come and work for me.
Hmm? What? No.
It's a big offer.
Big offer, Shiv.
You'd run the whole shebang.
And look, if Gil fired you, maybe you're, um, - a difficult hire right now.
- He didn't fire me.
- I walked out.
- Okay.
- I I - No.
So what would it take for you to change your mind? - A lobotomy.
- (CONNOR LAUGHS) And a total realignment of modern politics.
The Connor, the video is batshit.
I will consider with my team.
- Okay.
- CONNOR: Mm! Okay.
Guys, I need five.
I'll come back and we'll shoot the shit.
Hey, what's, uh (WHISPERS) What's your read on this? Sorry, I (STAMMERS) I, um I have to go.
I'm meeting my cast for drinks.
Oh, okay.
That sounds fun.
Yeah, I mean, (CHUCKLES) it's basically just a bunch of actors, you know, bitching in a shitty bar.
- Uh-huh.
Can I, uh - What? You wanna come? Well, yeah.
You know, I'd love an audience with the future first lady.
Come on.
(GROANS) This is nice.
Nice bit of war-torn, spooky, anti-Semitic, vampirey, authoritarian Europe.
Hey, Greg, it's good to see you, man.
You're spending so much time hanging out with Kendall, a girl could start to wonder.
Uh So Yeah, c can I ask you something? On the On the friend level? Yeah.
You worried about what you did in Cruises? What we did? No.
Uh No.
I was gonna ask you about this Sam guy.
- Do you know him? - Rat-fucker Sam? Yeah, sure.
You know he background-checked me before I started dating Shiv? Wow.
So, what's his (STAMMERS) Is he Like, what's his competency? Is he Is he nice? Is he nice? You're asking about the moral character of a man named Rat-fucker Sam? He is a fucking piece of fucking shit, is what he is.
- Yeah.
What's up, Greg? - (GREG SIGHS) We've been through a bit, right? Can I trust you? Yes.
Of course you can trust me.
To a point, yes.
So, you know how Logan's mad someone talked to his biographer? - Greg.
- So I'm wondering how likely it is that Sam will find out the person emailed - from a private email.
- Oh, fuck, man.
Really? I didn't even meet her.
I didn't I pre-met her.
She She tried to turn the pre-meet into a meet-meet, so I left.
Okay, well.
(LAUGHS) Oh, my If you If you tell Logan, he might kill you.
- Mm.
- Okay, so you need to put that in the locker, man, and don't tell anyone.
And pray that you can trust me, 'cause you just handed me a valuable piece of capital.
Greg! Buddy.
Trust no one, ever.
Wise words.
- (WILLA LAUGHS) - SHIV: No, not having me here, just being out of out of the desert.
Hey, can I ask you a favor, about Con? Sure thing.
Could you maybe get him to pump the brakes on that video? - WILLA: Mm - And actually just the whole wanting to be the leader of the free world thing? He does love a project.
I Oh, yeah.
No, I know, but I mean, you're smart.
You're worldly.
- You get it.
- Okay.
I mean, I thought it looked okay, but ("MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE" BY THE POLICE PLAYS) And you and Con, you're I mean, you're okay, right? It's This whole Sure.
I mean, we support each other's dreams.
His dream is the White House.
Mine is Broadway.
Well, you realize those guys that he's got in there, those are serious guys.
I mean, they'll suck ten million from him, and he won't even realize it's gone.
And how much is your play gonna cost? WILLA: Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll think about it.
- I will.
Thank you, Shiv.
- Uh-huh.
- Willa.
- Hi! Good to see you.
And you.
WILLA: And you, Shiv? - Me? - Yeah.
Are you okay? You're happy, calm, everything? Oh, yeah.
Fuck, yeah.
I got everything I could want.
KENDALL: You look good with a rifle.
(DOG BARKING) How you doin', man? Eh.
You? I think my guy's working for the boar.
Hey, so listen, I have a question.
- Mm-hmm? - Between us, did you get a call from that biographer? I mean, yeah, obviously.
I'm the interesting one.
You? Yeah.
- You thinking of talking to her? - Uh I don't know.
What about you? Uh, no.
I mean If you're gonna talk to her, I guess I have to talk to her, just to correct your bullshit.
So why are you so into Pierce? I just think we know news, you know, stay in our lane.
Do you like it? Oh, I fuckin' love it.
- (PHONE VIBRATING) - Yeah, I mean, synergies are great.
Carnage and layoffs, all that shit.
Uh Pardon me.
This is private.
You have Roman.
How are you? Oh, yeah? And what would that be? Great.
Let's, uh Let's stay across that.
Thank you for the information.
Talk soon.
Thanks for letting me know.
Good news? - Um, yeah, sure.
- Hey, come on, man.
What was that? Just fuckin' leave it.
It's a PR thing.
It was nothing.
Look at me.
I know you.
Come on.
You're full of shit.
Well, I know you.
Why the fuck are you lying about Pierce? HUNTER: We are ready to do the drive now.
All right.
Go on.
Let's go murder a terrified mammal.
We're such shitty hunters that we're just shooting piggies in a barrel.
Might as well just throw a grenade at the pigs.
Hold on.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Hey, listen, Karl.
- Yeah? I was thinking I It would be nice to have a chat, 'cause I was about a possible cool move for you? - Oh, right.
Oh, Gerri? - GERRI: Yeah? Yeah.
We Uh, we wanted to have a, uh a chat with you, Tom.
- Yeah.
- Um I don't know how you feel about Pierce, but a few of us were having a few doubts.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Well, that's interesting.
That's That's really smart.
Why don't you Why don't you raise it? Okay.
Although we also thought it could be good - for you to talk to him? - Yeah.
All right.
Although wouldn't it be better if it came from - old, trusted - Right.
- colleagues? - That's smart.
Karl, that's interesting.
Should we do it? That would be cool.
Um, it's not a big deal, really, who actually says it.
I guess you are family, and he does treat family - differently.
- Yeah.
No, sure.
Although, he did once call me "The Cunt of Monte Cristo".
- (ALL LAUGH) - That's That was joshing.
In a way, that's a testament to your closeness.
- In a way - He likes you, Tom.
He likes you.
You're a fine mind, articulate, - strong leader.
- (SCOFFS) I'm articulate? Oh, you're so kind, you know.
In fact, I'm so flattered, I'll just fucking walk right into the machine gun nest.
Also, I've spoken to Shiv and I know she asked you to talk to him.
- You spoke to Shiv? - And if you don't, and she asks, yeah? That's where heroes are born, Tom.
On the battlefield.
It's also commonly where they're killed, Gerri.
KARL: We'll back you up.
Well, Logan, uh, look I hate to be a party pooper, but I have poop.
The Pierce family bank have called to say the family got word that you were on maneuvers.
It freaked them out.
We need to back right off.
This was supposed to be choreographed.
That's about as choreographed as a dog getting fucked on roller-skates.
Was there a leak? It was cagey.
It might have been accidental.
No, no.
This was no accident.
Someone's trying to fuck me.
Who knew? No one.
It's someone here.
I've got snakes in the fucking basket.
Do you want me to go down the list - of other acquisition targets? - No! I want Pierce! Get back to the city.
Find another way.
Oh, some of these fuckers are trying to kill this.
Fucking pygmies! Fucking lice! - (MUSIC PLAYS) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) LOGAN: How we all doing? All havin' a nice time on the company dollar? Ah.
Gerri, you all right? You look tired.
Oh, no, I'm I'm good, thanks.
'Cause I want the Pierce pension options first thing.
Right, so so I should probably go.
You know, we need to boost morale.
Okay, great.
I can feel it rising.
Oh, Logan? Just a a heads up.
A fam A family heads up, just to just to let you know that in a moment I might say something, but not to worry, 'cause it's not real.
Okay? - Wh - Just, headline is I'm gonna say something, but disregard it.
I think that people think of me as a kind of leader.
Because there was an issue that they wanted raised, but don't you be under the impression that that I'm against what I'll say I'm against.
Okay? - Pierce.
- What? Pierce.
People are against it.
But that's because they're scared.
But they think of me as kind of brave, which I would be if I needed to be, but I don't, so Good.
LOGAN: A toast.
Uh, musicians? - Pianissimo.
- (MUSIC STOPS) Uh To our top team.
ALL: Top team.
- Top team.
- LOGAN: Mm.
And again.
And again.
Fill her up, fill her up.
Eat, everybody.
And drink.
Come on now.
It's a party, isn't it? (CHUCKLES) Come on.
Hey! Ray, where you going? To take a leak.
Uh, you know.
We're all sticking together.
If you need a leak, piss in a bucket.
I mean (CHUCKLES) we're locking down.
It's all right.
We're all pals here.
(LAUGHS) Right.
Jesus Christ, Ray.
I'm pullin' your pisser.
Put that bucket down, you disgusting bastard.
Oh, my God.
Where do we find 'em? Musicians! Thank you.
The food.
Sit, sit.
CHRIS: So what do you do? Something important? Uh, no.
Well, you will one day.
(SHIV LAUGHS) Here's hopin'.
Uh, I gotta make a call.
Jealous boyfriend? No.
Just a guy who works for me.
- Working on a Saturday? - He better be.
Wow, sounds like you're riding him hard.
Well, maybe he likes it.
Are you flirting with me? Your flirt got all over my pants.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Tom.
Just checking you talked to him.
Don't let me down, soldier.
Shiv? (CHUCKLES) - It's, uh - (SHIV SIGHS) Connor Roy, eldest son of media mogul, - Logan Roy - SHIV: Oh, Jesus Christ.
announced his intention to go to prison, rather than pay federal income tax at the current level.
Connor Roy.
He looks cute, though.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) GREG: It tastes I guess boar tastes like chicken.
No! Boar is boar.
Boar is piggy.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) TOM: Try that black - blood sausage - Come on, everyone.
We're supposed to be having a nice time! Drink! KARL: Tom.
Now's the time, Tom.
- Oh, you think? - Yeah.
LOGAN: Paid enough.
(LAUGHTER) A toast.
Uh Oh, Frank.
You wanna? Oh.
- To old friends.
- Lovely.
To old friends.
Why'd you come, Frank? - W Here? - LOGAN: Mm-hmm.
- Because you invited me.
- LOGAN: Uh-huh.
Not on a recon for some of your old stuck up pals? Logan, we're old.
I try not to leave fences broken.
LOGAN: You're a fucking creep.
- Excuse me? - LOGAN: Ah.
I mean you you went for three jobs, you didn't get any of them.
Your vineyard was a write-off.
And now your trophy girlfriend is sucking some waiter's dick in Palermo, so now you've come crawling back, like a fucking worm.
I'm actually kinda glad he's back now.
What's happening here? Ken.
(WHISPERING) Talk to him, Tom.
(WHISPERING) Fuck off.
Someone has spoken to Michelle Pantsil.
We've got rats on this ship.
And Pierce.
What's going on? Hmm? Who's got my back? Who's really behind me? Anyone? Excuse me.
Anyone wanna own up? Hmm? Anyone wanna rat out a rat? Cyd? Are you a rat? No.
- How about you? - (STAMMERS) No.
I'm not.
Karl, you got something to tell me? Um, such as? Oh, I don't know, where the local whorehouse is.
(KARL CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about that.
Does your old lady know about that? Hmm, no.
Um, you know.
Um She knows that I'm something of a Libertine, - but Okay.
- Oh, is is that a yes? Sh Should we get her on the speaker phone and ask her? Oh, come on.
Logan, please.
What the fuck? Everyone, phones on the table.
Company and private.
Come on.
Phones on the table now.
GERRI: Is that really necessary? I'm not even sure it's it's legal - to demand people - LOGAN: Yeah, well, we're getting down to brass fucking tacks.
Tom, did you and your fragile ego talk to Pantsil? No.
No, sir.
Logan, why don't we switch to strategy? Oh, oh.
Here's a strategy, Tom: Why don't you pipe down till you come and tell me I've got a grandson coming? Hmm? Or are you shooting blanks? - Karl? - KARL: Yeah? Do you like the, uh, the Pierce deal? I do.
I do, yes.
Oh, yeah.
Boar on the floor.
- It's a game.
In the corner, over there.
Stand there.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
- (KARL LAUGHS) All right.
(SIGHS) Tom? - Me? - Yeah.
- Uh, Pierce? - Yeah.
Um Well, there's a lot of (CLEARS THROAT) factors, and but yes.
I personally I like it.
I like it.
Boar on the floor over there.
Gerri, stand up.
Stand up! Pierce? Couldn't tell you.
Couldn't tell you.
Don't know.
- Have you played it before? - No! Well, actually, I To be perfectly honest, I've I've had a few doubts.
LOGAN: Honesty.
You see, everybody? Do you see? Honesty.
Greg, stand up.
Did you get any orders from my brother, the fuckin' Conscience of the Prairies? - Me? - LOGAN: Yeah.
I don't Uh Yeah.
I 'Cause I (STAMMERS) I've had some doubts too.
Oh? Fucking doubter.
Over there.
But the rules are that you're spared if you tell the truth, - and I just told you the truth! - Oh, oh! There are rules? - GREG: Right? - Do you know something, Greg? There are no fucking rules.
(WHISPERS) Over there.
GREG: Okay.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) (ROMAN CHUCKLES) LOGAN: Roman! I like it for real, Dad, - I wanna help - Stand the fuck up.
Um, okay.
Kendall took a call from the biographer.
We all got a call, Rome.
Okay, yes, but you See, he seemed like he wanted to actually talk to her.
To smoke you out for Dad.
What? Fuck you.
Why'd you get to smoke me out? I was smokin' you out.
Why don't you tell us about your mystery call? The phone call? Uh, yeah.
It was Frank.
He meant to call you.
He wants to know if the plan to overthrow Dad is still happening.
Someone spiked Pierce.
Which one of you boars did it? - Tom! - Yes? Sit on the floor! It's fun.
- Seriously? - Yeah, it's a game! - Boar on the floor! - TOM: I really I feel LOGAN: Get down! Boar on the floor.
Boar on the floor.
Kendall, bring the troops.
ALL: (CHANTING) Boar on the floor.
- Get down! - ALL: Boar on the floor.
- Greg! On the floor, boar.
- (CHANTING CONTINUES) - Come on, Frank! - (CHANTING CONTINUES) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Why am I in this? How the fuck would I know, Greg? You think I have a rational explanation for this? Frank! Feed the piggies, guests of honor! That's it.
Boar on the floor! ALL: Boar on the floor! Oink for your sausages, piggies.
Oink for your sausages, piggies.
KARL: Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Oink for your sausage, Tom.
- Oink.
- LOGAN: No.
- (TOM SNORTING) No half-hearted oink.
- I'm not doing it.
- KARL: Oink, oink, oink.
On the count of three, the last piggy to eat a sausage is the mole.
That doesn't seem like a very good system Who spoke to Pantsil? (WHISPERING) Please.
Hey! Crawl in a circle and close your eyes.
- (LAUGHTER) - Three Greg, oink.
(GREG SNORTS) Two (GREG, TOM AND KARL SNORTING AND OINKING) One (CHEERING AND LAUGHING) Eat the sausage, Tom! - TOM: I got it! - (JEERING) (SHOUTING AND CLAMORING) Take it out of his hand! Come on.
Karl stole my sausage.
Too effing slow.
I'll get you your booby prize.
Eat up, piggies.
ROMAN: I believe he said "Eat up, piggies.
" I wanna see you little piggy fucks eat.
Eat it.
Indemnification, you fuckin' dummy.
Wh You fucking serious? How old are you? Give me back my fucking phone.
- Huh? What are you hiding? - What are you Wh Hiding? Nothing.
Give me back my fucking phone.
- What's your code? - Are you fucking serious? - Yeah.
What's your - My code? Uh, my code is, um, fuck you What? (KENDALL AND ROMAN ARGUING INDISTINCTLY) Okay, you got it.
All right? Happy? There's nothing in there.
Hey, do you wanna hit this? It's actually just some resin I left in the downpipe - in the bowl, I'm afraid.
- Mm.
Wow, yum.
- Uh, thank you.
- All right.
So, uh, no TV? You a You a laptop guy? Nah, no screens.
No, uh No news? Oh, I don't follow the news.
No, these days, actually the real news - comes from comedians.
I'm not crazy to hear the next thing you're gonna say.
Can I just kiss you? Uh, full disclosure, I am in a relationship, but it's an open relationship.
It sounds bohemian and complicated, but actually it's pretty simple.
You, um Wow.
Do you have any, uh, questions? - Um, I don't think so.
- Great.
- ROMAN: Give me my phone.
Give me my fucking phone.
You're Grab my You like touching me? Grab my fucking balls, I will drop you, cocksucker.
Yeah, you see a phone number, so what? LOGAN: All must have prizes.
What's in there? What's the prize? Hey, Dad? It was Roman.
Roman talked to Pierce.
He, uh, took a call from Naomi Pierce.
Roman, did someone get at you? Dad, I didn't betray you.
Then what's this call from today? - Why are you talking to her? - Come on, man.
I wasn't trying to fuck the deal, I was trying to land the deal.
I was trying to help.
I I thought it would be a nice surprise.
Roman you're a moron.
Boar on the floor? - I'm just saying.
- Fuck you.
I'm not a moron, Dad.
(LOGAN SIGHS) How much is a gallon of milk? What? - How much is a gallon of milk? - I don't know.
I mean, who the fuck knows, Dad? Literally no one knows.
- Who gives a shit? - LOGAN: Ray! How much is a gallon of milk? Uh-Uh, wh I mean, like regular milk, or, uh I am surrounded by snakes and fucking morons.
You're a bunch of silk-stocking fucks! Who backs me on Pierce? Hmm? Who? KENDALL: None of them do, Dad.
They're all against it.
Okay? Karl's lying, Ray's lying, Gerri's playing both sides.
(SIGHS) Well (CHUCKLES) Here's news.
We are going after it.
And what's more I will win.
Hey, morning.
How you doing'? Quite a night.
I don't know about you guys, but I had one too many.
I can't remember anything.
(CHUCKLES) Morning, Tom.
- Sausage? - No, thank you.
- I'll eat your sausage, Tom.
- I'm sure you will, Cyd.
What you were expecting? Not really.
He said he offered you your job back.
I'm considering.
Why? I need money to pay someone to kill a guy in Palermo.
Baby needs shoes, moth to a flame (SIGHS) I don't know.
Morning, morning.
- Coffee? - Nah.
The usual.
(SIGHS) Come, join me.
I'm, uh, sorry if last night got a little bit fruity.
(CHUCKLES) But, you know jet-lag, meds, horseplay, right? Right? The jet-lag Mm-hmm.
I get the same way.
I just heard who Michelle Pantsil talked to.
It was Mo.
Piece of shit! I also talked to Maria.
Mo passed away last night.
What? Mo now? Jesus.
Uh Give Maria my, um uh, condolences.
I I In fact, send Sam over.
Let's crack his email.
I want to know what the fuck he's been saying.
Mo, hmm.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Greg.
- Hey, Tom.
ROMAN: No Uh, thank you.
I can do that.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) - Um - They They're waiting for you.
- ROMAN: So? - So, hurry up.
So Frank's my fucking babysitter again.
(GERRI LAUGHS) Dad is killing me.
He's cutting my fucking balls off.
I can't do my buttons.
Are they fucking made of soap? Come here.
You know, if I were capable of any sudden movement, I would totally pounce on you right now.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
I actually hear that a lot.
Usually from men in their nineties.
You have to do that one.
(CLEARS THROAT) How are you doing? Terrible.
Pretty awful.
GERRI: Mm-hmm.
I'm blaming Tabitha, by the way.
It was her idea.
Next time you need business advice, ask someone who knows what they're talking about.
- What, you? - Yeah.
Like me.
Well, how do I get him to take me seriously? Grow a moustache and read the Journal? I'll fuckin' do it.
Okay, Roman, if you wanna know Mm-hmm.
do the management training program, ground floor.
Work at a slaughterhouse.
Learn the price of a gallon of milk.
What the fuck is his obsession with milk? You know who drinks milk? Kittens and perverts.
FRANK: Hey, Logan.
Pierce's CEO, Rhea Jarrell, emailed saying she heard about your approach.
She can help us.
So can you bring me her head on a platter? I can bring you her head attached to the rest of her body.
Even better.
KENDALL: Good work, Frank.
SHIV: Hey.
How was it? It was pretty, uh - pretty tough actually, yeah.
- Yeah? Anybody fill you in? Uh, no.
Wh What happened? Um, your dad was a little peppery.
I'm sorry, Tom.
Maybe it wasn't totally great what you sent me to do.
Which is kind of the opposite of what I wanted to do.
I mean - we're a team, right? - Yeah.
But I I don't wanna be a dick, but maybe I should have a bit more input into team tactics.
Of course.
So, how was your weekend? - SHIV: Me? - Yeah.
Anything to report? Uh Yeah.
Do you want to know? Oh.
I don't maybe later.
Come here.
LOGAN: Hello, Pinkie.
Sorry I missed your call.
Had a lot to deal with.
Termites in the woodwork.
Oh, yeah? Coming from where? Oh, front row, cheap seats, every-fucking-where.
SHIV: Not from me.
What are you doing at the moment? - I'm free.
- LOGAN: We'll set a date.
It's time to bring you in.
(MUSIC PLAYS) SHIV ROY: Dad's in a secret meeting, and I'm in here with a coloring book.
What's going on, Gerri? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) LOGAN ROY: I want Pierce, but it only works if we meet fast.
KENDALL ROY: Rhea, she's coming.
The family trusts her, you get her on board, that's huge.
On behalf of the Pierce family, I have a message.
What's that? - What, what? - Sir, please follow me, yeah.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Wait, where's Kendall, is he safe? (MUSIC CONCLUDES) (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) LOGAN ROY: Ah! Bon Dieu! Nice, right? Good for the morale.
How's your morale? (MUSIC STOPS) - Great.
- LOGAN: Good.
(MUSIC CONTINUES) JESSE ARMSTRONG: In 203, they go on a hunting trip to Hungary.
The centerpiece of the episode is this sort of nightmarish dinner that Logan hosts.
LOGAN: To our top team.
ARMSTRONG: I was lit-inspired by reading about Stalin would have these long dinner drinking parties where sometimes, he would drink water and get his commissars and marshals to drink alcohol and then, he'd use their indiscretions against them later.
- (TABLE GUESTS CLAMOR) - Come on, everyone! We're supposed to be having a nice time.
Drink! It had a flavor of those dinner parties and the humiliations he'd mete out.
- Tom! - Yes? Sit on the floor! - Seriously? - Yeah, it's a game.
- Boar on the floor.
- I really I feel LOGAN: Get down! The actual boar on the floor just came from thinking about the context they were in and the sort of thing that might occur to him.
Oink for your sausages, piggy.
Oink, oink! That feeling of a powerful man unhinged.
Who spoke to Pencil? Tom and Greg, a crucial moment when Tom, he maybe could get some money in the bank by selling him out, doesn't.
LOGAN: Hey! Crawl in a circle and close your eyes.
- Greg, oink! - (OINKING) I don't think it's definitive that it hasn't Tom hasn't changed into a good guy.
It just seemed to us, true people have different sides to them, and Tom, for whatever reason, had enough regard for Greg that he he didn't want to do it in that moment.
- How was it? - It was pretty, uh pretty tough.
Shiv and Tom, it's complicated.
How was your weekend? - SHIV ROY: Me? - Y yeah.
Anything to report? Uh yeah.
He found out on his wedding night that she wasn't really super keen on a monogamous relationship and that was tough.
- Do you wanna know? - Maybe later.
ARMSTRONG: There is a bond in that relationship, I think, of like sexual connection and intellectual and they have a bunch of different ways that they do connect.
And so, it's not a dead relationship, even if it's a quite troubled one.
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