Succession (2018) s02e08 Episode Script


1 Well, we need to locate all written information relevant to this investigation.
Are you aware of any document destruction? You know what? I really need to pee! I'm gonna have to fight now for every fucking shareholder vote.
Yeah, I haven't seen him like this for a while.
You wanna stay over or what? RHEA JARRELL: Isn't now the time to just let him know you have options? I happen to know there's a media operation in need of a new CEO.
Uh, me? At Pierce? KENDALL ROY: Have you seen this? They're saying you punched him, which caused him, in effect, to drive his car into the river.
HUGO BAKER: How about we offer a visit to the family? Actually, Ken, why don't you come in with me? We should stick together on this.
Don't you agree? Dad? I need to ask, is it still me? You know that I want this, and that I can do it.
Then why are you fucking me about? The Pierce job.
Hey, Ken.
I think we've got a problem.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) (TAPPING ON GLASS) We want to thank you for coming to this first preview of Willa's baby, 'cause it isn't easy to to give birth in front of a thousand people.
So anyway.
Uh But I I have to say, I could - watch it all day.
- (WILLA CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) CONNOR ROY: And if you're talking with your friends, remember, a lot of the lines you heard were placeholders.
- Correct? - That's right, yeah, um I I had a virus, so (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, I think it's like, maybe 30, 40 percent improvement when if I, you know, get to full power.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Yeah, but the cast, amazing.
- (APPLAUSE) - CONNOR: Absolutely.
But previews, so, you know, watch this space.
- WILLA: Thank Thank you.
- CONNOR: Thank you.
- You okay? SHIV ROY: Yeah, just Rhea.
She's like fucking knotweed.
Dad's plaque thing.
Oh, yeah, the little Dundee dinner.
- Trip to Scotland, 50 years in the biz.
- SHIV: Mm.
Yeah, not so little anymore.
She went full on.
She's turning it into a fucking surprise party, Rhea-produced Logan-athon.
I would tell your dad that she's a traitorous viper and that she stabbed you in the back.
Oh, come on.
Go whining to Logan? Come I need to be smarter than that.
- Hey.
- SHIV: Hey.
(BREATHES SHARPLY) - (INHALES DEEPLY) - TOM WAMSGANS: Who's that? Huh? Is that "him"? - Him who? - "Him who?" - Look at you.
- (SHIV MUTTERS) - SHIV: What? No.
- Are you sweating? It's construction sand, and it's supposed to be desert sand.
- I mean, can we fix that? - Sure.
- WILLA: Hi.
- I just want to say congrats.
I didn't realize, but that was, uh, you know? - You're a playwright.
- (CHUCKLES) - Thank you.
Yeah - Yeah.
I mean, I've always told you I'm a playwright.
Yeah, but, you know, Roman's, like "written a screenplay".
- Thanks, bro.
- Yeah.
This is the worst it'll be.
It can only get better.
Right, okay.
KENDALL ROY: Hey, so, Con, who who's, um Who's that chick that Willa's talking to right now? Oh, Jennifer? Yeah, she's one of 'em.
She's one of the wackjobs, the actors but no, yeah, she's fantastic.
She's just got this unbelievable gift for - pretending.
- She was amazing.
You okay? Hey, I'm drowning in pussy and everything's golden.
Well, that's great, Kenny.
- Hey, uh - Hey.
- Ken.
- Yeah.
Did you get this email from Rhea about the tribute videos? - Ooh, uh-huh.
- Yeah, and you know that she's she's lunching Sid and Laird, right? KENDALL: Mm-hm.
SHIV: I mean Shiv, look.
It's all changing all the time - Oh.
Oh, okay.
So, you're like - So, like, - you're out of the game - no big deal.
and you're just stockpiling lentils and - and hoarding antibiotics? - No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying it's all good, you know? It's like there's nothing new under the sun.
Sorry, will you excuse me for just a moment? My father has always been my greatest champion and my hero.
Congratulations on 50 years at the top of the biz.
I love you, Dad.
Uh You want to try one more? (CLICKS TONGUE) Why? No, uh, that was perfect, uh, just didn't know if if you you wanted one more.
If it was perfect, why would I want one more? I just I meant, um Why don't we do just one more where maybe you really, like, sell how how you're feeling? Yeah.
Let's do it.
All right.
Take four.
(IN CARTOONISH VOICE) What up, prick licks? It's me, Dr.
I'm a ding-dong, doodle-bug dipshit with a tit mouse dick and my dad hates all of you.
(NORMAL VOICE) How was that? Was that good? CONNOR: It's interesting that Dad's agreed to go back to Scotland for this dedication dinner.
- Yeah.
- CONNOR: He didn't have it easy.
He had to shit outside, right? Sometimes, I think I'll never truly understand Dad until I shit outside.
I doubt that squatting over a storm drain is going to crack the case on him.
I just said, "I love you, Dad", like ten times in a row.
I think that doubles my lifetime count.
Hey, what do you reckon, Rome, Dad boning Rhea? ROMAN ROY: Can't wrap my head around that.
Too steamy.
Too hot.
We should all talk about what this means for us, you know? We're You know, we're all sensing a shift, right? (COFFEE POURING) Well, Gerri says she looks like the new thing.
CONNOR: Well, it happens Gerri was the new thing once.
- CONNOR: Remember? - SHIV: Huh.
You think he ever boned Gerri? I don't know.
I just think we need to be careful.
Aw, what's wrong? You all wedgied up because Rhea stood on your back and worked your arms like an elliptical? (CONNOR AND ROMAN LAUGH) I'm just saying, I wonder if we should have a plan, you know, in case Dad does something rash.
Connor, we're ready for you.
Wish me luck.
Hey, Dad.
It's me, Connor Roy, your son.
I just want to say that you've always been my superhero, Dad.
You fight the bad guys and you always win.
I know we don't get to spend as much time together one-on-one as we'd like, and that makes me sad, but I'm unbelievably proud to be your son.
I super love you, Super-Dad.
Hey, what's up? (LOUDLY) Hey, how are you? Loud! - What? - And you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
You want us to think you got laid.
- Nice try.
Siobhan's planning to kill Rhea.
Uh No.
I'm not.
We're having a discussion.
There's no plan.
I'm just encouraging us to assess our options.
Is that our business? The business with our name on it, is it our business? I don't know.
If You know, if Dad's into it Like, whatever he thinks is usually pretty on target.
Okay, well, I think Rhea is dangerous, and I think we need to stop her.
Well, it it's clear you need to stop her.
What if she sells the company for parts? Eight weeks ago, Dad was ready to kick over the whole sandcastle ROMAN: He didn't though, did he? Struck a little deal on the side instead, Shiv.
All right.
You know what? We need to put feelings aside and call a family truce, because we need to fuck her from 100 different directions at a thousand miles an hour.
I'm serious.
Uh Kendall.
Yeah, I mean, I guess it would be nice to keep it in the family.
ROMAN: Oh, Ken.
Maybe tell that heartwarming story about how you tried to kill him and take over the company.
That ought to moisten the old peepers.
So, Connor, I, um Do you know the sand that's in Sands? You mean the nine metric tons of Gypsum white they gouged me for 5.
29 a bag? Sure, I know the sand.
So, I was sitting pretty close to the stage, and so, I I had great seats, and, um and I think there's something maybe living in it, like per perhaps thriving in the sand, uh, like sand mites, maybe? I know nothing about that and bear no legal responsibility.
You'll have to talk to the sand supplier, like everyone else.
GREG HIRSCH: Yeah, that's cool, that's cool, um (GREG SIGHS) Three thousand miles to pose with signage.
Thank fuck I'm not busy.
You could still cancel.
LOGAN ROY: No, no, no.
Rhea's smart on this.
A little dinner, push 50 years experience, 50 years growth.
Stress the experience.
A platform on which to make a strategic announcement.
Before we settle in, um, there's a small matter we wanted to make you aware of.
A former cruise employee, James Weissel in accounting, uh, so quite inside the payments and so on, seems to have gotten spooked by a lawsuit, and seems like he might be about to talk.
I thought we had this all sewn up.
- I said I hoped - (YELLS) Don't interrupt me.
You told me this was all sewn up.
Why am I only hearing about this now? He was across the Caribbean '90s situation, the payouts and all the other operations.
And then he went up the ladder.
He knows about the shadow logs.
He supervised a number of "Mo aftermaths".
Give him the storm warning.
Get rat-fucker Sam to give him the talk, "We have endless resources.
We will destroy your life.
" - Who knows? - Kendall, Karl.
- Rhea? - No.
I really don't want this shit in my ears, you know? Figure it out.
(SCOFFS) SHIV: So, Rhea really took the reins on this weekend planning, huh? Yeah.
She's been very active.
Well (INHALES SHARPLY) Must be tough for you, though.
How so? I just I know how he can be when he has a new enthusiasm.
Don't worry about me.
I'm not a child.
I don't piss on the carpet every time it thunders.
I just think we share some similar interests.
I mean, is it okay to let her do this much planning? If she wants to throw him a big surprise party, who am I to spoil it? (MUSIC PLAYING) Ah.
(CHUCKLES) The bandstand.
- What happened there, Pa? - Huh? Oh uh, different things.
Yeah, a lot of, uh Yeah.
You and Ewan were lucky to make it out to Canada.
(GROANS) Wasn't such a fucking hootenanny there either.
This place I look around and I don't know.
We came back for, um when my mother died, but it was all so complicated.
You can't explain it.
It's not what you think.
You look at the old pictures and they want you to think it's all so fucking simple, but it was well, it was (SIGHS) It was, um I don't know what it was.
It was, um (SIGHS) It wasn't what they say, you know? Tell us a story, though.
- Story? - Yeah, from back in the day.
Oh, yeah? What, you want a bit about, uh, old fucking Rosebud? Rosebud is a dollar bill.
It's whatever it took to get me the fuck out of here.
Good story, Dad.
A pleasure to welcome you home.
Oh, I don't recall people shedding a tear when I left, - but thank you.
- Thank you, sir.
- HUGO BAKER: Hello, Rhea.
- Thank you for organizing this.
- Great to see Oh, my pleasure.
So, are you a person who, uh, can't look someone in the eye after you've fucked them? I acted in good faith.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that's what's truly scary, 'cause I think you believe that.
What, do you outsource your fuckery? You got the right brain for your TED Talks, - left brain for your killings? - That's very unfair.
(SCOFFS, CHUCKLES) Oh, well, I feel bad now.
I put you forward to Pierce, and it got out of hand.
Your dad obviously felt out of the loop and it wasn't as I intended.
Yeah, I hear you're putting some names together - for Dad's CEO search.
- Uh-huh, various individuals.
Including yourself? Well, the pool is small for this type of position.
What a surprise.
He needs someone before the shareholder meeting.
You know that.
SHIV: Yeah, and I wonder which way you're leaning.
Who's catching your eye to recommend? You leaning towards someone, say, like me who wants to kill you, or yourself, for a second chance at a multi-million-dollar payday? I'm intrigued.
Keep me posted.
So, are you hearing anything majorly major about big shit or whatever through the shit-vine? In what sense? In the sense of the little blonde goblin.
Is she about to gobble up all the power? (DOOR LOCK BEEPS) (SIGHS) So, um, Frank is concerned.
He says this feels like something new.
ROMAN: Yeah, but he does this, right? Dad.
I mean, remember when he bought that chick a harp? Oh, Sally Anne? She didn't even know how to play it.
This is something else.
He's losing focus.
Out to dinner four nights a week.
The shareholder vote is going to be close.
If the board gets replaced, it'll be a clean sweep.
- We could do with options.
- Mm-hmm.
I've made sure that Eduard is invited.
Could you seduce? (CLOCKS TONGUE) Uh I don't know.
Do you find me seductive? I can give him a rim.
- I could rim with vim.
- Could they take us private? Hmm.
They want us to open up a propaganda news operation.
GERRI KELLMAN: It's that serious, Roman.
We get the money, boom.
Much less oversight.
ROMAN: Hmm? Okay.
Well, I will I will talk to him, then.
Oh, and, um, one more thing, real quick.
Should we get married? What? You know, not that.
Like, an equivalent.
Uh A thing, like I abduct you and force you to live with me.
Uh That's not equivalent.
Well, then, you kill me, you chop my dick off, you know, something.
I'm kidding but you know what I'm saying.
Uh You eat me, I eat you, like they do in Germany.
Anyway, lot to think about, I get it.
So, let it Bye.
- KENDALL: Hey, so, it hasn't worn off, right? Like, that was a century-defining fuck.
- Who is this again? - KENDALL: Jennifer, Jennifer.
All right.
So, what are we going to do here? I feel like we should maybe buy an island, put in a giant island sized bed, and just make love all day.
(LAUGHS) You ever been to Dundee? You wanna come to Dundee? What about my play? The play? Uh I mean, it's, like, two nights off.
Come on.
It's not Arthur Miller, right? And, uh, I kinda own a movie studio.
Um Where is Dundee? How about you look it up on your phone on the way to the airfield, because I'm sending you a driver and I'm getting you a jet ride over here tonight.
LOGAN: Oh, the tap water used to taste sensational.
- It's changed.
- Mm-hm.
MAN: Mr.
You have a second? - LOGAN: Oh, sure.
- MAN: Transportation to the streets RHEA: Marcia, you look lovely.
MARCIA ROY: Oh, thank you.
Uh So I have something I wanted to ask you.
RHEA: Uh-huh.
Are you regularly tested for sexually transmitted diseases? Excuse me? (CHUCKLES) He and I still sleep together.
I don't know what he tells you.
I'm sorry, I I don't know what you're talking about.
So, I will be more relaxed to know that you are clean.
I don't know who else you're screwing.
This This isn't appropriate to to talk of - of of Like - Listen.
I have fought and I have lost, and I have fought and won, but when I lose, the other one will generally lose an eye or a soul.
LOGAN: Hey, uh, sorry.
Sorry, Marcia, uh, could you give us five, just before drinks? Of course.
Thank you, Rhea.
(LOGAN SIGHS) Everything okay? What's the latest? Sure.
All good.
Honing in.
Oh, good.
I mean, thank you for taking the lead on the little dinner, all the politics and, you know, what-not.
Well, I'm pleased to help, but I'm sensing some turbulence.
(CHUCKLES) She runs hot.
She makes boogie men out of the clothes she dumps on her bedroom floor.
Always has.
Well, just as long as you don't mind a bit of feedback.
A few noses are out of joint.
Strong French feelings.
I'm worried I might get blinded with a baguette.
ROMAN: Just say Rhea beats her dog or boyfriend or I don't know.
SHIV: Uh Dad would love that.
The thing you think is ammo is not ammo.
We need to be clear, direct, with a line of attack.
You know, "liberal, duplicitous".
"She's a two-faced snowflake with cum on her dress.
" Tell her to ask about Rose.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh, shit.
- ROMAN: (HIGH-PITCHED) Yup! This sounds schemey.
Redolent of thwart.
How do you feel about oozing a bit near Rhea? Just, you know, sorta Sorta what? Well, you know, get get a bit giggly.
Work it.
But so that my dad can see.
I mean, it doesn't kill her, but everything helps.
ROMAN: I have this idea that maybe Rhea can mention in a toast.
- KENDALL: Lob a little grenade? - ROMAN: Yeah.
Are you pimping me out? - No, no.
Nothing crazy, Tom.
- (TOM HUFFS) Just make her laugh.
Work the arms a bit.
Have a bit of elbow sex.
The woman who my terrifying boss is obsessed with? You want me to flirt with her? Tom, come on.
Not Not dirty flirty.
Just hurty flirty.
(SMOOTH LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS) SHIV: Kendall, you ready to wind up Rhea? - Did you fuck with her? - Yeah.
Let's try Rose out on her.
See if she gets a clip on the ears.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Hey, this is great.
It's great.
- Yeah, um Yeah (STUTTERS) Do you Do you think it would be okay if I made a little toast? I mean, I don't want to piss anybody off.
Yeah, absolutely.
You could, um You could toast his mother, Helen.
- RHEA: Oh, right.
- KENDALL: And, uh I don't know, maybe mention Rose, his sister Rose who is no longer with us.
He might appreciate that.
- (WHISPERS) Thank you.
- KENDALL: Yeah, sure.
- (TAPPING ON GLASS) - (MUSIC ENDS) Evening, one and all.
I know I'm the new nut in the trail mix, but, um (CHUCKLES) I just wanted to thank you all for joining, and to congratulate our implacable plaque unveiler.
And, uh, given tomorrow's honor let's raise our glasses to those who are with us tonight in absentia.
- Logan's mother Helen.
- ALL: To Helen.
And his sister Rose.
So cheers, everyone.
- CONNOR: Slàinte mhath.
ROMAN: Everybody's offended by everything.
Well done.
Look at you, fitting right in, like a camp counselor in my butt when I was 12.
Is that Keats? Anonymous.
I see your thing.
It's good.
It works.
You're kinda like a peppy, fun-gun set to "MILF", with like, a Lean In, woman-y branding thing that works well with the Fitbit-moron-whatever people.
I'm a sort of butterfly in the ointment: colorful but wriggly.
I could see us collaborating.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, you can see that? Yeah, buttering up the old dunce, huh? - Nice work.
Fuck off.
- No.
- I get your rep.
- Mm-hm.
RHEA: Some labels take a while to peel off, but I happen to think you have the best instincts of all of them.
Well, bullshit, but thank you.
TOM: Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, this is where the party's at.
Look at us, all the cool and the beautiful people in one spot.
(RHEA AND TOM CHUCKLE) This is like the VIP area, right here.
Right? It should be, like, cordoned off with, a like, a velvet rope, a bit of VIP bondage.
- (CHUCKLES) - WOMAN: Oh, my goodness.
Hey, Pa, so, listen.
- Uh The play - Yeah, I'm sorry that we, uh - we didn't, um - No worries.
No, it's just costing a pretty penny and a few financial worries starting to bubble.
- Be good to chat.
- Yeah, don't worry, son.
I'm sure you'll work it out.
Uh So So, Rhea, where's, uh where's home for you? Home was all over.
And did I hear that your mother Is this true, she volunteers for the Democratic Socialists? TOM: Oh, my! God, folks, watch out, we've got a libtard in the punch bowl.
(LAUGHTER) Quick, hide your pay stubs before she takes more federal.
(LAUGHTER) Uh Yeah, we don't see eye to eye on everything.
Oh, right.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry, none for her.
She doesn't drink.
RHEA: Um Well, I, uh, sip.
But But N No, not really, no.
Sorry, I RHEA: Well, not a great deal.
Um I'm pretty sure, maybe just a drop if you can fit it in there.
(LAUGHS) For a toast.
- CONNOR: Well, here's a toast.
- RHEA: Oh.
CONNOR: I guess I just wanna say how great it is to have everyone we know and love in one place to celebrate our dad's life.
- SHIV: Yeah.
Hear, hear.
- ALL: Hear, hear.
Shout out to Rhea for planning a wonderful funeral.
I mean, (CHUCKLES) uh memorial.
No, uh, evening.
RHEA: Oh, please It's my honor to salute a man who will one day bury us all, no doubt.
- KENDALL: Hear, hear.
- CONNOR: Happy days.
- TOM: Hear, hear.
- SHIV: Cheers.
ROMAN: Cheerio, Dad.
I have one in my backside.
TOM: Just don't scratch it.
Oh, God.
I feel like it's weirder with one protester.
Like, you don't know whether to make eye contact, or TOM: Well, he really went with the first draft on that one.
Still, to be fair, it's pretty effective.
GREG: Apparently, it's less offensive over here.
It's like calling someone a buddy.
ROMAN: Look at this shit.
Are you kidding me? If this place was in Brooklyn, it'd be worth five mil, easy.
This is, like, fine.
- CONNOR: It's totally fine.
- ROMAN: Yeah.
CONNOR: I'd live here.
- CONNOR: I mean, I wouldn't but someone could.
- (TABITHA LAUGHS) TABITHA: I mean, you told me he lived in an open sewer and was raised by rats but this is Yeah, you should go peek in that window.
That's for sure a bathroom.
And this fucker is pre-war.
There's no way Dad shat in a bucket.
GREG: This stuff's making it worse.
And I feel like this stuff is attracting midges.
My sand mites are getting bitten by midges.
Just stop.
- I'm just uncomfortable in my skin right now.
- Just stop.
TOM: Oh, here we go.
(MUSIC PLAYING) MARCIA: Has it changed much? Yeah Everything.
What's he doing? Okay.
There it is.
What am I supposed to do? I think maybe a photo.
They've said you can go in.
Thank you.
Let's go.
- GREG: Wait.
- SHIV: What the fuck? Ah.
Uh (CLEARS THROAT) So, I have an update.
SHIV: Oh, yeah? James Weissel.
We don't really want to bother your dad.
- We know he's enjoying this.
- (SCOFFS) Oh.
There's a call, and we might like your input.
- GERRI: That okay? - Yeah.
So, we made the threat/offer to Mr.
Five rising to ten.
But he said no.
He said no to ten? Why would he say no to ten mil? I don't know, playing hardball? We need this to go away, - so I'm gonna double the offer.
- SHIV: Yeah.
Anything to get him to roll, right? Yeah, right.
Sounds smart.
So, I just wanted to let you know.
Nice to keep your dad in a good mood for the festivities.
So happy you could make it.
Well, let's see what my money bought, shall we? (BOTH CHUCKLE) - Everything's state of the art.
- LOGAN: Hmm.
Inking, web-offset press.
We like to say, we've got a better set up than most UK papers.
A whole school for how to intern at a clickbait aggregator? (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
"Ten reasons why you're never getting paid.
" (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry, I have to ask.
Why are you trying to fuck me? Trying to fuck you? What do you mean? Rose.
We both know what that was.
If anything, I'm just, uh, mildly offended on behalf of my sister and Frank, Gerri.
And I wonder about the optics, but, uh, hey, my dad knows, so - Yeah? - Even so.
I don't know how you've done it, frankly.
What with everything you've been through.
You're good, though.
(SCOFFS) Right.
- Thank you.
- No.
You're good, but you're still in the rock tumbler right now.
You're not ready.
I'm good.
I mean, I'm over my shit.
And I've met someone new.
I mean, she is fantastic.
And, uh, so, yeah, I'm I'm not in the place you think I'm in.
No, it's okay.
But when we're out on the other side of this all it's you.
RHEA: I'm telling you now.
It's always been you.
Well thank you.
I don't know about that, but thank you.
(APPLAUSE) Um They're asking if you want to stay for lunch.
Fuck, no.
I'll be sure to feed that back to them.
"Fuck, no".
Got it.
Look who made it.
Are you going to change the name of the airport, too? As you fly off? Marcia call you? EWAN ROY: No.
Your new one.
Oh, right.
The Logan Roy School of Journalism.
What's next? The Jack the Ripper Women's Health Clinic? You, uh, had a poke around the town? I've seen enough.
You've been spreading your name all over this place like it was graffiti.
They tried to get me to go into the old house.
Another plaque.
I saw a mistle thrush at the bandstand.
(LAUGHS) Sure, you did.
- Oh, this old bastard.
- (EWAN LAUGHS) LOGAN: I used to keep a log of the birds I'd see.
Your grandpa would go through it and scrub out the ones he didn't believe I'd seen.
You were always fairly generous with your sightings.
- AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello, valued shareholder, you will soon have a critical - decision to make - LOGAN: What the fuck is this? regarding your investment in Waystar.
(PHONE BEEPS) They're fucking robocalling me now.
I was gonna say, it's nice to see you and, uh, and the old brother having a chat.
Yeah, well GREG: Yeah, he's a tough old bird.
- But But he's, uh he's - He's morally bankrupt.
He's a nothing man who may well be more personally responsible for the death of this planet than any other single human being.
He also makes the Kalispitron franchise, which is, uh, you know, solid, mediocre entertainment.
In terms of the lives that will be lost by his whoring for the climate change deniers, there's a very persuasive argument to be made that he's worse than Hitler.
(STUTTERS) Right, well And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop working for him.
Okay, um, well (STUTTERS) so, I have moved up significantly, and this might sound dumb, but maybe I can kind of work it from the inside, - and that way - If you refuse, I think it's well within my rights to remove your name from amongst the beneficiaries of my last will and testament.
Because that's that's quite a pretty penny.
Around 250 mil.
And I'm sure Greenpeace would be very much obliged.
No, de definitely, that is quite a pickle.
- EWAN: Mm.
- That is a tough one.
(GROWLS PLAYFULLY) - Hey, brother.
Oh, my God, you smell like cotton candy.
I almost want to lick your neck.
(LAUGHS) Thanks for coming, man.
My dad'll be very pleased when he sees, you know, old friends and Hi, yes, sir.
Yeah, I'll take one of those golden beauties.
What's this? Scottish.
I'm thinking of getting in.
Scottish kicky-ball? It looks like two eunuchs trying to fuck a letterbox.
I'm liking the look of Hibs.
Or Hearts.
- Yeah? - Mm.
Hearts, that's my dad's team.
The only childhood relic he can stomach.
- Agent in Spain, big baller.
- Mm-hm.
I buy the club, he loans me nine shit hot players.
- ROMAN: Mm-hm.
- We climb the ladder, take the second Champion's League space, UEFA goes full European super-league, flip it, walk away.
I have no idea what you're talking about, but it sounds fucking slick, dude.
Slicker than cum on a dolphin's back.
You want in? ROMAN: Hm.
Uh But can we talk about what we talked about? You know, a major injection, or even taking us private.
Have you talked to your dad? It's a conversation we can have.
Then we should totally have that fucking conversation, like two fucking auctioneers on coke.
I have total 360 latitude to work on my father's behalf.
Oh, cool.
Same with me, with my dad, yeah.
Fuck, it's weird how much we're the same.
Sock it in the net sack, you crazy kick ball bastards.
- Buy them with me.
- Hmm? Fifty-fifty.
Buy the them? The Uh Yeah, let me have a think.
I mean, I don't really see a downside, other than zero knowledge or interest in Scottish football, but yeah, let me have a little think.
(JESSICA MOANS) KENDALL: Are you just looking at golf courses? - (CHUCKLES) - Like golf porn.
Am I allowed to take those soaps in the bathroom? Yeah.
Fuck it, take it all.
- KENDALL: Hey, Connor.
- Whatcha doing? - Uh We're just getting ready.
- CONNOR: Good.
- KENDALL: What time's Uh What time's the thing? I don't think the big surprise is until eight.
- So - Willa asked me to check in, 'cause Jennifer is, like, a key member of the cast.
Would it be possible to send Jennifer back to be on stage? Well, no, I'm afraid, because Jennifer and I are currently engaged in one of the all-time great psychosexual expeditions.
We're like the Lewis and Clarke of fucking.
Come on, man.
I'm begging you here.
I I'm bleeding out.
I can't afford this.
I'm sorry, dude, but, uh, that's showbiz.
- I am very unhappy with this outcome.
- KENDALL: I I know.
I'm sorry.
(JENNIFER SCREAMS, LAUGHS) Not wanting to put a dampener on Rhea's celebrations or anything, but it's time we killed her dead.
Smash her skull in with a rock.
- Nice.
- KENDALL: Okay.
Way to ease us in, sis.
Will there be nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles.
SHIV: What I'm thinking is we just We tell him direct.
We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
- Should I maybe take the floor? - SHIV: Okay.
Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from outside actually make sense right now? (SCOFFS) Okay, right.
Well, she she got to you.
- No.
Just - (SHIV SCOFFS) I'm fighting on two fronts and I might have to make a request to Dad about a bridge situation, - and she's been understanding.
- This is bullshit.
Ken? - Well - SHIV: Well? Oh, come on.
Oh sh You're backing her too, rebounder? No, I I just - I just think that maybe - SHIV: You just? You are.
you've overplayed your hand.
Excuse me? How did she get to you? Oh, you think you'll be given another shot at some point, ever? No.
- And, Roman, you? No.
- Ah, well, I mean No, she thinks you're a dipshit, or maybe you're just too much of a fucking dipshit to see that.
Fuck you.
I know more about this business than you.
- More than any of you, actually.
- Oh, Roman, no one gives a fuck - about management training.
- Dad does.
Gerri does.
It's corporate daycare.
(MIMICS IN CHILDISH BABBLE, MAKES FART NOISE) - (CONNOR LAUGHS) - That's not a good retort! - Don't fucking laugh at that.
- KENDALL: Shiv.
- Thanks for taking this seriously.
- ROMAN: I do.
It's just It's transparent.
- Uh - KENDALL: You know, Rhea's who Dad wants.
So - SHIV: (LAUGHING) But he's wrong.
- KENDALL: Yeah, but - In case you want it in writing.
- KENDALL: Maybe, you know, you should just, like like, give it up.
Full disclosure, I'm starting to like her.
He likes her.
Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
First pancake.
Okay, thank you.
You're a brat.
You know, none of you have been through what I've been through, so just (MOCKINGLY) Aw! My mommy got sent to the booby hatch - and now I'm sad.
- Fuck off.
I think you're being too emotional about this whole thing.
- Oh, my fucking God.
- ROMAN: I think he's trying - Are you doing the emotional card on me? - to mansplain things to you.
- Fuck's sake.
- I mean I mean, I was gonna mansplain it to you, - but I think he did a very good job.
Basically, it was a fucking disaster.
- TOM: Well, I'm sorry.
- (SIGHS) No, we just need to let him know, be very direct: she tried to put her hands down your pants.
No! Seriously? That's not a normal thing to ask? SHIV: Not actually say that she tried to I don't know.
And I mean because also, maybe, there is a world in which Rhea makes more sense for me is the is the truth.
Excuse me? The woman who you barely know makes more sense to you than your wife? Oh, come on, it's complicated.
- (SHIV SCOFFS) - Your dad is complicated.
You think if you kill Rhea, he's just gonna give it back to you automatically? No.
Okay, well, Tom, I won't give up.
I won't.
He made me a fucking offer, and I'm gonna redeem that coupon.
So, we got, uh, the Lord Provost, the Chamber of Commerce, Leader of the Council What? 20 to 30 faces? - Is that right? - I don't know.
Je suis pas ta secretaire.
Uh Look, you stay as long as you like, I'm gonna bolt after the soup, say I have calls.
I just wanna get the fuck out.
Tacitus comes to mind.
Yeah, yeah.
Classic Tacitus.
He's made a wasteland and calls it an empire.
God, Tacitus (STUTTERS) He just just All killer, no filler with him.
Did he ever have a bad quote? Have you tendered your resignation? Just working that out in the old noggin still.
Apparently we may be suffering from bad buzz.
Whatever good buzz we had has been wiped out by pervasive bad buzz.
GERRI: Okay, news.
Okay, everyone.
Here we go.
Here we go.
(MUSIC STOPS) Okay, everybody.
Um Bright eyes, and let's see those chompers.
Christ! (MUSIC RESUMES) They're all in there! I mean, I I I saw Peter fucking Magillan.
Uh Fucking Cyd.
Jeff Greenway.
I mean, fuck me.
I I thought it was supposed to be a - You know, a steak and a chat.
- Rhea thought it would be nice.
Well Shall we? Oh.
-(JENNIFER GASPS) -KENDALL: I've never seen these.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - Yeah, look at that.
I think that's maybe the Denver Chronicle.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - I interned there.
KENDALL: Everything okay? Oh.
It's (CLEARS THROAT) Word got around that I'm over here and people from the play are super-pissed.
Don't worry, don't worry.
We'll figure it out.
Yeah? Okay.
(GROANS) Okay.
So, this was actually a pretty tough situation with the distribution, - but my dad did this amazing - Has anyone ever told you that you talk about your dad, like a lot? (CHUCKLES) Okay.
Uh No, I don't think they have.
(CHUCKLES) I wasn't trying to be nasty, I was just pointing something out.
No, it's cool, he's he's just a major presence in our lives.
Do you want to say hi? - Okay.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- I mean, he looks kind of busy.
- Let's go.
Yeah, no, no, no.
- I want you to meet my dad.
He's gonna love you.
I've got a proposition for you.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
So, we've got this opportunity for you to become involved financially in Willa's play, which I don't know if you've been hearing, but the buzz is excellent.
- Hmm.
- You know? So, I'd really like to talk to you about that, - if I could.
Just, you know - Uh Hey, Dad.
This is Jennifer.
Pleasure to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
Yeah, and congratulations, too.
This is so awesome.
- Thank you.
KENDALL: Jennifer's really amazing, and, uh - (CHUCKLES) Thanks.
- LOGAN: Uh-huh.
- She's in theatre.
- Ah.
JENNIFER: Well, not really.
Well (CHUCKLES) I mean, you are.
You are - You are.
- (GIGGLES) Shh.
Anyways, this is so awesome.
Yes, it is.
(CLOCKS TONGUE) I, uh I should really mingle, uh - So good to meet you.
Seen Kendall's latest? Uh Yeah.
- Mind like a balloon.
Hey, uh, you wanna (INHALES SHARPLY) You wanna call a truce for tonight? LOGAN: Okay.
SHIV: I got you something.
Thank you.
LOGAN: Nice.
Oh, nice houses.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, these are - Lovely.
These are our houses, Dad.
- They're all ours.
- Really? Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
- You remember Huh.
Quality work.
Don't like the past too much, huh? I do.
I do.
It's, uh it's just there's so much of it.
The future is real, but the past, well, it's Yeah.
Um It's all made up.
It's, um bad this time.
LOGAN: (SIGHS) She doesn't drink Uh She's got my contacts and everyone, everyone is here.
And I didn't know a thing.
- She's blue, you know? - Uh-huh.
LOGAN: She's liberal.
Well, yeah, but so am I.
- Yeah, but you fucking get it.
- Kinda - You fucking get it.
You know? - (SHIV LAUGHS) I mean, she told me she drank.
I shared a whisky with her.
- Mm-hm.
- Prick tease.
Oh, we don't use that anymore.
Oh, yeah.
I know, I know.
All sorts of useful fucking words have gone that way.
- SHIV: Don't worry, Dad.
- Is it Have I got it right? LOGAN: Huh? 'Cause You're smart.
You are smart.
GERRI: I 'Scuse me, sorry to interrupt.
Just wanted to, um, ask you something - about the procedures tonight.
- LOGAN: Oh, sure.
- GERRI: Question about cake.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I, uh - I gotta go to the pisser.
- Okay.
(CHUCKLES) - Where is it? - GERRI: Just Oh, I think it's that way.
Hey, I just, uh I just wanted to say "Happy Night".
I don't know, uh (TOWEL DISPENSER WHIRS) I don't know.
I just wanted to, uh (STUTTERS) It may be that I've reached the end of the road in terms of, uh of of like What? My grandpa has made it clear that if I want to secure my future, then I need to sever my links.
Negotiate a bit of a "Grexit".
Did he now? It has been a pleasure, um work doing business with you, and I've learned a lot.
And I hope that, um I hope that I brought something to the table, too.
I like you, Greg.
O Okay.
I do.
I like you.
What did he say? He threatened to cut me off.
He won't do that.
He's too much of a fucking coward.
That's why his whole life has amounted to nothing.
But you know, in the end, it's up to you, kiddo.
Hmm? Yeah.
Uncle Fun or Grandpa Grumps.
So, I hereby convene the meeting of the newly formed "What the Fuck are We Gonna Do" committee.
So we made the second threat slash offer to Mr.
Weissel - and he said no.
- To what? He said no to everything.
We offered 20 million dollars.
Didn't flinch.
No fear of the cost of legal action.
Zero appetite to settle.
We asked for a number.
Any number.
- Apparently, this is no number.
- SHIV: There's no number? And there's obviously something going on under the water.
- We think he has a backer? - Who? Could be anyone who has a grudge against Waystar.
Get a phone book.
I mean, it's a very long list.
It's all likely to come out: the shadow logs, - NDA, domino unraveling.
- Oh, mother! It's spiraling.
It's moving fast.
We hear the weasel.
The weasel is negotiating to go on TV - and spill his guts.
- Oh, fuck.
- GERRI: Uh-huh.
It's gonna be huge.
- Fuck.
It's gonna blow wide open.
Sour any CEO announcement.
The new face is gonna get ripped to shreds.
HUGO: Short term question is: When do we tell him? Do we tell him tonight? Anyone want to end the night with a round of Boar on the Floor? FRANK: Big picture, I mean (SIGHS) The weasel is an existential threat.
We give him the night off.
Let him enjoy the night.
We'll tell him tomorrow.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And if I had to tell him you made the call, would you still be happy with the call? That's the call.
Uh Good evening, everyone.
It's a pleasure to have you here tonight to honor my dad's life and work.
(APPLAUSE) So, when Rhea was planning this, she asked me to help out with, um with a little tribute to the certain flavor.
And after a lot of convincing, well - Here we are.
- (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS) Is he about to strip? - KENDALL: Just remember I'm not a professional.
- Think he's going to masturbate onstage to a photo of Dad.
KENDALL: My boy Squiggle cooked up this beat for me.
Check it.
Born on the North Bank king of the East Side Fifty years strong now he's rollin' in a sick ride Handmade suits raking in loot - Five star general y'all best salute, yo - ROMAN: Oh, no.
- No.
Jesus, no.
- TABITHA: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! Ken.
(RAPPING CONTINUES) I mean it's it is burning my eyes, but I cannot look away.
L to the OG Dude be the OG A-N he playin' Playin' like a pro, see L to the OG Dude be the OG A-N he playin' Playin' like a pro Make some noise! - A1 ratings, 80K wine - (CROWD CHEERS) Never gonna stop, baby fuck father time, bro Don't get it twisted I've been through hell But since I stan Dad I'm alive and well Shaper of views creator of news Father of many paid all his dues So don't try to run your mouth at the king Just pucker up, bitch and go kiss the ring L to the OG Dude be the OG A-N he playin' - Make some noise! - (CROWD CHEERS) When I say L, you say OG L to the - L to the - CROWD: OG - L to the - You need to stop this.
- L to the - OG L to the L to the motherfucking OG - I think this might be the end of the company.
- (CHEERING) We might get sucked into a black hole of embarrassment that we never get out of.
Dundee in the motherfucking house.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) If I can get your attention.
Some appreciations of the man, the legend, Logan Roy.
Hey, everybody.
Um Yeah, you all know that I've had my ups and downs you could say.
And, um What you might not know is that my dad has been the one who's been to meet me at my lowest moments Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt.
You remember Eduard? Just wanna say congrats on a lifetime of kicking ass.
I'm not dead yet.
Um Also, I got you a present.
We actually got you a present.
We bought the Hearts.
WOMAN: (ON FILM) Logan, happy anniversary - The Hearts? - Mm-hm! - Hearts Football Club? - Mm-hm! - Why? - Why Because it's the Hearts.
It's your team.
- I'm Hibs.
- You're Hibs? - Really? - LOGAN: Uh-huh.
Are you sure? I thought you were Hearts.
I'm pretty sure, Dad.
You know, maybe you're right.
How would I know what team I supported all my fucking life? I mean, maybe I support Kilmarnock.
Or Fucklechester Rangers? I mean, how can I fucking possibly fucking know? If it's any consolation, I'm horrible at gift buying.
Always get the wrong thing.
Oh, hey, it's me.
Watch it.
ROMAN: (ON FILM) What can I say? Congrats on a thousand years - Hey.
- LOGAN: Hey, Shiv.
Listen, I I really I really am wondering about this.
You gotta do what you think is right.
Yeah? That's all there is.
And she's the one.
For now, she's the one.
SHIV (ON FILM): Hey, Dad.
Congrats! Uh (SCOFFS) Look, I know how you hate all this bullshit, so I'll just say "Fuck you, Dad", and I wish we were having wine instead of being here with all these people who are scared of you.
(CHUCKLES) Just try your gut.
Yeah? You can't give it to me or anyone else because of sentiment.
You know that.
Thank you, darling.
Thank you.
ASSISTANT: 30 seconds to VT, Mr.
You all right? - Was it Was it all too much? - (APPLAUSE) I'm not crazy about surprises.
LOGAN: Uh I wasn't expecting so many friendly faces.
I mean, you got me, you bastards.
- You know, you really got me.
- (LAUGHING) Uh But seriously, no.
I'm touched.
Um Some people say that I'm wedded to my work.
Just ask any of my wives.
(SCATTERED CHUCKLING) But I'm amazed at what Waystar has achieved over the last 50 years.
And I'm proud of my family, who have helped me get here.
And it seems to me that now, after 50 years at the helm now might be a smart time to think about who will help me write the next chapter.
I'm gonna announce tonight, in due course, I shall be appointing Rhea Jarrell as my chief executive officer.
- (APPLAUSE) - LOGAN: Statement to follow.
(MUSIC PLAYING) Hey! That was pretty intense.
(SIGHS) Uh Yeah.
You, um (CHUCKLES) You said You said "awesome" a lot.
(CHUCKLES) What? (CHUCKLES) You said "awesome" a lot when you were talking to my dad.
Did I? (CHUCKLES) Okay.
I didn't notice that.
It's fine.
It was just It was funny.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) You're freezing.
Let me Let me get your coat.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, can we get Jennifer on the first flight outta here? Sure thing.
Everything okay? Uh Yeah.
Maybe Hey.
Hey, Tony.
Maybe, um let her know I might be tied up.
Excuse me.
- Nice night, eh? - Mm-hm.
You okay? You told me nothing about you stepping aside.
Why? I apologize.
You broke something here.
I didn't like it when you told me that I should sell my company.
You hear what you wanna hear, then you punish me for something I didn't say.
I may have made some misjudgments.
You're careless.
- You've been careless of me.
- Marcia.
I'm bored.
You are boring me.
Excuse me, it's time for the plaque now, Mr.
- I'm going.
- LOGAN: Marcia.
Don't be fucking stupid.
It's a plaque.
(WHISPERS) Oh, God forbid, I will miss the plaque.
Right? Your shiny little gravestone.
Guess you'll have to face your reckoning alone.
Mother would have hated all this.
And that trash you call news.
Now, we last saw her when you were five and I was four but you know what kind of journalism she would've approved of? I know she never would've approved of what you've become.
What? Your meal ticket? I'm just surprised you're still standing.
Any other man would've died from the shame.
- Uh-huh.
- It's hard to know which is more toxic: your news outlets or your cruise division.
All those years blaming yourself for Rose.
- I'm not interested.
- That really wasn't your fault.
This, though This is your fault.
This empire of shit.
Time to pay up.
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, it is that time.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) (APPLAUSE) MC: The Helen Elspeth Roy College! (MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC CONCLUDES) WOMAN: Sexual exploitation, violence, hidden by cover-ups and corruption inside Waystar.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) Gregory Hirsch.
Is that someone known to you, Mr.
Wambsgams? Uh, no, no, sorry.
No, Tom? As the next CEO, it might be wise to keep clean.
That scares me.
Any chance you guys have the muscle to take us private? Outside! I can't have this now! Ten bad minutes on camera in D.
That could be it, the end.
Roy, a pleasure to welcome you home.
Oh, I don't recall people shedding a tear when I left.
JESSE ARMSTRONG: It's a pretty touching episode to make because Brian Cox, the actor, comes from Dundee in Scotland.
He was the guy driving around places he knew from his youth as he plays Logan, being a guy driving around places that he knows from his youth, so, it was very affecting to see that.
This place, you look at the old pictures and they all want you to think it's all so fucking simple, but it wasn't.
What they say, you know? ARMSTRONG: In the writer's room, we always knew there was an element of tragedy in his early life.
There it is.
What am I supposed to do? I think maybe a photo.
They've said you can go in.
No, thank you.
Let's go.
Ahh, memories.
- Marcia, you look lovely.
- Oh, thank you.
Uh, so Something I wanted to ask you ARMSTRONG: Marcia, she doesn't come from the same cultural background as the rest of the characters, and so her rhythms are slightly different.
Are you regularly tested for sexually transmitted diseases? Excuse me? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) He and I still sleep together, so I would be more relaxed to know that you are clean.
And I think she shocks people and puts them on their heels, so it was interesting seeing her do that to Rhea.
(STAMMERS) This isn't appropriate talk When I lose the other one will generally lose an eye or so.
CROWD: Surprise! Rhea organizes what we call the Logan-athon.
She thinks it will be nice.
ARMSTRONG: I don't know whether she's quite judged, exactly, things that Logan prizes in life, which are generally about going forward, not huge on the past.
It's a pleasure to have you here tonight to honor my dad's life and work.
Rhea asked me to help out with a little tribute to the certain, uh, flava.
ARMSTRONG: The idea of Kendall rapping was, I remember, I was thinking, if you heard a billionaire's son had done that, it would be like, yeah, sounds like the sort of toe-curling thing you might see on Instagram.
(RAPPING) L to the O-G dude be the OG A-N, he playin' ARMSTRONG: It was nice, and we had that whole V and A in Dundee that was full of background people and people just responded naturally.
I think it's pretty embarrassing.
It's also kind of good.

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